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CONTENTS

COMMUNITY

Around the Community . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .6

THE BALTIMORE JEWISH HOME

OCTOBER 10, 2019

Community Calendar . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 36

JEWISH THOUGHT Rabbi Zvi Teichman. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 34 Eytan Kobre. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 38

In a way, Yom Kippur is the most joyous day of the year. Once a year, we get to withdraw deep inside ourselves and connect to who we really are. All the outer layers of jealousy, lust, and power-seeking seem to fade when the chazzan begins Kol Nidrei… By the time

Rabbi Dr. Naphtali Hoff. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 42

we reach Ne’ilah, the people in shul have been woven into a sort of

PEOPLE

large being. Me and you are out. It’s about us—Klal Yisrael on a

613 Seconds . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 15

HUMOR & ENTERTAINMENT Centerfold. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 46 Notable Quotes. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 48

LIFESTYLES Dating Dialogue. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 54 Mental Health Corner. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 60 Health and Fitness. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 62 Gluten Free Recipe Column. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 64 In The Kitchen . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 64 Your Money. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 78

NEWS Global News. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 18 Israel News . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 25 That’s Odd. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 28

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Dear Readers,

shared destiny. This explains the unfettered joy that follows as the close of Yom Kippur ushers in Sukkos. Indeed, it’s stated in the Gemara that one who hasn’t seen the joy of simchas beis hashoeiva in the Beis Hamikdash hasn’t seen joy in his life! This is the pure joy of celebrating who we are, our heritage, and our future. Perhaps this is a taste of the world to come. Let us try to connect with it, yearn for it, and hopefully experience it very soon. Wishing you a wonderful Shabbos and a most joyous zman simchaseinu, Shalom

The Baltimore Jewish Home is an independent bi-weekly newspaper. All opinions expressed by the journalists, contributors and/or advertisers printed and/or quoted herein are solely their opinions and do not reflect the opinions of BALTIMORE JEWISH HOME, their parent company or affiliates, and may have been previously disseminated by them on television, radio, Internet or another medium. The Baltimore Jewish Home is not responsible for typographical errors, or for the kashrus of any product or business advertised within. The BJH contains words of Torah. Please treat accordingly.

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OCTOBER 10, 2019

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Around the Community

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OCTOBER 10, 2019

Don’t Travel to Israel without This Phone Number

By: BJLife Israel Newsroom BaltimoreJewishLife.com/Jeff Cohn

vromi* and Chaya* were married all of two months when they landed in Ben Gurion Airport this past Rosh Chodesh Elul. Bleary-eyed with exhaustion, they made their way to their new apartment in an unfamiliar neighborhood. Chaya started dusting while Avromi ventured outside to find food and a cell phone plan. When he finally got back two hours later, he found Chaya in extreme pain. Luckily, they had cell phones by then, and they’d had the foresight to come prepared with MDA’s number. An ambulance took them to the hospital. They staggered into the ER and took a seat. But they had no knowledge of the language and no clue how to get a nurse’s attention; it looked like you needed a secret code just to be noticed! It was 4 am in America, but Chaya called her mother anyway. Her mother was hysterical. But she had no idea what to do. Suddenly, a friendly looking woman walked into the emergency room. She was clearly not part of the hospital staff but she seemed to be looking for someone. Her eyes scanned the crowd until they settled on the bewildered couple. She strode over and said, in English, “I’m from Chaim V’Chessed. We’re here to help English speakers in Eretz Yisrael. You look American. Can I help you?”

They nearly cried with relief. Some newcomers only find out about Chaim V’Chessed the hard way. But Chaim V’Chessed’s hotline number - 072-CHESSED - is catchy for a reason: every English speaker should memorize it before they step foot in Israel for any length of time. For over 20 years, Baltimore native Rabbi Paysach Freedman was involved in numerous tzedakah and chessed initiatives that serviced the English-speaking public in Eretz Yisrael. His work opened his eyes to a desperate need. Eretz Yisrael was full of chessed initiatives, but Anglos who were unexposed to Israeli society needed help that was easily accessible. They needed a one-stop, English-speaking organization that would be the first responder in any form of challenge or crisis, holding their hands and helping them navigate every aspect of real life in Eretz Yisrael. In 2014, Chaim V’Chessed was conceptualized and planned by a team

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of rabbanim and askanim. Under the leadership of Rabbi Freedman, the team identified the areas that were potentially most challenging for English speakers in Eretz Yisrael: medical logistics, hospital navigation, women’s health, special education and children’s therapies, mental health referrals, bureaucracy, death and bereavement, and geriatrics. By the summer of 2015, Chaim V’Chessed was staffed with experts in every field and opened its doors to the public. The response was incredible. The calls jumped from ten a day to twenty, then quickly doubled and tripled. Today the organization is averaging 100 new inquiries each day. Its rapid growth reinforced what a critical need it served to fill. Chaim V’Chessed quickly earned a reputation for warmth, professionalism, and effective responses to situations ranging from the most mundane to literally life threatening. According to Harav Nissan Kaplan, longtime maggid shiur in Yeshivas Mir and a prominent leader in Israel’s English speaking community, Chaim V’Chessed’s role is critical. “Chaim V’Chessed has helped my own family many, many times. They have helped hundreds of my talmidim as well. Their work is vital and I strongly encourage people to support them.” It is a concerted effort on many fronts. In the medical department, Chaim V’Chessed helps with scheduling appointments, expediting urgent appointments, and advocating for insurance coverage. A designated expert offers sensitive, confidential guidance on issues pertaining to pregnancy and women’s health. Additionally, three

Chaim V’Chessed hospital representatives circulate throughout Jerusalem-based hospitals to ensure that English speakers have an advocate and a caring presence to be there for them when they are otherwise lost and alone, like Avromi and Chaya were. Tourists have called to say that their lives were literally saved by Chaim V’Chessed when their trip turned sour with a medical crisis and they had no one to turn to for support or advocacy. At Chaim V’Chessed, parents can discuss special education and therapy issues with an expert who “gets” the American mentality, has her finger on the pulse of the Israeli system, can walk them through the application process and can mobilize high-level contacts if need be. In the mental health department, an American social worker working in Israel offers guidance, insights and personalized referrals. The inevitable challenges that virtually every new arrival encounters – visas, property tax, water bills, work permits, and more – are dealt with by Chaim V’Chessed’s trained bureaucratic advisers. Even established families run into bureaucratic challenges, especially when it comes to government benefits for disability, unemployment, old age and the like. Chaim V’Chessed has helped dozens of families file for tens of thousands of shekels in yearly benefits. Yeshiva bochurim, young couples, and seasoned residents have all reported that they feel like Chaim V’Chessed is their caring mother or their ingenious big brother, always ready to put themselves out on a limb for a Jew in need. It is a nonstop chessed operation enabling English speakers to successfully navigate and integrate into the fabric of life in Eretz Yisrael. Chaim V’Chessed lifts the challenge of being alone so that all that is left is the ability to soak up the remarkable avira d’kedusha in Eretz Yisrael, and to enjoy it for as long as possible. Contact Chaim V’Chessed within Eretz Yisrael at 072-CHESSED (072243-7733). To call from outside Israel, dial (718) 407-2448. To learn more or to donate to Chaim V’Chessed, visit www.chaimvchessed.com.

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OCTOBER 10, 2019

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Around the Community

Maryland Health Officials Recommend Stopping Use Of All Vaping Products

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THE BALTIMORE JEWISH HOME

OCTOBER 10, 2019

By: Staff Reporter BaltimoreJewishLife.com/Jeff Cohn

he Maryland Department of Health issued a statement recommending users to refrain using all types of e-cigarette and vaping products as they investigate numerous cases of severe lung

illnesses throughout the state. Officials are urging that vaping and e-cigarette usage is a major public health concern, especially for youth and young adults, as it is still unknown what devices and products are causing people to become ill. The MDH also reports cannabis, or THC, vape products obtained off the

street could pose the most significant risk for individuals. As of Oct. 1, there are a total of 20 reported cases of severe lung illness in

Maryland and many more across the United States, according to officials. Maryland’s Tobacco 21 law goes into effect Oct. 1 and raises the age to purchase tobacco products from 18 to 21. The MDH said the goal of this law is to curb the use of tobacco and electronic smoking device use in youth and young adults.

‘Throwing The Book’: MD Ups Punishments For Drunk And Drugged Drivers By: Staff Reporter BaltimoreJewishLife.com/Jeff Cohn

tarting last Tuesday, drivers will face significantly tougher penalties and harsher jail time for killing someone while under the influence of drugs or alcohol in Maryland. The “Repeat Drunk Driving Offenders Act” (House Bill 707) that takes effect Oct. 1 increases the maximum jail time for those convicted of vehicular homicide while under the

influence from three to five years. It also doubles prison time from five to 10 years for drivers with prior convictions. “The state of Maryland is throwing the book at drunk and impaired drivers who kill or maim others and the same is true for watercraft operators who kill or maim others,” AAA Mid-Atlantic’s Manager of Public and Government Affairs John Townsend said. “Maryland joins the growing list of states continuing to crack down on DUI offenders with prior convictions,” he said. “Research shows that a

person with a prior conviction has 4.1 times the risk of being involved in a fatal automobile crash.” Townsend says that one-third of all traffic crash fatalities in the U.S. and the D.C. area involve drunk drivers. “This is a very serious penalty for a very serious crime,” he said. “Tough enforcement of drunk driving laws has been a major factor in reducing drunk driving deaths since the 1980s.” Included in the law are heavier punishments for impaired drivers convicted of traveling with someone under 18 in the car: one year in jail

for the first offense, two years for the second. According to the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration, 30 people die every day from drunk-driving crashes. In Maryland, the threshold for a Driving Under the Influence or DUI offense is driving with a blood alcohol concentration (BAC) of 0.08 or higher. A Driving While Impaired charge or DWI involves a blood alchol level of 0.04 to 0.08.

Renovations Additions New Construction

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Around the Community

orah Institute / Yeshivas Kochav Yitzchok is continually focused on providing its students with a high-quality, well-rounded education that enables every talmid to feel a sense of accomplishment. Over the past number of years, the Cheder has expanded its student services department to ensure that every child receives the strategies and skills necessary to help him thrive across learning environments. Torah Institute is excited to announce the

establishment of a Gemara Gold Class and General Studies Gold Class for 7th grade to better service and ensure the success of every child. The goal of the Gemara Gold Class is to make Gemara learning more accessible to boys who thrive outside of the traditional classroom setting. Rabbi Dovid Tessler, a member of the Shearith Israel Kollel, has joined the Cheder as the Rebbi of the class. He has received training through Torah U’mesorah’s variety of education

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Torah Institute Goes Gold

courses. Rabbi Tessler’s scholarship is animated by his dynamic personality, enthusiasm for teaching, and a sense of dedication and care for every individual. Many variables are thoughtfully considered to create the desired learning environment for the students. Class size is controlled, the material is delivered through multiple learning modalities, including multi-sensory input, and the instruction proceeds at a pace tailored to the students’ learning styles. The program places particular emphasis on teaching correct punctuation, translation, and comprehension. Additionally, the Rebbi uses different strategies to check the students’ understanding of the lesson while encouraging active classroom participation, so the boys engage with the ideas and skills they are being taught. The talmidim in the Gemara Gold Class get the “best of both worlds.” They receive the individualized and targeted attention that gives them the scaffolding for their Gemara skills and then expand upon that base in the traditional classroom setting. The synthesis of these experiences embeds the skills they acquired and gives the boys a more enriching and comprehensive experience of Talmud Torah. Rabbi Shimon Hirsch’s, Menahel, sentiments about the program reflect those of the entire faculty, saying, “It is exciting to see each individual talmid in an environment that really fosters his growth and success!” The General Studies Gold Class seeks to accomplish many of the same learning objectives. The class composition and method of instruction are similar to the approach used in the Gemara Gold class. The curriculum is ambitious, consisting of Language Arts, Mathematics, STEM, and Social Studies. Additionally, the program offers the students modules on Executive Function Skills taught by dedicated professional staff who utilize carefully selected resources. The focus on skills

such as self-regulation, shifting attention, organizing materials, planning tasks, and self-monitoring enables the boys to develop proficiencies in the vital domains of effective time management and organization. Mrs. Mindy Rosenblum, M.Ed, the General Studies Head Teacher, earned her Master’s degree from Goucher College with a specialization in AtRisk and Diverse Learners. She comes to Torah Institute having taught similar groups in both public and non-public schools. Perhaps her greatest credential is her warmth and caring nature. Rabbi Dovid Cohn and Mr. Sholom Lowenthal, who teach the STEM components of the program, complete the general studies staff. They both have a passion for teaching and knack for bringing STEM activities to life. In addition to the core subject matter, the class cultivates various metacognitive skills, such as critical thinking, problem-solving, social learning, and peer-collaboration. Taken together, each child can develop the qualities of perseverance and grit to master challenging educational and life situations. These characteristics are valuable across many areas and will prepare students to adapt to an ever-changing world. Dr. Suzanne Cotter, General Studies Coordinator, marvels at the success this program has attained in the short period since its implementation: “Students who struggle in a traditional classroom often seem alone and disinterested; in our Gold class, however, talmidim are engaged with each other and with the teachers; very gratifying!” We are confident that Torah Institute’s Gemara Gold Class and General Studies Gold Class will provide our students with the support and resources that will empower them to reach their full potential and flourish as students and people. May all of our students continue to be a source of nachas for their parents and the entire Torah Institute family!

