Baltimore Jewish Home - 2-4-16

Around the Community

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The Perks of Baltimore’s Towson Town Center’s Newest Coffee Shop: Filicori Zecchini

PAGE 22

Packed House Rocks at the NCSY Concert Honoring Shuie & Elise Steinharter

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Shoresh’s Night of Magic, Mystery, & Illusion

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CONTENTS

THE BALTIMORE JEWISH HOME

FEBRUARY 4, 2016

COMMUNITY Around the Community . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .6

JEWISH THOUGHT Mishpatim– Remembering Your Past in the Midst of Your Present . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 38 A Philosophical Perspective The Home-School Relationship. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 42 Amulets, Accusations and Controversy. . . . . . . . . . 48 Exploring the Continued Impact of Technology, Part I. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 50 It May Just Be At Your Doorstep. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 52

HUMOR & ENTERTAINMENT Centerfold. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 36

Dear Readers, This week is our vacation issue, as next week is midwinter vacation for many local schools. Some families will be heading to sunnier and warmer pastures.

If you are, don’t forget to bring your BJH on the flight and check out the reviews on some of Florida’s newest restaurants. To me winter break always meant relaxing mornings and lazy days. Some years we would head out of town for a change of scenery, some years it was just small day trips. The destination wasn’t even the most important place; it was about being together with family and friends.

For children, winter break is a respite from the monotony of their school

schedule. It’s a time to spend more time with friends and family and a time to recharge and refresh during the long winter months. If you’re staying home this week, make sure to take advantage of the great ides some of our writers put together. There are great projects to do together, wonderful activities for friends to enjoy, and innovative ideas of how to make the days more fun. Be creative and let your imagination take flight! I bet you won’t be hearing any “I’m so bored!” this vacation. There is so much to do to fill the few days off.

Have a great week and the time spent together,

Yaakov

Notable Quotes. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 46

COVER STORY Rabbi Chaim Yisroel Belsky, zt”l A Giant in Torah, Humble in Spirit. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 33 The Facts about Zika. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 39

LIFESTYLES 613 Seconds with Rabbi Yisroel Roll, JD, LCPC. . . 14 Florida Dining Guide. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 40 9 Snow Removal Tips. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 45 In The Kitchen . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 53

NEWS B A LT I M O R E J E W I S H H O M E . C O M

Global News. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 23 National News. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 28 Israel News . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 24 That’s Odd. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 32

The Baltimore Jewish Home is an independent bi-weekly newspaper. Opinions expressed by writers are not neces­sarily the opinions of the publisher or editor. The Baltimore Jewish Home is not responsible for typographical errors, or for the kashrus of any product or business advertised within. The BJH contains words of Torah. Please treat accordingly.

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THE BALTIMORE JEWISH HOME

FEBRUARY 4, 2016

Around the Community Ezra Schwartz Vineyard

Building better neighborhoods in Northwest Baltimore by: • Helping you afford a home • Helping you improve your home • Helping you keep your home • Beautifying and enriching our neighborhood • Bringing our community together • Building and managing affordable housing for seniors and people with disabilities • Strengthening our schools • Supporting seniors to live independently in their own homes

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Tu B’Shvat, the Holiday of the Trees which was just celebrated, took on a great new meaning as hundreds of people from all walks of life planted trees in memory of Ezra Schwartz in the newly established Ezra Schwartz Vineyard in Israel. Ezra was the young American Yeshiva student from Sharon, MA who was tragically murdered while learning and volunteering in Israel, and the newly created Vineyard has the complete endorsement and blessing of Ezra’s parents.

The moving, one minute video on the website www.trees4ezra.org shows Ezra’s parents and grandparents talking about the Vineyard and shows them planting its first trees.

They encourage others to plant trees as a meaningful and supportive gesture with their hope that the Vineyard will become a beautiful and everlasting tribute to the young man they lost.

People from all across the world are being asked to plant trees in this special vineyard at www.trees4ezra. org Ezra was proud of his heritage and his land, and loved his fellow Jews, literally until his last breath. He was so young, yet his enthusiasm and vitality were infectious, sadly, even after his tragic death. This project is a way for everyone to join the Schwartz family in carrying on Ezra’s legacy.

Schools across the world have joined the effort and are sharing this opportunity with their students. Temple, shuls, synagogues, houses of worship and religious and communal organizations have also recognized that people want to be part of this important initiative and have opened up the opportunity to their members. Among the many schools which are involved are Striar Hebrew Academy (Sharon, MA), SAR Academy, Yavneh Academy, The Frisch School, Westchester Day School, Ben Porat Yosef, Yeshiva University High School, Nancy Reuben School of London, Torah Day School Atlanta, Mazel Day School, Denver Academy, Gross Schechter Day School, Shulamith of Brooklyn, Hebrew Academy Day School

of Tampa Bay, Ida Crown Academy (IL), Solomon Schechter High School, Abraham Joshua Heschel Day School (CA), HAFTR, and NorthShore Hebrew Academy. Many others will be joining shortly.

This project which started on Tu B’Shvat, will continue for several months. It is being run by “Zo Artzeinu – Israel Trees,” an organization that has planted 150,000 new fruit trees in Israel and whose farmers keep all aspects of Jewish agricultural law.

Visit www.trees4ezra.org and plant trees in the new Ezra Schwartz Vineyard. Israeli farmers will plant and care for the trees and the vineyard can be visited by anyone at any time.

By inviting people from all over the world to take part in this project, it will unite people who love Israel in an important way.

This project is endorsed by the RCA (Rabbinical Council of America) and NCYI (National Council of Young Israel).

For more information or to have your school or shul involved, please contact shelley@trees4ezra.org or call (516) 371-2474

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THE BALTIMORE JEWISH HOME FEBRUARY 4, 2016

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FEBRUARY 4, 2016

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Around the

Community

Blizzard highlights the tremendous chesed performed by Hatzalah, Shomrim, Chaverim and The Chesed Fund & Project Ezra (Frank Storch) Beginning on Thursday, January 21, and still going strong right now, Hatzalah, Shomrim, Chaverim and Frank Storch of The Chesed Fund & Project Ezra are working tirelessly around the clock helping the community weather the storm. The Chesed Fund & Project Ezra partnered with Bnos Yisroel Girl’s School to provide emergency supplies for staff and teachers which included: hundreds of car snow brushes, flashlights, window scrapers, mini lanterns, etc. Frank also arranged for a 4x4 vehicle for emergency purposes for Hatzalah. Prior to the storm Hatzalah, Shomrim, & Chaverim met at Frank Storch’s home to plan for emergency response during the storm and reviewed practices and procedures. Additionally, The Chesed Fund& Project Ezra supplied the Hatzalah, Shomrim, & Chaverim volunteers with snow brushes, flashlights, window scrapers, emergency lanterns, shoe grippers, and other emergency supplies On Friday, January 22, The Chesed Fund & Project Ezra distributed 600700 mini lanterns, flashlights, shovels and windshield deicer sprays for free.

People from throughout the community were grateful as many stores were already sold out. On Shabbos, January 23, Hatzalah was servicing the community as usual and responding to medical emergencies. After approximately three feet of snow fell, on Saturday night, Frank arranged for transportation for doctors and nurses to and from hospitals including University of

Maryland Shock Trauma, Sinai Hospital, Sheppard Pratt, and Greater Baltimore Medical Center.

The chesed wheels kept turning and on Sunday, January 24th, Frank picked up a patient who had been dis-

charged from Sinai Emergency Room at 2:30 am. The street that the patient lived on was impassable and Mr. Gutman helped by using his snowplow to provide access to the patient’s home.

Sunday night Frank and Heshy Klien from Shomrim gave out over 1,000 bagels from Goldberg’s Bagels on behalf of Chesed Fund & Project Ezra, Hatzalah, Shomrim & Chaverim.

Bagels were provided to Baltimore Police at the Northwest District and Baltimore County stations, several fire stations, Powerback Rehabilitation in Lutherville, and hospital staff at Greater Baltimore Medical Center and Sinai Hospital. Frank also tried to arrange transportation for a Sefer Torah for a minyan but was unsuccessful

because snow made it too dangerous to transport.

The Baltimore community is grateful to it’s exemplary volunteer community organizations, Hatzalah, Shomrim, Chaverim, and the Chesed Fund & Project Ezra (Frank Storch) who go above and beyond daily but even more so during this snowstorm emergency.

For more information about the various security and community initiatives Frank Storch is involved in please visit www.thechesedfund.com.

For any questions or comments call 410-340-1000, 410-486-0800 x113, or email chesedfund@gmail.com.

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I am pleased to announce that in 2016, Guaranteed Rate will be opening a full-service office in Baltimore. I look forward to the opportunity to meet with people face to face for pre-approvals, loan applications, and even simply to say hello.

FEBRUARY 4, 2016

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COMING SOON:

The location is being finalized and I will share that information in the coming weeks.

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FEBRUARY 4, 2016

10

Around the

Community

Girl Scout Troop First Aid Badges Students in Girl Scout Troop 613 (The only Jewish Girl Scouts in the Baltimore area) earned their First Aid Badges on Sunday, January 10, 2016.

Dr. Elimelech Goldstein of Hatzalah taught first aid basics at Ner Tamid,

6214 Pimlico Road. He also took the excited girls on a tour of a Hatzalah ambulance. Each meeting is an opportunity for our girls to earn badges during learning and other activities.

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Are passionate about early childhood education Create a warm, nurturing, child-focused atmosphere Meet each child’s educational and emotional needs Email resumes to: eitzkowitz@yeshivastorassimcha.org resume@yeshivastorassimcha.org

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A Torah Perspective To Navigating The Many Roles And Responsibilities Of A Baal Habayis In another successful program open to the entire community, Derech Chaim partnered with Bnei Jacob Sharei Zion for a unique program titled “The Torah perspective to navigating the many roles and responsibilities of a Baal HaBayis,” with panelists Rav Moshe Hauer and Rav Shraga Neuberger.

The program took place in Derech Chaim’s Bais Medrash, located at the Ner Tamid Bearman Chapel on Friday, January 1. It was well attended by more than eighty people from various shuls and neighborhoods in the community who had the opportunity to socialize over a lavish breakfast, and talk with the Rabbonim.

Opening remarks were given

by Rav Pinchas Gross, Mara D’asra of Derech Chaim, who noted that there really is no conflict between the many obligations and responsibilities that pull today’s Baal HaBayis in different directions, as long

as one remains focused on the goal of doing Ratzon Hashem. He further pointed out that commitment and connection to Torah is imperative to successfully tackle all of today’s challenges. Rav Gross noted his tremendous inspiration by seeing the large crowd that gathered on a Legal Holiday to come and learn Torah.

Thereafter, the panel discussion began with Mr. Yaakov Feinstein skillfully moderating the discussion with the Rabbonim, who offered their own unique perspectives in response to difficult questions on various topics, such as how one balances the many different responsibilities that one is faced with today, the relationship one should have with a Rav and a Rosh Yeshivah, Chinuch questions and more.

The full panel discussion is available at www.Derechchaim. com.

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FEBRUARY 4, 2016

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Around the

Community

Jews for Judaism East Baltimore Office Closes Doors After 32 Years Margie Pensak

Over 32 years ago, Jews for Judaism was founded by Baltimore’s renowned philanthropic aishes chayal, Mrs. Hannah Storch, and Rabbi Motty Berger, who had the amazing foresight to see how such an organization would fulfill the growing needs of our community. With the mission of strengthening and preserving Jewish identity through education and counseling that counteracts deceptive proselytizing targeting Jews for conversion and promotes critical thinking, the organization greatly impacted Jewish individuals and families across the Jewish philosophical spectrum.

The preventative education that it evolved into really was critical to Jewish identity and continuity, in addition to raising individual pride about what Judaism does teach. That became the hallmark of Jews for Judaism’s signature programs--raising that confidence in knowledge base of Judaism and text study.

The last couple of years, however, Jews for Judaism struggled tremendously trying to raise adequate funds and recruit new volunteers and board members who could help take its message out to the community. At a board meeting, in October, members voted to close the organization’s east coast doors.

BaltimoreJewishLife.com/Jeff Cohn

“The board really did do its due diligence,” says former Jews for Judaism East executive director Ruth Guggenheim. “We looked at many different things and ultimately the vote was to close this office for cost-effective measures and to consolidate with the Los Angeles and Toronto offices, in order to maintain the quality services and programming we have done since we have been in existence “With the internet, phones, and emails, everybody can get services instantly. It doesn’t matter where you are in the world anymore.”

The lack of backing and sufficient funding, perhaps, can be explained as a sign of the times, according to Ms. Guggenheim. “This is a case of either you understand why this is detrimental to the continuity of Judaism and why this can really impact almost every family across the denominational board, or you simply just don’t see it as an issue,” she contends. “I would say, also, in the last couple of years it became much more pluralistic in the secular community--everything is okay and there doesn’t need to be boundaries or differences and we should all live harmoniously together, and any barriers don’t matter--even if you believe in the Messianic belief, if you still call yourself a Jew. The

boundaries have just totally disintegrated. Younger people, especially, in the last couple of years, have felt it is something they don’t need to teach anymore. They feel this is not the main problem anymore. Obviously, with the growing anti-Zionism, anti-Jewish sentiments that kids are confronting now on the college campuses, truly it has become an overriding issue from a preventative mode. We kept falling in the background and weren’t able to raise the substantial new funds. The organization was down to myself and a part-time administrative assistant, and you just can’t maintain quality services in the same way.

“We have run, literally, thousands of programs over the years,” continues Ms. Guggenheim, “and people don’t even know the impact that they have made on the hundreds of people in the Baltimore area, alone, whose children and grandchildren are still Jewish, thank G-d, because of people at Jews for Judaism. After Motty [Berger] moved to Israel, Larry Levy worked with me 28 years ago and made a huge impact, as did Mark Powers, Scott Hillman and others who really went out of their way and made a difference in klal Yisrael. Kudos to Mrs. Storch and her family and others who helped the organization stay afloat for as long as it did, because it made such a difference to people and to Judaism.”

According to Ms. Guggenheim, Jews for Judaism would have its work cut out for itself, in Israel--with the worsening proselytizing situation,--and there is talk on the table that the organization will explore the Israel avenue, next. “We are exploring the opportunity to take our knowledge-based services and programming to Israel now, under the name Hatshuva,” says Ms. Guggenheim.

Ironically, she explains, there are over 150 Hebrew Christian or Messianic congregations in Israel, yet, Conservative and Reform movements are not allowed to set up any kind of synagogues there. Since 2010, there have become over 20,000 converted “Messianic believers” of Jewish parentage

in Israel. Among the most vulnerable are Russians and lone IDF soldiers.

“As Americans, we grew up in a Christian society, used to J’s witnesses knocking at our door or being asked questions by non-Jews,” notes Ms. Guggenheim. “In Israel, it is different. There are a lot of youth there who do not know much about their own Judaism, per se, but yet they often never confronted confrontational issues about Judaism because they are totally ill-equipped. Many of them are vulnerable because they also lack any Jewish context of their life. They are Israeli and they may know on some level their history better than most American Jews; many are so disengaged about Judaism they are vulnerable simply because of that. The fact that all of them have to serve in the army, creates a certain vulnerability, too…They are all proud to be in the army, but they are all scared. You are going to grasp onto anything when you are vulnerable. I think there is a lot of opportunity to take our expertise, our learning, and apply it with Israelis for the Israeli culture. We can’t do it on our own because we are Americans and we think like Americans. We’ve got to partner…..You have to be proactive--engage young Jews in a positive Jewish dialogue, so they can be turned on by authentic Judaism and not be converted by deceptive proselytizing.

“We’ve been contacted by numerous organizations in Israel right now, who want to take some of what our expertise is--in terms of the research and knowledge base of the American evangelical groups that do support proselytizing in Israel,” she continues. “Even though they may appear to be our best friends, we’ve done enough research and enough connecting-the-dots to be able to show in writing and proof with videos that they are definitely supporting “Messianic Judaism”, engaging Jews in belief of Jesus as lord and savior. If possible, we can take whatever we have here as a legacy to Israel to help klal Yisrael now in Israel.”

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THE BALTIMORE JEWISH HOME FEBRUARY 4, 2016

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THE BALTIMORE JEWISH HOME

FEBRUARY 4, 2016

Sponsored by

Rabbi Yisroel Roll, JD, LCPC the London Beis Din. I did a lot of personal counseling and marital counseling in the shul and community and when I moved to Baltimore I transitioned into psychotherapy and divorce mediation.

B A LT I M O R E J E W I S H H O M E . C O M

Where were you born?

I was born in

Montreal

What precipitated your change of direction from being an attorney in Toronto to being a Psychotherapist, divorce mediator?

I was very involved in kiruv during high school and yeshiva. I went to law school in Toronto and practiced criminal defense law and litigation for six years in Toronto. My dream was to get smicha and do something for Klal Yisroel. When my law firm offered me a partnership, I knew it was time to go, otherwise I would never achieve my dream.

My wife and I then went to Eretz Yisroel and I learned and received smicha. I was in the Ohr Lagolah program and was offered a position as the Rabbi of the New West End Synagogue in London, England, a dormant downtown shul. I brought American style kiruv to London with Shabbatonim, learning programs, started a morning minyan and started a cheder. The gabaim, called “wardens,” wore top hats and tuxedos to shul.

When I would dance on the bimah with the baalei simcha, the “wardens,” one of whom was a Scottish war hero from World War II and who wore a monocle said: Where is the decorum? I said: “Simchas HaTorah is the real decorum.” It woke them up, spiritually.

I then founded the Encounter kiruv organization which brought thousands of British Jews to learning conferences. I was close with Dayan Ehrentreu, the Rosh Beis Din of

Children are often used as pawns by parents going through a divorce. How do you refocus them toward the best interest of their children?

I tell them that even if they are no longer spouses they are responsible to their children as parents and that they are going to be parents for the next sixty years. They have to learn to communicate civilly and fairly to ensure that their children are well-adjusted despite the divorce and that will require selflessness. One basic rule is that parental alienation, which is the criticizing or putting down of the other parent by the ex-spouse or by their side of the family, is off the table. If one parent does that it will boomerang against them because the children will eventually figure out what they are doing and will resent the offending parent. That will cause the children to distance themselves from the parent who is doing the alienation.

You’ve written extensively on issues that enhance the quality of life from a mental health standpoint. Which are your favorite works and why?

I have written six books on self esteem including, Bring out the Best, Self Esteem in the Talmud and Like Yourself and Stay Married. These books focus on a person’s responsibility to see the good in themselves.

A person with low self esteem comes into marriage with unfinished business from their childhood and I teach people how to heal from that unfinished business with gestalt/experiential techniques. Readers can visit my three hour video workshop, Seven Steps to Self Esteem in Torah Life, on my Yisroel Roll You Tube Channel or visit my website www. anxietytherapy.org

Can you tell us about your efforts with teen issues that are greatly impacting the Baltimore community?

