AVENues Newsletter: Holiday 2019

AVENUES

SPLIT ATTRACTION MODEL OCTOBER - DECEMBER

HOLIDAY

2019

LETTER FROM THE EDITOR

Hi all! 2019 is almost done! Personally, I can’t wait to enter the “roaring 20’sâ€? again. đ&#x;˜Š Our theme this time is “split orientationsâ€?, and we got a lot of responses about this model. We have an article supporting split orientations and an article disagreeing with it, as well as an article to explain the different kinds of attraction.

As always, we have lots of art and creative writing. We also have an article about the international AVEN meetup that happened in Utrecht. Enjoy the rest of your year! ~ scarletlatitude, Editor in Chief

AVENUES IS HIRING! (WELL, IT’S A VOLUNTEER POSITION, BUT YOU GET THE POINT.) WE NEED EDITORS, ARTISTS, WRITERS, EVERYONE! TO JOIN US, PM SCARLETLATITUDE ON AVEN. WE CAN’T WAIT TO HAVE YOU ON OUR TEAM!

EDITING/CREATIVE TEAM

CONTRIBUTORS

Editor in Chief: scarletlatitude Layout: kelico Co-editors: Snao Cone, kelico, Iam9man, Scooter, Silhouettes1, Kikuka, CosinetheCat Creative Team: kelico, scarletlatitude, Kikuka

Writers/Artists: kelico, Kimmie, Windspiel, Eutierria, Amy Sutton, Superunknown, Scooter, Iam9man, BeakLove Special thanks: • Life of Tass • OptimisticPessimist

HAVE A LOOK AT OUR STAFF! (MADE AT PICREW.ME)

scarletlatitude, Editor in Chief kelico, Layout Editor Snao Cone, Editor &

PT Overlord

Iam9man, Editor & Content Scooter, Editor & Content Kimmie, Editor &

Content

Silhouettes1, Editor

CosineTheCat, Editor

Kikuka, Editor

FEATURED IN THIS ISSUE LETTER FROM THE EDITOR, MEET THE STAFF

4-6 INTERNATIONAL AVEN MEETUP 2019: …. By Snao Cone

8-9 FORMS OF ATTRACTION …. By Iam9man

9-10

THE “SPLIT ATTRACTION” MODEL

…. By BeakLove

10-11

LEARNING THE SPLITS

…. by Scooter

12-17 18-19

QUESTIONS OF THE MONTH “BLOODSTAINED” GAME REVIEW

…. By Kimmie

20-23

SHORT STORY CORNER

.... kelico, Superunknown

23-26

OPEN MIC

.... Eutierria, Windspiel, Amy Sutton

27-28 MEMBER HIGHLIGHT: LIFE OF TASS 29 ASEXY PUZZLE: CRYPTOGRAM 30 CLASSIFIEDS Featured

in this issue

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INTERNATIONAL AVEN MEETUP 2019 3

I Trekked, You Trekked, We All Trekked to Utrecht

By Snao Cone

AUGUST 4 – 10 WAS THE SECOND ANNUAL INTERNATIONAL AVEN MEETUP

as planned by members in Meetup Mart. Last year’s was in Reykjavik, Iceland, and this year’s was in Utrecht, Netherlands. The location was chosen as a calmer setting to heavy tourism areas while still being accessible. Most AVENites who attended flew to Amsterdam and took a train to Utrecht, though others got there by car, bike, or even on foot for a couple of locals.

Most of the week was planned in the days leading up to it, or even on the fly, but there were a few keystone events planned ahead of time on the AVEN thread. Monday during the day centered around Dom Square, as a number of AVEN folks had booked a walk-up tour of Dom Tower at noon, and/or a historic tour of ancient ruins in Dom Underground later in the afternoon. The walk-up was a physical challenge, not only on the way to the top but also in the dizzying spiral downwards. One member (who will not be named) was in poor condition that morning, and we were concerned that he would die too soon to face a more intentional death at the hands of another member (who will also not be named). We faced our first of many challenges as a group in our Dom Underground tour, when the guide noticed that we were all previously acquainted, despite being of multiple ages from multiple places.

He asked us how we knew each other and a few of us exchanged awkward glares before someone simply said “From a…forum…online.” While this was an adequate explanation for him, we played with ideas of other backstories throughout the week.

For Monday evening, local AVENite Ninouk booked tables for 25 at a local pizzeria.

We were placed in a room that had another large group, but that group left and we had the whole room to ourselves. At this point I shamelessly stood up (having only had one beer) and announced I had created an AVEN trivia contest, with prizes. The questions pertained to AVEN or asexuality in general, and winners could choose from a selection of pins or stickers. Questions ran out before prizes did, so the remaining prizes went to random superlatives I came up with on the spot. Which member there had the highest post count? Skycaptain, of course. Who had traveled the greatest distance to be there? Not to brag, but that was me. Who traveled the shortest distance?

We had two locals there, Ninouk and Artemyr, but Ninouk got the sticker for that one.

Crowds of different sizes planned a variety of activities that week, including a day trip to Rotterdam, a visit to the Utrecht botanical gardens, and kayaking through the canals. At the end of the day we often ended up sitting at tables on a large patio in a fairly central location, drinking (beer or non-alcoholic drinks) and chatting until the staff kicked us out at closing time. Some of us booked group accommodations with other AVENites, while others booked things for themselves, but we all became familiar with the way to and from that patio by the end of the week. Even the not-technicallya-party that ended up happening at my Airbnb when people came over ended up with half of us going to that patio until they shooed us out of there after 1 o’clock.

Another major group gathering was planned for Thursday afternoon. Members were told to meet at Julianapark for a picnic. Locals met us by a pond close to the entrance and guided us to a good spot for sitting down on the grass. People brought

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food with them that they bought there, or that they brought from their homeland.

There were excessively sweet Scottish candies, chocolate-coated Bugles from Norway, and ketchup chips/crisps I brought from Canada. The real stars of the picnic, though, were the party-crashing fowl. Roosters and hens roamed free at Julianapark, and some of them were bold enough to try to steal our food when they thought no one was looking. We ended up letting them go at the leftover watermelon that nobody was going to eat anyway. I like to think of these chickens as part of AVEN now.

