Winter 2016
Handling Tantrums With winter safely behind us, everyone is ready and eager to go outside and enjoy the sunshine (parents and children alike)! However, sometimes the behavior of our child can make us think twice about stepping out into a public place. Elizabeth Pantley offers some guidance on handling problem behaviors such as tantrums: When children feel angry, frustrated or helpless, the result is often a tantrum. Little kids kick, scream and flop on the ground. Big kids yell and lose control. Tantrums are normal, natural and inevitable. But they aren’t any fun!
you while you have your tantrum. You can have as long a tantrum as you like, or may choose to read a book or play quietly. You can come out of the room when you are done.” Step 3: Follow Through. When your child has a tantrum lead him or guide him to the Tantrum Place. If an older child won’t go, offer a choice: You can go or lose a privilege. Then calmly say, You may come out when you’re done. Return him to the room if he comes out early saying, Oh, you’re not done yet. You may have to do this often at first, but the tantrums will die off quickly because of the lack of attention they get. When it’s over, it’s over. Don’t feel the need to lecture, teach, or moralize afterwards!
How do parents usually deal with tantrums? a.) they give in, b.) they yell or threaten, c.) they spank, or often, d.) they throw a tantrum of their own!
What about tantrums away from home? Many children have learned to throw tantrums away from home because Mom and Dad don’t enforce the rules out in public. You must bite the bullet a few times in order to put a quick end to this behavior. Take a deep breath, ignore the onlookers and follow this plan:
Having a plan in advance is the best way to deal with tantrums. Like many aspects of parenting, the more prepared you are, the better you can handle the situation, and the easier it is to keep your own anger under control.
Step 1: Give a choice. You can stop this behavior, or we can leave the store. Wait, just a moment, and then:
The Plan of Action Step 1: Pick a tantrum place. Decide where all future tantrums will take place. Pick a private, small, safe room like a bedroom, bathroom or laundry room. Step 2: Explain the new rule to your child at a calm and quiet time. “Nathan, a tantrum is when you are very angry and scream and cry and stamp your feet. From now on, when you have a tantrum we want you to do it in the bedroom with the door closed. No one will bother
Step 2: Change the location. “I see you’ve decided to leave the store.” At this point you have several choices, depending on the child’s behavior, your schedule and your mood. You can either have a time out in the car [while you stand outside the car and ignore him] or you can go home. One father of a three-year-old said that with his busy schedule this would be just impossible! I pointed out that he could take the time now or live through public tantrums until his daughter was sixteen! [Tantrums need an audience to be effective.] ®2002 Elizabeth Pantley, author of “Kid Cooperation & Perfect Parenting”
Bair’s Asheville office at Executive Park
What is The Bair Foundation & What is Kinship? The Bair Foundation is a child and family ministry with nearly 50 years of experience in the field of child welfare. Our Asheville office has been providing therapeutic foster care to local abused and neglected youth since 2009. We recruit and retain quality homes in Asheville and the surrounding areas that are able to provide structure, stability, safety, and love to children in the foster care system. The Bair Foundation actively recruits teen homes and families who are willing to take sibling groups, as that is where the need is greatest. The objective of our ministry is to strengthen families and ultimately provide permanency for these children, either through returning home, foster-to-adopt, legal guardianship, or kinship care. Kinship Care is a program designed to help support a child who resides outside of his or her own home, either temporarily or for the long term, with a relative, godparents, stepparents or any adult who has a “kinship bond” with a child. Kinship Care is an option that allows a child to grow into adulthood in a familiar family environment instead of being placed in foster care. THANK YOU Kinship families for providing transitional care for your “kin” while their biological parents complete the steps necessary so their children can return home.
Questions? Gabrielle Keath, Kinship Coordinator The Bair Foundation Executive Park Suite 108 - Bldg. 1 Asheville, NC 28801 (828) 350-5197 (877) 213-0723 toll free (828) 350- 5199 fax email: GKeath@bair.org Buncombe County Dept. of Social Services 40 Coxe Avenue, PO Box 7408 Asheville, NC 28802 (828) 250-5500 (828) 250-6235 fax Your support is vital! If you would like to help/give/hold a donation drive please contact Gabrielle Keath.
Kinship Resources The Macaroni Kid Are you and the kiddo’s ready to break out of the house now that the cold weather is gone? Macaroni Kid is a great resource if you are looking for some local activities that are going on in your community! Macaroni Kid is a free weekly newsletter and website that delivers news on all the kid and family friendly events going on locally. Go to the website and sign up so that you can have the scoop on planning your family fun this spring!
http://asheville.macaronikid.com Camp Cedar Cliff in Asheville It is time to start registering children for Summer Camps! Camp Cedar Cliff is accepting registration for children to attend their summer camp. The two words describing the core of what Camp Cedar Cliff stands for are: adventure and eternity. Children experience the wonderful outdoors and the eternal elements are packed in to every part of the camp experience. They also offer scholarship to families who may not be able to afford summer camp! Check out their scholarship application online at http://campcedarcliff.org/ways-to-save/ and see if you qualify for discount/scholarship!
