BACK MAGAZINE ISSUE #1

BACK

the

growing up issue

SPRING/ SUMMER 2015 ISSUE #1 cover photographed by Ashley Armitage

SUBMITTERS Ashley Armitage

Olivia Froot

Farisha Patel

Luna Van Schadewijk

Seiyeon Park

Mary L. J. Martine Velasco

Caroline Wong

Jetske

Denise Marcelo

Sara Ho

Honey Forestier

CONTRIBUTORS Tianna Alexandre Martine Velasco Tai Cruz

Sarah Lynn Sena Kim Honey Forestier Sara Ho

Amanda Kamal

editor's note Hello and welcome to the first issue of Back Magazine!

First of all, thank you for reading our first ever issue. I know there are tons of similar magazines out there, which is why you reading this magazine now means a lot to us!

Thank you to everyone who voluntereed to be a part of the editorial team and also thank you to the contributors and submitters for their lovely work! This magazine wouldn’t have existed without them. Sena for giving me opinions on the cover, page backgrounds and layout design and also the people who didn’t laugh at my crazy idea of starting a magazine from stratch, literally.

This issue might not be the best of the best, but it will, WILL, get better with each issue published.

We just had a lack of submissions for this issue, that’s all.

Anyway, I’m very excited to share with you what our lovely submitters and contributors (and the team!) have in store for you now and in the near future! I hope you enjoy this issue as much as I enjoyed making it! Please submit your work in and look forward to the next issue ;-)

Kaitlyn Yong Founder and Editor-in-Chief

6-9 NEW DISCOVERIES Photography Ashley Armitage 12-15 MARIA’S JOURNAL Mary L. J. 16 - 17 ON HAPPINESS AND INDIGO NIGHTS Text Olivia Froot 18 - 19 PRETTY IN PINK Photography Farisha Patel 20 - 25 INTERVIEW: MARTINE VELASCO Fashion blogger Martine Velasco shares her drawing tips and her current fave items 26 - 31 BLUE WITHOUT YOU Photography Caroline Wong 32 - 35 BALCONY NIGHTS Photography Luna Van Schadewijk 36 - 43 COLLAGES BY JETSKE 44 - 47 JULY Photography Martine Velasco

36 - 43 COLLAGES BY JETSKE 44 - 47 JULY Photography Martine Velasco 48 - 49 NEED A HELPING HAND? Text Denise Marcelo 50 - 51 ‘DROWNING’ Art Seiyeon Park 52 - 32 FOUR WORDS THAT CHANGED EVERYTHING Text Tianna Alexandre 54 - 55 ME, MYSELF & I Text Sara Ho 56 - 65 INTERVIEW: HONEY FORESTIER Art student from France- now in NYC shares her creative process and what inspires her art

NEW DISCOVERIES

photography Ashley Armitage

MARIA’S JOURNAL

by Mary L.J.

Love in Stereo - Sky Ferreira Rich Youth- Hayley Kiyoko Wild- Troye Sivan Flowers - Raye L.A.F- Broods Deadwater- Wet Just Desserts - Marina & The Diamonds & Charlie XCX

ABOUT MARIA:

- 19 - from Germany -Zodiac sign: Leo -VEGAN!!

-Feminist -Love movies, music and fashion from the 80’s and 90’s

INSTAGRAM: @KOOLAID.KOALA

ON HAPPINESS AND INDIGO NIGHTS TEXT OLIVIA FERRUCCI

You don’t know the impact of your words- the hidden meanings, hushed flames singing my skin. My love is not a light switch. I’m not a file you can store away, a voicemail preserved in the hollows of your memory. Your words slice so deep into me, I know the thick scars will never heal. The intricate flaws tracing up and down my body are not yours to view from a throne of perfect isolation. You are no king, but a mere locksmith. When my eyes remained frozen on my plate for eleven minutes, sad salt spilling into my lap, it never occurred once to you that I have a limit.

We have more lines than the age etched into our skins, the bar codes of our credit cards. When you throw the first punch and expect me to remain still, the heat in my lungs flares until all I see is the flickering in your irises. My line comes when you dig your nails into my skin, shouting sloppy words about my lack of worth and how the only thing I am capable of creating is trouble.

When the heat fills my lungs, do not expect me to smile at your yellow joy. Do not expect me to cry at your indigo melancholy.

I am too busy breathing air. In, out. In, out. In, out until the air leaves me empty, devoid of the hungry angels lurking in my throat. The thought of you tossing me to the curb leaves me breathless yet it’s consuming me.