At some point during the picnic, Lilsi, Rach1234, and Autumn Season had burst into song, which made it necessary for us to find somewhere to sing karaoke that night.

Diremastodon, who found out about this through a Dutch ace group and joined AVEN just to become a part of the meet, researched where we could go for that, and booked it for 9 PM. After the picnic we split into smaller groups, but many of us met up again at the karaoke bar. Various people put in requests for songs, whether it was Lilsi and Rach singing some Celine Dion, Autumn and Blaiddmelyn singing “Every Breath You Take”, keith1979 getting the room to whistle along to Monty Python’s “Always Look on the Bright Side of Life”, or Scott1989 getting the whole crowd to shout along to The Proclaimers “WELL I WOULD WALK 500 MILES AND I WOULD WALK 500 MORE!” Other groups at the karaoke bar eventually squeezed us out of the main area to steal the microphone, but we didn’t leave until after the entire group put their arms around each other to sing along to Billy Joel’s “The Piano Man”.

Friday was a rainy day, and there were multiple options for plans. We originally intended to have another picnic at another park, and many Dutch locals wanted to attend that as well. Most visiting AVENites, though, split into different teams: Team Ice Cream, Team Pancakes, and Team Wandering Around to Find the Café that Blaidd’s Colleague Recommended to name a few. We (and by we, I mean I) ended up calling Kimmie and 2xaspec “Team Viking” since they were vising from Sweden and Norway respectively.

We took up far too much space in a restaurant with no advance notice, with over 20 of us sitting there for food and/or drinks. Some of us had our phones with us and kept checking AVEN and the meetup thread just to see if anyone was posting questions or needed to know where we were. When we were sitting at this table (though Diremastodon was kind of lying down and dozing off in the corner), I saw Kimmie had posted some internal dialogue to motivate her to stand up and give a speech. Not long after, she stood up at the table and talked about how this was the best week of her life, and how much she appreciated the rest of us helping her with this huge leap in personal growth. Such a touching speech brought tears to my eyes, and I wasn’t the only one.

The rest of that last day continued to be emotional, as it sunk in that the trip was wrapping up and this joyful week with old and new friends would come to an end. Different people had different places they needed to go the next day – to Antwerp Pride, as was the case for me, Skycaptain, and malory; to the other Dutch cities they lived in, like for Diremastodon and Wayfarer; or for people like SaturnOOO and October Country, to the Schiphol airport to fly home. Many of us met at the Utrecht Centraal train station for last minute hugs before running for the trains we had to catch to get to where we were going. It seemed anti-climactic for the end of such a fun and meaningful week, but at least the memories and the friendships and the inside jokes of very inappropriate behaviour get to live on in our fabulous AVEN community.

Does this make you want to attend the next AVEN International Meetup? It should! In September of 2020 we’re meeting up in Toronto, Canada! Check out the thread in the Meetup Mart for the latest information: https://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/188475international-aven-meet-2020-20-26ish-september-toronto/

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Below: the template of a sticker Snao made and distributed to meetup attendees (whether they won at trivia or not).

Below: said sticker placed on a bench in Julianapark where the picnic was held and chickens ran rampant.

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Forms of Attraction By Iam9man The “Split Attraction” Model By BeakLove Learning the Splits By Scooter

3 ESSAYS ON THE SPLIT ATTRACTION MODEL

Image from OurAceSpace on Wattpad 7

FORMS OF ATTRACTION

By Iam9man

Whilst by definition asexuals don’t experience sexual attraction, like people of all orientations they can experience other forms of attraction; for example: • Romantic - Having romantic feelings for someone; e.g. a crush or falling in love • Aesthetic - Finding someone visually attractive or appealing • Sensual - Desiring close non-sexual physical contact with someone, such as hugging, cuddling, kissing, or holding hands • Platonic - wanting to spend time with someone or be close to someone, but not romantically • Alterous - Feeling attracted to someone in a way that is more than platonic but is not fully romantic, but rather somewhere in between the two Just like sexual attraction, these other forms of attraction can be directed:

PREFIX

DIRECTED…

A

Towards no genders

Hetero

Towards the opposite gender

Homo Bi

Towards the same gender Towards two or more genders; or towards own gender and another gender Towards several genders, but not all genders Towards all genders; or towards a person regardless of gender

Poly Pan

Asexuals often describe their orientation using more than one form of attraction (known as the Split Attraction Model); for example: • • • • •

A Heteroromantic Asexual (hetero/ace) A Homoaesthetic Asexual (homo/ace) An Aromantic Asexual (aro/ace) A Biromantic Homosensual Asexual A Panromantic Polyaesthetic Asexual

Some asexuals prefer to refer to themselves as just asexual or even use no labels at all.

It’s important to remember that whilst a model is designed to represent reality, it is not reality itself. People are infinitely more complicated and individual than any model could accurately represent.

However, where the Split Attraction Model comes into its own is when used as a tool to define oneself.

For example, some people feel strong romantic and aesthetic attraction to a particular gender, but when it comes to sex they feel something is “off.” They may go through life feeling like they are broken. Working with the Split Attraction Model they may determine that they feel romantic and aesthetic attraction to a particular gender, but feel sexual attraction to no genders. They may then choose to identify as asexual, with or without elaborating the orientations of their other attractions.

This process can be life-changing, which is why the Split Attraction Model continues to be popular within the asexual community both as a tool and a way of communicating with others.

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REMEMBER:

Ultimately labels are just that: words used to describe something. If you find a label suits you and you can relate to it, you can adopt it - or not, the choice is yours. There is never any hurry to pick one label over another (or any label at all) and you may find they change over time as you get to know yourself better.

The following opinion piece is a critique of the Split-Attraction Model. It is not intended to be invalidating. Like any other model, we encourage everyone to use the Split-Attraction Model if it works for them.

