AVENues Newsletter: Summer 2019

AVENUES

TRANS* ISSUE JULY - SEPTEMBER 2019

SUM MER 2019

LETTER FROM THE EDITOR

Hiya aces!

We are super excited for this issue! This time, AVENues is all about transgender things! We have 8 stories from transgender people, as well as over 30 responses to the questions of the month. Sprinkled through this issue is artwork by Chips Christianson, a non-binary artist who shared their LGBT+ art with us. You can see more of Chips’ work here: https://spark.adobe.com/page/3OCkKUQK7P8bo/ We

at

AVENues

really

appreciate

everyone

who

shared

their

stories. We know that being open about your orientation can be difficult.

Hopefully by reading some other people’s stories, everyone can learn more about themselves. ~ scarletlatitude, Editor in Chief AVENUES IS HIRING! (WELL, IT’S A VOLUNTEER POSITION, BUT YOU GET THE POINT.) WE NEED EDITORS, ARTISTS, WRITERS, EVERYONE! TO JOIN US, PM SCARLETLATITUDE ON AVEN. WE CAN’T WAIT TO HAVE YOU ON OUR TEAM!

EDITING/CREATIVE TEAM

CONTRIBUTORS

Editor in Chief: scarletlatitude Layout: kelico Co-editors: Snao Cone, kelico, addewyn, Biblioromantic Creative Team: kelico, scarletlatitude

Writers/Artists: sh1965, ben8884 Special thanks: • Interview: nerdperson777 • Artwork: Chips Christianson

FEATURED IN THIS ISSUE

LETTER FROM THE EDITOR

3-6

TRANS STORIES

…. Stories of trans people and their experiences

7-12 13

14

QUESTIONS OF THE MONTH

FACEBOOK POLL ....Do you consider yourself both ace and trans?

OPEN MIC

15-18 …..

19 …..

20-21

Featured

short stories by sh1965

cup paintings by ben8884

MEMBER HIGHLIGHT: NERDPERSON777

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ASEXY PUZZLE: GENDER WORD SEARCH

23

CLASSIFIEDS

in this issue

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TRANS STORIES

*

We have 8 stories from transgender members of our community.

Thank you to them for sending us their stories!

Chips Christianson 2019

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BY LEIGH

I’m 19 and I identify as non-binary generally and use both she/her and they/them pronouns but I have not yet come out to anyone. I am also aromantic and asexual and have been out about those aspects of my identity for almost two years.

I started questioning my gender and sexuality a few years ago but never thought to delve into it and kept naively assuming I was straight. Only a few months ago after starting university did I think to finally explore my gender. I’m AFAB and I’ve always felt that that was a core part of my identity, but words like “girl” and “woman” never felt like they applied to me. I bought myself a binder after I talked to one of my friends about it as I had often thought that I’d prefer to have a flat chest. I struggled with finding a label I felt I could identify with and it didn’t help that I couldn’t find much information at the time.

For a while I considered myself to be demigirl but it still didn’t feel right because it felt like the “female” aspect of that label was too strong for me. Then I tried agender for a while, but it felt like it was missing that core element I felt from being AFAB. I felt a bit lost so went with the simple non-binary label for three months, but I wasn’t completely satisfied. Recently I thought that since demi can be applied to any gender, “demiagender” might be a label that other people use. I looked it up and it seemed that at least a few people also identified as such. It felt great to finally find a label that felt right for me. Even if I never find anyone else who uses demiagender as a label, I don’t care because I know it’s the right one for me and no one can take that away from me. I am however reluctant to use the word trans to describe myself even though I know all nonbinary labels fall under the trans umbrella, simply because I’m afraid of the backlash it may cause. I had a trans friend a year ago who was truscum and often posted on his tumblr about how “you couldn’t be trans without physical dysphoria” which in hindsight probably put me off looking into my gender until fairly recently as I don’t have physical dysphoria and I didn’t know social dysphoria was a thing.

BY KRISTOPHER

I’m a trans man. It took a lot of soul searching and learning to love myself to be able to type out that sentence and not feel guilt or shame. My whole life I was taught to love everyone, but not the people who are gay or transgender. I am still in the closet to most people in my life. My family doesn’t know because they are transphobic and most of my friends don’t know. I am very comfortable in my skin, although there are days where I wish I were a cis male. I hope one day to be on testosterone and have surgeries, but a lot of communication is going to have to happen with my family first before I can do any of that. I just hope that they can learn to love me as their son as much as they loved me as their daughter.

BY CHARLIE

I’m genderfluid. My genders seem to be Agender, Femme and Masculine. I also have autism, depression and anxiety disorder. I first realize it when I was 30 in the month of Dec. It’s been a hard 2 years. Nobody uses my pronoun, and nobody acts like I came out really.

