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THE BALTIMORE JEWISH HOME
OCTOBER 29, 2020
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OCTOBER 29, 2015 | The Jewish Home
Dating Dialogue
What Would You Do If… Moderated by Jennifer Mann, LCSW of The Navidaters
Dear Navidaters,
B A LT I M O R E J E W I S H H O M E . C O M
I have been super close with my cousin, Devora*, all my life. We are the same age, were always in the same grade, and now are both in shidduchim. We were close friends our entire life but now that we are in shidduchim there is an invisible, unspoken wall between us. I can’t explain it but it’s as if the privacy of shidduchim has taken our friendship and put it on automatic hold. Shidduchim is literally our entire lives, aside from work and school. Our parents are close and since we are both looking for a very similar type of boy, we were told not to discuss our dating lives. I can’t even describe the feeling
inside of me when I see my cousin around town and her hair is ironed (one of the tell-tale signs that she is dating someone). I get a major inner panic attack wondering if our relationship and friendship will ever be the same if she marries this boy and I am left back in the dust of shidduchim. If we were to discuss dating, I feel like things would be so much more normal and natural, not awkward like they are now with the invisible wall up. It might even ease up the anxiety and create more of an excitement for the next stage. Do you agree with our parents that we should keep our dating lives private? Or should I bring up the topic so it’s something we can share and bond over? Thanks, Chana*
Disclaimer: This column is not intended to diagnose or otherwise conclude resolutions to any questions. Our intention is not to offer any definitive conclusions to any particular question, rather offer areas of exploration for the author and reader. Due to the nature of the column receiving only a short snapshot of an issue, without the benefit of an actual discussion, the panel’s role is to offer a range of possibilities. We hope to open up meaningful dialogue and individual exploration.
