Volume 45 - No. 37
by lyle e davis
Whimsy is a funny thing. Every so often I get a wee bit whimsical and come up with ideas that are a bit out of the ordinary.
Like headlines and sub heads and story lines I’d like to see. For example:
Obama Travels to Alaska - Views Glaciers
Amazed to Learn they Melt in the Summer Concludes this is evidence of Global Warming and Climate Change
The News Headlines That Weren’t
September 10, 2015
Escondido Mayor Sam Abed Cries “Foul!” Encinitas Mayor Kristin Gaspar is Cuter Then He Is
Political insiders tell The Paper that Abed is fuming. He has spent years acquiring and displaying his wardrobe and is generally regarded as the “Beau Brummel” of Escondido, yet here he is, being upstaged by a beautiful blonde. Worse, he says even incumbent, Supervisor Dave Roberts is cuter than him.
Confidential and sometimes reliable sources confirmed that Hillary has already made contact with Mary’s Wigs, well known Washington, D. C., wiggery and inquired as to patterns and costs for wigs that would cover her bald pate postshaving and post election. If she is not elected, presumably she will retain her hair. And head.
Al Sharpton to Run for President
Al Sharpton, allegedly a pastor of some unknown church, says he has decided, after much prayer, to offer himself up as a candidate for the President.
“I am known as a peacemaker,” he says. “I have been able to adjudicate difference of opinion between poor black folks and the honkie police officers and other honkie city officials over the years.” No word yet from which party he will seek the nomination. Or, for that matter, which The Paper - 760.747.7119
website:www.thecommunitypaper.com
email: thepaper@cox.net
One political wag suggested Sharpton would have a much better chance if he first settled the multi-million dollar debt he owes to the IRS (and for which he has yet to be prosecuted.)
Both Brown and Black Bears Return to North County
Cute creatures when small, not so cute when they grow up.
Momma bears are notorious for eating humans who get to close to their very cute cubs.
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Hillary to Shave Head if Elected
party would accept him as a candidate. The jury is still out. So to speak.
Treat with kindness and respect and don’t try to pet them. Momma Bear does not like that.
Obama to Repaint White House
Democrats seem supportive. Republicans not so much.
The Paper Donates Archives to the Escondido Humane Society
The Paper has donated some 15,000 tons of old issues to the Escondido Humane Society so that they might employ safe and sanitary and sustainable materials for clean-up duties and puppy training.
The issues, dating from March 11, 1999 to the current date had simply been taking up space and the editor and publisher felt they should be put to good use.
A tearful spokesman for the Society, Lurlean LaFouche, said, “we get so frustrated. Our staffers enjoy the back issues of The Paper so much and read the articles, chuckles, and columns . . . well, the puppies just wind up peeing on the floor.”
Pope Francis Offers Special Deal on Sainthood
Wants to Celebrate Unity with Mexico - Proposed Color Scheme - Yellow and Purple
In his continuing effort to act as “The People’s Pope,” his Excellency, Pope Francis, has arranged for Sainthoods to be readily available for a simple donation of $10,000 to the Mother Church. Posthumous Sainthoods are also available for $20,000.
In what is described by political insiders as a masterful diplomatic stroke, President Barack Obama has signed an Executive Order providing for the immediate repainting of the White House with the colors of Yellow and Purple. He says this will surely enhance close working relationships with Mexico and her people.
Outstanding Catholics, elevated to the rank of saint, are chosen due to goodness, love of fellows and loyalty to the Vatican. And the ability to pay $10,000.
The higher price for posthu-
Headlines That Weren’t Continued on Page 2