LET YOUR WISHES BE KNOWN

Don’t let your discomfort in talking about death becomes another person’s burden. Tell the important people in your life what you want – and don’t want. One of the challenges our families or our decision-makers have to bear when we can no longer communicate our end-of-life wishes or when we’ve died, is the absence of these conversations.

So, share what you have done to prepare. Show your loved ones where all your documents are stored and how to access them (passwords, filing cabinet keys etc). Otherwise, all the good work you’ve done in preparing for your end-of-life will have gone to waste.

Tell your family why some life-limiting treatments are acceptable or not acceptable. Talk about what you want your funeral to look like. Are there any rituals or ceremonies that you would like to experience before you die, like a living wake (you can learn more about what these are here: https://www.willed.com. au/guides/living-wake/), or your favourite songs being played while you’re dying.

Talk about what you want to happen after you die – do you want a flame or water cremation (also known as alkaline hydrolysis), a traditional burial or a natural burial (https:// ndan.com.au/resources/natural-burial)?

What music do you want played at your funeral? Or would you prefer silence? I have created a list of my favourite songs on Spotify which I’ve called “Living Wake”. My partner knows these songs are important to me and that they can be played softly and intermittently as I am dying, or at an informal gathering of family and friends after I die.

Create The Right Setting To Talk

One of the best ways to make talking about death and dying more open and relaxed is over drink and food, which will help the conversation to flow.

This is the concept that the late Jon Underwood created in 2011 when he set up what has become the international social franchise called Death Cafe (deathcafe.com) – described as a place where “people, often strangers, gather to eat cake, drink tea and discuss death”.

Having run many of these discussions – both in person and virtually – I have found that strangers become uniquely “connected” when they are provided with the opportunity to talk about their experiences, to ask their questions, or to just listen and learn from others. These gatherings are free and have no agenda (the topic is always around death, dying, grief and loss) and they promote a more comfortable, death-literate society.

You can use the same concept to talk about these issues with the important people in your life in the comfort of your own home. So have the conversations and take control of your life – and death – and all things in between. It’s a gift to yourself. And to those you love. ACG

Jacqui Williams is the founder of End of Life Transitions, endoflifetransitions.com.au. She is an End of Life Doula, funeral celebrant and Death Cafe facilitator. Contact her at jacqui@endoflifetransitions.com.au or on 0402 496 360.