I run self esteem workshops for teens and help them learn to believe in themselves by completing their Wheel of Strengths and using “the Wheel” to get to know their positive attributes and midos. I also am putting together a mentorship program for elementary school boys who I will be matching with a high school student in 8th to 12th grade. They will hang out once a week doing sports, homework or shmoozing. There is such a program for High School boys who are paired with older mentors, and a Big Sister program for 6th and 7th grade girls and for High School girls, but no such program for elementary school boys. I am currently looking for high school boys to mentor elementary school boys. They will get paid for one hour of mentoring a week. Anyone interested should call Rabbi Roll at 410-585-0497 or email: yisroelroll@gmail.com

Which other community efforts or organizations are you involved with?

I founded the annual Jewish Caring Network 5K Run in 2011 and we are expanding the program to reach out to students. It is crucial that the entire community become involved and supportive of the life-saving work that JCN does in the community. I founded the Northwest Safety Committee and negotiated with the City of Baltimore Traffic Department to time the traffic lights on Park Heights Avenue from Glen Avenue to Seven Mile Lane at 40 second intervals on Shabbos and Yom Tov. We are hoping that every member of the community will use the cross-walks and will not cross in the middle of the street on Shabbos and Yom Tov. It is essential that all parents serve as role models for their children by refraining from weaving in between traffic or trying to “beat the cars” as they run across Park Heights on Shabbos. If we cross

at the crosswalk and the wait is less than 40 seconds, then when children are on their own they will not attempt to cross illegally.

Children cannot judge distances and speeds of cars. If you cannot do it for yourself, do it for your kids, or someone else’s kids who may try to copy your behavior. Teach your kids by example.

Describe yourself in under 10 words: Self-esteem psychotherapist who inspires people to believe in themselves.

What are you truly passionate about?

Dveikus. I teach people to discover which of the thirteen Middos Harachamim were instilled in them by Hashem, and help them actualize those middos. This is the mitzvah of V’halchta B’drachav—to emulate Hashem--l’hisdamos l’kono—in the words of the Alter of Slobodka.

Can you give us a short synopsis of what an average day looks like for Rabbi Roll?

I see clients all day, work on my new sefer,” Mitzur Dvash,” do homework with my children, learn with my children in Eretz Yisrael on the phone, learn with my chevrusa and schmooze with my wife.

What is the best advice you can give to someone just getting married?

Work on your self esteem, and learn how to be emotionally supportive to your spouse.

Read the book: How to Talk so Kids will Listen & Listen so Kids will Talk, by Faber and Mazlish. It will help you become emotionally supportive to your spouse as well.

Can you give us a brief synopsis of your organization, Freedom from Anxiety: I produce and present workshops and programs to build self esteem, overcome anxiety and depression, become an effective parent and achieve happiness.

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PESACH in the NORTHEAST

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Pesach in the Northeast, is proud to offer the only true luxury program in the Northeast at the world class Hyatt Regency Chesapeake Bay Golf Resort, Spa & Marina. Situated on 400 acres along the banks of the Choptank River on the Eastern Shore of Maryland, this resort offers pampering spa treatments, golf, sailing, fishing, swimming and outstanding recreational activities.

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FEBRUARY 4, 2016

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Etz Chaim is...

By Eta Kushner

What is the essence of Etz Chaim?

For close to 40 years, Etz Chaim has been a true “tree of life” for thousands of Jews in the Baltimore community.

Responsible for sprouting many new Jewish seeds that create new generations of Jews committed to their Judaism, Rabbi Shlomo Porter and his family have directed Etz Chaim for the last 35 years. “We strive to create ways that Jews can connect to the wisdom of Judaism in a warm, welcoming way. At Etz Chaim, every Jew is respected and acknowledged as an important part of the Jewish people.”

Through classes, events, lectures and more, Etz Chaim provides a Jewish environment for young families, young professionals, college students and seniors, ensuring that every member of the community has an opportunity to experience the joy of Judaism.

Across Baltimore, community members talk about what Etz Chaim is to them.

“No matter how much I learn, I can always go back to my roots with Rabbi Porter, get back to basics, and ask questions. I’m always able to go home to Etz Chaim,” says Moshe Cohen. “Etz Chaim is a place of stability.” Moshe’s wife, Shelly, credits the organization as being the primary reason they became observant. As a couple during college, they had slowly begun looking into enhancing their knowledge about Judaism, but “it really didn’t take off for us until Etz Chaim entered our lives, which was just after we got married in 2003,” she says. “Once we connected with Etz Chaim, our Yiddishkeit grew exponentially. That’s when we were really able to flourish,” Moshe agrees.

The Cohens found Etz Chaim to be a great resource for Torah study classes and Rabbi Shlomo Porter to be a wonderful non-judgmental ear for them.

Rabbi Porter and his wife Shoshi have become like “local” parents to them, and a Bubbie and Zayde to their kids.

Over 10 years later, they still love taking their kids, the eldest, now nine years old, to daven at Etz Chaim for the High Holiday services every year.

Kerri Cohen attests to this ap-

proach. “Etz Chaim is non-judgmental. I feel a love, a warmth and an acceptance by Etz Chaim, no matter who I am or what type of Jew I am, simply because I am Jewish. When I reach out and desire more, they are always there. But I don’t feel any pressure to fully immerse myself and become a frum Jew.” She adds, “It would not be real of me if I pretended to be something that I was not. And they accept me for who I am and are proud of me for what I’ve accomplished, which is so much in the past few years. For the most part, the Jewish woman that I am today is a direct result of my connection and association with Etz Chaim.”

Kerri says that everything she does is based on her learning through Rabbi

Porter and with her learning partner, Rebecca Lencz, in the Partners in Torah learning program. She and her husband have both attended classes and Kerri has been to Israel twice with Etz Chaim.

“Etz Chaim is a support network.” Tova Jussim also praises the accepting attitude that Etz Chaim is known for. When she moved to Baltimore in 1998, she began learning in Etz Chaim’s Partners in Torah program. But she resisted changing her life-style and said she was a “slow-goer, going one step at a time.” No one pressured her but gradually, as she studied, she became more accepting of the Torah values she was learning and decided to make some changes in her life. Tova was comfortable with her level of observance at the time. However, she was interested in defining her relationship between herself and G-d.

Tova emphasizes that Etz Chaim is not just a place to learn, “it’s a support net-

work that helps you navigate different life stages.” Over the last 15 years, she has adopted an observant lifestyle, gotten married and now raises an observant family, including her beautiful triplets!

Etz Chaim is a connection to Israel. This past October, Amy Chmar

tel was filled with women dancing and singing Kabbalat Shabbat. Women from all over the world joined together as one. It was a very inspirational and emotional moment for me because I realized that even though we may have thought that we didn’t have a lot in common, with all these different ladies

participated in one of the JWRP trips to Israel. In an article she wrote about her experience, she lists the gifts she received as “living more Jewishly, gaining a bond with a community of sisters, both in Baltimore and beyond, developing the gift of gratitude and a greater sense of pride for Israel and the Jewish people. But most of all,” she says, “this trip gave me the gift of knowing that this was just a formative point in my Jewish journey.” Before the experience, Amy felt she had “always struggled to find a connection to Judaism beyond a cultural one.” She praises the welcoming and non-judgmental group leaders from Etz Chaim for opening her eyes to the concept “that Judaism isn’t an all-or-nothing deal. I can do one more thing than I’m currently doing, and that’s okay.”

Rivkah Topas went on an Etz Chaim JWRP trip last year. She describes her feelings at the Friday night service at the Western Wall. “The Ko-

of different ages and backgrounds, we really did. It hit me clearly that we are all one people. We are not alone and have everything in common as Jewish moms, striving for the same thing. We all felt so connected and part of something much larger.”

So, what is the essence of Etz Chaim?

Etz Chaim is the ongoing, ever building high energy of the participants, teachers and staff. Etz Chaim is Torah. Etz Chaim is Israel. Etz Chaim is family. Etz Chaim is opportunity.

Etz Chaim will be participating in #GivingforOutreach, a day of recognition for outreach in communities around the world, starting Tuesday, February 16th. Jews around the world will be encouraged to take #1DaytoSay thank you - to share on their social media what they appreciate about outreach and to support the organizations and people who dedicate their lives to this work.

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Ohr Hatorah 3rd Annual Shabbos of Chizuk By: Isaac Draiman

The third annual Yeshiva Gedolah Ohr Hatorah Shabbos Chizuk and Weekend Retreat was held on Shabbos, Parshas Bo, at Capital Camps Retreat Center in Waynesboro, Pa. Located about one hour from Baltimore, in the picturesque mountains of southern Pennsylvania, this sprawling campus has become home to a much anticipated event for every talmid.

Close to one hundred people; talmidim, Hanhalah, friends of the Yeshiva and their families came together to be inspired, invigorated and reenergized in midst of winter.

And inspired, invigorated and reenergized they were. The stirring tefillos and zemiros, coupled with the variety of divrei Torah and drashos, moved each person in his own way.

More than once, the heartfelt niggunim spawned spontaneous dancing among the participants. An impromptu kumzitz broke out at the end of the Friday night seuda as well as at Shalosh Seudos. The heartfelt singing brought out feelings of dveikus and created an atmosphere of unparalleled achdus.

A full gamut of shiurim and shmuezzen filled all with inspiration. It began with a shiur from Rabbi Benzion Lapidus after Kabbolas Shabbos, encouraging all to strengthen the achdus that exists in the Yeshiva. A Shabbos morning drasha from Rabbi Dovid Jaf-

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fee helped everyone appreciate all the Ohr Hatorah means to their lives. An afternoon Halachah shiur from Rabbi Yosef Wagner on the topic of the melachah of Koseiv, and a powerful Shalosh Seudos shmuezz from Rabbi Chaim Dovid Lapidus completed the shiurim. Rabbi Lapidus used the Gemara in Meschta Avodah Zorah about “yesh koneh olamo b’sha’a achas” to exhort the bochurim to use their time properly. Divrei Brocha and divrei Torah were delivered during the Seudos by the Roshei Yeshiva, Rabbi Dovid Hoffman and Rabbi Moshe Aharon Rosenbaum as well as by a number of talmidim.

A number of group sessions were held as well. On Friday night a panel discussion was held after the Seuda.

Mr. Orin Hirschman, Mr. Mordechai Hyatt and Rabbi Yisrael Friedland shared their thoughts on the topic: Finding Your Path in Avodas Hashem.

Moderated by Rabbi Yonah Yaakov Lapidus, a spirited discussion with many questions from the audience made for an enjoyable, off the cuff talk. After the davening on Shabbos morning, the Yeshiva bochurim split up into groups and heard divrei chizuk from Kollel yungerleit on the topic: Making the most of Your Yeshiva Years. Rabbis Shlomo Cherniak, Rafi

Shenk, Aryeh Sherizan and Ari Jager headlined each group.

The retreat didn’t end with Havdalah! On Motzoei Shabbos, a special Melave Malka was ordered. The inspiration continued with a viewing of the new production “Triumph of the Spirit – Reflections on the Life and Legacy of the Mir Rosh Hayeshiva, Harav Nosson Tzvi Finkel.” Each person left the weekend not only feeling uplifted and motivated to make the most of the remainder of this winter zman, but with a renewed and deeper connection to their Rebbeim, each other and to their personal Avodah.

Goldfeder Travels to Baltimore to Support Isaac “Yitzy” Schleifer in Historic City Council Race Photo Credit: Baruch Bitman 410-653-6666

Assemblyman Phil Goldfeder travelled to Baltimore on Sunday January 10th to attend a fundraiser hosted by Dr. & Mrs. Thomas Azman and the entire Azman family in support of Issac “Yitzy’ Schleifer who is running for Baltimore City Council in the 5th District, which includes the orthodox Jewish communities of Baltimore.

Goldfeder encouraged the crowd of over 100 to utilize this unique opportunity to support the energetic and uniquely qualified Schleifer in his bid for the seat. The Assemblyman also touched on his own experiences as a

frum elected official in a multicultural urban district.

“The single greatest lesson I’ve learned from my four years in office is that if you do your job with passion and energy, people will take note,” said Assemblyman Phil Goldfeder. “This has always driven me in my work to help families back home in Queens and today I see this same excitement and sense of duty in Yitzy Schleifer.

Yitzy will be tremendous advocate for families in the 5th District and a true source of pride for the larger frum community around the country.”

Around the

Community

By: Isaac Draiman

gan with opening greetings from the concert co-host Dovid Meir Loeb. The VIP’s also heard a moving and emotional speech of thanks from Shuie Steinharter, as well as from Atlantic Seaboard NCSY Regional President, Phillip Dolitsky, who has been deeply impacted by the work of NCSY. Just minutes before the concert began, the VIP’s were ushered downstairs taking their seats among the 2000 other concert-goers in attendance. The NCSY concert was kicked off with co-hosts Azi Rosenbloom and Atlantic Seaboard teen leader, Ethan Dalva. After a very brief program in-

BaltimoreJewishLife.com/Jeff Cohn

cluding an inspiring video about the Steinharter’s profound contribution to K’lal Yisroel, as well as a poignant tribute to the concert’s benefactor, Dr. Irving Taylor, LIPA enthusiastically began his performance by 6:45!

The packed house was radiating energy as all three musical acts had an interwoven performance. From their newest hits to the crowd-pleasing favorites, Benny Friedman, LIPA and Yehuda Green, were incredible and left the concert attendees cheering for more!

While incredibly entertaining and enjoyable - the NCSY concert is

about far more than a fun night out with great music. As Ethan Dalva said in his brief remarks during the concert, “As I look towards the future I feel incredibly hopeful for what we, as a people, can accomplish—and what my role in that can be. I want to thank everyone here tonight for playing their part in making this incredible organization not only survive, but thrive. Because of my time in NCSY, I feel ready to take on all the challenges that lie ahead of me—and the future of K’lal Yisrael.”

FEBRUARY 4, 2016

The arrival of the Steinharter family kicked off the beautiful evening marking NCSY’s 41st annual Isaac H. Taylor Jewish Music Festival, Sunday night, January 10th 2016, honoring Elise and Shuie Steinharter and featuring the musical talent of Benny Friedman, LIPA, and Yehuda Green.

This NCSY concert was the most enjoyable yet!

The event began with a beautiful VIP reception filled to the brim with NCSY supporters, all uniting with a shared passion for Jewish outreach and a deep sense of appreciation for the Steinharter Family. The night be-

Photo Credit: Uri Arnson Photography

THE BALTIMORE JEWISH HOME

Packed House Rocks at the NCSY Concert Honoring Shuie & Elise Steinharter

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Breaking Barriers “Some people succeed because they are destined to but most people succeed because they are determined to” The big question is, how determined are you? How determined are you to test your stamina, push yourself to the limits and find out what you are really capable of? When was the last time your adrenalin was pumping, your heart was racing and yet your determination propelled you forward towards the finish line??

“What won’t break you will only make you stronger”.

Let’s get stronger, together on March 13 2016! Let’s discover the thrill and exhilaration that comes from setting goals and reaching them. Let’s discover the

deep satisfaction that comes from working together, as a team. Let’s discover the intense joy that comes from helping our ourselves and our community. LET’S BREAK BARRIERS! “Alone we can do so little, together we can do so much” We present you with an event that is sure to take community fundraising to unprecedented heights.

Community leaders, Askanim, businessmen , and even several talented high school interns are pooling their skills and talent to present Baltimore with a once in a lifetime opportunity, to join together for a day of extreme challenge, extreme fun, extreme energy and extreme Achdus.

“Let’s turn obstacles into opportunities” The day will feature over 20 obstacles, ranging in levels of challenge. Participants will trek through rugged terrain, over walls and fences and through pipes, all while enjoying the scenic views that can be found on Tranquility Manor Farm. All 200 acres of land will be utilized and enjoyed. Lest you are concerned that only those with unusual strength and stamina can enjoy, there will be plenty of entertainment for the entire family. The atmosphere will be festive, and upbeat. A Texas style BBQ in the great outdoors will guarantee that even those that burn the calories, won’t burn out.

“Life’s problems would not be called

hurdles if there wasn’t a way to get over them” Thanks to Bnaninu, there is. Bnaninu, since it’s inception has been helping the children and families in our community overcome the hurdles and obstacles that life has presented them with. Bnainu has been breaking the barriers between parents and children and opening lines of communication. Bnainu has built resilience and strengthened many. Bnainu has given kids the training necessary to make it to the finish line,heads held high. Let’s join them and become champions, together.

Shoresh’s Night of Magic, Mystery, & Illusion

Around the Community

INDIANA

just to look for symbols!”

Rav Goldfeiz, besides being the weekly shatnez checker for STAR-K Certification, is the Rav Hamachshir of the STAR-S division of STAR-K. Two years ago, in recognition of the burgeoning growth of young Sephardic bnei Torah, Rav Goldfeiz, together with STAR-K President Dr. Avrom Pollak, felt that the particular chumros that have been required in the Edot Hamizrach for centuries should be offered in the U.S. as well. A logical extension of the growth of Sephardic communities would be caring for

FEBRUARY 4, 2016

On Monday evening, January 18, STAR-K Kashrus Administrator Rabbi Zvi Goldberg delivered a lecture as part of an ongoing weekly Kashrus shiurim series at Congregation Beit Yaakov (Beit Safra) in Baltimore, MD, a Sephardic shul led by Rav Emanuel Goldfeiz, shlit”a. Rabbi Goldberg’s full-house audience was comprised of men and women, ranging from the Kosher novice to the most advanced Kashrus observer.

“Just one of the many topics we discussed was the importance of the Kosher consumer actively looking

SOUTH BEND

THE BALTIMORE JEWISH HOME

STAR-K Kashrus Administrator Rabbi Zvi Goldberg Addresses Congregation Beit Yaakov

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SOUTH BEND, INDIANA 3- Bedroom house $ 100,000 their Kashrus concerns nationwide, thus the STAR-S was born. STAR-S provides consumers with products that meet Sephardic standards in: Bishul Beit Yosef, Chalak Beit Yosef, Kiyniyot L’Pesach, and Yoshon.

“Rabbi Goldberg’s shiur was very well received; in fact, everyone asked me if he can come back and speak again,” concluded Rav Goldfeiz.

“They learned that you really have to be careful and that Kashrus is a partnership between the consumer and the Kashrut organization. It was very useful and very informative. They were very impressed with the standards of the STAR-K. Many of them did not have knowledge of what goes into Kashrut and it was eye-opening!”

