PRESIDENT'S COLUMN DAVID COURREGES, UNIVERSITY FEDERAL CREDIT UNION
My HOA Ate My Homework Tales From the World’s Worst Procrastinator
T
his is my eighth President’s Column, which means that it is the eighth time that I have promised our fantastic communications director, Sonta Henderson, that I will without a doubt turn my article in “on time.” I meant it. I really did! Now six ten days after the deadline, well…yeah. I do have a very good reason though—almost as good as “my dog ate my homework” (which really did happen on multiple occasions, by the way. Of course Mrs. Britt didn’t believe me, but that’s on her!). So here’s what happened: I was good. I budgeted an entire Sunday afternoon to write this article. It was on the family calendar and everything! I even asked my wife and daughter to remind me that I made a solemn
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AUSTINLAWYER | MAY 2022
promise. Both dutifully obliged. I, of course, thanked them for the reminders each and every time. Then the adult equivalent of “my dog ate my homework” happened: I received a certified letter from my HOA. I’m paraphrasing, but this is what the letter said: “Trash cans are ugly, especially yours. They make us very sad. We don’t want to see your trash cans anymore! The failure to remove these abominations from our sight shall result in your eternal damnation, and a fine of $50. Oh, and this is your final warning, slacker!” Of all the things I am afraid of: snakes, heights, boy bands… eternal damnation is very high on that list! What is one to do!? Of course, I spent an hour or so trying to find my copy of the HOA rules, then another hour trying to find exactly where said rules state that trash cans are the devil, and yet another hour stewing that I was spending my time researching HOA rules, regulations, and guidelines. Guess what? It ain’t there! (Yes mom, I know “ain’t ain’t a word,” but it is today!) Nonetheless, the threat was
certified and in writing. If there’s one thing I’ve learned in my time as a lawyer, you absolutely do not ignore a strongly worded certified letter. I was compelled to take action, forced to betray my oath to Sonta; it was imperative that I became a handyman for the weekend. A mere three trips to Lowe’s later, because no home project can be complete with just one trip to the hardware store, I am now presumably back in the good graces of my HOA overlords—at least for now. The trash repositories are now secure, safe from the impressionable eyes of the neighborhood children. When I was planning my articles for this year, not only did I not intend to be perpetually late, I also did not intend on discussing the aesthetics of high-density polyethylene refuge receptacles. In reality, I intended to discuss my decision to transition from private practice to in-house counsel, but that will have to wait for another day. Now here’s the thing about magazines: They don’t just magically put themselves together. To publish a successful monthly
periodical requires a team of magicians. For instance, I have had some amazing English teachers and professors over the years, but none of them had the ability to fully eradicate my highly liberal and often incoherent use of punctuation, nor my insistence that ain’t is indeed a word. For the record, Merriam–Webster agrees with me. Who are these heroes that can undo the heinousness I continue to inflict upon the English language? That honor goes to our co-editors: Jennifer Hopgood and Rachael Jones. Jennifer and Rachael, thank you so much for your continued dedication not only to make me appear to have a basic understanding of writing, but also for consistently ensuring we have quality content to share with our members each and every month. Then, there are the wonderful professionals at Monarch Media & Consulting, who have been our publishing partners for more than a decade. Andrea Exter and Chellie Thompson have teamed together to create a wholly female-owned publishing company dedicated to support-