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BY CHARLOTTE

I’m non-binary (and aroace) but I still use my old name because saint Charlotte has a rad history - I identify as nb since nearly 2 year. finding out that I’m aroace made me question more about who I was and everything. I use they/them.

BY JASPER

To be honest, I’m still figuring myself out. I thought I was cis and straight for most of my life; I only started questioning the latter about two years ago, and the former even more recently. So, this is all very new for me. But I feel like my aro and ace experiences have some bearing on my nonbinary gender identity, almost as if not wanting to be attractive to anyone impacts how I experience myself. Not that gender is inherently tied to attraction, but it can be: I’ve seen posts by people who knew they were sapphic because their attraction to women “felt gay.” But I don’t have that guiding force for figuring out my gender. Maybe I don’t have one. Maybe I’m only comfortable with the pronouns I grew up with because they ’re familiar. Or maybe I’m something like the gender I was assigned at birth, but in a way that disengages from the binary system. I don’t know, and I’m not in a space where I can experiment and push my own boundaries, so what I have is enough for now. It has to be. I’ve described myself, when asked, as “nonbinary and that’s all I know ”; maybe there’s a more specific term I could identify with, maybe there isn’t, but I find myself happy outside the binary. And that’s the important part, I think.

BY T

The first thing I knew about myself when I was coming out was that I was demiromantic.

Then, I realize I didn’t care who the person was, so I found pansexuality to describe that.

At first, I thought that was it, I finally knew who I was. But even though I was more comfortable with who I was, I was getting more uncomfortable with other stuff. But I thought that every queer person was uncomfortable with themselves, because of society and heteronormativity. It took me three years from when I came out as demiromantic to realize I was genderfluid/demigirl too. I realize that not every queer cis girl was uncomfortable with their bodies and hate having breast or curves; that being attracted with a girl didn’t make you hate your bodies. I found out that queer girls loved their bodies and didn’t care that they looked the same as their crushes. When I found out the label, my label, it was comforting to know that I wasn’t the weird one. It all fits now, my demiromantic label, my pansexuality label and my genderfluid label all fit me, they are not independent, they all work together, and I don’t make sense without them three together. Discovering my genderfluid label help me understand my pansexuality that help me understand my demiromanticism. It’s funny how we have names for everything, but it’s just feelings and they make sense to me and the names they don’t matter to me honestly but they help me understand me in a world where names are everything -- just like I understood why I hated my names all this years, because it was too feminine.

BY JEANNOT

As a child growing up in a conservative area of England through the 2000s, I never even knew that transgender individuals existed until I was a teenager. Even then they were people that existed somewhere else. It was never an option for me to not be a girl. There were many offensive misconceptions about transgender and gender-alternative people that were normal to assume and penalise them for. This meant that when I started to question my gender, I was afraid to even hint that I was. People said they were ‘wrong’ and therefore I would be wrong.

Slowly I began to face the fact that I couldn’t run away from the feelings I experienced so I would ask myself questions. I didn’t have to tell anyone, and at least it would be put

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to rest. I remember walking home one day and thinking “well girl doesn’t really fit me.

But I don’t want a penis, so I don’t fit as a boy. Right?” There were no resources for me, and nobody had talked about it positively, or offered their support in LGBTQ+ topics specifically. We didn’t have a support group at my school. So, I had no idea of the cissexism that had been ingrained into my language and way of thinking. It took me about a decade to work it out fully and come to terms with it.

Coming out was strenuous. It happened very slowly. Baby steps. Months apart, but that was necessary. I had to be ready. And I’ve been slowly socially transitioning, waiting for my appointments at an NHS GIC. I am every so often reminded how conservative my area is and can be. The closest trans-specific support group is and hour away by train. I don’t own a car. So, I started setting one up. The newly set up pride parade one town over wasn’t endorsed by the council to have police protection, so many officers volunteered instead. They still had to march on the pavements though. It’s the little things that remind me.

Such as when I was at a family gathering for my Nan’s birthday. I’m out to her and she’s supportive. Even if we’ve never talked about it since I’ve come out, she’s bought me ties and shirts when I’ve asked for them for present giving holidays. Last Christmas I asked for a sleeveless V-neck jumper and some different coloured ties. She couldn’t find a jumper fitting the description, so she only went AND KNIT ONE HERSELF. It fits me well, has patterns and colours I love. It’s perfect. Anyway, some extended family were invited to her birthday bash. The wife of her brother was talking about what it was like in the new house they had moved into. It was lovely to hear about until she indirectly and condescendingly mentioned that here neighbours were a same-sex couple. The look of disgust in her eyes. I was extremely hurt at the time. But now I can’t wait for the day when I turn up having taken testosterone and wearing a skirt with a boyfriend on my arm.

The anticipation my goodness!