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for information about Kashrus,” noted Rabbi Goldberg, who revealed his maternal Syrian heritage to his audience. “It’s complicated nowadays and people should subscribe to and read the Kashrus alerts and other information out there. I illustrated this point with a story about the non-kosher Tyson chicken that was sold at Costco with a recognized kosher symbol. An educated consumer would have realized that the symbol was in an unusual place (part of the imprinted date coding) and be wary of the fact that it was selling for a mere .59/lb. It turns out that the company was just using the symbol as an internal coding and had no idea it meant that the product was certified kosher. It’s not enough

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The Perks of Baltimore’s Towson Town Center’s Newest Coffee Shop: Filicori Zecchini By: Isaac Draiman

Entrepreneur Asher Charbit’s passion for coffee was the inspiration and impetus behind Towson Town Center’s newest coffee shop, Filicori Zecchini. The personable, ambitious, American-born 27-yearold was raised in France to Israeli parents “When I saw the brand and tasted the product in New York, I loved it from the first moment,” recalled Asher. “I’m a coffee drinker, myself; I drink coffee three or four times a day. When I tried it, it made me feel different; it was different from the coffee I was drinking every day. Also, because I grew up in Europe, it brought me back to what I was used to. When you compare American coffee to European coffee, it is much different. It’s another experience. Another reason why I opened Filicori is because I really enjoy the interaction with all the different types of people that it leads me to meet.

The Filicori Zecchini brand is actually close to 100 years old. It was borne when Aldo Filicori and Luigi Zecchini opened a small workshop in the center of Bologna, Italy, in 1919, and oversaw their entire coffee production from the importing of sacks of green coffee beans to the brewing of their inimitable authentic Italian Espresso.

Since Filicori Zecchini opened its atypical franchising concept up to the public in 2005, it has grown so that it is now sold to more than 8,000 locations throughout the world in over 30 countries--including such locales as Israel, Romania, Russia, France, Spain, Mexico, Greece and Sweden. They are mostly small coffee shops that primarily sell coffee Last year, Asher opened up his first Filicori Zecchini location on the Upper West Side of Manhattan, on Broadway and 95th. It is the only one of the brand’s seven locations in Manhattan that is kosher. The Towson coffee shop is kosher-certified by Rabbi Y. Zvi Weiss. Asher is already looking to expand and add locations in Maryland--in downtown Baltimore (which is almost a done deal) and in Columbia--as well as in Delaware and New Jersey.

“Because I have many businesses located around Maryland and Delaware, I decided to bring the Filicori Zecchini concept to Maryland,” says Asher, who opened his second location, in Towson, this week. “The idea is to bring a high end quality coffee--different than what people usually know--as well as the European feeling and style. Everything in the coffee shop is made in Italy. The bar, the chairs, and many of the products are made there,

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too. Although Filicori is primarily a coffee shop and the food on the menu is not our main business, when I saw there was a lot of interest in the food, from customers--especially from my Jewish customers--I decided to add sandwiches, salads, and bakery items, such as bagels and croissants, to

the menu.”

If a cup of Joe is not your cup of tea, Filicori Zecchini offers high-end Filicori Zecchini teas and cocoas, too. In addition, the menu features reasonably priced breakfast choices of a variety of sandwiches served on bagels and croissants, Feuillet

(filled puff pastry), oatmeal, and strawberry parfait; lunch choices include a variety of freshly made sandwiches and salads.

Its bakery offerings include a choice of a variety of muffins, Danishes (including cheese), and other treats that are all freshly baked every morning. Both hot and cold drinks, including Espresso, Macchiato, Cartado, Cappuccino and Lattes-available with standard milk, almond milk or soy milk, are also on the menu. Many of the products served, like sandwiches, are cholov Yisroel. Cholov Yisroel products are listed in the shop.

Filicori Zecchini is not Asher’s first and only business. When he was 17 years old, he returned to the U.S. from France and started to work as a salesman for a cosmetics company. At 20, he started his own cosmetics business, opening several mall kiosks. He presently owns five cosmetic stores-- the most recently opened one in the Roosevelt Hotel in midtown Manhattan--and the wholesale company that creates the product, itself, which is sold to other companies. With businesses in New York, Baltimore, and other cities in between, Asher lives half of the time in New York and the other half of the time in Baltimore.

“Since Filicori Zecchini is not exactly a franchise--although some products are supplied from the parent company--we are basically looking to build up and grow the brand based on the product; we have more freedom to do so since it is not a regular franchise,” shares Asher. “We bring something different to the table. It’s an exclusivity. You cannot only taste the difference, but feel the difference with the Filicori Zecchini experience. We bring something unique--extra good service to give the personal feeling to the customer. That is our goal--to grow a brand that is going to grow and bring a unique experience to our customers--an experience much different than they might have gotten used to at other coffee shops, until now. It takes time, but that is really what we want to do. The product is really premium. We are spending and investing a lot of time to bring great customer service, quality, freshness, and high-end products--but we also have an amazing product.”

Filicori Zecchini is located on the third floor of Towson Town Center, in front of GAP and next to Nordstrom. It is open Monday-Friday from 7 a.m. to 9 p.m. and Sunday from 8 a.m. to 6 p.m.

The Week against the Jews and think it right that the initiators of these terrible deeds will stand trial before the law now and in the future,” he wrote. However, he added: “I was not a responsible leader, and as such do not feel myself guilty.”

Eichmann was captured by Israeli

intelligence agents in 1960 in Argentina, where he was living as a fugitive, and smuggled to Israel, which put him on trial. Of course, as we know from history, his plea for clemency was rejected and he was given the death sentence. Eichmann was convicted in Je-

rusalem and hanged in 1962 in Ramle prison.

The papers were released in time for Holocaust Remembrance Day, a day when the country and world remembers the six million murdered Jews of World War II.

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Newly released court documents portray that the evil Adolf Eichmann, ym”sh, an architect of the Nazi Holocaust, protested his innocence till the very last minute.

The papers depict how the delusional Eichmann believed that the Israeli judges who oversaw his trial had “made a fundamental mistake in that they are not able to empathize with the time and situation in which I found myself during the war years.”

Supposedly Eichmann insisted to Israel’s then-President Yitzchak BenZvi that he was simply following orders and therefore was not responsible for “the unspeakable horrors” of the Holocaust. Eichmann told Ben-Zvi: “It is not true ... that I myself was a persecutor in the pursuit of the Jews ... but only ever acted ‘by order of.’”

Eichmann, who is responsible for playing a vital role in the 1940 Wannsee Conference at which the Nazis’ annihilation of European Jewry was planned, spoke in his appeal of the “unspeakable horrors which I witnessed.”

“I detest as the greatest of crimes the horrors which were perpetrated

FEBRUARY 4, 2016

Eichmann’s Court Papers Released

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The Week Marking the publication of the hand-written documents, Israeli President Reuven Rivlin said: “Not a moment of kindness was given to those who suffered Eichmann’s evil – for them this evil was never banal, it was painful, it was palpable. He murdered whole families and desecrated a nation. Evil had a face, a voice. And the judgement against this evil was just.”

U.S. Customs: West Bank is Not Israel The U.S Customs department has issued a reminder that all prod-

In News

ucts that have been imported from the West Bank or Gaza Strip should not be labeled “Made in Israel.” The move seems to have been designed to highlight the United States’ opposition to Israel’s settlement policies. Sources in the Israeli Foreign Ministry have said that they are studying the new U.S. notice.

The move came soon after U.S. Ambassador to Israel Dan Shapiro sharply criticized Israel’s West Bank settlement policy, alleging that Israel has two standards of law in the territory — one for Israelis and another

for Palestinians. Shapiro’s remarks prompted a furious critique from Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu.

State Department spokesman Mark Toner said that the U.S.’s decision to reissue its labeling policy had been taken after complaints that some West Bank products had been mislabeled prior to U.S. import. “U.S. Customs and Border Protection reissued guidance on their marking requirements,” he told remarked. “It in no way supersedes prior rulings or regulations.

“And nor does it impose additional requirements with respect to merchandise imported from the West Bank, Gaza Strip or Israel,” he added.

The U.S. Customs statement, visible on the agency’s website, restates the terms of 1995 and 1997 laws requiring that goods from Gaza and the West Bank be labeled as such. “It is not acceptable to mark the aforementioned goods with the words ‘Israel,’ ‘Made in Israel,’ ‘Occupied Territories-Israel’ or any variation thereof,”

the statement said.

Some Israelis living in the West Bank are known to label products for export as being from Israel, and the European Union recently acted to ban the practice. The U.S. reminder, unlike the EU guidelines, does not mention the Golan Heights, seized from Syria in the 1967 Six Day War and effectively annexed in 1981.

Shapiro later apologized for the timing of his remarks — which came a day after a Palestinian teenager killed a Jewish mother of six in the West Bank settlement of Otniel and on the day that a pregnant woman was stabbed in another Palestinian attack in the Tekoa settlement.

New $100M U.S.Israel Scholarship Mortimer Zuckerman, a real estate and media mogul, has announced a new $100 million sci-

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Cruz Cruises into First; Hillary Gets Lucky

FEBRUARY 4, 2016 B A LT I M O R E J E W I S H H O M E . C O M

The four institutions in the partnership are Hebrew University of Jerusalem, the Technion-Israel Institute of Technology, Tel Aviv University, and the Weizmann Institute of Science. Grants will also go to the schools to help them develop laboratories and compete for top scholars in North America.

The Wall Street Journal reported that Zuckerman, the 78-year-old owner and publisher of the New York Daily News, said he got the idea for the scholarship at 5 a.m. one morning last summer, when he couldn’t sleep.

He had been thinking about how he could give back to America, which he reached as a young immigrant from Canada. “I got started in this country with a few friends and virtually no family but was able to find acceptance, opportunity and success beyond anything I ever imagined,” he said in an interview. “This is one way to give back.”

Zuckerman said he seeks to help talented scientists with leadership skills pursue advanced research abroad in a program that is not unlike the Rhodes scholarships. It will bring together American and Israeli researchers, in the hope that the collaboration will lead to new discoveries. “This would be a collaboration of thought and discovery,” he said, predicting that the scholars’ leadership abilities would create a “multiplier effect” that would spread their influence in academia, government and business.

The program will give $100 million in grants over the next 20 years, starting in the 2016-17 academic year.

U.S. postdoctoral applicants must propose specific research projects with faculty members, and those with the most potential will be approved.

Trump’s promise that under his leadership America would win so much that “you will get tired of win-

ning,” didn’t exactly pan out on the Iowa caucus this week. Although polls had him several points ahead in the days leading up to the caucus, Ted Cruz cruised to a comfortable first place victory, taking close to 28% of the votes. Although Trump came in second place, with approximately 24% of the vote, his second place finish was weighed down by a surprising strong finish by Marco Rubio, who, with his 23%, nipped at Trump’s heels.

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ence scholarship program that is to partner with four Israeli institutions.

The scholarship will give grants to American postdoctoral researchers and graduate students in science, technology, engineering and math.

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THE BALTIMORE JEWISH HOME

FEBRUARY 4, 2016

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The Week Neurosurgeon Ted Carson garnered close to 10% of the votes. The rest of the candidates all received less than 5% of the vote each.

Unlike Gov. Michael Huckabee, who immediately dropped out of the race after his abysmally performance in the Iowa caucus, the other under-performing Republican candidates gave no indication that they will follow suit. Jeb Bush, who has been unable to escape the “low energy” label cloaked on him by Mr. Trump, only garnered 2.8% of the vote, despite having spent $14.9 million in Iowa, which means that the former frontrunner spent $2,884 per Iowa vote. As of now, though, it is onto New Hampshire for Bush and the others.

Rubio, who is seen as the only viable “Republican establishment” candidate, treated his third place finish as an all-out victory. “So this is the moment they said would never happen...

They told me we have no chance,” declared Rubio with a big grin in his “victory” speech which echoed a similar speech by another candidate who did surprisingly well in the 2008 Democrat Iowa caucus, Barack Obama. “They said this day would never come... They said our sights were set too high,” declared the first term senator from Illinois in 2008 after a surprise win in the Iowa caucus.

In News Although the disappointment of Monday’s results was evident on Trump’s face, he was gracious in defeat. In a un-Trump fashion he said that he was honored to finish in second place in Iowa, before he turned his attention to the next races and declared, “We love New Hampshire. We love South Carolina.”

Despite the surprises on the Republican side, the real drama played out on the Democrat side which turned out to be a virtual tie with Hillary Clinton taking 49.9% and Bernie Sanders taking 49.6%, according to initial calculations. So close was that race that in six precincts the winner was decided by a coin toss – as mandated by official state rules – when caucus-goers were at an impasse and unable to agree whether Clinton or Sanders should be deemed the winner of that caucus.

What Hillary lacks in campaign skill – she started the campaign with a 50 point lead against her elderly

socialist opponent – she makes up in luck: she won each of the six coin tosses. The odds of winning six of six coin tosses is 1.56 percent.

Even before the race was called for Hillary, she rushed for the stage to declare victory. In Clintonian fashion she declared, “I’m breathing a big sigh of relief,” even though the results were still unofficial.

Perhaps sticking with their theme of being positive, the Sanders campaign shut down the live feed into their gathering when the crowd which was watching Clinton’s speech on big screens began chanting, “You’re a liar.”

Now it is on to New Hampshire in an election season which is just getting started. And, as the political saying goes, “What Iowa gives, New Hampshire takes back.”

YOUR NEIGHBORHOOD MORTGAGE LENDER B A LT I M O R E J E W I S H H O M E . C O M

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B A LT I M O R E J E W I S H H O M E . C O M

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FEBRUARY 4, 2016

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The Week Eat More, Lose More

Want to lose a couple of pounds?

Eat more! Sounds too good to be true, right? Well, it’ll work if you’re going to be munching on grapes – so put those chips down.

Researchers at Harvard University concluded that increasing daily intake of fruit can actually prevent weight gain, even when eating the same amount of calories. Scientists explain that flavonoids, naturally occurring compounds which occur in fruits and vegetables, have been linked to weight loss.

In order to determine which specific flavonoids were most effective, researchers closely monitored nearly 125,000 people between 27 and 65 over a span of 25 years. They consistently tracked their diet, lifestyle habits, and weight.

The final figures strongly suggested that increasing levels of anthocyanins, flavonoid polymers and flavonols – which are found mainly in blueberries, strawberries, apples, pears and oranges – had the greatest overall impact. Tea and onions were also beneficial. According to the research, each additional portion of these fruits a day decreased weight by a quarter of a pound over four years.

Meaning, if one would religiously stick to a five-a-day regime they could potentially lose 1.2 lbs. over the same time period – and that’s without the weight gain that is supposedly prevented. The study adjusted for a range of dietary and lifestyle factors that may have influenced the results, such as smoking status and physical activity. Results were consistent across men and women and different ages.

Monica Bertoia of the Department of Nutrition at Harvard T H Chan School of Public Health commented, “These data may help to refine previous dietary recommendations for the prevention of obesity and its potential consequences. Losing even small amounts of weight can improve health.”

There are overall health benefits of losing or avoiding even minor amounts of weight gain. According to medical research, it can reduce the risk of diabetes, cancer, hypertension and cardiovascular disease.

As expected, this research was met with some criticism. British experts say the conclusion may be skewed by the obvious fact that generally people who eat more fruit are generally healthier and more educated. Naveed Sattar, professor of metabolic medicine at the University of Glasgow, said, “Consider the type of person who would eats lots of colorful fruit – you can imagine they may be more health conscious, better educated, etc. and lead healthy lifestyles in general.

All this study says is that folk who tend to eat more fruit or vegetables tend to put on less weight but whether it’s the foods they choose or their other behaviors, or both, that account for less weight, one cannot tell from this work. … It’s the foods one chooses in broad concepts that matters – less fat, sugar, salt and more fiber, rather than magical nutrients.”

Despite the recommended daily dose of four to five servings of fruit each day, the average adult consumes less than one cup of fruits and less than two cups of vegetables daily.

Time to break out the blueberries.

Orthodontist is Best Job in the U.S. Some people stay true to their young career goals and become firefighters and astronauts, but the majority of us end up pursuing careers that fit our lifestyles, are accessible,

In News and of course bring home the dough.

However, the best jobs in the U.S. are constantly changing due to rapidly evolving technology and the economy. For this year, according to the U.S. News Best Jobs rankings, the best overall job is an orthodontist.

a person who creates maps, ranks at number 21, statistician at number 17, and massage therapist at 50.

America’s Rapidly Declining Freedom

To gather the data, researchers considered salary, the number of expected openings, advancement opportunities, and career fulfillment. Professions are ranked based on a calculated overall score, which combines several components into a single weighted average score between 0 and 5. The seven scored components included in that average score were Median Salary (30 percent), Employment Rate (20 percent), 10-Year Growth Volume (15 percent), 10-Year Growth Percentage (15 percent), Job Prospects (10 percent), Stress Level (5 percent) and Work-Life Balance (5 percent).

Even with all the healthcare reform complaints by doctors and hospital staff, nine out of ten of the top ten careers in the United States are in the field of medicine.

The overall top ten best jobs in the nation are: Orthodontist Dentist Computer systems analyst Nurse anesthetist Physician’s assistant Nurse practitioner Psychiatrist Pediatrician Anesthesiologist OB/GYN (Tied) Oral maxillofacial surgeon (Tied) Some other careers you may have been wondering about… Accountant ranks number 24 after occupational therapist at number 23, speech-language pathologist ranks at 28, and financial advisor at number 31. As for some jobs that you may not have been wondering about…a cartographer,

While many immigrants come to the U.S. in pursuit of religious freedom, many Americans are questioning the country’s economic freedom.

According to the 2016 Index of Economic Freedom, an annual publication by The Heritage Foundation, America’s economic freedom has plummeted. With losses of economic freedom in eight of the past nine years, the U.S. has tied its worst score ever, obliterating a decade of improvements. Economists blame the declining score on government spending, subsidies, and bailouts.

When President Barack Obama was sworn into office in 2009, the U.S. was ranked the 6th freest economy in the world. It is now in 11th place.

Since then, government spending has peaked to $29,867 per household in 2015 and national debt has mounted to $125,000 for every tax-filing household in America, a total of over $18 trillion.

Economic freedom is one of the core foundations of America. U.S. economic strength, has created high living standards for the average American, helped formulate a powerful military, and established the country’s status as a world leader. Experts are concerned that the failing economic freedom can threaten all those factors.

House Ways and Means Committee Chairman Kevin Brady, R-Texas, keynote speaker of the official release of the 2016 Index, recently ques-

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The Week

Pass the Pretzels, Please

pants said they consume coffee, tea, or chocolate every day. After looking for premature ventricular and atrial contractions in the heart, scientists resolved that there is no definitive link between caffeine consumption and heart palpitations, heart fluttering, or other irregular heartbeat patterns. This holds true even when people consume large daily amounts of caffeine.

“Clinical recommendations advising against the regular consumption of caffeinated products to prevent disturbances of the heart’s cardiac rhythm should be reconsidered, as we may unnecessarily be discouraging consumption of items like chocolate, coffee, and tea that might actually have cardiovascular benefits,” says the lead author of the study from the University of California-San Francisco, further defending caffeine’s reputation.

Under current AHA guidelines, individuals with extra heartbeats are recommended to avoid caffeine, which can magnify the problem.

Because “this was the first community-based sample to look at the impact of caffeine on extra heartbeats,” though, the researchers say further research is needed to make more conclusive statements.

Pass the Caffeine!

