Baltimore Jewish Home - 12-12-19 by Moshe Rubin

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THE BALTIMORE JEWISH HOME DECEMBER 12, 2019

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CONTENTS COMMUNITY

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THE BALTIMORE JEWISH HOME

DECEMBER 12, 2019

Around the Community . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .6 Community Calendar . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 36

JEWISH THOUGHT Rabbi Zvi Teichman. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 32

PEOPLE 613 Seconds . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 17

HUMOR & ENTERTAINMENT

Centerfold. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 48 Notable Quotes. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 50

LIFESTYLES Dating Dialogue. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 56 Mental Health Corner. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 66 Gluten Free Recipe Column. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 68

NEWS

Israel News . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 18 That’s Odd. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 26

Dear Readers, As humans, we can have one of several reactions when receiving something: “I have 100 of that—now I want 200.” “This was successful. I must be such a smart guy!” In this week’s parshah, Yaakov Avinu has a different, better reaction. He says, “I have become small from all the kindness…for with my staff [only] I crossed this Jordan, and now I have become two camps.” Most of us become emboldened by abundant success. We walk around thinking everyone should marvel at our genius, offering advice we think all should follow to replicate what we did. “If only more people were like me!” Yaakov Avinu, on the other hand, became humbled by success. He understood that everything comes from the Creator. If he built a large community, it was only because G-d granted him success. Being humble isn’t just a good recipe for being thankful to the One above. It helps interpersonal relationships, as well. When we’re humble, we’re able to appreciate others—others’ opinions, other perspectives at work, differences between family members. When we accomplish something, the focus doesn’t become us. It’s about those who helped and made it possible. Being thankful is a tremendous character trait to master. But it can only happen if we are humble and don’t feel the world owes us whatever we have. We have so much. Now all’s that’s left is to realize it. Of course, we still daven and yearn for the coming of Mashiach. Besides the healing it will bring, Mashiach will also open our eyes to the wonders, miracles and amazing times we are currently living in. Wishing you a peaceful Shabbos, Shalom

The Baltimore Jewish Home is an independent bi-weekly newspaper. All opinions expressed by the journalists, contributors and/or advertisers printed and/or quoted herein are solely their opinions and do not reflect the opinions of BALTIMORE JEWISH HOME, their parent company or affiliates, and may have been previously disseminated by them on television, radio, Internet or another medium. The Baltimore Jewish Home is not responsible for typographical errors, or for the kashrus of any product or business advertised within. The BJH contains words of Torah. Please treat accordingly.

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Around the Community

Agra D’Pirka Decade Dinner Celebrates Flourishing National Impact

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THE BALTIMORE JEWISH HOME

DECEMBER 12, 2019

By: Margie Pensak

onestly, I didn’t know what to expect as I disembarked the Baltimore coach bus to enter the Tiferes Rivka Hall in Boro Park, Sunday evening, November 24, for Agra D’Pirka’s Decade Dinner. But, from the minute I walked into the celebration of the flourishing unique national Morning Kollel learning program, I was greeted warmly and made to feel at home. I soon realized, having the experience of covering the Baltimore Agra D’Pirka Yarchei Kallahs for over a year as a journalist, that the warm ambiance of the evening was but a reflection of the program, directors, and participants. Agra D’Pirka is the brainchild of Ezra Klein, who has made it his mission – LeZecher Nishmas his mother, Pesi Rochel, a”h – to spread morning limud haTorah across the U.S. The fact that approximately 500 people attended the Decade Dinner, including over 100 women, was an amazing testimonial to the success of this mission. “The women always contribute an amazing amount, but more so to our mosad because they push the men and are ezrai kenegdo for the men and for the Rabbonim,” notes Reb Ezra. “They came and they were collegial; they really felt it together.” As Malkie Darabaner, wife of Boro Park Agra D’Pirka participant Josh Darabaner, shares, “We would like to give a yashar koach to Agra D’Pirka. The variety and caliber of its maggidei shiur is fantastic and they have a spe-

cial relationship with the participants. The men have a wonderful, uplifting, inspiring place to attend every day and it gives them something special to look forward to each day.” That very special kesher between Agra D’Pirka talmid and Rebbe was evident during this special evening, as demonstrated by the fact that the majority of those in attendance included Talmidim and Rabayim from around the country. “We had a half a dozen Rabbonim from Miami that came and we had busses from Lakewood, Baltimore and Monsey,” mentions Reb Ezra. “The buses bought close to 80 people. We even had car services from Queens for everybody who could not otherwise make it.” Every branch of Agra D’Pirka was represented by one or two tables depending upon the size of the contingent. The double-dais seating on the men’s side included 55 Rabbonim from the Agra D’Pirka program and beyond. For those who could not personally attend - thanks to the graciousness of Torah Anytime’ s livestreaming of the event - 5500 more people were able to experience the inspirational Decade Dinner program. HaRav Aharon Kahn, shlit”a, Mara D’asra, Knesses Bais Avigdor, in

Double dais of Agra Dprika Rabbonim.

Flatbush, delivered Divrei Bracha at the Decade Dinner and the renowned maggid, Rabbi Paysach Krohn, was the Guest Speaker. The Guests of Honor included: R’ Moshe Aharon Hoffman, of Agra D’Pirka of Williamsburg; Rabbi Yankel Herskovitz, Daily Maggid Shiur, Agra D’Pirka of Baltimore; R’Meir Nussbaum, of Agra D’Pirka of Lakewood; and R’ Dovid Tanenbaum, of Agra D’Pirka of Queens. In addition, an award was given to the Klein and Finkel families of renowned Mechaber, HaRav Avraham Finkel, z”l. There was also a special video presentation highlighting the current nine Agra D’Pirka branches, and the honorees. As Agra D’Pirka Administrator and Dinner Committee member Rabbi Chaim Fuhrer remarks, “Ten years ago, we had a dream. We would create a movement that would inspire hundreds and thousands of our brothers to change their lives. We would convince the Jewish world to start their work day with the highest quality learning programs available. With Hashem’s help, our dream has been fulfilled. We handpicked the best maggidei shiur that we could find. We added premier

Finkel-Klein family-one of the 5 honorees at the dinner

shuls in the best locations. We even added breakfast. The result is Agra D’Pirka.” “I want to thank everybody who came to the Decade Dinner, especially the Rabbonim from far and wide who joined in this celebration of our 10th anniversary,” says Reb Ezra. “And, onward and upward! We are very excited about starting an Agra D’Pirka program in West Palm Beach, next month, and we already have three of the Rabbonim to do that -- Rabbi Noach Isaac Oelbaum, Osher Hertzberg and Rabbi Pinchos Jung, among others, iy”H.” Concludes Baltimore’s Agra D’Pirka Daily Maggid Shiur and Decade Dinner Guest of Honor, Rabbi Yankel Herskovitz, “The event exceeded my expectations. It was very classy; people enjoyed it. It was an honor to represent Baltimore. People realized that the program is not just for the tristate area, and I believe Mr. Klein was trying to spread that message. Hopefully, everyone got it and realized that Mr. Klein is a real pioneer, taking on a tremendous project which is costing him time, energy, and resources. Much hatzlacha and kudos to him!”

DC To Baltimore In 15 Minutes? 4 Chambers Of Commerce In Maryland Endorse High-speed Train opportunities. By: Staff Reporter

The family of

Rabbi Jacob A. Dubrow (Rabbi of Kesher Israel, Georgetown, Washington D.C. 1925 - 1944) is looking for any books, documents, letters, or photos that may exist, perphaps in family albums. Please contact Yaakov Rosenblatt yrosenblatt@gmail.com 469-682-3282

BaltimoreJewishLife.com/Jeff Cohn

our chambers of commerce in Maryland are endorsing a plan to build a $10 billion high-speed maglev train between Baltimore and Washington. The chambers of commerce for the city of Baltimore, Baltimore County, northern Anne Arundel County and Prince George’s County voiced support for the first phase of the project on Wednesday. The groups say it would help economic development and local business

The high-speed train could connect the two cities in 15 minutes along a 36-mile route. The project is currently under review by federal, state and local agencies, as well as the Federal Railroad Administration.

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Around the Community

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Concert With A Cause Enjoyed By Overlow Crowd

By: BJLife Newsroom BaltimoreJewishLife.com/Jeff Cohn

n overflow crowd of 850 enjoyed Concert for a Cause last Sunday evening to raise funds on behalf of Laniado Hospital in Netanya, Israel. Funds raised were specifically put towards Laniado’s upcoming and newly built NICU department slated to open March 2020. Concert entertainment included Beth Tfiloh’s very own Chazzan, Avraham Albrecht along with Netanel Hershtik the famed Chazzan from the Hampton Synagogue in NY and Bal-

timore’s very own Yoni Rose from Frankfurt, Germany and Benjamin Warschawski of Skokie, IL. The program was opened by Rabbi Jonathan Lerner of Sinai Hospital along with remarks by Mr. Meir Mark of Laniado Hospital and Rabbi Mitchel Wohlberg of Beth Tfiloh. The audience was also privy toa video presentation showcasing success stories from families who personally experienced Laniado’s care and superior medical

attention for which they are world famous. Standing ovations following the concert expressed how enjoyable and wonderful the entire evening was, along with the knowledge that they

were supporting such a wonderful cause.

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Former Baltimore Mayor Sheila Dixon To Announce 2020 Political Plans Next Week

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Around the Community

Gov. Hogan Announces $3.8B School Construction Plan, Accountability Measures By: Staff Reporter BaltimoreJewishLife.com/Jeff Cohn

ov. Larry Hogan on Thursday announced a $3.8 billion proposal to more than clear local school systems’ capital funding requests. Hogan also announced a measure to allow communities to take over struggling schools. “Education has been and will continue to be our administration’s highest priority because I believe very strongly that every single child in Maryland deserves a world-class education, regardless of what neighborhood they happened to grow up in,” Hogan said. The state has received a total of $3.7 billion in requests from school systems, Hogan said.