BY BLOC

I am closeted in most of my social life, especially at work. It is mostly the disconnect I feel to what other people expect me to be. However, after realizing I am trans I changed my presentation towards a more feminine one, which helps me feeling more like myself.

However, for work I am thinking about what I can wear which is not to obviously feminine to avoid questions about my gender there.

In (romantic) relationships I need to be able to express my authentic self. I cannot be with someone who sees me as male. Being pushed into a male role really triggers dysphoria such that I dissociate from the situation and I am only physically present, but not with my emotions and mind.

Embracing my femininity made more at home with myself. I received comments from friend that I look better and happier than before.

Also, I got involved in local trans communities. This helps me to find to myself and gives me confidence to express myself in public. This may look to most people like crossdressing, but for me it is not. I don’t dress like another gender I dress like myself.

Also, it is a lot less stressful to be there. And I have the opportunity to explore what being grey ace means to me and how dysphoria and my gender play in there. And how I can live physically intimate relationships.

Trans S tories

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QUESTIONS OF THE MONTH

WHAT IS YOUR GENDER?

WHAT PRONOUNS DO YOU PREFER?

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HOW DOES YOUR GENDER IMPACT YOUR EVERYDAY LIFE? I’ve not come out to my family yet, but most of my close friends know about my gender identity. Not having my family know who I am is a bother at times but being able to tell friends and have them know the real me and use my preferred pronouns is a saving grace for me. Overall, though, my gender doesn’t impact my everyday life too greatly at this point.

- Anonymous It would be nice to have legal recognition, for example being able to have one’s gender listed as non-binary on government documents, ID cards, forms etc. It would be even better if this was legally enforced so that everyone had to recognise other gender options than just M/F - Melvin F I spend lots of time viewing myself not as myself, but from the outside, trying to figure out how people perceive me. Accepting myself as a man has led to less anxiety, less internal stress, and a better understanding of myself, but now I spend a lot of time hypervigilant about how I’m seen by others. Is my transness visible enough? Is it TOO visible?

Am I performing masculinity enough? Will it ever be enough? Is it even worth it? It’s an exhausting way to go through the day.

- Andrew Joseph White I have to be constantly aware of how others are seeing me and it brings me a lot of anxiety at the prospect of being misgendered, even after being on T for a year and presenting as ‘male’.

- Anonymous I’m still in the closet, so I have to pretty much keep things very secretive, except around people I know and trust who wouldn’t out me. I find that I also trust certain people more and others less because I don’t know who they may know and I can’t risk being outed, especially professionally and socially.

- Rosendust There are a few different ways that I sometimes notice and sometimes will let pass. Most commonly it affects me because I know that most other people see me in a way that is simply not the reality I live with. Secondly I overhear a lot about nonbinary people in my school, and most of it is negative and I would love to argue on me and my fellow nonbinary peoples behalf, but I can’t risk my mental health getting worse than that situation is already making it. There are also those small instances where a person will say “ladies and gentlemen” and my brain will just add “and me” because I want to be included but, again, I’m not about to stand up and risk negative reactions and the impact that will have on my mental health.

- Anonymous IRL Currently I’m not out to my family so it only depends on how bad my dysphoria is that day and how much that effects my ability to fully concentrate which can of course go on to affect larger things over time which then causes more stress e.g.

- King The majority of people are okay with my being openly trans- -not totally accepting, not outright violent, just okay. As a result, I’ve learned to lean a lot on a few people that I trust very much, and keep most people as acquaintances (because odds are, if I get close to them, their true colors will show and I’ll end up regretting my vulnerability).

- Roger

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People are not used to me in my male dominated science field, so I get discriminatory comments sometimes and occasionally I experience male dominant culture as a professional when they aren’t the only ones in the field. I am also young so men can’t wait to lord information over me. Sometimes people are worried I’ll make a case against them or think I’m stuck up when I’m just listening and thinking without smiling so they are standoffish. Sometimes I feel like in order to build respect I need to ask for it.

- Michaela I’m dfab (designated female at birth) and I present in a more “feminine” way (long hair, don’t bind) and so I’m constantly misgendered (called “ma’am” or “miss” or grouped in with female coworkers) and it’s uncomfortable, but I don’t feel like I live in an area where I’m safe to come out as agender or to ask others to use my preferred pronouns (they/them). It’s hard enough for people to understand binary trans people, so for those of us outside the binary...I feel like we’re misunderstood and even mocked by most of society.

- Southie

HOW DOES YOUR GENDER IMPACT YOUR TIME ONLINE OR IN VIRTUAL COMMUNITIES? It’s not really understood online unless I’m on AVEN. For in person contact, it confuses people however I am to help people understand it more.

- Nina MacFarlane I love to tell those closest to me my identity, as it’s a freeing thing for me to be able to say I’m non-binary and have it ring true to myself.

