Anonymous (pg

When I think about words of wisdom that changed my way of thinking, I will always remember the words spoken to me by a teacher; “One day, you’ll have to fail at something, and when that happens you’re just going to have to deal with it. ” They didn’t seem to be much more than playful teasing at the time, but they still ring true years later.

Growing up, I viewed failure as the end. There was no hope for redemption, if you failed, that was it. It was over. Looking back, this world view may seem a little extreme, but to a narrow minded child, failure was obsolete. At the time I didn’t know any better. I was the model child, the kid who brought home straight A’s, who never got a call home from the office, who was a pleasure to have in class. These little words of praise I became accustomed to as a child developed into a necessity as I grew older. I had begun to base my worth on what I could achieve rather than who I was as a person. I had to be the model child because I didn’t know who I was otherwise. This dependency on encouragement I had created meant I had no way to view myself or my work objectively. Nothing I did or said had value until someone told me it did. I was only as good as other people thought I was. The problem with this mindset is that it’s an endless and draining cycle. The better you do, the greater your own and other people's expectations are, and the harder you push yourself.

The concept of failure was so foreign that I hadn’t even thought about how I would deal with it if it did occur. So, the first time I didn’t immediately succeed at something, my self confidence shattered. After avoiding failure for so long, I lacked coping skills. Instead of recognizing that it was my first attempt at a new and challenging topic, I zeroed in on the bad grade, the first spot on my flawless record. All I could think about was how others would view me if they knew. It haunted me the rest of the semester, reminding me that I wasn’t as good as everyone else, that I couldn’t measure up and didn’t deserve to be there. Maybe if I had allowed myself to be a little less perfect as a child, I would have had more confidence in my abilities, but after growing up in such a competitive environment, I had no other way of thinking. I couldn’t bounce back because I had never done so before.

The one thing these words of wisdom lacked was an explanation of how to deal with failure. There are millions of ways to cope. The most important thing, however, is to forgive yourself. Even though I may have crashed and burned the first time I was unsuccessful, I’ve grown since then. I will accept myself when it seems like everyone is moving forward but me. I am kind to myself when I don’t do as well as I had hoped. And most importantly, I will forgive myself when I make mistakes, no matter how trivial they seem.

The truth is, no matter how hard you try, there will always be something you're going to fail at, at least the first time. No one is naturally good at everything, and for some people, accepting that can be hard. It’s important to stop viewing failure as a source of shame and disappointment, but rather an inevitable human experience that we can grow from. Our failures do not define us, but neither do our achievements. We must learn to find validation within ourselves rather than from others. Sometimes you will fail, and you just have to deal with it.