debate issue 10, 2011 by Debate Magazine

issue 10 2011

djokovic: tennisâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; dirty mistress

www.ausm.org.nz

the golden age of gaming

travelling post 9/11

why gay is a four letter word

issue 10 2011

ISSUE 10 2011 5 Editorial 6 Letters 7 Creative Corner 8 News 10 Sport

Scott Moyes tells us why dirty Djokovic is ruining Roger and Rafa’s love

11 How To/Recipe 12 Pres Sez/AuSM Update 13 A (Human) Traffic Nightmare 14 New Zealand Media Bias 15 Scrabbling the English Language

on the cover Broken by Soo Park

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Samantha McQueen samantha.mcqueen@aut.ac.nz

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This publication is entitled to the full protection given by the Copyright Act 1994 (“the Act”) to the holders of the copyright, being AUCKLAND STUDENT MOVEMENT AT AUCKLAND UNIVERSITY OF TECHNOLOGY INCORPORATED (“AuSM”). Reproduction, storage or display of any part of this publication by any process, electronic or otherwise (except for the educational purposes specified in the Act) without express permission is a break of the copyright of the publisher and will be prosecuted accordingly. Inquiries seeking permission to reproduce should be addressed to AuSM.

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Material contained in this publication does not necessarily represent the views or opinions of AuSM, its advertisers, contributors, PMP Print or its subsidiaries.

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Brendan Kelly launches an attack on the “intellectual” game

16 Travelling Post 9/11 18 That’s So Homosexual

Jess Etheridge looks at what the word “gay” really means

20 Romance Films 21 The Golden Era of Gaming 22 Top Eight Music Festivals 23 Gossip Breakdown 23 Internet Personas Jess Etheridge looks at the stereotypes people adopt on the internet

24 Horoscopes on Shuffle 25 Columns 26 Agony Aunt/Website of the Week 27 Suggestions/Horoscopes 28 Fashion

Heather Rutherford looks at princesses in pretty dresses

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29 What Are You Wearing/ Fashion Blog Review 30 Reviews

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issue 10 2011

directory

his week in debate, we have a very interesting feature on a word many of us use in our everyday lives. It’s not a curse word like shit or crap that will get us a stern telling off from our parents, not is it (usually) a word that will see you judged by your friends. The use of this word will be flippant for some, but have a profound effect on others. Some of you would have said it in the last hour, probably as you lamented how rubbish early morning lectures were. The word is gay. My good friend Oxford dictionary describes the word gay as “(of a person, especially a man) homosexual”, “light-hearted and carefree” and “brightly coloured; showy”. Chances are, most of you wouldn’t have used it in the context I’m talking about, but rather to describe something (or someone) that is lame, unattractive or boring. A charming description of an entire sexuality, don’t you think (if you can’t tell, that last sentence was dripping with sarcasm). When you think of hate crimes, images of the KKK, swastika tattoos, terrorism attacks and physical violence spring to mind. You don’t think of a 15-year-old girl who has just described the new Twilight movie as “sooooo gay” or a guy who has told a lame joke. But it is. You know the saying, “sticks and stones may break my names, but words will never hurt me”? That person who made that up was obviously popular. Now, I’m not writing this like I’m some high and mighty citizen who has never put a foot wrong. Up until a few years ago, gay was part of my vocabulary as a way of describing when I didn’t want to do something or didn’t like someone, not describing someone’s gender. It’s not as if my viewpoints were based on redneck Southerners who believe that “on the third day God created the Remington bolt rifle so he could fight the dinosaurs. And the homosexuals”. No, like all things that impressionable teenagers pick up on, it came through my peers, the shows I watched and the music I listened to. Everyone was saying it, and that just made it ok, didn’t it? But then I came to university and I started reading the news and blogs, meeting people all of sexualities and basing my opinions on all sides of the argument, not on what my favourite celebrity of the time was saying. The word gay meant a right to live their lives just like the rest of us, not to shut down a shit film, a horrible person or an ugly outfit. Who decided that the word gay would mean something negative? And more importantly, if we are going to label something negatively, why must be hone in on one sexuality? Can’t people who say stupid shit be labelled with one of the hundreds of other synonyms for the word stupid? When a man finishes watching The Notebook, shouldn’t he groan, “that was so straight”? Because if I remember correctly, Noah doesn’t run off with his male doctor in the end. But that’s how many describe it. Look to microcelebs this week, someone coincidentally used that exact word when asked to describe the movie in question. In a world that fights for equality of gender, race and sexuality, we have skipped the smaller battles to fight the bigger war. It may just be a meaningless word to you, but to some, it’s a dig at who they are. Heavy stuff this week, huh? I better end with something light-hearted. It’s issue 10 of debate this week. It’s also Vesbar’s 10th birthday this week. Ten years ago, AuSM plotted this exact coincidence. You better celebrate this occasion by heading down for a beer. Or 10.

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Letter of the week wins two movie tickets for Event Cinemas!

Dear debate,

I really enjoyed the copyright feature that was in debate a couple of weeks back. Like most students, I’ve downloaded TV shows and music before, but have never thought it was bad since New Zealand television networks are often so slow at picking up popular US series. It’s actually nice to see them putting their butts into gear and playing a couple of series only a week or so after they’ve aired. But now that they’re doing it (like TV3 is doing it), why are people still downloading Glee as soon as it comes out in the states, rather than waiting a week for it to show on television? If TV3 has answered all the whiny complaints of these downloaders and made television more current, surely the least they could do is wait seven days until it’s on Friday night. Don’t use spoilers as an excuse… I’m on the internet just as much as the next person and if I have managed to avoid who the prom king and queen are, so can you. Regards, Glee lover

To Ben,

I read your piece on what bands people should be listening to in the music issue and I got really pissed off at your high horse tone. Who are you to tell others what music people can and cannot listen to? Call me old-fashioned, but university is supposed to be about branching out and not being judged for your music tastes. Just because I don’t worship the Beatles like everyone else, doesn’t mean my music taste is crap. It just makes me less of a follower, because I’m not conforming to what everyone else believes is “cool”. Want to school people? Use bands no one has heard of so at least people can branch out their musical tastes. I’m done now, I’m off to go listen to Band of Horses, Sia and other great artists that didn’t make your precious list. From a music lover with better taste than you P.S. Oh, and where was Pink Floyd and Led Zep? If you’re going to be self-righteous, as least be a thorough one.

Sup Brendan,

Just wanted to say that your pieces are easiest the funniest things I read in each week. 10debatebanner.pdf 1 debate 10/05/11 9:37 AM Haven’t read much of your stuff lately, but that

last issue more than made up for it. I totally agree that William should go all Hamlet on his family and make the crusty royals more interesting. He should also invest in some decent bling so common folk know he’s the business. And fuck, he should have left Kate at the altar when he saw Pippa… her ass was looking finnnnnnnnne. Keep up the good work bro, can you write about gummi bears next? Cheers, Tom

AUT!

CAN SOMEONE PLEASE OPEN UP A DECENT CAFÉ THAT SELLS DECENT COFFEE ON THE NORTH SHORE CAMPUS?? I’m on campus all day during the week studying and in classes and the only place I can get some drinkable coffee is the McCafe down the road, and that’s not saying much. The city campus has heaps of cafes on campus, plus they are right by Queen Street which has hundreds of cafes and restaurants so why can’t AUT remember us for once and invest in a decent student café. You got rid of Lime Café, are you going to replace it without something nice, or are we going to be tortured into another disgusting fast food outlet that makes people sick and overcharges for a greasy butter chicken. For a campus that is supposed to be excelling in health, it’s disappointing. I’m writing this letter on the open access labs while waiting for my 2500 word assignment to print out. All the students in my row are either on facebook or youtube. THESE COMPUTERS ARE FOR STUDYING, MORONS! I live out in Howick and don’t want to drag my laptop in each day just because idiots don’t consider that there are others out there that actually need these computers. We don’t all have macs that daddy paid off. If you want to watch double rainbows or kittens or whatever shit you think is funny, do it at home or off your precious iphone. dont clog up the computers in the lab. Sincerely, An actual poor uni student.

Sorry debate, but Scream 4 was shit. Thanks for having more reviews this year though. Where’s the heavy metal reviews? Sam

debate letters policy: Letters need to make it into debate’s mailbox before Wednesday, 3pm each week for the following issue. You must give us your name when submitting letters to be eligible for letter of the week, but you can use a pseudonym for publication if you wish. Any letters longer than 250 words may be subjected to editing. Spelling and grammar will not be corrected. The editor reserves the right to decline without explanation. Most importantly, the views contained on the letters page do not necessarily represent the views of AuSM. Send your letters to debate@aut.ac.nz or if you want to kick it old school, PO Box 6116, Wellesley St, Auckland.

Response from debate

Thanks Sam for writing in about our reviews (great name by the way). All our reviews are sent in by student contributors, and we don’t seem to have any heavy metal lovers that want to write reviews of their favourite albums. Perhaps you’re up for the challenge? Regards, Sam

Dear Princess Celestia,

It seems the ponies around here have a lot to learn about tolerance and understanding. For the past few months, I’ve been quietly watching the latest (G4) My Little Pony cartoon, Friendship is Magic, and it’s bloody brilliant. Created by Lauren Faust; the same gem who gave us the original Power Puff Girls and Foster’s Home for Imaginary Friends. Unfortunately, because of the name and colour, some ponies have seen fit to judge me more than a little harshly. Stuff the fact that it’s the most well written, animated and voiced cartoon I’ve seen in years, that it’s frequently being compared to the likes of Adventure Time and even SAMURAI JACK. Stuff the fact that it has spawned multiple fan sites and communities made up of females and males aged 14-35, the largest of which gets 2 hits a second and has reached 5 million views in a few months. Stuff the fact that it’s giving rise to some AWESOME community creations, including music, art, games and a hell of a lot more. Because if it’s pink and happy, it’s WRONG for boys to like it. I believe this is where Bridle Gossip comes in - Don’t judge a book by its cover, there’s alot more depth to is than you might think. Faust’s idea of ‘don’t let someone’s suggestion that that is wrong stop you from doing what you love. Be considerate of others’ feelings, but not at the expense of your own goals and dreams’ should also come into effect about here. So to those who’ve got a problem with it, go and at least form a concrete argument. Sure, it’s traditionally been a girls’ program, but things like that change. I assure you, there’s something in it for everyone, and the thousands of viewers worldwide will welcome you to the herd. (Plus you’ll be about 20% cooler.) If it’s still a no-go, then please, excuse me while I tolerate your intolerance and carry on doing something I love. Your faithful student, Twilight Sparkle.

issue 10 2011

The Hunt Jessica Scott

Untitled Shaye Laree Thompson

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AUT student crowned Miss World New Zealand by Lanuola Tusani

Smart, talented and beautiful; an AUT stunner is after the crown when she represents New Zealand in the Miss World competition later this year. Mianette Broekman, a 22-yearold law student, was crowned Miss World NZ in April after beating out 13 competitors for the title. and will be competing for the title in Europe this November. Broekman, who was born in South Africa, says she is prepared to represent New Zealand in the world competition in November. “This is an amazing experience and I want to have fun with it,” she says.

AUT students caught in the middle of Albany tornado by Philippa Ormrod

An afternoon of retail therapy left two AUT university students in need of another kind of help, after a tornado ripped through the mall as they shopped. Amy Roberts and Rachel Jury were at the Albany Mega Centre the tornado struck. The girls ran to shelter under fitting room doors as the roof started falling in and pieces of the building and dust began flying everywhere. “It sounded like a plane getting closer and closer, and then suddenly it was like someone had opened a large door and a huge gust of wind blew through the centre of the mall throwing debris around,” she says. When the shaking stopped Roberts ran to leave the mall and discovered what she had thought was an earthquake was actually a tornado. “The tornado was 20m in front of the door and the security staff were stopping people from leaving.” The pair stood behind the main doors and watched the

tornado destroy everything before it. “The tornado was heading south over Placemakers, with huge bits of corrugated iron being tossed around 200metres in the air,” says Jury. Jury described the Pak ‘n’ Save building as looking like an ice cream sundae. “Pak ‘n’ Save was the ice cream, and the panes of glass had been frisbee’d into the roof, ripping through the iron like pink waffles,” she says. Jury says she knew it was big, but she didn’t realise the scale of the tornado until she saw the coverage on the news that night. “People were crying and others were in shock and we just didn’t know what to do.” The students were very impressed by the staff and emergency services, saying they acted quickly and calmly and improved the situation dramatically. “The shop assistant who helped direct us in Wild Pair was fantastic,” says Roberts.

Broekman won first place in evening gown, national costume, bikini contest and was the top model. Broekman says her goal is to join a children’s charity and start raising awareness and funds to help children with education and in other areas to help them in the future. The former political studies graduate says she was shocked to win. “I never in a million years thought that I would be crowned. It was one of the most memorable moments in the competition when I was announced the Miss World NZ,” says Broekman. She says winning was hard work and

there were hurdles along the way. “It was challenging to be on the stage. Pageants are hard work. It takes a lot of time, dedication and money but it is all worth it and I would suggest to any girl to do it if they ever had the opportunity,” she says. She thanked her father for always being there to guide her along the way and her family for the support. “I would like to thank God first of all and also the NZAPT for all their support and dedication and presenting girls like me with an opportunity like this,” she says.

Renting in Auckland: just like dating, but much harder by Alex Mason

Fierce competition. Poor housing. High prices. Auckland students are battling plenty of obstacles in the hunt for flats and flatmates. But Speedrenting founder Liz McLean has launched a business which she says will help students find what they are looking for. Speedrenting, inspired by speed dating, happens weekly at bars around the country, allowing those who “gottaroom” and those who “needaroom” to meet up in a relaxed, social environment to see if there’s a match. And a bonus for the poor student is that it’s free to take part – which means more money for drinks. McLean says the fact that speedrenting is not at a house solves issues for both parties. Gottarooms do not have to give up their weekends only to have people not show up for viewings, and needarooms do not have to “traipse all over town” only to find places are already taken. It also means those with rooms do not have to let any potentially dodgy people know where they live, let alone into their homes. Helen Wrightson –event and entertainment manager at Juice Bar, the Auckland location for speedrenting nights – says because both parties are on “neutral territory” it can be less formal than typical flat meetings, which can be like business interviews.

AUT student Monique van Veen says speedrenting is a good idea because it is an opportunity to sit down and have a really good chat in a relaxed environment. She says it’s difficult to get your personality across to potential flatmates and landlords when you’re corresponding through phone calls, emails and open homes. Alistair Helm, chief executive officer of Realestate.co.nz, also says the neutral location is ideal. He says you can evaluate potential flatmates, and see whether there’s any “chemistry”, with no obligation. Initially started in 2009, Speedrenting is back after a six month hiatus, with plans to expand nationwide over the next two to three months. Wrightson believes it will be more successful now that Speedrenting is aligned with TradeMe and people can easily tell others to attend a speedrenting night on their TradeMe ads. Van Veen says competition for flats is “pretty insane”. She says when she and her two flatmates began flat hunting, “we knew things would be hectic but we didn’t realise how bad it would be.” Wrightson says the high demand for flats could work in favour of the business, by generating interest, but also restrict their success because “there are so few flats”.