Is caffeine one of your vices? If it is, don’t stress about breaking your habit (or addiction) just yet.

Contrary to the age-old belief that caffeine may cause heart palpitations that can lead to heart failure, new research in the Journal of the American Heart Association suggests otherwise.

Researchers surveyed 1,388 people with an average age of 72 about their caffeine consumption, reports NBC News. About 61% of partici-

How much is it worth to own Google.com for a minute? Turns out, not too much.

In October, Sanmay Ved, researcher and former Googler, made headlines when he managed to buy the

The Shopping Sea Lion Something fishy went on in the gift shop last week.

Around closing time, a sea lion

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A Google Minute

Google.com domain for one minute.

He thought he was being cute – but Google decided to give him a reward to identifying a small flaw in the system. At the time, Ved declined to announce his reward, telling Business Insider only that it was “more than 10,000.”

Now, though, the word is out. On Thursday, Google announced in a blogpost: “Our initial financial reward to Sanmay – $6,006.13 – spelled-out Google, numerically (squint a little and you’ll see it!). We then doubled this amount when Sanmay donated his reward to charity,” Google wrote.

Hmmm. Seems like this is a case of Google humor, although even I was able to smile at that.

Ved didn’t keep the big bucks to himself. He donated his winnings to the educational charity The Art of Living India.

This is not the first time Google had fun with numbers. In 2015, Google parent company Alphabet bought back a bunch of stock for $5,099,019,513.59 — the square root of 26, the number of letters in the alphabet, times a billion. In 2011, Google bid $3.14159 billion, or pi billion dollars, for Nortel patents.

This week’s blogpost was intended to share the results of Google’s bug bounty program, where it pays cash to hackers for finding flaws in the search giant’s services. Google says it paid out $2 million last year to more than 300 hackers and security researchers. In one case, Tomasz Bojarski, the most prolific Google bug bounty hunter of the year, was rewarded because he found a security flaw in Google’s web form to report security flaws.

Takes one to know one.

FEBRUARY 4, 2016

We’re all guilty of appeasing our toddler with a sticker or a lollipop after a rough visit to the doctor. It doesn’t make the pain of a vaccine go away, but it helps to distract for a moment. Now flyers on many U.S. airlines are getting a taste of their own tactics and are on the receiving end of petty appeasements.

Rejoice! The next time you fly domestic you will probably receive a complimentary mini bag of pretzels, just like in the good old days. This comes after 15 years of gradual stinginess from most major airlines. Maybe now since fuel is cheaper, there is more room in the budget.

Airlines are slowly adding in small perks to attract flyers who have been receiving less and less as they fly. No, you won’t be getting more room to stretch your legs and you’ll still need to pay for that checked bag, but you may be able to watch a show midflight or even chow down as you sail the skies.

On Monday, American Airlines announced the return of free snacks in the economy section and more free entertainment options on some aircraft. American, which recently merged with US Airways, hasn’t offered free snacks since 2003. In February, American will start offering Biscoff cookies or pretzels to passengers flying between New York

and San Francisco or Los Angeles. By April, those snacks will expand to all other domestic routes. In May, American will bring back full meal service for coach passengers between Dallas and Hawaii.

United recently announced they will resume giving out free snacks on its flights starting in February. Some other major carriers like Delta Air Lines never denied passengers of free snacks, even during bankruptcy.

When Continental Airlines stopped distributing free cookies and mini bags of pretzels in 2011, after its merger with United Airlines, they claimed it would save $2.5 million a year. “What has changed,” Fernand Fernandez, vice president of global marketing at American, said, “is that the airlines have been able to fix our core business and be able to reinvest in our customers.”

“These are token investments in the passenger experience that will not cost airlines a lot of money but are small ways to make passengers a little bit happier,” points out Henry Harteveldt, the founder of travel consultancy Atmosphere Research Group. “American and United realized: We don’t let other airlines have an advantage on price, why let them have one on pretzels?”

THE BALTIMORE JEWISH HOME

tioned, “It’s been almost seven years since the Obama ‘recovery’ began, and our economy is barely out of neutral. Why does America have to settle for this?”

In News

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THE BALTIMORE JEWISH HOME

FEBRUARY 4, 2016

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The Week who seems to enjoy shopping managed to climb 145 steps to reach a beachside gift shop. The store sits on top of stairs that allows visitors to descend a cliff to reach Sunny Jim Sea Cave in La Jolla, California.

As the sea lion entered the gift shop, a shocked shopper in a wheelchair came by. Other witnesses remained calm and enjoyed watching the slippery customer who was lured out of the shop by quick-thinking staff with a treat of salmon.

B A LT I M O R E J E W I S H H O M E . C O M

“He wandered around the store for nearly 10 minutes, confused and scared before I got him out the back door, through the garden gate, and heading back to the ocean,” the manager posted on Facebook.

Shopping and swimming – he sure knows how to do a vacation.

Taco U

What’s the right way to eat a taco?

Don’t know? Maybe you should get lessons – or take a class.

Students at University of Kentucky can now get cracking as they have the distinct privilege of getting college credits for eating tacos. The university is offering an undergraduate class called “Taco Literacy: Public Advocacy and Mexican Food in the U.S.

South,” and the professor behind it wants to use tacos as an avenue for students to learn more about how people can forge social connections through food.

“This class allows our students to explore the issues of immigration, inequality, workers, intercultural communication, and literacy through the prism of food,” Steven Alvarez, an assistant professor from the school’s writing, rhetoric, and digital studies department told Munchies.

So what do students need to do to get an A in the taco tutorial? How does writing restaurant reviews, sampling tacos, and collecting data within their communities sound? Too tempting to be true? I’d say…

This is not the first food-centric course to be offered in college. In fact, Pizza Hut partnered with a UK university to offer apprenticeships for students in the past. And there are beer-brewing programs for those who love the smell of hops. This course, though, is the first to test on tacos and may the best burrito win.

Perhaps a class trip to Carlos & Gabby’s should be on the menu.

Now Accepting Plastic Donations

There are around 20,000 homeless in Detroit and they are all looking for handouts. It takes an enterprising individual to stand out on the crowded streets and Honest Abe seems to be doing just that.

Abe “Honest Abe” Hagenston knows that although cash is king, the 21st century is fast becoming all plas-

In News tic. Now the homeless man is taking credit cards to help people donate more to the abode-less entrepreneur.

“I’m the only homeless guy in America who can take a credit card.

It’s all done safely and securely through square.com,” Abe boasted to CBS Detroit. “I take VISA, MasterCard, American Express,” he said.

Hagenston has been homeless for seven years. He uses a Square reader on his phone to swipe credit cards.

In total, he receives around $20 to $50 a day due to the generosity of strangers who pass him by under the highway overpass he calls home. Using a Square reader just makes good “cents.” They cost around $10, plug into phones, and charge users 2.75% per swiped transaction through a free app. Honest Abe doesn’t disclose how many supporters have trusted him with their credit card.

In case people can’t find Abe under the highway, he’s also on the information superhighway – the internet. He started a website using a computer at the local library.

“My business is being homeless, now homeless is my business,” reads Hagenston’s catchy slogan on his website.

According to the site, in order to earn money, he does “a lot of painting, computer work and yard work for people.” The site also solicits job opportunities for other homeless people in Detroit and an option for the homeless to sign up for job postings.

“Being homeless gives a person a lot of time to reflect on what went wrong, and what a person could do differently if given the chance,” Abe reflected.

clock in late to the office.

But what happens once you slide into your desk slightly out of breath?

Do you keep your head down and blame the weather or maybe invent a “dog ate my homework” excuse?

According to CareerBuilder, a workplace research group, over half of the tardy folks blame traffic for their lateness woes. A third say that they overslept, 28 percent blame the weather, 23 percent admit they were tired, and 15 percent say their children’s care were to blame for their lateness at the office.

Tardy for the Work Party

we have here.

Late for work? You’re not alone.

According to a YouGov poll from 2014, one in five Americans arrive late for work. 48 percent, though, actually listen to their alarm clocks and never

There were other, more creative excuses that 2,600 human resource managers revealed to the research group from late employees. Here are the most outrageous – or truthful – ones.

We’ll leave that up to you to decide.

My hair caught on fire from my blow dryer.

I was detained by Homeland Security.

I had to chase my cows back into the field.

A black bear entered my carport.

My lizard had to have emergency surgery.

I thought of quitting today, but then decided not to, so I came in late.

All of my clothes were stolen.

I was confused by the time change and unsure if it was spring forward or fall back.

A Vaseline truck overturned on the highway.

Sounds like some slippery excuses

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OCTOBER 29, 2015 | The Jewish Home

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A Giant in Torah, Humble in Spirit

By Brendy J. Siev

THE BALTIMORE JEWISH HOME

Rabbi Chaim Yisroel Belsky, zt”l

FEBRUARY 4, 2016

demic, a lover of all learning. His Torah knowledge was incomparable – a talmid muvhak says, “He knew everything” – and Rabbi Belsky needed to know how everything works. He could recall every Tosfos in Shas; he was fully familiar with all of Tanach and possessed an exceptional understanding of halacha.

When it came to learning, one talmid would often slip an obscure sefer on the Rav’s shtender.

The Rav would open it and learn it

through. In teaching others, Rabbi Belsky, who gave semicha shiurim in shechita, melicha, basar v’chalav, and tarfus, strongly believed in experiential learning: he often brought animals into the yeshiva to demonstrate points they were learning. In fact, when the cook called one day with a sheilah about the yeshiva’s chicken, Rabbi Belsky came to pasken with 35 talmidim in tow.

When it came to kashrus, Rabbi Belsky personally entered

oil tanks to see for himself and understand the complexities of the inner workings of the tank.

He did not rely on others’ scientific knowhow but studied each kashrus matter deeply on his own. He personally calculated all mathematical considerations and equations in terms of halacha and kashrus. This determination and scholarship enabled him to definitively pasken on key issues.

At one point, a woman believed that she saw bugs in the

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very Jew has been impacted by Rabbi Chaim Yisroel Belsky, zt”l, his broad erudition, and his bold resolutions.

Rabbi Belsky was the rosh yeshiva of Yeshiva Mesivta Torah Vodaath, moreh d’asrah of Camp Agudah and founder of its Masmidim program, and posek for the world’s largest kashrus agency, the Orthodox Union (OU).

He was a true scholar and aca-

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34 water coming out of her tap.

This led to a widespread panic in New York, and people started buying bottled water and adding filters to their homes. But Rabbi Belsky researched the issue and issued a ten-page psak refuting the claims that New York water was undrinkable and teeming with insects. His authority quieted and dampened the communal anxiety.

A similar situation erupted where people believed that all fresh fish was too wormy to be consumed. Rabbi Belsky again paskened, painstakingly researching the issue from a halachic and scientific standpoint.

At one point, an out-of-town rav stopped a chuppah mid-ceremony because he claimed he had detected an issue with the kesuba. He pulled out a pen and rewrote the kesuba, delaying the wedding. Rabbi Belsky later reviewed the original kesuba: it had never had an issue. “Some people,” he said, “want the kavod; they don’t want the halacha. But people have to learn the sugya.”

All kashrus decisions in America ultimately rely on Rabbi Belsky’s psakim. His thoughts are expounded in the OU’s Mesorah Journal. Rav Moshe Elefant of the OU considers Rabbi Belsky “irreplaceable.”

His other psakim and thoughts are recounted by his talmid, Rav Lebovits, in Piskei Rabbi Belsky, a compilation of discourses and discussions meticulously reviewed by the Rav himself. Rav Lebovits also shares these thoughts in a weekly mailing to 10,000 people in 20 countries and has published the halacha articles in TJH. The Rav opposed people acting only for the sake of convenience. He felt that people should look for the truth in all aspects of halacha. He often said, “It’s easy to assur. It takes strength to be matir.”

That was Rabbi Belsky. He had the knowledge and the knowhow in how to pasken and how to understand halacha and the Torah derech.

“He never shied from controversy,” says talmid R’ Yehoshua Teller. “He stuck to his guns.”

He was the quintessential rebbe, dedicated to each talmid’s success in learning. He spoke to talmidim and people of all ages with respect and understanding.

subjects. Unlike many brilliant people with unbelievable ability, Rabbi Belsky was able to methodically and simply explain every subject “from the bottom up.”

Rabbi Belsky was known for his wide knowledge in all four chalakim of Shulchan Aruch. His frequent “Ask the Rav” sessions

Rabbi Belsky, upon hearing the reason for the employee’s termination, said to his talmid, “If you really want to protect my kavod, give this man his job.”

At one point, he passed a pair of chavrusas discussing the gid hanasheh. Rabbi Belsky paused.

“You’re learning it wrong,” he told them. He sat down to explain it to them clearly and to guide the talmidim to understand the Gemara properly.

His talmidim felt comfortable asking the Rav any question. His talmid, Rav Moishe Dovid Lebovits, commented, “He never said you have a bad question. He was always clear and direct.”

His talmid, Rav Moshe Bergman, explained Rabbi Belsky’s approach to explaining complex

covered halacha and hashkafah issues. He taught the Yoreh De’ah shiur for 15 years following Rav Pam, zt”l,’s passing. Rabbi Belsky himself presided over an esteemed beis din. Furthermore, Rabbi Belsky started to train his talmidim to become dayanim in the Choshen Mishpat chaburah as well, so that they could in turn utilize their knowledge and Gemara learning to mediate in the Jewish world.

At the same time, he loved every talmid to the extent that he could not see his wrongdoings. If the Rav heard, for instance, that

a talmid had violated the law, he had “such ahava,” says Rabbi Yitzchok Gottdiener, executive director of the yeshiva, “that he couldn’t see it or be sovel it.”

Rav Bergman emphasizes Rabbi Belsky’s joy in seeing his talmidim’s success: “He felt genuine simcha when something went well in your life. He was comfortable and would be happy if any of his talmidim would have gotten ten steps ahead of him at any time. He complimented his talmidim and built them up so that you felt you had to perform well in the future.”

Rabbi Belsky was not simply the moreh d’asrah of Camp Agudah. He was the founder of the Masmidim program, a groundbreaking program and concept that shifted people’s perception of camp as a summer of fun to a summer of strength and learning. But, inasmuch as he spent hours learning with his talmidim and campers, Rabbi Belsky spent hours taking them on nature walks and hikes, and, most memorably, stargazing.

Rabbi Belsky was known for his knowledge of astronomy; he spoke with NASA scientists about alterations he would notice in the cosmos. He shared this with his campers and Masmidim.

His dedication to his talmidim and their Torah was extraordinary, and he was governed by a sincere and admirable tenet about students and learning. Two weeks ago, he shared this with the rebbeim of the yeshiva when he attended a weekend of chizuk, learning, and professional development for Torah Vodaath rebbeim and their families.

Rabbi Belsky addressed the rebbeim on Shabbos morning.

His message was at once a personal declaration and a directive to others: There is no such thing as looking at a bochur except as a potential success. A rebbe must think, I can make this talmid grow and work. If the rebbe works hard enough at it, he’ll build the talmid up. A rebbe who does not believe that each talmid can grow to be the top of the class has no

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35 this man his job.”

R’ Mordechai Dornbush recalled that his family developed a strong kesher with Rabbi Belsky as his mother was the nurse in Camp Agudah for several years.

“He was available to help with my brother and me getting into yeshivos and was instrumental

“He complimented his talmidim and built them up so that you felt you had to perform well in the future.”

when it came to shidduchim for my sisters.” Even after the family left camp, “Rabbi Belsky would call us just to check in and see how we were doing. He would see my father and ask him, ‘How are my boys doing?’

“True gedolim are able make us feel that they really care. It isn’t an act or something they feel they should do. They simply don’t know any other way to be.”

Born in America, Rabbi Belsky attended Yeshiva Torah Vodaath from childhood and received his semicha from there in 1962. He was a talmid of Rav Yaakov Kamenetsky, zt”l, and received his shimush from Rav Moshe Feinstein, zt”l. Later, Rabbi Belsky learned at Beis Medrash Elyon in Monsey.

Rav Berel Belsky, Rabbi Belsky’s father, too, had learned at Torah Vodaath. In 1918, Rav Binyomin Wilhelm, zt”l, moved from the Lower East Side to Williamsburg. At the time, Williamsburg did not have a yeshiva, and all children attended public school. Rabbi Wilhelm decided to open a yeshiva there, despite warnings that it would not succeed. He went from shul to shul recruiting children, especially on Yom Kippur.

One boy was slated to start public school but came down with the chicken pox on the first day

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became a mechanic. Rabbi Belsky called him every erev Shabbos for two years to ask him about his Shabbos plans and to invite him for a meal. In this way, the Rav kept his talmidim close even if they were not destined to stay in yeshiva.

The Belskys had an open home, and one erev Yom Kippur an irreligious woman showed up.

She was clearly unstable, raving about Communism and behaving psychotically. Rabbi Belsky insisted to his family that he could not possibly send someone out of his house. This woman spent Yom Kippur night sleeping on the Belsky couch. Such was his rachmanus.

“The people he helped,” Rav Bergman recalled, “were often the people who slapped him in the face many times over.” Rabbi Belsky’s son-in-law spoke of a din Torah in which Rabbi Belsky ruled against the plaintiff. The plaintiff, an employee of one of Rabbi Belsky’s talmidim, subsequently spoke loudly and disparagingly against the Rav to the point that his employer fired him. The plaintiff then went to Rabbi Belsky to ask him to intervene and get his job back. Rabbi Belsky, upon hearing the reason for the employee’s termination, said to his talmid, “If you really want to protect my kavod, give

of school. He recovered on Sukkos. At that point, because he had missed so much school, his parents sent him to the new yeshiva, Torah Vodaath, instead. This boy was Rav Berel Belsky and married Rav Wilhelm’s daughter. The two had several children, including Rabbi Yisroel Belsky.

Gifted with an impeccable memory, Rabbi Belsky remembered sitting on his grandfather’s knee as a three-year-old and singing niggunim. Rabbi Belsky never lost his love of song or music. He often shared this music with campers at Camp Agudah and davened for the amud on yamim noraim in Torah Vodaath.

Rabbi Belsky considered his wife, Rebbetzin Miriam, his life partner, and indeed she is the rebbetzin behind the Rav, the woman who made his life and Torah possible. Together, they raised 13 children, the last of whom married several months ago.

Rabbi Belsky taught his children by example. One son said at the levaya, “I remember growing up, waking up Shabbos morning ... before coming to shul, my father would sit with his Gemara while we would eat breakfast, and he would learn Gemara. We would go out to Prospect Park sometimes, and he would sit with his Gemara ... He taught me to learn not by telling me to learn but by learning himself.”

His children saw his incredible empathy. “When somebody has a problem it has to become your problem,” said Rabbi Avraham Belsky at the levaya. “That was my father. If someone had a problem it became his problem.”

“He lived the yeshiva,” said Rabbi Aryeh Belsky. “He was here all the time ... He lived Torah Vodaath.”

