11 minute read
QUESTIONS OF THE MONTH
from AVENues Winter 2021
by AVENues
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TELL US HOW AVEN (OR ASEXUAL AWARENESS IN GENERAL) HAS IMPACTED YOU.
AVEN has helped me realise that I wasn’t alone. - Anonymous
It’s given me a place to find others similar to myself. There’s a certain comfort in finding people who share traits and perspectives. Even if you aren’t active within a community, knowing that it exists is powerful. - Robert
AVEN has made me realize how normal I am. I’ve always felt like a fish out of water when it comes to this subject, as I’ve never met any other asexual people. Now I have a community, now I have answers I had long sought concerning my romantic orientation, and now I can share this information with my family and friends. - Emily Workman
For me, AVEN has helped me come to terms with not only my asexuality, but also my aromanticism and gender. AVEN has provided me with invaluable resources that have helped me an incredible amount, as well as given me the ability to connect with others like me. For this, I am forever grateful. - Anonymous
Discovering I am asexual, especially as someone in already in their early-mid thirties, was probably the most significant personal discovery of my life. It hasn’t impacted me so much in terms of my day-to-day, but it has given me an encouraging sense of clarity. I can now live on my own terms, regardless of how the world would expect me to otherwise. - Osiyo Waya
My sister and I are both part of the asexual community (I’m Demi and she’s Ace). We both felt a little different growing up and AVEN has been so helpful in both of us finding ourselves. - Priscilla
Asexual awareness has enabled me to put into place all the conversations that I could not quite understand and had to be careful how I took part in them. It has enabled me to
understand that there are other people who completely relate to my view of relationships. - Alison
Asexual awareness has impacted my life a lot, from finding out about asexuality to being a part of my life and something I’m working on. If it wasn’t for sites like AVEN, I would never have found out that asexuality existed and probably would not have realized that I am, in fact, asexual. Since discovering this about myself, I’ve tried to make this process easier for others by contributing to awareness and educating those around me about asexuality. - Christa
When I first realized I was ace, I read through the welcome lounge posts and cried my heart out. I was frustrated and sad as a kid for being constantly misunderstood - that I don’t like physical interaction meant I was cold and antisocial. Even though I grew up in a different country and have very different cultural background than most American users, somehow I found those stories relatable and the fact that we found each other and are carrying on with our lives was very reassuring. - jiseon_arthur
The increasing visibility of asexuality has made me feel more comfortable with my own asexuality. I know that regardless of what others think, my identity is valid. But it helps when I hear or see asexuality casually mentioned online, by coworkers(!), or in the same spaces where other LGBT+ labels are used. When I first found out I was asexual, I had no one to talk to about it, and didn’t really see it mentioned anywhere outside of AVEN. Since then, it’s become more mainstream. We have more ace characters, more ace merchandise being sold by companies, and more recognition of asexuality in general. It’s uplifting. - Anonymous
When my friends mentioned I might be asexual and should look into it more, I didn’t realize I would hit the jackpot with AVEN. Happy to say that things are looking much brighter now that I discovered a piece of myself. - Megan
Asexual awareness has helped me realize who I am. For a few years now I had always known there was something different about me. That was until I discovered the asexual community and put two and two together, realizing that part of me. It’s like how GLaDOS discovered she’s Caroline except I won’t delete my asexuality. I’m happy to finally discover that part of me and I hope to be a good influence to other aces. - Kiki Freeman
In general, asexual awareness has been lifechanging. I used to think I was defective and feel alienated from people because I could not understand the motivations and feelings of the people around me. Realizing that asexuality is a real orientation allowed me to make sense of my struggles and feel better about myself. AVEN is just a nice reminder that I am not alone in my experiences and that it is okay to not want the same things as the majority of the population. - Anonymous
AVEN has helped me lead my life down the path that it was always meant to go down. If I had not discovered AVEN, then I’m almost sure that I would have taken the wrong path in life. Being part of the asexual community has made me so much happier than I could have ever imagined. - Emiliano J. Segovia
WHY DO YOU THINK ASEXUAL AWARENESS AND VISIBILITY IS IMPORTANT?