The opinions expressed are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of AVEN or AVENues. We have chosen to include this piece to reflect the diversity of perspectives in the asexual community and to foster civil dialogue. If you have a response, please send a Letter to the Editors here: https://forms.gle/8vrdx6cfBPSxqphz7

THE “SPLIT ATTRACTION” MODEL

By BeakLove

Sexual orientation is commonly defined as an enduring pattern of sexual and romantic attraction to one or more genders, however many asexual people find this an unsatisfying definition as it conflates together their relationship preference with a sexual preference they do not experience. Thus, the split attraction model was created to help asexual people explain their pattern of attraction. It separates one’s sexual attraction (or lack thereof) from one’s romantic attraction, and proposes that there is a corresponding romantic orientation spectrum encoding the genders. The model further breaks out one’s tendency to aesthetic attraction (being attracted to appearance), and sensual attraction (being attracted to non-sexual touch).

The problem with the model is that it doesn’t actually reflect reality, and that is the basic function of any model.

A majority of people would agree that all the attractions are basically in active alignment. People have relationships with those to whom they are sexually, romantically, aesthetically, and sensually attracted. This suggests that either: (a) these are independent attributes that happen to be highly correlated for most people, or (b) they are simply manifestations of the same underlying force. If it’s the latter, then it does not make sense to cut up attraction into discrete chunks and then attempt to glue them together arbitrarily. I argue that it’s the latter based on a set of observations I’ve made.

First, there is surprisingly little “bi-romanticism” within the asexual community – places like AVEN – which you might expect for a community with this view on sex. Most asexual people express a strong relationship preference for one gender. The idea of romance with the same sex is unappealing or even repulsive, much the same as a heterosexual person feels.

Second, I’ve found that for most asexuals, the set of attractions they do experience tend to line up neatly i.e. their romantic, sensual, and aesthetic attractions are highly correlated. They simply have one less dimension to correlate. A common point of discussion is what romance entails if it is decoupled from sex, since sex and romance are usually discussed as a pair. Often, romance is described primarily in terms of the other attractions: infatuation, a desire for touch, physical closeness, and finding someone pleasing to the eye.

Finally, and following from the last point: many of the activities contained within the “sensual” bucket either border-on sexual or are more-or-less sexual lite. Most people are not likely to go further than a polite hug with someone to whom they are not attracted. Sensual attraction permits some rather physical intimacy including kissing, close cuddling, and mutual nudity. Since sensual comfort is a key marker of delineation for romantic feelings for many asexuals, it suggests to me that if someone is experiencing romantic attraction on a sexed basis, then that discriminator is stemming from the same

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place as sexual attraction, were it experienced. After all, what other unique, distinct factor would create sexed preference?

To date, I have seen no examples of, say, a heterosexual homoromantic. What could be the explanation for such an orientation? Perhaps, a gay or lesbian person in denial or at fear of repercussion might choose a ‘straight’ relationship as a way of fitting in, but it hardly seems accurate to label their preference as heteroromantic! A bi-romantic, homo/hetero-sexual combination makes more sense, but as with aces we see very little evidence of this. In any case, someone with the capacity/desire to fall in love and have relationships with members of both sexes, is at least sufficiently attracted to both. That attraction simply doesn’t yield a desire for sex in one case.

Thus, it doesn’t make sense to have the notion of a romantic orientation separate from sexual orientation, and hence the whole model disintegrates. The two can be collapsed down to the same dimension, even for asexual people. Attraction isn’t “split.” Attraction is attraction. It is simply expressed differently: some people just don’t express that attraction in a sexual way. I don’t think moving away from split attraction has to mean invalidating anyone. If anything, thinking of it this way completely vindicates the experience of the hetero-ace, or homo-ace, as it were. Asexual people can be attracted to others and fall in love just like anyone else; it just doesn’t involve sex.

In short, the split attraction model doesn’t work because: • Asexual people experience both romantic and sensual attraction on a gendered basis.

• The boundaries between the attractions are extremely fuzzy. In particular, sensual blends into sexual.

• Asexual people’s experience of these attractions is gendered • These taken together imply that the gendered basis for these attractions emerge from the same place as sexual attraction, thus the common definition of orientation holds.

LEARNING THE SPLITS

by Scooter

If you’re even a little bit involved with the Asexual community, you’ve likely seen at least a few debates about labels. Some people love them, some loathe them, and for better or worse, they seem to be here to stay.

Labels seem to take on a bit more specifics in the Ace community than they do under the larger LGBT+ umbrella (that’s not to say many labels can’t be applied to them as well, should they so choose them). Many on the Ace spectrum do experience some form of attraction, or have specifics about how they experience asexuality. Using more prefixes or additional labels can help some people describe what asexuality is to them specifically, and more easily relate to others who also find labels useful.

There are countless stories out there about peoples’ journeys of discovering they ’re on the Ace spectrum. Many times, there’s a lot of confusion involved, and it frequently takes longer than other orientations to figure it out in the first place, as many of us are aware. But when you toss in other types of attractions that aren’t commonly spoken about--romantic, aesthetic, sensual, etc.--it can raise the confusion factor by quite a bit.

Even among most LGBT+ folks, orientations frequently line up. That is to say, sexual, romantic, aesthetic attraction, etc. are usually the same. Someone who is bisexual is very likely to also be biromantic, someone who is homosexual is likely to be homoro-

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mantic, there are many who are asexual as well as aromantic, and so forth. It’s so common that most people don’t talk about it, or even realize that one’s orientation can be split into those different categories. It’s all but assumed.

I view all of this from the perspective of someone who’s orientation would be considered to be split. I label myself as a biromantic asexual; I am romantically and aesthetically attracted to more than one gender, but sexually attracted to no one. At least online, I have encountered many other people with similarly split orientations, almost all of them somewhere along the Ace spectrum. While I haven’t done any research on it, I would suspect that split orientations are common among other LGBT+ identities as well. It just seems to be more frequent a topic of conversation in the Ace community, as we tend to have a difficult time figuring out who we’re attracted to at all (if anybody), and how we feel that attraction.