This in mind, I don’t broadcast it too openly on the internet. But I do enjoy hanging around forums and accounts geared towards and for the LGBTQ+ community and find myself constantly searching out new information about the community that I didn’t know before.

- Anonymous

Chips Christianson 2019

Often online communities can be stereotypical and sexualised, as small statements such as ‘women menstruating’ and others can be quite uncomfortable at times to hear. There is also a constant debate over the validity and truth of my gender, especially as a young person, that is used as political and moral fuel and it makes me feel so small.

- Anonymous It means I see a lot of hate directed towards people who have a gender similar to mine.

There also so much ignorance that people often refuse to amend even when the information that they ’re pretending doesn’t exist has been explained repeatedly - Anonymous Being masculine especially a trans guy makes finding comfortable communities an in-

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teresting challenge. I’m more out online and I’ve actually stumbled into some accepting places by accident. Finding spaces for trans men to talk usually winds up being a hassle for a lot of men. The two main places I can think of is reddits r/ftm, and AVEN. - Anonymous When I was still figuring stuff out I went through a number of labels such agender-flux non-binary male and gender fluid and during this period looking back there may have be a couple of instances where I wasn’t take quite as seriously as I would be now but minus that there really isn’t any different other than I’m kinda stealth so my correct pronouns are actually used and it’s just nice knowing people don’t know and immediately see me as just trans unless I tell them.

- King I am only out online, so I feel as though it is the only place I can really talk and be vocal about my experiences and feelings and thoughts about being non-binary and trans. I like letting myself have fun with and enjoy being non-binary online.

- Elliott It doesn’t affect my time. I may be more expressive online than person to people I am less familiar. But I spend time both online and in person. Online I feel less looked over though and I don’t have to force my conversational pace or facial expressions so that’s always a relief. In person requires a lot more finesse.

- Michaela

WHAT DO YOU WANT PEOPLE TO KNOW ABOUT BEING TRANSGENDER (OR ANY GENDER)?

Who we are is not a choice, I think if more conferences are held on this matter it may open more respect and communities may begin shedding more light on it.

- Nina MacFarlane Stop trying to understand gender incongruence; rather, just accept there are many people who don’t identify themselves with their assigned genders at birth.

- nocomeranimales I think the biggest thing is that no, we aren’t broken or wrong or stupid for not being what someone thinks we should be. Gender, along with sexuality, is something that is personal to you and yourself, and is no one else’s business. As long as you feel comfortable in your own skin, that’s all that matters.

- Anonymous Being non-binary, trans or whatever is not a choice, it’s how you’re made. I was born like this; my earliest memories were about not fitting into the binary. This was in the ‘80s and I hadn’t heard of the terminology non-binary yet. I’m glad gender issues are out in the open now and discussed and debated publicly. There is still a long way to go however!

- Melvin F Being able to realize and accept your gender is like being able to breathe clean air for the first time. It is freedom. Personally, no matter how many struggles I’ve gone through, I’ve never once wished I was cis. My transness is a part of me and it has given me so many wonderful things that I could never turn my back on it. Being trans can help give you a strong, bold understanding of who you are in your heart. Fighting to be yourself helps you learn who you really are. Being transgender is a gift.

- Andrew Joseph White

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I also want people to know that our sexualities are separate from gender identity- just like everybody else so to not group us all into a box created by a stereotype.

- Anonymous That’s it’s not a choice and just because you have certain genitalia doesn’t mean your brain corresponds with what genitalia you were assigned at birth - Anonymous Don’t give up hope, you will be accepted. I know I’m just an online stranger, but I can be a person that listens, and you can rely on.

- Rosendust That it’s complicated and messy and not easy to explain, and we’re just starting to actually have the language to describe it. I need you to trust me when I say that I know what I’m feeling, and I am going to describe it in the way that I see fit. Please just be kind, respectful, and willing to learn.

- Anonymous My gender identity is not my defining feature. I have a personality beyond my gender, and I would appreciate that being acknowledged. Also, using someone’s pronouns and name does not make you incredibly accepting. It just means you have so basic respect for human beings.

- Anonymous It’s interesting. Being transgender caused me to become more forward with myself and others. It’s amazing the confidence change that happens when you find a body that suits your needs once you start making it your own. Getting that however is a whole other story....

- Anonymous Transgender is an adjective. This isn’t just a grammatical point; it’s relevant to the way people perceive and frame transness. I don’t like it when people describe me to someone I’ve never met as “my friend who is trans” Would they say, “my friend who is righthanded” or “my friend who is short?” It comes across like they ’re saying “heads-up, I’m going to be using he/him pronouns, but this person wasn’t born with a penis and I need you to know that.” My transness is important, but it’s far from being the most interesting thing about me. Tell strangers about my hobbies, my skills, my passions, things that matter, before you tell them what my genitals looks like.