It was therefore apt that, when the Rav was niftar this past week at age 77, his levaya was conducted at the yeshiva, followed by two other levayos in Israel, at Yeshivos Mir and Kamenetz. It was a final goodbye, at bastions of Torah, though his impact is timeless.

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Rabbi Belsky often stood up for the forlorn people and the unfortunate. He represented agunahs and pushed strongly for their gittin. He felt for children with ADHD and supported the Jewish Association for Attention Deficit Disorder, an organization that was the first to address the issue in the frum community. His talmid, Rabbi Lebovits, further recounts that Rabbi Belsky “never said no to people knocking on his door.” The Rav did not have a “fund,” but gave his own money to others if they asked.

Once, a Camp Agudah camper confided in the Rav that he had trouble sleeping in his yeshiva dorm. Though the boy was not a Torah Vodaath talmid, the Rav immediately offered the boy a bed in the Belsky home. The boy became a family member, even taking a night shift at the Rav’s bedside when he was in the hospital.

Another camper suffered from a terrible stutter. Rabbi Belsky asked the boy to come each day in camp to work on it; the boy stopped coming after several sessions. By the next summer, though, the stutter was gone: Rabbi Belsky had worked with him over the school year.

Twenty years ago, one Masmid went on a hike with Rabbi

Belsky and other campers to the top of a mountain. There, the boy dehydrated. In the days before cellphones and without radios to call for help, Rabbi Belsky lifted the boy onto his shoulders and carried him down the mountain, saving his life.

A bochur left yeshiva at 16 and

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business being a rebbe.

Rabbi Belsky also represented the rebbeim to the Torah Vodaath board to make sure that they were cared for before yom tov and to ensure that their voices were heard.

As a true manhig, he looked out for the good of the tzibbur and the individual. When the Iron Curtain fell, Rabbi Belsky taught himself Russian. He started by focusing on nursery rhymes, the way, he said, a child would learn.

This also opened up Russian culture and cultural references and understandings. Because of this, he became the father of American Russian Jewry: they arrived on American shores, and Rabbi Belsky could understand them and their needs.

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36

TJH !

Centerfold

You gotta be

kidding

Over breakfast one morning, Marlene says to her husband, Isaac, “I’ll bet you don’t know what day this is.”

“Of course I do!” answers Isaac, as if he is offended.

Isaac then says goodbye to his wife and goes to work.

At 10:00 a.m., the doorbell rings. Marlene opens it and there is a delivery of a dozen long stemmed red roses. At 1:00 p.m., a foil-wrapped, two-pound box of her favorite chocolates is delivered. Later, a boutique delivers a designer dress.

When Isaac comes home, he says with a big grin, “So Marlene, how was your day?”

“First the flowers, then the chocolates and then the dress!” exclaims Marlene. “I’ve never had a more wonderful Groundhog Day in my life!”

?

Riddle me this?

Sara’s new house number has three digits.

When she challenged her friends to guess it, they guessed the numbers: 135, 780, 785, and 732.

“That’s amazing,” Sara said. “You’ve each guessed exactly one digit correctly and in its right place!”

What is Sara’s house number?

See answer on opposite page

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Football Speak D I had pro offers from the Detroit Lions and Green Bay Packers, who were pretty hard up for linemen in those days. If I had gone into professional football the name Jerry Ford might have been a household word today. President Gerald Ford D I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, whichever comes first. - Saints RB, George Rogers D I’ve been big ever since I was little. - Refrigerator Perry

D Most football players are temperamental. That’s 90 percent temper and 10 percent mental. Doug Plank, former Chicago Bears player and football coach D Rapport? You mean like, “You run as fast as you can, and I’ll throw it as far as I can?” - QB Jeff Kemp on his rapport with WR Jerry Rice D I feel like I’m the best, but you’re not going to get me to say that. - Jerry Rice

D Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein. - Joe Theismann D You guys line up alphabetically by height.

- Houston Oilers Head Coach Bill Peterson D Men, I want you just thinking of one word all season. One word and one word only: Super Bowl.

- Houston Oilers Head Coach Bill Peterson

The Jewish Home | OCTOBER 29, 2015

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Denver-Carolina Trivia

3. Which college did Peyton Manning play for? a. Ohio State University b. University of Florida c. University of Tennessee d. Virginia Tech University

5. Within a one-year span, Cam Newton was awarded the

6. What is Denver’s Super Bowl record in the 7 Super Bowls that they played in? a. 6-1 b. 5-2 c. 3-4 d. 2-5 7. In their only prior Super Bowl appearance, in Super Bowl XXXVIII, the Carolina Panthers played the New England Patriots.

Answers 1. B 2. C 3. C 4. D 5. F 6. D 7. A 8. B Game Key: 6-8 Correct – Cut it out with that victory dance…

UNSPORTSMANLIKE CONDUCT…15 YARD PENALTY! 3-5 Correct – You get a participation trophy.

0-2 Correct – Too many concussions?

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4. Peyton Manning is 1-2 in the Super Bowl. Which one did he win? a. 40 b. 38 c. 39 d. 41

Heisman Trophy, won a national championship, and become the first overall pick in an NFL draft.

Which other current NFL players can say the same thing? a. Aaron Rogers b. Tom Brady c. Adrian Peterson d. Peyton Manning e. Ben Roethlisberger f. None

8. In what year did the Panthers join the NFL? a. 1992 b. 1995 c. 1999 d. 2002

Answer to riddle: 182 The first digit must be 1 or 7. It can’t be 7 as only one digit is correct in each guess. So it’s 1. The other digits in guess #1

2. Which of the following colleges did Cam Newton not play for? a. Auburn b. Blinn College c. Georgia Tech d. University of Florida

What was the final score in their Super Bowl XXXVIII appearance? a. New England 32 - Carolina 29 b. Carolina 32 - New England 29 c. Carolina 28 - New England 14 d. New England 21- Carolina 9

FEBRUARY 4, 2016

1. How is Denver’s quarterback’s first name spelled? (Warning: If you look to any of the following questions to answer this one, you are DISQUALIFIED!) a. Payton b. Peyton c. Paiton d. Peiton

THE BALTIMORE JEWISH HOME

*

(i.e. 3 and 5) must be incorrect. Therefore, from guess #3, the second digit is 8. Guess #4 has a correct digit which must be its third: 2.

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FEBRUARY 4, 2016

38

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“And you shall be holy people to Me, and flesh torn in the field you shall not eat; you shall throw it to the dog[s] (Exodus 22:30).”

Among the various laws concerning property, damages and interpersonal conduct the Torah tells us the law of the “treyfa;” the animal killed by another. This animal which died without proper shechita (ritual slaughter) is prohibited for consumption. But why must the Torah state, “you shall throw it to the dog?” As long as I don’t eat of the carcass what does it matter what I do with it? Why must the Torah tell me how to dispose of the dead animal?

Rashi explains, that the Torah is teaching us that God does not “forget” to reward even the smallest of His creations. The Torah tells us that when the Jewish people left Egypt, “no dog shall whet its tongue against man or beast (Exodus 11:7).” The dogs did not bark on that momentous night of the exodus and as a reward, God commands us to the give the carcass to the dog.

There is another approach. The Chizkuni (Chizkiyah ben Manoach, 13th century French Rabbi) and the Daas Zikeynim (commentary of the Tosafists) make an interesting observation. The Torah does not say, L’Kelev, which would translate as “to a dog,” rather, it says, “La’Kelev,” which translates as “to the dog.” To which dog is the Torah referring? The sheepdog; the dog that was supposed to guard the flock. The “treyfa” occurs because a predatory animal infiltrated the flock and the dog that was supposed to ward off such an attack did not perform its job. And so, God says, “give the torn flesh to the dog who was supposed to be guarding the flock.” But why? Why should I reward the dog for failing? The commentaries explain that in this moment when your trusted companion failed you, try to remember all of the times he came through. This dog may have protected your livestock for weeks, months,

maybe even years without fail. This dog did its job on so many previous occasions. In this moment of failure, remember your canine companion’s accomplishments.

I believe the Torah is teaching us an incredible lesson in human relationships. If there is one thing that is a surety in our life relationships it is that the people we love will inevitably fail us at some point. Sometimes, the failures are major and irreparable and other times they are minor and can be addressed. Relationships between human beings cannot escape the reality of human error and finitude. It is often in these moments of failure that we become fully focused on the relationship trespass in front of us and lose sight and perspective of all that came before. We become fully absorbed in our present pain and we forget that this other person has been compassionate, loving and nurturing to me in the past. A husband and wife have an argument and each becomes so consumed by the anger and resentment of the present that they forget the beautiful memories, they forget the times when the other was supportive and loving. One mistake, one misstep by one spouse can sometimes cause the other to overlook and “forget” about so much good. A friend is unable to be there for me in a time of need or says something I don’t like and in a moment a meaningful bond of friendship is broken. No attention is given to the relationship history – we make our decisions based on the here and now. We are present-focused beings who often lose site of the historical continuum of our relationships.

God commands us to remember the commitment and dedication of the sheepdog in the very moment he fails me. I give him the meat as a token of my appreciation for all he has done for me and my flock.

Let us find the strength to remember and appreciate the good, the love and the commitment of the people in our lives even during the moments of failure, hurt and pain.

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Health & F tness

By Hylton I. Lightman, MD, DCH, FAAP

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The Facts about Zika

FEBRUARY 4, 2016

T

Polynesia, and in 2015, to Mexico, Central America, the Caribbean and South America, where it is now reaching pandemic levels. In May 2015, the Pan American Health Organization (PAHO) issued an alert regarding the first confirmed Zika virus infection in Brazil. The outbreak in Brazil led to reports of Guillain-Barré syndrome and pregnant women giving birth to babies with birth defects, especially small heads, and other poor pregnancy outcomes.

Unfortunately, there is no vaccine at present to prevent Zika nor medication to treat it.

Until more is known, the Center for Disease Control (CDC) recommends that women who are pregnant or are trying to become pregnant should consider postponing travel to the areas where the Zika virus transmission is ongoing. Women who travel to one of these areas should talk to their physician or other healthcare provider first and follow the steps to avoid mosquito bites during the trip (http://wwwnc.cdc.gov/travel/ page/avoid-bug-bites).

Using an insect repellent is safe and effective when travelling through Zika-affected areas. This is a viable option for pregnant women and nursing mothers, provided the repellent is EPA-registered and used according the directions on the package.

What happens if you travel to a Zika-affected area and you think you may have contracted the virus? See your healthcare provider if you are pregnant and develop a fever, rash, joint pain, or red eyes within 2 weeks after traveling to a country where Zika virus cases have been reported. Be sure to tell your healthcare provider where you traveled.

Because specific areas where the Zika virus transmission is ongoing are difficult to determine and likely to change, the CDC will update this travel notice as information becomes available. Consult http:// w w w nc .c dc .gov/t ravel/page/z ika-information.

The CDC has issued guidance for physicians called the Interim Guidelines for the Evaluation and testing

of Infants with Possible Congenital Zika Virus Infection. Further, our office (Total Family Care) is in daily contact with the New York City Department of Health as well as the CDC about the latest developments.

The U.S. and international governments worldwide are pushing forward with a Zika vaccine, as are three pharmaceutical companies.

At present, no vaccine is imminent.

As always, pray. Pray for excellent health. Pray an appropriate vaccine is developed in a timely manner. No prayer goes unanswered.

Questions? Please feel free to email me at drlightman@totalfamilycaremd.com.

Dr. Hylton Lightman is a pediatrician and Medical Director of Total Family Care of the 5 Towns and Rockaway PC. He can be reached at www.total familycaremd.com, on Instagram at #lightmanpeds or visit him on Facebook.

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he phone was ringing off the hook even before Margaret Chan, Director General of the World Health Organization (WHO), announced this week that a disease linked to the Zika virus in Latin America is posing a world health threat. In fact, WHO’s announcement puts Zika into the same category of threat as the Ebola virus.

Let’s inhale and exhale slowly while we provide you with the facts.

The Zika virus is spread to people through mosquito bites. The most common symptoms of Zika virus disease are fever, rash, joint pain, and conjunctivitis (red eyes). The illness is usually mild with symptoms lasting from several days to a week. Severe disease requiring hospitalization is uncommon.

Zika virus, which is related to dengue, yellow fever, Japanese encephalitis, and West Nile viruses, is not new. Since the 1950s, it has occurred within a narrow equatorial belt from Africa to Asia. In 2014, the disease spread across the Pacific Ocean to French

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40

Florida Dining Guide

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For those of you who are enjoying time off in sunny Florida, we miss you. But in between walks on the boardwalk and laps in the pool, make sure to check out these wonderful restaurants for lunch or dinner (or anytime in between!). Call before you go; these places fill up fast!

26 Sushi & Tapas 9487 Harding Avenue Surfside, FL 33154 (305) 570-2626

Butcher Block Grill 7000 West Camino Real Boca Raton, FL 334344 (561) 409-3035

Asi’s Grill & Sushi Bar 4020 Royal Palm Avenue (Off of 41st St.) Miami Beach, FL 33140 (305) 604-0555

Café Vert 9490 Harding Ave Surfside, FL 33154 (305) 867-3151

Asia Boca Raton 7600 W. Camino Real (off Powerline Rd.) Boca Raton, FL 33433 (561) 544-8100 Backyard BBQ and Brew 9460 Harding Ave Surfside, FL 33154 (305) 763-8818 Bagel Time 3915 Alton Road Miami Beach, FL 33140 (305) 538-0300 Beyond by Shemtov’s 514 West 41st Street Miami Beach, FL 33140 (305) 538-2123

Capri Sushi & Italian 726 - 41st Street Miami Beach, FL 33140 (305) 534-0551 Carlos & Gabby’s Miami 740 West 41 Street Miami Beach, FL 33140 (786) 276-1212 Chai Wok 1688 N.E. 164th Street N. Miami Beach, FL 33162 (305) 705-2110 China Beach 3919 Alton Rd. Miami Beach, FL 33140 (305) 534-3034

China Bistro 3565 NE 207th Street (The Waterways) Aventura, FL 33180 (305) 936-0755 China Kikar Tel Aviv 5005 Collins Avenue (In Carriage Club North) Miami Beach, FL 33140 (305) 866-3316

Grand Cafe Espresso Bar 2905 Stirling Rd Hollywood, FL 33312 (954) 986-6860 Grill House 976 41st Street (off Alton Road) Miami Beach, FL 33140 (305) 674-9005

Cine Citta Cafe 9544 Harding Avenue Surfside, FL 33154 (305) 866-8688

Grill Time North Miami 16145 Biscayne Blvd (just south of 163rd Street) North Miami Beach, FL 33160 (786) 274-8935

Dunkin Donuts 341 W. 41st St. in Miami Beach 3951 Stirling Road in Dania Beach (Hollywood)

Holy Bagels & Pizzeria 15903 Biscayne Blvd North Miami Beach, FL 33160 (305) 940-4402

Fresko 19048 NE 29 Avenue Aventura, FL 33180 (786) 272-3737

House of Dog Boca Raton 21077 Powerline Rd Boca Raton, FL 33433 (561) 826-9376

Fuego by Mana 3585 NE 207 Street Aventura, FL 33180 (786) 520-4082

House of Dog 456 W 41st Street Miami Beach, FL 33140 (305) 397-8733

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Kikar Tel Aviv 5005 Collins Avenue Miami Beach, FL 33140 (305) 866-3316

Picasso Pizza 4051 Stirling Road Davie (Hollywood), FL 33314 (754) 300-5875

Kosh Miami 9477 Harding Ave Surfside, FL 33154 (305) 763-8601

Pita Hut Miami Beach 530 41 Street Miami Beach, FL 33140 (305) 531-6090

Kosher Gourmet 7508 Universal Blvd.

Orlando, FL 32819 (407) 354-1296

Pita Hut North Miami Beach 18450 West Dixie Hwy North Miami Beach, FL 33160 (305) 792-0821

Lenny’s Pizza 544 Arthur Godfrey Rd. Miami Beach, FL 33140 (305) 397-8395

Rare Steakhouse 4101 Pine Tree Drive (off 41st Street in Tower 41) Miami Beach, FL 33140 (305) 532-7273

Mexico Bravo 16850 Collins Ave Sunny Isles, FL 33160 (305) 948-1158 Mozart Cafe Boca Raton 7300 West Camino Real Boca Raton, FL 33433 (561) 367-3412 Mozart Café Sunny Isles 18110 Collins Avenue Sunny Isles, FL 33160 (305) 974-0103

Rustiko 9476 Harding Ave Surfside, FL 33154 (305) 560-5650 Seventeen Restaurant 1205 17th Street Miami Beach, FL 33139 (305) 672-0565 Shalom Haifa 18533 West Dixie Highway North Miami Beach, FL 33183 (305) 936-1800 Soho Asian Bar and Grill 19004 NE 29th Avenue Aventura, FL 33180 (305) 466-5656

The Harbour Grill 9415 Harding Ave Surfside, FL 33154 (305) 861-0787

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Lower East Side Restaurant 8548 Palm Parkway Orlando, FL 32836 (407) 465-0565

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FEBRUARY 4, 2016

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The Jewish Home | OCTOBER 29, 2015

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FEBRUARY 4, 2016

Parenting Pearls

A Philosophical Perspective

B A LT I M O R E J E W I S H H O M E . C O M

The Home-School Relationship

By Rabbi Dani Staum, LMSW

M

alka wasn’t sure how to proceed.

Her nine-year-old daughter Chavi was coming home from school complaining that her teacher didn’t explain things, and that she was being mean to her. At first Malka encouraged Chavi to pay more attention in class, but as time wore on Malka found that when she did math homework with Chavi, Chavi didn’t know it.

Chavi claimed her teacher was throwing her out of her

class for no reason. “Three girls besides me were giggling because of a joke Rikki said in class, but only I got sent out. See, Mrs. Feinberg doesn’t like me!”

Malka was upset. She had never gotten reports before that Chavi was misbehaving. She called her neighbor and told her the story, adding that she planned to call the principal. “I can’t allow this teacher to pick on my daughter!” The neighbor listened patiently and replied,

“You know I am a teacher.

All I can say is it’s only fair that you call the teacher first. There are two sides to every story, and I have a hunch that, despite her look of complete sincerity, Chavi may be leaving out some key details.”

THE PARENTTEACHER ALLIANCE A child is affected primarily by four relationships: Parent-Child (the level of

love and security that the child feels at home, his responsibilities and contributions to the family), Teacher-Child (being an effective student, being able to successfully learn and master classroom m material), Peer Relationships (social skills), and Parent-Teacher.

How “on par” the parents and teachers are will affect the child’s ability to learn and be nurtured academically. If they are working against each other, the

child’s ability to learn and grow from that teacher will be severely hampered.

Parent-teacher conflicts sometimes emerge because of differing philosophies about how children should be taught. Some parents believe their philosophies are better than those held by their children’s teachers. The parents may be right; the teachers may also be right.

