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Bahá’í Publishing 415 Linden Avenue, Wilmette, Illinois 60091-2844 Copyright © 1973, 1988, 2009 by the National Spiritual Assembly of the Bahá’ís of the United States All rights reserved. Published 2009 Printed in the United States of America on acid-free paper ∞ 12 11 10 09 4 3 2 1
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data Marriage : a fortress for well-being. —Rev. ed. p. cm. Includes bibliographical references and index. ISBN 978-1-931847-63-6 (pbk. : alk. paper) 1. Marriage—Religious aspects—Bahai Faith. HQ525.B33F67 2009 297.9’3563—dc22 2009023040
Cover design by Bob Reddy Book design by Patrick Falso
Table of Contents Foreword.............................................ix Part One: Understanding Marriage in Light of God’s Purpose for Humanity 1. God’s Purpose for Humanity: Implications for Marriage.............. 5 Carrying Forward an Ever-Advancing Civilization.........12 Promoting the Oneness of Mankind..............................18 Acquiring Virtues, Loving, and Knowing............................ 26
2. The Foundation of Spiritual Union............................31 Submission to the Will of God...... 37 Love of God.............................. 39 v
Contents
Loyalty, Chastity, and Detachment.............................. 46 Equality of Men and Women....... 58
3. The Purpose of Marriage............. 65 Part Two: Preparation for Marriage in Light of God’s Purpose for Humanity 4. Bahá’í Engagement.......................81 Knowing Each Other— Knowing Oneself ........................82 Detachment.............................. 94 Honesty and Trustworthiness........ 97 Meeting Tests........................... 106 Assessing Relationships with Others............................. 110
5. Parental Consent........................123 6. The Ceremony...........................139
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Contents
7. Interracial Marriage.................... 151 8. Prayers for Marriage...................159 Prayer for the Family.................176 Prayer for Husbands..................178 Prayers for Parents.....................179 Prayer for Expectant Mothers....... 182 Prayers for Infants.....................183 Prayers for Children...................185
Part Three: Building a Fortress for Well-Being 9. Building and Maintaining the Fortress.................................197 10. Unity: The Strength of the Fortress....................................... 211 Conditions that Maintain Unity........................220
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Contents
Immaturity and Maintaining Unity.....................................236 Spiritualizing the Union.............239 The Role of Prayer and Studying the Writings in Preserving a Marriage..............................242
11. Seeking Assistance from the Spiritual Assembly............... 253 12. Remarriage.................................261 13. Conclusion................................ 267 Bibliography.....................................271 Index............................................... 277
viii
Foreword What is marriage? In the Bahá’í Faith, marriage is described as a “fortress for well-being,” a divine institution that improves the spiritual life of the marriage partners and fosters the spiritual and social development of their children. Marriage itself is fundamental to the growth of an ever-advancing civilization. The Bahá’í writings state that with the coming of each new Prophet or Manifestation of God and the inauguration of each new cycle in religious history, some social laws are abrogated, but the law of marriage remains eternal.
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God’s Purpose for Humanity: Implications for Marriage Important determinants of the success of a marriage are the convictions of the couple concerning the purpose of life and its fulfillment. A couple’s commitment to and their expectations of each other are often based on this shared understanding of the purpose of life. These commitments and expectations will, in turn, affect their feelings and behavior 5
Marriage: A Fortress for Well-Being
toward each other, thereby determining the quality of their relationship. This is true of human relationships in general, but it has particular significance for the marital relationship because of its extensive implications for the stability of the family and society. Bahá’í marriage can best be understood in light of the Bahá’í teachings on God’s purpose for humanity. Our primary purpose is to recognize the Manifestation of God for the day in which we live and to follow His laws. When a husband and wife make their marriage serve God’s purpose for humanity, it will be based on the spiritual reality of humanity and will therefore become a “fortress for well-being.”* As a divine institution, it will also provide * Bahá’u’lláh, in Bahá’u’lláh, the Báb, and ‘Abdu’l-Bahá, Bahá’í Prayers, p. 118.