- Roger As a cis-woman I simply would like people to not be so hard liner about what gender means and for myself to be as welcoming and positive without making others uncomfortable when I openly recognize theirs and that I always respect someone’s space.

- Michaela That there are people who identify outside the gender binary and that it’s okay. And it’s okay not to be sure how to identify too. Gender is such a personal thing and there’s no rush to identify any particular way. Take the time to figure out you. And if that changes at some point that’s okay too.

- Southie

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AVENUES FACEBOOK POLL We asked our Facebook followers “Do you consider yourself both ace and trans?”

Here is the result!

Follow AVENues on Facebook here: https://www.facebook.com/AVENuesAVEN/ Follow AVEN on Facebook here: https://www.facebook.com/AVENOfficial/

Facebook Poll

13

Chips Christianson 2019

OPEN MIC 14

ALL STORIES WRITTEN BY SH1965

SHORT STORY CORNER

Warning that some stories may contain scenes of violence.

“MONEY TALKS” “Ring, damn you,” he cursed. “Ring!”

Robert Barrington had never been a patient man. It was his only weakness. In fact, it had been his impatience that had caused him to lose out on the Municipal buildings deal to Luigi Dannovetti. That had angered him, but his anger quickly turned to hatred when the expensive private investigator he had hired discovered who Barrington’s wife was screwing around with.

He’d contacted Scarratt immediately; given him two names: Ophelia Barrington and Luigi Dannovetti.

The clock on his desk showed 8:12. Scarratt should have called by now. Barrington picked up the phone to make sure it was still connected, heard the tone, and quickly slammed the receiver back in its cradle.

Ring, damn you.

He stood up, rested his hands across his overhanging paunch, and paced up and down his office. Barrington was used to getting his own way. Buying the private dick had been simple.

Hiring the assassin was, surprisingly, even easier. In this city money talks. And in this city, he was the second wealthiest man.

He glanced at the clock again. 8:23. Make that the wealthiest, he mused to himself, and chuckled.

Scarratt should have killed them by now. So why hadn’t he called? Barrington hated to be kept waiting. He went to the window – a huge pane of glass that filled most of one wall – and gazed out of his penthouse office. Below, everything looked so small between the sprawling skyscrapers.

The cars and the buses and the people, like toy models. But now the city was his. He chuckled again, and his chuckle became a guffaw.

Then a knock at the door caused his joviality to cease. He walked across his office and opened the door. Barrington took one look at the man in a flash white suit and rasped: “I thought I told you never to come here.” He turned his back on Scarratt and paced to the centre of the room. When he turned back, the assassin had taken two steps inside. The door stood wide open.

“Well?” he asked.

“I’m sorry,” Scarratt said, “I was delayed.”

“Nothing wrong, I hope?”

“Oh no, Mr Barrington. Everything’s fine.”

“You paid them a visit, I trust?”

“Indeed, Mr Barrington. Indeed.”

Barrington’s face brightened. He went to the drinks cabinet and poured himself a double scotch.

He didn’t offer Scarratt one. “And you carried out my instructions?”

“No,” Scarratt said. His dark hand reached inside his jacket.

“No? What do you mean, no?”

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“No,” Scarratt repeated calmly and pulled out an automatic. For once in his life Barrington was speechless. “You see, Mr Barrington, for all your wealth, Signor Dannovetti is three times as rich.”

The assassin screwed on the silencer. “And he offered me five times what you’re paying.”

Barrington couldn’t believe it. Beaten twice in a week by Luigi Dannovetti.

“Please,” he begged and dropped to his knees, hands clasped together in a mimicked prayer. “I’ll give you anything … anything at all.”

“Nothing personal, Mr Barrington. Just business. You understand.”

“Please. Have mercy, please.”

“Ciao, Signor Barrington.”

The assassin squeezed the trigger. There was no pain. It happened too fast. The bullet penetrated the centre of his forehead and he slumped forward. “Money talks,” Scarratt muttered, and closed the door on his way out.

“CANVASSING OPINION” On a soft pre-election evening in April 2010, a young woman turned the corner and walked briskly into Sculptures Close. She wore a dark grey suit with matching jacket and knee-length skirt, the narrow party tie worn smartly, the knot tight against the collar of her freshly pressed white shirt.

Her hair was strawberry blonde and tied back in a long ponytail. Her skin tone was fair, her eyes a greyish-green, bright red lipstick neatly applied to her lips. She sported a brightly coloured rosette on her left breast.

Sculptures Close was a cul-de-sac with a mix of two, three and four-bedroom houses giving it a particularly pleasing look. The houses ran alternately – odd numbers on the right-hand side and even numbers on the left. Sculptures Close was important for the local campaign this general election. The majority of residents had placed their X in favour of an opposing candidate at the last election. Canvassing here would help to build up a picture of whether there would be a sufficient swing this time round to win the parliamentary seat for Mid Derbyshire.