“No governor in the history of our state has ever invested more in K through 12 education,” Hogan said. Hogan also announced a proposal, modeled on a similar law in Massachusetts, to allow schools that get two straight one-star ratings under the Maryland State Board of Education’s annual report card to be designated “innovation schools” and be taken over by community leaders. While the schools would still get state funding, community members would be empowered to make sweeping changes. “Their kids are the ones who have been cheated, so we think they should have a say over their future,” Hogan said. The Massachusetts law allows innovation schools to be established by parents, teachers, administrators,

teacher unions or outside academic or nonprofit groups. A case study conducted by the Rennie Center for Education Research & Policy looked at two innovation schools and found that the reforms led to higher academic achievement, low teacher turnover and a better school climate. For example,

staff members were able to expand support for students with disabilities and English-language learners, and use assessment data to enrich instruction for high-achieving students. During the same press conference, Hogan also reiterated objections to the $4 billion price tag on the Kirwan Commission’s recommendations for education reforms, arguing neither the commission nor lawmakers have found a way to pay for the reforms without raising taxes. The commission recommended the state bear $2.8 billion of the cost, with the remainder shared among local governments. Lawmakers will consider Hogan’s proposals and the commission’s recommendations when the legislative session begins next month.

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Around the Community

Parent Company To Sell Or Close Some Of Baltimore-Area Shoppers Grocery Stores By: Staff Reporter BaltimoreJewishLife.com/Jeff Cohn

hoppers Food parent company United Natural Foods Inc. will close four stores across Virginia and Maryland, and 13 others have been sold to other grocery store chains, including almost half to German discount grocer Lidl. “We plan to acquire six properties in Maryland and Virginia from UNFI. In Maryland, this includes sites in Annapolis, Brooklyn Park, Oxon Hill, Takoma Park and Wheaton. In Virginia, it includes a Shoppers store in Burke,” Lidl spokesman William Harwood confirmed to WTOP. “We will be making significant investments in the redevelopment of the sites, and will have more to share in terms of the grand opening timeline at the end of next year,” Harwood said. The purchase agreements with UNFI accelerates the expansion plans for Lidl, which has said it plans to open a total of 25 new stores by next spring. It currently has about a dozen stores in Maryland and Virginia. Lidl’s North American headquarters is in Crystal City, Virginia. The company now has 65 stores across the East Coast and will have more than 100 by the end of next year. The fate of Lanham, Maryland-based Shoppers has been largely in limbo since food wholesaler UNFI bought the chain in 2018, and then

promptly said it intended to exit the retail grocery business. The four Shoppers Food stores that will close for good are in Alexandria and Manassas in Virginia, and in Baltimore and Severn in Maryland. Those stores will close by the end of January. The buyer for the Shoppers store in Waldorf, Maryland, is McKay’s. And the buyer for Shoppers stores in Capitol Heights and Landover, Maryland, is Compare Foods. The remaining 26 Shoppers Food locations will continue to operate under the Shoppers brand for now, though UNFI said it intends to divest them. “Today’s announcement reflects progress on our commitment to reduce UNFI’s retail footprint and marks another step toward transforming UNFI into North America’s premier food wholesaler,” said UNFI Chief Executive Steven Spinner. Earlier this year, UNFI closed pharmacies located inside 30 Shoppers stores, and sold the prescriptions and pharmacy inventories to CVS and Walgreens. And a few Shoppers stores have

been taken over by Giant Food recently. Jonathan Williams, communications director for UFCW 400, the union representing many Shoppers workers, said in a statement: “We were shocked because this announcement has come after more than a year of silence from the company on its plans. Since UNFI acquired Shoppers, we have requested, insisted and demanded to be given information on the fate of these stores. In response, we have been met with cold indifference. UNFI has refused to provide us with any assurances that the hardworking

men and women who have dedicated their careers to this company won’t be left out in the cold.” A posting on the union’s website lists buyers for other Shoppers stores outside of the immediate D.C. area. In a regulatory filing, UNFI said it will incur $32 million to $42 million in costs and charges related to these most recent sales and closings, including $13 million to $16 million in estimated severance and employee-related costs. Below is a list of current Shoppers Food stores that have been sold or will close.

Baltimore’s YMC Students Aid OCA Campaign By: BJLife/YMC BaltimoreJewishLife.com/Jeff Cohn

hen an organization runs a 24-hour charity campaign it is all hands on deck. It’s not unusual for people from all corners of the community to come together to volunteer and help the campaign reach its goal. A busload of students arriving from a different school to help with a campaign - now that’s a little unusual! The students of Yeshivat Mekor Chaim (YMC), however, did not think twice when presented with the opportunity to spend some

time during their day making phone calls for the Ohr Chadash Academy (OCA) 500k campaign on November 25. YMC was excited about our participating in OCA’s campaign. It was a great opportunity for our

students to have hands-on experience engaging in important chesed by helping to raise needed tzedaka funds. Equally important YMC appreciated the opportunity to show hakoras hatov to OCA where many of our stu-

dents developed their foundation in learning. YMC students were greeted by the OCA administration and got straight to work making phone calls and entering donations. In their visit to OCA the YMC boys successfully solicited many donations and were an important part of the campaign. An added bonus for alumni was seeing some of their former teachers and classmates who were all thrilled to see them. It was a wonderful afternoon of collaboration and YMC looks forward to engaging in other chesed opportunities in the community throughout the year.

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Councilman Isaac “Yitzy” Schleifer’s 3rd Annual State of the District!

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613 Seconds with Zev Steen school joined the Center for Initiatives in Jewish Education (CIJE), an organization that created an in-depth, technology-focused curriculum for high schools. Bnos Yisroel asked me to take on that challenge as well, and I accepted.

What makes teaching in BNOS YISROEL unique? Bnos Yisroel really focuses on the specific needs of the student. They identify the strengths of each girl and find a way for them to use that strength and grow their self confidence. I have learned a lot from this and base my class around that ideal. Every project the students create requires technical and writing skills as well as creative and art skills. While I require each student to experience every aspect, I allow them to focus on their strengths as they work with their groups to develop their ideas. What is the most interesting project the girls have completed? Because of the independent nature

What are some upcoming STEM projects? We are currently working on a remote-controlled boat. The students have to design and build the boat using wood, saws, and drills. They have to assemble and wire the mechanical components and program the computer microcontroller to respond properly to the remote control. From this project, the students learn about transistors and wireless connectivity. They also learn how to solder electronic components. They need to keep the boat design in mind, as well, since we plan to race them in a local pond. Next up - Build and program an autonomous vehicle that will follow a black line without any other user input. If someone doesnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t love math,

can they still be good at STEM? Certainly! I have students who started out last year, insisting they never do well in math and science. This year, we made the class an elective and many of those students instantly asked to join our class. Everyone in a group has a valuable part to play in our STEM curriculum. Some are good at the math and programming part, some are good at coming up with ideas, some are good at working through the design process. They all have to work together, learning from each other, to create a finished, usable product. What do you expect the students to have learned by the end of the program? I expect the students to leave class with an understanding of basic electronic design and programming. They will know how to develop and test a marketable idea as well as create, test, and troubleshoot the product or prototype itself. They will learn how to present their invention to the public at an event with thousands of attendees. Any final words? It is a pleasure to work in a school that offers diverse experiences like STEM & Robotics to any student who demonstrates interest in this subject. In general, I find Bnos Yisroel to be a school that demonstrates care for every student and is available to support each student as they explore endless possibilities in their growth.

B A LT I M O R E J E W I S H H O M E . C O M

How did you end up as a STEM teacher in Baltimore? My daughters all go to Bnos Yisroel. One of the things I love about the school is that they are always looking for new and exciting classes and activities to offer the students. In 2017, the school wanted to offer the 12th graders something unique for one period a week. They came up with the idea of a class that would present the girls with a wide array of scientific topics to let them experience the breadth of information and career opportunities in those fields available to them when they leave High School. Since I am a parent in the school and have a strong science and technology background, the school approached me to see if I would be willing to create and teach a curriculum to fit their idea. I accepted the challenge. The students loved it! We played with mice, created chemical reactions, and dissected fresh cow hearts, among many other hands-on projects. The next year, the

What is your favorite thing about teaching STEM? I love the fact that it really gives the students the freedom to use their creativity. I teach them the basics. What they do with that knowledge is up to them. They have to work together in groups to come up with an idea, plan it, and build it. I love watching that process and seeing the excitement they have when they get their own creation to work.

of the class, groups develop their own projects. My job is to make sure they have the knowledge and materials to bring their ideas to life. I am always amazed at the creativity and the fantastic ideas they come up with together with their groups. Here are a few of the projects the students developed and created: A system to prevent rain from entering a sukkah that does not interfere with the kashrus of the sukkah. A security camera that detects when a child falls into a pool and alerts the parents. A wearable armband that senses basketball layup fouls and notifies the referee.