S

Don’t tell me I’m sensitive because I feel the prick of the needle when you shoot arrows at the clouds of my dreams. My friends keep telling me to be happy. I cannot speak with a mouth full of venom and a heart of bittersweet honey. These nights keep coming, more and more frequent. I am sick of dark violet caressing me in the light of my bedroom, clutching me, strangling me. I am confined without confrontation, sitting in a swimming pool that is being drained. Everything is too temporary. The night I etched your words into my memory like a well-rehearsed monologue you left me for another without even changing the tides. My mind is a war-torn manifestation of good and evil, self-loathing and love. When did the air turn from pristine blue to blunt hands dragging me under.r?

pretty in pink

by Farisha Patel

MARTINE VELASCO Fashion blogger, artist

tiny-muse.blogspot.com

Q: Hello Martine! Let's start off with the basics: Where are you from and what do you do?

M: I'm from the Philippines, and I kind of do a lot of things: blogging, styling, photography and art mainly.

Q: In what style/method of art do you feel most comfortable?

M: I feel most comfortable in my own style of art.

I'm not really sure how to describe it; it's kind of realistic in that I do proper proportions and shading and all that, but I find that its also been influenced by my earlier stints in illustration, anime and graphic design.

Q: What is your preferred art medium?

M: I really like pencils and acrylic paints right now!

Which is funny, because I used to hate acrylics for a really long time, haha.

Q: What got you into blogging?

M: I was introduced to Tumblr a few years ago by a friend, so I started blogging on there. I liked it because it was fuss-free and easy to curate your own space, but also a good platform to meet people and promote your own work. I then transitioned to Blogspot and created Tiny Muse last year because I was looking for a more organized way to show my work/online diary, and people liked it when I'd post pictures of what I wear so I wanted a space to explore that too.

Q: What got you into fashion styling?

M: I actually never considered going into styling until a friend asked me to style some shoots and things for her shop! I really enjoyed it and I already knew I liked being part of the photo-making process, so I thought 'Why not give this a try?'.

Q: What's the hardest thing about growing up?

M: Finding out who you are as a person, and realizing that this comes with discovering the bad in you as well as the good. And learning to believe in yourself, too.

Q: 5 favourite things in your room right now?

M: This really soft pink blanket I have from Brookston my little balcony studio area, my fridge (where I store all my snacks hahah), my collection of fashion books/magazines and my photo wall, which has pretty much every film photo I've taken since 2010 on it.

Q: 5 favourite fashion items?

M: I'm super obsessed with a pair of wide-legged jeans I got from Nasty Gal a few weeks ago! But generally speaking, 5 things you'll always find in my closet are crop tops, leotards, denim bottoms like cut offs and jeans, chunky knits and funky sunglasses - I've become something of a sunglasses hoarder recently!

Q: Who is your favourite artist?

M: I'm not sure I have one actually! A lot of contemporary artists influence me in different ways, but I don't think I can pinpoint just one. I'd say I'm more into the newer, young artist generation than the 'greats' of the art world.

Q: What would you tell your younger self?

M: Power through, because you're going to be better than fine.

Q: Best piece of advice you've ever been given?

M: Just to work hard. It's cliche, but it's true when they say that nothing in life comes easy. Hard work = results, in any area or aspect of life.

Q: Give us some tips on drawing!

M: Practice all the time! Like any other skill, it takes constant practice. I would also recommend looking into anatomy tutorials, especially if you like doing portraits, just so you can learn how to do useful things like facial proportions.

Q: Give the readers a piece of advice!

M: Stay true to yourself! I find this to be so, so important, especially in fashion and careers where you have to do personal branding. Don't be afraid to step away from the herd and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

interview by Kaitlyn Yong

blue without you creative direction + photography Caroline Wong

models: Mori Cross, Rosie Chen

BALCONY NIGHTS

photography Luna Schadewijk

photos taken by Luna while having a sleepover with her friend on a balcony!

Luna Schadewijk, 17 What do you want to be?

- I’d love to be an illustrator/ photographer/ professional blogger.

What would you tell to your younger self?

- Not to worry about being ‘cool’ or antything.

What was the hardest thing about growing up?

-I used to worry A LOT, (like, A LOT), that was hard. I feel way better now :-) Who do you look up to?

-Any good artists, bloggers and photographers.

COLLAGES BY JETSKE

“I’m Jetske, a 17 year old girl, suffering through her last year of high school, waiting to go to art school...