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Bereishis byby Rabbi Shai Graucher Rabbi David Ashear adapted Leah Sutton As we read by through Rav Chaimillustrated Kanievskyby on Sarah Chumash, Zee we can almost hear the voice of this incomparable gadol b’Yisrael, in his Torah insights, his guidance in all matters large and small, and, particularly, in his stories, warm and personal, of his illustrious family.

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In these daily readings, Rabbi Rabbi Avrohom Kalmanowitz Binyomin Pruzansky shares alegbrief Gaon in Torah, Hatzalah Torah thought, followed by the end, and Torah builder engaging stories we’ve come to by Avrohom Birnbaum expect from him, as well as a brief

takeaway that summarizes the inspirational idea. We will ponder the insights. Enjoy the stories. Quote the takeaways again and again.

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Rav Avigdor Miller had the The Remarkable life gift of making profound Torah of a Torah Builder insights understandable and

Let Rav Chaim Kanievsky shlita, A new collection of enrich your Shabbos table stories by Rabbi Pruzansky Comments, perspectives, More Emunah and stories on the Weekly for your children! Parashah

OCTOBER 10, 2019

adapted illustratedbybyLeah TovaSutton Katz illustrated by Sarah Zee The Weekly Parashah features age-appropriate text and graphics, gorgeous illustrations, and fascinating sidebars on every page.

from THE BALTIMORE JEWISH HOME

Bring the Parashah to LIFE!

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OCTOBER 10, 2019

Kosher Dining at Yale University Hillel Newly Certified by STAR-K Kosher Certification By: Margie Pensak

s a proud native New Havener, I was overjoyed when I found out that Yale University’s kosher kitchen would be certified by STAR-K Kosher Certification; I couldn’t wait to try it out, as I recently did, on my annual Elul trip to my hometown. Yale University’s kosher kitchen has come a long way since it first opened to serve weeknight dinners to its graduate students in the fall of 1959. It was housed in the Young Israel synagogue, a 25-minute walk from the university’s downtown New Haven, Connecticut, campus. Most recently, reinventing itself as a STAR-K Kosher-certified facility in the Lindenbaum Kosher Kitchen located at the Joseph Slifka Center for Jewish Life, it functions seamlessly in the middle of the campus as part of the Yale University Dining System. Since 1999, STAR-K Kashrus Administrator Rabbi Mayer Kurcfeld has been engineering and overseeing the agency’s many certified on-campus facilities, custom-designing those which were not pre-existing. Yale University’s kosher kitchen joins the ranks of STAR-K certified college campus kitchens at Cornell University, Franklin and Marshall College, Johns Hopkins University, Muhlenberg College, Penn State University, Towson University, University of Maryland-Baltimore County, and University of Maryland-College Park.

The growing trend to offer Kosher on the college campus acts as a magnet to attract the approximately 100,000 new Jewish college students who arrive on US campuses each fall, joining an estimated 400,000 Jewish undergraduates. Last term, the Yale kosher dining facility accommodated an average of 250 students for dinner, their largest meal served daily. Every other Sunday, Slifka offers a bagel brunch, often attended by more than 500 students. The Lindenbaum Kosher Kitchen is open to the public, as well. My friend and I were extremely impressed by our first-time Slifka kosher dining experience. We enjoyed not only the plentiful, colorful, tasty, healthy, all-you-can-eat lunch and dinner offerings, but Slifka’s congenial atmosphere and friendly, smooth-running service. The variety of dishes from soup to dessert - heavy on fruits and vegetables, was even able to accommodate my friend’s gluten-free diet! Additionally, it is open to accommodating various other dietary requirements, such as soy- and dairyfree menu options. Kudos goes to Chef Patrick and Bill Ostrowski, managers of Unidine, which operates Slifka’s kosher food service with a focus on culinary integrity, health and wellness, and hospitality. Mr.Ostrowski, notes, “Slifka dining is open not just to Jewish students but to all Yale diners. We are the only late-night option on campus, so a lot of the students enjoy coming here and getting to know the Jewish traditions.” I shared my rave review with

Moshe Aziz, who moved from Brooklyn to the Yale campus to be STARK’s full-time mashgiach temidi at the Lindenbaum Kosher Kitchen. He remarked, “Working inside Slifka Hillel with Unidine, I have found that we have an excellent team. The entire staff is very professional, very respectful, understanding, and works well together. They will compromise food quality for Kashrus, if needed, and will not serve something if it is not in our guidelines.” To accommodate the growing demand for kosher on the Yale campus, Slifka Executive Director Uri Cohen says the current facility will be renovated and enlarged in time for the fall 2020 semester. “STAR-K, our new hashgacha agency, not only takes campuses seriously but has a track record in work-

Bais Hamedrash and Mesivta of Baltimore Alumni Evening

n Thursday evening, September 5, local alumni of the Bais Hamedrash and Mesivta of Baltimore got together at the home of Avrumi Friedman for an enjoyable evening of inspiration and camaraderie. HaRav Chain Cohen, shlit”a, Rosh Yeshiva, and Rav Meir Rottenberg shlit’a, 12th grade Magid shiur, participated and warmly addressed the former talmidim. Much thanks to Mr. and Mrs. Friedman for hosting, and special thanks to Eli Cohen for a beautiful kumzits.

ing productively in a campus environment, understanding the needs and dynamics,” notes Mr. Cohen. “We heard amazing things about Rabbi Kurcfeld as an extraordinary person who is focused on these efforts and leading them. We are very excited to be working with STAR-K as one of our core partners to get the job done.” Rabbi Kurcfeld adds, “Since my initial meeting with the management at Slifka, and subsequently with Unidine, it is clear to me that their commitment to uphold STAR-K standards is of utmost importance to them. I feel confident that the crucial partnership we have built over time – based upon mutual professional courtesy, respect, communication, and transparency – will enable us to achieve our shared goal of providing quality kosher meals at Slifka.” In fact, that was found to be true, when Rabbi Kurcfeld participated in the “First Year Welcome Shabbat Dinner”, August 23-24, joining approximately 150 diners, including firstyear students and their families, after move-in day; he reported that everything went seamlessly and flawlessly, with no kashrus issues whatsoever. STAR-K President Avrom Pollak concludes, “STAR-K is happy to service the needs of Yalies, offering attractive, delicious kosher meals produced under the highest standards of kashrus in our commitment to uphold our mission.” Not only is STAR-K upholding its mission, it has become the address for quality kosher college dining!

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In a sudden about-face, the Palestinian Authority has agreed to accept tax money collected from Israel despite money being deducted due to its support for terrorism. The first transfer of 600 million shekels ($170 million) went through

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Hong Kong police shot and wounded a teenage boy on Friday during violent protests across the city. For almost four months, Hong Kong citizens have held anti-government protests, in the region’s largest political crisis since it gained autonomy from Britain in 1997. At a news conference, Hong Kong leader Carrie Lam said face masks would be banned on Saturday under emergency laws enacted “in the public interest.” But in response to the face mask ban, protesters set fire, threw firebombs at police, and burned the Chinese flag. Protesters also shouted, “Hong Kongers, revolt!” and “You burn with us.”

PA Agrees to Accept Tax Money from Israel

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OCTOBER 10, 2019

Hong Kong Imposes Emergency Powers

One officer in Hong Kong’s Yuen Long district fired in self-defense after a protester threw a firebomb at him, setting him aflame. The 14-yearold who was shot was reported to be in serious condition, local media reported. Police working to disperse protesters in the Causeway Bay, Sha Tin, and Wong Tai Sin areas sprayed tear gas at protesters. One university student, Samuel Yeung, said that the anti-mask law “has become a tool of tyranny.” “They can make use of the emergency law to enact any policies or laws that the government wants. There’s no rule of law anymore. We can only be united and protest,” he said. But Lam said that “almost all” protesters wear masks and “that’s why they have become more unbridled.” “We can’t keep the existing regulations idle and let violence escalate and the situation continue to deteriorate,” she explained.

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On Thursday, Prime Minister Adil Abdul Mahdi promised his citizens that the government has begun implementing “big reforms to provide jobs and to end poverty.” In a Friday letter read aloud by an assistant, Grand Ayatollah Ali al-Sistani wrote: “It is sorrowful that there have been so many deaths, casualties and destruction. The government and political sides have not answered the demands of the people to fight corruption or achieved anything on the ground.” He also urged both sides to step back “before it is too late.” Mahdi, for his part, invited political representatives of several parties to a meeting and said, “Today we are pulled between two options: having a state or having no state.”

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OCTOBER 10, 2019

The Week In News

We moved!

105 old court road, pikesville off of walker avenue, down the street from the bank

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Panama disease is not dangerous to people who consume bananas, only to the crops themselves. The pathogen attacks the roots of the plant, which responds in kind by producing a thick, gel-like substance which clogs the root’s inner veins. This ultimately leads to the plant drying up, wilting, and dying. No one knows exactly how TR4 arrived in the Middle East or how it made its way into Israel. “In 2015 we toured Jordan as part of a research program we were working on and we could see the fungus was already spreading there. We knew it had already been discovered in Lebanon as well, and we realized we were surrounded,” said Dr. Stanley Freeman of the Department of Plant Pathology at the Volcani Center, Israel’s top agricultural research institute. So far, the fungus has claimed six banana plantations in Israel.

Bibi Lobbying for Massive Missile Defense System Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu is lobbying the government

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Israeli researchers are in a race against time to develop a cure for “Panama disease” which has been

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OCTOBER 10, 2019

Will a Fungus Destroy Israel’s Bananas?

destroying banana plants globally as well as locally. In the summer of 2016, a banana plantation near Zichron Yaakov was found to be infected with Tropical Race 4 (TR4), a strain of Fusarium oxysporum, which is a particularly aggressive fungus that spreads the notorious Panama disease among banana plants. Scientists worldwide have been searching for a way to fight the strain, as it is resistant to fungicides. Of Israel’s plantation-based crops, bananas are the most profitable sector, with approximately 4,000 people relying on the industry for their livelihood.