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The IDF found itself in hot water last week after it was exposed forging the number of haredi recruits in order to meet recruiting targets. Until 2012, haredi yeshiva students were legally exempt from the mandatory draft under legislation known as the Tal Law. That year, the High Court of Justice struck down the law as unconstitutional but said that all haredim did not have to be drafted immediately as long as the government could meet consistent draft goals. Since then, the IDF has increased the number of ultra-Orthodox combat units in order to promote integration in the military. These battalions, which currently exist in the Kfir, Paratroopers, and Givati infantry brigades, appeared to work, as the number of haredi recruits continued to rise. Yet a new report alleges that the IDF purposely adopted a loose definition of what constitutes a haredi soldier in order to cover up its failure to reach the necessary number of recruits. This false data was presented as fact to the IDF Chief of Staff, the Defense Ministry, and the government until it was exposed by senior journalist Carmela Menashe. According to Menashe, the military defined anyone serving in one of its ultra-Orthodox units as haredi, even if he was no longer religiously observant. This included foreign volunteers who wanted to evade a mandatory three-month Hebrew course,

married Religious Zionist troops who wanted more time at home with their wives, members of Chabad, and Religious Zionists who didn’t want to serve with women. Nevertheless, they were all counted by the army as haredim, something which reportedly tripled the real number in the IDF. In 2017 for example, the IDF reported that 3,070 haredim enlisted, while the real number was only 1,300. In 2013, meanwhile, only 600 haredi troops were drafted while the IDF reported that the real figure was 1,200. Officers who were aware of the real state of affairs were also pressured by their superiors to perpetuate the lie or face demotion. While the IDF has confirmed that mistakes were made regarding the criteria of who was haredi, it maintains that the mistake was not part of an overall policy of dishonesty. “There isn’t a will to inflate the numbers – it stemmed from our interpretation of who is ultra-Orthodox,” said IDF Manpower head, Maj. Gen. Moti Almoz. “It is possible that people made mistakes, but there was no malice and definitely not forgery of numbers.”

Siding with Israel at the UN

Thirteen countries surprisingly opposed an anti-Israel UN resolution this year in what can be a sign that the international body is becoming less hostile towards the Jewish state. The resolution had taken place in the UN Department of Palestinian Affairs and singled out Jewish-owned homes in Judea and Samaria for condemnation. The Department of Palestinian Affairs is considered vehemently anti-Israel and routinely bashes Israel for a litany of supposed crimes. While the resolution passed by a large margin, 13 countries voted to oppose it for the first time, including

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The Week In News Germany, the Czech Republic, Austria, Bulgaria, Denmark, Estonia, Greece, Lithuania, Netherlands, Romania, Slovakia, Brazil, and Colombia. In previous years, these countries had decided to abstain with regards to these issues. The change is rare in the UN, as the aforementioned countries that decided to oppose the anti-settlements resolution had traditionally supported such bills or had abstained. The vote took place the UN’s Palestine Day, a day the organization dedicates to criticizing the Jewish State. Israel thanked the 13 countries for changing their voting habits, adding that it was a step towards peace and against anti-Israel bias. “I am pleased that this significant group of countries has decided today to voice a clear moral stance against discrimination toward Israel at the UN,” said Foreign Minister Israel Katz. “This represents an important step in the long struggle against the prejudiced bias toward Israel at the United Nations. Particularly noticeable is the shift in the stance of sev-

PESACH 2020

eral member states of the European Union, and I trust that the remaining EU members will adopt this position soon.” Meanwhile, the Palestinian Authority (PA) harshly criticized the nations for changing their vote, with its ambassador telling the council that “if you protect Israel, it will destroy you all.” He added that the very idea of a Jewish state constitutes “shameless racism.” The resolution had been sponsored by a slew of nations, including Comoros, Cuba, Indonesia, Jordan, Kuwait, Lao People’s Democratic Republic, Qatar, Saudi Arabia, Senegal, United Arab Emirates, and Yemen. It passed by a margin of 87-54 votes with 23 abstentions. The UK, France and Spain abstained, as they do every year. The United States, Canada, Australia, Guatemala, Honduras, Hungary, Micronesia, the Marshall Islands, Nauru, and Kiribati voted against the resolution.

AT THE BEAUTIFUL

Lebanese Businessman Donates Hitler’s Effects to Israel

A Swiss-Lebanese businessman responded to a controversial public auction featuring Nazi leader Adolph Hitler’s personal effects by purchasing them. In recent weeks, the Munich-based Hermann Historica auction house caused a storm after announcing that it would sell off the mass murderer’s personal effects. The 10 personal items included the German Fuhrer’s cigar box, a copy of Mein Kampf, and his top hat.

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artifacts, which you are generously donating to Yad Vashem, will help convey the legacy of the Holocaust to the next generation who will not meet survivors,” Rivlin said. The president added, “What you did was seemingly so simple, but this act of grace shows the whole world how to fight the glorification of hatred and incitement against other people. It was a truly human act.” Making the story more remarkable is Chatila’s Lebanese heritage. Israel and Lebanon are officially enemies and have already fought two wars against each other, with many predicting that another round is only a matter of time. Lebanon also does not recognize Israel’s right to exist and bans its citizens from communicating with Israelis.

Elections to be Held March 2

Here we go again. On Tuesday, a bill for new elections was presented in the Knesset by lawmakers from both major parties, Likud and Blue and White, signaling an ignominious end to the short-lived 22nd Knesset. The legislation sets the date of the next general election at March 2, 2020, marking an unprecedented third election within 11 months, after the last two votes on April 9 and September 17. The bill was drafted by Blue and White lawmakers Avi Nissenkorn, Meir Cohen and Tzvi Hauser, together with Likud’s MKs Miki Zohar and Shlomo Karai. “These are not the pieces of legislation I had hoped to submit as a public representative, and I still hope that we can pull them tomorrow before midnight and announce the establishment of a broad unity government,” said Nissenkorn, who had also co-sponsored legislation to dissolve the 21st Knesset in his first term as an MK. Following the filing of the bill, Blue and White chief Benny Gantz

said there was still time to avoid “costly and unnecessary” elections. He said his party was “making every effort” to form a government without giving up its principles. He also called on Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu to announce he would not seek parliamentary immunity. “As you promised before the previous election, do not hide behind parliamentary immunity, and go defend your innocence in court,” Gantz said in a video statement. “You have the full right to protect yourself but you must not make the Knesset a safe haven for criminals. “Do this so that we can find a solution and form a government,” Gantz added. In response, Netanyahu said Gantz was engaging in “spin.” “The time has come that one day, for the good of the citizens of the State of Israel, we’ll sit and seriously discuss the formation of a broad unity government. It is still not too late,” Netanyahu tweeted. The April 2019 election made history when, by the end of May, it became the first-ever Israeli election that failed to produce a government. After both Netanyahu and Gantz failed to form a coalition in the wake of the September vote, the Knesset had a Wednesday deadline for a majority of lawmakers to agree on an MK to form a government before parliament will be dissolved and a new election will be called. Neither Gantz’s Blue and White nor Netanyahu’s Likud has enough allies to form a government without the other or the support of Yisrael Beytenu, but the two parties have failed to make progress on unity efforts.

Speedy Beatie Forced to Slow Down? Beatie Deutsch, the American-born haredi athletic sensation, saw her dream of representing Israel in the 2020 Tokyo Olympics collapse after the competition was moved to Shabbat. The mother of five had been training intensively to qualify for the

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The Week In News Games since winning Israel’s Half Marathon in January. Her dream appeared well on its way to becoming a reality until organizers informed her this past week that her event would be moved to Shabbat, a day in which the Orthodox Deutsch refuses to compete. “I felt like I was punched in the stomach this morning,” wrote Deutsch on social media. ”But the truth is I’m more than OK. When they announced the World Championships would take

place on Shabbos, I remember not even feeling disappointed because I knew I had the Olympics. “There have been several other competitions that were on Shabbos, but it’s never even been a question for me.” Deutsch added, however, that she would do everything in her power to get the race shifted to a different day of the week before deciding to throw in the towel.

burst onto Israel’s athletic scene in recent years as one of the country’s top runners, racking up a slew of marathon wins in a headscarf and a skirt and even running the 26-mile race last year while seven months pregnant with her fifth child.

Lapid: No Rotation Needed

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“I am planning to keep calm, keep training,” Deutsch said. “I am a fighter and will not give up. I will do all I can to change the date.” She added, “Life isn’t always about results, sometimes the journey is even more important, and I am here for the journey.” Originally from Washington, D.C., Beatie (Bracha) Deutsch emigrated to Israel in 2009 and settled in Jerusalem’s Har Nof neighborhood. She

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Senior Kahol Lavan leader Yair Lapid agreed to forgo an agreed-upon prime minister rotation with party head Benny Gantz this week, abandoning the deal that could have made him the country’s leader. “If there are elections, we’ve decided that this time there won’t be a rotation agreement. We will go together, all of us, a large and united Blue and White, behind Benny Gantz, our candidate for prime minister,” announced Lapid on Monday. Hitting back at claims that he was forced out by Gantz, Lapid said that he had willingly given up his shot to be Israel’s leader in order to help Kahol Lavan’s chances in the event of a third election. “I don’t feel like I’m giving up on something. I feel privileged,” said Lapid. “We built the largest party in the country. We set principles and values and stood by them despite all the temptations,” Lapid added. “We will do everything to prevent elections in the coming few days. If we succeed, great. If not – Blue and White will run united in the next election, led by Benny Gantz. And we will win.” Lapid had conditioned merging his Yesh Atid party with Gantz’s Hosen L’Yisrael before the first round of elections in April on sharing the job of prime minister with Gantz. Known as the rotation, the pact would have seen Gantz serving as premier for two years following an electoral victory, after which he would be replaced by

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The Week In News Lapid. The agreement is thought to have caused Kahol Lavan significant damage in the ballot box, as Israelis who liked Gantz but opposed Lapid were moved to cast their vote for other parties. Lapid and Gantz also clashed repeatedly, with the popular ex-general and Lapid disagreeing on whether to enter a Netanyahu-led unity government. While Gantz had agreed to Netanyahu’s clause that he continue serving as premier for the first half of the term, Lapid had adamantly refused and vetoed every possible coalition breakthrough. The disagreement reportedly resulted in Gantz warning Lapid that he would split off of Kahol Lavan should he refuse to soften his position.