For my own Queer identity journey, learning about split orientations is what made it click and fall into place for me. When I first accepted that heteronormativity just wasn’t working for me and decided that I wasn’t broken or wrong in some way, I of course went directly to Google. I tried queries along the lines of “I don’t like sex” and, “list of sexual orientations” and everything I could think of in between. To give a bit of credit to the cliché, a significant amount of what I read on asexuality was from Tumblr. I must’ve lucked out, because at the time, almost all that I did read was generally leaning towards the positive, and it did sound like I might fit into it as an identity… except for the fact that I knew I could absolutely be attracted to what I would consider a gorgeous person.

I also knew I didn’t care at all for sex, and there was nobody on the planet that was beautiful enough to make me change my mind about it. I worried that that one quality disqualified me from truly being an asexual, and I all but gave up on finding a label that fit for more than a year.

At some point, I decided to search again for an identity that might work and stumbled upon a very short article about split attraction. I all but leapt out of my seat for joy, because it was describing me! It felt like being given official permission. I could be attracted to people in some ways, but not in others, and that was still perfectly good and valid. It’s a difficult feeling to describe, but it was most certainly a big “Ah-ha!” moment for me.

I suppose I could consider myself lucky that it didn’t take longer to discover a label that validated my orientations. The timing was decent, I managed to figure out the right search terms to find the right articles and encountered very little discourse (at least in the beginning). Finding AVEN at that point was a huge help as well, with frequent discussions concerning split orientations. If it were a more widely discussed subject, it might’ve taken me even less time.

While some people feel labels are complicated or unnecessary, they can be an enormous source of comfort and validation. If the concept of split orientations was more commonly described and discussed (especially in more general LGBT+ spaces), it could be helpful to those who are still questioning and confused about their identities. There are so many people in the world, there’s no way that my own story concerning this subject is unique. Not everyone needs extra modifiers or labels to describe their different forms of attraction, and that’s perfectly fine. But at least learning that they ’re out there can be a big game-changer for some of us, and can help to normalize it. Perhaps someone will come to better understand how a friend experiences attraction. Perhaps another will have their own lightbulb moment, and finally feel comfortable in choosing labels that fit them just right.

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QUESTIONS OF THE MONTH

Follow AVENues on Facebook here: https://www.facebook.com/AVENuesAVEN/ Follow AVEN on Facebook here: https://www.facebook.com/AVENOfficial/

WHAT ARE YOUR ORIENTATIONS OR IDENTITIES? (FEEL FREE TO INCLUDE SEX, GENDER, AND ROMANTIC ORIENTATIONS.)

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DO YOU CONSIDER YOUR ORIENTATIONS/IDENTITIES TO BE “SPLIT”? DO THEY NOT “MATCH” IN SOME WAY? I feel like since I identify as partially male, and yet I am Hetero, this makes me a partially gay male in a female body. Funny, huh?

- Anonymous Yes, there’s a definite split between Asexuality and romantic attraction which is more noticeable when trying to find a partner who usually has both aligned.

- Anonymous The combination non-binary and heteroromantic is a bit odd when I think about it. I am biologically a woman and I (rarely, but still) fall in love with men, which would make me heteroromantic. Yet I don’t identify as a woman, so the word heteroromantic doesn’t make sense.

- Ninouk I do not consider my orientations to be split even though they don’t match up.

- Anonymous Yes, I’m asexual and biromantic/panromantic. I’m such a romantic person that sometimes I joke that my sexuality got put into my romantic orientation instead, so I have 200% of the romantic attraction that I’m “supposed” to have, and 0% of the sexual attraction.

- Coddiwomple

Lesbian sexual, exploring asexuality, because I’m married to a beautiful woman who is asexual (after 15 years she finally told me, really?). Prior to marriage, and when I was younger and not in a committed relationship, I would’ve considered myself a “flexsexual”. I enjoyed the person I was with, gender didn’t matter. Whether we had sexual contact or not, it didn’t matter. Companionship and having a good time is what did matter.

- Robyn Chafin Ohm I find them to be very split. I’m ace, though I very strongly desire a romantic relationship with women.

- Duke Memphis Yes, I’m aromantic, full stop, but not fully asexual. Additionally, I consider myself sex repulsed but not romance repulsed - Anonymous Yes, I consider my orientations to be split. The fact that I am asexual and biromantic might be a problem once I decide to come out since bi(sexual) people have a stereotype of being “greedy ” or very sexual, and I, as a sex- repulsed ace, am the complete opposite.

- NoraGrace Yeah! So, I consider my sexual (ace) and romantic (pan) orientations to be split since I could be romantically attracted to anybody and am sexually attracted to nobody haha.

- Christa

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IF YOU HAVE SPLIT ORIENTATIONS/ IDENTITIES, DO YOU HAVE ANY CHALLENGES EXPLAINING THIS TO OTHER PEOPLE? I’ve never had to explain this to anyone yet, because I think most people see me as a woman. To be fair, I’ve only recently come to the conclusion I’m non-binary. I think it would be complicated to explain to people who are not familiar with the ever-increasing list of identities.

- Ninouk One of my cis-straight friends asked why I wanted to bind, and I really had no answer for him other than it felt right. Then explaining that no, I’m not trans, even though I changed my name, chopped off my hair, want to bind, and talk about wanting a lower voice all the time.

- I, Joan I am ace and biromantic, and although I have not come out to anyone yet once I do, I expect it to prove challenging in some ways. This is because bisexuals are stereotyped to be very sexual, and although this may not be true for many bisexuals, its will be a challenging part of coming out to people because I won’t be able to just say, “I am bi” because them people would automatically assume I meant bisexual. Apart from having to explain asexuality, I will also have to explain how I am biromantic.

- NoraGrace The people in my area are generally pretty woke, so not really. I also haven’t come out as asexual to many people. Mostly I just say, “I’m bi/pan” and don’t specify the suffix for convenience, because that gets the point across that I like guys, girls, and everyone else. I’m a teen, so sex doesn’t come up that often for me anyway. I don’t think explaining split orientations is super difficult. If someone was ever confused, I’d just say “I’m open to dating any gender, but I don’t want to have sex with anyone.”

- Coddiwomple Trying to explain asexuality is hard enough. I then explain that I find women beautiful and I find the female form beautiful. Also, that I’m very sensual so enjoy foreplay with someone I’m attracted to, but I’m happy to stop at that point (before sex). Then finally that I’m sex-indifferent so happy to have sex occasionally when in a relationship. Queue blown minds and/or raised eyebrows!