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on Friday after months of PA stonewalling. The decision ended a stalemate that lasted months and saved the PA from financial collapse. Mahmoud Abbas advisor Hussein al-Sheikh wrote on Twitter that the PA decided to take the money after working out “all outstanding issues” with Israeli Finance Minister Moshe Kahlon. “The agreement was also on transferring a payment from the #PA’s financial dues,” he wrote. “The dispute (remains) over the salaries of the families of #prisoners and #martyrs. We are determined to pay their dues at all costs.” Under the 1993 Oslo Accords, Israel collects tax money for products produced by Palestinian Arabs. The arrangement took a hit after Israel passed a law last year mandating Jerusalem to deduct from the tax money sums that the PA pays terrorists. The PA commonly pays monthly salaries to terrorists imprisoned for murdered Jews or their families in the case that the terrorist was killed in the attack. The policy has long raised hackles among Israelis across the political spectrum, who decry the “pay to slay” practice as rewarding acts of terrorism. Since the law was passed, the PA has refused to accept the tax money in protest, raising fears in Israel that the refusal would cause the bankruptcy of the body. As the biggest employer in the West Bank, bankruptcy by the PA would lead to hundreds of thousands of Palestinians to lose their jobs, something that can result in increased instability and terrorism in the area. In recent months, Israel has made various attempts to alternatively coax or force the PA to accept the funds, including a failed attempt to wire it hundreds of millions of dollars.

The Week In News

THE BALTIMORE JEWISH HOME

OCTOBER 10, 2019

Baltimore • KIDNEY DONORS •

CHANA FREEDMAN I am a 53 year old mother of 6 incredible children. I grew up in St. Louis and moved to Baltimore about 20 years ago with a detour in Israel and Toronto along the way. I work in a preschool setting helping children with their Aleph Beis and also do some shadow work with kids on the spectrum. My passions are gardening, music, listening to amazing torah classes and connecting to/with people. Renewal advertised that they were having a drive in Baltimore trying to find a match for a local Yid, I decided to test and although my family was initially concerned, when it came down to it I had their full support. I was matched to someone in NY and started the evaluation process. Renewal walked me through every step of the testing and streamlined all the logistics for me making the process very efficient. I donated over a year ago and feel great, truly honor to be able to help another person live longer.

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maggie silver Maggie Silver is the mother of 4 and a recent grandmother. She became aware of the concept of altruistic kidney donation at the Baltimore Renewal drive for two community members. She and her husband both swabbed in the hopes of helping the people in the community. While neither was a match for the two Baltimore men, Maggie ended up being an excellent match for a patient in New York. Maggie is also a preschool teacher and has taught hundreds of boys in her capacity as a Pre 1- A morah at TA. Her kidney donation during the school year served as a catalyst for much discussion about anatomy and chesed. Her students were very proud and told others that their Morah was a kidney donor and explained what that meant.

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to approve the construction of an extensive new missile defense system to defend against Iranian cruise missiles. The prime minister first brought up the subject during a cabinet meeting on Sunday evening dedicated to the emerging threat from Iran. If adopted, the plan would cost more than a NIS 1 billion and would likely require budget cuts in other areas in order to pay for it.

However, the decision to implement such an expensive and far-reaching move can only be made by the next Israeli government. The Defense Ministry has been working with the Treasury in recent weeks in an attempt to find funding for the program without raising taxes or cutting spending elsewhere but have not made any headway. While Israel currently has a multi-layered air defense framework comprised of Iron Dome, David’s Sling for medium range missiles, and the Arrow system, it does not have the capability to shoot down cruise missiles. Tehran’s recent successful attack on Saudi Arabian oil facilities last month has alarmed Israel, which fears that it is vulnerable to a similar style attack from either Iran or its affiliated militias. During the attack, cruise missiles and suicide drones launched from over 500 miles away hit two Saudi oil refineries, causing hundreds of millions of dollars worth of damage and taking 50% of the kingdom’s oil production offline. While Iran denies culpability, both the United States and Israel say they have evidence that the Islamic Republic is behind the attack. Ever since the successful assault, Israel has been scrambling to find an answer to Iranian cruise missiles, which could easily hit sensitive sites within Israel proper if fired from Syria or Iraq.

The cruise missiles notably were able to bypass the American-made Patriot missile batteries Saudi Arabia’s military uses, which are used by Israel as well. As a result, the IDF has been experimenting with different ways it might attempt to shoot down Iranian cruise missiles fired into Israel should the need arise. “Today we are facing a huge security challenge, which has been growing from week to week and has intensified over the last two months, especially in recent weeks,” said Netanyahu during the cabinet meeting. “It’s not spin, it’s not a whim, it’s not ‘Netanyahu is trying to scare us,’” added the prime minister. “You know the details of how true these things are. Anyone with his eyes can see that Iran is getting stronger, Iran is getting stronger, its boldness, its audacity, are increasing. It is attacking the international sailing routes, it is attacking the Arabian Peninsula, it is attacking everywhere.”

A Clean Break?

A politician sitting in jail in Colombia tried to escape – by going to the dentist. Aida Merlano, who is sitting in jail for buying votes, was allow to venture out to the dentist in Bogota with a prison guard escort. She was left alone in the room when the orthodontist told the guard to wait in the waiting room. Merlano then used rope to escape through the window of the room to a waiting motorcycle. She put on a hel-

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OCTOBER 10, 2019

The Week In News

met and then drove off. Merlano was sentenced to 15 years in prison last month and was due to appear at a hearing on Tuesday for a possible reduction in her sentence. She has yet to be caught. Looks like she made a clean break of it.

Tea with Sheep

Last week, Airbnb launched “animal experiences,” a way for travelers to get closer to their fuzzier side and include four-legged fun into the vacation. Looking to include Fido or Polly into your trip abroad? Airbnb offers 1,000 furry, feathery, and scaly activities around the world. You can walk a pig named Emilia on a leash in Ireland or seeing “life-saving” rats in Cambodia that are able to detect land mines. Mr. Beaches, a Pembroke Welsh corgi, can help you paddleboard (along with his owner) on a stand-up paddleboard tour in Fort Lauderdale. Mr. Beaches has his own blue-colored life jacket and he stays on his owner’s board as the group, up to seven people, paddles past yachts and mansions. If you’re lucky, you may see a manatee. For the thrill of this canine-cruise you’ll have to shell out $47 for ninety minutes. Woof! If dogs are not your cup of tea, consider sheep. In Scotland, travelers can head to a private home in Loch Lomond and Trossachs National Park to have afternoon tea in a garden with a couple of

pet sheep. These two sheep join guests at the table – although you may want to hold onto your sandwiches and scones if you don’t want some baaaad boys to nibble on your lunch. Loves horses? Head to Centre d’Equitació Poni Club Catalunya in Spain. There, guests will get acquainted with two horses, Ibiza and Foxel, and will be taught how to approach the four-legged creatures. If all goes well, the instructor will guide participants to have the horses move and dance to their cues. Guaranteed great selfies with any of these excursions.

to the individuals that attend my funeral.” Dennis did not have children and was not married. He loved his friends and wanted to show his appreciation to those who considered him a close friend. Two-hundred-seventy friends showed up to his funeral. Each them will walk away with a warm feeling in their heart for Dennis and around $1,800 more in their wallet. .“It’s going to motivate people to be more giving, more loving, more understanding,” Dennis’ lawyer said. Won’t you be my neighbor?

Best Neighbor – Ever

Ceiling Stalker

Dennis Valstad get the best neighbor award. No, he’s not mowing your lawn or picking up your mail when you go on vacation. Instead, he’s giving you money. Well, not really, because he’s no longer alive, but giving out money from the grave to his friends and neighbors in Ripon, Wisconsin. Recently, the townspeople of Ripon received a letter from an attorney representing the estate of Dennis Valstad. Dennis, who at one point owned the local dry cleaner, died a few months ago at the age of 69. To most people, Dennis seemed to be a man of modest means. But he secretly amassed a small fortune. In his will, he demanded “the sum of $500,000 to be divided equally

Hoping to evade arrest, Kristina Perkins hid out in the ceiling of a Big Lots store in Florida for several hours. Perkins had been shoplifting from the store last week and locked herself in the bathroom with a cart full of items. Police were called but when they forced themselves into the restroom, a few ceiling tiles were missing – and so was Perkins. Even when police ascertained where Perkins was in the ceiling, she refused to come down and kept on moving around in the ceiling to hide from police. After a few hours, Perkins eventually climbed down, and she was promptly arrested. That seems to seal her verdict.

I Scream for Guinea Pigs Guinea pigs are used to try out new things but now people are trying guinea pigs out for a change. An ice cream vendor in Ecuador is reportedly seeing demand for her new – and arguably strangest – offer-

ing. It’s made using the flesh of guinea pigs. Guinea pig meat, known as “cuy” in Ecuador, is typically eaten as a savory dish there and in other South American countries, like Peru and Colombia, where it’s often grilled and served whole. But María del Carmen Pilapaña, who runs a small stall near the capital of Quito, has stumbled upon a completely new preparation – and it is a hit, she tells The Associated Press.

“My family and my husband thought I was crazy,” Pilapaña told the outlet. “They didn’t think anyone would like these ice creams, but now they’re our main product.” In a stomach-churning twist, Pilapaña makes the ice cream by cooking down the guinea pig’s meat and making a pâté of sorts before blending it with milk or cream, freezing it, and serving it just like she does with her other flavors. Pilapaña is known for her out-ofthe-ordinary flavors of ice cream. She also has beetle-flavored and mushroom-flavored ice creams available. And she’s planning on experimenting with other meats and even crab in the future. She’s sure her customers will love those flavors, considering that they have given her guinea pig confection a thumbs up. “I was suspicious, but it was tasty,” one customer said after downing a guinea pig-flavored ice cream cone. Thank you. But I’ll just stick with vanilla.

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OCTOBER 10, 2019

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OCTOBER 10, 2019

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ENGLAND

ERETZ YISRAEL

Manchester

EventCity January 5, 2020

Binyanei Haumah December 28, 2019

FRANCE

Dome de Paris January 12, 2020 ‫ תש”פ‬,‫ט”ו טבת‬

SOUTH AFRICA The Deck January 15, 2020 ‫ תש”פ‬,‫י”ח טבת‬

‫ תש”פ‬,‫ח׳ טבת‬

‫ תש”פ‬,‫ל‘ כסלו‬

Yad Eliyahu January 9, 2020 ‫ תש”פ‬,‫י”ב טבת‬

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NORTH AMERICA

Prudential Center and NJPAC February 9, 2020 ‫ תש”פ‬,‫י”ד שבט‬

Heythrop Park Resort Hotel January 10-12, 2020 Additional Siyumim ‫ תש”פ‬,‫ט״ו טבת‬-‫י״ג‬

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DIRSHU HAS SECURED THE NJPAC

OCTOBER 10, 2019

which is in close proximity to the Prudential Center (a mere 10-minute walk).

• • • •

Each location will feature prominent Gedolim. Several of the Gedolim will attend both venues. A unique and independent live program presented at both locations. Live highlights broadcasted simultaneously to each location.

Complete details forthcoming.

THE DIRSHU WORLD SIYUM IN NORTH AMERICA

will d"ra be held at The Prudential Center and NJPAC in Newark, NJ on Sunday, Feb. 9, 2020. Additional locations worldwide.

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OPE ICA

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OCTOBER 10, 2019

Torah Thought

Light in the Clouds By Rabbi Zvi Teichman

The very first mention of ‘Man’ in the Torah is when it describes how G-d did not yet send the necessary rain to generate the growth of plant life since there was no man to work the soil, and no one to appreciate its benefits. Only when man would be created and recognize this gift of rain and pray for its arrival, would the trees and vegetation spring forth. Evidently the very essence of man is determined by his relationship and bond to G-d through the medium of rain specifically. Indeed we are taught that rain is one of the three ‘keys’ possessed by G-d alone, and not entrusted to any angel or agent. Yet on Shemini Atzeres when we recite the Prayer For Rain, we begin our petition by making reference to, ‫ברי‬-‫אף‬ ‫אתת שם שר מטר‬, Af-Bri is designated as the name of the angel of rain. Iyov describes how there are times when out of a ‘clear blue sky’ G-d will send a storm, drenching us in rain. ‫אף ברי‬, Even on a clear day He burdens the cloud, and the cloud spread about its rain.(37 11) Rashi however explains the verse as referring to the angel Af-Bri, who burdens the clouds and scatters its rain. This would seem to be the approach of The Kalir as well, who authored the Prayer For Rain. Rashi though emphasizes that AfBri is more precisely the angel appointed over the ‫עננים‬, the rain clouds, not the rain per se. Perhaps it is indeed G-d alone who dispatches the rains. But it is the task of this angel to at times ‘cloud’ G-d’s blessing in the apparent darkness of a storm clouds. When life is suddenly disrupted on a clear sunny with unexpected challenge, G-d waits to see whether or not we will peer through the clouds and see His loving hand. ‫ אף‬often denotes angst or anger.

