2013.04.25

Mifflin, Priuses and Revelry

The Herald’s staff writers speak out on what could be a disjointed May 4 in Madison. OPINION | 5

THE UNIVERSITY OF WISCONSIN’S INDEPENDENT STUDENT NEWSPAPER SINCE 1969

THURSDAY, APRIL 25, 2013

Terrace opens for spring As more normal spring weather approaches, the University of Wisconsin Union Terrace is now open to the public and will soon regain its campus hotspot title for drinking beer and enjoying live music.

Photo by Andy Fate

Volume XLIV, Issue 113

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Walker calls for 2-year tuition freeze Madeleine Behr Reporter Gov. Scott Walker is now calling for the Legislature to freeze tuition for a twoyear period at all system schools after legislators discovered millions of dollars in University of Wisconsin System reserve funds.

Contrary to Walker’s proposal for a tuition freeze,

UW System President Kevin Reilly asked last week for a 2 percent increase in tuition in the next two years, after larger tuition increases that have occurred since 2007.

State legislators and students expressed anger toward the 2 percent tuition increase after an independent memo from the Legislative Fiscal Bureau revealed the system holds $648 million in

its cash reserves.

Tom Evenson, a spokesperson for Walker, said the UW System has raised tuition by 5.5 percent every year since 2007, and a tuition freeze is necessary to give middle-class families help in paying the cost of higher education.

High tuition is often necessary to have a great public university, Clifton

Conrad, UW professor of higher education, said.

“Part of the cost is that we want a great university, and that means the tuition will be a little bit higher,” Conrad said. “There are going to be some tradeoffs.”

Mike Mikalsen, spokesperson for Rep. Stephen Nass, R-Whitewater, said tuition increase proposals are out of line

for Reilly and UW System because of the current economic climate.

Mikalsen said Nass, who also serves as chair of the Assembly Committee on Colleges and Universities, proposed a four-year tuition freeze and is hoping Walker will increase his initiative from two to four years as well.

He added, however, that Nass is generally satisfied with

Walker’s proposal. “[A tuition freeze] sends a message to people that we get it, the elected officials finally get that middle-class families are overstressed,” Mikalsen said.

In addition to his proposal for a four-year tuition freeze, Nass has called for Reilly to resign or be fired as president

WALKER, page 3

Senate disputes Milwaukee County Board bill overhaul Proposal would cut budget, staff in half; may reduce board salaries 20 percent Noah Goetzel State Politics Editor

Andy Fate The Badger Herald

Local establishments fear food carts that operate late at night near their restaurants take away from their business.

The carts located around Pita Pit and Silvermine Subs will now have fewer spaces to park during hours of operation.

Committee comes to food cart compromise Restaurants come to agreement with vendors that limits parking spaces Allie Johnson City Life Editor Late night food carts may soon have fewer places to park after a city committee unanimously voted to approve a compromise between vendors and restaurant owners at a meeting Wednesday.

The Vending Oversight Committee gave final approval to a city ordinance amendment that would eliminate several parking spaces in front of the restaurants Asian Kitchen and Pita Pit on the 400 block of Broom Street. The compromise

was designed to reduce tensions between the owners of the restaurants and the food cart vendors after restaurants complained that vendors parked in front of the establishments were harming their late-night business.

The compromise was temporarily approved at their previous meeting in March, but could not be officially approved until the map detailing exactly where vendors could park was finalized.

Ald. Mike Verveer, District 4, said the amendment changed the perimeter of latenight vending on Broom Street to eliminate the parking spaces in front of businesses on the west side of the street, including Asian Kitchen and Pita Pit. The perimeter still allows

vendors to park on the east side of the street, as well as in the loading zone of Riley’s Wines of the World, he said.

The remaining 10 parking spaces will be on a first-come, firstserved basis, according to Verveer.

Steve Lawrence, owner of Fried and Fabulous, sets up his food cart in the affected perimeter. He said while the amendment was not perfect, he is satisfied with the outcome of the meeting.

“I think this is a balanced approach that directly responds to the complaints brought up by restaurants while allowing food carts to remain in business,” Lawrence said.

“My one drawing line in the sand has always been that food carts go

FOOD CART, page 2

State lawmakers, Milwaukee County Board supervisors and concerned county residents continued a heated debate on a bill designed to restructure the board at a public Senate committee hearing Wednesday.

During the hearing of the Senate’s Committee on Elections and Urban Affairs, disputes on the Milwaukee County Board’s budget, oversight, supervisor salaries and clarification of legislative and administrative roles resurfaced. Arguments turned personal when Milwaukee County

Supervisor Deanna Alexander, District 18, brought up the board’s recently uncovered prohibited labor union negotiations, while Sen. Tim Carpenter, D-Milwaukee, criticized Milwaukee County Executive Chris Abele’s inability to get along with board members.

The bill, introduced by Sen. Alberta Darling, R– River Hills, cuts board funding by two-thirds, reallocates board authority to the county executive and potentially halves the salary of supervisors.

Neither Sen. Mark Miller, D-Monona, and Sen. Lena Taylor, D-Milwaukee, nor board supervisors could agree on whether to support a contentious Assembly bill’s Senate equivalent.

The overhaul proposal endorsed nearly unanimously by Milwaukee Board supervisors cuts the body’s budget and

staff in half while allowing Milwaukee residents the option to restrict the salaries of supervisors by 20 percent in a referendum vote next April.

Additionally, the board’s overhaul would require mandatory trainings every two years on the responsibilities of county governance.

Milwaukee County Board Chair Marina Dimitrijevic said the board’s overhaul passed at the committee level Monday and said the whole board will pass it Thursday.

Rep. Joe Sanfelippo, R– West Allis, said he remains hesitant about the board’s desired changes to the bill he and Darling are cosponsoring.

“We have to question the sincerity of an effort that is put out in the 11th hour when all other hope is lost in derailing and putting this bill to death,” Sanfelippo said.

BOARD, page 2

Crime down 3.4 INSIDE percent in 2012 Bennet Goldstein Reporter Statistics released by the Madison Police Department Wednesday indicated a decrease in the overall level of crime throughout the city for 2012.

Chief Noble Wray released updated statistics of crime in the city on his blog and reported a 3.4 percent decrease in crime incidents from 2011 to 2012. Specifically, the number of robberies, homicides and fraud

© 2013 BADGER HERALD

decreased last year, the post said.

While some types of crime decreased, incidents of property damage, burglary, aggravated assault and forcible sexual offenses increased from their 2011 levels, the blog post said.

The number of property damages increased by 8.5 percent, burglary by 10.3 percent, aggravated sexual assault by 18.5 percent and forcible sexual offenses by 23.9 percent, the post said.

Ald. Mike Verveer,

CRIME, page 2

Sheffield settles at UW

Volleyball coach continues to find niche one year into tenure in Madison.

SPORTS | 9

Choosing a craft brew Thirsty Thursday gives the lowdown on choosing the right beer for your palate.

ARTS |6

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Promoting Awareness, Victim Empowerment hosted two speakers Wednesday who touched on the importance of speaking out in instances of sexual assault and also described how they came to be self-proclaimed feminists and how it shapes their views.

Speakers share views on sexual assault, feminism Casey Sheridan Reporter Two self-proclaimed feminists and established bloggers shared their views on sexual assault, rape culture, social media and gender-bias at a keynote speaker event Wednesday as a part of Sexual Assault Awareness Month.

Promoting Awareness, Victim Empowerment hosted Zerlina Maxwell, a Feministing.com blogger and contributor to the New York Daily News and EBONY. com, and Chloe Angyal, editor of Feministing.com, who is currently writing her doctoral dissertation on the effect romantic comedies have on normalizing and romanticizing rape culture.

Maxwell spoke about what she considers her controversial appearance on “Hannity,” a show on Fox News.

In her appearance on the show on Fox, Maxwell said she engaged in a heated debate with conservative gun activist Gayle Trotter.

She said she boldly spoke out against rape on the popular conservative network.

“We should be telling men not to rape women,” Maxwell

said.

Maxwell said she woke up the next morning after her appearance on “Hannity” to an inbox full of hateridden Facebook and Twitter messages. She added that someone created a meme depicting her as a “stupid, man-hating liberal.”

One of the most popular memes, Maxwell added, featured a picture of her smiling with the word “idiot” written across her face. She said the meme also contained an inaccurate quote that read: “We don’t need guns. Just tell men not to rape women.”

In response to the show, Maxwell said a lot of rightwinged media sites picked up the clip. She said her Fox News appearance started an interesting phase in her life.

“Apparently something I said was so offensive that it was on every site,” Maxwell said.

Maxwell, a rape victim herself, said she gained a lot from her appearance on the Fox News show. She said she learned that no matter how scary it is, a rape victim never stops being and talking about being a survivor.

Maxwell and Angyal both stressed the importance of

taking a powerful and vocal stand against the belief that men are going to rape and that it is up to women to step out of their way.

She said it is important to refrain from staying silent.

She added it is also important for individuals to not feel uncomfortable when talking about the topic of rape.

Angyal, when talking about her journey with feminism, said she was unknowingly raised in a very feminist household. She said she was highly emerged in feminism growing up and, as a result, when she got to high school and people started calling her a feminist, she thought it was crazy there was a label for her thoughts.

“Why do you need a word for that [feminism]?” Angyal said. “That is just common sense.”

Angyal said she thought her views were similar to that of everyone else.

After taking a two-year hiatus from feminism, upon her arrival to Princeton, Angyal said she re-found her passion and fell in love with expressing her feminist views through literature.

“I got addicted to it,” Angyal said.

Occupy campsite search continues Group members get extension on current location, look for more permanent solution Allie Johnson City Life Editor Dane County officials and members of the Occupy Madison movement continued to clash after the protest group moved back onto a public campground last week.