- Iam9man Having to use two labels to describe something that most people only need to use one label for (romantic/sexual orientation) often makes me hesitant to talk about my orientations for fear that people will get confused and then use their confusion as an excuse to dismiss my identity.

- Anonymous I have gotten a lot of questions (which I was expecting, but still). For example, it’s common that if I mention being aromantic, people will ask “is that like asexual” and I end up having to explain my entire sexuality anyway because I have to explain that they ’re different but it’s not incorrect to describe me as asexual sometimes. Also, one time when I clarified that I wasn’t fully asexual I had someone basically say “so you’re saying there’s a chance that you could be attracted to [a friend of mine that they ship me with]” and it was weird.

- Anonymous

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I get a lot of questions about what I’m looking for in a relationship if it isn’t sex and what the difference is to me. And since I’ve been in a relationship with an allosexual I’ve gotten questions about what that’s like and questions about if we’ve had sex and things like that. I mean first of all that’s very personal information that I shouldn’t have to share! But explaining the romantic/sexual split can be kinda hard since it makes total sense to me but often doesn’t to others. I usually say that I value emotional or physical closeness in relationships over anything sexual but I’d say that I’m still parsing out how to effectively convey it to other people. It’s hard to know exactly what sexual and romantic attraction are when you’re ace and aro-spec.

- Christa

HOW DO YOUR ORIENTATIONS/IDENTITIES IMPACT YOUR EVERYDAY LIFE? I think being Demi is more fun than hetero, because you can explore so much more in your day to day life. Even though I’ve gone to the women’s restroom my whole life, I’m not afraid to go to the men’s room when I want/need to. It’s also funny to see the look on people’s faces when the realize I’m (sexually) a girl. (I have short hair and no boobs and very rarely wear particularly girly clothes.) Of course, I then calmly explain I use both he/ him and she/her.

- Anonymous A lot of difficulty at getting people to not make comments on the sexual orientation. A close friend frequently “forgets” about my orientation and tries to force it one way.

- Anonymous I’ve been so bombarded by society with the idea that romantic and sexual attraction go together that sometimes I forget they don’t have to. Sometimes when I’m wondering if I’m romantically attracted to someone, I catch myself wondering if I’m sexually attracted to them too. I have to REMIND myself that I’m ace and that my lack of sexual attraction does NOT retract from my romantic attraction.

- Anonymous Not much; they do form the basis from which I choose how to behave and dress (genderneutral). I don’t really care if people refer to me as “she/her” or “he/him”, so it doesn’t have a big impact on my mood.

- Ninouk My family has no clue, so mostly it’s a disconnect around them. They don’t know who I am, as my ace/aro side impacts my future a ton. I’ve had to go through friends for trying to get a binder, because my dad views gender as a rigid binary. Thankfully, my friends are supportive, even if they don’t always understand.

- I, Joan Not much in general. I have crushes on people of various genders and am mystified when people call other people “hot”. (Seriously... why is that allo people’s go-to adjective?) I don’t really try to hide being queer; I think it’s made pretty obvious by the things I wear, say, and do, and 95% of my friends are queer as well. I live in a mostly accepting place, so I’ve never actually had discrimination directed at me (except once when I was traveling).

So yeah, I’m just kind of chilling in gay at this point.

- Coddiwomple I guess our orientation doesn’t really affect our everyday lives. I do find myself more vigilant to our surroundings when we are out around town. You never know who might have a problem with us. Other than the occasional fear of prejudice against lesbians, or LGBTQ

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in general, we are pretty much everyday people.

- Robyn Chafin Ohm The fact that I am asexual impacts my life a lot more than my biromantic orientation since I am not out yet. We live in a very sexualized society, and often my peers will talk about sexual stuff and I will not understand because I am usually very grossed out by sex and don’t want to research it, joke about it, or even talk about it. Then people get confused about why I don’t think it is funny or why I don’t find people “hot”.

- NoraGrace For the most part they don’t, but I’m trying to work on being more open about my identities and talking to people about aphobic things I see instead of just brushing it off. I think it’s super important to be open about that, if you feel comfortable doing so, so that the world becomes a little more accepting of different identities.

- Christa My orientation explains large parts of my life. I struggled before I knew I was asexual and, whilst life didn’t change afterwards, at least I knew I wasn’t alone, and I had a word to explain myself (even if just to myself).

-Iam9man There are only really 2 things that I think of as actually impacting my life and they aren’t always even the case. The first one, I’m gonna be painfully honest when I say that sometimes I get very sad being aromantic. Just the way that zedromantic/alloromantic people constantly talk about and portray romance just seems so nice but is still so impossible for me. Also, because I can occasionally experience sexual attraction but I’m repulsed by sex there’s a weird guilt and disgust at myself during those times.

- Anonymous

Q uestions

of the

M onth

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BLOODSTAINED: RITUAL OF THE NIGHT Review by Kimmie.

DEVELOPER: ArtPlay, DICO, and WayForward Technologies PUBLISHER: 505 Games AVAILABLE PLATFORMS: PS4, Xbox One, PC and Switch (tested) Link: https://playbloodstained.com/ Four years after a massively successful Kickstarter campaign, Bloodstained is finally released. Koji Igarashi’s love letter to the game genre he made popular with Castlevania: Symphony of the Night. That genre later led to Metroidvania and even Igavania. Bloodstained is a game that mixes a 2,5D adventure gameplay with an open world that rewards exploration.

You play as Miriam, a Shardbinder who travels to the castle to stop her old friend, Gebel, and maybe find a cure for the curse hanging over her. The story is not much to write home about. It does its job, but not much more.

The gameplay format is side scroller, where the player travels through a castle summoned from hell. Along the way, Miriam meets several types of demons that have to be dealt with.

Gameplay also features some puzzles and platforming content, which must be solved before advancing.

As is typical for this type of game, players will find there are points which cannot be passed without a new ability or upgrade. Players are encouraged to backtrack in order to gain the abilities or items needed to proceed. Players have will find several types of weapons to choose from, including daggers, one-handed swords, two-handed swords, whips, and even guns. Such a range of options allows for players to modify game play to best suit their preferences.