This Week (May 16-20) MONDAY

THURSDAY

WEDNESDAY

TUESDAY

FRIDAY

19 More AuSM events at www.ausm.org.nz

20 on Facebook issue 10 2011 Join ausm1

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1. How many double down burgers did KFC say it sold in New Zealand within the first three hours of release?

10. Jetstar announced on Thursday that they would start flying into which city in New Zealand?

14. Which of these is highest?

a) b) c) d)

7000 12,000 16,000 21,000

Queenstown Hamilton Nelson Dunedin

2. Which country is hosting the 2018 Fifa football world cup?

11. Who is the director for the upcoming film, The Tree of Life, starring Brad Pitt and Sean Penn?

a) Russia b) Brazil c) Qatar d) England

a) Gus van Sant b) Terrence Malick c) Lars von Trier d) Martin Campbell

3. Microsoft purchased Skype last week at a cost of…?

12. Maggie Barry was selected as the National candidate for which Auckland suburb last week?

a) US$3.7 billion b) US $6.8 billion c) US $8.5 billion d) US $10.6 billion 4. Who is the world number one in women’s tennis currently? a) b) c) d)

Kim Clijsters Caroline Wozniacki Vera Zvonareva Serena Williams

Blues Highlanders Hurricanes Crusaders

15. Which one of these celebrities is not currently pregnant with their first child? a) Kate Hudson b) Marion Cotillard c) January Jones d) They all are

a) Botany b) Mangere c) North Shore d) Auckland CBD 13. Which Super Rugby team does Andrew Hore play for? a) b) c) d)

Mont Blanc, France Mount Washington, USA Mount Cook, New Zealand Mount Erebus, Antarctica

16. Which New Zealand city is Matua a suburb of? a) Wellington b) Christchurch c) Hamilton d) Tauranga

Answers: C, A, C, B, A, D, B, A, D, D, B, C, C, A, A, D

5. Which city was bin Laden found and shot dead in Pakistan on May 1 (New Zealand time)? a) Abbottabad b) Peshawar c) Lahore d) Gujranwala 6. Which of these is one a Katy Perry song? a) Ur So Gay b) Teenage Dream c) Peacock d) Pearl Necklace 7. How many pounds are there in one metric tonne? a) b) c) d)

1767 pounds, 5.43 ounces 2204 pounds, 9.96 ounces 2653 pounds, 2.74 ounces 3104 pounds, 4.98 ounces

8. What is the capital of Rarotonga? a) Avarua b) Arorangi c) Muri d) Aitutaki 9. The LA Lakers lost to the Mavericks in last week in four games of the playoff series? Which city are the Mavericks from? a) b) c) d)

Boston Charlotte Seattle Dallas



Serb, Love:

A Tantalizing Tennis Threesome by Scott Moyes

The greatest love affair in professional sport has come to an end. Alas, there was no greater passion than the heated moments shared by Rafael Nadal and Roger Federer. Through thick and thin, they were there for each other. Many tears were shed. Many Spanish expletives were shouted. But through the heat of their fiery tennis battles, they gave new meaning to the phrase ‘Six, Love’. But now those days are over. Roger came home one fateful day to find a stranger in the King-sized bed of tennis supremacy. And so the famous Rafa-Roger romance which has captivated us for so long becomes the tantalizing threesome of Nadal, Federer and Djokovic. I’m not going muck around; I can’t stand Novak Djokovic. I couldn’t really tell you why though. There’s just something about old Novy that makes me hope the internet at his home is dial-up speed and his girlfriend holds a whip as big as Indiana Jones’. He just comes across as the kind of guy that likes to smell his own farts. I don’t know, maybe he just brings too much tenacity to the humble marriage of Rafa and Roger? However there is no denying the 23-yearold Serb is in the hottest form of his career leading into the 2011 French Open (or Roland Garros). In the 2011 tennis season he is currently undefeated, taking out the Australian Open title along with successes in Dubai, Indian Wells, Miami, Serbia and, most recently, Madrid. His winning streak in 2011 currently stands at 34, which is the best start to a season since John McEnroes effort in 1980 (39 victories). Unlike many of his peers, Djokovic has the killer instinct to take him to Grand Slam finals and conquer the real players on the circuit. He is one of only two players to have defeated Federer at the semifinal stage or later on more than one occasion in Grand Slam tournaments, and also at consecutive tournaments. The other is Nadal. He is also very consistent. The great players don’t win tournaments and then get knocked in the first round of the next. They’re always in the mix of things at the business end to give them a shot of taking out the title. However Djokovic will well and truly be

10.

under the microscope as he gets stuck into the clay court section of the season. It’s important to note that his two Grand Slam victories have come at the Australian Open and two runner-up performances come from the US Open. Both are played on hard courts that tend to be much quicker paced. This highly suits Novak’s style of play, which features some brutal shot making. Clay courts take the explosiveness out of the match and tend to favour the gritty, tireless bastards like Nadal and David Ferrer. If Djokovic can come through the clay season with a healthy amount of ranking points, then he stands a real chance of claiming the number one ranking. This would be a changing of the guard of seismic proportions. Not since 2004 has a man other than Roger Federer or Rafael Nadal held this position. But he faces a massive challenge in reaching that goal. Just to roll out another mind-boggling stat, Roland Garros hasn’t been won by someone other than ‘the big two’ since 2004. It doesn’t get any easier after that. Wimbledon has been off limits since 2002. But in all honesty, it’s about time someone shook things up a bit. We can’t go on for another five years with just two men winning everything. It just takes all unpredictability away from the sport, which is the main reason people watch it in the first place. It may take a bit of adjusting to, but it will improve the sport in the long run, and make Roger and Rafa take their games to another level if they want to hold their places atop the rankings ladder. But if Djokovic doesn’t perform it’s not the end of the world either. At the tender age of 23, he’s got the world before him. The poor bloke is probably just trying to get sneaky peeks of Ana Ivanovic in the changing rooms at this stage of his career (Google her). But in all honesty, there are worse things he could do then give her a call. She comes from the same country, has a French Open title to her name and I hear she’s on the market. Maybe she could give him a few pointers? Just as long as it’s not Lleyton Hewitt that wins… God’s probably saving that one for 2012 though.

issue 10 2011

by Alicia Crocket

How to Pump the Weights (no Incredible Hulk strength needed) by Paul Belli Many people think that the only reason to weight train is so that you can realise your lifelong dream of turning into the Incredible Hulk. Fortunately, this is not the case; you can get many benefits from weight training without gaining shirt breaking biceps. What you may not know is that a key element in developing those bulging biceps is the presence of high levels of testosterone. What that means, is that it is impossible for women to gain huge amounts of muscle mass by doing weight training. Men generally build muscle mass more quickly than women because of the testosterone, but women still get many benefits from weight training, so it’s worthwhile for everyone to learn how to make weight training work for you. Increased BMR – Base metabolic rate (BMR) Weight training increases your BMR which is a good thing. Your BMR is the base amount of calories that your body burns to do important stuff like making your heart beat and your lungs work. As you increase your lean muscle mass through weight training your BMR goes up. This is a good thing because it makes it easier to lose weight and maintain your lean body mass. Increased Muscle Activity The more you weight train, the better your central nervous system gets at stimulating your muscle fibres to work higher and faster as we adapt after each session. We will also gain a greater level of coordination as well as the increase to your BMR Increased Joint Strength & Stability Due to the response we get from lifting weights, we will have a greater degree of stability and strength around our joints as our muscles and connective tissue strength and coordination increases. That means less falling over after you’ve had a few drinks!

motor function and muscular strength. These adaptions significantly improve our performance within our given sports. With sport specific training and movements the improvements to performance can increase rapidly. Increased Bone Density Weight training and weight bearing exercises is a great way to maintain bone density and help with the prevention of osteoporosis as well as prevention of falls or slips and the many injuries that are associated with falling over. Increased Injury Prevention/ Injury Recovery With all of the benefits you gain from a weight training programme it’s easy to see how it would help prevent injury, especially if you play a sport and do pre-season training. As for injury recovery, the stronger and more solid a weight training history you have, your recovery post op will increase exponentially. So now that you know what the benefits of weight training are, when are you going to book in for that first weight training programme?

Serves 5 Dairy free, gluten free if you use GF stock and GF soy sauce Cost per serve: $1.71 without rice, $1.74 with rice

I really like a curry out every now and again, but it really bothers me that there are NEVER any vegetables in most curries that you buy. I’m a real vegetable geek so the lack of veges makes me feel like I’ve not had a complete meal. So I make curry at home quite a lot and put in plenty of veges and I love it! This recipe is my back up curry when I don’t have the ingredients or the time to make something a bit more posh. This recipe can be easily doubled, it freezes well and like all curries the flavour develops as it sits, so it’s AWESOME for lunch the next day. Ingredients 2 Tbsps oil 1 onion, sliced 2 cloves of garlic OR 2 tsps of minced garlic 1cm fresh ginger, grated (keep your ginger in the freezer to keep it fresh) ¼ tsp minced chilli OR chilli powder (to taste) 1 ¼ tsps turmeric ½ tsp coriander ½ tsp cumin 500g casserole beef (gravy beef or chuck steak), fat removed and diced 2 cups of chopped vegetables (mushrooms, capsicum, pumpkin, peas, cauliflower) 1 tsp beef stock mixed with 1 cup hot water 2 tsps soy sauce Directions 1. Prepare your vegetables 2. Cut your meat 3. Heat oil in a deep lidded pan and sauté onions, garlic, ginger and chilli 4. Add spices and stir until fragrant 5. Add meat and brown for a few minutes 6. Add chopped vegetables 7. Add stock and simmer for about 20-30 minutes until meat is tender. If you have plenty of liquid you can put the lid on at this stage to keep the moisture in. If you have too much liquid keep the lid off 8. When the meat is tender, add soy sauce and pepper to taste 9. Serve on rice

Increased Performance Output From weight training we gain a huge improvement in our www.ausm.org.nz

11.

Pasifika Affairs Officer: Malcolm Turner International Affairs Officer: Kapil Chopra Business and Law Faculty Rep: Andrew Hogg Health and Environmental Sciences Faculty Rep: Alijurani Applied Humanities Faculty Rep: Allie Blanchard Design Creative Technology Faculty Rep: Kizito Essuman If you need contact information about these guys please ring through on the AUT line and their extension is 8302! Email information can be found on our website under student voice or alternatively contact me and I will put you through to one of these Veronica Ng Lam lovelies. AuSM President Now some news and a word from our new but respectable sport 921 9999 ext 8571 co-ordinator in Manukau – Gus Malietoa. Here on the Manukau veronica.nglam@aut.ac.nz campus there is a silent storm of energy building around students, Greetings fellow Titans, staff and community. The vibe here at Manukau is movement and Uni Games 2011 saw the Titans come away with a second place victory. a changing mindset to be healthy and fit this year. After the wind Although across the road managed take out the shield don’t be disheartened as down of Uni Games, it’s been great returning to the tranquility the under dogs will see their day of victory soon. Once again, a job well done of this beautiful campus. People of the movement revolution to all the competitors, the people who spent many hours organising the games have spoken and they have expressed this year we all move as one and to AuSM for continuing to show student support by only charging you $1 towards healthier lifestyles. At this present moment it’s inspiring to participate! Now are we not just awesome? I think we are. to see and discuss with staff and students what they need to be This week I wanted to take some time to explain to you what and who your fresh and physically fit again. In terms of progress at Manukau we student executive is. Although our name sounds flash and almost like an have: walking groups, eight week Biggest Loser staff and student elite group of students, we are all here to serve the needs and wants of our challenges, hip hop classes, zumba, touch fotball, games etc....bring respective portfolios. These student representatives put in the time on top of it on :) their studies to ensure your voice being heard, go to meetings to make sure Also AuSM is half way finishing the NYC Central Park inspired your student perspective is in the core of decision making and continually walk and running fitness track. And all this is just the spark of what serve you whether you know it or not. is to come in 2011. Enjoy the week ahead - Ia manuia Vice President: Cameron Leslie Your fellow president, Post Graduate Affairs Officer: Gargi Khullar Maori Affairs Officer: Panetuku Rae

Veronica

Happy 10th birthday to Vesbar. We are celebrating all week with some big promotions – don’t miss out. Birthday Cards

Pick up a birthday card from the bar and start collecting stamps for every $5 you spend. Once you get five we’ll give you a present. When you hit 10 you’ll get an exclusive Vesbar 10th birthday t-shirt.

VIPs

First 100 Vesbar VIPs to flash their membership card and say “t-shirt” when making a purchase this week will get a free t-shirt. BTW If you have registered as a Vesbar VIP please collect your card from the bar.

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PARTY

We are throwing a massive party at the bar on May 20. There will be drink specials all day and the photo booth is back 11.30am to 2.30pm. From 6pm the action will kick off with DJ Lenski and CXL plus a birthday cake and balloon artist. There is no door charge – just come along. Wear your Vesbar birthday t-shirt and you could win a mega spot prize.

