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Chapter 10 Elizabeth’s Story
Chapter 10
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Elizabeth’s Story
Hi, I am in my 40 and I am proud to say I am drug-free and in recovery. I grew up in Ballymun, in a loving family home. I was the youngest of 3. I had a good upbringing, but from an early age, I was always running from the family home, running from my inner self. I started drinking alcohol at the age of 13. I loved how it made me feel. It gave me an all-over good feeling and took me away from myself. From that point on, I regularly drank and smoked hash. At age 15 I started to go to pubs. It was at that time that I met a lad, got pregnant and give birth to a beautiful son. Not long after the birth, I was back drinking in pubs and taking acid in nightclubs. I moved into my own flat at age 17. It became a party flat as the rave scene was really big at the time. I would go out socializing on a Thursday and not return until Sunday.
My sister, Mam and Dad would look after my son. It was around this time that I was introduced to heroin. I was at a party, I was high on ecstasy and someone offered me heroin and I took them up on the offer. I fell asleep and when I woke up, I said I will not do that again.
The promise I made to myself was broken a few weeks later when I smoked it again. I was so sick this time, but it did not deter me from smoking it. I loved how it numbed my feelings. I was on a downward spiral with drink and drugs and this took me in and out of abusive relationships and prison. I enrolled on a methadone programme a few years later and I went into a Detox programme for 5 weeks in 1996. After 10 days of being drug-free in treatment, I relapsed the day I got out. I continued using heroin, benzos(benzodiazepines) and then started using crack cocaine. I ended up in a long-term relationship with another drug user and we both continued our drug use. After several years of drug use, my abiding thought was that I was going to die a drug user. This thought scared me, and it prompted me to wean myself off illicit drugs with the help of my family and people in the community.
I remained on the methadone programme for a few years after that. I was afraid to come off methadone as I had been on it for over 20 years. I was terrified that I would end up with psychosis. Life circumstances brought me to the point of taking a long hard look at what I wanted from life. I decided then to do a community detox. I joined a gym, built a solid foundation for myself and then began to wean myself off methadone. I took it very slowly, dropping 1ml a week.
After completing my detox, I joined CA and went through the 12-step programme. Throughout my drug use, my family had taken on the responsibility for rearing my son. Looking back, I brought so much shame and hurt to my son, my family and myself.
In my past, I did things that I am not proud of. I have tried to make amends to all those who loved and cared for me during those chaotic years. I am so blessed to have such an understanding and forgiving son and family. Today life is so different, I am not just physically present, I am fully present. My message to those who are struggling with their drug use is if can do it, anyone can! Recovery can be hard, it’s one day at a time, but I can honestly say that my worst day in recovery is better than my best day in drug use. I was a down and out drug user who would step over anyone to get my next fix. I am now, at long last, drugfree. I could not have done it without the help of my family and friends, but more importantly, I did it for myself. •