While reviewing I found I preferred the one-handed sword weapon option, as it favored attack speed. The controls lack issues and function well with no weird mapping or input lag. It’s obvious the programers knew what they were doing when everything feels so tight.

Players who dislike grinding may have some complaints, as Bloodstained does require time spent toward building levels and gaining drop items.

The boss fights can look hard at first, but the game mechanics are fair. The developers had to beat a boss with just the standard dagger and no healing for it to be in the final game.

The game has a gothic style with a pinch of Japanese design. The castle looks really cool both on the outside and inside. There are several types of enemies, everything from the ordinary frogs and bats, to the magical werewolves and dragons.

For my review purposes, I played (and am still playing) on the Nintendo Switch, which unfortunately has some technical issues. Many of these issues have been addressed with patches.

Unfortunately, one I still experienced in gameplay is around areas with water in them.

G ame R eview

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The screen frame rate dives well under 20fps, making everything look like it runs in slow motion.

Buyers will want to be aware that the Switch version does have a way lower resolution than other formats. The other versions may run better, with smoother graphics and less lag.

There are things that could be clearer for the player which causes confusion, and may require enlisting the help of a strategy guide. Regardless, the game is still really fun and everything I wished for when I backed it all those years ago.

So, for fans of classic metroid-vanias, there is no reason to not give this one a try. Igarashi really nailed this one and did prove that games of this type are still popular.

When it comes to the rating, while it has its problems, overall it is still a really fun game.

I give it a 8/10.

PROS Design: Control: Gameplay:

CONS Technical issues: Story:

G ame R eview

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SHORT STORY CORNER AWAKE

By kelico Sometimes going to sleep brings fear. Lying down and closing my eyes, I fear I’ll never wake up again. But then, that fear turns into a comfort. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad if I slept forever? If living this waking life brings so much pain, so much agony, so much mental anguish and physical lament, then sleeping life away must feel like a godsend. After all, if that happened, I would probably be with God.

Then the nightmares start. Every dream, a new hell-torture; screams, hatred, and a fear that towers above the initial cowardice trying to convince me not to sleep at all. The initial fear that becomes solace at the thought of never waking.

The solace recedes back, however, morphing into regret.

I never wanted this to be life.

So I wake up. I wake up to reality and remember that, unlike my nightmares, I can alter my actions and change my life so it doesn’t feel like the dreams that would plague me if I slept for eternity.

Eternity is a long time.

I don’t want to spend it sleeping.

Copyright kelico 2019

THE EXTRATERRESTRIAL BLUEBERRIES THAT SPROUTED A PAIR OF LEGS AND KICKED ME IN THE FACE

By Superunknown

Blueberries: an utterly atrocious fruit. Perhaps you question my statement? “Whatever is the matter with blueberries?” you ask. Well, to that, I would tell you that everything is the matter. Personally, I’m surprised you have still not heard of the series of horrendous happenings regarding these spheres of chaos.

I should have known we were all doomed from the first day. Now, had this been anywhere but our town in the middle of nowhere, there would be reasons. One very nice summer’s day, while I was out sipping some juice on the porch, every single blueberry in sight fell off its tree in an instant. And then proceeded to march off into the distance. Well, really, hop off into the distance. I suppose if they had sprouted pairs of legs right then and there, I would have panicked earlier.

As I watched from my porch as the mass amount of berries booked it across the field, I thought, “Alright, there goes all hope of making pie.” I’m sure many others watching the sight thought the same. Life would go on. Just without blueberries. Strange supernatural occurrence?

S hort S tory C orner

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Sure, I’ll take it, if it doesn’t kill anyone. However, I was not expecting them to return. On top of that, I certainly wasn’t expecting them to return armed.

When I saw the army of little silver spheres on the horizon and the smallest flag, I dismissed it. I don’t recall what the flag looked like, but it should have been a red flag. However, I shrugged it off. Just a slightly funky day. That’s all. Note, this, coming from a person who did nothing after their blueberries took off in front of their eyes. I waited for the army of God knows what to actually get past the horizon (they took their sweet time, I’ll have you know). I sipped some miscellaneous juice while awaiting the show. Entertainment at its finest.

As they approached (and it took a while), I realized there was a peculiar smell in the air. It smelled like - you guessed it - blueberries. “Huzzah, they ’ve come back! Pie time!” I thought to myself. Boy, was I wrong.

They were emitting a strange sound. It sounded vaguely like furious chipmunks. They started bouncing up to my porch. One hit me in the face. I ate it. Tasted a bit metallic, but one must take the good with the bad. I was waiting, wondering when I should do something useful, when suddenly, one sprouted a pair of legs. Small, thin legs. Made of steel. They poked their way out of the blueberry and then I realized, “Oh. They all have legs now. Splendid.” Then one flung itself off the ground, and in an astounding move, kicked me right in the face. I did not eat it. Perhaps because I was on the ground, reeling in pain from the incredibly harsh kick of a blueberry. “OK”, I thought, “Pretty nifty way to go. Attacked by chaotic blueberries.”

They formed a circle around me. For a moment, it dawned on me that perhaps I was a sacrifice. However, I was proved wrong almost immediately.

And in its screechy, angry chipmunk voice, one said “Take me to your leader.”

Looking back, I realize I was dealing with extraterrestrial blueberries, which were probably not to be messed with. I proceeded to mess with them, regardless. “No,” I responded adamantly, “I am my leader, you fools.” I guess that shut them up because their circle broke apart and formed a triangle. Oh, scary.

A blueberry began screeching something about me being an incompetent elderberry, failing to explain why the army had morphed into a triangle. Maybe it was the leader berry that spoke first.

Maybe not. They should have given their leader a fedora to make it more distinguished.

As they had morphed into a triangle, I morphed into existentialism. Did I exist? Was this even happening? As a berry explained their sole purpose for existing and why they kicked me in the face (which was still painful), I contemplated my life, everything I had done and hadn’t done.

And I realized I would never get making a blueberry pie off my bucket list, would I?