Special thanks

AuSM would like to acknowledge Vesbar manager Zane who has been with us nine out of 10 years. Zane has worked tirelessly to ensure that the bar is lively, fun and safe for all of the AUT students who have passed through its door over the years. Give him a pat on the back when you see him this week!

issue 10 2011

by Alisha Lewis

t’s one of those topics you tend to avoid discussing because it makes you feel kind of weird and squirmy inside – a bit like when your mum would tell you off for not finishing your dinner when there are millions of starving orphans in Africa. That weird feeling is guilt. It’s often not strong enough for us to actually recognise it as guilt, we just feel a little awkward – a little bad that we’re chilling out at Starbucks or wherever while somewhere in the world people are being stripped of their rights, traded like cattle and forced to do unspeakable things. We generally only feel guilty for a fraction of a second though, and then we sip our strawberry frappaccinos and move on. It’s a lot like the issue of extreme poverty – out of sight, out of mind. We know it happens, we know it’s terrible, but we aren’t really moved to do anything about it because we aren’t faced with it. Lately however, the issue has been attracting more and more attention. There have been debates, drafts of new legislation and a flurry of celebrity activism. People are beginning to realise how big the problem really is. Human trafficking – the illegal trade of humans for the purposes of reproductive slavery, sexual exploitation and other forms of modern day slavery – is one of the most serious issues facing our societies. Its existence is based on migration within or between countries through selling or buying; force, coercion, deception and violence. The human exploitation involved ranges from domestic labour, prostitution, organised begging, bonded labour and even organ harvesting. To put it into perspective, here are some of the vital stats of the global human trafficking trade:

There really hasn’t been much education or awareness on human trafficking at all. Many people had a vague idea of what it meant, but few really understood the scale of the problem. Recently that’s started to change as Hollywood started to pick up on the problem. Celebrities have begun campaigning and speaking up against the trade. Not only do they have to influence and star power to get messages through to people, but their involvement has also been giving the issue more coverage than ever before. Everyone knows about U2 front man Bono’s mammoth pro-freedom efforts to fight modernday slavery, but there are a number of other lower profile celebrities also getting behind the cause and making a real difference. Musician Talib Kweli is such a strong advocate of the movement to combat human trafficking he even added his music to the human trafficking film Call and Response. Ashley Judd is another critic of the trade. As a Goodwill Ambassador to the UN she “stumbled upon” the problem when she visited brothels, slums, hospices and other medical facilities while on a 12-nation tour to promote public health. Others who are lending their names, time and money to the cause include designer Diane von Furstenburg, Emma Thompson, Ricky Martin, Ashton Kutcher, Angelina Jolie and Mira Sorvino, who made one of the first major feature length films (Human Trafficking) about the trade. With so many celebrities dedicating themselves to this cause, awareness on the issue has been growing. One thing that hasn’t changed however, is that many people in developed nations such as New Zealand, continue to think of human trafficking as something greatly removed from our lifestyle and community. That kind of stuff only happens in developing nations in Africa and Asia right? Human trafficking is a billion dollar trade. The truth is, while human trafficking is a trade fuelled by factors such as poverty, economic The United Nations says two million people instability, and local customs, every country in every year are falling victim to the trade, the world is affected by it. Whether as a country many are from South East Asia and most of origin, transit or destination for victims, every are women. nation is involved. It happens here too. Human trafficking is one of the fastest While estimates of human trafficking are growing areas of international crime. reasonably modest, there have been reports of debt bondage and confiscation of documents among 46 per cent of victims are forced into women in prostitution. prostitution, 27 per cent into domestic New Zealand is also viewed as an ideal labour, 10 per cent into agricultural work, destination country for women being trafficked five per cent into factory work and 12 per from Malaysia, Hong Kong, China and other Asian cent into other areas. countries for sexual exploitation. While there have been no official reports of foreign trafficking 50 per cent of people trafficked into the since 2001, there is evidence of many women from US each year are children. Asia, Eastern Europe and South America working

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illegally as prostitutes. Human Rights Comission representative Terry O’Neill said that New Zealand’s relative affluence makes it attractive to traffickers and that although new cases had come to light, that doesn’t mean the trade is non-existent. Five years ago UN human trafficking expert Sigma Huda warned New Zealand officials of this very fact, saying that while most people think of human trafficking as forcibly smuggling women across borders to work as prostitutes, the trade is actually much broader than that. Victims can also include migrant workers, foreign fisherman, those in arranged marriages and mail order brides. “You have a lot of ads for those in New Zealand,” said Huda. “You have a lot of trafficking in New Zealand, but you have not been focussing on it as trafficking.” Huda explained how illegal migrant prostitutes are often seen as immigration problems rather than trafficking victims. Migrant women are susceptible to being forced into work, often being put in situations where they are unable to choose their options. Other at-risk areas in New Zealand are Chinese, Brazillian and Czech sex workers, foreign agricultural workers and possible inter-student extortion and sexual exploitation at Englishlanguage schools. In light of the warnings, and the growing global awareness against human trafficking, the New Zealand government has begun to take steps to try and combat the trade here. New Zealand immigration officials are also working alongside the Bali Process, which brings together countries from the Asia/Pacific region to work on practical measure to combat people smuggling and trafficking. Last October, a new campaign to raise public awareness was launched by the Department of Labour. The campaign aims to raise awareness of the risks associated with illegal migration ventures. It involves brochures in six languages being distributed to community groups and organisations around the country, outlining possible signs of human trafficking. While the brochures sound like a good idea – we definitely need to raise awareness on the issue – it seems like a bit of a weak effort. Most people in the country have never seen or been given access to the information and we remain largely uneducated on the topic. Human trafficking is a global problem but maybe it’s time to put more effort into raising awareness in our own backyard – especially since it’s a lot closer to home than people think.

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Don’t you just love it when one of the media brands releases a new “exclusive”? They take pride in stating that it is a special report or that the reporter is the person who broke the story. The following days and weeks features ‘developments’ in the scandal or story and often it results in some kind of public reaction or a public figure loses respect and tarnishes their image. You can tweet #winning on that, can’t you? The media is doing what they should be, right? Well, not always. These so called revelations are not always entirely truthful and to be honest, it is alarming me about the future of journalism in New Zealand and around the world. It appears to be that the sensationalist headline is worth more than the story and justice for the issue. Something to grab viewers and readers attention. Normally this kind of attention-seeking behaviour can be relatively harmless, but with the media it is quite different. Take One News political reporter Jessica Mutch; she ‘broke’ the story about the government replacing the ministerial car fleet with new BMWs. At face value, it appeared to be a bad look, Mutch reported this and commented on how the government told New Zealanders to tighten their belts just weeks before. Of course, there were opposition comments in there, as you would expect but that’s where the article ended – Mutch simply commented that the current fleet would be sold at auction. For the average viewer watching the news, they would have been seriously misled. No one is denying that the government has ordered new BMWs, but for people who would not look into the issue and simply rely on Mutch’s article, their view has been seriously biased. Mutch did not tell viewers that government cars were kept at high standards and would fetch a relatively similar price to what they were bought at. Thus, most of the price paid for the BMWs would be paid back by the sale of the current fleet and it would not be a ‘waste’ of public money. The lack of detail and the absence of the whole story does not end there. Labour MP Pete Hodgson’s now going on about a Diplomatic Protection Squad budget blowout. The DPS are police officers who follow the prime minister around, the guys in suits with earpieces. One News is, of course, criticising this and applying pressure to the government. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t believe the media should bow to the government – they just need to tell the whole story. However, One News criticised the DPS for a low-key presence when some wacko got into former Prime Minister Helen Clark’s backyard. Now, with threats being made to the prime minister and his family One News is criticising the high presence of protection. Which should it be TVNZ? The point that Helen Clark had DPS follow her round parliament and the fact that the budget blowout was higher under Labour is simply not being made clear enough. Yes, I have no problem with having an open debate about this in public, it is just that the media will only show you half of the story and often you have to go to a range of political bloggers to get a wider range of opinions. I understand the pressures of broadcast journalism and the tough deadlines – the need to get a story out. It’s hard to accept poor representation of an issue presented and of course, everything has a hint of bias in it depending on whom it is coming from. It becomes more serious when the media is involved, in particular television news, as a large part of the public have a tendency to not question what is shown to them on the screen. The media has a social responsibility to represent public interest and to correctly inform them. If journalism has a future of not telling the whole story for the sake of the headline and to simply get a story out, then it will be a very sad and misinformed future for public consumers of the news. To the media: Say it right or don’t say it at all.

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by Jarred Williamson

issue 10 2011

by Brendan Kelly NB: A baby puppy/panda/other cute animal died as a result of this grammatically incorrect headline

“The Ogre stalks with hands on hips, while drivel gushes from his lips.” W.H Auden on T Pain “Me fail English? That unpossible!” Ralph Wiggum on grammar

Many things scare me. Most of those things are pretty normal; the dark, that badass wolf thing from Neverending Story (his name is Gmork,

which is terrifying in itself) and dying alone in a house that smells like cat food despite the fact that I don’t own any cats. These aren’t phobias, because phobias are irrational. Fearing a giant wolf in a cave is the most rational thing ever. But in the past week another fear has come to my attention. Not so much a “fuck, there’s a giant wolf in a cave” type fear as a “fuck, this is actually happening and nobody is doing anything about it” type fear. In the past week I have had people tell me they are nervous, on “tender hooks”, even. I have heard the term “rope learning”. And I have learnt that the international Scrabble people (couldn’t be bothered googling the official name for them, the X Men, probably) have added 3000 new words to the official Scrabble dictionary. New additions include MySpace, Wiki, thang and innit. In other words, you are now allowed to ramble incoherently on a Scrabble board. We are now being encouraged to use incorrect English, and are being awarded points for doing so. It’s like paying people to steal from you (like the government! What brilliant satire). I have no issue with neologisms (means new words, look at me broadening your horizons. Good, innit? Innit, five points). But let’s say we allow this travesty to continue. Currently, the

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English language is actually quite a beautiful one. Songs have lyrics that can turn grumpy Graham ‘all my players are injured so now I can’t crack a fucking smile’ Henry into a quivering ball of emotion. Poets have the power to reflect a generation of thoughts and opinions in a few scrawled lines. But if we encourage the bastardisation of the language, we will spawn a generation of illiterates and linguistic meatheads. Children will roam the streets like orphaned tumbleweeds, smoking crack and drawling cockney rhyming slang for 17 points and a shiny silver penny. I am aware that new words form as a result of slang. But there has to be a limit. The additions to the Scrabble dictionary also included a couple of terms for drugs (again, I only watched the news story and I couldn’t be bothered trying to look up what they were). I don’t want to sound like an old fogie because, well, I’m 20. But just because you young people have come up with some fancy new fangled terms for crack doesn’t mean they have to be able to legitimately score you 24 points. But hell, this is a losing battle. The masses are against me on this one. People are constantly massacring the English language anyway, so here are some examples of what will be considered brilliant art in the future.

Pithy stuff, for sure. But it lacks the grace and beauty of our language, a language that was once proud and eloquent. A language that didn’t contain words like ‘Skype’ and ‘roflmao’. The New Zealand Scrabble representative (may or may not be his official title, one can only hope though) didn’t seem too fussed by it. He was mainly annoyed that they left out the word ‘jandal’. You’re a loser, Scrabble guy, sort your shit out. Omitting a word is nothing, nothing, compared to what these evil Scrabble bastards are up to. By including slang they are legitimising idiocy and promoting doltishness. If we allow it to continue the English language may be ruined forever. As with my academic essays, I have typed until I’m 300 words away from my word limit. Conclusion time. If slang is accepted into the Scrabble dictionary, it’s only a matter of time before it gets into the real people’s dictionary too. If I ever see the word ‘thang’ in there, I will know who to blame. Also, it is “fell swoop”, not “foul swoop”. You can be on tenterhooks, but not tender hooks. And just because you might “show someone the ropes”, doesn’t mean you can also rope learn something. Things to take away from this lecture: don’t say “innit”. Do not attempt to use the word “thang” in an essay. If you happen to know any Scrabble type people, punch them in the gonads for being so shit. If you want to be terrified for three minutes and 46 seconds, type ‘Gmork’ into YouTube. My house doesn’t smell like cat food. And if you want to save the English language, boycott Scrabble. It’s crap and for old people anyway.

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by Alisha Lewis

or those of us born ahead of the new millennium, our lives can easily be divided into two timeframes: “before 9/11” and “after 9/11”. Before the 9/11 terrorist attacks we didn’t have to take our shoes off when going through airport security, barriers between races and religions were beginning to come down and we believed the world was a pretty safe place - bar the occasional lunatic. Then the towers fell and everything changed. It was as though we’d lived on a quiet street for so long – where everyone left their doors unlocked and kids played freely in the streets – when suddenly there was a robbery, an attack, and the dynamic shifted. People began locking their doors, getting fancy new alarm systems and refusing to let their kids walk to the bus stop alone anymore. The world was gripped with a severe case of paranoia, particularly evident in airports. The atmosphere became tense and security was hugely jacked up. Getting on a plane became a much scarier experience for everyone. We’ve all suffered the brunt of post 9/11 paranoia in some way; having to throw out an expensive bottle of perfume because we forgot to put it in one of those clear plastic bags, or having that metal detecting wand shoved a little too close for comfort. But it’s fair to say that those who have been all the innocent people who happen to look like

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they could, maybe possibly, know someone who might be related to Osama bin laden – or one of his five million cousins. People of Muslim faith and Middle Eastern culture have been unfairly targeted and judged as being in some way linked to an extremist organisation simply because they share the same culture, religion and/or appearance as those extremists. That’s like saying be wary of all ItalianAmericans because they’re bound to be murdering mafia members. Somehow the only dangerous ‘grenade’ I can see Pauly D or The Situation throwing out is one that followed them home from a club on Saturday night. It’s incredibly unreasonable to persecute an entire race and religion because of the decisions of a few. Unfortunately it seems that this is what’s been happening; not so much here in New Zealand but definitely overseas in the US, where paranoia is running rife. Just last week two US Muslim men, wearing tradition clothing, were removed from a domestic flight because the pilot refused to fly them, even though they had cleared security. The incident happened, unsurprisingly, in the city of Memphis in America’s South – an area notorious for harbouring red-neck, racist attitudes. The plane had actually started to move when the pilot changed his mind and returned to the terminal. One of the Muslim men, Masudur Rahman, a professor of Arabic at the University of Memphis, said the pilot told him he didn’t want them on board because some passengers “might be upset or uncomfortable”. Incidentally, the two men were on their way to a conference on prejudice against Muslims. They did manage to make it to the conference in the end – they were transferred to another airline and compensated for their trouble – but

this in no way alleviates the fact that the incident shouldn’t have happened in the first place. Online forums have been buzzing online since the incident, with people eager to share their opinion on the pilot’s controversial decision. While many people agree that it was a completely racist, unnecessary act, others have been taking the “better to be safe than sorry” route. In light of recent events – the death of Osama bin Laden and subsequent heightened risk of retaliatory terrorist attacks – it’s hard to see who’s got it right. Has the world gone overboard with the security and paranoia or is it reasonable to take such extraordinary measures in the name of caution? Personally, I think that the moment we start encouraging enmity amongst each other, we start creating cracks and divisions within our own team. Through these cracks, terrorist organisations can find a way to get past the barriers and security. We should be coming together not growing apart. US political commentator David Sirota recently voiced this point on Salon.com, saying, “We may have inadvertently let Osama bin Laden win. That is, we have let him and what he represents, change us, bring us down, and make us more of a nihilistic people”. Basically, I think everyone needs to lighten up a bit. That doesn’t mean you should pull a Mr Bean and pretend you have a gun when really you’re just holding your hand in the shape of a pistol. No one will find that funny. Nor should you crack an Osama joke in the middle of LAX. Tread carefully, because it is a sore subject for a lot of people and the reality of the situation is that many people are scared. We just shouldn’t be so scared of each other. While it’s definitely a fair call that security should be taken seriously, maybe we should approach the whole thing with a little more understanding and a little less prejudice.

issue 10 2011

Top 10 things you shouldn’t say at airport security 1. ‘Hi [insert name]!’(but only if the

person’s name is Jack)

2. “Oh, I’ve been wondering where I

put my Samurai sword!” (as the metal detector goes off)

3. “Wouldn’t it be funny if someone said ‘bomb’?” 4. “I’m not taking off my belt unless there’s dinner and a movie involved.” 5. “This machine only picks up guns and knives right?” 6. “Be careful with that, there’s a

bomb in there.”

7. “That’s not a gun, I’m just really happy to see you.”

Watch your language – avoid the ‘B’ word

Basically, try and avoid the word ‘bomb’ at all costs or you could find yourself in a situation like this… (From the film Meet the Parents). Norm: You were acting like a maniac and you threatened her (stewardess) with a bomb. Greg Focker: No, I said I didn’t have a bomb. Norm: But you said bomb. Greg: I said, “It’s not like I have a bomb”. Norm: You said “Bomb” on an airplane. Greg: What’s wrong with saying “Bomb” on an airplane? Norm: You can’t say “Bomb” on an airplane! Greg: Bomb bomb bomb, bomb bomb bomb bomb bomb bomb bomb. You gonna arrest me? Bomb bomb bomb bomb! During the war I was a BOMBadier!