To me, growing up is figuring yourself out, questioning yourself and the people around you.

At least, that’s what I do. Especially when I’m creating. I hope to never stop growing up.”

JULY

Styling Martine Velasco Photography Martine Velasco

NEED A HELPING HAND? text DENISE MARCELO

Over the last few months, my vision has been clouded by an ever-expanding fog.

Navigating the dreary halls of high school had become tricky, and I felt that I’d lost my footing in the social ladder I previously stood on top of. It was a position I loved, but in the course of my shortlived reign as one of high school’s many queens, I lost my authentic self to promises of popularity.

It satisfied my shallowness, but it didn’t make me happy. Gradually, I became discontented with the soullessness I was strapped to, and I started slipping off the hierarchy. So there I was, ego deflated sufficiently to descend from the clouds, totally lost as to where to begin the search for what I really want, and who I really am. Who would’ve thought that I had strayed so far away from myself, that I’d end up walking towards the guidance counselor’s office?

I knew I had hit the lowest of my lows. Honestly, I didn’t know if I went to avoid sitting alone at the cafeteria, to compensate for the vacant seat on my lunch table, or if I sincerely came to seek understanding for the debilitating sadness I was feeling. Possibly all three, but one intention heavier than the others?

It seemed as though loneliness had been my constant companion since my fall from grace. I would’ve taken anyone in, anyone who wouldn’t unconsciously aggravate the increasing heaviness of having no one to help carry my burdens. Anyone who could empathize, anyone who could listen and not jump to the conclusion that I fit the Tumblr description of mentally, emotionally, and psychologically unstable.

Desperation knocked on the door thrice before the guidance counselor’s warm smile invited me inside. Initially, I felt extremely uncomfortable at the idea of opening up, like an ancient book to a curious reader, when even with my peers, I refrained from saying anything that could trigger an onslaught of “are you okay?” inquisitions. I guess that she sensed my apparent nervousness as well, since she began by asking the less personal questions. Or is it standard protocol, to build up the intensity of the evaluation, beginning from shallow to deep?

Anyway, whatever strategy it is guidance counselors use to evoke honesty from the troubled, it works! She asked me the question I’ve been struggling to answer since my fall from grace, “What are you going to do?”

Answering that one, impersonal question already generated a slew of thoughts crossing over each other, and words tripping on my tongue. I was just as clueless as she was, not knowing the answer to the very thing that was puzzling me. What was I going to do? I’d been walking blind, how could I even know for certain what direction I would head to in the course of my life? Be honest, be honest, I urged myself. It satisfied neither of us, but I said I didn’t know. Now, I won’t delve into the details of my heart’s unadulterated confession, but I learned a valuable lesson at the end of our session: I was feeling this way because I refused help, in fear of tearing down the fortress I built for myself.

The people weren’t the problem, but my inability to express my emotions. Had I been frank with not only others, but also myself, I could’ve avoided walking around with a storm cloud over my head.

High school is definitely a mixed bag, from the failed grades I’ve stashed and crumpled on the bottom of my backpack to the true friends I’ve tried to discern among the crowd. Denying help from my peers along in the name of being strong crippled my resilience. It’s impossible to maintain a healthy outlook and mindset when you let problems in and shut guidance out; remember, while it takes courage to lend a helping hand, it takes unfiltered honesty to accept one, which is the greatest courage of all. Growing up in your formative years doesn’t have to be defined by blood, sweat, and tears, but by the triumphant rewards you reap from conquering the turbulence.

photo by Martine Velasco

SEIYEON PARK Artwork Title: Drowning Description: What I found that others were often oblivious to was the fact that even those who were in favorable or prosperous surroundings could be depressed, for their own reasons. Just because they "had it all" didn't mean that they had no reason to feel sorrowful or dejected, that sometimes it was just internal. Thus, in this piece, I attempted to depict such a situation, where the background is bright and full of colour, yet the subject cringes and hides, wanting to ignore the choking hands that only they could see.

What’s the hardest thing about growing up?

The hardest thing about growing up is that for the majority of your life, you've lived under the care of a parent or guardian, and consequently, under their influence. At the same time, you desire to find an original and unique sense of self, when media, school, and family have all tried to sculpt you to their coveted mold. The hardest thing is trying to break free and cast aside all those molds, and grow and bloom into your own abstract form.

Best piece of advice you’ve ever been given?

Don't ask a person why they did something, instead ask how they pushed through until this moment. I've had several friends and family members who struggled with depression or addictions, and through each experience I learned that when trying to support someone who was wrestling with themselves internally, it was crucial not to stress on their failures, but enlighten them of their strengths, and what they were capable of.