Members of the Dane County Board spoke out against Occupy Madison after the camp moved to Lake Farm Park just outside Madison on April 16, according to County Parks Division Director Darren Marsh.

After several issues regarding compliance with campground rules, Dane County Board members raised concerns on the relationship between the county and the Occupy members and spoke out in favor of allowing the group to continue staying in the park in a letter sent to county Land

CRIME, from 1 District 4, said he was not surprised by some of the statistics.

“The slight increase in property crime does not come as a big surprise to me,” Verveer said. “ Anecdotally, that’s a recurring problem that’s been on the upswing, including in the downtown [area].”

However, Verveer said he was concerned about the jump in forcible sexual offenses.

The increase of forcible sexual offenses represented the largest change between 2011 and 2012, according to the post. The number of forcible sexual offenses

and Water Resources Director Kevin Connors and Marsh.

When the group moved into the campground, park officials explained its rules, Marsh said. He said he explained the campground does not allow more than one tent per campsite and Occupy Madison members had at least four on each site.

They also did not follow the registration rules, he said.

Occupy members were then given a notice to move out or comply with the rules of the campground, he said. After asking Occupy members to comply with campground rules, Marsh said the county gave the campers a notice to either move to a group campground in the park or move out completely.

Rather than move to the group campground, several Occupy members decided to move out, Marsh said.

Several remained and filled

one large tent on each site in compliance with the campground rules, he said.

“We treat them as we would treat everyone else,” Marsh said. “We have given them much more latitude to come into compliance with park rules than we give most groups.”

The Occupy members still camping in Lake Farm Park may face another challenge, however, because the maximum amount anyone can legally stay in a county campground is 14 days, Marsh said. Campers must leave the park for 48 hours before they can return, he said.

Marsh explained the 14day rule is placed to protect the environmental integrity of the campground.

“If you stay on a site for 14 days, that site is having tremendous amount of impact when you are on it for that long,” Marsh said. “If you have four or five tents

on a campground, the grass underneath needs to reenergize and regrow.”

One of the signers of the letter, Dane County Supervisor Leland Pan, District 5, said the homeless have no legal place to stay overnight in the city, and the park is a temporary solution.

Pan said he signed the letter because he wanted to encourage the parks division to be more lenient and let the Occupy members stay in the park until they can find a more permanent solution.

In response to the letter, Marsh and Connors issued a statement, and said that campers could remain in the park past 14 days, provided they stay in compliance with the other campground rules.

Pan said this is a positive development for the Occupy group.

“This is a good step forward; at least they can stay there,” Pan said.

increased from 184 to 228, the post said.

MPD spokesperson Joel DeSpain said the numbers should be placed in context.

Changes from year to year are bound to occur, he said.

To see if a crime category is increasing throughout the long term, the MPD must look at data spanning several years, he said.

“Certainly these numbers provide our crime analysts with a bench point to start from … but we don’t like to look at just a one-year difference,” DeSpain said.

“Some numbers in Madison, they go up and down every year … and I don’t know that you can read too much into it.”

DeSpain said the increase in forcible sexual offenses may be an exception to this idea.

He also said It is difficult to know the reasons behind the apparent spike in incidents and if the numbers represent an actual increase. The victims of forcible sexual offenses may be reporting crimes to authorities in greater numbers, potentially as a result of increasing awareness of rape crises services in Dane County, he said.

Crime data only represents part of the story, the post said. Ongoing public safety concerns in Madison may contribute to increases in criminal activity, including opiate addiction and gang

involvement, the post said.

Furthermore, it said many reported crimes come from repeat offenders.

DeSpain said MPD has programs in place that target the demographics of people who tend to be addicted to opiates, involved with gangs or who repeatedly offend, and is working to help those people change their lifestyles.

Ald. Scott Resnick, District 8, said he saw several positive signs in the data overall.

“We are seeing new efforts the city of Madison has put forward, particularly with prevention,” he said. “Clearly, our work is not done, but this is a step forward in the right direction.”

In an effort to create jobs for promising new startups, state lawmakers from both parties unveiled a venture capital bill Wednesday based on provisions mapped out in Gov. Walker’s budget proposal.

Assembly Majority Leader Scott Suder, R–Abbotsford, led a press conference to overview the bipartisan Venture Capital Commission’s funding efforts supporting entrepreneurs and early state companies.

The bill’s lead author, Rep. Mike Kuglitsch, R–New Berlin, said the investment capital bill results from more than two years of work.

The bill is based on findings the past decade indicating job creation in Wisconsin has come largely from companies that have been operating less than five years, while mature businesses have lost employment, according to Kuglitsch.

“The biggest hurdle for a young entrepreneur with ideas to overcome is capital,” Kuglitsch said. “So, it only makes sense that an economic development strategy for a state should include investment capital. We have the great ideas in this state. All we need to do is attract more investment capital.”

Sen. Alberta Darling, R–River Hills, and Rep. Fred Clark, D–Sauk City, are also authors in for the bill.

Kuglitsch said the bill would bring $25 million in backing to startups and entrepreneurs. He added private companies would be required to match state “fund of funds” investments at a 2 to 1 ratio.

Sen. Tim Cullen, D–Janesville, said the bill represents a collaborative attempt to improve Wisconsin’s job market while putting divisive political affiliations aside.

“I am very pleased that this bill requires the non-partisan State

FOOD CART, from 1 out of business is not a compromise.”

While he hopes the conflict is over, Lawrence said he is concerned that future complaints might lead to further discussion about latenight vending on Broom Street. He cited concerns with the processes of the committee and said if the issue is brought up again, it might not work out in his favor.

Lawrence said he was typically the only vendor who spoke at the committee meetings, compared to the restaurant owners, landlords and city officials. The process ultimately came down to whomever spoke out the most got the attention,

BOARD, from 1 “Not only the sincerity, but we have to check the credibility. Will the board actually make the reforms it has put forward?”

Sanfelippo said it is difficult to trust the Milwaukee County Board after the media has uncovered its secret negotiations with the Council 48 of the American Federation of State, County and Municipal Employees, a decertified union. He added the board has lied

of Wisconsin Investment Board play a majority role in selecting a funds manager,” Cullen said. “I think SWIB’s role will go a long way in ensuring a firewall between investment decisions and politics.”

A similar venture capital investment bill failed last legislative session as lawmakers disputed the efficiency and trust of private financial support, especially regarding regulation of Certified Capital Companies accused of skimming profits.

Afterward, Sen. Julie Lassa, D–Stevens Point, and Assembly Minority Leader Peter Barca, D–Kenosha, officially announced their plans to back a different bill to invest more money into venture capital funding.

The Democrats also said a shortage of financial support exists for venture capital, but emphasized any legislation to address the issue must be sustainable for the long-term. Lassa said that element must be more prominent in Venture Capital Commission’s bill to ensure its effects are not short-lived and then forgotten.

“What we’re going to find is the money is slow to get out the door, it’s going to be slow to create the good, familysupporting jobs that we need,” Lassa said regarding the measure lasting only two years.

“I’m really afraid that it will end there.”

Lassa said the proposal by Darling and Kuglitsch is one-time investment giving funds to managers for just two years to create contracts with entrepreneurs and new companies.

Barca said he believes the one-time $25 million commitment will not drive companies to invest in Wisconsin.

Instead, a residency requirement for private investors must be included in the bill, noting the goal is not to provide loans temporarily then move on to the next initiative.

rather than looking at the quality of what was being said, he said.

While the compromise took the committee a long time to reach, Verveer said it was a long time coming.

“Hopefully these late night vending issues are behind us, at least for this season,” Verveer said.

The committee also unanimously approved another amendment to make the closing times for sidewalk cafes with alcohol licenses consistent throughout the city.

The amendment requires establishments with a sidewalk café to stop serving alcohol and clear all alcohol off outdoor tables by 1 a.m., according to Verveer.

to Assembly members, the Senate president and Milwaukee citizens.

Dimitrijevic said the board’s alternative to Sanfelippo and Darling’s bill comes at the request of local Milwaukee residents, while statelevel impositions could be “problematic.”

“The problem with state legislation trying to enforce reform is that it has not necessarily created clarity,” Dimitrijevic said, noting it is inaccurate to call the board’s proposal a last-minute initiative.

The Badger Herald | News | Thursday, April 25, 2013

3

City updates alcohol ordinance Modification calls for six-month ban on selling liquor to habitually intoxicated persons Sarah Eucalano City Hall Editor A city committee updated and recommended renewal of a city ordinance that prohibits liquor stores from selling to habitually drunk persons Wednesday night.

Madison’s City Council first passed the Habitually Intoxicated Persons ordinance in July 2010.

The Alcohol License Review Committee chose Wednesday to recommend the ordinance be extended to 2015, and updated the law so a new ban list is produced every six months instead of every four months. The updated ordinance would also remove people from the list if they do not receive any alcohol-related convictions in a six-month period, while the old ordinance stipulated a year-long period.

The ordinance defines a habitually drunk person

as someone who receives six or more alcohol-related convictions in a 180-day period, the statement said.

Woulf said the changes were made because law enforcement had a difficult time updating the list quarterly. The ordinance requires the habitually drunk people on the ban list are notified in person so they have a chance to appeal the decision, he said.

The police had a difficult time locating every person on the ban list every four months, especially because many of the people on the list have no permanent address, he said.

“If you’re struggling with alcoholism and then if you’re clean and sober for six months, that’s a good accomplishment and you deserve to be taken off of this list,” Woulf said.

Woulf cited a study done by United Way that

motivated the city to initiate the original ordinance. He said United Way’s study found that approximately 60 habitually drunk people cost the city of Madison and Dane County more than $3 million annually through detox fees, hospital charges, police services and other services.

Woulf said he looks forward to having the ordinance continue and hopes it helps some people suffering from alcoholism.

He cited one person who had been on the ban list, which prompted him to go to rehab, and now is sober.