8. “Ooh..oh..ahh..yes..yes..YES!!” (Avoid any such When Harry Met Sally moments). 9. “Hey, our flight number’s changed. Someone go tell Osama – he’s down by the magazine stand.” 10. “Sorry, but you need an invite to

attend the party in my pants.”

In all seriousness though, airport security have absolutely NO sense of humour. You’ll be taken to the little back room/ handcuffed/shipped to Guantanamo quicker than you can say, “I was kidding!” In fact, in the US it’s actually a federal offence to joke about weapons and you could be fined up to $10,000.

1. Keep a close watch on your luggage and passport at the airport. Thieves often target when baggage is going through security screening, when passengers are sleeping or using the restroom. 2. Check in and get past security quickly. Wait to do duty-free shopping once you’re through – the ‘pre-security’ parts of airports have been mentioned as possible targets in the European terror alert. 3. If you can, choose an exit row seat. If you can’t get one, choose a seat near the plane’s rear. Hi-jackers would focus their attention to the front of the plane/ cockpit. This will give you time to get to your cell phone and inform the authorities. 4. Be observant. If you notice strange behaviour from another passenger, notify a flight attendant immediately.

Current security threats around the world…

We’re pretty safe here in New Zealand but here’s the lowdown on what’s going on overseas: • United States – highest since 9/11 • Britain – current threat level ‘severe’ • France – terror threat at second highest level • Germany – 80 per cent of Germans believe the country will face an attack • Spain – terror threat at second highest level • Italy – on ‘high alert’ • India – threat level ‘increased’ • South Asia – ‘high threat level’ With Europe under an unprecedented terror alert, the US has issued a travel alert. Intelligence agencies in Europe and the US are concerned that terrorists have targeted airports, hotels and tourist attractions for attacks in the mold of those that took place in Mumbai in 2008.

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Tips for travelling during the reign of terror…

5. Don’t wear conspicuous jewellery or clothing – and don’t carry large amounts of money with you. 6. This is a bit of a no brainer: don’t leave luggage unattended and don’t accept packages/anything from strangers. 7. Limit the amount of personal information you share when chatting to another traveller/passenger. 8. Carry a flashlight with you. It can help you get out of a blacked out hotel or momentarily disorient an attacker. 9. Choose your hotels wisely. Avoid international chains or high-profile hotels. Stay at a local hotel instead. 10. Visualise your exits. In a hotel, plan your escape route. In a plane try and actually listen to the safety instructions, identify the exits and visualise a plan of escape.

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homosexual?

by Jess Etheridge

“Electric cars are gay.” This one line uttered by a character, played by Vince Vaughn, in The Dilemma caused outrage in the United States, with homosexual advocacy groups calling for the scene to be axed from the film. It is not because electric cars are sexually attracted to other cars, but because the word ‘gay’ has become so colloquially known as meaning ‘hopeless’. Experts say this definition of ‘gay’ found its way from America into New Zealand culture during the early 90s and has continued to become a popular way of vocalising disappointment. Lisa Rapley, 23, says she picked up the term through different aspects of popular culture – specifically music – and says it was “weird” that the word was associated with such meaning. “I was actually thinking about it last night, [about] when I started using it. It was a few years ago when Fall Out Boy’s album Infinity On High was released. “And then what my friends started to do; we would say something was ‘gay’. We really hated it at that time, saying that something was ‘gay’ when we actually meant something was ‘lame’.” Rapley explains that the word became a part of her everyday vocabulary and, in her opinion, did not specifically relate to negative connotations. She now uses ‘gay’ often in casual conversation, interchangeably with ‘lame’, but does not think about other connotations that come with the word. “It’s kind of weird. I don’t use it as a derogatory term or anything. “I have never actually thought that it could be offensive, the conscious thought [about the meaning] is not there.”

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Senior lecturer in media communication at AUT, Dr Rosser Johnson, says the definition started to become more prominent a decade ago. He first noticed it being used in the mid90s as a synonym for ‘trying too hard’. “You started to get a much greater visibility of gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, lifestyles and so on, some of that in media, some of that in schools, where ever. Part of the issue I think is there was a, not always, but an earnestness of increased visibility and normalising of the lifestyle,” he says. He explains the gay community took the “term of abuse” and claimed it as a word of empowerment. He says popular culture, such as film, television and music, can influence audiences because it is marketed “for everyone”, which may give the impression that it is an acceptable term. It is the wide accessibility of this culture, Dr Johnson says, which means society and the media reflect what trends are around that time. He says media consumed by audiences on a regular basis has a stronger effect on perceptions of what is ‘normal’. However, he also says if one minority group’s culture is represented in the mass media, the ideas can develop into mass culture. Johnson explains that the film The Dilemma may be reflecting what language use is already occurring in Western society and he is not surprised the film and other media have picked up on the word usage so easily. “I guess it’s a bit [flippant], but words [can] change their meaning.”

Professor Miriam Meyerhoff, from the University of Auckland linguistics department, researches sociolinguistics, the study on the aspects of society and the effect on words, and says the word ‘gay’ has undertaken many transformations of meaning since the early 1920s. Meyerhoff also researches language and the relationship with gender and says the word has taken on connotations relating to both men and women in the past. In the 12th century, the word was associated with joy and happiness, however in the 19th century the word morphed into a more female-oriented word relating to immorality. The word’s meaning changed again during the 20th century to its more specific meaning of homosexuality. It was used in conversation as a signal for sexual preference amongst homosexual speakers. The definition of the word initially meant happiness but in the 1980s, Meyerhoff explains, the word picked up the more generic negative associations in a response to social pressures felt among not just queer youth but heterosexual youth as well. The word settled on a more commonly-known meaning in the 1980s, she says, of ‘hopeless’ which is one of the many ways the word is used today. Meyerhoff says words, such as “gay”, pick up negative connotations as a reflection of how hegemonic the pressures on youth have been in the past. She says because homosexuals were seen as uninterested in the opposite sex and seen as not trying to fit into heterosexual

issue 10 2011

was quoted as saying, “that’s so gay”. “Mass media doesn’t use words unless they are already prominent in society at the time. If it’s completely new, it fails to communicate the message intended. “I don’t think it’s just that people look down on people who are gay. I think you need to look at who the particular group, the speakers who seem to have made this jump and ask ‘what does this word mean’ and ‘how does this fit into the logic of how those people were using language’.” The new definition, she explains, may be used so casually in everyday conversation because of underlying prejudice and bigotry, which is still prominent society today. “People don’t think about what they’re saying. We’ve seen some fairly clear examples of that in the media recently. People just still don’t stop to think about how much harm and hurt the things that they say might cause to somebody else.” culture that they were ‘failures’ in society. She says people are entitled to use what words “Basically, if you [were not] successful as a heterosexual teenager, then you were ‘hopeless’. they want but does emphasise that the English “So to be gay is to be hopeless and to be unsuccessful at whatever is the norm is how I would language has no shortage of words that have interpret it.” appropriate meanings for how we feel or think. Meyerhoff taught in the United Kingdom for 10 years from 2001, where she noticed students Vlatkovich says kids can pick up the slang using the word to mean ‘hopeless’ and believes the connotation was picked up from American from television shows and films and that the popular culture. mass media have a responsibility to keep in “Once a word picks up negative connotations or meaning, it spreads really quickly into other mind the impression they leave on youth. domains. Even for older speakers today, it just basically means happiness or joy.” “Basically, people take a lot of what they use in A spokesperson for Rainbow Youth, Katija Vlatkovich, says the use of a word associated with everyday life from pop culture.” identity to mean something negative has serious effects on queer youth. Vlatkovich says it is great when a film is Rainbow Youth is a not-for-profit organisation, founded in 1989 as an awareness network for brought into discussion about word use and gay, queer, lesbian and transgender youth. The foundation offers advice and support through social influences on youth as it creates dialogue social groups and events and also provides a drop-in centre in Auckland City. Vlatkovich says but believes the film makers should not have the organisation has had included the word use in the first place. a large response from the “It’ll be interesting to see how they’ve applied gay community about the use of the word and how it [gay] to the film. If they’ve taken it out of the trailer, then that really doesn’t have a point.” affects them. Johnson explains there is a lack of universal “It completely puts definitions for words such as ‘gay’. He says by the wrong associations broadcasting the incorrect definitions, the mass with something that has media is taking no responsibility. “I think there completely nothing to do would be a responsibility for popular cultural with the term.” texts to be, if you like, ‘correct’; if we could She adds that the use of agree on what is correct – and I think that’s the negative meaning has impact on gay youth and is considered a form of bullying. the problem, or the issue, rather than popular “I think a lot of it is to do with their own self-acceptance. “If a gay peer being within their peers, if they’re hearing their peers putting them down, it’s going culture.” Vlatkovich believes The Dilemma filmmakers to make them feel pretty bad. The teenage years, they’re pretty formative years; you’re finding your feet, finding who you are. [Using the word] is definitely going to have an effect on their self-esteem may think electric cars are ‘gay’ but should think about the impression they are leaving on and self-worth.” young people. Vlatkovich says an education co-ordinator for Rainbow Youth runs workshops at different high “I respect people’s entitlement to their own schools to educate teenagers on the repercussions of using specific words. Professor Meyerhoff says ‘semantic derogation’, which means the definition of a word becoming personal expression but when you’re doing it where it’s going to have an effect on someone derogatory towards a group in society, has occurred more often and can be related to the else in a negative term, it shouldn’t happen in representation of certain groups in the mass media. She says it is a natural process for words to the media.” change meaning, especially in relation to an ‘us and them’ idea, which separates one group from The Rainbow Youth drop-in centre is located another. Other words that have morphed, such as wench which started a neutral term for a child, on Karangahape Road in central Auckland. have changed meanings with time. Professor Meyerhoff first came across the use of ‘gay’ in the mass media as a character in a film For more information on support the organisation provides visit www.rainbowyouth.org.nz.

www.ausm.org.nz

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Romance films: killing actual relationships since ages ago by Samantha McQueen Romance films are a wonderful cinematic enigma. It’s one of the only genres of film that can rate so poorly with critics but is still someone’s number one movie. Women will turn out in droves to watch Rachel McAdams/ Kate Hudson/Katherine Heigl have their hearts broken in a series of predictable and “comedic” events before eventually reaching that sought after happy ending. And audiences will go back for seconds, too. Based on my 22 years of observation, girls are generally more content to watch the same movies over and over again, just because of how great (read: romantic) they are. Guys are more likely to pick an obscure mind fuck movie that they’ll watch and think is awesome, but they’ll probably never watch it again by choice (unless it’s rerunning on Sky Movie Greats). Why are girls perfectly content with staying in on a Sunday afternoon watching A Walk To Remember or Never Been Kissed for the 10th time? The short answer: torture. It doesn’t matter that these types of films are considered crap by most; if you’re crying for at least 20 per cent of the film, it’s an instant classic. Look at most girls’ DVD collections. They are not tributes to the Hollywood greats, like Shawshank, the Godfather and Tom Hanks. No, they’re a tiny selection of 10 or so romantic movies, usually containing at least one Nicholas Sparks remake. My collection of 11 has two. Nicholas Sparks is the “godfather” of the romance genre. No matter what film of his you are watching, they all end up morphing into the same movie by the end. He creates two attractive characters (for some reason they’re all white), gives them an obstacle that makes their love seem impossible, have them fall in love anyway and then he throws in a life-changing disaster that threatens their relationship.

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Examples:

The Notebook: Rachel McAdams and

Ryan Gosling, her parents are rich dicks, she chooses him anyway, she gets Alzheimer’s.

Dear John: Amanda Seyfried and Channing Tatum, 9/11, they write love letters, her neighbour gets cancer so she marries him. These films don’t do anything for our brain cells (in fact, we probably lose more watching love montages than sniffing petrol) but that doesn’t stop us falling for the characters as we’re reaching for the Kleenex. These type of people don’t exist in real life. In fact, I’m sure if they did, they’d be burned at the stake by the common man (romance is a lot like witchcraft). Back in the day, gentlemen like Humphrey Bogart, Gregory Peck and Fred Astaire sent the hearts of women soaring. Twenty-five years ago it was Patrick Swayze, Kevin Bacon and Richard Gere that left them hot and bothered. Nowadays it’s Robert Pattinson, Ryan Reynolds and Zac Efron that’s sending today’s young romantics into hysterics. The common thread between all these men and their films? They’re ruining our perception of men in real life. Sorry guys, but every time I have dinner with my single friends it quickly escalates into them launching an angry tirade of them counting the ways all men are pigs. It doesn’t matter how rational they are in every other aspect of their lives, mention the word penis and they crumble into an obsessive, Facebook-stalking monster. And it’s all the same problems too. “He didn’t appreciate me enough.” “He cheated on me.” “He didn’t say he’d be a bird too.” Ladies, when was the last time you met a man who threw you around the dance floor,

blasted a love song from a boom box, climbed a fire escape to declare his love or built you a house? The answer: never. Apparently the big movie declarations don’t play out like they do in movies, which is why women are so disappointed when they finally land a guy. No wonder there are so many tears on Valentine’s Day; women are expecting the whole florist shop to turn up at their house, like Patrick Dempsey in Sweet Home Alabama, that they’re disappointed if their man has acknowledged the holiday at all. Giving a book to say sorry is nothing – the Beast gave Belle an entire library. And a home cooked meal just won’t cut the mustard when other romantic heroes have hired out the whole restaurant for a romantic dinner for two. Women are constantly told that they are the leading ladies in their own lives. They deserve prince charming, who makes them feel like the most beautiful person in the world. Of course, this is being preached to us by million dollar movies and women so stunning you wonder how people could possibly buy that they’re so unlucky in love in the first place. But romance films are not going anywhere. They’ll continue to churn out movies that feature make over montages, airport chase scenes, women sliding down the wall crying and every other romantic cliché you would find in chick flicks. Guys will always groan when they see those cheesy movie posters that feature a wedding dress, a man and a woman gazing into each other eyes or Jennifer Aniston. There will be a new lot of heartthrobs that will steal the hearts of girls the world over, while the every man will stay the villain. After all, no one mortal can compete with Matthew McConaughey and his 64 abs.