The young woman looked at the clipboard she carried in her left hand. Number 1 Sculptures Close. Mr. and Mrs. Brookes, married, both fifty-three. The party had no information on how they had voted last time. Finding out how they would vote on Thursday 6th May was crucial to the local campaign.

She knocked on the front door and almost immediately heard footsteps coming towards her.

The front door opened to reveal a large woman wearing a white blouse and a long black skirt.

“Mrs. Brookes?” she asked politely.

“That’s right.”

“Good evening, Mrs. Brookes. I’m sorry to disturb you this evening but I’m canvassing opinion on the forthcoming general election. Would you mind telling me how you intend to vote?”

Mrs. Brookes looked at the young woman with friendly green eyes, glanced at her rosette, and then looked at her again.

“As you’re so pretty,” she smiled. “I’ll tell you. I voted for your party. My husband and I have already voted by post.”

“And Mr. Brookes?”

“He’s still at work, but I know he voted the same as me.”

“Thank you,” the young woman said. “Thank you for your support.” She began walking down the drive.

“Good luck.”

The young woman stopped for a moment, gave a broad smile, and lifted her hand in a wave.

Mrs. Brookes waved back, grinned, and closed the door.

When she got to the end of the drive, the young woman stopped, placed a tick by the names of Mr. and Mrs. Brookes, and checked the details for the next house. Number 3, Mr. Savage, a gentleman in his mid-sixties, a widower who had lived on his own since his wife’s death. He had been a staunch supporter last time round. If they were going to achieve the necessary swing, the party needed his staunch support again.

She turned into the drive of 3 Sculptures Close and hurried towards the house with a skip and a dance and that same broad smile on her lips.

The young woman pressed the doorbell with the forefinger of her right hand and listened to the muffled chimes. She waited. She didn’t have to wait long.

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The front door opened, and the young woman smiled. Mr Savage wore torn, green knitted sweater and brown slacks. His face was a map of wrinkles, his brown eyes were deep in pouches, and a cigarette jittered between his nicotine stained fingers.

“Mr. Savage?” the young woman asked politely.

“Yeah.”

“Good evening, Mr. Savage. I’m canvassing opinion for the forthcoming general election. Would you mind telling me how you intend to vote?”

Mr. Savage coughed loudly, spraying germs. The broad smile never quivered on the young woman’s lips. She looked into the deep-set eyes of Mr. Savage, saw the retired man’s gaze shift in the direction of her rosette for a moment – or maybe her breasts – before resuming eye contact. “Since you’re wearing the right colour, my dear, I don’t mind telling you at all. I’m going to be voting for your mob.”

“Thank you. Any particular reason why?”

“You know why, my pretty friend, don’t you?” The young woman nodded. “Country ’s in a right mess. Bloody shambles, ain’t it? You know it and I know it. Get the buggers out and let’s have somebody with some fucking common sense running the country for a change.”

“I agree with you wholeheartedly, Mr. Savage.” The young woman extended her right hand.

“Call me Ernie,” Mr. Savage said and shook the young woman’s hand.

“Thank you for your support, Ernie.”

“You’re welcome.” Mr. Savage grinned, displaying two rows of stained and missing teeth.

“I think you’ll have your work cut out for you tonight though, my dear.”

“Your neighbours?”

“My neighbours, yeah. Nice people, most of them, but blind as bats. Can’t see beyond the end of their own noses. Can’t see the bloody mess this country ’s in.” The young woman giggled like a schoolgirl at that. “I’m only telling you what I think, my dear. Advice doesn’t cost owt, does it?”

“It’s about the only thing that doesn’t with this government in power.”

“You can say that again.”

The young woman smiled her broad smile. “Don’t you worry about your neighbours, Mr. Savage. Some of them might surprise you.”

“I doubt it. I know your mob offers the best hope for this country, but they just can’t see it.”

“That’s why I’m here, Ernie.” The young woman’s smile stretched even broader as she raised her hand in a wave.

Mr. Savage closed the door and the young woman walked away. At the end of the drive she stopped and placed a tick against the name of Mr. Savage. She checked the details for the next house. 5 Sculptures Close. Mr. and Mrs. Lewis. A married couple, him thirty-five, her thirty-two. Both voted for the government last time round. Knowing how they intended to vote this year would be important.

She turned into the drive and skipped and danced towards the Lewis house. The young woman rapped on the door with the knuckles of her right hand. She waited. She waited a while longer. Rapped again. “Coming! Coming!” A deep voice boomed out. “Hold your horses!”

The front door opened, and the young woman smiled broadly. Mr. Lewis wore black denim jeans and an unbuttoned grey shirt. He was barefoot.