“I think is has a potential to be a success,” Woulf said.

“We’ll see when we have a few more years of data.”

Ald. Mike Verveer, District 4, sponsored the ordinance and said both law enforcement officials and the liquor industry in Madison support the

ordinance. He said police have said it makes a difference and liquor stores have said the ordinance has been helpful since it was implemented in avoiding disturbances and panhandling.

He said the ordinance mainly will be used downtown and will provide liquor stores with a legal way to turn away people who are habitually intoxicated.

“I’m not foolish enough to think we’re going to cure alcoholism,” Verveer said. “There’s no way this will force them to seek treatment and cure their illness. But it will perhaps provide baby steps.”

Verveer also said the the now-closed sushi restaurant T Sushi surrendered its liquor license, and a new potential restaurant, Chi, has taken its place on 251 State St. and plans to apply for a liquor license.

Andy Fate The Badger Herald

Ald. Mike Verveer, District 4, said the updated ordinance, which now removes habitually intoxicated people from the list after six months, will be beneficial to the city and liquor stories.

Community remembers former Law School dean Sarah Eucalano City Hall Editor George Bunn, a former University of Wisconsin Law School Dean remembered for his passion and activism for nuclear disarmament, died Tuesday at age 87 in Palo Alto, Calif.

According to a UW statement, Bunn served the UW Law School from 1969 to 1986, and was dean of the school from 1972 to 1975.

The Bunn family has strong ties to UW’s Law School. The statement said Bunn had three relatives with ties to the Law School: Judge

WALKER, from 1 of the UW System.

Mikalsen said Reilly and his fellow administrators made the sole decision to create a “slush fund,” without approval from the Board of Regents, the governing body

Romanzo Bunn, a lecturer in the 19th century; Charles Wilson Bunn, who earned his undergraduate and law degree from UW; and Charles (Bob) Bunn, who served as a UW Law School faculty member from 1934 to 1962.

The Gargoyle, the UW Law School’s alumni magazine, recognized the many contributions the four generations of the Bunn family gave to the Law School in a 1969 issue of the publication. The Gargoyle said Bunn earned his undergraduate degree from UW in engineering, and went on to earn his law degree

from Columbia Law School in 1950.

After graduation, he spent a decade working in private practice. In 1961, he joined the President John F. Kennedy’s administration, serving as a counsel to the president’s advisers, the article said. He then began to work for disarmament, a lifelong passion, and served as an ambassador to the Disarmament Conference in Geneva, which created the non-proliferation treaty ratified by the United States in 1969, it said.

The article said Bunn had three children: Peter, Peggy

and Matthew, with his wife at the time, Bonnie. According to a statement from Stanford University, Bunn went on to work at their University’s Center for International Security and Cooperation for 20 years and was a highly respected and admired member of the community.

Peter Carstensen, a UW Law School professor who specializes in antitrust law and competition policy, said Bunn was the dean who hired him and because of this, he has always felt indebted to Bunn.

“He was a very good dean,” Carstensen said. “He left

the deanship shortly after I arrived, but I have always had the greatest respect for him.”

UW Law School Professor Emeritus William Whitford, said he remembers Bunn for his activism, progressiveness and passion.

Both Whitford and Carstensen said they remembered Bunn for the work he did with nuclear disarmament.

Whitford said Bunn left a positive mark on UW’s Law School by introducing and implementing many progressive ideas.

As an example, Whitford

cited Bunn’s passion for experiential learning, a method of teaching Bunn championed, where students learn through experiencing what they are meant to learn.

Whitford said medical schools had been doing this for a long time by requiring their students to work with patients. Bunn promoted teaching methods that would require lawyers in training to actually work with clients.

Bunn was also passionate about the environment, Whitford said. He said Bunn had one of the first solar panel installations on his home.

for the UW System. “[Reilly and administrators] clearly raised tuition much higher than they needed to for the sole purpose of jacking up and raising the surplus,” Mikalsen said.

Mikalsen added the reserve funds are “not allocated to

anything,” and were only created by Reilly and his administrators to have a surplus.

Conrad said reserve funds are necessary, and in fact, most universities have reserve funds. Conrad added he is more upset about the

issue of reserve funds flowing into the public domain.

“Instead of politicizing this, [Walker and legislators] should have this debate with [Reilly],” Conrad said. “[Reilly] needs to talk to the governor in a rational way about what kind of university you want,

and how you’re going to pay for it.”

Conrad said a consequence of cutting costs to a university is losing great, recently-hired faculty if pay raises do not come soon.

Mikalsen said the competition between

universities is not a solid reason to increase tuition.

He also added the UW System will not be greatly affected by cutting its costs.

“If you lower tuition, you’re not going to be cutting a ton of classes or closing down campuses,” Mikalsen said.

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The Badger Herald | News | Thursday, April 25, 2013

Opinion

Editorial Page Editor Charles Godfrey oped@badgerherald.com ped@badgerherald.com

The Badger Herald Opinion | Thursday, April 25, 2013 Page 5

The End ofAs Mifflin We Know It Another May 4th event, the Revelry Music and Arts Festival, and a letter from the Madison Police stating that this year “there will be no Mifflin Street Block P Party” have called the future of the event into question .

If nothing else, May 4th promises to keep police busy Garth Beyer Columnist News never breaks twice, but one news story can lead to another. With journalistic insight, I have to say we are two weeks away from seeing this happen. The reason? The Mifflin Street Block Party.

Quickly, for those who missed the news, Mifflin has been “cancelled” for this 2013 year. (I use quotations because no permit has been acquired for the party, so in principle no party can be cancelled.) This obviously ignites Madisonian hysteria.

Age aside, telling someone they can’t do something makes them want to do it even more – not to mention Mifflin has been going strong

for more than forty years, dancing back and forth between being a protest and expression of humanitarian energy. Moreover, Americans are naturally rebellious – University of Wisconsin students, even more so.

I am going to confess now – I have never attended Mifflin, nor do I plan to attend it this year. Despite all the off-putting stories I’ve heard about it, the pictures I’ve seen and the news reports I have read, I still believe Mifflin is meant to prevail.

Let me address some of the concerns about Mifflin and reasons that Mifflin is supposed to be nonexistent this year. In previous years, police have made more than

350 arrests during Mifflin.

After speaking with Madison Police Department spokesperson Joel DeSpain, I learned the terminology surrounding Mifflin is often used to spin the news.

DeSpain responded, “The number of people actually arrested and jailed is small.”

It seems that the verbiage the city uses is actually misleading – perhaps the city intentionally inflates crime statistics in order to extinguish the life of Mifflin.

DeSpain went on to say, “Most are given citations.”

When using correct terminology, the results of the Mifflin Block Party appear insubstantial. Yes, a few major crimes have occured, but this is no

different than any other day.

The way I see it is like this: If you’re concerned about the safety of those who attend Mifflin, announcing the possible consequences does little to sway a person’s decision to attend. With the history and life of Mifflin – I can’t stress this enough – people know what they are getting themselves into. If I may make myself even more vulnerable, three more points are worth noting.

First, the block party gives students a story to share; one that not only goes down in the books of those who attend, but in the history of Madison as well. All benefits and consequences aside, Mifflin is a noteworthy event, an experience to share and

oftentimes an experience from which to learn.

Secondly, Mifflin gives the Madison police work to do. After all, they are going to patrol the streets anyway!

According to the Wisconsin State Journal, “While parties may still happen and students may still tilt back some cold ones, police promised they will patrol the area in force.”

If they are going to be putting this much effort into it, why not monitor Mifflin instead of preventing it?

With that, I want to give a shout out to Madison police for their excellent work year round. Without Mifflin, or more importantly, even with Mifflin, Madison consistently ranks as a top community in which to live, work, play and

raise a family. If I may go out on a limb, without Mifflin, we may lose the category of “play.”

Lastly, the removal of one event, Mifflin in particular, leaves that space open for something new – and possibly even more raunchy – to occur. As the saying goes, if it’s not one thing, it’s another.

Ending on a personal note, all my life I have been amazed at how so many people can partake in such “negative” activities and yet still excel in life.

Being forward, I’d like to be continuously amazed.

Drink Wisconsibly.

Garth Beyer (gbeyer@wisc. edu) is a junior majoring in jounalism.

Mass intoxication, chaos enable crime Nathaniel Olson Columnist You can measure a paper as well by the quality of its readers as that of its writers.

By that measure, it should come as no surprise that The Badger Herald enjoys its fair share of intelligent critics. Here are some of my picks for the most nuanced and thoughtful opinions articulated in the comments sections of the Badger Herald in the last week.

In response to Kevin Bargnes’ April 18 letter to the editor, “’War on Mifflin’ maybe sensational, but accurate description of new downtown police state”: feta_worldpeace “The most offensive thing in this whole “War on Mifflin” is the audacity of the white, male college students to declare police presence grounds for labeling Madison as a “police state.” Asking for IDs from suspected underage drinkers with

open containers in the street is not a police state.

Having a daily curfew and being fearful of leaving your own house for everyday things is a police state.

Not having free press is a police state. Clearly, since you have the means and access to voice this opinion supporting something that is an actual problem and detrimental to this community, we are not living in a police state. Grow the fuck up. Your privilege to party/get drunk/wear ridiculous neon muscle tanks with “SORRY 4 PARTYING” on them is not being taken away, so stop whining and embarrassing your fellow millennials. If you really think your rights are being taken away, call the ACLU.” Right on, feta. The objections that have been raised to the actions of the University of Wisconsin, the Madison Police Department and the student leadership are the sort of absurdly

hyperbolic claims that have diluted this country’s discourse and made it impossible for the media to delineate between ginnedup attention grabs and actual crises. The audacity is, indeed, stunning. remingtonsteal “It’s been very interesting watching this saga unfold 11 years and 1,000 miles removed from UW. Frankly, I don’t get the outrage now, nor did I get the love for the Block Party when I was in school. My freshman year, it seemed like an awesome, storied tradition. Then, I went. By my junior year, living on West Wash and working at Cap Centre Foods, I saw it for what it was: a nuisance and a thin excuse to get (more) wasted (than normal) during the day.”