issue 10 2011

ult classic gaming, there is not a lot of them. Although the shoot ‘em up genre might be the most popular, it is not the mighty shoot ‘em up that has the most cult classic games. Yeah, you’ve got Duke Nukem, (which new version is finally coming out very soon), but others tend to be forgotten after a year or so of being released. Let’s use the Metal of Honour games, or even the Call of Duty games, as an example. There are so many games in these series that no one could easily work out which game is what; they all get blurred. The games that truly stand out as cult classic gaming are the games of the platform genre. What I would call the golden age of platform games is the Play Station one era. During this period of gaming, a lot platform games were released and truly defined what the gaming industry is like day. Crash Bandicoot was unleashed to the world in 1996. For such a simplistic game, it caught the imagination of lots of people. Although the game was basically a 2D platform game with very little exploration, it was the 3D-ness of it all that made the game what it was. Between 1997 and 1999, the developers Naught Dog released three more sequels, one them being a racing game. After that, they would hand the games over to other developers, so that they could work on a new series. Although the games made after the series was handed over were okay, it was never as great as the first four games. Also seen as Crash Bandicoot’s twin, Spyro the Dragon will always have a special place in my heart. It was the game that introduced me to gaming. I can remember going over to my friend’s place and watching him play this game and I managed to convince my parents to buy it for me too. Although it would take me many years to actually clock this game, I got incredibly addicted to it. Collecting gems has never felt as fun since. The developers, Insomniac, would release two more games, Gateway to Glimmer, and Year of the Dragon, but the first would always be the best in my mind. Unlike Crash Bandicoot, after Insomniac was forced to hand it over, Spyro has not been treated all that well. Two more games were released on the Play Station, with one of them (Enter the Dragonfly) being the worst game ever made (seriously, this is true. One screen would take 10 minutes to load up, and the game player isn’t any better). I was glad when they killed Spyro off at the end of the rebooted trilogy. I long for the good old days when Spyro kicked ass, and collected a lot of gems for no reason what so ever, other than handing it all over to Moneybags (teaching kids at a young age that capitalism is not good). One series from the golden era however has stayed in the golden era. I was only six years old when this game came out (you do the maths), but like most other kids, I discovered it long after the fact, thanks to the demo that came with every PS1. Yep, this is the Tombi! series www.ausm.org.nz

(Tomba! in America). I confess to downloading this game onto my PSP, and have been playing it nonstop for the past few days (I’m getting twitches currently writing this article – need to play more!). For those not familiar with this game, it is a platform problem solver game, which RPG added in there just for kicks. You are a jungle boy that jumps from tree to tree, kicking piggy ass. What I liked about these games is how simple they seem, yet how complex they are. The main task in both of the game is to find pig bags, which then leads you to a pig gate, and then you have to throw an evil pig into the bag, and capture them. That might have not made much sense, but the rest of the game doesn’t either. Humans get turned into mice, help the greatest thief escape prison, and those damn smiley and crying doors (eating magic mushrooms has never seemed so sensible). If you can find this game (it’s actually pretty rare), buy it – even if it means borrowing out a loan. And for those that were fans of this game from the beginning, when you have spare time (or just want to waste time that could be used for better things like assignments), get this game out and have a few hours of nostalgia, when life was much simpler. Unfortunately, no more games were made from this series. The developers went bankrupt and luckily the series was never butchered like Crash Bandicoot and Spyro. It is kind of funny that the developers that started the golden era also ended it. Jak and Daxter was released in 2001, with the launch of the Play Station 2. The game featured the same concept as Spyro, however it also introduced the idea of an open world and cinematic movie sequences, much like what games are like today. The one liners Daxter made cracked a lot of people up, especially when you die. Although the sequels of the Jak series were great, along with the Ratchet & Clank series, they were never as great as the games made during the golden age of gaming. Most platform games made now are pretty pathetic (although the game Scaler – released in 2004 – was a hidden classic. Although the game was brilliant, it was completely ignored. It was too late, no one wanted platform games. These games I have mentioned above are only a few games of this era that I would call cult classic games (if I had more room, I would have written about Ape Escape, Wild Arms, Star Ocean and the Abe games). Their influence is in a lot of games today, with Spyro having influence on Just Cause 2, Crash Bandicoot influencing Little Big Planet, and A Hero’s Tail (Spyro 5) being a cheap Jak and Daxter rip off. Unfortunately, Tombi! is unique, with no other game like it (other than possibly Klonoa, which I am yet to play) which is a shame. The idea was brilliant. A tricky one to pull off, but brilliant. Much more original than shooting at people; I could just join the army if I wanted to do that. Although eating a magic mushroom might get me the same experience.

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Old ladies need to have more clas

Is the dating age gap more flexible for celebrities than everyday Joes?

Twenty-four-year-old singer Rebecca Ferguson (who I can guarantee most of you have no idea who she is) is currently dating 18-year-old Zayn Malik of Brit boy band One Direction (think Justin Bieber times five). The two met while competing on reality singing comp The X Factor UK late last year. They have reportedly been dating for many months now but have kept it top secret because they wanted to avoid criticisms over the six year age gap. Rebecca, mum of two, says Zayn pursued her for a long time before she finally let down her guard and she’s the happiest she’s ever been apparently. Her response? Sexism. “I mean, Madonna does it and she gets a round of applause. It’s like ‘Go on, Madge!’,” she told News Of The World earlier this month. And I tend to agree. Rebecca is fully capable of knowing what is and what isn’t a good romantic situation, having been in seriously disastrous relationships in the past. Life lesson: No matter the age gap, people need to realise you can be in a great, loving relationship and bottle feed your children AND your boyfriend at the same time. Multi-tasking, hooray!

Furry flop like flogging a dead horse

Mel Gibson’s latest film, The Beaver, has just been released and to horrible reviews at that. But to rub salt in the wound, it only made just over $100,000. Sure, it had a limited release but this is the original Mad Max we’re talking about here! Alas, Mel’s personal life has really messed up any sort of career he had. After being taken to court by baby mama Oksana on battery charges, Mel went on a tirade as I’m sure you all know about. Anyway, the film is a massive flop and it looks like there is absolutely no hope for Melly in the future, unless he goes on reality show Celebrity Rehab with Dr Drew. Previous celebs who have since appeared on the show, like Gary Busey and Janis Dickinson, has since appeared on other reality shows. Really hit the big time huh? Life lesson: You can’t flog a dead horse like Mel’s career, but he’ll probably flog a woman or two to make himself feel better. Don’t follow in his footsteps, kids.

Lil Kim has been throwing some serio us shade at Nicki Minaj for the last six months, all because she feels underapprecia ted. Welcome to the club, honey. Minaj, who has been around for the last few years, really blew up last year after featuring on tracks with Jay Sean, Jay-Z and Kanye West. She even appeared on Britney Spears’ latest Till The World Ends remi x with Ke$ha. But Lil Kim, badass female rapp er of the 1990s, ain’t too happy about the bubblysweet MC. Last year, Nicki Minaj listed Kim as one of her influences but from then on simply forgot to mention her anytime she was asked the same question. This hit a nerve with Kim who has since dissed Min aj in any interview she gets, as well as writing screeds of hateful messages on Twitter and released Black Friday, a parody/diss album to Minaj’s Pink Friday. But ‘ish got real serious last month when, after Osama bin Laden’s deat h was announced, Nicki Minaj apparently tweeted “You next, Lil Kim” and then deleted it. Kim lost it. Here’s a selection of her tweets, suitable censored: “I would never name her ‘Sh***y Garb aj’!!! My dog is way prettier than that b*** *!!!” “What type of coward lame a** b*** * tweets some sh** and then deletes it. REAL b*****es stand by what they say BOZ O” “You cheap stocking cap glued $10 bag hair wig wearing b****” That last one is my personal favourite . Life lesson: When you reach the ripe old age of ‘irrelevant’, dissing younger, more successful artists makes you look like a bitter old witch. Preach.

Internet personas: The United States of You The Hooch/Gangster

Something comes over people when they log online. Whether it’s shyness or defence tactics, we’re never completely ourselves. We use different language and have a different attitude, and the pictures are always showing the best version of ourselves. People tend to fall into three different archetypes online – which one are you?

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Usually taken on by white people who are desperately trying to gain some kind of street cred, The Gangster can be a combination of many different stereotypes. The wannabe rapper is one who leaves rhyming Facebook comments or spends half an hour writing out a response that they intend to make them look hardcore. Such comments could include how many hoes one has in different area codes or how many shots of Patron they did last night at that sleazy club downtown. These comments never impress anyone, they just show how tragic one’s life can be. The female version, The Hooch, is one who is a serial kiss-leaver. At the end of every comment, whether it’s “can you bring some milk home” or “I really hate Judy Bailey” they will leave an ‘x’ as a symbol of a kiss. A meaningless comment instantly transforms into a flirty transfer. “I really like that hair colour on you x”, “My favourite dairy product is cheese x” or “My cat just died x”. The Hooch may also revert to using slang such as “chur” or “mean” when they may not even say it in person. Many a friend have been confused when, in person,

they ask The Hooch what they thought of the latest movie release and their response is “it was simply delightful!” But online The Hooch may post a picture from the movie and say “This movie was MEAN, bro!”

The Super Kawai’I Emoticon Addict

If you see a friend on Facebook using cutesy symbols to portray an emotion or face, you may have a friend who suffers from Super Kawai’i Emoticon Addiction (SKEA). SKEA-types have a secret love for anime and spend their time online ‘liking’ pictures on Deviantart and the like. They also enjoy watching YouTube videos and writing anonymous love notes on Formspring. They enjoy the cute things in life, including love and PDA. They may become overly friendly online, complimenting you on your eyelashes or retinas, and entering sweet faces to emphasise these comments, like < ( ^ ____ ^ ) >. Emoticons can be cute at first but when they become more and more difficult to construct is when frustration sets in. *!#*!^*&:-! In person, SKEAs may not talk much, or they may not acknowledge they type such faces on the internet. Many are in

denial about their addiction so best to be there, support them and help them get through it. Send them a @>--;-and they may feel better about it.

The Enigma

Some people are natural socialites. They make friends everywhere they go, they make conversation easy and they have mates in high and low places but they may be MIA online. You know the people I’m talking about, they’re the life of the party but post a status update once every couple of months. When quizzed about why The Enigma is the way he or she is, they respond with “I just prefer a face-to-face conversation”, which isn’t wrong or anything, it’s just against the cultural norm. There may be deeper, more personal reasons for their non-existent online life. Maybe they’re on the run from the Secret Service, so they limit their time online to avoid being caught in a Google search. A past internet addiction may be the cause, where they were formerly cyber bullied on an IRC chat room or had their photos doctored to feature unkind facial features. We may never know the true reason. issue 10 2011

by Ksenia Khor

Lollapalooza (USA)

hat can be more invigorating than attending a big music festival and seeing your favourite bands live? Almost every country holds a number of music festivals worth going to and it’s just impossible to describe them all. No matter what kind of music you prefer, you can always find an event which will suit your taste. This time, I would like to give an overview of top must-see festivals from different continents.

Glastonbury Festival of Contemporary Performing Arts (UK)

Known by most simply Glastonbury, this festival is a music lover’s dream. It’s the largest festival in the world which attracts more than 150,000 people every year. It usually takes place in the end of June at Worthy Farm, Pilton in South West England. Glastonbury has something to offer for every music taste: on its 13 stages you can see all kinds of performances: not just music, but also theatre, circus and comedy. However, Glastonbury is the most famous for its impressive line up. For example, this year’s includes U2, Beyonce and Coldplay as headliners, The Chemical Brothers, Queens of the Stone Age, The Wombats, Jessie J and many more. Attending such a festival can possibly be one of the most memorable events of your life. The only downside is that tickets are sold out almost instantly, so bookings at least half a year in advance are essential.

The Reading and Leeds festivals (UK)

Carling weekend are a pair of music festivals held simultaneously in two cities: Reading and Leeds in England. They are a bit smaller than Glastonbury but still have an impressive line-up. This year, bands like the Strokes, Interpol, 30 Seconds to Mars, the Offspring, the Horrors and the Vaccines are going to rock on several stages of both festivals. In previous years these events were graced by legends like Nirvana (in 1991 they gave one of their greatest performances ever), The Rolling Stones, Ramones, The Who and Radiohead. What is also great, there is a special BBC introducing stage that gives an opportunity for unsigned bands to show off their talents and get more exposure.

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Roskilde (Denmark)

This is one of the most significant music events in North Europe with six stages, more than 20,000 volunteers and about 80,000 visitor a year. It takes place on the outskirts of the picturesque city of Roskilde which has a long history dating back to the times of the Vikings. Originally more Scandinavian-oriented it now attracts guest from all over the world. It is not surprising because world famous artists like Bob Dylan, Oasis, R.E.M., the Clash and Aerosmith have performed there.

This three day annual music festival is held in August in the city of Chicago, Illinois. Initially, Lolla toured America and Canada spending two days in each city. However, since 2005 the format has changed and now the festival is based in Grant Park, a gorgeous place in the heart of Chicago. Thanks to location, it’s possible for music fans not only to see a diverse range of performances but also to check out the farmers market, buy some authentic hand-made souvenirs and basically enjoy the vibe of a big city. The line-up includes Foo Fighters, Eminem, Arctic Monkeys, The Drums and more than other 100 notable bands. Also, the organisers want Lollapalooza to expand internationally. This year, for example, it was held in Santiago, Chile. More fun stuff for the global community.

Big Day Out (Australia/New Zealand)

Our own backyard is also host to one of the world’s top music festivals, and it’s also a lot easier to get tickets for. It started out in Sydney in 1992 and since then has expanded to Adelaide, Melbourne, Perth, Gold Coast and Auckland (they recently had their 100 BDO in Rock Werchter (Belgium) Sydney). Choose the closest venue and have a This festival is located in a small town of great time. The line-up is almost the same in Werchter just 30 km away from the capital, every city so you won’t miss out on anything. Brussels. Attracting about 80,000 people a The festival attracts a range of notable artists year, Rock Werchter received the award for like Nirvana, the Stooges, Rammstein, Marilyn the best music festival in the world and that Manson, Iggy Pop and the Prodigy, not to is quite impressive considering how many superb festivals there are in other neighbouring mention that the Big Day out has also launched career of a number of local talents. It kicks off countries and across the ocean. This year you in Auckland in mid-January, so we have to wait can catch Kings of Leon, The Hives, Kaiser till next year to don our jean shorts, sunnies Chiefs, the Vaccines and the Black Eyed Peas performing during the Rock Werchter weekend. and rock out in the sun.

The Coachella Valley Music and Arts festival (USA)

This is another festival many of you would have already heard of. Held in sunny California, Coachella attracts between 25,000 and 50,000 people each year. It’s a continuous celebration of contemporary music and art. The atmosphere there is pretty surreal: imagine wandering from one stage to another in a desert with temperatures rising to 40 degrees with massive avant-garde sculptures all over the place. A variety of music styles are also presented. Previous line ups include Muse, Gorrilaz, Paul McCartney, the Cure, The Killers and more.

Splendour in the Grass (Australia)

Most music festivals take place in the heat of summer, but this across the ditch festival takes place in winter. Despite the chillier temperatures, it still manages to attract up to 30,000 people to its location in Woodford, Queensland. During the festival you can stay in a lovely tee pee life village which reminds you of traditional Native American settlements. This year’s Splendour in the Grass will be attended by the Kills, Regina Spektor, the Hives, Kaiser Chiefs, the Vines, Architecture in Helsinki and more great bands worth seeing. You can still buy tickets.

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Horoscopes, according to Steve Jobs (and the magic of shuffle)

by Brendan Kelly

he issue with writing about music is, well, fuck me sideways. I don’t know a goddamn thing about music. Here’s a list of other things I know nothing about: cars, meat processing, Indian elephants and social interaction. Things I do know about: candy canes, African elephants, bicycle chains, rhyming and magic eight balls. And so the germ of an idea appears; I will predict the occurrences of next week by putting my iTunes on shuffle, and then interpreting the randomly selected song through my own distinct spiritual perspective. This can only end well, and will not offend anybody. Isn’t this how they do it in the Herald?