Prison for Israeli Embassy Plot

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A Jordanian court sentenced a man

to eight years in prison this week for plotting to attack the Israeli embassy in Amman last year. According to the state security court, Khaled Abu Raya “threatened to carry out terrorist acts.” The 33-yearold Jordanian planned “to open fire on the embassy and its employees in a bid to kill a large number of Israelis.” The plot was concocted in response to the transfer of the U.S. Embassy from Tel Aviv to Jerusalem in May 2018, a major policy shift that outraged Palestinians and Arabs. According to the charge sheet, it was also motivated by Israel’s policies visa-vis the Gaza Strip which has been rocked by anti-Israeli protests since March last year. The same court also sentenced another Jordanian, Munir Ibrahim, to three years in jail on Monday for planning to infiltrate Israel and attack soldiers in the Jewish state. Illegal crossings of the tightly secured border between Jordan and Israel are rare. Earlier this month, Jordan referred an Israeli to court on charges of illegally

entering the kingdom and possessing drugs. Ties between the two countries, which are bound by a peace treaty, have been cool in recent years amid disagreements and issues linked to the Israeli-Palestinian conflict.

An Emotional Support Bee

An Arizona man’s

support animal is creating quite a buzz – and that’s his point. David Keller of Arizona recently registered swarms of bees as his service pets. Completing the application online, Keller’s pets were approved to stand by his side through thick and thin – and in restaurants and on planes. “A lot of people thought it was hilarious and a lot of people were getting upset,” Keller said about registering the unusual pets. He uploaded a random photo of a beehive as a service animal “to bring awareness to the issue that anyone could do this,” he explains. Keller was inspired to go through with the registration after seeing a service dog that was visibly untrained. “I could very easily tell that it was not a service animal because it was pulling the owner to the parking lot,” says Keller. “I was thinking that it’s just too easy to get these animals to be service animals.” We bee-lieve you.

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Richard Gooding, an American businessman from Colorado who has since passed away, was said to have a “great passion” for growing his whisky library, often traveling to Scotland and Ireland with Kirk, “his pilot,” to seek out rare bottles or attend auctions. Now, Gooding is no longer living, but his extensive collection of Scotch whisky is still around. In a few months, in February and April of 2020, the lot will go to auction, expecting to bring in more than $10 million. The collection is described as the “most significant” and ”largest private collection of whisky ever to go to auction” and comprises more than 3,900 bottles of Scotch, many of which were sourced by Gooding from some of Scotland’s “lost distilleries.” Some bottles are also valued at over $1.3 million each. Among the many rarities, Gooding’s library includes each of the largest private collections of Macallan, Bowmore and Springbank whiskies. “The great majority of his purpose was to have a collection, at the end,

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of one of everything that was ever made. The perfect collection,” his pilot, Kirk, said. Gooding’s wife, Nancy, agrees. “He was always so pleased to acquire the bottles that he was searching for over the years – his mission was to collect a bottle that represented every single distillery, but his favorite was always Bowmore with his preferred whisky being Black Bowmore,” she said. Gooding also kept his collection in an at-home “pub” he created to house the “eccentric library of whiskies” at his Colorado residence. “Looking through it, you can tell it was put together by someone who loved whisky — and loved to drink it,” whisky expert Angus MacRaild remarked of the lot. “So many of the bottles in this collection are special because they represent such outstanding quality; from wonderful independent rarities, to ancient bottlings of legendary single malts from before the Second World War, to some classic official bottlings.” Some of the most rare bottles in Gooding’s collection include The Macallan 1926 60-year-old Valerio Adami — of which just 12 bottles were ever produced, each featuring a label designed by Italian artist Valerio Adami — and The Macallan 1926 60-year-old Fine and Rare, a bottle of which once sold for $1.9 million, according to Sotheby’s. Gooding’s entire “Perfect Collection” is expected to draw as much as $10.5 million at auction, according to reports. Spending so much money on whisky would drive me to drink.

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Torah Thought

Seeing the Light By Rabbi Zvi Teichman

Yosef is about to fulfill his father’s request to check on his brothers’ wellbeing. As he cheerfully approaches them with admiration, words of praise and blessing, things take a sudden turn for the worse. One can only imagine the horror Yosef sensed as they unexpectedly and violently rip off all four layers of his garments, stripping him naked and then tossing him into a pit. )‫(ב"ר פד טז ויפ"ת שם‬, The contrast is so stark. By counterpointing these extremes within the breath of the same verse, the Torah seems to be drawing our attention to this dichotomy. How could it be that although Yosef reaches out so lovingly he encounters such extreme animosity in return? Was he so blind to their true feelings? Were they so immune to his sincere sentiments for them? The Torah describes how, they stripped Yosef, his tunic, the cloak of many colors that he was wearing. )‫(בראשית לז כג‬ The verse seems long winded. We know very well, from the context of the events described, from whom they stripped the garment. Why is there a need to reiterate that and they stripped Yosef?

It also seems that there was more than one garment that was removed. The Midrash indeed interprets each reference in the verse as representing another garment: 1) Yosef, 2) his tunic, 3) the cloak of many colors, 4) that he was wearing, for a total of four. The main issue at hand was their ‘dethroning’ Yosef from the special colorful cloak specifically, that was so fondly bestowed on him by their father Yaakov, the object of their envy and hatred. Why all the added drama? What was so special about this cloak that so stoked their emotions? At the conclusion of Birkas Kohanim, the Priestly Blessing we receive from the Kohanim, there is a special prayer, Yehi Ratzon many of us recite during each festival it is repeated. Among numerous requests, we also ask: ‫ לחן ולחסד ולרחמים בעי־‬,‫ותתננו לאהבה‬ ‫ כשם שנתת את יוסף‬...‫ניך ובעיני כל רואינו‬ ‫צדיקך בשעה שהלבישו אביו כתנת פסים לחן‬ ‫ולחסד ולרחמים בעיניך ובעיני כל רואיו‬, And may You grant that we find love, favor, kindness and mercy in Your eyes and in the eyes of all who behold us; ... just as You granted Yosef, Your righteous one - at the time

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his father garbed him in a cloak of many colors - that he found favor, kindness and mercy in Your eyes and in the eyes of all who beheld him. Favor!? In the eyes of all who beheld him? Wasn’t that the moment that Yaakov erred so fatefully by arousing with this gift the jealousy of Yosef’s brothers? Rabbeinu Bachya reveals that the ‘garbing of Yosef’ entailed much more than a symbolic article of clothing representing Yosef’s standing among his brothers. He refers us to the 22 letter Name of G-d, that emanates from the words of Birkas Kohanim through a special mystical formulation. It appears in the Siddur and is to be scanned with our eyes when reciting this prayer. Yaakov was transmitting this Name and its powers, among them the ability to find favor, to Yosef, at this very juncture. What is this power that is inherent within the Priestly Blessing and what is its relationship to Yosef in particular? The blessing the Kohanim recite refers to the holiness invested within them that stems from the holiness of Aharon HaKohen, every Kohen’s ancestor. Aharon merited this special because he rejoiced in his heart in absolute joy and admiration, when his younger brother, Moshe, assumed leadership of the Jewish nation, despite Aharon being his senior. The blessing reiterates the need to bless the nation "‫"באהבה‬, with love. When the Torah commands the Priests to bestow this blessing it never states a direct command ‘to bless’, it merely mentions, So shall you bless, making note of the text to be used but never clearly demanding them to. Many aver that it is precisely because the blessing must be initiated out of a desperate personal desire to bless the people, '‫'באהבה‬, with love, rather than just as a fulfillment of a directive from G-d, that the Torah worded it this way.'‫(ספר וידבר משה פ‬ )‫נשא ועוד‬ In fact, the very first time the blessing was given, at the dedication of the Mishkan, it was absent of any command, and stemmed solely from Aharon’s craving to bestow goodwill upon the nation. When one removes all notion of self-interest and sees the good in those around him and yearns to ‘serve’ and care for others, absent of any ulterior

motive, one has achieved ‫כהונה‬, a concept that finds its root in the word, ‫;כון‬ to prepare, ready and eager to ‘serve’ altruistically. (RSRH) The Tur records a ‘beautiful custom’ that has the Torah reading on Chanuka begin, not with the offerings that were brought to celebrate the dedication of the Mishkan, but rather, with the paragraph immediately prior to it that describes details of the Priestly Blessings. )‫(או"ח תרפ"ד‬ In his commentary on Chumash he writes that the juxtaposition of this portion to the dedication of the Mishkan alludes prophetically to the dedication of the Temple in the days of the Chashmonaim, a family of Kohanim to whose credit we celebrate Chanuka. The Targum on Shir HaShirim relates that the “sixty mighty soldiers” who keep the peace, refers to the sixty letters that comprise the Priestly Blessing, that powered the Jewish armies to victory. )‫(שה"ש ג ז‬ The Ramban points out, based on Midrashim, that when Aharon was frustrated in the fact that he missed out in participating in the Mishkan dedication’s celebratory offerings, G-d pacified him by informing him that he was destined for something much greater, something that would endure even after the destruction of the Temple. It was revealed to Aharon the future Mitzva of ‫נר חנוכה‬, the lighting of the Chanuka menora, would be instituted by the Chashmonaim, as well as the Priestly Blessings that would be performed for eternity. Clearly there is a pattern developing here. The ability to see beyond one’s own needs and dedicate oneself to others is the key to victory in Avodas Hashem. ‫ ;חן‬favor, too, is the tool one utilizes in conquering the interests and admiration of others in one’s quest to inspire and represent the ‫הארת פנים‬, illumination of G-d’s countenance and presence in our lives. One who radiates the attributes of Aharon is assured to carry out one’s mission in life successfully, enlisting all those he encounters towards a heightened awareness of the source of all illumination, G-d. Yosef was wearing four garments, corresponding to the four priestly garments the Kohen Gadol donned at the service on Yom Kippur. ‫(מדרש תלפיות‬ )‫ערך יוסף‬ All those who viewed “Yosef” were indeed smitten with his ‫חן‬, ‘fa-