You’re right, Remington.

Mifflin used to have a constructive purpose. It has become a shit show with no goal other than getting collectively hammered.

In response to John Waters’ April 16 column, “MPD attacks student culture with Mifflin stance”: Johnny “Pretty sure it was the stabbings and sexual assaults that killed Mifflin, don’t try to blame it on anything else. If you want to have the event, then have it exclusively for UW students, which I’m sure were never the problem in the first place.”

Totally. There may have been other contributors (trash, police overstretch, ect.), but Mifflin is endangered because people took advantage of the chaos to do some really dirty deeds. The stabbings and sexual assaults showed a total lack of control. The city had to get it under wraps.

Nathaniel Olson (naolson4@wisc.edu) is a senior majoring in political science, history and psychology.

City should have let block party fizzle Aaron Loudenslager Columnist To paraphrase Bob Dylan, it looks like the times are changing. Even though the Mifflin Street Block Party has been around for more than 40 years, the Madison Police Department wrote in a recent letter to Madison residents, “There will be no Mifflin Street Block Party” this year and it “will no longer be a City permitted or sanctioned event.”

Although the city will no longer sanction the Mifflin Street Block Party, the party will not end as quickly as the city anticipates. I do believe the end is near for the Mifflin Party, but it will take a few years or more for

the party to end in practice.

It’s been obvious for some time that Mayor Paul Soglin wants to end Mifflin, which is ironic, given that Soglin was arrested at the Mifflin Street Block Party in 1969 when the party was still organized as a protest against the Vietnam War. Regardless, without expressing any personal views I may have about the Mifflin Party, I think the manner the city went about trying to end the Mifflin Party is problematic.

In recent years, the Mifflin Party had been getting quite large, with an attendance of approximately 25,000 people. Yet, just last year that figure dropped to approximately 5,000. This

might be the beginning of the end of the block party.

With the creation of the city-endorsed Revelry event this year, I think the demise of the Mifflin Party will be strictly a function of time.

But instead of letting the Mifflin Party fizzle out slowly with fewer and fewer people attending (due to the rival Revelry event and students who want to avoid municipal citations), the city decided to try and completely end it “right now.”

This was unwise. Instead of letting Mifflin fizzle out somewhat naturally, the city has almost guaranteed that the Mifflin Party will continue for at least a few years, if not more. By writing a forceful letter to

Madison residents declaring the end of the Mifflin Party, MPD has given students an incentive to make sure the Mifflin Party stays around for as long as possible. I don’t think any University of Wisconsin class wants to be known as the class that allowed the Mifflin Party to dissipate.

If the city really wanted to end Mifflin, it should have allowed the party to end somewhat naturally.

By declaring to residents that the Mifflin Party is no more, the city has ironically guaranteed that the Mifflin Party will not disappear so quickly and easily.

Aaron Loudenslager (loudenslager@wisc.edu) is a first year law student.

Andy Fate The Badger Herald

In recent years, the Mifflin Block Party has seen a decrease in attendence and an increase in police presence.

Mifflin is to Revelry as Ferrari is to Prius Hayes Cascia Staff Writer Is Revelry the new Mifflin?

No chance, Lance. Maybe if they get some legitimate artists in the coming years – otherwise it will be like trying to replace a Ferrari with a Prius. Yes, the Prius might be safer and better for the environment – sort of like Revelry – with less arrests and beer cans on the street. But the Ferrari is a lot more fun, and based on tradition – just like the Mifflin Street Block Party.

This year, Revelry will likely be popular not because an overwhelmingly amount of people want to go, but because literally nothing else is happening on the weekend of May 4th. I even caved and bought a ticket just because I don’t know what the hell I could do outside that day without having to answer to the Police State of Madison.

I have no idea who Hoodie Allen is. Based on what I hear from friends, he’s basically the same as Sammy Adams and Asher Roth. I guess it would be cool to have him for some kind of frat party, but to replace Mifflin, they need to pull out some bigger guns – like maybe

bring Bob Marley back from the dead or find where Tupac’s been hiding out all these years and get his ass out here.

It stinks how a few stupid people, who did not even go to this school, led to the degradation of Mifflin -- from a full-blown block party to a sidewalk party and now nothing -- because they stabbed other people.

Honestly, who does that? A punch, okay cool. Maybe even a karate chop or roundhouse kick, but stabbing? Come on.

Why do you even have a knife at Mifflin? I mean you are in Madison, not Tijuana.

But, an alternate to Mifflin is not the answer. I was down at Indiana University this past weekend for Little 500, a bike race that is the focal point of a week of partying. I think if Mifflin was centered on an event, and if the proceeds went to charity or a good cause, it could make a comeback. This way if they cancel Mifflin, it will basically be like saying, “I support world hunger.” In that case, hopefully the mayor and police have a conscience.

Hayes Cascia (hcascia@wisc. edu) is a sophomore with an undeclared major.

Fight for ‘right to party’ amounts to protest for protest’s sake Julia Wagner Staff Writer As the outrage about the cancellation of the Mifflin Street Block Party escalates, there may be some value in considering where Mifflin began and where it is now.

Everyone knows that the event began as a late 1960s protest of the Vietnam War. Students at the time were so passionate about the antiwar sentiments that they made barricades to defend

themselves from the police.

Now, in 2013, police are once again trying to prevent the event from happening, and students are still trying to resist. Considering the evolution, or rather deevolution, of the block party, the question arises: What exactly are we protesting now?

Basically, University of Wisconsin students are just trying to hold on to “the right to party.” The problem with this is: The block party

started out as a protest against violence, and now it has become an event that results in an environment of violence. It seems that if we really wanted to honor the tradition of the block party, we would let it go the minute it started doing more harm than good.

The fact that students at UW have so many opportunities to party calls into question the need to hang onto this one party on this one day. Most students seem

to be upset about the fact that a tradition is being taken away from them. However, the purpose of the party has changed considerably since the first block party in 1969. It has become just a chance to blow off steam before finals and have a good time, and the revolutionary sentiment behind it has fallen by the wayside.

So, tradition has already been taken out of the event.

Other students are upset because the powers that

be are trying to control our “right to party.” The problem with this is that our right to party is not being eliminated completely, just at a specific location on a single day.

It seems that the reason students are upset about this is that they like to protest just as much now as they did during the Vietnam War. They want to show that they cannot be controlled any more than they could in 1969. It isn’t just a party that is being taken away, but a feeling of student

solidarity and resistance.

These sentiments still exist in students today, but have been covered up by the “right to party” sentiment.

I think before we get too upset about this cancellation, we should take a look at what Mifflin has become, why it has become that, more importantly, if it’s still worth fighting for.

Julia Wagner ( jgwagner@ wisc.edu) is a senior majoring in English literature.

Your Opinion · Send your letters to the editor and guest columns to oped@badgerherald.com. Publication is based on space and takes into account relevance and quality. Letters should be sent exclusively to the Herald. Unsigned letters will not be published. All submissions may be edited by the Herald for length and style. Reader feedback on all articles and columns can be posted at badgerherald.com, where all print content is archived.

ArtsEtc.

ArtsEtc. Editors Tim Hadick & Colin Kellogg arts@badgerherald.com

6

The Badger Herald | Arts | Thursday, April 25, 2013

‘The Interestings’ relevant read for soon-t0-be grads Novel released earlier this month spotlights lives of talented friends Kelsey Sorenson ArtsEtc. Contributor Thinking about the future is just as natural as sleeping and eating for young adults, who live in limbo between childhood and “real” adulthood. Those thoughts include wondering how everyone from a group of friends is going to turn out, such as who is going to achieve stardom, wealth and success, and who is going to be mediocre. A recent release reveals those answers for a collection of

artistically gifted friends, as well as the triumphs and struggles along the way.

Released April 9, “The Interestings” by Meg Wolitzer is a story following six friends who meet at summer camp in the ‘70s.

Each has his or her own artistic talent, such as illustration, dancing, acting and songwriting. They come together because they are, self-proclaimed, “The Interestings,” the most fascinating and important clique in at Spirit-in-theWoods.

The novel’s nonlinear narrative carefully reveals the disappointments and successes of each member of the group. Although it may seem at the onset that one of the girls is going to be the center of the novel,

that soon changes. The plot continually shifts between locales like the Wolf family’s posh New York City flat and Jules Jacobson-Boyd’s cramped Brooklyn walk-up.

The narrative is vividly descriptive, but not always where the reader expects it.

The exact shape of beautiful Ash Wolf’s face is left for the reader to imagine. Instead, the way Cathy Kiplinger nervously bites her nails or the way friends comfort each other is as clear as if the reader is watching it from the same room.

The novel’s themes and topics have a certain realness; each is a fact of life that others struggle with on a daily basis. Depending on the person, that struggle could be jealousy of someone you love, the

one who got away, a family tragedy or personal demons from the past.

Wolitzer fears no heavy topics, whether it is sex, AIDS, rape or mental illness. Her frank treatment of these tough subjects is all the more endearing.

The world Wolitzer has created in this novel is never perfectly happy — each family has its own difficulties, and happiness is a fluctuating measurement of all the facets of a life, not just money and power.

“The Interestings” covers a time period that college students are in the middle of themselves.

When Wolitzer describes the post-grad uncertainty of each member of the group, it resonates with those experiencing the challenge

of starting his or her “real life.” Her characters deal with the same problems many will experience after May, such as searching for a job in a certain field (and not having much luck at first, or ever), trying to keep certain relationships strong or simply trying to be happy despite becoming disillusioned.