“Mr. Lewis?” the young woman asked politely.

“Yes.” He checked her out, up and down, his eyes lingering on her breasts.

“Good evening, sir. Sorry to disturb you, but I’m canvassing opinion for the forthcoming general election. Would you mind telling me how you intend to vote?”

“Yes, I would mind.”

“May I assume, then, that you won’t be voting for us?” The young woman’s smile fluttered briefly and she felt a moment’s disharmony.

“That’s correct.”

“May I ask why?”

“None of your damned business.”

The young woman reached inside her jacket pocket and pulled out a pin hammer. Mr. Lewis backed away, his mouth wide open in surprise, blood visibly draining away from his face.

Mr. Lewis tried to close the door but the young woman was too quick for him, blocking it with

S hort S tory C orner

17

her body.

“Who is it honey?” a soft, female voiced called from upstairs.

The young woman swung the pin hammer and struck Mr. Lewis on his temple. She swung the hammer and struck him again, swung and struck again, swung and struck… Mr. Lewis slumped to the floor and the young woman followed him down, straddling his chest, swinging and striking with the hammer, swinging and striking, swinging and striking…

She heard a scream. The young woman looked up to see a blur of motion – sweeping brunette hair, a flowery dressing gown flapping against naked legs – hurrying up the stairs.

“Mrs. Lewis?” The young woman stepped inside the house. “I’m canvassing opinion for the forthcoming election,” she said and hurried up the stairs. *** Later that soft pre-election evening the young woman slipped the pin hammer back inside her jacket pocket, stepped over the body of Mr. Lewis, and closed the front door after her.

She skipped and danced down the drive. The evening was getting darker now, but it was still beautiful. If there were bloodstains on her dark grey suit they wouldn’t show much, not in the twilight of a soft late April evening.

At the end of the drive she stopped and crossed out the names of Mr. and Mrs. Lewis.

She checked the details for the next house. Amanda Carsley. Miss Carsley. Aged twenty-four.

Miss Carsley was renting the property from a Mr. and Mrs. Stow who were living and working abroad on a five-year contract. Miss Amanda Carsley was a crucial voter, according to party information she was a dangerous floater.

Miss Carsley might need some persuading. The young woman began to smile. She reached inside her jacket pocket and caressed the pin hammer. She skipped and danced her way up the drive towards Miss Carsley ’s front door.

“BEACH RAGE” BY SH1965 “You need a break,” they told me after Bill got himself mangled in the machine at work.

“You’re working too hard,” they said. “Take some time off,” they said. “Go to Blackpool and have some fun.”

Fun. That’s a laugh. Call this fun. I’d have had more fun back on the shop floor building car engines and laughing and joking with the lads. It’s hot on the shop floor too, but at least you’re not crammed together like sardines. At least you can move when you want, go and get a drink when you want, and not have to queue for the toilets.

I told the missus we should have gone to Cornwall. “Not so many people in Cornwall,” I said.

But no. Ethel knew best, didn’t she? Everyone she knows has been to Blackpool. “It’s great,” they said. “You’ll have a wonderful time,” they said. And so Ethel had to come. She knew best, and once she’s made up her mind that’s that.

We could have had some peace and quiet in Cornwall though. I’m certain of it. And peace and quiet’s what we both need. Now that the children have flown the nest we could do with some time on our own. Some quality time on our own. We could get to know each other again, see if we could find something in common again.

Ethel had made up her mind though, so we came to Blackpool. “It’ll be fun,” she said.

Only it’s not fun. No fun at all. It’s too hot for one thing, and there’s too many people about for another. Wherever you go you can’t move, you’re either in someone’s face or someone’s in your face all the time. And you can’t even go to sleep in the sun there’s so much noise.

I should never have let Ethel talk me into it.

And what with all this heat, and being squashed up with all these people I don’t even know, it’s driving me crazy. Crazy like that red-hot day in the factory when Bill died.

It’s driving me fucking crazy, I tell you.

I don’t know whether I can survive another five days of this.

Not without killing someone.

S hort S tory C orner

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Painting Gallery CUP PAINTINGS BY BEN8884 All work copyright BenAP

Painting G allery

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MEMBER HIGHLIGHT: NERDPERSON777 -Interview by scarletlatitude

SCARLETLATITUDE: This issue is about transgender things. Can you tell us about your gender?

NERDPERSON777: After a while of being in the community, I’m

not sure if I can really define my gender anymore. At the very least, I’m “not a girl”. I enjoy doing things that are gender coded from both binaries while having as much of a binary male aesthetic as I can make it. I’d say non-binary to be literally not binary, but usually I just tell people transmasculine because of my gender presentation, even if I might act feminine sometimes. I used to try being as masculine as possible to affirm that identity, but I’m more comfortable with myself now so I can enjoy feminine things.