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vor’. Throughout the entire episode whenever the Torah describes the interaction and relationship between the brothers and ‫יוסף‬, Yosef, they always relate to “him”, and not to “‫”יוסף‬. His brothers saw that their father loved him...)‫(לז ד‬ His brothers were jealous of him )‫(לז יא‬ They saw him from a distance ‫(לז‬ )‫יח‬ Yet, when Yaakov relates to his beloved son, the Torah describes how “Yisroel loved Yosef more than his brothers”. )‫(לז ג‬ When the Arab merchants take Yosef, the Torah states, “they brought Yosef to Egypt”. )‫(לז כח‬ Throughout the entire episode with Potiphar, his wife, and the jailed butler, “‫ ”יוסף‬is referred to time and time again: He left everything in the hand of Yosef )‫;(לט ו‬ Even though she spoke to “Yosef” every day )‫(לט י‬ The butler told his dream to Yosef )‫(מ ט‬ The Torah is teaching us a profound lesson in human relationships. The brothers had their own agenda. They only related to Yosef insofar as he interfered or assisted them in their own goals. They never stopped to value who he truly was and the greatness that he possessed. They merely saw ‘him’, never ‘Yosef’. Rashi tells us that the verse that states “His brothers went off to pasture” is not describing their pasturing of their father’s sheep, but rather of themselves. They viewed Yosef only through the lens of their own visions, understanding and needs. Would they have stopped to see the true Yosef, they would have understood his greatness and why he truly deserved Yaakov’s special love and regard. The Arab merchants, Potiphar, his wife and the butler had no preconceived notions, they merely saw him for who he was and what he actually represented and indeed he radiated a special favor that was uniquely ‘Yosef’, that was instantly recognized and admired. Indeed, when Yaakov clothed him in the ‘colorful cloak’, he was affirming this radiance that was a manifestation of the source of all illumination, the Name of G-d Itself. He was immediately to find favor "‫בעיני כל "רואיו‬, in the eyes of all who beheld “him”, Yosef! There is one exception however:

and they stripped Yosef. Here is the only encounter where they regard him as ‘Yosef’. What is the message? The Holy Arizal teaches that of the Ten Martyrs who served as an atonement for this grave sin between the brothers, was the great Kohen Gadol, Rabbi Yishmael ben Elisha who corresponded to Yosef. There were many similarities between them. They were both extraordinarily handsome, they were both taken captive when they were young. Just as Yosef was ‘stripped’, so too when the daughter of the Caesar begged to retain Rabbi Yishmael ben Elisha’s beautiful countenance, the Caesar directed his henchmen to flay his skin from upon his face in order to preserve it. )‫(שער הגלגולים לה‬ The brothers stripped Yosef from his most prized possession - his essence. Just as the princess perceived the great Sage’s beauty in the shallowest way, so too did the brothers refuse to take an honest look at Yosef, thus stripping the essence of ‘Yosef’ from him. The light of Chanuka symbolizes a most powerful beam of light, the radiance of the ‫שכינה הקדושה‬, the Divine Countenance itself. It burns brightly within each one of us. The spirit of man is the lamp of G-d. Aharon was appeased by the knowledge that forever there will be individuals who will understand the secret of the Priestly Blessing and the mystical 22 letter Name of G-d that emanates from it. People who would devote themselves selflessly to reflecting His light in all they endeavor. In the kindling of the Chanuka menorah, Aharon rests assured that his legacy of understanding, dedication and sense of mission would persevere and continue to enlighten a dark world with the light of our souls, the light of Torah. We must see and appreciate the light that burns brightly within each other so that in the merit of our actions we will herald the ultimate brightness that will inspire an entire world on the day Moshiach will arrive. May I boldly suggest that ‫חנוכה‬ is a contraction of ‫חנו‬, from the root ‫חן‬, his favor, that finds its might from the message of ‫כה‬, the ...‫כה תברכו‬, So shall you bless, the Priestly Blessing and its call to enlighten our world with understanding and appreciation of one another.

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YU The Azrieli Foundation Donates $18 Million to Yeshiva University The donation is the Azrieli family’s latest investment in higher education, the Jewish community and the next generation of leaders

New York, NY - December 9, 2019—Yeshiva University announced at its 95th Annual Hanukkah Dinner and Convocation on Sunday, Dec. 8, 2019, that it has received an $18 million gift from The Azrieli Foundation. The gift will provide continued support of the Azrieli Graduate School of Jewish Education and Administration as well as strengthen undergraduate scholarships. It is one of the largest gifts focused on Jewish education that Yeshiva University has received and stands to have lasting impact on generations of YU students. The Azrieli Graduate School was established in 1983 by the Canadian builder and visionary businessman David J. Azrieli. Since opening 36 years ago, Azrieli has educated over 800 students from around the world. Every day, our graduates are teaching in hundreds of classrooms, camps and Jewish places of learning, helping to shape the next generation of students. They have a lasting impact on their students and inspire and infuse both passion and skill in their classrooms. Graduates have demonstrated leadership both in the classroom and through service to their communities and are shaping the landscape of Jewish education across the globe. This gift will help provide opportunities for undergraduates and graduates to receive a world-class education based in foundational Torah values and will enable faculty to continue innovating and enhancing programs. “This historic gift to Jewish education and Jewish educators is transformative for the future of our communities,” said Dr. Ari Berman, President

of Yeshiva University. “The Azrieli family is the gold seal in philanthropy, and this gift reflects their true partnership and commitment to the essential work of Yeshiva University.” The announcement was made at Yeshiva University’s 95th Annual Hanukkah Dinner and Convocation, which took place at the New York Hilton Midtown Hotel in New York City. During the evening, the University presented the Azrieli family with its Legacy Award, celebrating 36 years of transformative partnership with Yeshiva University and honoring the Azrieli Foundation’s three decades of impact philanthropy. “We are honored to receive this recognition, which would have meant so much to my father,” said Dr. Naomi Azrieli, Chair and CEO of the Azrieli Foundation. “He held a deep belief, which we share, in the redemptive power of education. He also felt that his support of education wasn’t charity, as it was giving back what education had given to him.” During the evening, Dr. Berman conferred an honorary degree upon philanthropist Howard Jonas, founder and chairman of IDT Corporation, Genie Energy and IDW Media and chairman of the board of directors at Rafael Pharmaceuticals. Jonas and his wife, Debbie, support a variety of

causes in the Jewish community. Their family foundation supports health and hospitals, education, poverty relief, addiction treatment, religious outreach and the disabled, primarily in Israel and the United States. The evening also featured recognition of the Yeshiva University Women’s Organization (YUWO), which provides scholarships to students in need, sponsors educational Shabbat programs and funds chesed [charity] programs. YUWO also offers stipends for undergraduate students with basic needs not covered by scholarships, such as food, clothing, textbooks and healthcare. The Hanukkah Dinner and Convocation drew guests who are among the country’s leading Jewish philanthropists and community leaders. Past speakers and honorees have included former President George W. Bush, New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg, former Secretary of State and then-Senator Hillary Clinton, Senator Kirsten Gillibrand, Vice President Al Gore, New York State Governor Andrew Cuomo and Senator John McCain. About Yeshiva University Founded in 1886, Yeshiva University brings together the ancient traditions of Jewish law and life and the heritage of Western civilization. More than 7,400 undergraduate and graduate students study at YU’s four New York City campuses: the Wilf Campus, Israel Henry Beren Campus, Brookdale Center, and Jack and Pearl Resnick Campus. YU’s three undergraduate schools – Yeshiva Col-

lege, Stern College for Women, and Sy Syms School of Business – offer a unique dual program comprised of Jewish studies and liberal arts courses. Its graduate and affiliate schools include Albert Einstein College of Medicine, Benjamin N. Cardozo School of Law, Wurzweiler School of Social Work, Ferkauf Graduate School of Psychology, Azrieli Graduate School of Jewish Education and Administration, Bernard Revel Graduate School of Jewish Studies, the Katz School of Science and Health and Rabbi Isaac Elchanan Theological Seminary. YU is ranked among the nation’s leading academic institutions. Founded in 1886, Yeshiva University brings together the ancient traditions of Jewish law and life and the heritage of Western civilization. More than 7,400 undergraduate and graduate students study at YU’s four New York City campuses: the Wilf Campus, Israel Henry Beren Campus, Brookdale Center, and Jack and Pearl Resnick Campus. YU’s three undergraduate schools – Yeshiva College, Stern College for Women, and Sy Syms School of Business – offer a unique dual program comprised of Jewish studies and liberal arts courses. Its graduate and affiliate schools include Albert Einstein College of Medicine, Benjamin N. Cardozo School of Law, Wurzweiler School of Social Work, Ferkauf Graduate School of Psychology, Azrieli Graduate School of Jewish Education and Administration, Bernard Revel Graduate School of Jewish Studies, the Katz School of Science and Health and Rabbi Isaac Elchanan Theological Seminary. YU is ranked among the nation’s leading academic institutions.