This word first appears when the wily serpent challenges Chava regarding her reluctance to eat from the Tree of Knowledge, exclaiming ‫אף‬, is it possible that G-d forbade you to eat of any of the trees in the garden? In this cynical ploy he plants a seed of doubt in Chava’s mind questioning the possibility that G-d could reasonably expect her to refrain from partaking that which she craved so strongly for. This is the challenge we always face in our encounters with temptation. We often weaken in our resolve to remain steadfast in what we know to be true when we question ourselves: how can we be expected to withstand the impossible difficulties we face? Can I really control my tongue, thoughts, or actions? Does G-d really think I am worthy enough or capable of overcoming these challenges? ‫אף‬, Even me, or the circumstances I face, are possibly conquerable?! When our ‘clear days’ are abruptly beclouded with the angst of obstacles, that is the moment we are expected to see with absolute clarity our purpose, enlightening the darkness with our faith and trust. It is at these junctures of '‫'אף‬, of befuddled self-doubt, that we must implement the power of '‫'ברי‬, clarity of destiny and mission, to calm the storm clouds and permitting ourselves to nourish from His ‘rain of blessing’. We add to our daily prayers the mention of ‫גבורות גשמים‬, the strength of rains and how G-d makes the rain descend, in the blessing of ‫גבורה‬, Strength, where it emphasizes the power of ‫תחיית‬ ‫המתים‬, Revival of the Dead. The Talmud equates these two powers stating that the ‘Day of Rain’ is as great as the ‘Day of the Revival of the Dead’. The Ritva explains that just as plant seeds must first decay before they can

regenerate their fruit through the moisture of rain, similarly the deceased must first decompose before they can be revived. The re-growth of seeds is the greatest testament to G-d’s ability to revive the dead. Perhaps the deeper connection between the two lays in this awareness that the clouds of challenge in our daily life and the trial of sudden death and loss are both part of a greater process of rejuvenation that will be powered by the manner in which we faithfully see the rays of light through the clouds, never getting discouraged or despondent, that will culminate with the full revival of the dead. Might this be the true understanding of man in his original designation as an ‫עובד אדמה‬, worker of the land? It is not his role as a simple farmer being accented here, but as one who can mine the ‘power of the earth’ in conjunction with the ‘strength of G-d’s rain’, in creating from seeming deterioration, bountiful fruit of deed enmeshed with faith. In Pirkei Shira it records that the Clouds of Glory sing the verse in Iyov: Even on a clear day He burdens the cloud, ‫יפיץ ענן‬, and the cloud spread about, ‫אורו‬, its rain. May I suggest that it is those Clouds of Glory that revealed to us how G-d enveloped us in His loving embrace, which infused within us the ability to sense that warmth in the subsequent challenges we would face in the clouds of exile, who sing this praise. They sing how Af-Bri, the angel who we empower through our faith, by grasping the struggle between the forces of ‫אף‬, that entice us to give up, and that of ‫ברי‬, that represents our acute focus on our ultimate objective and our personal strength in overcoming doubt, is summoned to burden us with clouds of challenge. But in the end, ‫יפיץ ענן‬, the cloud will scatter, ‫אורו‬, His light, the brilliant illumination that stems from our bond with G-d. • At the Bar Mitzva of Nat Braun, his father Ari shared with an intimate group of family and friends a speech he was waiting to deliver for over thirty years. When Ari was six years old, while spending Pesach at a hotel in Miami, he accidently bumped into another charming six year old, Nat Kates, while they were both playing in the water. An immediate friendship developed and they hung out together during the rest of the holiday. As providence would have it, Nat’s parents only a short time later purchased a home in Maryland, and unbeknownst to them at the time, was

directly across the street from the Braun family. Nat and Ari continued to deepen their friendship and became inseparable. Nat’s divorced mom wasn’t Jewish but his now remarried Dad and wife were. The Braun’s family older children became surrogate older brothers and sisters to Nat and his younger siblings. Nat, though not yet Jewish, was a special soul, who even at a young age possessed extraordinary character and sensitivity to others, and adhered lovingly to Jewish tradition. But more than anything else he pined for the day he would reach the age of Bar Mitzvah and makes the choice to become a fullfledged observant Jew. He shared this deepest yearning with Ari and they both simply couldn’t wait for that day to come. One day at the age of nine while cavorting in a pool with his cherished buddy, Ari, he suddenly collapsed and couldn’t be revived. The pain was unimaginable as both families grieved this tragic death of their beloved Nat. Thirteen years later as Ari was about to marry his wife Esther, he shared with her something he was carrying in his heart from that very sad day of Nat’s untimely death. He told her that his going forth in marriage with her would be conditional on her accepting that one day when they would merit to have a son they would name him Nat, in memory of his best friend. Esther immediately and lovingly agreed. Seventeen years later, at the Bar Mitzvah of his beloved Nat, Ari shared how he carried the powerful memory of his special friendship with Nat Kates, and the unrequited longing of his buddy to choose to become Jewish. Those aspirations fueled Ari during the years of his own personal journey and growth in Torah and Mitzvos. That inspiration prodded him from the day his own Nat was born to raise his son in the spirit of his dear friend’s remarkable drive and inspiration, in sensing the joy of being Jewish and the privilege to choose it rather than simply accept its inevitability having being born into the faith. • One can despair in the face of sudden loss and disappointment, or one can choose to see the light radiating from even the darkest of clouds. We are all on a journey to discover that light. We are in a constant process of rebirth. May we be inspired by the heroes among us who inspire us to sing the beautiful song of the Clouds of Glory. Let the clouds scatter their light!

EST

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We will be open with a Sukkah!

$1 OFF pie for any t of Octo he ber!

OCTOBER 10, 2019

‫חג‬ !‫שמח‬

Pizza Month

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OCTOBER IS NATIONAL

We will be closing at 2:15pm on all Eruv Yomim Tovim throughout October.

Family Special: 2 18” Pies + 4 French Fries + 4 Bottles of Soda = $52.76+tax $47.76+tax

If you park on the CITGO lot Carry out only

RECEIPT

Credit cards good on delivery with advanced authorization. Visit our Facebook page for specials you won’t find anywhere else!

Bring in your re ceipt from the gas st ation next door (CITGO) an d get $1 OFF any pie

CARRY OUT ONLY

PARK BETWEEN THE WHITE LINES CITGO parking is for carry out customers only.

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Please welcome our NEW neighbors at CITGO!

Monday

Tishrei 8

Tishrei 15 sukkos i

after 7:10 PM

Tishrei 22

Tishrei 29

after 7:00 PM

shmini atzeret

Cheshvan 6

Tuesday

Tishrei 9

6:20 PM

Tishrei 16 sukkos ii

7:09 PM

Tishrei 23

Cheshvan 7

Tishrei 30

6:59 PM

simchas torah

Tishrei 10 yom kipur

7:19 PM

Tishrei 17 sukkos iii

Tishrei 24

Cheshvan 1

Cheshvan 8

Public Safety Buildling discussion with Mayor “Jack” Young @JCC Park Heights 7-9pm see page 49

Wednesday

Friday Tishrei 12

6:15 PM

Tishrei 19 sukkos v

6:05 PM

Tishrei 26

5:56 PM

Cheshvan 3

6:37 PM

Cheshvan 10

Saturday

Tishrei 13

7:14 PM

Tishrei 20

sukkos vi

7:04PM

Tishrei 27

6:55 PM

Cheshvan 4

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7:25 PM

Cheshvan 11

7:36 PM

Celebration of Life Melava Malka @Shomrei 8:30pm see page 5

Community Calendar

Tishrei/Cheshvan 5780

Tishrei 11

Tishrei 18 sukkos iv

Cheshvan 9

Next BJH Issue

Cheshvan 2

Tishrei 25

Hershey Park Chol Hamoed Councilman Yitzy Schleifer’s Sukkah Party @6608 Clarington Rd 7:30pm see page 45

Thursday

October / November

Tishrei 28

6:02 PM

sukkos vii

Tishrei 21

6:12 PM

Tishrei 14

Tishrei 7

Sunday

2019 6

Cheshvan 5

Chef Dan’s Cafe at the J Angst: Documentary Grand Opening @JCC Park Screening @BJSZ 8-9:30pm Heights 10am-2pm see page 60 see page 17

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6:26 PM

OCTOBER 10, 2019

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Parsha

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OCTOBER 10, 2019

Parshas Vayeilech By Eytan Kobre

Weekly Aggada And Hashem said to Moshe, “Behold, your days approach that you must die; call Yehoshua and stand in the Tent of Meeting, and I will command him.” And Moshe and Yehoshua went, and they stood in the Tent of Meeting (Devarim 31:14) Why was it decreed that Moshe Rabbeinu pass away with the phrase

“behold”? It is comparable to a subject who offered his king the gift of a sharp sword. When the king decrees that the subject is to be executed with that very sword, the subject protested, “My master, the king! With what I honored you, will you lop off my head?” So, too, Moshe Rabbeinu said to G-d: “I praised You with the phrase ‘Behold’ – ‘Behold to Hashem your G-d are the heavens and the heavens

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of the heavens...’ (Devarim 10:14). And yet with the phrase ‘Behold’ You decree my death?” G-d replied: “A deficient neighbor sees only his neighbor’s income and not his expenses. Moshe remembers only praising G-d with the phrase ‘Behold,’ but he does not remember challenging G-d’s with the phrase ‘Behold.’ Do you not remember that when I sent you to redeem the Jewish people from Egypt, you said to me, ‘Behold! They will not believe me’ (Shemos 4:1)? “Therefore, it is only fitting that, ‘Behold, your days approach...’”

Weekly Mussar And now, write for yourselves this song, and teach it the Jewish people – place it into their mouths, so that this song may be a witness for Me against the Jewish people (Devarim 31:19) G-d’s directive to place the words of the Torah “into their mouths” is striking. Shouldn’t the words of Torah be placed into the ears or minds or hearts of the Jewish people? The mouth is not an organ – physical or spiritual – that receives information or knowledge or wisdom. Why, then, “place it into their mouths”? When it comes to all other commandments of the Torah, explained R’ Moshe Soloveitchik, we are obligated to ensure that our fellow Jews are also fulfilling their obligations – not as part of our fulfillment of the commandment itself but because of the principle that “all Jews are guarantors (i.e., responsible) for one another” (Shavuos 39a).

Not so with Torah study. When it comes to Torah study, there is an obligation to ensure not only that one himself learns but also that one is teaching Torah to others. And that obligation to others – unlike with all other commandments – is an integral part of one’s own obligation of Torah study. That is the reason that in our blessing over Torah study, we ask that the Torah be grasped not only by “us and our descendants” but also by “the descendants of Your people, the House of Israel.” Because part of our obligation to study Torah is to ensure that other people are studying Torah too. And that is the reason that the Torah here instructs us to “place it into their mouths.” It is not enough to place the Torah into the ears or minds or hearts of the Jewish people; the Torah must be placed into the mouths of the Jewish people so that they may transmit it to others.