The real problem occurs when teachers and parents are not able to respect each

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son all year, and when we met he only had the highest words of praise for me and for what I taught.” The rebbe added that the same held true for when he taught one of the daughters of Rav Shmuel Kamenesky, shlita.

“SCHOOL IS AN OGRE”

This idea applies to the parent-school relationship as well. When a parent berates

very hard time with self-control and seemed to becoming progressively worse as the year wore on. At home he was completely out of control and his parents could not handle his outlandish behavior. In school his teachers worked hard to set firm limits with tough love and consequences and were starting to see remarkable improvement. But after some time, Peretz had a regression.

It turned out that Peretz’s mother, who was a softie and couldn’t handle disciplining her son, was talking negatively about the school’s rigid approach with her “sweet son.” She would constantly call the teachers to complain about their tactics with her son standing nearby.

The next day Peretz would grandly announce that he didn’t have to do the assignment because his mother had called. The mother had sabotaged the school’s

he overheard his mother on the phone with the menahel clearly stating in no uncertain terms that the rebbe should not have potched her child. The mechanech related that his mother did not think he would overhear the conversation. Although his mother disagreed with what the rebbe did, she immediately backed up the rebbe.

Only then did she call the menahel to voice her protest. The rebbe should not have done what he did, but her son still had to respect him and learn from him each day.

As in the original story, parents should bear in mind that they are hearing what goes on in school from their child’s biased perspective. Before a parent calls a teacher or school to complain, they would be wise to investigate fully what is really happening and also to ask the teacher before drawing

FEBRUARY 4, 2016

Children need to hear messages which convey respect and value not only the teacher but also the material being taught.

a teacher or a school they too can create a situation where the school/teacher “becomes an ogre.” A child cannot be expected to learn from an ogre.

A mother who tells her child, “Just remember that no matter what they say/ do to you in school, we will always love you” when the school is trying its hardest to accommodate and work with the child has severely hampered the school’s ability to effectively educate her son because the child feels the school is against him/her.

Peretz, a second grader, was a sweet boy but had a

efforts because of her misplaced sympathy. What was more incredible was that she didn’t see the correlation between her behavior and his terrible behavior at home!

Just as in a good marriage, a united front between the home and school is vital.

A veteran mechanech related that when he was a child his rebbe once potched him for something that happened in yeshiva. When he came home and told his mother what occurred, she immediately reprimanded him and then sent him up to his room for disturbing class. A few minutes later

conclusions.

Malky was still debating about who to call in the school the next evening when she received a phone call from Chavi’s teacher. The teacher mentioned that she was concerned and wanted Malky’s help as the math work they were learning was becoming increasingly complicated it seemed to get harder for Chavi.

Although the teacher tried to help her, Chavi became frustrated and started to give up. She began to become restless and increasingly disturb the class. The teacher tried to overlook it

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Educator and author Sylvia Rimm discusses a concept she calls, “Father is an Ogre, Mother is an Ogre”.

This occurs when one parent is made to feel powerless and like an outcast in regards to raising his/her children.

For example, a father has a temper problem and whenever he loses it, the children know they can go to their mother to complain. The mother sympathizes with her children and tells them that they need to understand that their father has a temper issue and they need to bear with him. Without realizing it she has unwittingly completely undermined his authority. This situation repeats itself until the father becomes the “negative parent,” left scratching his head about where he went wrong in regards to raising his children.

The opposite is also true, where the father turns the mother into an ogre. For example, the mother is a stickler for neatness and gets upset at the children when they leave things strewn around.

When they come to their father, he rolls his eyes and says, “Oh, you know your mother. Let’s pick it up so she doesn’t yell at us again.”

To avoid such pitfalls, parents must always back each other, even if one makes a mistake. For example, a father asks his son to clean his room and the boy does not do it. The son then comes to his mother to complain that his father gave him a whole tirade just because he “for-

got” to clean his room. If the mother says, “Oh I’m sorry.

Your father’s just having a bad day,” it will give the son permission to avoid responsibility. Instead, the mother should respond, “Your father is upset because he knows you can really do the job, and he’s disappointed that you didn’t do it. Why don’t you go out there and show him that you can do the job?

After all, you wouldn’t want your father to think you’re irresponsible. If you had done the job immediately, he wouldn’t have had to yell.”

(This is not to say that the mother cannot gently discuss the matter with her husband at a later point when the child is not present. But in front of the child, he must know that his parents have a team effort.)

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other’s approach, because that can undermine the united parent-teacher front.

Consider that your children are sitting in the classroom and are faced with tasks or assignments – some are interesting, some not-so-interesting, some tiresome, and some repetitive. If they’ve received the message from you that these aren’t worthwhile projects, why would your children consider it important to fulfill the teacher’s expectations? They know they can come home and find an empathetic ear from their mother or father who basically agrees that the assignment was inappropriate to their interest or intelligence, their use of time, or for some other reason. They will be quick to call it boring.

Children need to hear messages which convey respect and value not only the teacher but also the material being taught. Children are extremely perceptive and can realize when their parents don’t respect or value their studies. Teachers also quickly realize when a parent has a lack of regard for what they are teaching. That child can become defiant and brazen, feeling that parental backing.

A rebbe related that years ago he was a guest at a Shabbos table and after one of the children presented something he had learned in class at the table, the father dismissed it and emphatically declared that his rebbe was wrong. Later during the meal the rebbe mentioned that in his early years as a rebbe in Philadelphia he had had one of Rav Elya Svei’s sons in his Gemara class. The host smiled, “Boy, Rav Elya must have taken you apart.” The rebbe replied, “Actually, I know for a fact that he never challenged anything I taught his

B A LT I M O R E J E W I S H H O M E . C O M

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44 and would send her out to get papers from the office or other things she needed. But then Chavi wouldn’t come back, and if she did, she would disrupt the class with

their help in bringing out the best in our children. Anger and threats will hardly help foster that necessary working relationship.

Parents get the best re-

a teacher is to discuss our child’s issues and to resolve them.

Teaching can be a thankless and underappreciated job. Everyone appreciates

Like a good spouse, a school must be viewed as an eizer k’negdo – a helpmate – to bolster and boost the education process of the home.

silly comments. The teacher really wanted to see if there was a way to get her back on track.

WORKING TOGETHER Parent’s often make two mistakes when talking with teachers: We tell the teacher what to do: When we demand things of a teacher the underlying message is that the teacher is not competent enough to figure this out by himself/herself.

We go in with threats: No one wants to help out when they feel they are being manipulated or bullied.

Why do parents threaten teachers? When we discuss our children we are discussing the bearers of our dreams, those who will carry on our legacies. It is hard not to become emotionally involved, especially when our child is not performing as much as he is able.

When we talk to teachers there is also an underlying component of fear emerging from within us. We are afraid for our child’s future.

But we are uncomfortable displaying fear, so we sometimes mask it with anger and blame.

We need to remind ourselves that our children’s teachers have the same goals as we do and that we need

sults with teachers when they describe! Describing is beneficial because it is nonjudgmental. Its message is “I am merely telling you what I see and my interpretation of it. You have full right to disagree.”

One of the best ways to demonstrate respect for another person’s opinions is to ask for their advice. It’s helpful to say to a teacher, “I’d like to get your thoughts about that.” That gives the teacher the assurance that we are confident in his/her capabilities as a teacher and advisor. We are able to get the best results and help from a teacher when we don’t put them on the defense. In addition, more often than not the teacher has some valuable insight into our child.

Another approach is to ask, “What options do we have in this situation?” This demonstrates to the teacher that we are open and interested in suggestions. Parents who utilize this technique find teachers to be more friendly and helpful.

Effective communication takes place only when people are convinced that the other person is truly listening to them. Both parents and teachers need to be confident that their opinions and perceptions are being heard.

Our chief mission with

compliments.

Teachers hardly get them. If our objective is to get our children’s teachers to become allies, thanking them and noting our appreciation at various points of the year will go a long way.

An educator once commented, “There should never be a vast divide between school life and home life.

Every kid is partly homeschooled and every kid is partly school-homed!”

RAV HIRSCH’S PERSPECTIVE ON THE HOMESCHOOL ALLIANCE Rabbi Samson Rafael Hirsch zt”l explains that there are two forms of education involved in child-rearing: Spiritual Education and Moral Education.

Spiritual education means training a child’s spirit, infusing him with knowledge so that he knows how to act, and what is expected of him. Essentially, it is about teaching him how to live like a Jew day-to-day. This form of education is accomplished with formal education, i.e. schooling.

Moral education refers to parental upbringing. This component is far more difficult because it must be individualized. To develop a moral and ethical person you must “speak” to his soul. The

goal of moral education is to develop the child’s strengths and personality, to develop an awareness of who he is as a person, and to build his awareness of who he is as a contributing valuable member of klal Yisroel.

In short: “Spiritual education is what I know; moral education is who I am!”

Rav Hirsch adds that being “good” is not a science but rather an art; an art of control, inhibition, how one exercises his bechira and what he does.

Moral education must be informal. Writing it on the board and verbalizing it in classrooms will do nothing to infuse it into the child’s spirit. It must be demonstrated and shown by example so the child learns through observation.

Therefore, a school rebbe or teacher can never fully or adequately teach moral education. They can assist and boost an already existing process but they can’t teach it completely. That’s because it must be role modeled and taught to the person himself – not in a generic manner.

The Kotzker Rebbe once commented in his inimitable witty manner, “If I am I because I am I and you are you because you are you, than I am I and you are you. But if I am I only because you are you, and you are you only because I am I , than I am not I and you are not you!”

We have to develop our own sense of self and uniqueness and not just be superficial people who do everything that everybody else does so that we don’t stick out! That can only result from moral education.

Recently, I overheard a conversation where someone told his rabbi that our schools need to place greater emphasis on kibbud av va’aim, because there is such a dearth of respect. The rab-

bi smiled and replied that although we can always do more, that’s not the real solution. The fact is that most schools do have such programs in place but there is a limit to how much those programs can accomplish.

The real question is how do the parents act toward their own parents? More importantly, what is the shalom bayis like in the home? How do spouses treat and speak to each other in front of their children? When parents respect each other, then the children will do so as well!

Parents often devote too much time to spiritual education. Their primary focus should be on moral education. Parents pay so much tuition and they should trust the school to educate our child. They should rather focus their main efforts on guiding their children by developing their personalities and strengths because a school cannot adequately accomplish that.

A school is a microcosm of life. Like a good spouse, a school must be viewed as an eizer k’negdo – a helpmate – to bolster and boost the education process of the home.

Parents should maintain overwhelming focus on moral education and schools should maintain their main focus on spiritual education.

Part of the problem is that today those lines become befuddled. Schools today are forced to teach more moral education because it seems to be lacking in certain homes, even though it’s not the optimal approach.

Rabbi Staum is the Rabbi of Kehillat New Hempstead, and Rebbe/Guidance Counselor in Yeshiva Bais Hachinuch and Ashar in Monsey, N.Y. He can be reached at stamtorah@gmail. com. His website is www.stamtorah.info.

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Real Estate

Submitted by: Ben Schwartz | Founder VacancyFillers.com

That is why I have come up with 9 snow removal tricks and tips. If you’re expecting snow, you may want to read on.

2. Buy A Good Shovel We understand the desire to buy a cheap shovel. After all, we don’t really use it year-round, so why fork over all that money? Well, once those first few inches hit your driveway, you’ll be thankful you purchased the right shovel.

Its recommended to buy a shovel with a medium-sized plastic or aluminum blade with a nonstick finish.

While larger shovels may seem logical, it will bring back and arm stiffness later on. S-shaped shovels are good for removing heavy snowfall

3. Protect Extremities From Frostbite Skin exposed to cold weather is the most prone to frostbite. Typically, the extremities—including the ears, nose, fingers, and toes—are most at risk. So wear a warm winter hat that covers your ears, a scarf that shelters your mouth and nose, and mittens that shied your hands and fingers from frostbite.

Also, waterproof, winter boots should protect your feet and ankles from wetness and provide traction on slippery surfaces.

4. Lift With Your Legs Remember, even if you have a strong back, the cold temperatures will increase the risk of a muscle pull. So push with your shovel, don’t lift, and if you do have to scoop and toss snow onto a pile, use your legs and not your back to support the heavy load. Also, avoid a muscle strain by twisting away suddenly from the direction your facing to toss snow over your shoulder.

5. Pace Yourself After months of inactivity, you wouldn’t run a 5K race without stopping, would you? That might seem ridiculous, but so is a strenuous hour of shoveling a driveway. Basically, each scoop of snow is a weight, and even though you’re eager to get back inside where its warm, you should never risk your health or an injury to get the job done faster.

6. Shovel Often We understand that shoveling is a hassle, tiring and just plain boring.

As a result, many wait until there are at least a few inches of snow until we

shovel. Do your best to fight the urge and shovel as often as you can. When snow starts to pile up and temperatures drop below freezing, it tends to stick or freeze to your driveway, walkway and sidewalk. In fact, even with cold temperatures above freezing, it can still stick. Stop it in its tracks by shoveling before it gets a chance to stick. Sticky snow brings ice and that is exactly what we are trying to avoid.

7. Salt Everything Even if we shovel as often as possible, ice will undoubtedly make its way around your yard. As a result, shovels just won’t cut it. You must attack ice with salt, sand or kitty litter. As most Americans tend to lean towards salt, rock salt is the cheapest and very accessible across the market. Sadly, it does not work when the temperature drops below 12°F and can eat away at your concrete. If you want to avoid a hefty driveway repair bill, I highly recommend using rock salt in moderation. For colder areas of the country, look into magnesium chloride or calcium chloride.

8. Snow Blowers U n s u r p r i s i n g l y, snow blowers get rid of snow faster than any other method mentioned in this article. If you’re expecting up to one and a half inches of snow every day this winter, it may be time to invest in a snow blower. However, as you might expect, your typical snow blower costs more than salt or an average shovel.

They range in price from $50 all the way up to $500.

9. Do Not Place Snow Near Foundation Your foundation and walls are vital in preventing frozen pipes. Therefore, piling snow around your home is not only dangerous for frozen pipes, but once it freezes, it could cause major cracks in your foundation. Foundation repairs are never cheap and homeowners across the country should do whatever they can to avoid these expensive repairs.

Are you wasting time, money and patience trying to find a tenant for your vacant property? Are you constantly being distracted from you family and career, and stressed because you are not getting results from your current placement efforts? VacancyFillers.com can help!

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STAIMAN DESIGN 410-580-0100 info@staiman.com www.staiman.com

B A LT I M O R E J E W I S H H O M E . C O M

1. Put Tall Stakes Around Driveway, Walkway & Sidewalk It is vital to put large stakes on the outskirts of your driveway, walkway and sidewalk. These helpful reminders show you and your snow plow company where to shovel, plow and melt.

While it may be obvious for you to locate your driveway, the same cannot be said of your snow removal service.

They plow hundreds of streets and driveways and as you know, not all are the same. Make it easy to find your driveway or you could be faced with a ruined yard come spring.

Looking for some help? According to our snow removal cost estimator, the average price to professionally remove snow is $189.

and C-shaped shovels are better for pushing and removing light, fluffy snow. For those in the East and Midwest, make sure you own an s-shaped shovel.

FEBRUARY 4, 2016

Snow removal is perhaps the most intense and time-consuming chore many of us have to endure every winter, but sadly, it’s also one of the most necessary. Without proper snow removal tricks, you could miss your driveway, slip as you grab the mail or sadly, ruin your curb appeal once all that white fluff disappears.

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9 Snow Removal Tips

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FEBRUARY 4, 2016

Notable Quotes “Say What?!”

THE BALTIMORE JEWISH HOME

The current president of the United States, when he tells us that Britain should remain in the EU … when the U.S. has an open border with Mexico, and they have a court that can overrule the Supreme Court in the United States, then maybe they can start giving us some advice.

- Former Secretary of Defense in the United Kingdom, Dr. Liam Fox

Trump is the leading GOP votegetter tonight among naturalborn American candidates.

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There was more than 2 feet of snow in Washington, D.C., and New York. All nonessential federal workers in Washington, D.C., were told to stay home today. How do you know if you’re nonessential? Do they call you? “Steve, I have some good news and some bad news. Good news is you have the day off today. Bad news, you’re worthless.”

- Trump supporter Ann Coulter after Ted Cruz finished first in Iowa

In the West, we have probably hit peak stuff.

We talk about peak oil. I’d say we’ve hit peak red meat, peak sugar, peak stuff ... peak home furnishings.

– Jimmy Kimmel

-Steve Howard, head of sustainability for Swedish retailer Ikea

Particularly in American society today, but maybe business society generally, you’ve got a glorification of folks who say, “Oh, I only sleep three to four hours a night” – which is dead wrong. That’s the wrong philosophy… Those of us who do sleep should be proud of saying we sleep. It’s really important to make sure you get that sleep.

A new poll shows that in Florida Donald Trump has the support of nearly 50 percent of Republican voters. However, since it’s Florida, at least 25 percent of those voters probably won’t make it till Election Day.

.- Marriott CEO Arne Sorenson at the annual World Economic Forum meeting in Davos

Ben of Ben & Jerry’s has come out with an ice cream inspired by Bernie Sanders. A carton costs $3.99 but when you include tax, it’s $200 million.

– Conan O’Brien

I’m not a robot. I do the best that I can. I try to win every point but realistically I can’t. Maybe someone else can.

- Serena Williams, after losing at the Australian Open

– Conan O’Brien

Declaring war on China’s currency?

Ha ha.

— Headline in the People’s Daily, the official newspaper of the Chinese Communist Party, warning billionaire George Soros not to bet against the renminbi and Hong Kong dollar

MORE QUOTES

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I thought one of these days we should get “none of the above” on the ballot.

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- Sheldon Bergson, who had his name legally changed to “Above Znoneofthe” before announcing his run for the Ontario legislature

Donald Trump said that Ted Cruz is a liar who looks like a jerk. Not to be confused with Trump, who is a jerk who looks like a liar.

– Seth Myers

– Conan O’Brien

I was stabbed, and now I’m going to join the army and give it my all.

I think the death penalty should be appropriate for people who kill Mainers. We should give them an injection of the stuff they sell. What we ought to do is bring the guillotine back… I like French history.

- Maine Gov. Paul LePage during a radio interview, talking about what to do to people who traffic drugs in his state

–A 17-year-old Brooklyn teenager who recently moved to Israel in an interview with Ynetnews while recovering from being stabbed in a terrorist attack

Obama even appeared on Jerry Seinfeld’s show, “Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee.” How about less “comedians in cars getting coffee” and more “presidents in the White House getting legislation passed through both houses of Congress.”

Is it really necessary to immediately mention he had a Quran? Would they mention if he had a Bible?

– James Corden

The next president can honor the simple notion that nobody is above the law, but it will happen only if voters demand it.

- Tweet by Sen. Elizabeth Warren (D-MA) , who is often mentioned as a possible replacement for Hillary Clinton if she were to be indicted

Ted Cruz has been joined on the campaign trail by former candidate Gov. Rick Perry. So in other words, Ted Cruz is the No. 1 choice of the guy who was nobody’s choice.