Wolitzer is not as wellknown as she should be, with 11 novels in her repertoire. For those who need more convincing of her talent, she has been grabbing the attention of writing heavyweights. One of these authors is Jeffrey Eugenides, the author of “The Virgin Suicides” and “Middlesex,” whose glowing recommendation graces the brightly striped dust jacket

of the new release.

Speaking of the dust jacket, the cover art alone is enough to make a casual browser pick it up in the bookstore, because, admit it, everyone does judge books by their covers. The cheerful watercolor stripes prompt thoughts of summer, which is where the story begins, and everyone wants to be enjoying already.

A stunning success from a seasoned novelist, “The Interestings” is real, oscillating between heartbreaking and heartwarming moments.

Wolitzer’s narrative, punctuated by moments of joy and sorrow, resonates with readers, who are also in the middle of continual process of growing up and finding a place in the world.

ARTSETC. PRESENTS “THIRSTY THURSDAY”

Craft beer choices available for every palate, preference Regen McCracken Thirsty Thursday Columnist With the craft beer business continually growing, more and more people are coming around to the higher quality beers the industry offers. Those still looking to hop on board and see what all the fuss is about may be intimidated by the sheer volume of choices at the local liquor store. The question often arises -— “Where do I start?”

People have several possible entry paths when starting to drink craft beer; the proper place to begin varies from person to person based on previous experience with other consumables such as coffee, American adjunct lagers (Bud, Miller, Coors, etc.), and liquor. Based on one’s personal preferences in these categories, it becomes much easier to zero in on a possible footin-the-door beer.

Most obviously, those who already enjoy drinking beers from the major macrobreweries in the U.S. are well on their way to enjoying craft.

The problem is that most of these American adjunct lagers (adjunct refers to the fact that these brewers do not use 100 percent malt, but rather rice or corn) is that they are engineered to have very slight flavors, and those that are used to drinking these more flavorless beers may be put off by the intense flavors in big roasty stouts or bitter IPAs. The best place for a Bud, Miller or Coors drinker to begin is with craft examples nearest the style of the American adjunct lager, such as German pilsners, Czech pilsners, Dortmunder lagers and Vienna lagers.

Pilsners are a subdivision of lager,

a term that refers to the lagering method of brewing rather than a specific beer. Pilsners are crisp and highlight light, bready, cracker-like malts and slightly spicy Noble hops. All of these options are generally maltforward, refreshing and easy-drinking, though they definitely have more flavor than the average American adjunct lager.

Some great lagers and pilsners include New Glarus’ own Two Women and EdelPils, Great Lakes Brewing Company’s Eliot Ness and Dortmunder Gold, Victory’s Prima Pils, Oskar Blues’ Mama’s Little Yella Pils and Samuel Adam’s flagship Boston Lager. These beers are all readily available at many of the liquor stores around Madison and are as easy on the wallet as they are on the palate. They should not be a far jump for BMC drinkers to enjoy.

Lovers of coffee, dark fruit like figs or raisins and dark chocolate have only one direction to head in when trying to get into craft beer: porters and stouts. Porters and stouts, which have nearly merged into one style in today’s beer landscape, are darker beers that use heavier and darker malt bills than the lagers detailed previously and, as a result, have distinctly different flavors.

All porters and stouts are different, of course, but most have tasting notes of dark chocolate, coffee, roastiness and the aforementioned dark fruits, making them perfect for people who already like these things to begin with.

Porters and stouts can get very intense, but there are still easy drinking brews to ease into the style before venturing into the deep end of 10 percent plus ABV beers. Some easy to come by examples of porters and stouts are Sierra Nevada’s Porter and Stout, Ale Asylum’s Contorter Porter, Central

Waters’ Mudpuppy Porter, Founders’ Porter and Breakfast Stout, Samuel Smith’s Oatmeal Stout and Taddy Porter. Fans of coffee and chocolate should have no trouble gaining an appreciation for any of these beers, and will surely find a lot to love from their first sip.

Liquor lovers are a unique crowd and have a possible entry point that most other newbies to craft beer should avoid at all costs: big, high-alcohol beers. As craft keeps moving along, brewers are always looking to make a bigger, more intense beer and push the envelope further.

Often these brewers will also age their beer in used liquor barrels from rum to brandy to whiskey or bourbon, which is the most common.

The problem is that many of these beers are much harder to come by since they are usually not available year-round or in large batches. Some barrel-aged stouts to keep an eye out for include New Holland’s Dragon’s Milk, Weyerbacher’s Heresy, Central Waters’ Peruvian Morning and Central Waters’ Bourbon Barrel Stout. These are definitely not easy-drinking beers, and, like good liquor, should be sipped to enjoy to their fullest. Like liquor, these beers have fine nuances to mull on, and wine drinkers may even enjoy these beers simply due to the complexity and depth that they can discover.

The key to enjoying craft beer is simply to keep an open mind. The variety of beers out there can be daunting, and it may take time to find a beer that pushes one into the craft beer craze. Once it happens, and it will happen, it will be difficult to go back to the relatively tasteless BMC beers, and this is definitely a good thing.

Photo Courtesy of Tobin Voggesser

This genre-fusing band now calls Fort Collins, Colo. home. The group began in Iowa, where it holds its own festival each year.

Euforquestra ready to ignite Frequency stage McKenzie Kirkland ArtsEtc. Writer Merge reggae, funk, afrobeat and a dash of jazz catchiness and you’ve got yourself Euforquestra, a band ready to ignite the dance floor at The Frequency this Thursday.

Hailing from Fort Collins, Colo., this tourheavy band comes prepared for anything.

Originally from Iowa City, Iowa, these guys have seen change ups in their membership during their ten years of existence. The switching around seems to match their improvisational style which keeps crowds guessing at their frequent shows. On this

tour, they have seven different members and plenty of musical genres making appearances.

One may wonder how such a variability of genres can crop up in a single band’s works.

It’s a collective effort according to guitarist Mike Tallman.

“It stems from us wanting to try anything musically.

Whatever someone brought to the table, we tried. It comes from being openminded and wanting to experiment and try new things” said Tallman, in regard to the variability in genres.

Euforquestra’s feelgood beats are sure to turn even the most stubborn frown upside down.

The bright sounds are sure to light up The Frequency and make for a successful show this Thursday night. With instruments ranging from guitar to saxophone, this band produces shoulder shimmying beats.

How would Tallman describe his band?

“Energy, because that’s what it’s about. It’s about creating a vibe for people to get down and putting that energy out there…

We want people to get down and boogie, that’s our biggest motivation for sure.”

A year ago, Euforquestra released its fourth album Let Us In. Yet there’s planning to kick start funding on another album in the near future, according to Tallman. They are aiming to be back in studios to start recording

on their fifth album mid to late summer.

“The idea of getting back into the studio is really exciting because we have kind of a new line up. We’re writing a bunch of new tunes right now,” Tallman said.

On the very near horizon is The Frequency show, but this isn’t Euforquestra’s first appearance in Madison. They’ve made appearances at both the High Noon Saloon and The Majestic. They are ready to showcase their new members and show Badgers what’s new in their repertoire since they haven’t been here in a while.

“We’re going to bring the heat. We have a bunch of new music, a bunch of energy… We’re going to be ready to bring it. So people need to bring their dancing shoes,” Tallman said.

Lively beats and a unique blending of genres can be expected tonight at The Frequency. They’re ready to bring the energy level to a new height and requested that we do the same.

“Make sure Madison is ready to bring it. We’re gonna do what we do so we need some people to show up and bring us the energy.”

So Badgers, Tallman has given a personal request to bring your A-game to the show and give Euforquestra the same level of excitement they bring.

Euforquestra will be performing tonight at The Frequency. Tickets are $10.

Comics

Indistinguishable from Magic Noah J. Yuenkel comics@badgerherald.com

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The Badger Herald | Comics | Thursday, April 25, 2013

WHAT IS THIS

SUDOKU

HERALD COMICS

PRESENTS

S

U

D

O

K

U WHITE BREAD & TOAST

toast@badgerherald.com

MIKE BERG

NONSENSE? Complete the grid so that every row, column and 3x3 box contains 0, 1 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, A, B, C, D, E, and F. What? You still don’t get it? It’s not calculus or anything. Honestly, if you don’t know how to do a sudoku by now, you’ve probably got more issues than this newspaper.

TWENTY POUND BABY

DIFFICULTY RATING: Tricking Dark Agers with lighters and eclipses

HERALD COMICS

MADCAPS PRESENTS

K

A

K

U

R

O

baby@badgerherald.com

STEPHEN TYLER CONRAD

madcaps@badgerherald.com

MOLLY MALONEY

HOW DO I

KAKURO?

I know, I know. Kakuro.

Looks crazy, right?

This ain’t no time to panic, friend, so keep it cool and I’ll walk you through. Here’s the low down: each clue tells you what the sum of the numbers to the right or down must add up to.

Repeating numbers?

Not in this part of town.

And that’s that, slick.