Weekly Anecdote And now, write for yourselves this song, and teach it the Jewish people – place it into their mouths, so that this song may be a witness for Me against the Jewish people (Devarim 31:19) The father of a student in R’ Moshe Feinstein’s yeshiva, Mesivta Tifereth Jerusalem, was once discussing his son’s future with R’ Moshe. The boy already had been in the yeshiva for several years, and now the father wanted him to leave the yeshiva and attend college. “After all,” contended the father, “what is

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really the purpose of him staying in the yeshiva for yet another year?” R’ Moshe, on the other hand, made the case for the boy to remain in yeshiva. They went back and forth for a while – R’ Moshe insisting that the boy stay on another year; the father answering that R’ Moshe tells him that every year – but the father could not get R’ Moshe to budge; he was adamant that the boy remain in yeshiva. Seeing that he could not move R’ Moshe, the father upped the ante. “If my son stays another year in the yeshiva,” the father threatened, “I will not send his brother, my younger son, to the yeshiva at all.” R’ Moshe’s face paled as he struggled to come to terms with the father’s threat. “What? You won’t send your younger son to the yeshiva? Let me tell you something– ” But then R’ Moshe stopped himself. “Actually, no. I will not tell you.” R’ Moshe appeared faint, so his students escorted him to an adjoin-

ing room. There, he opened a Gemara and proceeded to learn for two hours uninterrupted. The father did not know why R’ Moshe had disappeared into the adjoining room or what he was doing there for two hours. “Where is the Rosh Yeshiva?” he finally asked one of R’ Moshe’s students. The student explained that R’ Moshe was not feeling well on account of their earlier conversation. This shook the father to his core. He pressed himself into the adjoining room and begged R’ Moshe’s forgiveness for having distressed him. “And seeing how much anguish I caused the Rosh Yeshiva,” he continued, “I will indeed send my younger son to the yeshiva too.” R’ Moshe flashed a wide grin.

Weekly Halacha And now, write for yourselves this song, and teach it the Jewish people

– place it into their mouths, so that this song may be a witness for Me against the Jewish people (Devarim 31:19) We derive from here that it is a mitzvah to write (and continue to own) a Sefer Torah (Nedarim 38a; Shulchan Aruch, Yoreh Dei’ah 270:1). Just as the inhabitants of a city can compel one another to build a bais medrash so that they have a place to study Torah, so too they may compel one another to purchase holy books from which to study Torah (see e.g. Shulchan Aruch, Orach Chaim 150:1). Indeed, “Wealth and riches are in his house, and his merit endures forever” (Tehillim 112:7) – this refers to one who writes (holy) books and lends them to others (Kesubos 50a). One who lends his holy books to others will merit pious children (Bamidbar Rabba 14:2; Sefer Chasidim No. 874; Pele Yoetz, “Sefer”),

and, when necessary to facilitate Torah study, it is an absolute obligation to lend one’s holy books to others (Rama, Choshen Mishpat 292:20 [Responsa of Rosh]). In light of the praise bestowed upon one who writes a Sefer Torah and lends it to others – and considering the obligation to write and continue to own a Sefer Torah – some authorities maintain that, rather than donating a Sefer Torah to a shul or bais medrash, it is preferable to lend it (even “permanently”) (Pischei Teshuva, Yoreh Dei’ah 270:3). The Weekly Halacha is not meant for practical purposes and is for discussion purposes only. Please consult your own rav for guidance.

Eytan Kobre is a writer, speaker, and attorney living in Kew Gardens Hills. Questions? Comments? Suggestions? E-mail eakobre@outlook.com.

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Guard your health carefully.

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‫ונשמרתם מאד‬ .‫לנפשתיכם‬

OCTOBER 10, 2019

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OCTOBER 10, 2019

OCTOBER 29, 2015 | The Jewish Home

A Fulfilled L fe

How to Give Feedback Like a Boss By Rabbi Dr. Naphtali Hoff

“Make feedback normal. Not a performance review.” – Ed Batista

uring leadership trainings I will often ask participants to describe what good (and poor) feedback looks and feels like. At one recent talk to mid-level managers,

I received the following descriptors about strong feedback. • Honest • Transparent • Predictable • Prepared • Comfortable • Not offensive

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• Constructive • Action and outcome focused Added together, these people were saying that feedback is most helpful and motivating when it is provided in a manner that respects the recipient and is intended to guide and correct, rather than put down or label. But how often do we see and experience the opposite? I know that I have, and it’s not fun. Not fun at all. Feedback has been famously called “the breakfast of champions.” We all need feedback to optimize performance and make sure that we are doing our jobs correctly. Yet, ask most professionals to play the game of word association with the word “feedback” and you will often hear such negative words as dishonest, fear- and anxiety-inducing, and evaluative. For this to change, we need to better appreciate the benefits of feedback. For one, feedback, whether positive or constructive, is motivating. When feedback is regular and well structured, it has been shown to improve job performance while contributing to increases in worker engagement and decreases in employee turnover. In order for feedback to be effective, it needs to be conducted as an organic component in how the company operates. The goal of feedback should not be, as Ken Blanchard calls it, “leave alone, zap!” (The leader remains quiet for an extensive period before “zapping” a report with “constructive” comments.) Rather, it should be something that happens regularly and as a natural outgrowth

of worker efforts and attitudes. Remind your team that accountability is a vital part of effective management and that feedback of any kind is an opportunity for growth and improvement. Moreover, the primary goal of feedback should not be assessment (though that is a necessary element in determining whether or not to retain, promote or dismiss personnel). Rather, the focus should be on coaching employees to grow and set new goals. (In fact, the very definition of feedback, a term borrowed from testing of machinery, is: “The furnishing of data…so that subsequent or ongoing operations… can be altered or corrected.”) When this becomes the focus, all parties become more relaxed and can get into the work of celebrating successes and brainstorming on how to make necessary improvements. Moreover, the value of feedback sharing increases in the boss’s eyes and tends to happen more regularly, not just at scheduled quarterly (or less frequent) intervals. The goal of coaching is to help people bring out their own abilities and find solutions that already lie within them. The coach achieves this through a series of questions that help the coachee to get beyond their mental blocks and limiting beliefs to achieve things that they may not otherwise have seen as possible. Let’s say that an employee is doing something that you find troublesome. Instead of leading with an evaluative statement about their behavior, con-

THE BALTIMORE JEWISH HOME OCTOBER 10, 2019

INJECTING HOPE. Every child is a miracle. But for some, the dream of a healthy baby can seem impossible. Men and women who are struggling with infertility or are carriers for genetic diseases can suffer repeated miscarriages, fetal illnesses or even infant death.

To learn more, visit www.acsz.org.

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‫חג‬ !‫שמח‬

B A LT I M O R E J E W I S H H O M E . C O M

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44 sider stating what you’re observing and then use open-ended questions to foster constructive conversation. Here are some questions that can work well, depending on the situation. 1. What were you thinking when…? 2. What caused you to…? 3. What is running well? Not so well? 4. What can you improve for next time? Perhaps the hardest form of feedback to deliver well is situational negative feedback. By that I mean responses to specific instances and actions that demand attention and possible correction moving forward. In these cases, we often operate in the moment and fail to carefully consider both the purpose of the feedback as well as how it will be received. In our quest to correct, we often make matters worse. The following is a feedback method that helps us focus on the action and how best to correct it while re-

serving personal judgement. It’s called “EARN,” which stands for event, action, result, and next steps. • Event: What was the situation? • Action: What was the observed behavior? • Result: What was the impact or consequence? • Next Steps: What behaviors

• Action (on which you’re providing feedback) – “You answered your phone and stepped away...” • Result (the behavior created) – “When we have time set aside for meetings, it’s important that you’re present and focused, and by stepping away to take a call you are neither…” • Next Steps (suggestion for the

Feedback has been famously called “the breakfast of champions.”

need to be continued/changed? Here is an example of EARN applied. • Event (when and where the behavior occurred) – “During yesterday’s weekly team meeting…”

future) – “How would you feel about leaving your phone at your desk during meetings or only answering it in an emergency?” What’s great about this method is that it keeps the focus squarely

on the behavior and moves us away from judging the person. We start to think in terms of how to solve a problem rather than the person being the problem. This allows us to be more thoughtful and creative in finding a solution. And besides, no one likes to be judged. As soon as we feel personally challenged, we shift from acceptance mode to a defensive one. When the right approach to feedback is taken, both parties can better collaborate towards a more harmonious solution.

Rabbi Naphtali Hoff, PsyD, is an executive and business coach and president of Impactful Coaching & Consulting. For a free, no obligation consultation, please call 212-470-6139 or email info@impactfulcoaching.com. Check out his new leadership book, “Becoming the New Boss,” on Amazon. Download his free eBook for understaffed leaders at ImpactfulCoaching. com/EPIC.

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SENATOR: Bobby Zirkin

DELEGATES: Shelly Hettleman | Dalya Attar Jon Cardin | Sandy Rosenberg | Dana Stein

COUNCILMEN: Izzy Patoka | Zeke Cohen

OCTOBER 10, 2019

for a sukkah party in support of

COUNCILMAN

ISAAC YITZY SCHLEIFERâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s re-election campaign

7:30-9:00pm

In the Sukkah of Shlomit & Abe Friedman 6608 Clarington Road Baltimore MD 21209

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S DAY

TO RSVP VISIT WWW.COUNCILMANYITZY.COM

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OCTOBER

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TJH

Centerfold

Riddle me this?

You gotta be kidding I found myself pretty depressed lately and thought maybe if I made a few new friends that might help.

A king has a treasure in a safe. He says to one of his advisors, “If you figure out which key unlocks the safe in five minutes or less, you can have the treasure.” The king then lays five colored keys in a row. One of them is the key to the safe. Using the clues, can you determine the order of the keys on the table and which is the right key?

In considering how to do that I thought I would use the Facebook approach.

Red: This key is somewhere to the left of the key to the safe. Blue: This key is not at one of the ends.

So now, every day, I go down on the street and tell the passersby what I have eaten, how I feel, what I have done, where we had dinner the night before, and what I will be doing today. I give them pictures of my family, my dog, videos of me staring at my computer screen or napping and, of course, a picture of me on my bike at the finish line.

Green: This key is three spaces away from the key to the safe (two between).

I also listen to their conversations, and I tell them how much I like them.

Yellow: This key is next to the key to the safe.

It’s really working out. I already have five people following me: three police officers and two psychiatrists.

Orange: This key is in the middle.

Seen On... Pizza shop: “Buy my pizza. I knead the dough.”

Funeral home: “Drive carefully. I’ll wait.”

Plumber’s truck: “I repair what your husband fixed.”

Towing company: “We don’t charge an arm and a leg; we want toes.”

Restaurant window: “Don’t stand there and be hungry. Come on in and get fed up.” Optometrist’s office: “If you don’t see what you’re looking for, you’ve come to the right place.”

Septic tank truck: “Yesterday’s Meals on Wheels.” Podiatrist’s office: “Time wounds all heels.”

Answer to Riddle Me This: The order of the keys (from left to right) is Green, Red, Orange, Blue, Yellow. The blue key is the key to the safe.

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See answer below

2 3 4 5

Down 2. Churchill 3. Thomas Edison 4. Christopher Columbus 7. Dodgers 8. Sadat 9. World Series 11. Picasso 12. Joe Namath

11 12

OCTOBER 10, 2019

Across 1. Groucho Marx 5. Great Chicago Fire 6. United Nations 10. Acquit 13. Arnold Schwarzenegger 14. Mount Rushmore 15. Babe Ruth

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October Crossword Puzzle

Answers: 15

Down

Across

This hero became prime minister of England for a second time 3. This inventor figures out how to keep an electric incandescent lamp lit for over 13 hours 4. Couldn’t pick a better month to discover the Bahamas 7. Brooklyn loses its pride and joy 8. Egyptian president assassinated 9. Fall classic 11. Born in Malaga, Spain, on October 25, 1881, he became a world renowned artist 12. A legendary NY Jets plays his last game in the NFL as QB

5. 6. 10. 13. 14. 15.

Chico and Harpo’s brother celebrated his birthday in this month The cow kicked over Ms. O’Leary’s lantern causing this fire in October Founded after WWII as a replacement for the League of Nations “If it don’t fit, you must ” The Terminator elected governor of California (good luck spelling his name) Presidential rocks This baseball great makes his final pitching appearance and, true to his name, also hits a home run in the game

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Clues:

Notable Quotes “Say What?!”