Advice you would give to anyone your age?

Yes, people will always criticize. Yes, people will always point, and stare, and whisper. However, it's crucial that you learn to numb yourself to such harsh words and mean comments, because in the end, it'll impossible to please everyone around you. There will always be at least one person who is dissatisfied with you and your actions. So learn to let the wind carry up the hurt and worry up into the air, gone forever. Only listen to criticisms when they are meant to be constructive, and not destructive.

What do you want to be when you grow up?

I want to be a journalist, a photographer, or an artist, because I think that it is through forms of writing and art that people have the power to enlighten the world of all the wrongs and misdeeds that they or others have been treated to. It's these people who may inspire movements, lighting the spark to start an inferno that burns all evil and greed.

Finish this sentence: Growing up is… a convoluted path, but in the end, spectacular and rewarding.

FOUR WORDS THAT CHANGED EVERYTHING TEXT TIANNA ALEXANDRE

They were done. She knew that much. What she hadn’t accounted for was all the pain, sadness, and anguish that came along with it. He had walked out of her life with no more than a “Have a nice life” thrown her way.

10 years of friendship is what they had, it’s what she cherished with all of her being.

Confusion came first. Why had it ended this way? Could anything have been done to prevent this from happening? Is this really how we part ways? All these questions flooded into her mind, why this was happening was unclear to her.

Everything seemed to be going fine; except for the occasional text message. This became their routine.

She would cave first and break the silence. A quick message asking how he was doing. That would be the preamble. It seemed as if he was waiting for her to make the first move because his response would come almost instantly.

Maybe she wasn’t important enough for him to ever break first. She was always his back-up plan. When one of the more important people in his life couldn’t deal with him, he would turn to her. She was always the one the dropped (almost) everything to make time for him. That’s what friends do, right? What about symbiosis?

It was supposed to be two individuals living in close association, typically to the advantage of both. What happened to the mutual beneficial relationship between two people? What happened to give and take?

She would give and give and give but what did she get in return? Sure, she had someone she could count on and trust with anything she felt the need to, but that was only on occasion. She was the one that would stay up at ungodly hours into the night to talk. She would miss out on precious beauty sleep so she could be the greatest friend she could be. In hindsight, she wanted to be the one he came to whenever he needed reassuring. It didn’t matter what he wanted to say, what time it was, or what she was doing. She always made time for him.

Those rare times where she needed a shoulder to cry on, he was there. He was great at making her smile.

He was goofy and cared about her. That’s what mattered most. That’s why she bypassed all the wrongs that he committed. He was her rock. He kept her grounded. He was important.

He was a person of candour. He spoke his mind and wasn’t worried of what she would think of him. They could be themselves with each other. Where she was shy around other people, with him, she was outgoing and friendly. He kept her smiling, no matter what mood he was in.

Their friendship was important to her. It meant the world to her when he would make the effort to come see her. When he wouldn’t make plans with his family for the short time that he was in town. Those were special times. They wouldn’t do much, but the time that they got to spend together was what mattered. Having lunch consisted of McDonald’s and/or Tim Hortons. They didn’t need fancy. Just having the other as company was enough. He was enough.

She thought she was too.

This is where the insecurities began. Uncertainty. Wondering whether or not she was good enough for him.

Was she not there for him enough? Did she not miss out on countless hours of precious sleep for him? Was her constant support and encouragement not enough?

photo Ashley Armitage

Maybe not.

Being someone’s second choice isn’t fun. It’s upsetting; knowing that someone else came to mind before you did. It’s not great. Knowing that the first person couldn’t make time, so he came to her. Sure, it was nice getting the opportunity to be with him, but there was still that unsetting feeling deep down. Why wasn’t she his first choice? Was he just settling for her because there was no one else he could spend time with?

Why is it that he has to settle?

She didn’t enjoy being his second choice. She didn’t like being his back up plan. She doesn’t think that she likes being his best friend. What does that even mean? He always cancelled the plans they made.

Why bother even making plans with her? He shouldn’t have only talked to her when he was bored. He shouldn’t have message her when he needed help with something. He shouldn’t have just relied on her when he had no one else to turn to.

She shouldn’t have been the only one that he relied on. There had to be other people.