C’EST LA MORT

paragon@badgerherald.com

PARAGON

The Kakuro Unique Sum Chart Cells Clue 2 3 2 4 2 16 2 17

DIFFICULTY: Turning the engine over on your magic carpet

MOUSELY & FLOYD

NOAH J. YUENKEL

Possibilities { 1, 2 } { 1, 3 } { 7, 9 } { 8, 9 }

3 3 3 3

6 7 23 24

{ 1, 2, 3 } { 1, 2, 4 } { 6, 8, 9 } { 7, 8, 9 }

4 4 4 4

10 11 29 30

{ 1, 2, 3, 4 } { 1, 2, 3, 5 } { 5, 7, 8, 9 } { 6, 7, 8, 9 }

5 5 5 5

15 16 34 35

{ 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 } { 1, 2, 3, 4, 6 } { 4, 6, 7, 8, 9 } { 5, 6, 7, 8, 9 }

6 6 6 6

21 22 38 39

{ 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 } { 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 7 } { 3, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9 } { 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9 }

7 7 7 7

28 29 41 42

{ 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 } { 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 8 } { 2, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9 } { 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9 }

8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8

36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44

{ 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8 } { 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 9 } { 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 8, 9 } { 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 7, 8, 9 } { 1, 2, 3, 4, 6, 7, 8, 9 } { 1, 2, 3, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9 } { 1, 2, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9 } { 1, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9 } { 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9 }

nyuenkel@badgerherald.com

BUNI

pascle@badgerherald.com

RYAN PAGELOW

HERALD COMICS

PRESENTS

CROSSWORD 1

2

3

4

5

6

7

8

9

10

11

12

Show” 13

RANDOM DOODLES

ERICA LOPPNOW

random@badgerherald.com

14

15

17

18

20

21

23

24

25

26

27

28

30

option

22

25 Point of ___ 31 It may be fine

36

32 Census

29

32 35

18 Jewel box?

22 Census form

19

31 34

16

datum

33

37

33 Bad marks 38

40

41

39

35 John Coltrane

42

played it 43

44

51

45

46

47

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55 58

THE SKY PIRATES

COLLIN LA FLEUR

skypirate@badgerherald.com

48

49

53

54

56

57

59

61 64

50

36 McJob holder 37 “… ___ to say …”

38 “You have my

60

62

63

65

66

word!”

39 Airplane light icon 42 Jewel boxes 43 Borders

Puzzle by Jeff Chen

YA BOI INC.

VINCENT CHENG

BEADY EYES

YOUR COMIC

BRONTË MANSFIELD

YOUR NAME

yaboi@badgerherald.com

comics@badgerherald.com

comics@badgerherald.com

Across 1 Side effect of steroid use 5 Handoff that isn’t 9 Biblical verb 13 Climb using all four limbs 14 Break 15 Rocker Chris 17 Undecorated type?

19 Butler player of note 20 Case studier: Abbr.

21 One acting on impulse?

22 “Crud!”

23 Furor 24 Subjects of some park sign warnings 26 First name in horror 27 Classical ___ 28 Yellowfin tuna, on menus 29 Packed letters?

30 Part of a fast-food

32

34

40 41

43 46

47 50 51 54

55 56 57 58 59

combo Commercial name for naproxen Some homeowner transactions when interest rates fall, informally Elliptical, in a way An article may be written on it Y or N, maybe Rapa ___ (Easter Island) Highball?

“Wicked!”

Certain lap dog Like 32-Across, for short Sound Rose’s guy, on Broadway Exec’s degree Abounds Wok dishes

61 Western ___ 62 59-Down treatment, informally 63 Castaway’s locale 64 Richard with the 1989 #1 hit “Right Here Waiting” 65 Big rushes 66 Lays it on the line?

Down 1 Sets upon 2 Cyberspace space 3 Company whose name roughly means “leave luck to heaven” 4 “Star Trek” extra: Abbr.

5 Bending muscle 6 Night light 7 Oscar winner for “A Fish

Get today’s puzzle solutions at badgerherald.com

44 When many

8 9 10 11 12

16

Called Wanda” Seasonal mall figure Slap up?

Japanese beer brand Cavalry sidearms Like LeBron James visà-vis Kobe Bryant Kutcher’s character on “That ’70s

clocks are punched 45 Conceptual framework 47 A wolf has a strong one 48 Underworld boss?

49 Kobe ___ 52 Bookstore section 53 Deserved 59 See 62-Across 60 Barbecue offering

Rocky the Herald Comics Raccoon™ Countdown to Mifflin next weekend.

Do you have your ID? Cellphone?

Bail money (or debit card)?

Custom-made matching t-shirts?

Back-up flask?

Good, ‘cause I’m taking it all from you when you pass out.

To place an ad in Classifieds: Elise Watson ewatson@badgerherald.com 257.4712 ext. 311

8

The Badger Herald | Classifieds | Thursday, April 25, 2013

Classifieds

EMPLOYMENT

EMPLOYMENT

FOR RENT

Co-ed YMCA summer camp 90 minutes southeast of Madison: staff needed work with youth at beautiful camp. Salary, room, board provided. Male counselors/Lifeguards preferred.

June 9 - Aug 17. Contact: Don, Camp Maclean, Burlington, WI 847.410.5340 denger@ ymcachicago.org

Looking for extra spending money after a summer of fun? Like to get dirty? Campus apartment company needs hard workers to assist with apartment turnover from August 14-19, 2013. Approx. 8 hours per day. $14.00/ hour plus bonus for exceeding expectations. You will work hard, but make some cake. Please call 250-0202, or stop by Tallard Apartments, 1445 Regent Street.

Randall Park Rentals has studios and 1 bedrooms available next fall. 1320 Spring St. (608) 251-2715 www.colonial-management.com

SERVICES Get a massage this Friday (4/26) from UW Physical Therapy students! 10am-5pm. 30 min massage only $30 ($25 with student ID) Email uwmassagefundraiser@gmail.com to book appointment. Walk-ins welcome!

SC to the good-looking guy at Starbucks Friday night. We were definitely making eyes and then you left after I came back upstairs with coffee. Sorry I didn’t say anything!

Second chance? Sincerely, the girl in the purple zip-up.

SC to the guy I was in line with at Ian’s on friday night. We talked about graduation and Busch Gardens.

I thought you were cute and wish I would’ve gotten your name. Same time tonight?

SC to Zach who works at GDEC. Sorry I sort of blew you off when I saw you Friday. I was having a horrible week and I sort of went crazy.

You’re cool. Give me a shot?

SC to the tall, pale, ginger man walking down state Sunday- get on/at/ with me. Yes this is vague but you were with a shorter brunette girl. Sincerely, tall, pale, ginger lady.

SC to the amazing guy I met this weekend. I liked you.

You liked me. Where did you go? Why did you leave?? We would have made attractive babiezzz SC to the cute girl at Madhatters who kept looking at me the whole night.

I would have gotten you a drink but I was with a group of old friends. Next weekend?

SC the cute blond i met at brats this weekend. Sorry I ran off before getting your number! Hopefully I’ll see you around this weekend?

Sports HISTORY, from 10 “That really made me feel comfortable, and I just had my timing down with the pitching and my weight back like I’ve talked about with the coaches. I just had a good feel today.”

Working with a two-run

CLOWNS, from 10 meat just does me some good,” Kirkby said between intermittent howls in a phone interview. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go back to the group. We have some schoolchildren

lead, McIntosh found her way out of a jam in the top of the fifth inning, stranding two runners on second and third base. She had little else to sweat about the rest of the way and went all seven innings, surrendering only three hits and striking out six.

Despite the Badgers’ lackluster offensive performance, the team picked up wins No. 34 and No. 35 on the season, the most wins in program history.

“We’ve focused all year on saying it’s not all about batting average, but it’s

about scoring runs, and I think the team is buying into that,” Healy said. “Of course we want the batting average to look good. But at the end of the day, who cares if you hit .500 on the day and score no runs?

You’d rather just figure out a way to push runs across.”

on the menu tonight.”

Rounding out the Herald ranks in the batting order is perennial MVP Sean “Diva” Zak. The Herald DL is once again full to bursting, with star shortstop Sigrid “Waffles” Hubertz out

with apathy; centerfielder Leopolda “Muffins” Rocha struggling with a strained frontal lobe; and catcher Nick Daniels questionable with a hangnail because “he’s a wussy.”

Despite the injuries, the Clowns are motivated,

hellbent on revenge and ready to get slightly inebriated.

“I haven’t been able to get the taste of defeat out of my mouth since last year,” Zak said. “Seriously, I ate a fucking piece of dirt from the outfield.”

FINISH, from 10 adjusted with coming back and just letting the defense work …

If they put the ball in play, then they put the ball in play. The defense behind me was great today.”

Meanwhile, the Wildcat pitchers were settling in themselves. Northwestern’s seven hits throughout the day came few and far between, but Wisconsin’s total of just eight meant the Badgers had to do a lot with a little in order to sweep the doubleheader.

Timely hitting continues to propel UW The Wildcats had their infield pulled in, helping Mary

Massei’s groundball squeak through the infield for a single. Just a few pitches later, senior Whitney Massey tied the game with a wind-aided fly ball that stretched over the left-centerfield fence. Just an inning later, with the score still tied, the timing was perfect for another climatic Wisconsin strike.

Any type of hit would have been timely for senior first baseman Shannel Blackshear, who entered Game 2 having gone 0-for-11 in the Badgers’ last four games. With a pitch tailored toward her inside corner, Blackshear broke her slump with a rocketed line drive double to the base of the outfield fence.

The Badger Herald | Sports | Thursday, April 25, 2013

9

B1G weekend for men’s tennis Christian Karcher Men’s Tennis Writer

Kelsey Fenton The Badger Herald

After a successful spring season with his new team, first year Wisconsin head coach Kelly Sheffield is striving to show his players the discipline and work habits he expects.

Badgers growing under Sheffield Lee Gordon Volleyball Writer In his first season as Wisconsin’s head volleyball coach, Kelly Sheffield led the Badgers to a 5-1 record during spring play. The Badger Herald sat down with Sheffield for a conversation about the team’s concluding spring season.

The Badger Herald: What is the biggest change you have seen in the team this spring?

Kelly Sheffield: I think we’re heading in an area, mentally, that I want to see us in. I think elite teams challenge each other. They look for the good in each other, and they do it with enthusiasm. I think we’re getting better in those areas than what we were. I think the other thing is embracing challenges—when you’re trying to do special things, you’re going to hit a lot of barriers. What do you do when those barriers are in front of you—do you stop and turn around and go the other direction, or do you try to plow through it? I think we’re doing a better job of handling adversity and handling the challenges.

BH: What has been the biggest surprise for you since becoming head coach

at Wisconsin?