OCTOBER 10, 2019

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The difference is that liberals protect people, and P.C. people protect feelings. They don’t do anything. They’re pointing at other people who are somehow falling short of their standards, which could have changed three weeks ago. They’re constantly moving the goalposts so they can go, “Gotcha!” For example, when I was growing up, the most liberal thing you could do is not see color. Well, that’s wrong now. You see color, always, so you can register your white privilege. But I grew up in the Martin Luther King era: Judge by the content of their character, not the color of their skin. – HBO’s Bill Maher

I’m calling on the GOP to stop Trump’s filthy talk of whistleblowers being spies & using mob language implying they should be killed. Impeachment is not good enough for Trump. He needs to be imprisoned & placed in solitary confinement. But for now, impeachment is the imperative.

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- Tweet by Rep. Maxine Waters (D-CA)

My personal daily practice is to avoid single-use plastic items 100% of the time. I never drink from plastic water bottles. I always carry my own reusable coffee cup. I carry my own bamboo utensils. I walk the talk every day. - Elizabeth May, leader of Canada’s Green Party, after a Canadian newspaper noticed that the party scrambled to alter a photo of her in which she’s holding a disposable cup; they replaced the disposable cup with a reusable one with a metal straw in the photo

You want to know why I’m here? It’s this right here. The contest between the pitcher and the batter. You watch it enough, you can kind of guess along with it. That’s what I do. If the guy has a good changeup, or slider, “OK, throw it now.” –Sam Mellinger, a 93-year-old World War II veteran, talking to the Kansas City Star about why he still goes to Kansas City Royal games all of these years after being one of their first 200 season ticket holders and having known his section’s beer and nuts vendor for forty years already

I have four children, I am 5-foot-0, 100 pounds, I cannot really defend myself with a fist.... I want to know how you’re going to legislate that, because a criminal breaks the law, so all you’re going to do is restrict law-abiding citizens, like myself. - Lauren Boebert to Robert Francis “Beto” O’Rourke during a town hall event in Aurora, Colorado, arguing against his proposal to confiscate certain types of guns

As a law-abiding citizen, my firearms are as safe as my cellphone, in my opinion. It’s an inanimate object. - Matt Boggs, owner of Alpha Dog Firearms in Arizona, on Fox News after he held a “Beto Special” and sold out of AR-15s and rifles

We have a lot of wisdom that we can draw on from you. That was amazing. -Professor Lien-Hang T. Nguyen, of Columbia University, at the end of moderating a forum featuring Malaysian Prime Minister Mahathir Mohamad during which Mohamad defended his vile Jew-hatred by saying, “When you say ‘you cannot be anti-Semitic,’ there is no free speech.”

MORE QUOTES

Your Sukkah Is Temporary, Public Safety Shouldn’t Be.

*See video of the Baltimore City Board of Estimates Hearing where Councilman Schleifer advocates to keep public safety in its current location. Note how the Police Commissioner claims

some assets will stay, then the Finance Director indicates their plan to remove all assets. The Mayor attempts to modify the inference but does not make any specific timeline commitmentson future

plans. Conclusion to be drawn is that City is ultimately planning to vacate this building. https://youtu.be/6i06i5_nJXU?t=2615

Join Mayor Bernard C. “Jack” Young for a discussion about the long-term future of the Public Safety Building.

Jewish Community Center 5700 Park Heights

October 30th 7PM – 9PM

*State issued ID required to enter building*

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Share your THOUGHTS about the site and what FUTURE uses you wish to see for your COMMUNITY.

OCTOBER 10, 2019

The Public Safety Training Facility (i.e. Police Academy)located at the corner of Northern Parkway and Park Heights Avenue is likely to close.* Here are the facts and why we should be concerned: 1. The Mayor has decided to relocate the Training Facilityto a different location but has not offered any public safety alternative uses for the facility. 2. The Baltimore City Board of Estimates approved spending over 10 million dollars on a 5-year lease of a privately owned building. The new location will be charging $78 monthly per parking spot per trainee, instructor and employee. A 10-million-dollar investment at the current location would have gone a long way to renovate the facility the City already owns. It could have even been used as down payment on a new building or toward a renovation on the current one. 3. Over the past several decades the City has made minimal investments in the North West neighborhoods of the Baltimore City, yet relies on these tax revenues to offset costs in other City Districts. It’s time the Mayor commits to a significant investment at the highest trafficked intersection in the area. Having the Training Facility at its current location supplied an additional layer of security and safety to the immediate area. Not only will a vacant property be an eye sore and depress property values, but it is a real shift in public safety resources neighboring communities have become accustomed to. What can we do? There is a Town Hall meeting with the Mayor Jack Young now scheduled for Wednesday October 30th. Your attendance is critical! Our collective voices arerequired to let him know that a comprehensive plan is necessary to be in place before the trainees leave. A move of this magnitude has many facets but the one that is most concerning is the loss of the safety and security the facility now provides. So as we prepare to celebrate Sukkos remember that while we dwell in the Sukkah temporarily our public safety needs are permanent

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By. Noach Davis

The Jewish Home | OCTOBER 29, 2015

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It reads like a classic organized crime shakedown. Shorn of its rambling character and in not so many words, this is the essence of what the president communicates. We’ve been very good to your country, very good. No other country has done as much as we have. But you know what? I don’t see much reciprocity here. I hear what you want. I have a favor I want from you, though. And I’m going to say this only seven times so you better listen good. I want you to make up dirt on my political opponent, understand? Lots of it. On this and on that. I’m going to put you in touch with people, not just any people, I am going to put you in touch with the attorney general of the United States, my Attorney General Bill Barr. He’s got the whole weight of the American law enforcement behind him. And I’m going to put you in touch with Rudy. You’re going to love him. Trust me. You know what I’m asking. And so I’m only going to say this a few more times. In a few more ways. And by the way, don’t call me again. I’ll call you when you’ve done what I asked. This is in sum and character what the president was trying to communicate with the president of Ukraine. It would be funny if it wasn’t such a graphic betrayal of the president’s oath of office. But as it does represent a real betrayal, there’s nothing the president says here that is in America’s interest after all.

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- Rep. Adam Schiff, the chairman of the House Intelligence Committee, starting the impeachment inquiry into Pres. Trump by making up what the president said in the phone call with Ukrainian President Zelensky, only to cover himself by saying later on that his narrative was “ just a parody”

Every family may have one bad person but they are a very respectable family. I have not done business with them in the past but I will be very happy to do business with them. The bin Laden family is not a disgraced name or something that I should hide. When I see the bin Laden family as a dirty name, I get really offended. – Saudi Prince Abdullah bin Mosaad, who just took full ownership of one of England’s top soccer teams, when asked about his many business dealings with terrorist mastermind Osama bin Laden’s family

Even e-cigarettes were like “Trump is having a bad week.” — Jimmy Fallon

It’s sad but he was using the president’s own words. - House Speaker Nancy Pelosi on NBC, when asked about Rep. Schiff’s parody

I’ve been going to Israel since I was a teenager… Israel was a storybook place for us. We felt a connection to it through our father, through our beliefs. I’ve been going back ever since. We don’t play in Israel for political reasons; we play for the people [to] spread our message of justice, love and peace for all people. - Reggae musician Ziggy Marley, at a pro-Israel event in Los Angeles, last week

I think his whole life has been a scam. - Chelsea Clinton talking about President Trump on “The View”

MORE QUOTES

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It may be viewed as derogatory in 2019, but these gestures...were not intended to offend. - A Belgian government-recognized organization caring for people with hearing impairments defending the inclusion in its sign language dictionary of a hooked nose gesture for the word “Jew”

Ninety-nine percent of the people who walk in – more than 99 percent – don’t seem to have an issue with it. The menu’s not designed to insult people or hurt people, but it’s just meant to keep the conversation going as to what’s happening around us. - Hanif Mohamed, the owner of Urban Taqueria, located in Albuquerque, which is the talk of the town after some customers complained about the names of its burritos and tacos, including “The Wall,” “The Immigrant” and “Lock Her Up,” on its menu

He’s probably a little ahead of them as a freshman. - Archie Manning, former New Orleans Saints quarterback and father of multiple-Super Bowl winning quarterbacks Peyton and Elie Manning, talking to the Indianapolis Star about his grandson, Arch Manning, who is a high school freshman quarterback

I’ll tell you in a secret – yes, we’ll definitely intervene. It’s a secret so that everybody can laugh and so we’ll go big. But don’t tell anyone, please. - Russian President Vladimir Putin to NBC’s Keir Simmons when asked about former special counsel Robert Mueller’s belief that Russia will continue trying to meddle in upcoming elections

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Dating Dialogue

What Would You Do If… Moderated by Jennifer Mann, LCSW of The Navidaters

I’m married now for eight months. I live walking distance to my parents and my husband’s parents live out of town, a plane ride away. It seems my mother-in-law is a very demanding woman and all four of her children, I’m seeing, are petrified of her. When she demands something, everyone jumps. I’m so not used to that sort of parent. My parents are kind and understanding and never make absolute demands. Anyway, what’s happening is that every time there is a yom tov and my mother-inlaw tells (not asks) us to come, it becomes law. No discussion, no compromise, no asking whether there is a fair distribution of holidays. The fact is that we go to my in-laws much more often than we do to my parents, which bothers me a lot. I enjoy spending time with my family much more and I also don’t think it’s fair to my parents. My mother-in-law’s excuse for demanding that we come more often is that since we live near my parents they get to see us whenever they want and my in-laws can’t. The truth of the matter is that my mother works, I work, and yes, we do see each other more often, but it’s not like I see them constantly. And yom tov is still yom tov! My husband is a pretty reasonable guy, but I’m seeing more and more that he is absolutely terrified of his mother and is too afraid to challenge her, ever, about anything! I’ve been raised to believe that one’s spouse should always come first, followed by one’s children and then one’s parents. My husband (and his siblings), never got this memo! Anything I can do to change up this situation, which doesn’t only apply to yom tovim? There have been other instances when my mother-in-law reigns supreme! Or is this a lost cause?

Dear Navidaters,

Disclaimer: This column is not intended to diagnose or otherwise conclude resolutions to any questions. Our intention is not to offer any definitive conclusions to any particular question, rather offer areas of exploration for the author and reader. Due to the nature of the column receiving only a short snapshot of an issue, without the benefit of an actual discussion, the panel’s role is to offer a range of possibilities. We hope to open up meaningful dialogue and individual exploration.

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The Panel The Rebbetzin Rebbetzin Faigie Horowitz, M.S. ou are right. This is not just about where to spend yomim tovim. It’s about how to respond to your mother-in-law, her control, her communication style, and the logic she uses. It’s also about your growing resentment about not spending yom tov with your own family as well as your relationship with your husband. You are losing respect for him for not standing up to her.

You and your husband have to hear each other and talk honestly about your feelings and needs. You need to feel safe while doing so. The healthy thing to do is to negotiate ways that both of your needs will be met. It’s not about compromising; it’s about negotiating and that each of you gets heard and gets satisfied

to some extent. You both have to get something out of what is negotiated and should come to the table, so to speak, with a win-win attitude. You are at the beginning of your marriage and this is one of many emotionally laden issues that will come up. Negotiating is an art; it takes skill and practice. And it needs to be learned first. Get some help with negotiating skills and you will find that this skill set will become a valuable tool in your marriage toolbox. It’s about a lot more than where to spend yom tov, which is always a tricky thing with two families involved. The two of you need to honestly examine your own needs, wants, preferences and perceptions. If you can share those and hear them from each other in a nonjudgmental fashion, accessing help to learn to negotiate will help resolve this particular issue and strengthen your healthy

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marriage skills for the long term. Invest in your marriage and get help to learn to negotiate after honestly sharing your feelings, needs and perceptions. It’s about a lot more than where to spend yom tov during shana rishona.

The Mother Sarah Schwartz Schreiber, P.A.

our mother-in-law may “reign supreme” but your husband is acting like a terrified child. The issue is not your overbearing, demanding, score-keeping motherin-law. Mothers-in-law, for better or worse, are a natural side effect of marriage. The more glaring problem is that your husband is emotionally dominated by her. Until he acknowledges and deals with the dysfunction, he (and you) will continue to serve at her unrealistic beck and call, ultimately and inevitably upsetting your shalom bayis. The good news is that (1) she’s not your mother and you are not petrified of her (yet), (2) there is a great geographical distance between you and her, and (3) your marriage is still fresh and your husband is eager to please his bride. While the dis-entanglement may take a while, start slowly by declining the next yom tov invitation. Blame it on your fatigue, your workload, or the price of airfare. Celebrate various yom tov meals alone or with friends (to offset your husband’s guilt over spending more time with your family). Over time, as you solidify your coupledom, your husband will develop the emotional fortitude to “Take leave of his parents and cleave to his wife” (Bereishis).

