My HOA Ate My Homework

PRESIDENT'S COLUMN

Tales From the World’s Worst Procrastinator

BY DAVID COURREGES, UNIVERSITY FEDERAL CREDIT UNION

This is my eighth President’s Column, which means that it is the eighth time that I have promised our fantastic communications director, Sonta Henderson, that I will without a doubt turn my article in “on time.” I meant it. I really did! Now six ten days after the deadline, well…yeah. I do have a very good reason though—almost as good as “my dog ate my homework” (which really did happen on multiple occasions, by the way. Of course Mrs. Britt didn’t believe me, but that’s on her!). So here’s what happened:

I was good. I budgeted an entire Sunday afternoon to write this article. It was on the family calendar and everything! I even asked my wife and daughter to remind me that I made a solemn promise. Both dutifully obliged. I, of course, thanked them for the reminders each and every time. Then the adult equivalent of “my dog ate my homework” happened: I received a certified letter from my HOA.

I’m paraphrasing, but this is what the letter said: “Trash cans are ugly, especially yours. They make us very sad. We don’t want to see your trash cans anymore! The failure to remove these abominations from our sight shall result in your eternal damnation, and a fine of $50. Oh, and this is your final warning, slacker!”

Of all the things I am afraid of: snakes, heights, boy bands… eternal damnation is very high on that list! What is one to do!? Of course, I spent an hour or so trying to find my copy of the HOA rules, then another hour trying to find exactly where said rules state that trash cans are the devil, and yet another hour stewing that I was spending my time researching HOA rules, regulations, and guidelines. Guess what? It ain’t there! (Yes mom, I know “ain’t ain’t a word,” but it is today!) Nonetheless, the threat was certified and in writing. If there’s one thing I’ve learned in my time as a lawyer, you absolutely do not ignore a strongly worded certified letter. I was compelled to take action, forced to betray my oath to Sonta; it was imperative that I became a handyman for the weekend. A mere three trips to Lowe’s later, because no home project can be complete with just one trip to the hardware store, I am now presumably back in the good graces of my HOA overlords—at least for now. The trash repositories are now secure, safe from the impressionable eyes of the neighborhood children.

When I was planning my articles for this year, not only did I not intend to be perpetually late, I also did not intend on discussing the aesthetics of high-density polyethylene refuge receptacles. In reality, I intended to discuss my decision to transition from private practice to in-house counsel, but that will have to wait for another day.

Now here’s the thing about magazines: They don’t just magically put themselves together. To publish a successful monthly periodical requires a team of magicians. For instance, I have had some amazing English teachers and professors over the years, but none of them had the ability to fully eradicate my highly liberal and often incoherent use of punctuation, nor my insistence that ain’t is indeed a word. For the record, Merriam–Webster agrees with me.

Who are these heroes that can undo the heinousness I continue to inflict upon the English language? That honor goes to our co-editors: Jennifer Hopgood and Rachael Jones. Jennifer and Rachael, thank you so much for your continued dedication not only to make me appear to have a basic understanding of writing, but also for consistently ensuring we have quality content to share with our members each and every month.

Then, there are the wonderful professionals at Monarch Media & Consulting, who have been our publishing partners for more than a decade. Andrea Exter and Chellie Thompson have teamed together to create a wholly female-owned publishing company dedicated to supporting the distinctive needs of association communications in the unique not-for-profit market that is Austin, Texas. They are not only instrumental in putting physical copies of our favorite official publication of the Austin Bar Association in our hands, but also working with our wonderful advertisers to ensure their products and services are appropriately conveyed in the best and most authentic light to our membership. The folks at Monarch also led the way to help us enter the twenty-first century by making Austin Lawyer digital before digital was cool. Yes, there was such a time. Can you believe it?

Austin Lawyer is also a success because of regular contributions from folks like Laurie Ratliff, Zak Hall, David Shank, and Dan Dworin. Month in and month out, these experts in their respective fields provide us with valuable insight in the affairs of the Third Court of Appeals, the federal courts, and criminal courts. And our writing and ethics-comedy contributors Wayne Schiess and Claude Ducloux round out the excellent authorship. There’s also our executive director, DeLaine Ward; associate executive director, Debbie Kelly; as well as our entire staff who ensure we have the most up-to-date information to provide to you, our members.

Finally, and never ever least, Sonta Henderson. Sonta Henderson is the true and literal definition of amazing in an era where the word amazing is awesomely overused. She has not yet been with us for a year, but has taken to her role as the Austin Bar’s communications director as though she has been working with us for decades. Not only has Sonta continued to encourage me, despite me repeatedly and blatantly turning all of my columns in ridiculously late with equally ridiculous excuses such as “my HOA ate my homework,” she brings a passion and professionalism to her role that is truly remarkable. If you haven’t yet had a chance to meet Sonta, prepare yourself. Your world is about to change for the better!

To Sonta, Andrea, Chellie, Rachael and Jennifer, thank you for all that you do to make Austin Lawyer a success and for bringing timely and informative news to the members of the Austin Bar Association. Your time and contributions are truly appreciated and do not go unnoticed. You make a difference.

To my HOA, thank you for dutifully doing whatever it is you do. I look forward to many more certified letters in the future; they let me know you care. AL

CALLING ALL EDITORS!

Austin Lawyer Seeks a Co-Editor

Austin Lawyer is seeking applications for a co-editor. The editors of the Austin Lawyer solicit articles, edit copy, and contribute their own articles as space allows. The position of editor is a great opportunity to amplify diverse voices in the Austin Bar community and to encourage a wide variety of content for the 4,000+ readers of the monthly publication.

Interested applicants, please send a statement of interest and a résumé to managing editor Sonta Henderson at sonta@ austinbar.org by Friday, May 27, 2022. The time commitment is approximately ten hours a month, editing copy for the following month’s issue and working with Sonta to solicit articles for upcoming issues.

The ideal candidate will have a love of writing and editing, as well as keen attention to detail. The new co-editor will work closely with Sonta and returning co-editor Rachael Jones. After serving three years as co-editor, Jennifer Hopgood is rolling off to focus on her own writing.

Please apply to be a part of a wonderful team serving our legal community!

— Austin Lawyer Managing Editor and Co-Editors

David Courreges is general counsel at University Federal Credit Union.