I think asexual awareness is important because ace people need to know they aren’t alone and that there are others out there like them. I think asexual awareness is also important because it can shine a light on issues concerning the asexual community. - Anonymous
Clarity of validation. Plain and simple. People want to be acknowledged, or at the least not be dismissed. - Robert
Exposure to something in a positive light helps us learn to understand it without automatically judging it. A lot of people don’t know what asexuality is, so spreading positive awareness is essential for our community to be able to grow without being ostracized by everyone else. - Emily Workman
Asexual awareness and visibility is so important, as it has helped me be able to learn more about myself and the wonderful, diverse world around me. - Anonymous
Aces have so little representation in the media that there are so many misconceptions about us. My sister and I have gotten so many ignorant comments throughout our lives. That’s why we 6 working hard to add more representation in our art. - Priscilla
I read the book “Loveless” by Alice Oseman and so much of the main characters confusion resonated with me from how I felt at that time, but in the 1980’s those type of conversations were not ones that were available for me to take part in. To have that recognition of experience that is relevant to you makes a difference. Visibility is important because otherwise people can feel very isolated with feelings they cannot share because they do not really know a way to explain them. - Alison
So many reasons, primarily that asexual visibility allows people to know and accept themselves. It’s easy to feel as though there’s something wrong with you when you grow up in a society saturated with amatonormativity. Amplifying voices that challenge these assumptions makes anyone who doesn’t fit into this model feel more comfortable with themselves and their identity. Also, this journey never really ends, I know that I personally am constantly working on accepting and loving myself. I’m constantly in need of asexual voices and opinions in my life as I grow and change. This is why we need asexual awareness. - Christa
In allonormative world, people tend to make assumptions about what other people want in their relationships and don’t have honest conversation (even with themselves). As an ace in a longterm romantic relationship, learning about asexuality and trying to unlearn aphobia with my partner, made our relationship even stronger. It was definitely scary to ask questions about what we are expecting out of our relationship and what that means to each other but knowing that asexuality is an orientation not a choice gave me a courage to initiate the conversation. (If my partner did not accept my aceness, that is their problem, so I had nothing to lose.) - jiseon_arthur
I think it is important to recognize that not everyone fits the norm, and that it is okay. I think that some people live their entire lives feeling broken or confused when there isn’t really anything wrong with them, so visibility of the asexual community is really important. - Anonymous
Asexuality awareness and visibility is important because people need to know who this ‘invisible’ orientation is so they can help any friends or family who might be ace. I mostly hear about gay activism but asexuals are also discriminated against unfortunately. Everyone is valid no matter what! - Kiki Freeman
Not many in the LGBTQ community bring light on this. I only saw it when I did research, but other than that, no one really speaks about it - Maria
I think there are a lot of lonely and unhappy people out there who do not realize that they are asexual because it has never been presented to them as a potential option. If people do not know that asexuality is real, asexual people will live their lives feeling they are broken or “wrong” and sexual people will continue to perceive asexuals as immature, cold, mentally ill, etc. Parents need to know that it is possible that their children will not want to have a traditional relationship and know that it is okay and normal. People need to be told as they grow up that it is okay for them to not want sex and being obsessed with sex does not make someone any more mature or normal. Because few people know of asexuality, asexuals will continue
to be treated with contempt and confusion until there is more visibility. - Anonymous
The existence of the ace community might be uncommon, but because of that it leads to people to want to spread their existence and possibly help other people realize their real identity might be something they completely ignored because of our society. Being visible in society when it comes to our orientation is so much more important than people realize. - Emiliano J. Segovia
WHAT DO YOU WISH PEOPLE KNEW ABOUT ASEXUALITY?
That asexuality isn’t a choice. - Anonymous
I wish people would realize that asexuality is not as big of a deal as they think it is. That is, it’s not a threat to their very existence as an allosexual person. I’ve read some pretty terrible stories on AVEN about friends and family who refused to accept that someone they knew could ever NOT experience sexual or romantic attraction. Just let us live our lives in peace, please? - Emily Workman
I wish people knew that asexuality is not weird, it’s not a “malfunction” or “disease,” it’s a sexual orientation and should be treated as such. It does not make someone immature or a special snowflake. It’s just an orientation. - Anonymous
That we exist. That there is nothing wrong with us. That we have the capacity to feel love and emotion just as strongly, albeit with less strings attached. - Osiyo Waya
Asexuality is about not having that sexual attraction that seems to initiate so many relationships. It does not mean asexuals are incapable of loving relationships. - Alison
Asexuality is a spectrum. Just like any other identities, there is no harm learning more about asexuality even if you are not in the spectrum. In fact, everyone should know more about asexuality regardless of their sexual orientation. - jiseon_arthur
Asexuality is just the tip of the iceberg; it has so much more going on underneath the water. - Megan
I wish people would take the time to understand asexuality, because some people are acephobic and say that we’re just child molesters which is certainly not true. Some people say we need to go get ourselves checked at the doctor and I’m sick of hearing CRAZY lies like this. We may be asexual, but we are one of you. We’re human too. - Kiki Freeman
There is a misconception that asexual people are lonely and prudish people. Realizing that I was asexual made me far less lonely; I realized I felt isolated simply because society had shamed me and pressured me for not dating and feeling the same way as everyone else. So I guess that I want people to know that asexual people are normal individuals who are just as capable of leading fulfilling, happy lives as anyone else. We are not all lonely; some of us find love and form life-long relationships. Asexual people are just people. We just want acceptance and respect like everyone else. - Anonymous
Despite all the discrimination and rumors against the ace community, I can full-heartedly say that every ace person I’ve met so far have been nothing but kind and amazing people. Not only that but meeting these type of people make you realize that sex is not the only way people can express love. - Emiliano J. Segovia