KS: The support of the community, of how much they follow this team and how important this team is to them. The number of emails I get on a weekly basis is [a lot], from some people just passing on their support, and others that are just saying what they’re seeing and other people that are saying ‘You’re an idiot.

How about you try to fix this technique on somebody?’

There are a lot of opinions. And to me, that’s awesome. We want that kind of passion. I hope that we see more people that are behind this team and this program and getting excited.

I would say that’s probably something that’s been a pleasant surprise.

BH: What has the team improved on the most?

KS: Trying to practice at a pace that I think we need to be practicing. I think we’re getting a little bit better at that. Communicating the right way on the court—I think we’re getting better at that. I think our serving saw a lot of progress. Our passing got better—not a lot better, but we’re making steady progress in those areas…Never giving up on a ball defensively—we’ve got a long ways to go on that.

My defensive philosophy is safety last. If there’s a ball, you go get it. I think we’re developing a mentality that I want to see us have defensively.

BH: Has any player on the team stepped more into a leadership role?

KS: We’ve been talking about leadership the last couple of days. We just named captains; I think captains are kind of important but what I think is really critical is leadership. I’m much more of a leadership guy than I am a captain guy. I think leadership can come from a whole lot of people, a lot of different people -- people utilizing their strengths, and throwing that into the pot and stirring that up, and that just becomes the fabric of the team. We get leadership from somebody like Courtney Thomas, and just the competitive drive that rubs off on people.

Or the leadership from an Annemarie Hickey, with her willingness to work on her game every single day by herself, when nobody else is in the gym. You get leadership from a Claire Raddatz and her willingness to do anything for the team.

You get it from a Dominique Thompson and her integrity

and holding everybody else to that same integrity. That leadership comes from so many different people. It doesn’t come from just one person.

BH: Who did you name as team captains for the fall?

KS: They named [the captains]. The team did.

The captains are Annemarie Hickey, Julie Mikaelsen and Kt Kvas.

BH: What do you think the biggest challenge for the team has been this spring?

KS: Understanding my humor has probably been a challenge. Anytime you have a coaching change, just learning what the culture is going to be like is a challenge vecause you don’t know. And when you don’t know, you have a tendency of sitting back. You’re not going to be great by just sitting back and watching; you’ve got to be able to nose out and just go.

We wanted them to get as comfortable as possible, so they can just go. Also, there are things that we feel like they need to be disciplined at. And there are consequences for those types of things. So you’re trying to let them get comfortable but you’re also trying to create a very high standard. And also trying to have fun.

NFL Draft worth watching Spencer Smith Spence’s Two Cents From its humble beginnings in a New York City hotel conference room in 1980 to the now three-day spectacle held in Radio City Music Hall, the NFL draft has elevated to the status of an ultimate live in primetime reality show as analysts, fans and players wait in desperate anticipation to hear the next name to begin a professional playing career.

And although the draft may very well determine the fate of each team’s near future and provide a true look into the amount of effort and emotion that goes into this day, football fans still don’t think the draft is worth several hours of their weekend.

Here are five reasons why I think the 2013 NFL draft is worth spending the weekend glued to the couch or bar stool.

Unpredictability: The first five picks in the 2012 NFL draft were all but locked up with the Indianapolis Colts announcing their No. 1 overall pick of Andrew Luck two days before the draft was set to begin. This year couldn’t be any more

different.

The Kansas City Chiefs are on the clock and only they know (maybe) whose name will be called first in New York Thursday night.

Many people believe it will be Texas A&M tackle Luke Joeckel to take the stage, but that’s not certain with the possibility of Central Michigan tackle Eric Fisher stealing the top spot.

After that, it’s a complete tossup with teams like Jacksonville and Oakland who have several needs and no clear cut favorite to fill them. Trades will definitely play a part in the first round as well with several teams looking to move positions in the draft.

Depth: Although this year’s draft class doesn’t hold any surefire superstars, it does feature one of the deepest classes in recent memory. Almost every position other than quarterback seems to have at least five or more players who have the potential to be a solid starter in the league.

This depth is highlighted by the number of highquality offensive linemen entering the 2013 draft.

While drafting a player to fill space in the trenches isn’t the most exciting pick compared to picking a skill player with sub-4.5 speed or a quarterback that can throw a country mile, having an anchor on the line can open up a running game or a passing attack you never

thought your team had.

Even the running back position has a tremendous amount of depth. Sure, there isn’t anyone like Trent Richardson or Doug Martin to be picked early, but guys like Alabama’s Eddie Lacy, Wisconsin’s Montee Ball and South Carolina’s Marcus Lattimore, all had outstanding college careers.

Quarterbacks: There will always be teams in need of a new quarterback, but this year’s class seemingly offers no day one starters.

That won’t stop teams from reaching for a quarterback much earlier than the player’s skill level merits.

Will Philadelphia go for a guy like Geno Smith with the No. 4 pick or will Buffalo reach for Ryan Nassib with the No. 8 pick?

The Green Room: Ah, the green room, where so many hopes and dreams of being drafted in the top ten come crashing down on national television. It’s always entertaining to watch guys sweat in the green room as more and more picks go by without their name being called. Think back to guys like Brady Quinn or Aaron Rodgers who were left to sit in the green room for more than 20 selections before they were finally spared from the agony.

More players than ever are declining invitations to stay in the green room, but 23 athletes are still brave enough to sit in on the draft.

That will leave plenty of opportunities for someone in the green room to slip further down the board than expected. My money’s on Florida State quarterback E.J. Manuel to sweat it out the longest in the green room. He’ll be lucky to be drafted in the second round.

Intriguing story lines: The 2013 draft class provides several enticing storylines but none more fascinating than that of Manti Te’o. On Thursday, we will finally find out how the whole fake girlfriend fiasco will affect his draft stock and how the ruthless fans that attend the draft will welcome the Golden Domer to the NFL. Marcus Lattimore is another interesting story to watch as the draft unfolds.

Before Lattimore’s gruesome leg injury last season, the South Carolina product was a first round lock and probably would have been a top ten pick. Now coming off of surgery, one team will get the ultimate bargain in the third or fourth round if Lattimore is able to come back and play like he did for the Gamecocks.

Finally, several Wisconsin alumni are looking to enter the NFL during the weekend with Ball and center Travis Frederick likely to be the first two Badgers taken.

Neither are likely to be taken in the first round, but both will go sometime on Friday in the second or third round.

After a 6-1 win against Nebraska this Sunday, the Wisconsin men’s tennis team clinched the No. 8 seed in the Big Ten tournament that is set to get underway this weekend.

The Badgers finished the Big Ten regular season with a record of 4-7 in conference. In addition, the team won three of its last four Big Ten match ups, putting them in prime position to make a postseason run.

The Badgers traveled to Columbus Wednesday in preparation for their first match at 8 a.m.

Central Time on Thursday.

Wisconsin will play Purdue, the No. 9 seed, for the chance to challenge the Big Ten’s reigning champions, and No. 1 seeded, Ohio State.

Two weeks ago the Boilermakers paid a visit to Wisconsin’s Nielsen Tennis Center and fell to the Badgers 4-3. Purdue started out strong taking two doubles wins and clinching the doubles point. In singles, the Boilermakers grabbed two quick victories at the one and six positions. With the backs against a wall the Badgers pulled out four wins, including three with a set decided by a tiebreak.

This win broke Wisconsin’s six-match Big Ten losing streak.

“Purdue is a good team,” head coach Greg Van Emburgh said. “Obviously, they will be seeking some revenge, so we will have to be ready right from the start at 9 o’clock [8 a.m.

CDT]. We cannot take anything for granted; we know that the margin of error is going to be small.

We have to bring our A game.”

Despite knowing it will be a close match, the players have a lot of confidence going into the game. The team has been playing its best tennis as of late, and its play has only improved since the 4-3 win against Purdue.

“It gives me more confidence going into the game,” freshman Jakhongir Jalalov said. “I know we have already beaten them once. Now we can put pressure on them to beat us because we already know we have the ability to win.”

Beating Purdue will still be no easy task as the squad has three wins against ranked opponents this year. Also the Boilermakers are an upperclassman heavy team, providing much needed experience in the Big Ten tournament the young Badgers lack; however, what the Badgers lack in experience, they make up for in confidence.

“All we have to do is stay confident, stay positive and believe in ourselves and we can beat Purdue,” freshman Oskar Wikberg said.

If Wisconsin’s confidence does pull through and help clinch a victory, the Badgers still have a long road before they can make it to the championship game. The biggest of all these challenges will be their second round matchup against Ohio State.

“Right now in our conference, the only team that is really ahead and above everyone else is Ohio State,” Van Emburgh said. “They haven’t lost a match this year in the conference. I think they have only one in the last eight to ten years. They are clearly a very strong team.”

The Buckeyes have won six of the last seven Big Ten men’s tennis titles, and are the clear favorite to pick up their seventh in eight years. Ohio State went 11-0 in conference play this year and have only two losses all year, both 4-3 losses to Virginia and Texas A&M. All three of the Buckeye’s doubles duos are ranked in the top 75 in the country.

They also boast five ranked singles players out of six, including Peter Kobelt, who is ranked ninth in the country. If the Badgers do get past Purdue, they have the tennis equivalent of a stone wall in front of them.

“This will be our best opportunity to beat Ohio State,” Van Emburgh said.

“We have really be playing well as of late, and as long as we play confident, loose and aggressive, I think we will be able to stick with them.”

After last weekend’s victories the Badgers moved up the rankings to 59th in the nation.

This puts them right at the cusp of making the NCAA tournament. A Big Ten tournament run could propel the Badgers into a tournament where anything can happen.

Sports Editor Nick Korger sports@badgerherald.com

10 | Sports | Thursday, April 25, 2013

SPORTSSlow starts, strong finish Rough first innings in doubleheader not enough to stop Wisconsin sweep Sean Zak Associate Sports Editor

Jill Peter The Badger Herald

Wisconsin benefitted from the power hitting of junior Michelle Mueller, who blasted two home runs throughout the course of the team’s doubleheader sweep against Northwestern Wednesday.