ANOTHER DAY, ANOTHER DOLLAR

By kelico

Another day, another dollar. I sighed aloud. What a dumb saying. Tapping my pen against the desk, I stared at the spreadsheet I was tasked to. Another day, another dollar. How many days would these people appearing on said spreadsheet need to work if they only got one dollar a day?

2,753,541 days, apparently. But I had a feeling these rich douches hadn’t done much outside of lifting their pinky and directing others to do their dirty work to get such bright green amounts.

I sighed again and stretched. Arms above my head, extended as high as they could go, I then pointed my toes to full extension. Toes in cheap-ass knockoff Louboutins. Ah, such a good feel-- “Ouch!!”

“Hey, you okay over there, Lynn?”

“Yes. I’m fine, Raph,” I half-shouted, half grumbled, but in a kind of friendly way so that he couldn’t tell I was in pain and also annoyed by his presence. Ouch, ouch, ouch, foot cramp.

“Okay, good. Just checking!” Raph, short for Raphael, retracted his nosy face behind the cubicle wall. No matter what, for the life of me, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles popped into my head whenever I used his name. What can I say? I’m a geek at heart. But not the spreadsheet kind of geek, that’s for sure.

“Thanks” I called back again, returning to my monotonous work glaring back at me.

S hort S tory C orner

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Numbers, numbers, numbers. Lines, lines, lines. Copy, paste, copy, paste, tab, tab, tab, enter, enter, delete.

DELETE. DELETE. DELETE.

Another damn day, another damn dollar.

Fed up with the current tedium, I switched gears and focused on some hard-earned sketching...though doodling is definitely the better term. I grabbed one of my 20 or so pens from a $1 miniature tin bucket, decked out with tiny cartoon pizzas, and began to release my creative energy all over the Post-It Notes I had available.

First masterpiece: A stick figure stabbing another stick figure that decided to pop their head into the other’s cubicle.

Second masterpiece: Tiny pizza slice. No, no, I totally didn’t copy the ones on my pen container.

Third masterpiece: A smiley face, which I quickly scribbled out because it simply did not do my mood justice.

“Haa,” I sighed aloud again. This time, too loud.

“Lynn! Hey, bored over there?” Raph, the poky turtle, at it again.

I glared at him but quickly turned my frown upside down (all of the motivational posters would be proud of me) to reply, “Yes, I am! But mostly, I’m just disappointed in my artistic skills.”

“Huh?”

“Oh, Raph, you wouldn’t get it,” I exclaimed, turning back to my monitor, signaling my neighbor to go back to his.

Buzz. Buzz. My “intelligent watch” vibrated. (Certainly not an Apple!). 3:00 PM. I wanted my dollar already. Two more hours to go of this torture. I leaned back in my chair, pushing the reclining feature to its max. Spin, spin, spin, I rotated until the point of no return, just before too dizzy.

“Lynn,” a stern voice shocked me out of my spin class. I stopped immediately and looked up to find three duplicates of my boss. Man, he was suddenly really fuzzy and--oh yeah, the spinning.

“Hi, sir. What can I help you with?”

“Firstly, I’d like you to stop fooling around. Secondly, I’d like you to pack your things.”

A chill ran through me. The kind of chill that felt like I was dipped in searing oil for a split second before plunging into the Arctic. When my boss said things with the blank look on his face he had now -- no emotion, no light, all business -- he meant it.

S hort S tory C orner

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“Um,” I stuttered, “Pack my things? Am I fired?” I gulped.

“I’m sorry, Lynn. You see, we’ve been getting a lot of complaints about work coming from your station. Lots of mistakes. Lots of blank spreadsheets. And lots of noise.”

Raph. Was he ratting on me? I thought he cared, in some annoying way.

“Just kidding!”

…?

“Wha--what?” I stammered. What was going on? My boss never joked. Ever. Never. His emotionless mouth tweaked into a grin.

He replied, “Sorry. Raphael put me up to it. You see, he let me know you were having a tough time today and thought maybe a good scare would buck you up! Haha!” His laugh bellowed deeper than the deepest baritone I’d heard, though that isn’t saying much as I’m sure there were a lot out there. I stared at him in disbelief, mouth agape.

Boss Crackin’- Jokes took that as his time to leave and shuffled away.

And, naturally, Raph popped his nosiness into my cubicle to smile and say, “Did that help?

The day ’s almost done, Lynn.”

Okay, so he can be nice at times, not just annoying. However, it really didn’t do a damn thing for my mental state. “Sure, Raph. Sure it helped. Thanks,” I replied with the most pleasant smile I could muster at the time.

I felt immensely anxious, adrenaline coursing through my veins for the next 20 minutes.

Throwing up didn’t sound like such a bad idea, either. Bosses really shouldn’t pull pranks like that, especially at the behest of an annoying amphibian man.

Screw spreadsheets, I was done for the day as far as actual work was concerned.

I whittled away the last hour by running to the toilet, doodling to my heart’s content, and collapsing my head on the desk.

I earned my day ’s dollar.

And tomorrow is yet another day.

Copyright kelico 2019

POETRY PODIUM CALL ME BY MY NAME

by Eutierria

I shared a poem ( in the style of S poken Word ) on the O pen M ic forum as well as with some ace friends on Facebook & it was suggested that it could be shared with the wider AVEN community via AVEN ues . W hen I wrote this , I was thinking about how aces self - identify & re - identify. H ow labels can be incredibly soothing for some & yet a burden to others . T here is an element of wishing the outside world to be more understanding that aces are not made equal - we may never be at the same place , at the same time , on the spectrum ( s ). I wanted to get across that no matter how we identify and / or the internal conflict experienced , we are a supportive community & we have each other.

Poetry Podium

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Don’t call me by my minority, Pronoun, race or sexuality.

Sound it out phonetically, Consider it noetically.

The spokesperson you wish me be, I am not them, my apologies.

Look deeper to find those nuances, Each one an idiosyncrasy.

Black, white, grey but always purple, Others...a societal hurdle.

Dark with light, we find our greens, Who knows if it’s in our genes (?)

Takes a while, we have our demi, Orientation can be any.