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God’s Purpose for Humanity
all the essentials for fostering the spiritual and social development of children. Thus, gaining a fuller understanding of God’s purpose for humanity is the best preparation for marriage and the most effective preserver of a marital union that has already been formed. The first duty prescribed by God for His servants is the recognition of Him Who is the Dayspring of His Revelation and the Fountain of His laws, Who representeth the Godhead in both the Kingdom of His Cause and the world of creation. Whoso achieveth this duty hath attained unto all good. . . . —Bahá’u’lláh (The Kitáb-i-Aqdas, ¶1)
The purpose underlying all creation is the revelation of this most sublime, this most holy Day, the Day known 7
Marriage: A Fortress for Well-Being
as the Day of God, in His Books and Scriptures. . . . —Bahá’u’lláh (Quoted in The Advent of Divine Justice, ¶110)
The purpose of God in creating man hath been, and will ever be, to enable him to know his Creator and to attain His Presence.—Bahá’u’lláh (Gleanings from the Writings of Bahá’u’lláh, no. 29.1)
I bear witness, O my God, that Thou hast created me to know Thee and to worship Thee.—Bahá’u’lláh (Bahá’í Prayers, p. 4)
Having created the world and all that liveth and moveth therein, He, through the direct operation of His unconstrained and sovereign Will,
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God’s Purpose for Humanity
chose to confer upon man the unique distinction and capacity to know Him and to love Him—a capacity that must needs be regarded as the generating impulse and the primary purpose underlying the whole of creation.—Bahá’u’lláh (Gleanings from the Writings of Bahá’u’lláh, no. 27.2)
All men have been created to carry forward an ever-advancing civilization. The Almighty beareth Me witness: To act like the beasts of the field is unworthy of man. Those virtues that befit his dignity are forbearance, mercy, compassion and lovingkindness towards all the peoples and kindreds of the earth.—Bahá’u’lláh (Gleanings from the Writings of Bahá’u’lláh, no. 109.2)
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Marriage: A Fortress for Well-Being
(The purpose of our lives is) to acquire virtues.—‘Abdu’l-Bahá (Paris Talks, no. 55.2)
Of the principles enshrined in these Tablets the most vital of them all is the principle of the oneness and wholeness of the human race, which may well be regarded as the hallmark of Bahá’u’lláh’s Revelation and the pivot of His teachings. Of such cardinal importance is this principle of unity that it is expressly referred to in the Book of His Covenant, and He unreservedly proclaims it as the central purpose of His Faith. —Shoghi Effendi (God Passes By, pp. 216–17)
Because our spiritual progress and fulfillment depend upon an awareness and an acceptance of our purpose in 10
God’s Purpose for Humanity
life, the ideal conditions for marriage are those that assist men and women to know and love God and His creation, to acquire virtues, to promote the oneness of mankind,* and to carry forward an ever-advancing civilization. When partners in marriage strive mutually to foster these aspirations in each other, sacrifice of self is required. When this is achieved they will find, in the words of ‘Abdu’l-Bahá, “ideal relationship, union and happiness.” † When marriage partners are united, they are happier, more
* Rú¥íyyih Rabbani has reported (“To the Bahá’í Youth,” p. 6) that Shoghi Effendi said “the object of life to a Bahá’í is to promote the oneness of mankind.” See also Shoghi Effendi, The World Order of Bahá’u’lláh, pp. 43–44. † ‘Abdu’l-Bahá, in Bahá’í World Faith, p. 373.
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Marriage: A Fortress for Well-Being
effective in their service to others, and freer to develop spiritually, morally, and intellectually. Carrying Forward an EverAdvancing Civilization Marriage is the foundation of a good family; good families in turn are the foundation of a stable civilization. Spiritual marriages will produce spiritual families, from which a spiritual civilization may emerge. O peerless Lord! In Thine almighty wisdom Thou hast enjoined marriage upon the peoples, that the generations of men may succeed one another in this contingent world, and that ever, so long as the world shall last, they may busy themselves at the Threshold of Thy oneness 12
God’s Purpose for Humanity
with servitude and worship, with salutation, adoration and praise. —‘Abdu’l-Bahá (Bahá’í Prayers, pp. 118–19)
Compare the nations of the world to the members of a family. A family is a nation in miniature. Simply enlarge the circle of the household, and you have the nation. Enlarge the circle of nations, and you have all humanity. The conditions surrounding the family surround the nation. The happenings in the family are the happenings in the life of the nation. Would it add to the progress and advancement of a family if dissensions should arise among its members, all fighting, pillaging each other, jealous and revengeful of injury, seeking selfish advantage? Nay, this would be 13
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