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In the Business of Igniting Souls – Neve Yerushalayim A young American tourist wearing jeans and a backpack descends the steps to the Kotel plaza. Gazing at the Wall for the first time, she knows she’s supposed to be moved. But she’s too annoyed—Why are women shunted off to the side? she fumes and she marches right into the men’s section. She’s about halfway to the Kotel when a guard suddenly notices her. “You not to be here, you to be there,” he says in broken English. He escorts her out. At that moment, a tall man wearing a black fedora approaches her. He smiles. “Are you Jewish?” he asks. “Yes,” she says, between clenched teeth. “Would you be interested in a Friday night Shabbat meal with a religious family, or a class on Jewish philosophy?” “No!” she replies, wanting nothing to do with Judaism. For the next few hours, she

wanders around the Old City. But something pulls her back to the Kotel. Again, the partition upsets her, but she has no choice about it. On the women’s side, she goes up to the Wall. Placing her hands on the stones, She feels nothing. Oh well, she thinks. I tried. With that, she exits the women’s section. Just then, a young woman approaches. “Excuse me,” she says with a friendly smile, “do you have a map of the Old City?” “Yeah, just a second,” the tourist responds, reaching into her backpack. “By the way, are you Jewish?” Hmm, the tourist thinks. I believe I’ve heard this before. “Yes. Why?” “While you’re here in Jerusalem, would you be interested…” Yup, sounds familiar. The tourist pauses. Yes, I would. Two months later, she drops in on some classes at Neve Yerushalayim, intending to study no longer than a

week. 10 months later, she returns to America—just for a visit—as a newly Orthodox Jew. The Tourist? Gila Manolson As a ground breaking institution for Jewish women’s education, the staff of Neve Yerushalayim have had the privilege to know thousands of women like Gila from all over the globe. Some didn’t even know they were Jewish growing up. They came to Neve to find out what it means to be a Jew. They were inspired to find that Judaism was not an archaic religion, but a guide to living the most meaningful life, freed from the fads and false morals of their generation. These women have left Neve to build lives in Jewish communities around the world and are raising generations of Torah observant Jews. As Neve approaches its 50th year, Idealistic young women, like Gila, from all over the world are still arriv-

ing almost every day of the year . They are searching for clarity in a confusing world, where so many Jews are assimilating and intermarrying. Neve has an obligation to continue to provide quality Jewish education for these women. Neve can’t abandon their commitment to the future of the Jewish people and continues to dedicate itself to its mission. This year, it is launching its 50th Anniversary campaign to raise seven and a half million dollars in order to propel its work forward -- to increase its recruitment programs, create more spiritual support for its alumnae, enhance its offerings to the present student body, award them scholarships, and renovate the dorms, thus building more successful Jewish futures. A donation to Neve is to enable the school to continue empowering Jewish women and the community at large. You can learn more about Neve’s goals at www.nevey.org.

BY WYNDHAM

JERUSALEM

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DECEMBER 12, 2019

TJH

Traffic Laws to Abide By The following traffic laws are actually still on the books in their respective states: Alabama – It’s illegal to drive while wearing a blindfold. I guess that’s why people in Alabama aren’t such good blindfold drivers. Glendale, California – It’s illegal to jump from motor vehicles moving at the speed of 65 mph. Under 65 MPH, you are free to jump…knock yourself out! Literally! Connecticut – It’s illegal to hunt from a car. That’s right, if you want to go hunting, use your own two legs! Florida – It is illegal to park in the middle of an intersection, on a railroad track, or on a sidewalk. Basically, there’s no parking allowed in all of grandma’s favorite parking spots. Illinois – It’s illegal to drive a car without a steering wheel. They probably don’t allow walking without feet either. Michigan – It’s against the law to sit in the middle of the street and read a newspaper. They must have made this law because they had a lot of meshugenners who read the newspaper in the middle of the street. New Hampshire – It’s against the law to inhale bus fumes with the intent of inducing euphoria. But if you are just doing it for fun, feel free to imbibe!

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Centerfold

West Virginia – It’s illegal to eat roadkill. I guess McDonalds it is. New Mexico – It’s illegal for cab drivers to reach out and pull potential customers into their taxis. Not sure if this rule applies to Uber as well. Oklahoma – It’s illegal to read a comic book while driving. You are free to read TJH, but not the Centerfold because that may fall under the category of comic books… WATCH OUT! Oregon – Drivers must yield to pedestrians when driving on the sidewalk. New York has obviously not adopted this law. Pennsylvania – When driving on a country road at night, you must stop every mile and set off flares or other warning signals and then allow 10 minutes for livestock to clear the road. I guess that’s why there are so many firework outlets in PA.

Rhode Island – It’s illegal to ride a horse on a highway for the purpose of racing or testing the speed of the horse. They take horsepower literally. South Dakota – You only need to be 14 years old to get a driver’s license. Which means that they have to wait another 10 years after they start hunting until they are allowed to drive. Wisconsin – It’s against the law for a person to ride a bicycle with their hands off the handlebars. Smile, criminal.

You gotta be

kidding

Yankel is a passenger in Moishe’s car and Moishe blows right through a red light. “Whoa, what are you doing?” screams Yankel. Moishe replies that his brother taught him how to drive and always goes through red lights. They come to another red light, and again, Moishe shoots right through it, as Yankel holds on for dear life. At the next intersection, to Yankel’s relief, the light is green. When he reaches the intersection, Moishe slams on his breaks, bringing his car to a screeching halt. “Why did you stop at the green light?” queries Yankel. Moishe replies, “I need to be careful – my brother could be coming the other way.”

The Jewish Home | OCTOBER 29, 2015

1. In 2010, there was a traffic jam on a highway near Beijing that stretched for 97 kilometers. For how long did the traffic jam last for most vehicles involved in the jam? a. 8-10 hours

c. 2 days d. 9-12 days 2. According to transportation data firm INRIX Research, which U.S. city has the most traffic congestion? a. Boston, MA b. Los Angeles, CA c. Manhattan, NY

a. 14 hours b. 42 hours c. 92 hours d. 320 hours 4. William Phelps Eno (1858 -1945) was an American businessman responsible for many of the earliest innovations in road safety and traffic control. He created the first stop sign, yield sign, the pedestrian crosswalk, etc. He is known as the “father of traffic safety.” Which one of the following facts is also true about him? a. He worked for Henry Ford and created the first headlights

d. Chicago, IL 3. According to a report from the Texas A&M Transportation Institute, how much time does the average New York City

b. He ran for president against Calvin Coolidge and his slogan was “he fixed traffic, now let him

fix the country.” c. He never learned how to drive. d. He died in a car accident. 5. In 1911, Edward Hines came up with the idea of putting a line down the middle of the road to separate two-way traffic. How did he come up with the idea? a. His son and some neighborhood kids were biking up and down the street so he painted a line in chalk down the center of the street to separate the kids going in opposite directions. He then realized that they should do this for motor vehicles. b. He was driving down a street behind a horse-drawn milk wagon leaking a line

of milk down the street. He instantly realized that a line down the center of the street would be good for vehicle safety. c. He was a third grade teacher and asked the kids in his class to think about safety tips and a 7-year-old gave him the idea. d. He was in charge of a Congressional Commission tasked with enhancing roadway safety. After spending $48 million, this was one of the commission’s recommendations.

me this?  Wisdom Key 4-5 correct: You know too much about traffic. Are you glued to 880 on the “eights”?

See answer below

2-3 correct: You are a middle of the road person. The problem is no cars can get around you and you drive 15MPH. 0-1 correct: You must have spent too much time banging your head against the steering wheel while stuck in traffic.

Answer to Riddle Me This: A screwdriver.

 Answers

What type of driver never commits a traffic infraction?

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Riddle

DECEMBER 12, 2019

b. 12- 18 hours

commuter spend stuck in traffic every year?

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Traffic Trivia

5. B 4. C 3. C 2. A 1. D

Notable Quotes

DECEMBER 12, 2019

“Say What?!”

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We have a tremendous amount of captured fighters, ISIS fighters, over in Syria, and they’re all under lock and key, but many are from France, many are from Germany, the U.K., they’re mostly from Europe. I have not spoken to the president about that. Would you like some nice ISIS fighters? I can give them to you. You can take every one you want. - President Trump to French President Emmanuel Macron, at a joint press conference at the NATO summit this week

Let’s be serious. - Macron’s response

What we are currently experiencing is the brain death of NATO. - French President Emmanuel Macron, in an interview with Economist magazine, criticizing President Trump for removing soldiers from Syria and saying that it eroded NATO

This is why he’s a great politician, because that’s one of the greatest nonanswers I’ve ever heard. - Trump, quipping about Macron’s response

It’s a tough statement. When you make a statement like that, that is a very, very nasty statement essentially to 28 countries…. Nobody needs NATO more than France.

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– President Trump, at the NATO summit, responding to Macron’s comment

This is a crazy story: In New Jersey, someone found a message in a bottle from 1907. Yeah, the note said: “The Jets [stink].” — Conan O’Brien

I’m doing this for my mother – she was taken to Auschwitz and she never came home. - Holocaust survivor Jacques Innedjian, celebrating his bar mitzvah for the first time as a man in his late 80s, last week

Today is Cyber Monday, which is followed tomorrow by Someone-Stole-the-Blender-From-My-Porch Tuesday. — Jimmy Kimmel

I am just a big kid. - Greg Milano, 30, who has a law degree and works in real estate, talking to CNN about his Thanksgiving tradition that he started 20 years ago of making sculptures with his mashed potatoes

We were told, “Oh, it’s gonna be the bigot in the pickup truck; it’s gonna be the Klansmen; it’s gonna be the rural sheriff.” But it turned out that through all of that, ultimately the biggest impediment was the modern-day liberal. - Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas, who is African-American and conservative, in a new documentary discussing how the left tried to destroy him because they disagreed with his views

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52 We will continue our tradition of not investigating Mike (and his family and foundation) and we will extend the same policy to his rivals in the Democratic primaries. We cannot treat Mike’s Democratic competitors differently from him. If other credible journalistic institutions publish investigative work on Mike or the other Democratic candidates, we will either publish those articles in full, or summarize them for our readers — and we will not hide them. For the moment, our P&I team will continue to investigate the Trump administration, as the government of the day. If Mike is chosen as the Democratic presidential candidate (and Donald Trump emerges as the Republican one), we will reassess how we do that. - Bloomberg News’ editor-in-chief John Micklethwait, in a statement about how the company founded by 2020 presidential candidate Michael Bloomberg will cover his campaign

We don’t know where anybody’s head is at now. - Comedian Jerry Seinfeld discussing why it’s so difficult to write comedy nowadays

Bloomberg News has declared that they won’t investigate their boss or his Democrat competitors, many of whom are current holders of high office, but will continue critical reporting on President Trump. As President Trump’s campaign, we are accustomed to unfair reporting practices, but most news organizations don’t announce their biases so publicly. Since they have declared their bias openly, the Trump campaign will no longer credential representatives of Bloomberg News for rallies or other campaign events.