Virgo: Elton John – Goodbye Yellow Brick Road

Aquarius: The Mars Volta – L’Via L’Viaquez

The appearance of this song indicates that this will be a really fucking long week for you. Probably around 12 and a half minutes. It will also have an obscure French theme, which you will not bother to translate. The presence of numerous guitar solos indicates that you will be unlucky in love, but nobody will be listening to you by the third time you strike out so it doesn’t really matter. The fact that this song was in Guitar Hero means that freaks will recognise you in the street. Tell them what soylent green is.

Pisces: Bruce Springsteen Night

At some point this week, you will experience night. My advice is to use it productively. Don’t fuck around looking at the stars, they don’t mean anything. Another potential is that you will discover an ancient suit of armour and rescue damsels. Up to you how you want to take it.

Aries: Bloc Party – Like Eating Glass

The stars are cloudy on this one, which is highly unusual. Probably something about mouth ulcers though, or if you’re a bit of a promiscuous hooker slut, herpes. Watch it, that shit is forever. Unfortunately this is past deadline so you probably already caught it. Who knew horoscopes were fallable?

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Taurus: Ray Charles – No One

The meaning of this is ambiguous; either it means you have no one and you’re going to die a horrific death, alone, to be discovered six weeks later with your face chewed off by your nine starving cats; or you have more than one and you’re going to land a threesome. Whatever happens, avoid herpes face Aries.

Gemini: Alice Cooper - Spark in the Dark

You will leave your electric blanket plugged in and die a horrific death. Either that or you’ll buy a packet of Lifesavers and chew them with the lights off. It could go either way.

Cancer: Louis Armstrong – Otchi-Tchor-Ni-Ya

You are Japanese. I think.

Leo: blink-182 – What’s My Age Again?

You will develop amnesia. You will revert to a childlike state and think you are living in the year 2002, and you will think blink-182 are still cool. People will still make fun of you for listening to them.

You will return from Oz after you were carried there by the recent tornado. You will tenderly say goodbye to the Lion and Tin Man, but it’s still a little awkward with the Scarecrow after you guys hooked up when you both dropped tabs in Munchkin Land.

Libra: Audioslave – Exploder

You will become a part time suicide bomber, however your crazy antics will go awry when you die a horrific death. Hah fucking hah. Or perhaps you will open a bag of potato chips loudly and people will be like, whoa. Hey man. Chill out. Take that loud shit outside, I’m trying to watch my stories. Thanks bro.

Scorpio: George Gershwin – They Can’t Take That Away From Me A mugger will rob you, but will be unable to take your wallet because you have had it sewn into the back of your neck. He will become enraged and bludgeon you with a frozen dairy product. You will die a horrific death. But you also might have a perfectly ordinary week.

Sagittarius: Pantera – Clash with Reality

You will have that dream where you go out in public naked. You will then wake up, and realise you have been in the Matrix. Lawrence Fishburne will say something profound in a deep voice, and then Keanu Reeves will drive a bus. Also, you are Sandra Bullock. You will then wake up, and realise you actually fell asleep on the train and it was all a dream. You are still naked though, but no one notices until a child points it out. Then all your subjects will laugh at you. Also, you are an emperor.

Capricorn: Velvet Revolver– She Builds Quick Machines

You will develop a strong desire to construct the fastest go-kart in the world. You will enlist the help of a mysterious mechanic, known only as ‘She’. Unfortunately, on the first test run someone will open a bag of potato chips loudly, causing you to lose your concentration. You will crash, dying a horrific death. ‘She’ will go on to avenge you, attaching butter knives to the chassis ensuring that all those who oppose her also die horrific deaths. It’s either that or your girlfriend will gift you a hand crafted speed toaster.

So now you know what the week has in store for you. I hope this has been something of a guide, a road map of life if you will. I like to consider myself as a spiritual guide to the little people, helping you all understand life from a deeply philosophical and profound level. Plus, if someone writes in and says they liked this article I’ll do it again next week. If not, I may well die a horrific death. The choice is yours. Don’t just write in and say it was shit because you want me to die a horrific death though. Wanker.

issue 10 2011

Could a porn film ever take the crown? by Jess Etheridge I’m all for freedom of speech. I allow people to use whatever slang they wish, even if it is considered hate speech and it majorly grinds my gears. People can have whatever opinion they like about topics they discuss with me, that genuinely doesn’t bother me. But I’m just curious about this new era of film-making that we are heading into, where a 3D porn film makes more money in it’s opening weekend, in a specific location, than Avatar did. This isn’t to say 3D porn films shouldn’t be financially successful. It’d be fantastic if a whole new hybrid of entertainment, which usually causes embarrassment, opens up dialogue a bit more and may even be able to educate many. The question is whether they should be recognised during awards season among non-porn films. This is farfetched to begin with; however, what I’m getting at is what if a porn film was recognised at an awards ceremony or competition? Can you imagine how ridiculous it would be if one such film received the Palm d’Or at the Cannes Film Festival? As I say, fairly unrealistic but what a world we would be living in if this happened. But where is the line drawn for films eligible for the Academy Awards, for example? Well, the film must be released between January 1 and December 31 of the previous calendar year. It must be a minimum of 40 minutes, plus a whole bunch of technical requirements, such as whether it exists on a certain type of film print, how many frames per second and resolution size. And then each film submitted by the deadline is voted on. Whether a film enters the awards race is determined by the Academy, otherwise the process seems quite straight-forward and not difficult to work with. So in theory, a full-length feature film based around 3D porn could be a contender for best foreign film or even best picture, if it conforms to the set Academy regulations. What clip would they should at the ceremony that represents the film as a whole but isn’t inappropriate for the international broadcast? Would they also put forward best actor and best actress contenders to go up against the greats of Kate Winslet or the mighty Meryl? They could even put forward a best original score nominee, but I wouldn’t watch the ceremony at all if I had to listen to a snippet of cheesy, 70s porn music. The other alternative and more likely truth of it all is an award ceremony for just pornographic films to enter into. I’m sure such a ceremony exists but I’m not brave enough to Google the question to find the answer. There should, however, be a differentiation between “mainstream” film and the porn-type film when it comes to award recognition. The day a porn film receives a nomination at an internationally-lauded award ceremony is the day we need to acknowledge we have lost all respect for the arts.

www.ausm.org.nz

the Pursuit of Happiness by Jason Burnett With the start of the second half of the semester, and (without trying to worry you) exams right around the corner I have noticed the wind at AUT has turned, and a lot of people are beginning to feel a little stressed, a little anxious and a little unhappy. So, this week I decided to make it easy for you and provide you with a checklist when in pursuit of happiness. At the very least your body IS a machine and machines tend not to run so well on cigarettes and caffeine alone. Therefore, to be truly happy one must EAT WELL. This doesn’t include the brand new KFC ‘double down’ (which I have tried and consider to be an evil against nature), but more about having a balanced diet. You’ve heard it all before so I won’t bore you with the details except that fruit is your friend, veges taste better than chocolate and, in the land of the obese, portion control is god. Eating well will only improve your health, improve your energy levels and increase your happiness. With your machine now fuelled its time to get the Ferrari moving! It’s well documented that exercise is not only good for you, but is ADDICTIVE and, it is definitely one vice we should all be so lucky to crave. Yes, running is hard. Yes, running is boring. But low and behold there’s actually so many different ways to get active that are fun. Some people lift weights, some people play sports, some people go swimming. There’s a whole host of things to do out in this big beautiful world of ours that even going out and exploring these options yields nothing but happiness (far more fun than parking yourself in front of the squakbox to see how the latest love triangle of TK, Roimata and Sarah is going). Speaking of TV – turn it off! Evolution has graced us with social skills so go out and use them! Liking what your friend had for dinner on Facebook is no substitute for going to see your friend and exploring this big beautiful world to find somewhere nice to eat. We are social creatures and therefore isolating yourself not only breeds loneliness, but the longer the isolation, the more you dread social situations and the unhappier you become. Which leads me onto the next point – make a change and take a risk! Change is THE only constant (death is a change and tax rates change) and change is a good thing (even though sometimes it doesn’t feel like it). It gets the heart racing, floods the body with feel good chemicals, and takes us out of the monotony of our everyday lives. FACT: risk takers have more fun. Yes, it doesn’t always work out but at least you’ll never live with “what if”? So feed yourself well and reacquaint yourself to days gone by, where we ran with friends through daisy fields and risked a bee sting by running barefoot. This is the pursuit of happiness.

25.

This Agony Aunt column is brought to you by the team at Health, Counselling and Wellbeing. If you have a question you would like answered email debate@aut.ac.nz and put Agony Aunt as the subject or drop it in to the Health, Counselling and Wellbeing office.

Dear Agony Aunt

I have had an annoying cough for the past two weeks and it dosen’t seem to be going away. Do I need to see a doctor about it? From annoying little cough.

Dear annoying little cough

It’s that time of year when everyone seems to be coughing and sneezing all over the place. It’s quite a job dodging other people’s germs. Unfortunately, we occasionally get caught and experience a variety of illnesses often caused by viruses and sometimes bacterial infections. Often colds and flu like illnesses are caused through viruses. There are a multitude of different viruses that are responsible for making us feel ill. Often symptoms start with a feeling of being generally tired and lethargic followed by a sore throat, cough, runny or blocked nose, headache and sometimes fever. The best advice if you are experiencing these symptoms is to take two paracetamol, drink plenty of fluids and rest as much as possible. You probably won’t feel like doing anything so give in and go to bed. Don’t forget to let friends know that you are not feeling good so they can check up on you later. Be mindful that meningitis often starts with cold and flu symptoms and if not treated is life threatening. If you deteriorate rapidly and develop any symptoms of neck stiffness, photophobia (fear of bright lights), develop a red/purplish

rash that does not pass the glass test (press bottom of glass to skin, if rash does not disappear then could be meningitis rash) or severe headache then medical help should be sought as a matter or urgency. If you are worried about yourself or a friend don’t be afraid to seek medical advice. Fortunately meningitis is uncommon and most cold and flu like illnesses resolve with little or no medical intervention Antibiotics have no affect on viruses and will make no difference to recovery. In fact, they will probably make things worse as you may experience side effects eg diarrhoea, rash, allergy etc. However secondary bacterial infections can occur following viral illnesses and can lead to other conditions such as strep throat or pneumonia. These conditions need to be treated with antibiotics. If you are worried that you may have developed a secondary infection contact Health Counselling and Wellbeing and make an appointment to see a doctor or drop in and see a nurse if you are unsure. You do not need to book an appointment to see a nurse. Unfortunately symptoms of viral illness can last for 2-3 weeks and some symptoms can last for even longer. If you are still bothered by a tickly cough you could try cough linctus. Take advice from your pharmacist as to what type of linctus would be best for you. You could also try raising the head of your bed slightly by placing a pillow under the mattress to help reduce coughing at night. If you are a smoker then this might be the time to think about quitting. There is lots of support and help available to you if you decide that you would like to stop smoking. Speak to a nurse or doctor at Health Counselling and Wellbeing for more information on stopping smoking. Finally, be selfish and don’t share your bugs with anyone else. Remember germs are spread in the air, on our skin and by touching other surfaces. Wash you hands regularly particularly after using the toilet. Cover your nose and mouth when coughing or sneezing and discard tissues immediately after use. To make an appointment to see a nurse or doctor phone Health Counselling and Wellbeing on (09) 921 9992 (City campus) or (09) 921 9998 (North Shore campus). Alternatively you could call Healthline on 0800 611 611 and speak to a registered nurse.

by Jess Etheridge The internet seems to be dominated by gossip and scandal websites, itching for hits thus forcing writers to make up juicy rumours which are usually false. But if you’re looking a delicious fix from reliable sources, never fear! Oh No They Didn’t is here – but it’s not for the faint of heart. Known as ONTD by faithful fans, other web bloggers have called the home of the “jackals” as the users are well-known for tearing down celebrities and slagging them off at any chance. The Village Voice even said it is “a community of pathologically obsessive celebrity gossip sadomasochists”. Charming. This doesn’t deter the thousands who visit the site every month because, unlike certain gossip bloggers who shall not be named, ONTD posts stories and info from credible sources. ONTD is known for being one of the first sites to report Michael Jackson’s death first, as well as the infamous naked photo scandal involving Pete Wentz and his... you know. It relies heavily on user contribution so there are posts about television shows, upcoming films, interviews, photo shoots and more. If you join, you could even post!

Oh No They Didn’t! http://ohnotheydidnt.livejournal.com/

26.

issue 10 2011

Now that’s what I call Volume Nine Now Wearing

Fat pants/track pants

It’s that time of the year again: the weather’s crapping out (meaning that your socks are getting wet and it takes that much longer to get home on the bus), assignment deadlines are looming and it seems like there’s no end in sight. Team this with all the comfort eating and the release of KFC’s double down and it’s clear that our wardrobe staple over the next five weeks should be these warm, gender neutral pants that are perfect for studying, sleeping and expanding waistlines. The best ones are the Red Stamp ones from the warehouse, grey in XL. Trust me.

Now Watching

Grey’s Anatomy season 7

The wait is over. The last season ended on an intense note after a grieving widower came back to the hospital where he lost his wife and went on a shooting rampage. That pretty much set the scene for a dramatic start to the next season. Will McDreamy live? Will McSteamy get the girl? Will there be any new characters with equally McRidiculous nicknames? Watch the first episode of the seventh season this Tuesday at 8.30pm on TV2 to find out. It’ll be McBrilliant.

Now Shuddering

Geordie Shore

The end is nigh. No, it’s not 2012 and no, Rebecca Black hasn’t released another dreadful song. Instead, reality television has hit an all time low: Geordie Shore. As you can guess, it’s a remake of the extremely popular Jersey Shore, a show that follows Italian-American 20-somethings who identify within the subculture of “guido”. Guidos are typically gym bunnies and tan-aholics who love to drink and party, while causing a bit of drama and mischief at the same time. Geordie Shore is a knock-off based in Britain that follows a group of chavs and meatheads who aspire to replicate the epicness of Jersey Shore. Premiering on MTV UK on May 24, these eight walking STDs talk themselves up to the max.

Now Playing

Pokémon on Game Boy

In the days of Guitar Hero and Playstation 64s, it’s nice to revisit vintage technology and enjoy games that don’t rely on crazy graphics – they just kick ass. Back in the days when Game Boys ruled the school, Pokémon was the ultimate combination of skill and competition. You battled wild Pokémon to add to your collection (which included a Bulbasaur, a Squirtle, a Charmander AND a Pikachu), fought trainers for badges and learnt cheats that made your stupid Magikarp evolve into Gyarados without having to use splash as a weapon. Dust off your Game Boy, hunt out your link cable and battle with your friends. And if you’re not as privileged to own such magical pieces of equipment, scope out TradeMe for a bargain! If you think you’re on the pulse with what’s happening in Auckland, email debate@aut.ac.nz with your own Suggestions.

www.ausm.org.nz

horoscopes ARIES (March 21-April 19)

You crave companionship this week, but no one wants to give it to you. Head down to your local park and steal a dog for an instant best friend.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20)

The stars predict some type of furry beast in your future this week. This could mean two things: a new fur coat, or a gory bear attack! Be prepared for both.

