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25April 2017
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Warning lights for marriages
On average four out of ten married couples don’t make it to their ten year wedding anniversary. This is according to the latest stats released in May 2018 by STATS SA. In 2017 there was a slight increase in marriages with 139 512 couples that got married. Sadly, the divorce rate also rose by 0.3 %, with 25 390 divorces during this period. Like the previous year, more women than men filed for a divorce. Also, like the previous year, the average man got divorced at 44-years-old and the average woman at 40-years-old. The average lifespan of marriages for 26.9% of those who got divorced was between five and nine years, which is also the same as the previous year. Children are the collateral damage of divorce. In 2016, 55% of divorces affected children under 18-years-old, whereas 14 121 (55.6%) of divorces in 2017 affected children under 18-years-old. The shocking divorce rates aren’t limited to South Africa. Every thirteen seconds, a married couple in America gets divorced, which works out to around 2.5 million divorces each year. Approximately 50% of all marriages in the USA end in divorce. An average of 41% of first-time marriages, 60% of second marriages, and 73% of third-time marriages disintegrate. While there was only a slight decrease in marriages since 2015 (when there was a total of 138 627 marriages), one can not
ignore the decreasing numbers since 2014. In 2014, 150 852 people got married. Twenty years ago, 5% of couples lived together and 14% were married. Many of the unwed couples who live together become parents and 50% chance of an unplanned child being born from a couple who lives together but isn’t married. According to a Pew Research study, more than one of every two children whose parents live together without being married will see their parents break up by the age of nine years old. This is compared to one out of every five children who are born from married parents. Statistics show that about 60% of all couples living together will end up getting married. Those who lived together before they got married, however, have a 40% higher chance of getting divorced! An average of 43% of children will grow up without a father figure. So why do we get divorced? The top five reasons for divorce are cited as follows: a
lack of support (73%), too much conflict (56%), unfaithfulness (55%), married too young (46%) and unrealistic expectations (45%). Some couples cited more as one of these reasons that led to divorce. South African lawyers and experts have their own opinions, but conclude that the main reasons for divorce include the following: f inancial conflict, modern society’s consumerist mentality, a low threshold for discomfort, a decrease in stigmas that compel people to work on their marriages, a confusion of roles within the marriage and unrealistic expectations. Regardless of the reasons, marriages are threatened by divorce and the tendency to live together before marriage. The effect of divorce is also underestimated, as it is one of the most stressful experiences you can have. A new study titled Divorce and Death showed that broken marriages kill people as quickly as cigarettes. Your chance of dying is 23% higher if you are divorced!
Wilmé Steenekamp, clinical psychologist and sexologist, advises couples to adjust their behaviour and hold onto what works. “We know that healthy, intimate relationships are the best for adults and children. We need to learn how to accommodate others and make changes where necessary. Negotiate with each other to meet one another’s needs. Plan to build on your relationship.” Liezel van der Merwe, founder of SA Marriage Week, www.inntiem.co.za and Marriage Capsule, says: “Married couples that don’t act preventatively, run the risk of getting caught by surprise when it comes to the demands of marriage. This is why SA Marriage Week (from 1 – 7 September) is crucially important. It’s one week per year where you prioritise your marriage in your diary and work on this precious relationship – in a fun way and without pressure – before you have to reach out for help.” This year’s Marriage Week SA theme was: “Making sense of my, your and our life together.” Liezel explains that they want to encourage couples to understand each other better to communicate better and minimise conflict. “They gave couples the Marriage Capsule LOFS temperament test during Marriage Week. This is used to decipher each other’s temperaments and determine how to make the various temperaments work together well.” Those who have been through a divorce know that marriage isn’t easy and that divorce isn’t for sissies. This is why you need to do what you can to avoid becoming a statistic. Each year you can register for SA Marriage Week for free on samarriageweek.co.za. You can also learn more about the LOFS temperament test. For more information about SA Marriage Week, contact the team on 012 347 7530 or send an email to info@samarriageweek.co.za. Follow SA Marriage Week on social media at: www.facebook.com/samarriageweek or Twitter www.twitter.com/samarriageweek.