- Imam Mohamad Adam el-Sheikh, who served for eighteen years at the mosque that President Obama visited this week, in a 2004 interview with the Washington Post about Palestinian suicide bombers

Some scientists say it’s theoretically possible that there may be a universe where time moves backwards. So finally, some good news for Lakers fans.

– Conan O’Brien

– Conan O’Brien

MORE QUOTES

B A LT I M O R E J E W I S H H O M E . C O M

- Tweet by John Haltiwanger, senior politics writer for Elite Daily, a leftwing website, after a Muslim man was arrested at a Disneyland Paris hotel with two handguns, ammunition and a Koran

If certain Muslims are to be cornered where they cannot defend themselves, except through these kinds of means, and their local religious leaders issued fatwas to permit that, then it becomes acceptable as an exceptional rule, but should not be taken as a principle.

FEBRUARY 4, 2016

Ben of Ben & Jerry’s is coming out with an ice cream for Bernie Sanders called “Bernie’s Yearning.” It’s selling a lot better than Jerry’s ice cream for Hillary, “Pantsuit Email Crunch.”

JANUARY 28, 2016 | The Jewish Home

Jewish History

Amulets, Accusations and Controversy

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The Devastating Polemic Between Rabbi Yaakov Emden and Rabbi Yonason Eybeschutz

By Rabbi Pini Dunner

Part I

T B A LT I M O R E J E W I S H H O M E . C O M

R’ Yonason Eybeschutz’s tombstone in Hamburg. He was the Chief Rabbi of the “triple community,” Hamburg-Altona-Wansbeck, from 1750 until his death in 1764

he atmosphere in the room was somber and tense. The elderly rabbi lay on a rickety bed, surrounded by family and a handful of close friends, his breathing labored, his wrinkled face sunken and pale. This wasn’t just any elderly rabbi; this was one of Europe’s most influential rabbinic figures, Rabbi Yaakov Emden, and these were his final moments. At seventy-eight years old he had reached a ripe old age. He had outlived two of his three wives and most of his twenty children. Once a wealthy and successful businessman, his fortunes had reversed and just a year earlier he was compelled to seek assistance from the community fund.

His health had been in decline for some time, and waning eyesight had ultimately resulted in total blindness, denying him his one remaining pleasure – reading and studying the numerous books in his private library.

It was April 19, and the year was 1776. For more than a quarter of a century all of R’ Yaakov Emden’s energy had been devoted and dedicated to just one thing – ensuring that

every G-d-fearing Jew was aware of the fact that the Chief Rabbi of Hamburg and revered rabbinic leader, Rabbi Yonason Eybeschutz, was not the devout Jew he purported himself to be but was in fact a secret believer in the false messiah, Shabbetai Tzvi, and that he had cunningly insinuated Sabbatian heresy into mainstream Jewish life.

R’ Yonason Eybeschutz had already been dead for twelve years.

But his demise had not halted R’ Yaakov’s campaign. In fact, it seemed only to have increased its ferocity. R’ Yaakov was absolutely determined that the man he considered the epitome of evil would never be lionized nor adulated. Even as R’ Yonason was being buried twelve years earlier R’ Yaakov delivered a “eulogy” in which he accused him of religious deviancy and worse, astounding his audience with the vehemence of his denouncements. But now, as the small group of relatives and friends stood silently, watching the aged rabbi as his life ebbed away, the last thing on their minds was R’ Yonason Eybeshutz. All they were concerned with was the imminent final breath of this titan of Jewish leadership, who had been at the center of European Jewish life for well over fifty years. The bitter dis-

pute between him and his archrival was utterly remote at that moment and if anyone in the room gave the saga any thought, it would only have been to reflect on the fact that the controversy was finally coming to an end.

Suddenly, unexpectedly, R’ Yaakov opened his unseeing eyes. He grabbed the hand of the person closest to him, a member of the Chevra Kadisha at his bedside, and began to speak in a whisper. It sounded as if he was greeting someone; a long lost relative or friend. His voice was barely audible, and the man whose hand he had clutched leaned towards him, trying to make out what he was saying. He put his ear next to R’ Yaakov’s mouth and listened intently, then gasped and went pale.

“What is he saying? What is he saying?”

The young man seemed unable to respond. He leaned back down and listened again, and then shook his head in bewilderment.

“The rabbi is saying over and over again, ‘Baruch haba, my father; baruch haba, Rabbi Yonason,’ that is what he is saying!” There was a sharp intake of breath from everyone in the crowded room. What could this mean? How was it possible that in his final moments R’ Yaa-

kov was mentioning his beloved father in the same breath as the name of his hated nemesis? What did he mean by “baruch haba,” a phrase usually said as a welcome?

The family muttered to each other quietly, trying to figure out some explanation for what was going on.

One of them suggested they ask R’ Yaakov, but he had gone quiet again, and closed his eyes. His breathing began to slow down, and within a matter of minutes he was gone. The Chevra Kadisha cleared the room, and – in keeping with tradition – they lifted the rabbi’s fragile body off the bed and onto the floor.

Outside the family began discussing the funeral and burial arrangements with community officials. Obviously R’ Yaakov would be buried in the most distinguished portion of the cemetery, where only community leaders and distinguished rabbis were buried. After all, besides for being one of Europe’s preeminent rabbis, he had lived in Hamburg for most of his life, and his father, Chacham Tzvi Ashkenazi, had served as chief rabbi. No one would dare to deny him his rightful place in the cemetery.

But the community representatives were shifting from foot to foot, looking down at the floor. There was

There was a problem. A big problem. Who was going to break the news to the family?

Rabbi Pini Dunner is the Rav of Young Israel North Beverly Hills in California.

Show Your Community Pride

WE PLEDGE TO: • Maintain the exterior appearance of our homes.

• Keep yards and alleys free from trash.

• Recycle paper, plastic, metal and glass.

• Bring in toys after children finish playing.

• Show respect for our neighbors by keeping noise down to minimal levels.

• Not blow horns while waiting to pick up passengers.

These pledges help make our community cleaner, greener and safer for all.

For more information, please visit chaibaltimore.org/communityresources or call 410-500-5300

B A LT I M O R E J E W I S H H O M E . C O M

place just minutes before R’ Yaakov had drawn his last breath.

R’ Landau smiled. “I think we can announce the funeral,” he said, “and it is absolutely fine for R’ Yaakov’s final resting place be so close to R’ Yonason. Clearly, as his soul was departing from this world, R’ Yaakov finally reconciled with R’ Yonason, and none other than the great Chacham Tzvi was there to witness it. Baruch Dayan Ha’emes!”

And with that the worst rabbinic battle in modern Jewish history appeared to have reached its natural conclusion. A controversy that had embroiled multiple communities, ruined careers, split families, involved the gentile authorities of more than one country, and devastated lives, seemed – finally – to be at an end. With the death of the second of the two protagonists whose names were synonymous with this epic fight, on what possible grounds would it continue?

But had anyone breathed a sigh of relief as they buried R’ Yaakov Emden on that spring day in Hamburg, they would have been completely mistaken to do so. The root causes of the controversy, the two principal combatants, the impact of the controversy on Jewish life and on the development of Judaism, would fascinate and polarize scholars and rabbis of every subsequent generation, as well as captivate aficionados of Jewish history, and they continue to do so to this day.

So how did it all begin?

TAKE THE GOOD NEIGHBOR PLEDGE

FEBRUARY 4, 2016

for R’ Yaakov to be buried there, and nor would the Hamburg community leadership, whose loyalty to R’ Yonason had been absolute over the years, be willing to see the man who had caused so much strife buried near the object of his relentless crusade. One of the community’s representatives blurted out the news to the family. There was dead silence. You could have heard a pin drop. The head of the Chevra Kadisha spoke up. He wanted to suggest a solution.

“I hear that R’ Yechezkel Landau, Chief Rabbi of Prague, is in town, presiding over a court case. Perhaps let us ask him to rule whether R’ Yaakov can be buried near R’ Yonason. He knows the history between them very well. For my part, I can speak on behalf of the community.

We will follow the Rav of Prague’s direction – as long as the family also agrees to do so.”

The family members looked at each other and nodded their agreement. What choice did they have?

Every minute they delayed the funeral was disrespectful to R’ Yaakov.

A meeting was hastily set up with R’ Landau. His relationship with both R’ Yaakov and R’ Yonason had been fraught and difficult over the years, which at the very least meant that both sides would treat his ruling as objective. A senior member of the Emden family and a representative of the Chevra Kadisha were shown into R’ Landau’s room, and he listened intently as they explained the problem at hand. He pondered for a moment, and asked how R’ Yaakov had spoken of R’ Yonason over the last few months of his life. Had there

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been any change of attitude? Had he softened his stance? Not really, the family member responded – his harsh criticism had been unceasing.

Except, he added, in the moments just before he died, and he related the strange episode that had taken

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a problem. A big problem. Who was going to break the news to the family? The only available gravesite in the cemetery was a few feet away from where R’ Yonason was buried, and on the same row. There was no way the family would agree

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Technology Exploring the Continued Impact of Technology, Part I Technology & You: Stopping the Unstoppable Rabbi Moshe Hauer Below is the first article in a three part series by Rabbi Moshe Hauer on Exploring the Continued Impact of Technology. This article and others

by Rabbi Hauer, as well as hundreds of his audio lectures, can be accessed at the newly developed website, rabbihauer.org.

To sign up for weekly emails and or podcasts featuring relevant classes, Parsha shiurim and new articles

by Rabbi Hauer, visit rabbihauer.org.

It just never stops. How many times while writing this article will I be interrupted by a text, a call or an email? How many times will you be similarly interrupted while reading it?

All hours of day and night we hear the pings and feel the vibrations, and we either respond immediately, or our tension and dread mount as we realize that what we have not answered immediately will be waiting for us, mercilessly demanding our attention later.

I don’t know about you, but I feel like my life is spiraling out of control, in the hands of a constant pull for more and more communication. And I want to do something about it.

Technology continues to transform society and our individual lives in ways positive and negative, large and small. Given its enormous impact, it is imperative for us to regularly pause and take stock of the role that technology plays in our lives, ensuring that we do everything we can to take advantage of its opportunities without being overtaken by its challenges.

But who in the world has the ability to pause and take stock?! We are too

busy responding to the next e-mail.

One of our distinctive qualities is human intelligence, a capacity that enables us to act with consideration of the consequences and ramifications of those actions. While utilizing this capacity has always been a challenge, it appears to be an outsized challenge when it comes to technology. The nature of the beast is that it constantly demands our reactive attention, leaving us little space or time to pause and consider where it takes us.

Rav Moshe Chaim Luzzato in the Mesilas Yesharim (Chapter 2), when presenting the value of Zehirut, forethought and consideration of our actions, cites Yirmiyahu’s description of people running mindlessly along their path in life without pausing to consider their direction.

Alas this is one of the methods and tricks of the Evil Inclination, to make us work intensely and unremittingly to the point where we are left with no space to think and to consider our direction. He knows that were we to pause even briefly to evaluate our choices we would immediately reconsider our approach and stop doing the wrong things. Indeed this was what Pharaoh was thinking when he decreed that the demands on the Jewish workers be increased. His intention was to leave them no space to think about what they were experiencing lest they begin to plot against him. He hoped to distract their hearts from any such contemplation through constant and uninterrupted work.

Is there a more accurate description of our current challenge? Yet we

This article is Part I of a three part series on our relationship to technology. The complexity and multi-faceted nature of the subject precludes even the possibility of an exhaustive treatment. As such in this essay we will focus on one aspect of how technology is affecting our own being. The choice of this particular aspect is because of its immediate and sharp relevance to the writer’s own life and struggles.

This article draws upon much wisdom gleaned from others, most notably the thoughts and research cited in the current (Fall 2015) issue of Klal Perspectives, dedicated to the subject of technology. The reader is encouraged to read the entire issue, and to accept this general citation for much of what is included here.

now have to travel the distance to live up to the balance of his analysis. Because even as we do pause at times to think about how we have lost control over our lives, we have not yet shown the ability to “immediately reconsider our approach and stop doing the wrong things.”

Put succinctly: Technology is an incredible tool. Tools are meant to be held in our hands and used to help us achieve specific ends in a more efficient and effective manner. Yet as time goes on, it seems that instead of our holding the tool of technology in our hands, we find ourselves increasingly in its grip. We need to reverse this dynamic. We need to reclaim control over our lives, wresting it back from the relentless and tightening grip of technology.

Dr. Gavriel Fagin (Klal Perspectives Fall 2015) discusses a model of self-regulation where an individual is to ask himself (or herself) some basic questions: Do I feel in control of my internet and/or technological behavior?

Does my internet/technology behavior include viewing images or composing/viewing messages in a manner inconsistent with my beliefs and values?

Does my internet/technology activity produce negative consequences, such as harm to relationships, difficulty focusing, or poor performance on the job or in Torah study?

Do I need privacy and secrecy to continue my internet/technology behavior?

Do I feel overly preoccupied with using my computer or accessing the Internet?

These five simple questions are truly soul-searching, and constitute an excellent beginning for Cheshbon Hanefesh, a genuine self-assessment, in this important realm. And while many struggle with addiction to the

time-wasting distractions of the internet and to its dark and filthy corners, we can begin with a focus on the areas that are not at all embarrassing.

Out of Control – and Proud of It!: Indeed it seems that some of what we have to be most worried about is that which makes us feel significant.

We take pride in our constant busyness, quick response time, and multitasking productivity, and are strongly committed to fill any lull with a quick reply to another electronic query. Yet these “accomplishments” indicate a loss of control of our technological behavior to the point where it is having a profoundly stressful effect on our lives. Personally I have found this the greatest challenge.

Always “On”: The ubiquitous connectivity has completely erased the boundaries between time on and time off. We are always on, never more than a click away from our bosses, employees, customers and clients.

And we are always expected to respond in a timely, virtually immediate fashion. This leaves us with a feeling that we have slowly and sadly become accustomed to: a constant knot in the stomach, as we are always “on” and poised for the next flurry of communications which we must get in front of lest the pile-up build to a point where it overwhelms.

This feeling follows us to sleep.

A recent study compared the sleep patterns and biological effects of the bedtime reading of a light-emitting e-book versus reading a traditional printed book (Chang 2014). The results showed a clear qualitative advantage to the sleep of those who had read the traditional book. The author’s scientific focus was on the powerful effects of light on the body’s natural sleep/wake patterns. Yet it also seems that the e-reader experience produces its own kind of tension. Reading from a device usually involves built in in-

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Technology

es.

We can start with three simple changes: Off times: We must have set times when devices are off and out of reach.

This would include dinner time and beyond, as well as work, study and leisure hours when email and texts are not received. Start with dinner time, and make it a family commitment, where everyone undertakes it together and reinforces each other’s commitment.

Do not take your devices into your bedroom. Check those last emails, read those articles, before you begin your preparations to retire. Charge the devices overnight in the kitchen or den, so that they will not be the last thing you see before you go to sleep and the first thing you see in the morning. This too should be a family commitment that everyone undertakes together.

Allow yourself a break. When pumping gas, waiting in line at the store, waiting for Chazaras HaShatz to begin at shul, waiting for whatever: just wait. Keep your phone in your pocket and think about what you just did or what you are about to do. Or just dream.

None of these commitments will be easy to maintain. I would think we need both family buy-in and support between friends, where we encourage each other and are accountable to each other for sticking to them. We can, for example, have an understanding with our neighbor in shul or learning partner that we will remind each other about not checking our phones while in shul or while learning.

Yet there is no doubt that we will be thrilled with any such break we succeed in carving out for ourselves.

We will not regret having established this space; we will only regret that it took us this long to do it. And as we succeed in creating these spaces, these moments of stillness, we will experience a taste of Geulah and a fresh breath of renewed life reclaimed from the insatiable jaws of technology.

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1 I am grateful to my dear friend Chanina Reischer for this beautiful observation.

watch a baseball game. As he watched it he noticed the game was moving at a very rapid pace, and ultimately realized that he was watching an edited replay of the game, where only the action was shown. None of the conferences on the mound; no pitchers peering in at the catcher, breathing deeply and focusing before winding up; no signals from the third base coach; and no players carefully planting themselves in the batter’s box. Only action seemed to count. What these producers did not realize was that the pauses are themselves part of the game.

Sometimes the “action” is not where the action is.

TGIS: We need a break. And we can thank G-d that we get one. Every week we have the blessing of Shabbos, a pause that allows us to shut down this onslaught of communication, this feeling of being always on, the stresses and pulls of multi-tasking. We get to converse and to study, to enjoy the pleasantness of positivity, of Zemiros and Divrei Torah, of family and community. It is a great reset button, giving us a chance to appreciate stillness.

But Shabbos alone will not do it.

In fact, a study of Yeshiva students found that those with high amounts of technology use during the week found Shabbos boring and difficult to an extent far greater than their less-technologized peers. And it is natural that for all of us, an appreciation of stillness needs to be nurtured and cultivated far beyond the seventh day.

We recognize the problem. How can we move from that recognition to “immediately reconsider our approach and stop doing the wrong things”?

A Plan of Action: We can and must take action, making conscious decisions that will effectively put us back into the driver’s seat, getting a grip on technology and loosening its grip on us. And we must do it in a way that will have a good chance of succeeding in the longer term.

The usual rules for effecting lasting change are to undertake specific, modest and manageable changes, and to have a support system for implementing and maintaining those chang-

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health. People who connect to angry, negative or hostile content suffer increased rates of heart disease, and those with more positive, supportive and hopeful content had significantly lower levels of disease. The stress from reading all this stuff is not imaginary!

Loss of Stillness: Yet perhaps beyond all of these active stresses is the loss of a valuable commodity from our lives, what the psychologist Erik Erikson referred to as Stillness. The ability and the opportunity to be alone, to allow the mind to wander and to take its own direction. To be alive and happy without external stimulation.

The story of our bondage in Egypt starts on some level at the beginning of Parshas Vayechi. Rashi notes there that the Parsha is not separated from the previous one by the usual break, the usual empty space in the scroll.

This is an indication that around the time of the death of Yaakov – anticipated in the opening words of that Parsha – the eyes and hearts of the Jewish people were closed by the difficulties of the bondage.

Evidently the symbol for bondage is just that: no break. And beautifully, the conclusion of the bondage was marked by the Jews singing the Song of the Sea, a section of the Torah written with the unusual style of including breaks not only between sections, but within each and every verse.1 To be free means to pause, to have space to think, to absorb. To experience stillness.

And these breaks are not to benefit the feebleminded or those with poor stamina. As our Sages taught, the breaks were given for Moshe to absorb the lessons and to contemplate what had been learned.

In 1999, the year the first Blackberry was introduced and well before the Smartphone was a twinkle in anyone’s eye, Rabbi Emanuel Feldman wrote a piece he called “Abbreviations”. He wrote about a visit to a European hotel, where he stopped in the lobby to

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terruptions from incoming messages.