S: What advice would you give to someone who is struggling with their gender identity?

N: Take some time to process your thoughts and feelings about it.

List out the qualities about yourself that you like and don’t like, as disliking your AGAB doesn’t automatically mean you’re the opposite binary. I thought I was, and then I didn’t, so it was confusing until I learned about other genders.

It’s not a journey that you have to go alone. Asking other people, friends, family, knowledgeable online chatrooms, anyone trustable can be helpful. These other people can be a good support system when you need it most. I was personally just lucky that the new friend I made when I was questioning was actually trans, so she knew exactly what to do with a new person to the community like me. As someone who grew up hesitating and waiting, I needed that push to social transition even if I wasn’t ready or I would never have done it at all.

S: What do you wish people knew about gender (or any other orientation)?

N: Gender is a complex thing. It’s more than what genitals one

has or limited to two binaries. Since it is what’s in the mind, it could be practically anything. If someone doesn’t believe in more than two genders or just gay, straight, maybe bi, I would say that such a person doesn’t believe in the possibilities of people-kind.

If all these things didn’t exist, I think it’s equivalent to saying that humans don’t grow, they don’t evolve, and as a race, we never improve anything. I doubt anyone would want to admit that humans are not smart people. Not being open to even the possibilities makes one close-minded.

M ember H ighlight

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S: What is your favorite forum to visit on AVEN? N: I only ever go to Asexual Musings and Rantings or Gender

Discussion. It’s kind of hard to say since I find both identities very important to me.

S: Coke or Pepsi?

N: I’ll just choose Coke on a whim. I grew up with only diet and all sodas then just taste the same to me because of it. Pepsi tastes a little odd to me compared to Coke.

S: Can you recommend a TV show that everyone should watch?

N: I don’t think I can recommend anything when I haven’t watched much of anything in a while.

S: If you could transform into any animal, what would you choose and why?

N: I guess I can be a sloth? I’m really slow.

M ember H ighlight

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ASEXY PUZZLE: GENDER WORD SEARCH

A sexy Puzzle

AFAB

DEMIGENDER

NEUTROIS

AMAB

GENDERFLUID

PANGENDER

ANDROGYNOUS

GENDERQUEER

TRANSGENDER

BIGENDER

GENDERWEIRD

CISGENDER

MAVERIQUE

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CLASSIFIEDS PIECES OF ACE

MERCHANDACE

Pieces of Ace is a podcast broadcast live via YouTube every Sunday 7.30 GMT, and available to watch or listen to via iTunes, Reddit and Stitcher. AVEN users littledib (Robin), TheRealMrGray (Thom) and DreamwalkerSteve (Steve) started the show in July 2015 and have since featured interviews with swankivy, Maaple frontman Stephen Broughton and are one day hoping to have David Jay involved too!

Looking for ace-themed clothing, accessories, flags, bags, home decor, or pretty much anything else? Check out Merchandace - the biggest catalogue of asexual merchandise on the web! Or if you’re a creator and would like to find out more about how to get your ace merch out there, why not get in touch?

The show also includes live phone-ins, a YouTube chatroom, information about meets and live cake-testing, just to conform to the stereotype! There’s also plenty of random stuff too, so if you fancy getting involved then visit piecesoface.com or search on YouTube.

Find all your Pride essentials and much, much more at http://merchandace.com

Do you have an advertisement you would like to add to future issues of AVENues?

Send us the info at newsletter@asexuality.org!

WANT TO HELP WITH FUNDING TOWARDS AVEN’S SERVERS? CHECK OUT THE DONATION PAGE HERE! https://www.gofundme.com/keep-aven039s-servers-running

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Our October / November / December 2019 issue is about split orientations. We are looking for people whose orientations or identities don’t “match”. Are you heterosexual and homoromantic? Or asexual and romantic? Or maybe agender but heteroromantic? We want to hear your stories!

FILL OUT OUR QUESTION OF THE MONTH FORM HERE: https://forms.gle/nSBhK5UQk3J38bCJ7 If you would like to send us a longer piece, email us at avenues.submissions@gmail.com.

REMEMBER,WE ARE ALWAYS LOOKING FOR ARTICLES AND ARTWORK TO ADD TO AVENUES! • To submit creative works, please go here: https://goo.gl/forms/QQqfdfOR69niJFoP2 • All creative works also need to fill out our copyright form here: https://goo.gl/forms/ciEyCwNew5wjuzVg1 • Send us your asexy jokes and puns here: https://goo.gl/forms/Rg4vlY6XZ7c17bNJ3 • You may also send a private message to any of the AVENues staff on AVEN

REMEMBER THAT WE ARE ALWAYS LOOKING FOR MORE PEOPLE TO JOIN OUR TEAM! SEND ONE OF US A MESSAGE ON AVEN FOR MORE INFO!