GEMINI (May 21-June 21)

Your birthday is coming up. So is Vesbar’s! It’s this Friday, so head on down for some party food. Bring cheerios, because they make a party ragin’.

CANCER (June 22-July 22)

Love yourself more this week. Take from that what you will. Pervert.

LEO (July 23-August 22)

Two sets of horoscopes this issue?! Your poor brain hasn’t been able to handle this much mind-blowing information since the finale of Lost. Best pull a sickie sometime this week to recover.

VIRGO (August 23-September 22)

Saturn sees funds dry up quicker than normal this week. It better not be because of the double down. The stars are watching.

LIBRA (September 23-October 23)

If Glee has taught you anything this year, it’s that the dumber you are, the more people like you. Change degrees to something a little less challenging. Like film studies.

SCORPIO (October 24-November 21)

Use the shuffle feature on your iPod to determine how this week’s events pan out. Perhaps delete any death metal beforehand.

SAGITTARIUS (November22-Dec21)

The internet is about being more expressive, but it doesn’t mean that you need to turn all hoochie mama when you type. Calm down gurrrrrrrl (or guy).

CAPRICORN (December 22-January 19)

Fedoras, sunglasses and ironic t-shirts are not proper winter attire. This may not be a horoscope, but it’s a valuable life lesson.

AQUARIUS (January 20-Febuary 18)

Celebrate music month by taking up an instrument and busking for cash on Queen Street. The stars award extra points for a creative (but sad) back story.

PISCES (Febuary 19-March 20)

There’s lots of superhero movies this year, which is the stars way of say you also possess a superhuman power. You might not find out what it is this week, but it’s a chance to get working on a killer costume.

27.

Fit for a Princess: A Look at Royal Fashion by Heather Rutherford

rincesses... growing up we all wanted to be one. I am sure many of you girls (and a few of you boys as well), remember dressing up as a princess when you were young. First it was Disney princesses, then Barbie princesses and then Princess Diana. As children we were bombarded by the ‘happily ever after’ images of the beautiful maidens and their magical wardrobes. You must have had to have been living in a cave recently to have escaped the royal fashion furore that has erupted as a result of the royal wedding. If that is indeed the case, or you simply want a little background information on royal fashion, here are the top royal fashion contenders and their defining moments.

Princess Aurora (Disney’s Sleeping Beauty) Princess Aurora is the ultimate Disney princess – well my favourite one from childhood at least. She was the one who pricked her finger on the spindle of a spinning wheel and fell into a deep sleep. While she does spend the majority of the film disguised in peasant wear, on her 16th birthday she receives an immaculately tailored, magical gown from her three fairy godmothers which changes from blue to pink and then back to blue again. Her character and style were based on the timeless elegance of actress and icon, Audrey Hepburn.

Kate Middleton Even though not strictly a princess, she has just married a prince. Once a commoner known to the world as Kate Middleton or ‘Waity Katie’ she is now officially Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge. Since she has been in the public spotlight, Kate has been highly praised for her fashion choices. Known for her more simplistic, classic style she has appeared on numerous best-dressed lists worldwide. Her choice of wedding dress for her marriage to Princes William was the topic of intense media hype and speculation in the months leading up to the wedding. Of course it was kept under near military secrecy. So intense was the interest in the wedding gown that rumours of ‘decoy’ dresses used to confuse the media were spread. The end result was a stunning design by new Alexander McQueen designer Sarah Burton. This middle class girl, come royal bride, is proof that style doesn’t always come with a privileged upbringing.

Well there you have it, the fashion choices of women who have the world’s best fashion designers (and magical fairies) at their beck and call and money is no limiting factor. If only we could all be so lucky!

28.

Princess Cinderella (Disney’s Cinderella) Cinderella’s tale is similar to Kate’s; she was also not born of royal blood, but married a prince in the end. She begins the story working as a house maid for her two cruel, jealous stepsisters and wicked stepmother, then ends the story married to Prince Charming. However generic this princess story sounds, her choice in fashion is everything but cliché. For one, she is probably the only princess who attempts to attend a Royal Function in a dress made by the household rodents. Yes, you heard me correctly. While Cinderella is too busy to sew a dress for herself, her only friends, the household mice and birds stay up through the night and sew it for her. After a lot of squeaky singing and mouse ingenuity, the result is a frilly pink number which then gets ripped apart by the jealous stepsisters. Never one to adhere to conventional means, Cinderella’s next ball grown is conjured up by her fairy godmother and her magic wand. The most interesting element about this outfit is her avant garde choice in footwear. As unpractical as it is, the fairy godmother sees fit to give Cinderella shoes purely made of glass, which Cinderella promptly loses.

Princess Diana Probably the most famous princess in living history, Princess Diana made a fashion statement every time she stepped out her front door. Relentlessly hounded by the media until her untimely death in 1997, she was the most famous woman in the world. Being such a prominent figure, she had every major designer in the world bending over backwards to dress her including Versace, Valentino, John Galliano, Ungaro, Lacroix, Ferraud and Moschino. She began her royal career by having the royal fashion advisors pick her clothes for her. This was quite often criticised as being too dowdy and old for the young princess. As she matured she developed her own sophisticated style that had woman all around the globe seeking to copy her.

Princess Grace Kelly of Monaco Grace Kelly was already a fashion icon before she became a princess. Before her marriage to Prince Rainier of Monaco in 1956, she was a movie actress famous for her aloof nature and ladylike style. She was the first to glamourise casual sportswear and even has the Hermes ‘Kelly Bag’ named after her, which has the longest waiting list (and is one of the most expensive) in the world. Her wedding gown is still relevant by today’s’ standards, it even served as the inspiration of Kate Middleton’s Alexander McQueen wedding gown. It consisted of an extravagant 300 yards of antique Brussels rose-point lace, 25 yards of heavy taffeta, 100 yards of silk net, 25 yards of silk taffeta, with a three-foot train and tulle veil, all studded with pearls and was designed by the Oscar-winning designer Helen Rose of MGM. During the 1960s Princess Grace Kelly fell out of favour with the fashion press, her style was deemed too prim and proper for the time, but history has proved that her classic style has had (and still has), a resounding effect.

issue 10 2011

Nadine Laburada Bachelor of Engineering (first year) Cardigan: Glassons Shoes: Internet Socks: Can’t remember Scarf: Can’t remember

Komsam Mitudom Bachelor of Fashion Design (second year) Pin cushion: Made and embroidered himself Vest: Made himself Merino jumper: Can’t remember Jeans: From Asia

Sometimes, as a student, it seems there simply isn’t enough good taste to go around. Snail backpacks, sneakers, even the odd hiker sandal seems to creep into the lecture theatre, much to grimace of the surrounding onlookers. But on the converse, we also seem quite bereft of anything nice that isn’t Karen Walker or something similarly priced. Why, oh why, do whiny English people get to have beauties like TopShop and other “High Street” brands that are fashionable, reasonably-priced and sometimes quite lovely, when our streets would appreciate just a bit of their lovin’ that much more? We’re stuck with bad-quality Lippy, every-girl-has-their-cardigan Glassons, and some plain bad disasters that have their origin in surf shops. Op-shops seemed the only salvation for some of us. However, the other day I was pleasantly surprised. Alerted to a find on Facebook (studied closely while the time for studying gently whittles away), I found a website blog that, I felt, inspired my fashion to something better. Named Four Eyes, this not-quite-so-geeky fashion statement gave me a glimpse of a future where a bit of fabulousness just didn’t seem that far away. Four Eyes is a fashion blog that has four founders: Alex, Mino, Danny and Chin. They hail from all walks of life; some are involved in fashion, some are not. What is immediately apparent is that none of them need fashion-blinkers: the photos posted are of fashionable youngsters that, to be honest, you had lost hope of seeing in our tackbitten streets. The concept: photographing people on the street with

Kate Bateman Bachelor of Fashion Design (second year) Hat: Topshop Shirt: Internet Jeans: Topshop

an impeccable sense of style. The result: the sense that, as Joan Rivers would say, we don’t have to be an impoverished fash-ho any longer: the salvation is in the imitation. The thing I love the most about this blog is the way it heralds that ‘Kiwi can-do’, innovative attitude. Yes, the pieces they photograph (and the photography skills – not too bad boys, I must say) are divine, but mostly, it is the way the underground fashionistas that they photograph style themselves. It reminds me of a rule that sometimes we forget as brand-slaves: that it is not so much what you wear, as how you wear it. The fashion critics’ eyes light up at a particular teal-green pant combo that, because New Zealand is not always that fashionable, is not brand-tailored: the owner has tailored them themselves, with a little pin on the side. Just that little bit of the inspirational in what, thinking of the usual non-eye-candy on the street, you would expect to be mundane. As a last nostalgic note, the blog reminds me of the Kiwi version of “Nylon Street”, the fashion photo album which so many carry around as a bible (although sadly, mine has carried the burden of bookshelf dust for a little too long). I’m so glad that somebody has made a local, free version of it, just like we did of America’s Next Top Model OMG, OMG (high-pitched whiny voice included). But seriously. I am. Your next inspiration lies within reach, and I don’t mean the reach of those purse strings. Enjoy.

Fast & Furious 5

Directed by Justin Lin Film Review by Danielle Whitburn

(B-)

For the more romantic viewers, there are also a few developments with almost all of the characters (aww). But the best really does have to be saved for last – and for this, you have to watch past the credits – just trust me on this one.

Water For Elephants

Directed by Francis Lawrence Film Review by Samantha McQueen There’s nothing like jacking up your sleepy holidays with a bit of muscle, turbines, and a few skanky hoes clad in lycra. Deep voices and rough-n-tumblin’ over the rooftops of Rio isn’t perhaps something you would enjoy every day, especially when it comes with the number ‘5’ on it. Yet, when the time calls on a rainy day for some Vin, I’m sure most of us large-lad-lovin’ ladies are in for a bit of what this film has to offer. So this time it’s set in – wait, not America – wait, not Tokyo – wait, not some seedy dumpster – but yes, another seedy dumpster of sorts in gangster appropriate Brazil. The location looks demographically appropriate for the majority of the muscle mob (excluding the few ethnic tokens they throw in for relatability). Brazil also seems to have a bit of South American glamour, a kind of naughty-PradaLamborghini-esque scenario, as accompanied by some Maybelline mascara models. Love it or hate it, you must admit when it comes to tackycool even number five of the series has still got it going on. So, I suppose at this point you want to know about the plot. It’s pretty much the same as the rest. They’re doing a job to raise some funds, but want this to be the last as Mia (Dom’s sister and Brian’s lover) has one in the oven. They add a few others to the mix, which is really the bit that sets it apart from the others: a couple of beautiful Mediterranean looking girls and, much to the acclaim of the female audience, Tyrese, The Rock (and, for all you old school ‘nothing but a g-thang’ gangsters, your old friend Ludacris). The addition these actors make to the film isn’t so much acting talent, but we have to remember that talent is really not the reason we watch these movies. There’s just so much fighting, couplings and fast-car-moneylaundering-gangster-roadtrips and deals that you don’t know where to look, and that’s the way we like it. Favourite moments of the film have to be Vin’s revamped Shortland Street line to a cop: “You’re a long way from home now. You’re in Rio.” On this note, watching Vin and The Rock try and kill each other is just – unexplainable. It’s somewhere between incredibly sexy and just plain ridiculous. Still undecided on that one.

30.

(B+)

Robert Pattinson may have millions of fans, but he still hasn’t convinced Hollywood that he is leading man material outside of the Twilight juggernaut. Water for Elephants won’t stop the sparkly alter ego comparisons, but thanks to a 9000 pound star and an Academy Award winner, it should make critics take more notice. The film starts off on a wet Saturday evening, where an old man (Hal Holbrook) has escaped from his nursing home and has run away to the circus. We learn that’s where his heart lies, and not five minutes into the film we’re transported to 1931, where young Jacob Jankowski (Robert Pattinson) is about to sit his final veterinary exam at Cornell university. You would never believe that he was right in the middle of the Depressionera, until the tragic death of his parents in a car crash leaves him with nothing and he finds himself a stowaway-of-sorts on the train of the Benzini Bros. circus. Jacob is threatened with being thrown off the train by the ringmaster and owner, August (Christoph Waltz), until he discovers Jacob’s Ivy League education and he’s put to work as the circus’ new vet. August and the rest of the Benzini troupes may market themselves as the most spectacular show on earth, but the reality is much more reminiscent of the era they are in. Animals are stuffed into overcrowded cages and are fed weekold meat covered in flies and maggots. They’re worked until they can’t walk, which is how Jacob meets Marlena (Reese Witherspoon), August’s “star attraction” wife. One of her dancing horses is injured and not willing to watch her suffer on stage, Jacob puts her out of her misery. This leads to the acquisition of Rosie, a 9000 pound elephant and the new star of the show. Marlena must work on her new act under Jacob’s instruction and, predictably, a love affair blooms. Witherspoon and Pattinson may hold the leading credits in this film, but the star attraction is undoubtedly Waltz’s portrayal of the wicked ringmaster. One moment August is jubilant, toasting the arrival of an Ivy League vet, the next he is murderous, wielding an axe above Jacob’s

head. He controls the strings of everyone in the circus, most notably his wife, but has no grip on his own emotions. Like he says sinisterly in the trailer, “if anyone so much as touched her, I’d hate to think of it”. He’s also cruel to the animals, which, despite all his other violent qualities, is his worst trait of the lot, making you root for the two leads, despite the lack of chemistry on screen. Director Francis Lawrence and the production team have put a lot into making the substandard circus come alive on screen like it’s the most romantic place in the world. There are sequins and feathers, majestic animals doing delicate tricks and everyone looks like they’re having the time of their lives underneath the big top. No wonder running away to the circus was the popular thing to do in those days. Water for Elephants almost has you reaching for your suitcase.