Is Joe Biden’s slogan really going to be “No Malarkey”? That’s your slogan? “Yes we can!” “Make America great again!” “No Malarkey”? What does that word even mean? It sounds like the dish your vegan cousin serves at Thanksgiving: “It’s not turkey; it’s malarkey!” - Trevor Noah

– Statement in response by Trump 2020 campaign manager Brad Parscale

Young people prefer Friendsgiving to Thanksgiving. In other words, they prefer fun drunk to angry drunk. — James Corden

I got a buck! I got a buck! - Florence Teeters, age 104, of Wisconsin, after becoming the oldest person in known Wisconsin history to successfully hunt a deer. This was Florence’s first hunt

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Talk to your kids or someone else will.

RABBI YAAKOV HOROWITZ

RABBI HOROWITZ & DR. MICHAEL KIDORF

DECEMBER 12, 2019

F O L LO W E D BY A N OP E N FO R UM W ITH

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54 These turkeys will remain calm under any condition, which is good because theyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve been subpoenaed to appear in Adam Schiffâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s basement on Thursday. - President Trump at the White House ceremony â&#x20AC;&#x153;pardoningâ&#x20AC;? two turkeys, sparing them from becoming Thanksgiving meals and joking about House Intelligence Committee Adam Schiffâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s impeachment hearings

I expected, the moment I heard Bidenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s name, I told my colleagues, theyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re going to try to kill me, because theyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re going to kill the messenger. Butâ&#x20AC;Śthe mafia couldnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t kill me; your colleagues are not going to kill me. - Rudy Giuliani, who became famous for prosecuting the mafia in New York, talking about the mediaâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s character assassination of him, on Fox News

It was our pleasure to save your house. Sorry that we could not save your sheds. P.S. We owe you some milk.

How is Trump Spending Thanksgiving? Tweeting, Golfing and More

- Note left in a house by firefighters in Australia after they saved the house from a wildfire and drank some milk from the fridge after the fire was under control

Pesach at

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Pesach at

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- Newsweek headline on Thanksgiving, while President Trump was in Afghanistan spending Thanksgiving with U.S. troops

Pesach at with Mickey Mouse! Â? Â? Â? Â&#x17D; Â&#x2018;Â&#x2019;

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DECEMBER 12, 2019

Dating

Dialogue

What Would You Do If… Moderated by Jennifer Mann, LCSW of The Navidaters

Dear Navidaters,

I am dating a woman, “Sara,” with whom I am in a relationship, but am ready to call it quits due to her crazy family dynamic.

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I am in my 30s and connected immediately with Sara, who is unique, genuine, and whom I grew to admire. We had a long-distance relationship, so we didn’t see each other so often, but after a while things started seeming very weird with her relationship with her father. Being older and a bit more modern, we took things slowly, so this did not come out right away. Sara is an only child and is super close with her parents back in Italy. Instead of talking to friends during lunch hour, she video-chats with her father instead. She seems as if she is beholden to him.

Sara was on a student visa in America when we met and hit it off, but over time she really did not seem serious about getting citizenship and settling down in the U.S., which is crucial for me in my line of work as a dental resident. My time is incredibly limited and living out of the U.S. is not a question. Although Sara seemed to understand my situation, we went out for a long time, of which she never managed to get herself together to settle down in the U.S. Still, because of our connection and her sweet nature, we stayed together. I recognize how special she is to be so patient with me and my busy schedule. Sara is sweet, kind, upbeat, non-judgmental, and helps bring me out of my shell; I feel I am good for her as well. I stayed in a relationship with her, had her meet my parents on numerous occasions, etc. Eventually, her family invited my parents to Italy to meet them, and it was a total disaster. Her father was a loose cannon, a chain-smoker, rude, controlling, a firecracker with outspoken opinions – very “my way or the highway” –and dysfunctional. Knowing my parents’ politically conservative stance, he seemed to thrive off taking advantage of my father’s peace-keeping nature. Sara’s father kept making politically liberal jabs to try everything he could to get my father to lose his cool. After the meal, he accosted my father in the hallway, pulled him into a bedroom, locked the door, and told my father that it is shameful that their son is so busy all the time, and that their son, the boy who has been dating his daughter, is living with a roommate in the Jewish community while in college. He believes, in his mind, that a man either lives alone or gets married – the concept of a roommate to share costs of rent should not exist. He also said he wants to be in the room for my proposal, which should be as soon as possible,

Disclaimer: This column is not intended to diagnose or otherwise conclude resolutions to any questions.

Our intention is not to offer any definitive

conclusions to any particular question, rather offer areas of exploration for the author and reader. Due to the nature of the column receiving only a short snapshot of an issue, without the benefit of an actual discussion, the panel’s role is to offer a range of possibilities. We hope to open up meaningful dialogue and individual exploration.

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and said the wedding not only must be in Israel, but cannot have anything Orthodox about it like a mechitzah or separate seating. He had demands about how big the ring should be. At one of the meals they shared at her family’s house, her father went on a rant about how, when his daughter marries and has children, he will buy an attached apartment right next door and live with them for months at a time. During all this, according to my parents, Sara did not flinch. She just smiled and giggled politely. A week after my family’s trip to Italy, Sara’s father called my parents and said he booked a hall in Tel Aviv for the wedding. All this occurred before I was comfortable with the thought of even thinking about proposing, due to Sara’s lack of assurance that she would become an American citizen – she kept blaming it on a “lack of job opportunities.” All this would not matter to me if she would communicate with me how unhealthy the dynamic with her father is. If Sara admitted to the dysfunctional relationship, or stood up to her father’s crazy demands, things would be different. But now, I finally have had enough and am ready to call it quits. What do you suggest singles do when they break off a relationship, not because of the person in question, but their lack of foresight into dysfunctional family patterns? I fear I will never get over her, as she is one of the most special girls I have ever met. I’m not a spring chicken either, so the thought of starting to date again fills me with dread. Any chizuk would be helpful. Samuel

The Panel The Rebbetzin Rebbetzin Faigie Horowitz, M.S. amuel, you are presenting three issues. The one that you cite as the key to the breakup is the dysfunctional family dynamic with a controlling father at the head. But you clearly understand that Sara herself is not a mature, independent person who has worked on herself, her relationships, and communication. She is issue number two. Issue number three is your own fears and insecurities; you have not emerged from shyness and you find dating daunting. You consider yourself “not a spring chicken,” but you are self-aware and understand others. You are mature. Use this experience as a very prolonged step on the journey to personal growth. Count your blessings that you saw drama which kept you from proposing. Get some help to develop stronger social skills and a deeper sense of selfworth so that you can date with confidence and assurance. Learn to trust yourself and to communicate with confidence. This does not require deep

B A LT I M O R E J E W I S H H O M E . C O M

therapy. You will be a changed man, and your qualities will be recognized by other young women. You will learn to trust your gut and act on it without getting into prolonged entanglements. You have what it takes.

The Mother Sarah Schwartz Schreiber, P.A. hhh...did you hear the alarm? Lucky for you it’s blasting loud and clear. It’s not always as ominous or obvious. There have been many unfortunate men and women who admit they chose to ignore the flashing lights and sirens of impending marital catastrophe and jumped haphazardly into the flames of a dysfunctional marriage. In the aftermath of those failed marriages, many of those miserable survivors would attest they saw the “signs” – the toxic family dynamics, the partner siding with the abusive inlaws – but they clung (naively, stubbornly) to the belief that theirs was a special love that would succeed against all odds.

You, my hopelessly romantic friend, have been given a gift: a wailing siren, a red flag, a horrific dress rehearsal. I will allow that Sara is a special girl; but watching her rude and obnoxious family up close and personal, with Sara’s tacit approval, was like watching a preview of “Revenge of the Rabid In-laws.” Fortunately, while visiting her family in Italy, your parents were the audience, observing safely from the sidelines. Today you can breathe a sigh of relief and say, with confidence: I saw disaster hurtling towards me and got out just in time. What about the acute pain of the breakup and the dread of starting over? Nothing that time, a short dating respite, and a qualified therapist can’t handle. And nothing compared to the agony of meddlesome in-laws, traumatized children, or a broken marriage.

The Shadchan Michelle Mond ou sound like a respectable, smart, realistic guy with a suc-

They chose to ignore the flashing lights and sirens of impending marital catastrophe and jumped haphazardly into the flames of a dysfunctional marriage.

cessful life path ahead of you. As is with any career in the medical field, to put up with all of the immensely difficult courses, rotations, exams, and lack of free time, one has to be an incredibly devoted and dedicat-

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ed person to get through it successfully. Because of this, it is no surprise to me that you hung on to this shidduch prospect with Sara for so long – you are a devoted person at the core of your being. You are not likely one to give up on things easily, and you like a challenge. However, you are absolutely valid to not risk throwing your future away by mistakenly marrying a sweet girl who can’t possibly be your bashert. This seems clear based on her lack of effort to settle down in the U.S. and the glaring evidence of her unhealthy relationship with her father. As a shadchan I see this theme quite often: intellectual and logical men have a hard time letting go of a shidduch even when things are presenting as emotionally unhealthy. The emotional capacity in these cases are just not as strong, since these men spent their lives flexing their intellectual muscles more. You are scared to lose a logically wonderful match (as you describe, she seems

like a good person logically), but you have been storing all the emotionally unhealthy pieces under the rug. Now, it seems, the straw has broken the camel’s back in a sudden movie-like twist on your parents’ trip to meet the potential in-laws. Everything about the encounter you described terrifies me for your future if you marry into this situation. Don’t walk, RUN. This is one of the most unhealthy situations I have heard in a long time, and as you know as a reader of this column, there is no dearth of those. You must take all the unhealthy pieces of the puzzle out of the rug, dust them off, and pile them on top of all the reasons you like Sara. You will come to peace with the fact that marrying her certainly is not worth the risk, especially based on your conclusive evidence that Sara does not even recognize any of her father’s behaviors as “off.” You will undoubtedly find a wonderful girl to ride the waves of life

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together who is also kind, giving, patient, and sweet – just without the crazy family dynamic and pure lack of geographic stability. Hatzlacha in both dentistry and dating. Iy”H you should be on the other side soon enough and be able to enjoy the perks of both, healthily.