The Shadchan Michelle Mond

t sounds like your mother-in-law needs a lesson on how to back off.

Knowing that you are number 2 will always be in the back of your mind, or at the forefront.

You don’t need us to tell you these behaviors are unhealthy; you are clearly aware of the issues at hand. In your letter you mention that she makes demands, when she makes demands her children jump, and that everybody is petrified of her. While this might be appropriate content for a Purim spiel outlining humorously what mothers-in-law should absolutely not do, this is not appropriate for real life content. Firstly, realize that you can never change another person, so do not expect to wave a magic wand and have her behaviors disappear. Her behaviors are likely habitual and have been used since her children were very small – and you know how the saying goes: “Old habits die hard.” What you can do is fortify a strong relationship between you and your husband including setting boundaries with parents in which they start to view you as your own cohesive entity. You both need to work together to learn to stand your ground and do what’s best for you as a married couple. You mother-in-law must see this bond to finally come to the realization that she can’t have any control over you and that you (as a couple) call the shots This bond will be achieved by communicating with your husband the blatant issue at hand, discussing the boundaries you will make, and, finally, how he will address his mother. He should NOT say things like, “I’d love to come but *Sara doesn’t want to come this Sukkos.” This kind of message will relay weakness in your relationship. Instead, he should say something that address the two of you as a unit and should state your collective decision, “Ma, this Sukkos doesn’t work for us.” When you both are on the same page about this, it

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58 will be a lot easier to manage. If you are having trouble on our own, seek help from a therapist to give you techniques on setting healthy boundaries and fortifying a healthy communitive relationship with one another.

The Single

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Tova Wein

adly, I’ve seen this scenario play out more times than I’d like to admit. The strong, scary, all-con-

trolling, mother/mother-in-law who calls all the shots and where everyone in the family, usually including her husband, are afraid to challenge or disappoint her in any way is not unheard of. This is not going to be easy for you because once a culture is thoroughly embraced by all family members it’s virtually impossible for anyone to break out of the system. The good news is that you’re noticing this dysfunction early on in your marriage, before you too have joined into the family culture. Right now, you need to be very strong and firm with your husband and explain

Pulling It All Together The Navidaters Dating and Relationship Coaches and Therapists

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irst, validation. And lots of it. A husband’s first priority is his wife. Children are second, then parents and in-laws. You do not have children yet, which makes his parents his second priority. The issue is that when he acquiesces to his mother’s demands, he naturally makes you his second priority. This is a bad feeling. You can have a wonderful day together, enjoy his company, admire him for so many of his other wonderful attributes. But knowing that you are number 2 will always be in the back of your mind, or at the forefront. If this feeling and issue are not dealt with appropriately now, I can almost guarantee you it will permeate into every area of your marriage. Generally speaking, what happens is the “unprioritized spouse (US)” grows to resent the other spouse. He/ she learns that this person cannot meet her needs. He/she will eventually stop trying to connect with the partner, and the marital bond is damaged. The US either completely disconnects or turns elsewhere for connection.

The issue here is not your mother-in-law, believe it or not. The issue here is your relationship/at tachment/ connection with your husband. You could tell me that your mother-inlaw has fangs and blood dripping down her chin, and I would remain unconvinced. Yes, she does seem like she is quite the piece of work, but she doesn’t interest me. What interests me is that your husband has not made you his Number One…yet. I have to wonder if you saw the signs before you got married. It is unlikely that she was Sugar and Spice and Everything Nice and then turned into Cruella de Vil. (Might be the case, I’m not discounting it completely.) I would bet that there were signs. I am taking this opportunity to make a Public Service Announcement: If you have any concerns during your dating and engagement period concerning the relationship, unhealthy relationships with family members, money, priorities, person-

to him that the way his mother behaves and the way he reacts to her are not acceptable. This will very possibly be news to him because he’s probably so indoctrinated into his mother’s ways. But don’t back down. Keep at it and help your well-intentioned husband see how his mother’s demands over you two is unhealthy and will only get worse with time. If you husband fails to be able to accept your message, drag him to a couple therapist so that your beliefs will no doubt be confirmed by the therapist. Perhaps your husband will need to continue on individually to learn how to manage his mother better. It

alities, the past, drug use, smoking cigarettes, etc. please spend time in PR E-M A R I TA L C OU N S E L I NG . In pre-marital counseling, couples make sure they are on the same page and talk about the areas where they are not on the same page. And then they decide if they can accept their differences. Do not get engaged before you feel 1,000% sure that you are making the right decision. What I want you to walk away with from this response (and the panel’s response) is that you do not have to accept the behavior of your husband. It is unacceptable. Have a conversation. Tell him how you feel. Being that he has grown up this way, and you see how all his siblings tremble in fear around their mother, my intuition tells me that he isn’t going to change overnight. I want you to be prepared for that. My intuition also tells me that he is a good guy, and he simply hasn’t developed the awareness that what he is doing is wrong. I think the two of you should be in couples therapy now and work on this until it is resolved. What would resolution look like? Your husband acknowledges the problem. Your husband validates your feelings. Your husband makes changes. He tells his mother “Sorry

Do not get engaged before you feel 1,000% sure that you are making the right decision. will probably be a scary process for him, but if you want your marriage to feel balanced and normal, get busy!

Mom, but we are going to my inlaw’s for yom tov.” Or, “Sorry Mom, I can’t help you put in that lightbulb at 9:47 PM.” He is willing to put you first, no matter what his mother’s reaction may be. You feel like your husband’s Number One priority. And you have to do your part, too. Tell your husband how you feel about him never backing down to his mother. Speak up for yourself. Own it. Never doubt it. Tell your husband what you want, in a loving but firm way. “We just went to your parents last yom tov. I’d like to go to my parents this chag.” My hope is that with some couples’ therapy, you and your husband can work this issue out. Give it some time in therapy, and my advice is not to make any major decisions or major changes right now until you have some resolution and you feel confident in your new role as wife. All the best, Jennifer Mann, LCSW Esther Mann, LCSW and Jennifer Mann, LCSW are licensed, clinical psychotherapists and dating and relationship coaches working with individuals, couples and families in private practice in Hewlett, NY. To set up an appointment, please call 516.224.7779. Press 1 for Esther, 2 for Jennifer. To learn more about their services, please visit thenavidaters.com. If you would like to submit a dating or relationship question to the panel anonymously, please email thenavidaters@ gmail.com. You can follow The Navidaters on FB and Instagram for dating and relationship advice.

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See following page for more information

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Mental Health Corner

Changes in Personal Hygiene By Rabbi Azriel Hauptman

The image of depression that people have in their minds is someone who is sad, lethargic, and does not want to get out of bed in the morning. There are other signs of depression which are subtler and can be easily overlooked. Some of the lesser known symptoms of depression are irritability, lack of interest in activities that used to be pleasurable, sleep changes, weight changes, and low energy. Another symptom that is usually very apparent but often disregarded is changes in personal hygiene. Personal hygiene is a form of selfcare. Self-care is anything that a person deliberately does in order to take care of his personal needs. This includes a broad spectrum of activities including visiting a doctor, having a healthy diet, setting aside time for relaxation, etc. It is a red flag when someone displays a change in their normal practice of self-care. Regarding personal hygiene, this includes a lower frequency of showering, teeth-brushing, wearing fresh clothing, and hair care. When one is depressed, they have less interest in life activities and interactions. They can develop apathy and begin not caring about themselves and how they present to others. It is interesting to note that from Halacha we see that sadness and personal hygiene are closely related. During times of mourning when one should be sad, there are limitations placed on haircuts, bathing, and laundering clothing. This is because happiness and self-care are two sides of one coin. When one is legitimately

sad, then brief periods of diminished self-care might be considered normal. But if this behavior persists, then there is reason to be alarmed. Neglect of personal hygiene is merely a symptom and is not necessarily due to depression. There are other reasons why a person might have a change in personal hygiene. For example, when an older person experiences a decline in their memory (whether it is dementia or not), they might lose track of the last time they showered or changed their clothing. Another possible cause is traumatic brain injury which can potentially cause a very wide range of symptoms and one of them is self-neglect. Additionally, other mental health issues such as any of the psychotic disorders can be the culprit. Depression can be a â&#x20AC;&#x153;silent illnessâ&#x20AC;? with the depressed individual not being aware that he is depressed. Therefore, if there are possible signs of depression one should still seek help even if the person genuinely believes that he is okay. An evaluation by a competent mental health clinician can be essential in determining the meaning behind any changes in self-care. This is a service of Relief Resources. Relief is an organization that provides mental health referrals, education, and support to the frum community. Rabbi Yisrael Slansky is director of the Baltimore branch of Relief. He can be contacted at 410-448-8356 or at yslansky@reliefhelp.org

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Health & F tness

Yes, You Can Enjoy Stuffed Cabbage By Cindy Weinberger MS, RD, CDN

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OCTOBER 29, 2015 | The Jewish Home

ukkos is a wonderful holiday. After the Yamim Noraim, with the fear and solemn mindset, we could all use another vacation. This time, we get a fun, joyous holiday. When you hear Rosh Hashana, the food that immediately comes to mind is apples, or maybe pomegranates, or even honey cake. When you think of Yom Kippur, you think of fasting. When you think of Sukkos, does any immediate food come to mind? There is no signature food for Sukkos, however, over the years many have adopted the tradition of eating stuffed cabbage, also known as halupki, on the last day of the yom tov, Simchas Torah. I’m sure when you see the pans of stuffed cabbage at your shul’s kiddush, you can see the red oil bubbling and feel the grease through your plate. However, stuffed cabbage doesn’t have to be doused in oil or loads of sauce. Cabbage can be prepared in many different ways for eating. It can be pickled, fermented for dishes such as sauerkraut, steamed, stewed, sautéed, braised, or eaten raw in a salad, like cole slaw. In fact, when prepared mindfully, cabbage is very good for you. Fresh cabbage is very low in fat and calories. Cabbage is packed with phyto-

chemicals that are thought to help protect against certain cancers and lower LDL or “bad” cholesterol levels. Cabbage is also a great source of vitamin C (more than oranges) which helps protect the body against harmful infectious agents.

Cabbage also contains minerals like potassium, manganese, iron, and magnesium. Potassium is an important component of cell and body fluids that helps control heart rate and blood pressure. Iron is required for the red blood cell formation.

Cabbage is extremely versatile and can be prepared in so many different ways.

Vitamin C is also an antioxidant which helps fight off free radicals. Lack of vitamin C leads to a condition called scurvy. Scurvy is a disease characterized by spongy and bleeding gums, cracked lip corners, a weakened immune system, frequent infections and cold, premature aging, and depression. Because of its healing properties, vitamin C is very helpful in treating pressure ulcers, certain cancers, depression, boosting the immune system, and defending against cough and cold. Eating cabbage will help achieve all of these goals.

Cabbage is also a great source of vitamin K. Vitamin K is involved in bone building and therefore adequate amounts of vitamin K in the diet contribute immensely to your bone health. Also, vitamin K has been found to have a role in the cure of Alzheimer’s disease in patients by limiting neuronal damage in their brain by boosting mental function and concentration. Cabbage can also be your stomach’s best friend. It is a great source of fiber. Fiber bulks up stool and helps regulate bowel movements, thus aiding digestion. Therefore,

cabbage is a good remedy for constipation and other digestion-related problems. Cabbage has also been shown to cure stomach ulcers. Cabbage is also a rich source of beta-carotene which promotes good eye health. As you can see, cabbage is advantageous for a number of reasons. Like mentioned above, cabbage is extremely versatile and can be prepared in so many different ways. If you prefer the crunch, enjoy fresh cabbage in a salad. If you like a sour taste, try sauerkraut. If you crave a something tangy, try tomato cabbage soup. When making stuffed cabbage, try to cut down on the sugar in the sauce. Additionally, use brown rice instead of white rice for the stuffing, and try ground turkey or chicken instead of beef. This yom tov, enjoy the many varieties of cabbage dishes and the many benefits! Cindy Weinberger MS, RD, CDN, is a Master’s level Registered Dietitian and Certified Dietitian-Nutritionist. She graduated CUNY Brooklyn College receiving a Bachelor’s in Science and Master’s degree in Nutrition and Food Sciences. She is currently a dietitian at Boro Park Center and a private nutrition consultant. She can be reached at CindyWeinberger1@gmail.com.