And even when these are not responded to, the electronic reading we do before bed is often not a relaxing escape into a story, but a hectic read through the many articles and communications we could not get to earlier. That is decidedly not relaxing. And it is incredibly common.

Always Distracted: And we never focus on any single task. The constant interruptions have us all multi-tasking, precluding thoughtful immersion in any single task or interaction. And while much can be said about the effects of this phenomenon on productivity, thought patterns and attention span, its greatest impact may be on our sense of control of our lives and our level of stress.

In a study titled “The Cost of interrupted Work: More Speed and Stress” (Mark 2008), researchers demonstrated that even where interruptions do not impact efficiency, multi-taskers inevitably experience “more stress, higher frustration, time pressure and effort.”

It is indeed the case that stress is not the result of hard work, but rather the result of being pulled in different directions. Thus, hours of block time dedicated to working on a single project may leave us tired, but not nearly as stressed as an hour of multi-tasking, jockeying between different activities without giving full attention to one, always feeling that I really need to do something else.

Exposure to Negativity: Another profound stressor is the flood of disturbing information we are exposed to as we follow our newsfeeds from multiple sources. This is coupled with the “talk-backs”, the responses to articles that are so often written with an edge and frustration that degenerates into a shouting or sniping match, and that exposes the reader to a heavy dose of negativity.

A recent study (Eichstaedt et al 2015) found that a social media platform can serve as a dashboard indicator of a community’s psychological well-being and can predict rates of heart disease more accurately than demographics, socioeconomics or

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It Could Have Happened To You

It May Just Be At Your Doorstep…

Rabbi Eli Scheller

Mendy was a traveling salesman, and today was a day in which only the first half of his title was true. Yes he had traveled, but there were no sales. Now that this wintry workday was over, he was on his way home, frustrated by the day’s lack of accomplishments but eager to get home to his loving wife and children.

The sun was close to the horizon as Mendy approached the busy intersection only a few blocks from his home. Had there been some black ice that made someone lose control? Did one of the drivers miss the red light? Was the glare too much for the driver in the other direction? It didn’t matter. Mendy’s car was struck from the side and pushed into two other cars traveling in the other direction. Four drivers emerged from their vehicles as one, fortunately none of them seriously hurt. Mendy walked around his car, a late model Toyota, formerly Avalon, currently Totaled. He trudged to the curb and made the requisite calls to his insurance agent, then to his wife. Finished, he had no choice but

to wait in the cold for the police to arrive and file their report.

Before we finish this story take a moment and imagine yourself having a day like this. You may not be salesman, and there may not have been a car accident, but you have probably ended a working day in a place very far from where you expected to be when the day began. Perhaps it was in another city where your flight got rerouted due to inclement weather. Perhaps it was in a flooded basement. Perhaps it was in the principal’s office of your child’s school.

When a situation like this arises a natural tendency is to become upset and annoyed at your foul luck - at the weather, at the contractor who built your home, or at your child’s best friend who serves as a negative influence. The irritated feeling will then go on to ruin what remains of your day, and may spill over to your loved ones, neighbors and friends.

When a person reflects on what’s really going on, one’s reaction to an unexpected and stressful situation is a choice.

One can choose to be annoyed by being shoved out of his comfort zone. Another option is to be like Mendy.

Mendy got home late that night. But before he got home he got to meet the driver of the tow truck who took him to the auto body shop. Mendy struck up a conversation with the owner of the shop and learned that he could use the product that Mendy sold. Sale number 1. Mendy was next taken to the car rental agency.

Once again some friendly banter led to the finding that the agency could use some of Mendy’s product. Sale number 2. Mendy finally arrived home and didn’t mind one bit that his dinner was cold.

Let’s agree on a couple things. Mendy is a born salesman, and salesmen hear ‘no’ so many times that they learn to be eternal optimists. But let’s also agree that had Mendy allowed his circumstances to dim his optimism his resultant foul mood would not have put him into a position to engage new potential customers.

The Talmud (Yoma 75a) teaches that

when the Jewish people received the manna the righteous individuals who trusted in God found the manna at their doorstep, the common ones had to walk right outside the camp to find it and the wicked ones among them had to walk far past the camp to locate their sustenance.

Perhaps the manna landed on everyone’s doorstep but the common and wicked people saw it as garbage obstructing their path and could not recognize that this was actually sustenance hand delivered by God. They could only appreciate and recognize it once they exerted themselves and searched for it.

Many of us had this choice to make when we were confronted with the recent blizzard; hours of shoveling ahead, missed days of work, and bored children.

Some chose to see the two feet of “white seeds” delivered to their front door as an annoyance obstructing their path, while the Mendys I know used this unexpected situation to teach, frolic with, and bond with their children and neighbors.

Renovations Additions New Construction

The Jewish Home | OCTOBER 29, 2015

In The K

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The Jewish Home | OCTOBER 29, 2015

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tchen

By Naomi Nachman

Naomi Nachman, the owner of The Aussie Gourmet, caters weekly and Shabbat/ Yom Tov meals for families and individuals within The Five Towns and neighboring communities, with a specialty in Pesach catering. Naomi is a contributing editor to this paper and also produces and hosts her own weekly radio show on the Nachum Segal Network stream called “A Table for Two with Naomi Nachman.” Naomi gives cooking presentations for organizations and private groups throughout the New York/New Jersey Metropolitan area. In addition, Naomi has been a guest host on the QVC TV network and has been featured in cookbooks, magazines as well as other media covering topics related to cuisine preparation and personal chefs. To obtain additional recipes, join The Aussie Gourmet on Facebook or visit Naomi’s blog. Naomi can be reached through her website,www.theaussiegourmet.com or at (516) 295-9669.

Leaders in Passover Tours Preparation Ingredients Mix the ingredients togeth1 lb. chopped meat he all schechter familY er except the pizza rounds and pine ½ cup prune butter invite you to join them for nuts, and refrigerate for 2 hours to ½ cup tamarind (available at pesach 2016 let the flavors concentrate.

Gourmet Glatt) Preheat the oven to 400°F. 1 small onion, finely chopped Line a cookie sheet with parch¼ cup tomato paste ment paper and spread out the pizza ¼ cup ketchup rounds.

1 teaspoon kosher salt Spread a heaping mound of meat 1 teaspoon allspice st filling ontoYear each dough round, mak¼ teaspoon cinnamon our 21 spectacular ing sure you spread it all the way to 1/8 teaspoon pepper at the beautiful, oceanfront the edge.

It shrinks 1 pkg 24 mini pizza rounds

by Mazor Marco polo beach resort as it cooks so be generous. Press down the meat firm1 cup pine nuts ly so it sticks to the dough. Sprinkle • Oversized newly renovated each piece with a few pine nuts. rooms, many with terraces Call howie sarnoff at • Poolside fitness center with Bake until golden brown, about caribbean Kosher tours: sauna and steam room 25 minutes.

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Preparation Mix all the ingredients together except the pizza rounds and pine nuts, and refrigerate for 2 hours to let the flavors concentrate.

Preheat the oven to 400°F. Line a cookie sheet with parchment paper and spread out the pizza rounds.

Spread a heaping mound of meat filling onto each dough round, making sure you spread it all the way to the edge. It shrinks as it cooks so be generous. Press down the meat firmly so it sticks to the dough. Sprinkle each piece with a few pine nuts.

Bake until golden brown, about 25 minutes.

• Private seder rooms available marcopolopassover@gmail.com • Gourmet glatt kosher cuisine with renowned Chef Andy Serano Naomi• Nachman, owner seders of The Aussie Gourmet, caters and Shabbat/ Yom Call Joy of weekly aMIt children Cantor ledthe or private southeAst region • Top entertainment Tov meals forname families and individuals within The Five Towns and neighboring commuTripsa to major attractions nities,• with specialty in Pesach catering. Naomi is a contributing editor to this paper • Daily services, shiurim, lectures and also produces and hosts her own weekly radio show on the Nachum Segal Network • Scholar-in-Residence Program

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stream called “A Table for Two with Naomi Nachman.” Naomi gives cooking presentations for organizations and private groups throughout the New York/New Jersey Metropolitan area. In addition, Naomi has been a guest host on the QVC TV network and has been featured in cookbooks, magazines as well as other media covering topics 19201 Collins Ave • sunny isles BeACh, FloridA related to cuisine preparation and personal chefs. To obtain additional recipes, join www.marcopolobeachresort.com The Aussie Gourmet on Facebook or visit Naomi’s blog. Naomi can be reached through her website,www.theaussiegourmet.com or at (516) 295-9669.

Balitmore Jewish Home 4.4” x 5.4

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Ingredients 1 lb. chopped meat ½ cup prune butter ½ cup tamarind (available at Gourmet Glatt) 1 small onion, finely chopped ¼ cup tomato paste ¼ cup ketchup 1 teaspoon kosher salt 1 teaspoon allspice ¼ teaspoon cinnamon 1/8 teaspoon pepper 1 pkg 24 mini pizza rounds by Mazor 1 cup pine nuts

FEBRUARY 4, 2016

ck from a two week trip to Israel. TheItaste Israel is still onfrom a two week trip to Israel. The taste of Israel is still on haveof just come back in Israel is awesome! I spent my Fridays (and many otherin Israel is awesome! I spent my Fridays (and many other my mind.

The food or hours around Shuk Machane Yehuda in too!)

Yerushalayim. days walking forAhours around Shuk Machane Yehuda in Yerushalayim. A available just for Shabbat only on Fridays.

They hadwere all kinds lot of products available just for Shabbat only on Fridays. They had all kinds nown as “mezze” (meaning small bites) for sale.

The origin of mini appetizers known as “mezze” (meaning small bites) for sale. The origin rom Syria and other Middle Eastern countries and they of these dishes areare from Syria and other Middle Eastern countries and they are he beginning of large-scale meals (including Shabbat meals) typically served at the beginning of large-scale meals (including Shabbat meals) orted mini appetizers and salads. They so delicious and mini appetizers and salads. They were so delicious and aswere a selection of assorted wanted to create my own version of mysofavorite mezze dish, fresh tasting.

I wanted to create my own version of my favorite mezze dish, first Shabbat home. It’s like a meat pizza bursting with flavor. lachmagine, for my first Shabbat home. It’s like a meat pizza bursting with flavor.

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Lachmagine

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FEBRUARY 4, 2016 | The Jewish Home

The Observant Jew

The Great Shopping Cart Debate

By Rabbi Jonathan Gewirtz

I

t’s February again and time once more for National Return Shopping Carts to the Supermarket month. It’s been some time since I wrote about people who don’t return their shopping carts after use and leave them instead in a parking spot or other place where they inconvenience others.

I guess in honor of this lesser-known seasonal observance, I’ll revisit the topic.

Many of my readers will remember the children’s book, The Pushcart War. It won many awards and revolved around the story of the big bully truck companies who pushed around the small peddlers and damaged their pushcarts until they staged a revolt and flattened thousands of truck tires with pea shooters.

The Pushcart War may be a work of fiction, but the Great Shopping Cart Debate really happened. You see, even though I don’t write about it on a regular basis, I still notice when people don’t return their carts. I still pull into parking spaces only to find I must stop my car halfway into the space and get out to move the wagon from the front or side of the space so I can pull all the way in.

Well, not too long ago, I saw a scene unfold not only before my very eyes, but

before the camera on my phone! I was pulling into a shopping strip and saw a cart slowly rolling towards the store. I could only surmise that the person in the van that was about to back up had pushed it too weakly to make it all the way to the store. As I watched, almost knowing what would happen, the driver began to back out, meticulously maneuvering around the cart which was now directly in her way.

Another car backing out had to move awkwardly to avoid hitting it as well, and a woman who emerged from the store and got about two feet from the wagon pulled herself back onto the curb.

The video I took shows all three in proximity to the cart and then all three moving away, leaving the lone shopping cart sitting forlornly in the middle of the roadway.

I posted that video online and commented, “Why I write what I write.” Three people had a chance and a reason to move the cart yet none of the three did. I didn’t mean to make any grand statement with my video, other than to share the source of my exasperation.

(I parked and then moved the wagon myself.)

That’s when the debate began. Someone commented on the video, “I think we

have bigger problems than this.” Well, I hadn’t said this was the number one crisis affecting the Jewish People, only that this was something I’d taken note of. Then the commenter remarked, “This must be in New York; people are rude there.” He maintained his position that this was not a big issue, and certainly not one worth noticing or commenting on.

My devoted wife came to my defense, stating she’d seen it all over the place and that bein adam l’chaveiro, thinking of others, was something we should train ourselves in, even through the seemingly small act of thinking of others by returning our carts.

You might think the Great Debate was over, but you’d be wrong! The commenter came back and said, “I stand strongly that maybe we need to concentrate on really really serious problems. Like children going off the derech, like the world killing Jews. So I appreciate [the] one shopping cart at a time philosophy, I just can’t relate.”

I reached out privately and asked why he had to comment that way. Did it bother him that I was making a comment on something? I pointed out to him that his comment could

undermine my writing and perhaps cause damage to my parnassa, which is patent lashon hara. I further mentioned that when my wife got involved, his persistence could make her think people don’t respect me, causing a disruption of shalom bayis and driving away the Shechi-

could use it as a means to keep us from losing our humanity. Focusing on others would give us a good start to solving our other problems.

And, February is also National Boost Your Self-Esteem Month. I bet if we think of others and act purposefully in our behaviors, we’ll start

Focusing on others would give us a good start to solving our other problems.

na. Surely that was a sufficiently big problem to warrant silence on his part? He didn’t respond, but neither did he remove his comments.

I never said that this was the biggest problem in our society, but the truth is the same outlook that causes people to be focused on themselves is what causes them to do worse things, drives people away from Yiddishkeit, and inspires the nations to hate us. If we don’t have pity on each other, why would they have pity on us?

National Return Shopping Carts to the Supermarket month was intended to keep storeowners from losing money, but I think we

to feel much better about the people we’re becoming. And that would truly be something to celebrate.

Jonathan Gewirtz is an inspirational writer and speaker whose work has appeared in publications around the world.

You can find him at www. facebook.com/RabbiGewirtz and follow him on Twitter @ RabbiJGewirtz. He also operates JewishSpeechWriter.com, where you can order a custom-made speech for your next special occasion. Sign up for the Migdal Ohr, his weekly PDF Dvar Torah in English. E-mail info@JewishSpeechWriter.com and put Subscribe in the subject.

The Jewish Home | FEBRUARY 4, 2016

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A Fulfilled L fe

THE BALTIMORE JEWISH HOME

A Just Approach to Parenting

By Rabbi Naphtali Hoff

Despite the general impression that this week’s parsha focuses almost exclusively on torts and damages, the fact is that much of Mishpatim deals with the interpersonal side of human relations, even when no physical harm has been caused.

And whoever kidnaps a man, and he is found in his possession, shall surely be put to death. And one who curses his father or his mother shall surely be put to death. (Shemos 21:16-17) Rav Samson Raphael Hirsch comments that “steal-

ing human beings is actual destruction of the dignity of a human being. Towards a father and mother one does not need to go so far, even expressing the desire for their ruin incurs capital punishment.” From here we see that damage is not always measured in quantitative dollars and cents. In fact, a person is punished more severely for cursing his parents (sekila – stoning) than for hitting them (chenek – strangulation).

Much of the 4th and 5th aliyos also deal with matters of empathy and interpersonal consideration, for such matters as not accepting a false report, not serving as a false witness, not following the majority for evil, and not oppressing a stranger.

Strangely, the second half of the fifth aliya switches focus to shemitta, Shabbos and the three primary festivals, only to conclude with the well known prohibition of cooking meat and milk together.

“You shall not cook a kid in its mother’s milk.” (Ibid 23:19) At first glance, this last dictate would appear to have no relation to anything that had appeared beforehand.

Certainly, it does not have any obvious connection with the general theme of mishpatim, the laws that govern societal relationships and civic responsibilities. However, maybe we can identify something within this mitzvah that can

help explain why it was chosen to be the one to serve as the culminating message of mishpatim. (The latter part of the parsha moves on to discuss Hashem’s plans for the Jewish conquest of Eretz Yisrael.)

The imagery of cooking a child in its mother’s milk is most striking. Milk serves as the lifeline of a young child; it is through its mother’s personal nourishment that a kid, calf or baby manages through its most delicate stage of in-

the case with many American parents). It may also take on the form of living vicariously through our children, and using them in some way to further our own stature and sense of achievement, even it is ultimately not in their personal best interest.

In order for a society to engage in true mishpat, it is necessary for us to recognize that the study and practice of economic and interpersonal civility can only emerge from a deep appreciation that we

What may appear as a service to a child may in fact be the most destructive act that we can do.

fancy. To “cook” the child in that milk is to somehow use the very life source in a way that is most damaging and destructive to the child.

In a metaphorical sense, cooking a child in its mother’s milk is akin to a parent smothering a child in his or her quest to help it grow and flourish. What may appear as a service to a child may in fact be the most destructive act that we can do. This might manifest in the form of teaching children “survival skills” at the expense of their middos and interpersonal relationships (as is apparently

are not only in it for the sake of taking what we can from others. Rather, we must work for the common good, to help each of us flourish in a way that is mutually satisfying.

“Rav Yehudah said, ‘He who wishes to be pious must fulfill the laws of Nezikin.’” (Bava Kama 30a)

Rabbi Naphtali Hoff is President of Impactful Coaching & Consulting. He can be reached at 212.470.6139 or at nhoff@ impactfulcoaching.com.

B A LT I M O R E J E W I S H H O M E . C O M

and that your child would get left behind in the great stampede for life’s many rewards.

In Warner’s mind, even us urging our kids to say “please” and “thank you” is no more than a “feeble attempt to make our children (and ourselves) look good.”

Her proof? The fact that we too often fail to impress upon them the need to do the things that convey a deeper expression of courtesy, such as making eye contact and saying “hello” and “goodbye.”

These behaviors convey to other people that they matter and are worthy of respect. To many American parents, it’s far more important that their children be in touch with their feelings and be true to themselves than it is they create good feeling around them through “superficial” good manners.

FEBRUARY 4, 2016

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few years back, Time Magazine published an article entitled, “Why American Kids are Brats (and their parents might be getting just what they deserve).” In it, author Judith Warner noted a strong contrast between the approach of American parents and their French counterparts.

Having lived in both countries for many years, she maintained that, on the whole, “French kids can be a whole lot more pleasant to be around than our own.

They’re more polite. They’re better socialized. They generally get with the program; they help out when called upon to do so, and they don’t demand special treatment.

And that comes directly from being taught, from the earliest age, that they’re not the only ones with feelings and needs.”

Where does this compliance and empathy come from? According to Warner, it is the emphasis that French parents put on demanding that their children behave respectfully toward other people. In sad contrast, parents in the U.S. often do just the opposite, assiduously striving to ensure that their children’s wants and needs came first, no matter what.

This approach to parenting was based on the notion that if you didn’t teach your child to “self-advocate” no one will,

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