Augustine Project: Literacy Council of Buncombe County The Augustine Project® seeks to improve the academic achievement and thereby the self esteem of low-income children and teens who struggle with literacy skills. The project trains tutors who provide free, 1-on-1, long-term instruction in reading, writing and spelling. Tutoring usually takes place 2-3 times a week at the child’s school during the school day if teachers and administrators are amenable. Alternate tutoring sites may include after school programs. Lessons last approximately 50 minutes. To receive services a student must qualify for free or reduced lunches through the schools, be in 1st-12th grade, and be performing below grade level in reading, writing or spelling. It is not necessary that the student have an IEP to qualify for a tutor. The director maintains a waiting list of eligible students. If you would like to recommend a student for services, please email lily@litcouncil.com or call (828) 254-3442 x. 202.
A Season of Giving
M
ost people don’t give because it is required, they give because it’s the right thing to do and because they have a passion to make the lives of others better by their giving. We are so blessed to have so many community supporters who are willing to walk beside us as we support our local kinship families. We can’t thank them enough for providing clothing, entertainment, food, gift cards, and free camps for children; things we alone could not provide for those children coming into care at a moment’s notice.
Thanksgiving meals for Buncombe County kinship families thanks to Emmaus Asheville!
Thank you for your encouragement, resources, and helping hand as we continue to keep children safe and families strong. Whatever you give will certainly come back to you in ways you can’t imagine.
Thanksgiving Grocery Give Away November proved to be a very eventful month in the Kinship Program. Over the summer we experienced some transitions with our local partners, and were unsure if we would be able to assist Kinship Families needing Thanksgiving help as a result. However, a group of people from Emmaus Asheville stepped up after being presented with the need and helped provide ten Thanksgiving meals to families that were in need this holiday! We are so thankful for our local partners who help support our Kinship Families in their awesome work!
Christimas Tack Sacks for Buncombe foster children thanks to the Tack Room
A Tack Room Christmas The Tack Room hosted another beautiful Tack Room Christmas this year, where families came to pick up Tack Sacks filled with Christmas presents for Kinship children. Millie Lewis organizes this event with such care that each Kinship Family that receives a Tack Sack cannot help but know the love behind the hands that prepared it. We at Bair are so grateful for the people who give of their own resources and time to bless others! The Tack Room has partnered with The Bair Foundation faithfully over the years, blessing families year after year with their love and support.
Christmas is for Kids Event thanks to Mix 96.5 FM
Christmas is for Kids - Rock Star Party This year Mix 96.5 chose to partner again with The Bair Foundation in reaching out to Kinship families and children, as well as those in foster care. They threw a wonderful Christmas party for families to enjoy festive games, entertainment, crafts, and food! Families and children were blessed with presents that were delivered from the radio station’s toy drive held earlier that week for the families. It was a day of fun that our families will not soon forget!
Rock Star Party!
Biltmore Baptist: Christmas Giving
Biltmore Baptist Church Biltmore Baptist and the Ron Howard Connect Group donated personalized gifts for Kinship Children from their individual wish lists again this year through Angel Tree! Children who may not have received any or very few presents were blessed with beautiful gifts specifically for them. They also provided gift cards to all of the Kinship Providers as a much needed thank you to them for their hard work as caregivers! We are so grateful for the Ron Howard Connect Group and for how they love our Kinship children and parents with words and deeds!
Thank you Mix 96.5 FM!
It’s Farmers Market Time! Farmers markets are a wonderful way to turn grocery shopping into an enjoyable family event! Go and experience delicious, healthy, fresh, and local foods at one of your local farmer’s markets listed below. Not only can you mingle with local farmers and the food they grow, but you can also make payment through your EBT card (as well as credit, debit, or cash).
www.exploreasheville.com/foodtopia/farms-farmers-markets Check out the EBT friendly farmers market locations below: Asheville City Market South Town Square Boulevard Biltmore Park Esplanade Asheville, NC 28803 Phone: (828) 210-1660 Region: Biltmore Park Wednesdays, 12:00-4:00pm. April-October.
West Asheville Tailgate Farmers Market West Asheville Tailgate Market 718 Haywood Road Asheville, NC 28806 Phone: (828) 545-4516 Region: West Asheville Tuesdays, 3:30-6:30pm. April-November.
North Asheville Tailgate Market UNC - Asheville Campus 3300 University Heights Asheville, NC 28801 Phone: (828) 712-4644
Town Square Boulevard Biltmore Park Esplanade Asheville, NC 28803 Phone: (828) 210-1660 Region: Biltmore Park Wednesdays, 12:00-4:00pm. April-October
River Arts District Farmers Market 175 Clingman Avenue Asheville, NC 28801 Region: River Arts District Wednesdays, 2:00-6:00pm. May-November
What is Stepping Stones Triple P? Stepping Stones Triple P is a ten week program that extends the standard Triple P system to specifically address the needs of families who have a child/ or children with a disability. Stepping Stones Triple P aims to help parents develop effective management strategies for dealing with a variety of childhood behavior problems and developmental issues.
How can Stepping Stones Triple P Help? As well as looking at general parenting strategies, from which all children can benefit, this program also looks at specific strategies for children with special needs. This program is recommended for parents of children with a disability who need support to:
Encourage appropriate behavior Manage problem behavior Become more confident Be realistic about parenting Invest in self-care
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