THE BALTIMORE JEWISH HOME

OCTOBER 10, 2019

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Gluten Free Recipe Column Kudos to my daughter Shifra Weinstein for this recipe!!

by Mrs. Elaine Bodenheimer

GlutenFree@BaltimoreJewishHome.com

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OCTOBER 10, 2019

Peanut Chews

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(Nut-free)

What You Will Need:

Preparation:

1 cup light corn syrup 1 cup sunflower butter 8 oz. baking chocolate 1 Tbl. water 5 cups Gluten free crisp rice cereal (Wegmans is the best) 14 oz. white chocolate 2 oz. dark chocolate

Melt corn syrup, peanut butter, baking chocolate , and water in a pot( no need for a double boiler). When mixture is smooth, remove from fire and add crisp rice cereal. Mix all together. With your hand, spread evenly onto a 10 x 15 inch cookie sheet, which has been lined with parchment paper. Melt white chocolate. Spread over cereal mixture. Let it dry out. Decorate with stripes of dark chocolate to create a feather effect. Cool at room temperature. Cut into desired shapes. Enjoy!! This recipe can also be made with regular peanut butter. It also freezes very well!

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36 S34

In The K

tchen

Yom Tov Goodness By Paula Shoyer

Plum Tart

THE BALTIMORE JEWISH HOME

OCTOBER 10, 2019

OCTOBER 29, 2015 | The Jewish Home OCTOBER 3, 2017 | The Jewish Home

This tart is made with easy-to-use puff pastry crust, a custardy filling, and fresh plums. It looks like a French country tart.

Yield: 8-12 Ingredients 1 sheet frozen puff pastry (from a 17.3 ounce box) 6 ripe plums 4 tablespoons parve margarine, plus extra for greasing 1 large egg plus 1 yolk 1/3 cup plus 1 tablespoon sugar, divided ½ teaspoon pure vanilla extract 1/3 cup all-purpose flour ¼ teaspoon baking powder 1 tablespoon parve whipping cream

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Preparation

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Preheat the oven to 400°F. Move an oven rack to the lowest shelf. Place a 9 or 10-inch tart ring or tart pan with a removable bottom on top of a parchment-lined cookie sheet. Take some soft margarine and, with your finger, rub the margarine around the inside of the ring or sides of the tart pan or ring. Take the sheet of puff pastry out of the freezer. Thaw the puff pastry at room temperature for 30 to 45 minutes. Unroll the pastry on top of a piece of parchment sprinkled with a little flour. Roll the pastry about 1 inch larger than your tart ring or pan. You will need to sprinkle some flour on your rolling pin so the pastry does not stick to it. Place your hand under the parchment and flip the pastry over into the tart ring or pan, using your fingers to gently press the pastry into the corners. Peel the parchment off the pastry. Again, use your fingers to make sure the pastry is in the corners and then drape any extra dough over the top of the ring or pan. Roll your rolling pin along the top of the ring or pan to cut off the excess dough. Place in the freezer for 10 minutes while you prepare the plums and filling. Take each plum, cut in half around the pit and then slice each half into 1/4inch slices. In a microwave-safe bowl, heat the margarine in the microwave for 30 seconds to soften, but not completely melt it. In a bowl, place the whole egg and yolk, 1/3 cup of sugar, and vanilla and whisk. Add the flour and baking powder and whisk well. Add the softened margarine and whipping cream and mix well. Remove the pan from the freezer and spread this mixture evenly inside the tart ring or pan. Take the plum slices and, starting on the outside of the pastry, place the slices on their sides, in concentric circles. Pack the plums in tightly. Bake on the bottom oven rack for 25 minutes. Sprinkle the remaining tablespoon of sugar on top. Place back in the oven on the middle rack and bake another 10 minutes. Remove to rack to cool. To serve, if you used a tart ring without a bottom, slide the tart onto a serving plate and then pull off the ring. For a tart pan with a removable bottom, place your hand under the bottom and lift the tart up and out of the ring. Store covered with plastic at room temperature for five days.

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S37

Chocolate and Peanut Butter Whoopie Pies

Choc Whoo

Makes 14 to 16

Makes 14 to

THE BALTIMORE JEWISH HOME

Peanut Butter Filling ½ cup creamy peanut butter 1/3 cup soy cream cheese 1/3 cup confectioners’ sugar 1/3 cup whipping cream 4 teaspoons strawberry or raspberry jam, optional

Ingredients Cakes 1/3 cup canol 1 cup sugar 2 large eggs 1 teaspoon pu 1 ½ cups all1 teaspoon ba ½ teaspoon b ¾ cup soy m

Preparation Preheat oven to 350°F. Line two cookie sheets with either parchment paper or a silicone baking mat. You will need to bake the cakes in batches. To make the cakes Put the oil, sugar, eggs, and vanilla into a large bowl and beat with an electric mixer on low speed until smooth. Add the flour, baking soda, and baking powder, and mix thoroughly. Cover the bowl with a towel to keep the flour from showering your kitchen floor. Add half the soy milk and mix. Add the cocoa and mix until incorporated. Scrape down the sides of the bowl. Add the remaining soymilk and mix on low speed until smooth. Drop a tablespoon of batter onto the cookie sheet, and swirl it around with your finger or the back of a spoon to make it round. Leave about 2 inches between each cake. Bake the cakes for 12 minutes, or until a toothpick inserted in the center of a cake comes out clean. Use a spatula to immediately lift each cake off the cookie sheet and place it flat side down on a wire rack. Repeat for the second batch. As the cakes are cooling, move them around on the rack so they do not stick. To make the peanut butter filling In a medium bowl, place the peanut butter, cream cheese, and confectioners’ sugar and beat with an electric mixer on medium speed until smooth. In a separate bowl, beat the whipping cream until thick. Gently fold the whipping cream into the peanut butter mixture. Cover and place in the fridge for 30 minutes. To assemble the whoopie pies Place half the cakes on a plate with the flat side facing up. Spoon a heaping tablespoon of the peanut butter filling into the center of the flat side of each cake. Top with another cake, flat side down, and press the centers of the two cakes together gently to evenly spread the peanut butter filling. You should be able to see the filling from the sides, but it should not ooze out. You can also spread ¼ teaspoon of jam on the second cake before sandwiching the two together to create a peanut butter and jelly whoopie pie. Repeat for the other cakes. Store covered in the fridge for up to three days or freeze for up to three months. ©Paula Shoyer, Reprinted with permission from The Holiday Kosher Baker (Sterling 2013)

Preparation Preheat o per or a silico To make t Put the o electric mixe baking powd flour from sh the cocoa and the remainin Drop a tab your finger or tween each ca in the center cake off the c the second ba they do not st To make t In a mediu ers’ sugar and separate bow cream into th minutes. To assemb Place half tablespoon of cake. Top wit cakes togethe able to see th spread ¼ tea together to cr cakes. Store c months. ©Paula S Baker (Sterlin

Ingredients Cakes 1/3 cup canola oil 1 cup sugar 2 large eggs 1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract 1 ½ cups all-purpose flour 1 teaspoon baking soda ½ teaspoon baking powder ¾ cup soy milk

1 cup dark unsweetened cocoa Pinch of salt

baker.com.

The

Healthy

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Coming November 2017 - Available now for preorder

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Paula Shoyer is the author of The Kosher Baker, The Holiday Kosher Baker and the New Passover Menu. She does cooking and baking demos all over and has appeared on TV over 26 times including Food Network. You can find her at www.thekosher-

OCTOBER 10, 2019

ber ble der

The Jewish Home | OCTOBER 3, 2017

Paula Shoyer i

Paula Shoyer Menu The New Passover Baker The Holiday Kosher

AUTHOR OF AND

New Passover on TV over 26 baker.com.

The Jewish Home | SEPTEMBER 21, 2018 The Jewish Home | OCTOBER 29, 2015

Your

115 15

Money

OCTOBER 10, 2019

Floating Palace, Indeed!

THE BALTIMORE JEWISH HOME

By Allan Rolnick, CPA

B A LT I M O R E J E W I S H H O M E . C O M

his week’s story is a briny chowder of petty vandalism, tax avoidance, partisan posturing, and flat-out misinformation. There’s probably something in here to offend everyone. So buckle your seat belts and get ready for a ride! Education Secretary Betsy DeVos has been one of Donald Trump’s most controversial cabinet officials since barely surviving Senate confirmation thanks to the Vice President’s tie-breaker. It doesn’t help that she’s also one of Trump’s wealthiest appointees. She and her husband Dick, son of Amway founder Richard DeVos, are worth an estimated $1.3 billion. And the DeVos clan, befitting their place on the Forbes 400 list, enjoy the usual collections of homes, jets, and ten (ten!) yachts that you would expect a family of billionaires to maintain. Last month, news broke that someone had untied Betsy’s 164-foot yacht Seaquest from its dock on Lake Erie. That may be newsworthy on its own — the vessel cost 40$ million, which means damage could have been significant, and Lake Erie isn’t exactly known for random drifting superyachts. But what really drew fire was the news that DeVos, who of course serves a president dedicated

to “America First,” was flying a Cayman Islands flag on her vessel. The partisan outrage machine instantly kicked into gear, howling that DeVos had avoided over $2 million in tax with the move. Why would a Michigan billionaire, whose husband actually ran for

lets her meet a considerably less-demanding set of standards. (Think “island time,” but apply that concept to maritime rules and regulations.) So DeVos is a high-class hypocrite, right, exploiting loopholes to save millions and cheat the kids she’s sworn to serve? Well, if so,

Why would a Michigan billionaire, whose husband actually ran for governor of the state, register her floating palace on a tiny flyspeck of an island 1,700 miles away?

governor of that state, register her floating palace on a tiny flyspeck of an island 1,700 miles away? If she registers Seaquest in Michigan, she’s potentially subject to the Wolverine State’s 6% use tax, or $2.4 million. She’s subject to U.S. safety and inspection standards. And her crew is subject to U.S. labor requirements. Registering the yacht in the Caymans

she’s hardly alone. Sailing under a “flag of convenience” has a long and sometimes-even-honorable history. Early American merchantmen flew under the British flag to avoid Barbary pirates. And if you’ve ever taken a cruise, you’ve done it yourself. Take Royal Caribbean’s brand-new $1.4 billion Symphony of the Seas. She’s the world’s largest cruise ship, with

robot bartenders, 22 restaurants, 24 swimming pools. And she sails under a Bahamas flag. What’s more, it turns out the headlines blaming Betsy for registering “a fleet of yachts” outside the country are, to use a loaded term, fake news. For one thing, it turns out Seaquest isn’t even Betsy’s boat. It’s actually owned by a company called R.D.V. International Marine, a subsidiary of the DeVos family office. And the family’s other nine yachts — the Blue Sky, Quantum Racing, Delta Victor, Reflection, Attitude, Sterling, Windquest, Zorro, and De Lus — are registered to ports in Michigan, Delaware, and Florida. What’s our bottom line for this week? (Besides “don’t believe everything you read”?) The DeVos family may be a little showy with their money but they didn’t get to be billionaires by wasting money on taxes they didn’t have to pay. So make sure you have a plan when you’re ready to start building your fleet, and see what you can ultimately buy! Allan J Rolnick is a CPA who has been in practice for over 30 years in Queens, NY. He welcomes your comments and can be reached at 718-896-8715 or at allanjrcpa@aol.com.

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