Not your stereotypical rainbow, We are ace, we are aro.

“Call Me By My Name “ © Eutierria 2019

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Painting Gallery SUNSET MOUNTAIN

By Windspiel

Painting G allery

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ART BY AMY SUTTON “WALKING INTO THE SEA”

“SWALLOW MEADOW”

“RAINBOW CROW” “SEA WITCH”

Copyright Amy Sutton 2019 Painting G allery

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MEMBER HIGHLIGHT: LIFE OF TASS -Interview by scarletlatitude

SCARLETLATITUDE: This issue is about orientations. Tell us about your orientations.

LIFE OF TASS: I identify as an ammolic graysexual. I imagine

people looking at their screens in confusion right now, so let me explain. Ammolic means “a nonbinary person who is attracted to women and other nonbinary people.” IRL, I just say I’m a nonbinary butch or a nonbinary lesbian, as I am AFAB (assigned female at birth) and agender and, personally, don’t need to physically transition in any way.

S: Do you think that your orientations are “split” at all?

L: My romantic and sexual orientations aren’t split, per se. I’m ro-

mantically attracted to women and other nb folks, and I suppose I could be sexually attracted to them too. But, since I’m graysexual, this hasn’t happened yet. I do experience very intense aesthetic attraction for people of all genders and that had me thinking that I was panromantic for a good while. Alas, I wasn’t.

S: What is your favorite part of AVEN? L: My favourite part of AVEN has to be JFF, and specifically the

chatterbox. I really like talking with people about anything and everything there, it’s so fun!

S: How did you find out about asexuality?

L: Technically I found out about asexuality via Pinterest and some

LGBT+ themed pins where asexuality was included. But I never stopped to find out more about asexuality until some years later, when I was watching BoJack Horseman and Todd was going through his arc of discovering and accepting his asexuality. These episodes prompted me to research asexuality further, and long story short, I’ve been on AVEN for more than a year now! I wouldn’t have it any other way!

S: What advice do you have for people who are struggling with their orientations?

L: I’d tell them to stay strong, be patient and keep an open mind.

Figuring out your identity can be a long and tedious process, but in the end, you’ll always end up stronger, happier and more confident.

Also, I’d tell them to keep in mind that in terms of labels, some-

M ember H ighlight

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times close enough is the best you’ll get, and that’s okay. As I like to say, when dealing with individuals, nothing is set in stone and labels don’t define us, we define them.

S: Sweet or sour?

T: Depends on the context. But if you tell me that something is

sweet and it turns out to be sour (or vice versa), I’m afraid I’m going to have to show you the door.

S: In real life (off the internet), what do you do for fun?

T: I draw a lot. I really enjoy drawing, especially faces. I love how

I can capture all these unique features that a face has. Other than that, I enjoy playing video games and watching absurdly long video essays about random subjects on YouTube.

S: Can you recommend a TV show for us to watch?

T: Monty Python’s flying circus. It’s on Netflix, and it’s a very fun and surreal show!

S: If you could have anything as a pet, what would you pick and why?

T: I’m gonna be boring and say a cat, because I can actually take

care of a cat, and I wouldn’t want to have a pet I realistically can’t take care of.

S: Give us a random fact.

T: A person’s eyes stay the same size for their entire life, but their nose and ears never stop growing throughout their life. I wonder at which point an immortal person who ages in a regular manner would basically be just a nose and two ears.

M ember H ighlight

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ASEXY PUZZLE: CRYPTOGRAM Figure out the code to read the secret message!

A sexy Puzzle

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CLASSIFIEDS MARSHALL JOHN BLOUNT: GENTLE GIANT ACE VLOGGER “Sharing my experiences being Asexual in a 2020s kind of world...And also educating those who do not know about our community. Just know you are not alone out there...

Subscribe so you won’t miss out on any content I do. My channel is an Ace safe space!” --Marshall He covers Q&As, Topics on Ace dating and meet ups, Pep talks for fellow Ace folks, and serious issues such invalidation and Aphobia, plus more! You can find his Youtube channel here: https://tinyurl.com/yyz3rlkb

MERCHANDACE Looking for ace-themed clothing, accessories, flags, bags, home decor, or pretty much anything else? Check out Merchandace - the biggest catalogue of asexual merchandise on the web! Or if you’re a creator and would like to find out more about how to get your ace merch out there, why not get in touch?

Find all your Pride essentials and much, much more at http://merchandace.com

Do you have an advertisement you would like to add to future issues of AVENues?

Send us the info at newsletter@asexuality.org!

Ace

KLGRAPHICDESIGNS

Want a Pride Moose? Stickers, pins, and graphic design all by our own kelico!

Check out their shop on Etsy: https://www.etsy.com/shop/KLGraphicDesigns

WANT TO HELP WITH FUNDING TOWARDS AVEN’S SERVERS? CHECK OUT THE DONATION PAGE HERE! https://www.gofundme.com/keep-aven039s-servers-running

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For our first issue of 2020, we are looking for stories from “the other side”. Are you an ace who has questions for sexual people?

Or are you a sexual person who has questions for aces? Are you in a relationship where one of you is an ace and the other is sexual? We want to hear about it!

FILL OUT OUR QUESTION OF THE MONTH FORM HERE: https://forms.gle/gg5sHXBAePR7Tzpc8 If you would like to send us a longer piece, email us at avenues.submissions@gmail.com.

REMEMBER,WE ARE ALWAYS LOOKING FOR ARTICLES AND ARTWORK TO ADD TO AVENUES! • To submit creative works, please go here: https://goo.gl/forms/QQqfdfOR69niJFoP2 • All creative works also need to be submitted through our copyrights form: https://goo.gl/forms/ciEyCwNew5wjuzVg1 • Send us your asexy jokes and puns here: https://goo.gl/forms/Rg4vlY6XZ7c17bNJ3 • You may also send a private message to any of the AVENues staff on AVEN

REMEMBER THAT WE ARE ALWAYS LOOKING FOR MORE PEOPLE TO JOIN OUR TEAM! SEND ONE OF US A MESSAGE ON AVEN FOR MORE INFO!