Your Highness

Directed by David Grodon Green Film Review by Samantha McQueen

(C-)

It seems the ‘high’ in Your Highness was not a clever reference to this medieval “comedy” but a warning: don’t come see this film unless you’re under the influence of something much stronger than a small popcorn. This stoner-influenced tale starts off like all brotherly stories; there is a handsome and heroic brother who is soon to be king, (Fabious, James Franco) and a disappointing slacker (Thadeous, Danny McBride) who would rather slay women than villains. The film starts with Fabious riding victoriously into the kingdom of Mourne with a Cyclops head and a new fiancée, rescued damsel Belladonna (Zooey Deschanel). Unfortunately, she is taken by the evil Lazaar on their wedding day as part of an evil virgin sacrifice which will happen when the world’s two moons collide together – an event which happens only once every 100 years – and result in some sort of unbeatable dragon. Of course, Fabious sets off to rescue her with his elite band of followers, but this time Thadeous and his weedy sidekick Courtney join in on their first quest. What follows are encounters with a pervy alien wizard, a five headed snake monster controlled by a tubby man in diapers, a unicorn sword and a Minotaur with overzealous nether regions. They also run into Isabel (Natalie Portman), a much better warrior

issue 10 2011

than either brother, who is seeking revenge for her family’s deaths. The most boggling thing about this film is not how the script – which Danny McBride (Pineapple Express, Tropic Thunder) is also responsible – got through studio heads and into production, but why acting greats signed onto it. It looks like McBride just approached the local high school, asked all the voice-cracking boys what would be funny and ended up with Your Highness. James Franco has just come off an Oscar nomination for 127 Hours, and here he is talking to a mechanical bird. Zooey Deschanel is one of Hollywood’s most intellectual actresses, but all we’re treated to from her in this film is a few doe-eyed stares and even less dialogue. She could have fallen asleep and it would have been more interesting to watch. And surely Natalie Portman, who is Harvard-educated, would have taken one look at the script, seen the words “minotaur penis necklace” and run for the hills? Her ass-kicking is impressive, mind you, but it would be better put to use in a movie of actual credibility, not this childish garbage. If this review hasn’t put you off seeing Your Highness or even had you laughing at its premise, then chances are this film is right up your alley. But don’t be fooled by the stellar casting; it really is just a 13-year-old’s Dungeons and Dragons inspired wet dream.

Love and Other Impossible Pursuits Directed by Don Roos

DVD Review by Samantha McQueen (C+)

but gone with the characters; we know Emilia doesn’t consider herself a home wrecker, but still dresses in inappropriately sexy clothing to the office Christmas party and is shunned by the parents at William’s school. She also has an aversion to William, feeding him dairy because she doesn’t believe he’s lactose intolerant and telling him to shut up when he suggests that they sell the baby’s stuff on eBay. To be fair, Williams has to be one of the most unlikeable kids to grace the screen in a long time, especially since he starts every argument with the phrase “but my mother says” and stares down at change like the upperclass New Yorker he is. Portman is the only pulling power behind this film, but even she falls flat in the onedimensional script director and writer Don Roos has created. Her supposed developments in growth look more like someone who takes pleasure at ratting out their friends in public, and then throwing a tantrum if anyone is offended. Her supporting cast isn’t much better. Cohen brings zero charisma to Jack, and his emotions don’t reflect someone that’s lost a child and a marriage all in one year. It’s hard to think why anyone, especially Portman, would fall for someone like Jack in the first place. But the worst performance unfortunately goes to Kudrow, whose interpretation of a verbally vicious ex-wife involves various stages of shrillness. Stick to comedy, Lisa, please. This film tries so hard to tug at the heartstrings of audiences by putting as many emotionally stunted characters on screen at once, tied up with a heartbreaking plot. Unfortunately, the only pity you feel is for yourself, for having wasted your precious dollars in the first place.

Rise Against Endgame

Album Review by Ashleigh Thomas Love and Other Impossible Pursuits tries to stand on the coat tails of Natalie Portman’s success in this straight-to-DVD movie about the death of a child (among other things). Unfortunately for Ms Portman, this slow plodding drama fails miserably. Portman plays Emilia, a Harvard law graduate who falls for her married boss, Jack (Scott Cohen). After months of yearning from afar, they embark on an affair which leads to Emilia becoming pregnant, Jack leaving his dragon OBGYN wife Carolyn (Lisa Kudrow) and playing house with William, Jack’s rule-abiding, lactose intolerant eight-year-old. We don’t learn this background information until the middle of the film, but we know from the opening five minutes that baby Isobel died at three days old. This non-linear storyline is just one of the many faults of this film. The element of surprise is all

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(A+)

While reading the last issue of debate, I realised that despite its March 15 release, Rise Against’s newest album, Endgame, has not yet been given a review. So, figuring it’s better late than never, I thought I’d have a crack writing a review to try and do this amazing album justice. When I first listened to Endgame, I had to physically stop myself from playing each song over and over on repeat, because otherwise I would have never got through the whole album. The standard is just that high that you can’t get enough of the songs. They all follow the classic Rise Against structure, complete with a sweet

breakdown/bridge, and yet do not come across as repetitive or unoriginal. All elements of the band work together to make interesting and incredibly catchy songs, with the exception of the sub-standard bass solo at the beginning of the song Endgame, which does the song, and indeed bass solos in general, no justice. Extra kudos must be given for the literary genius of the lyrics of the songs. Rise Against’s punk roots are very apparent in the protest nature of the lyrics. Make it Stop (September’s Children) is a direct reference to the “September Gay Suicides” in 2010. In general, the article deals with the discrimination homosexuals face on a day to day basis. Survivor Guilt protests against war and political regimes which treat people as mere statistics. All of the songs’ lyrics have deep meanings, which is a nice change when so often we are subjected to hearing clichéd love songs or songs dealing with important topics such as 50 Cent’s “lollypop”. All in all, Endgame is a brilliant album which I highly recommend. It does not disappoint, and easily reaches the standards set by Rise Against’s previous work.

Katy Perry

Carlifornia Dreams Tour Live at Vector Arena, Sunday, May 8 Concert Review by Jess Estheridge

(A)

There is a certain expectation for pop artists to add extreme theatricality to their concerts these days. If you’re going to charge over $100, the audience expects a lot more bang for their buck than just the hit songs they hear on the radio. Katy Perry went that little bit further by not only entertaining her audience for almost two hours straight but scenting the steamy Vector Arena air with a sugary candy floss smell. Concerts now come with scents, not just music. Opening act Zowie tainted the air however with her lacklustre performance. Her songs may be catchy but the only way she energised the audience was by mentioning Katy Perry every 30 seconds. Unfortunately this was not enough to captivate the large crowd and the mosh pit soon fell into a chatty gaggle. DJ Skeet Skeet who Ms Perry brought from the States showed off his large collection of top 40 hits mashed up with each other and displayed more on-stage charisma than his predecessor. The Queen of Candy opened the show with crowd favourite Teenage Dream while the audience was dazzled by the fairytale narrative that drove the concert through. A girl stuck working in a meat shop discovers a land of dreams full of sweet desserts and delicious pop songs. Perry hit note after note while revisiting songs from her latest album, as well as her

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previous record, One of the Boys. Highlight of the show was Circle The Drain, supposedly written about rapper ex-boyfriend Travis McCoy, which was accompanied by a stunningly colourful laser show which covered the entire audience. She followed up with her latest single E.T., which she collaborated on with Kanye West, which is about exploring foreign love. Behind Perry, the big screens played an all out word-filled music video which has become somewhat of a Kanye West trademark. After partying hard for over 40 minutes, Katy Perry broke it down with ballad Not Like The Movies, where she sat on a flower petalembellished swing high above the stage. The curtain then went down and Perry did an acoustic set of songs by other chart-toppers, including Rebecca Black’s infamous Friday and Jay-Z’s Big Pimpin. Perry decided it was party time again and invited a crowd of overwhelmed fans onto the stage to dance with her while she performed Whitney Houston’s I Wanna Dance With Somebody. TGI Friday had the crowd chanting before she began the penultimate song, Firework. The stage was ablaze with pyrotechnics and flamethrowers while all in attendance were on their feet, jumping up in the air with their hands raised towards Katy. She disappeared but the crowd soon got her back onto the stage to round out the show’s encore with California Girls. An extravagant and self-indulgent concert that was worth every cent, Katy Perry puts on a show to rival those who tout themselves as the ultimate must-see bands.

Jamie Bowen

Munfred Bernstein’s Cabinet of Wonder Live at The Basement, May 10

Comedy Review by Samantha McQueen (B-) Being a comedian, I imagine, is a difficult job. It’s not just about standing on stage telling joke after joke; you have to engage with the audience, have stage presence and all that jazz. Creating a comedic character within a comedy show is even more difficult and while Jamie Bowen’s latest show, Munfred Bernstein’s Cabinet of Wonder, has a few chuckling moments, you’re left underwhelmed at the end by what you’ve just witnessed. Munfred Bernstein is a man with no address and feminine ankles, living out of his cabinet (which some may refer to as a cupboard of shit) that is filled with crap he’s gathered from his various travels. There are photos of his family and his inventions (he invented the caravan, didn’t you know?), a legless doll named George and other bits and bobs that are pulled out at

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various stages of the evening. His “play” of sorts is unlike most; the audience interaction is a crucial part of the show (a point made by Munfred when no one pipes up to his many questions). There’s the usual introductions, a list of his achievements and skills and then we’re launched into the premise of the show, “why are we here”? By the end of the hour, you’re wondering “was this funny?”. His story telling goes off in tangents, and it’s hard to tell if the 20 minute spiel in between the beginning and end of one tale is planned, or just a case of opening night nerves. Whatever the reason, it’s distracting and when the end of the show rolls around it’s abrupt and unexpected. Props must be given to the stellar use of unusual instruments that we’re treated to within the hour. We’re first introduced to Munfred through the soothing strumming of his ukulele, but the real talent comes from a tiny piano that we’re told came from the Royal Albert Hall itself, until an unfortunate incident with a washing machine. There’s a clever song about the extinction of the sweet banana and a love song serenaded to a woman in the audience. It’s an exciting venture that Bowen has moved into, and with fine tuning – and a few more jokes – it could be one of the better alternative comic acts New Zealand has to offer. Right now though, it’s just so so, and when you’re competing against comedians from all around the world, you really need something stellar.

Simon McKinney

People Live at the Herald Theatre, Wednesday, May 11 Comedy Review by Selena La Fleur

(B)

I heard Simon McKinney on National Radio last week being interviewed. From what I heard on the radio, this impressionist with the gift of various accents and tones of voice, struck me as a comedian that I would be interested in seeing live. McKinney has the gift of making “everyday folk” into superstars, changing his voice from a high pitched Elmo, a stereotypical “Hauraki” radio voice to Columbian drug lord. He started off with a bang, warming the audience up with his John Campbell ad lib, Nelson Mandela inspirations and a hilarious re-enactment of a typical drunk girl in town. There was a lull half way through McKinney’s skit where he told a particular story but without any accents or voices. He needed to do less storytelling and more re-enactments in his hilarious voices. McKinney is the new voice for channel FOUR and gave us a sample of how he changes his

voice to read the content warnings before a programme and the end credits. I’ve also wondered what these ‘TV voices’ look like, and now I know. I preferred McKinney on the radio where his voice really painted an image of another person speaking and was used a lot more than in his comedy show. Highly entertaining and would definitely see again.

Double Down burger

Available from KFCs nationwide Food Review by Rebecca Lee

(B+)

The KFC double down is the most hyped up food since sliced bread. The “burger” has been a trending topic on Twitter and has filled my Facebook news feed for weeks. 10am, May 10, 2011, it finally arrived. This “first-ever bun-less burger” smashed sale records when it debuted in the USA and Canada and according to KFC, sold more than 16,000 here within the first three hours. The man that served me at the Kfry the first evening it was out said they’d been flat out all day and the line at lunchtime was all the way out to McDonalds (about 100 metres away). The first image above this review is what the double down is advertised as. Crispy, tasty, messy free. The second image is what I was eating. If your idea of appetising food coincides with mine then this grease ball is right up your alley. I took my first bite and surprisingly, it was flippin’ DELICIOUS! The chicken was so fresh, the cheese was creamy and who knows what the sauce was but it was all so amazing. Probably the best thing I have tried from Kfry. The second half was where it all started to go downhill. Bite after bite I began to feel sicker and sicker. It still tasted good but it was harder to swallow. As soon as the walk home commenced I regretted my greediness and determination to finish it. The half hour walk was a mixture of dry reaching and discussing good slogans for the burger. The best I came up with was, “double down… hits you harder than cocaine.” I felt like a junkie crashing from an intense hit. The burger tasted amazing and I recommend everyone to try it at least once. It’s history, a burger with no buns! But in saying that, the walk home was equivalent to the worst hangover in my life.

issue 10 2011

Spot the Difference

Correctly identify the five differences in the two photos then and drop your entry circle them into your nearest Au SM office, or the bo of the red debate sta x on the side nds, or post to deba te PO Box 6116 We before 12pm Thurs llesley St day. What’s up fo r grabs? Two “squawk vouchers for Velve burgers” t Burger on Fort St, Auckland CBD. Congratulations to our issue 9 winner, Chris Pond from Cit y campus!

Name Phone # Email Campus

WORDFIND

airports travel tennis scrabble playstation

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sudoku(hard)

chickflick coachella horoscope disney katyperry 33.

Gerald Tulud

Bachelor of Engineering

Which Friends character do you associate with most and why? Joey ‘cause he’s crack-up Do you think Americans should be so happy that Osama bin Laden is dead? Yes and no. You shouldn’t celebrate death but then again he was a criminal What do you find most annoying about airport security? The line What are your thoughts on the film The Notebook? Isn’t that like a chick flick? Um, it’s very good Which worldwide music festival would you most like to go to? Up and Smoke. In America

Aliana Tahaafe

Diploma in Travel and Tourism

Which Friends character do you associate with most and why? Phoebe because she’s funny and gumby Do you think Americans should be so happy that Osama bin Laden is dead? Nah. I don’t believe he’s dead What do you find most annoying about airport security? The lines What are your thoughts on the film The Notebook? Gay. I don’t like it Which worldwide music festival would you most like to go to? Superfest – in Australia

Vanessa Gray

Bachelor of Arts

Which Friends character do you associate with most and why? Monica, ‘cause she’s crazy obsessive at times Do you think Americans should be so happy that Osama bin Laden is dead? No I don’t think so. I think that’s celebrating killing people and celebrating terrorism What do you find most annoying about airport security? The fact that my jewellery always beeps when I go through the metal detector What are your thoughts on the film The Notebook? I used to like it but I think I’ve over-watched it Which worldwide music festival would you most like to go to? Woodstock – if it was ever repeated

Alana Gray

Bachelor of Arts

Which Friends character do you associate with most and why? Phoebe, ‘cause I’m a bit ditzy at times Do you think Americans should be so happy that Osama bin Laden is dead? Yeah, because he was a bad person. I don’t think I’d want him around What do you find most annoying about airport security? When jewellery beeps and also having to put your makeup in those little plastic bags What are your thoughts on the film The Notebook? I love it, it’s like the best thing ever. It always makes you happy Which worldwide music festival would you most like to go to? Woodstock. The whole hippy era was very cool

Watchout for debate around campus - you could be the next micro-celeb!

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Emma McMahon

Bachelor of Arts

Which Friends character do you associate with most and why? Joey – because he’s just awesome Do you think Americans should be so happy that Osama bin Laden is dead? Yes. I don’t like that man – he should have never been born. I bet his mother’s sorry What do you find most annoying about airport security? They took my rowing spanners off me once and I never got them back. There were like 10 of them What are your thoughts on the film The Notebook? Yeah, it’s a pretty good movie, but the book’s better Which worldwide music festival would you most like to go to? Glastonbury

Yashna Sharma

Bachelor of Business

Which Friends character do you associate with most and why? I don’t watch television. I’m anti-television Do you think Americans should be so happy that Osama bin Laden is dead? Yeah definitely What do you find most annoying about airport security? Nothing. I like it What are your thoughts on the film The Notebook? Haven’t seen it Which worldwide music festival would you most like to go to? I don’t listen to music, so none issue 10 2011

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