Over a decade of friendship; That’s what was ruined. There were laughter, tears, hugs, pouts, arguments, and disagreements but they always made up. They always forgave. That July day that everything changed, he didn’t give her the chance to explain things. He made up his mind and ran. He ran away from their friendship completely. “Have a nice life”, those four words are what ended everything. Why tell someone to have a nice life and then never speak to them again? How can you simply just forget about someone who has been a part of your life so long?

How could you?

photo by Martine Velasco

ME, MYSELF & I

by Sara Ho

I am special, I am weird, Detest me, I will prove you wrong.

I am sensitive, lery, I am a human, who has feelings.

The fluid that flows through my heart Are my tears, Why must I be the one Despised by my peers?

Why is my heart bleeding, When I tell myself to stay strong?

My tears, falling, along the rhythm of the song.

Call me weird, Your words don’t seem wise As your minds bleared, And the whole world went blind.

I am special, I am weird, Staying as me, myself and I, The world is so much lovelier.

Honey Forestier Artist

honeyes.tumblr.com

interview by Sarah Lynn and Kaitlyn Yong

Q: Hey Honey! Let's start off with some basics, where are you from and what do you do?

H: I moved from Paris to New York last January, and I'm now already started my second year at SVA as a Fine Arts student. I'm originally from Rouen in Normandie and then spent 4 years studying in Paris.

Q: What motivated you to move to NYC? H: I studied fashion design for 2 years in Paris in la Chambre Syndicale de la Couture Parisienne before I realized I had no real desire to pursue a career in that field. Too restrictive for me, and at 18 the art world scared me a little, it looked untouchable so that's how I ended up in fashion, and all I wanted Q: In what style/ method of art do you feel most to do was to create my own work from A to Z going comfortable? back to my first passion: drawing. So I took a year H: I love drawing and painting. I usually draw with off applying for schools in the US, working as a freereally sharped pencils for details and oil for paintings. lance photographer for a small fashion brand and working on my portfolio in the meantime. Everything Q: What is your preferred art medium? was making sense again. That's also the moment I H: I love oil right now, it's my main interest. To get decided to share my stuff on Instagram and it took better with it and experiment. off pretty fast. And when I got accepted in NYC I knew immediately I had to come back (I worked here Q: Do you tend to follow the rules in your art, or 3 months as an intern in 2013). The vibe is awesome rebel against traditional principles? and especially for art.

H: I'm not sure about that. I produce, I try things that I like and then the result might be called art but at the Q: Difference between living in France and NYC? end I have to enjoy doing it that's all. I guess I don't H: I love when I come back to France and realize what feel the need to talk about the result for hours, and I've missed and what I could let go of. France is more that in a way is different from other art interested pittoresque, different charm walking in the streets, people. Don't get me wrong, I love to talk about more intimate. But I do love how everything feels art. But I feel like there are things that cannot be possible here in the USA, I think that's the biggest discussed. It's a matter of taste and envy at a certain difference between the two. In France, everyone moment of your life, it doesn't matter. would tell you "No, you can't do that/ try that, I warned you." when here it's the extreme opposite, Q: What inspires your art? there's no limit to your ideas.

H: I'm pretty driven, now that I chose this path to become an artist. I feel inspired by it everyday. There’s Q: 5 favourite things in your room right now? so much I wanna do and so many possibilities. That's H: - my guitar what excites and inspires me the most. But then of - my summer hat course my main subject is people, and portraits: - my lights lamps on the wall especially girls, I guess it's a reflection of myself.

- my view of the building by the window - my big white mirror Q: What is a common subject/ pattern in your art?

H: Girls, details and hands Q: Who is your favourite artist?

Q: What's the hardest thing about growing up?

H: All I can say to that is that I have a few major H: Growing up was scary for me. I was so scared to inspirations: Elizabeth Peyton, Lucian Freud, David pass by my dreams and forget myself. But I realize Hockney, Monet. now that if you don't stress it and do what you want, there's nothing to be worried about, you're still you Q: What’s your creative process? but you can do whatever an adult can do which is H: I don’t really have one, I only sit at my desk and open a sketchbook and find ideas or write down pretty cool. the ones I had during the day. I usually get so excited about my ideas that I would do it right away.

Q: Which is your favourite museum in NYC? H: The MoMa is my favorite one. They got such a beautiful collection of paintings. I could spend hours. Q: Give the readers a piece of advice!

H: Don’t forget yourself listening to anyone else And cools show always come up. ideas, everyone is rotating in such different satellites in their lifes, you’ve got the answers to what Q: What would you tell your younger self? you want deep down so you just have to trust H: “Don’t worry, I got it.” yourself and do it.

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