The Zaidy Dr. Jeffery Galler ongratulations on embarking on a wonderful, rewarding career in dentistry. Here are my thoughts about your current situation. First, you are an expert in oral pathology, but you lack expertise in diagnosing family pathology. Trust your instincts. There is something very sick about Sara’s family dynamic. If you marry Sara, you will

Believe people when they tell you who they are.

also be marrying her parents. They will be grandparents to your children, and you will be dealing with them for a long, long time. We’ll never really know if Sara is the victim of physical or emotional abuse or some weird form of pathological dependency, but it’s extremely unlikely that she will be able to emerge from such a toxic environment unscathed. Second, I think I can understand how you got into this predicament. Non-dentists will never understand this, but dental school is incredibly stressful. For four years you have lived in a high pressure,

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high anxiety environment. The academic atmosphere of needing to constantly demonstrate your clinical precision and perfection is guaranteed to leave all students with residual feelings of post-traumatic

Pulling It All Together

tachment to her. Now, you worry that you might never find anyone as special as she is. I guarantee that, at this very moment, scores of shadchanim and mothers of eligible women are reading this column and are trying to figure out how to meet you and help you find a more suitable life partner. Samuel, you

are an obviously intelligent, caring individual who will make a wonderful dentist and a wonderful husband and father. Please don’t feel that you need to continue this relationship with Sara because of the time you’ve already invested in her, or because you feel sorry for her, or because you worry that you’ll never find anyone as nice. Run away from this pathology and prepare yourself for a wonderful, happy life that you can share with a healthy, loving wife.

As for you, I want you to take an index card and write the following on it: I believe people when they show me who they are. When I choose not to believe them, I am hustling. Hustling is not part of any healthy relationship. Put this in a visible place like your bathroom mirror or make it your screensaver. As for Sara, she seems like a lovely person, and it will take time to get over her. But Sara has two serious issues: the first is her overbearing and out-of-control father. The second is that she is completely under his spell. There probably would not have been much room for you and your needs/feelings in this relationship.

If you are so inclined, you should say thank you to Hashem for saving you from this certain disaster. All the best, Jennifer

The Navidaters Dating and Relationship Coaches and Therapists

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stress and low self-esteem. During this difficult time in your life, you met someone who was “kind, upbeat, and non-judgmental,” so you naturally gravitated to her and developed a strong emotional at-

hat do I tell singles? BELIEVE PEOPLE WHEN THEY TELL YOU WHO THEY ARE. Believe people when they show you who they are. Believe the silences. Believe the lack of action. Believe it all! Please! Many romantically inclined, empathic, sensitive souls (perhaps such as yourself) have a serious problem paying attention to themselves and their own needs, becoming completely engulfed and illuminated by the splendid feelings they are having and the sense of connection they have longed for. We can lose sight of our priorities and what we know in our gut and heart of hearts will not work for us. And so, we start to ignore the signs. We don’t pay attention to the rational reasons why a relationship will not work. Sara didn’t “seem serious” about settling in the U.S.? No, Sara wasn’t serious about settling in the U.S. Upon meeting her utterly toxic and dysfunctional father, the reason why may have become clear. But Sara told you this. You knew. You knew, and you didn’t pay attention. Sara didn’t assure you about becoming an American citizen because she wasn’t assured about becoming an American citizen. And you ignored that in order to be with her. You’ve been telling yourself something in

order to stay with her. You need to figure out what that is and delve very deeply into it so this doesn’t happen to you again – in some way, shape or form. I am suggesting paying attention and following your instinct. I am not suggesting that this is easy. In my (strong) opinion, what you need to do now is work with a therapist to figure out why and how you were willing to neglect your own needs, wants and desires, turning off the lights, living in the dark in this relationship, hoping she would change at some point. Some personality types can become so attached and ruled by feelings that it takes a frying pan hitting you over the head (Sara’s father) to see that it will not work out. For what it’s worth, and it may not be relevant to your situation, there is a trend in both more right wing and modern circles to not pay attention to every little detail. Just get married. Nothing is perfect. It will work itself out. What are you waiting for? Sometimes, this is the truth. But sometimes, this is the farthest thing from the truth, and these relationships end disastrously. Or they continue disastrously.

Jennifer Mann, LCSW is a licensed psychotherapist and dating and relationship coach working with individuals, couples and families in private practice in Hewlett, NY. She is looking forward to teaching a psychology course at Touro College in the fall. To set up a consultation or to ask questions, please call 516.224.7779. Press 2 for Jennifer. Visit www.thenavidaters.com for more information. If you would like to submit a dating or relationship question to the panel anonymously, please email thenavidaters@gmail.com. You can follow The Navidaters on FB and Instagram for dating and relationship advice.

Hi Readers! Receiving your enthusiastic emails wanting to participate in the Reader’s Respond section has been wonderful! Just a reminder about how Reader Response works. Email thenavidaters@gmail. com with the subject line “Reader Response.” We will then ask you, in the order we receive your email, if you would like to respond to the coming week’s email. If you would like to respond to an already printed Navidaters Panel, please submit your answer to the editor at editor@fivetownsjewishhome.com. You can also join us on our FB page @thenavidaters on Sunday evenings to post your response to the week’s column. Interacting with you has been a pleasure! Thank you for all of your feedback. Jennifer

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Special Discount for Lone Soldiers Cost includes transportation, guide, entry fees if applicable.

Trip Departs promptly at 8:15am (please arrive 15 minutes early) from the Liberty Bell Parking Lot (behind the Sonol Gas Station) and returns approximately 6:30pm. Itinerary subject to change due to security, weather and/or other considerations. *Day trip payments are NOT tax deductible

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Mental Health Corner

Sibling Conflict – When Is It Bullying? By Rabbi Azriel Hauptman

Siblings have been fighting with each other during their childhood from time immemorial. Much ink has been spilled in the child development literature concerning the proper way for parents to deal with sibling conflict. One aspect that is sometimes overlooked is that occasionally sibling

conflict can be a form of bullying. The entire conversation changes once we are dealing with bullying and not your run-of-the-mill quarreling amongst siblings. Some have a notion that sibling conflict is part of life and is a rite of passage for children as they grow up.

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Some will even say that “siblings who fight together, stay together”. However, research shows that when that conflict is bullying, then the trauma can be as harmful or even more harmful than bullying that a child experiences from peers in a school environment. It is therefore incumbent upon us to learn how to differentiate between regular sibling conflict and bullying. Of course, we must first ask ourselves, what exactly is bullying? Bullying typically has three components: (1) The actual harmful behavior which can be physical, verbal, or emotional. (2) Imbalance of power between the bully and the victim such as physical strength, savviness, ability to use embarrassing information, or higher social stature. (3) The behavior is repetitive. These three components can also occur with aggressive behavior between siblings. However, not all siblings with a power differential who fight repetitively are engaging in bullying behavior. More information is needed in order to establish that this conflict might actually be a form of bullying. Here are some signs to look out for in sibling conflict that might indicate that bullying is occurring. • Behavior is consistent – Many siblings will fight like cats and dogs one minute, but a little while later they can be playing with each other and enjoying each other’s company. When the behavior is a form of bullying, then you will often find that their interactions tend to be consistently aggressive in nature. • Feelings of contempt – Siblings who fight with each other tend to deep-down like each other, but nev-

ertheless fight as siblings often do. However, when the dynamic is one of a bully and a victim then the sibling in the bully role will often have consistent feelings of contempt towards the other sibling. • Intensity – When siblings fight with each other, they usually intuitively understand not to fight with too much intensity since they do not really want to harm each other. When the relationship is one of a bully and a victim then there tends to be greater intensity in their quarrels. • Patterns – When siblings fight there tends to be a degree of randomness as to the content of their conflict. When the relationship is that of a bully and a victim, there often is a pattern. For example, one sibling torments the other sibling about the same topic day after day. If a parent suspects that bullying is occurring amongst siblings, it is extremely dangerous to sit by idly and let the passage of time work things out. Being victimized by a bully can lead to severe emotional challenges later in life, even if the bully is one’s own sibling. It is imperative to seek intervention. A therapist with experience with families and children can be essential in changing the relationship amongst the siblings and healing any of the scars that have already developed. This is a service of Relief Resources. Relief is an organization that provides mental health referrals, education, and support to the frum community. Rabbi Yisrael Slansky is director of the Baltimore branch of Relief. He can be contacted at 410-448-8356 or at yslansky@reliefhelp.org

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1. In deep fryer or 2-quart heavy saucepan, heat 2 to 3 inches of oil to 375 degrees. In shallow bowl, mix white sugar and cinnamon. Set aside. 2. Mix remaining ingredients in electric mixer until smooth. Shape dough into 1 inch balls. Carefully drop balls, one at a time, into hot oil. Fry about 1 to 2 minutes or until golden brown on all sides. Drain on paper towels. Immediately roll into cinnamon-sugar mixture. 3. Fill pastry bag with preserves, and pipe through plain hole tip into the cooled sufganiot. Enjoy! Makes about 17 doughnuts.

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