Volume 43- No. 28
by lyle e davis
Guest Relations Desk, Century Celebrity Cruise: “Hello, Mr. Davis! What can we do for you today?”
“Well, I hate to be a bother, but, well, you see, I’m having a bit of a problem understanding your staff. They are all polite to a fault . . .”Good morning,” “Welcome Aboard,” . . . all very nice.
But there seems to be a problem with communication. So many of your staff are from Columbia, the Ukraine, Russia, Serbia, the Phillipines, Mexico, well . . . let me tell you a story that will demonstrate my problem: Room Service (RS) : 'Morrin. Roon sirbees.' Davis (G) : 'Sorry, I thought I dialed room-service. ' RS : 'Rye .. Roon sirbees . morrin! Jewish to oddor sunteen?' G : 'Uh..yes. I'd like some bacon and eggs.' RS : 'Ow July den?' G : 'What ?' RS : 'Ow July den? ... pryed, boyud, poochd?' G : 'Oh, the eggs! How do I like The Paper - 760.747.7119
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them? Sorry, scrambled please.' RS : 'Ow July dee baykem? Crease?' G : 'Crisp will be fine.' RS : 'Hokay. An sahn toes?' G : 'What?' RS : 'An toes. July sahn toes?' G : “Toes Why on earth would I want toes?’ RS : 'No ? Judo wan sahn toes ?' G : 'I feel really bad about this, but I don't know what 'judo wan sahn toes' means.' RS : 'Toes! toes!....Why jew don juan toes? Ow bow Anglish moppin we bodder?' G : 'English muffin!! I've got it! You were saying Toast.' Fine. Yes, an English muffin will be fine.' RS : 'We bodder?' G : 'No ... just put the bodder on the side.' RS : 'Wad! ?' G : 'I mean butter...just put it on the side.' RS : 'Copy?' G : 'Excuse me?' RS : 'Copy ... tea ... meel ?' G : 'Yes. tea, please, and that's all.' RS : 'One Minnie. Scramah egg, crease baykem, Anglish moppin w bodder on sigh and tea .... rye ?' G : 'Whatever you say.'
RS : 'Tenjewberrymuds. ' G : 'You're very welcome.'
“Well,” sez me, “you can see how difficult it is.”
Guest Relations: “Yes, Mr. Davis. I understand. We have many nationalities represented on our service staff . . . there will be a variety of accents . . . but all have to understand English before they are hired.
Davis: “That they understand English is not at issue; whether they can speak the language seems to be.” Guest Relations Desks: “I shall speak to the staff service desk.” Davis: “'Tenjewberrymuds.”
I’m not sure if the entire cruise industry is out to squeeze every last nickle out of the traveling public or whether we just signed on with a cruise line that has that philosophy wired in. I seem to remember back in the ‘good old days’ that soft drinks were free throughout the ship, that the main dining room had bottles of wine at each table,
compliments of the cruise line, that tours of the bridge were available at no charge. I also seem to recall that service in the main dining room was impeccable. All was in place, and the food was outstanding. Today, I’ve noticed that while the staff is very pleasant and polite, there are serving delays, salt and pepper shakers seem to be missing, follow-up service is lacking, orders are not given to the kitchen as ordered, and that the quality of food has gone down a notch. A sirloin steak I ordered was like eating shoe leather, tough, stringy . . . not at all what I would expect from a first class restaurant, particularly aboard a ‘luxury liner.” It seems a buffet style, serve yourself restaurant is much more pleasant. As a result, we spent most of our time in The Islands Cafe - a buffet restaurant with plenty of variety and tasty food, pleasant, helpful servers . . . and a new wrinkle, a sushi bar! We wound up avoiding the Main Dining Room as there just
“Modern Day Piracy” Continued on Page 2