One for the history books Wisconsin sets school record for wins in a season with victories against Northwestern Dan Corcoran Softball Writer With a slightly more springlike afternoon Wednesday at Goodman Diamond, warmer temperatures did not accompany hotter hitters in a Big Ten doubleheader between Wisconsin and Northwestern. But despite only scraping together eight hits between the two games, the Badgers found a way to score seven runs, taking the two games by scores of 3-1 and 4-2, respectively.

It wasn’t Wisconsin (359 overall, 12-5 Big Ten) who struck first in either game, as the Wildcats (25-18, 9-7) notched all three of their runs in the first innings of both games. Northwestern leadoff hitter Kristin Scharkey led off the first game against Wisconsin ace junior Cassandra Darrah with a triple and subsequently scored when the second batter, Mari Majam, brought her home on a single.

Darrah knew that the Wildcats were a very

capable offensive team – Northwestern is second in batting average in the Big Ten tied with Wisconsin at .313 – and remained composed after yielding the two hits and run to open the game.

“I just needed to slow things down. I know that they score because they’re big hitters, so that didn’t really fluster me or anything. I just knew I needed to shut down the next couple [of hitters] to slow them down,” Darrah said.

Wisconsin head coach Yvette Healy also recognized the talent present in the top of the Northwestern batting order, but also credited her pitchers – senior Meghan McIntosh threw for Wisconsin in Game 2 – with being strong in coming back to shut the Wildcats down after both shaky first innings.

“The top of their order is very good. Northwestern, they work the count and score a ton of runs. I put the credit to their one and two hitter. They’re really nice leadoff kids,” Healy said regarding the Wildcats’ Scharkey and Majam. “The

pitchers did settle in. After giving up runs, I think they showed a lot of composure. I give credit to coach [Tracie] Adix, our pitching coach. She’s a bulldog and she’s tough. And I think the pitchers are taking on her persona a little bit.”

After Wisconsin fell down 1-0 to open the first game, Darrah kept the Badgers down only one and stranded two runners on base in the top of the first inning. Then in the bottom of the inning, Wisconsin took the lead right back. With the bases full of Badgers, thanks to three walks from Northwestern starter Amy Letourneau, junior Stephanie Peace beat out a throw home on a grounder back to the mound to tie the game at one. One batter later, freshman Macy Oswald earned yet another walk to force a run in and give Wisconsin the lead.

That proved to be all Wisconsin would yield, as Darrah went all seven innings and gave up only four hits for victory No. 20 on the season.

Junior third baseman Michelle Mueller gave the

Badgers some insurance in the seventh inning when she crushed a 2-0 pitch over the fence in left center.

When Wisconsin fell behind 2-0 to start the second game, it looked as if it might not come back. The Badgers were held hitless through the second inning until senior left fielder Kendall Grimm bounced a single up the middle in the third. Only one batter later, senior Whitney Massey went deep for the Badgers with her 11th home run of the season and tied the game at two.

In the bottom of the fourth, it was Mueller at the plate with a runner on second base.

And once again, Mueller provided the Badgers with the insurance they needed when her home run barely eclipsed the center field fence.

“I felt pretty confident,” Mueller said of her performance at the plate. “We worked on a lot of small ball and brought out the small ball machine and hit some small ball from about noon on.

HISTORY, page 8

From the outset of each softball game Wednesday afternoon, Wisconsin’s outlook for remaining third in the Big Ten appeared rather bleak.

Northwestern struck first in the opening inning of both affairs.

It twice looked as if Wisconsin might drop another home game, but each time the Badgers settled in and each time they found themselves walking off Goodman Diamond victorious.

The pair of wins vaulted Wisconsin (359, 12-5 Big Ten) a few inches closer to second place — currently held

by Nebraska — and a few inches further from Northwestern (25-18, 9-7), who stood in fourth place before dropping to sixth with the pair of losses.

With a total of just 10 runs scored through the two games, it was clear that either great pitching was plentiful or great hitting was lacking. In the end, it was a combination of the two.

Badgers’ pitchers settle in after shaky starts It didn’t take long for Northwestern to scare Wisconsin Wednesday afternoon. With junior ace Cassandra Darrah toeing the rubber for the Badgers, the everpotent Wildcat offense tabbed a quick run on the scoreboard when leadoff speedster Kristin Scharkey started the game with a triple and Mari Majam followed with a hit of her own.

It was nothing new for the Wildcats, who came in averaging nearly 10 runs per game throughout their thenfive game winning streak.

It was nothing new to Wisconsin either.

“I think they had lit us up for 10 or 15 hits a game the last couple of years,” UW head coach Yvette Healy said.

She became quickly impressed as Northwestern would tally just two more hits the entire game. Darrah settled in after a long first inning of work and kept Northwestern scoreless for the remaining six innings, earning her 20th win this season.

The same script unfolded in the second game of the doubleheader as the Northwestern offense jumped out to a quick start once more.

Wisconsin’s Game 2 starter Meghan McIntosh had trouble finding her spots within the strike zone in the first frame as Scharkey was on again, this time with a leadoff walk and stolen base.

She advanced to third on what originally looked like an out, but was actually ruled an illegal pitch when McIntosh’s drag foot lost contact with the ground.

Seconds later, the UW senior took the mound for the redo and had trouble finding the zone, walking the next batter.

An ensuing hit and error allowed two Wildcats to plate runs, putting the Badgers in an early hole once again.

“I think her tempo was a little off in that first inning,” pitching coach Tracie Adix said. “I think the illegal pitch kind of flustered her a little bit …

I think that kind of gets to her a bit, then you get concerned of [the umpires] watching you constantly and you’re not necessarily focusing on the pitch.”

But as was the theme for the day, McIntosh settled into a groove of her own. Like Darrah, McIntosh only allowed a pair of hits after the first inning, going the distance like her teammate, allowing just the two runs and striking out six Northwestern batters.

“I just wasn’t hitting my spots in the first inning,” McIntosh said. “Then I

FINISH,page 8

Bird season for Clowns of BH Carl Golden Everybody’s Friend The last time The Badger Herald beat the Daily Cardinal in softball, Lance Armstrong was still an American hero, the world was beginning to embrace Bieber fever and MTV’s Jersey Shore had only completed its first viewerenriching season.

Although no time in history can ever hope to repeat such a golden age as that magical month of May 2010, the Gentle Clowns (1-0) are hoping to break their curse against the Dirtiest of Birds (0-Life) Saturday afternoon on the diamonds of soggy Vilas Park.

After an inspired and complete ass-kicking on the gridiron this past October over their campus rival, the Clowns hope to send out the greatest Clown of all, Editor-in-Chief and Dictator-for-life Ryan “Durkin” Rainey, a champion one final time.

“This game is all about honoring Ryan,” a blushing managing editor/secretary Kathy Cougar said, staring at a life-size marble bust of the EIC in her room she may or may not have made in her spare time.

“He’s just … he’s amazing,OK? He’s like a combination of Barbara Bush, Bill O’Reilly and Oprah.”

Leading the Clowns’ effort on the mound for the second consecutive year will be the lovable Ian “Big Bird” McCue, whose job was not slashed by

Mitt Romney due to his binders full of pitches. McCue will bring to the rubber at least 10 tins of chewing tobacco and his newly perfected “Natty-ball.”

“It starts out really decent and tolerable but eventually leaves you feeling bloated and shitty at the end of the day,” McCue said of the pitch while putting in a plug of tobacco the size of an elephant dropping. “Really, it’s a perfect metaphoric representation of the beer that has led to the downfall of my GPA the past four years.”

If McCue needs relief from his duties — which may be the case if he gets into local bro Noah “G-Money” Goetzel’s backpack Fleischmann stash — the Clowns may have the chance to send out a plethora of young arms from the newsroom.

Cammy “T-Rex” Albert might be available to close if she takes a break from the armwrestling circuit, Julia “Yeti” Skulstad will throw “if she feels like it,” and Tara “Mud” Golshan will pitch only if design director Angus McNair admits he is capable of showing emotion.

“Holy G-force Batman! What the potatoes do I do with all this talent?” Herald manager and manhole cover fan Andy Fate said.

With the pitching set in stone, the hopes of the Herald lie solely on the bats of two of the most prolific hitters of all time: Katie “Kittens” Caron and Sean “Wolfman” Kirkby.

The only problem is, neither

Kelsey Fenton The Badger Herald

Sports Content Editor Nick Daniels reacts to catching an unexpected touchdown pass in The Badger Herald’s glorious domination of The Daily Cardinall in the papers’ annual football game. of the two are anywhere near Madison.

Three days ago, Caron was spotted on a sleigh being pulled by a team of 16 stray felines to what she called “the magical Spanish kingdom of Cat-alonia”. The Clowns are in desperate need of the sensational sophomore, whose whiskers and knowledge of the Dirty

Birds’ players with allergies to felis catus have made her an extremely effective ninelives player.

While Caron brings the finesse, Kirkby hits for pure power. Besides serving as Barry Bonds’ trainer for most of his youth, one of Kirkby’s hits in the 2011 rivalry game actually exited the earth’s atmosphere and

punctured a hole in the International Space Station.

Hearing of the dire situation and the suffocating Russian cosmonauts, Kirkby simply hit his next home run in the same spot “to debrain one of the damn ruskies.”

Recently discovered to be in the vicinity of Northern Wisconsin, thanks to being collared and castrated by the

Wisconsin Department of Natural Resources, in 2010 as part of an ongoing study on wolf behavior, Kirkby has recently taken the title of alpha-male in a pack making its territorial claim just south of Tomahawk in his latest power-training regimen.

“This fresh air and raw

CLOWNS, page 8