Baltimore Jewish Home 3-13-14

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Chai Lifeline Makes Magic with Baltimore Blast Soccer Team

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mar. 27 . vol

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HaRav Asher Weiss, Shlita, visits Baltimore in Honor of 42nd M. Leo Storch Memorial Lecture

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Maccabeats OCA Concert Honors Dr. Peter and Mrs. Rosemary Warschawski PAGE 12

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COMMUNITY

THE BALTIMORE JEWISH HOME

CONTENTS

PARSHA

Around the Community . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .5

JEWISH THOUGHT The Chizuk Found in Long Speeches. . . . . . . . . . . . 44

Remember Not To Forget . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 43

HUMOR & ENTERTAINMENT Centerfold. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 32 Notable Quotes. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 36 Kids Fun Page. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 34

PURIM Always Watching by Mordechai Schmutter. . . . . . . 24 Purim Times . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 26 Setting your Seudah with the Purim Spirit . . . . . . 38 Masks: Do They Conceal or Reveal?. . . . . . . . . . . . . 40

LIFESTYLES In the Kitchen . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 30 The Art of Mask Making. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 39 Health & Fitness: Obesity - A Growing Concern . . . 42

Dear Readers, “It’s what?”

It’s Purim already? Time flies; but that’s a good a thing, I think. I mean, who doesn’t love Purim? You can feel it in the air…costumes, Shalach Manos, and kids dancing in our homes. It is such a joyful time!

As you can tell by this week’s cover, it’s almost Purim! And yes, this is our Purim edition; it’s an expanded issue jam-packed with just about everything! We hope you will enjoy the Purim Times: there are several very “serious” news events that you’ll be very interested to read. Speaking of which, a big congratulations goes out to Fishel Gross of O’ Fishel Catering on becoming President Obama’s personal chef.

Want to impress your guests with some Purim table enhancements?

How about some yummy, fun, non-alcoholic beverages and the most scrumptious recipes? It’s all here for you in this week’s issue.

Thanks again to everyone for the positive and constructive feedback, including many suggestions for upcoming articles. It is greatly welcomed and appreciated!

A Meal Fit for a King. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 45

Have a happy, joyous, and most importantly, safe Purim. May Hashem bestow good things on all of us and may all our wishes and tefilos be answered.

NEWS

Happy Purim!

Global News. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 14 National News. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 16

Yaakov

That’s Odd. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 19

ISRAEL

Israel News . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 15

The Baltimore Jewish Home is an independent bi-weekly newspaper. Opinions expressed by writers are not neces­sarily the opinions of the publisher or editor. The Baltimore Jewish Home is not responsible for typographical errors, or for the kashrus of any product or business advertised within. The BJH contains words of Torah. Please treat accordingly.

HaRav Asher Weiss, Shlita, visits Baltimore HaTorah, Rabbi Leib Shulman’s yeshiva. The Rav enjoyed a beautiful dinner with divrei Torah and singing with the extended Storch family.

Following dinner the Rav spoke at the 42nd Annual M. Leo Storch Lecture held at Kehillas Kol Torah (Rabbi Berger’s shul). The topic of his lecture was, “Instilling Our Children with Simchas Shel Mitzvah.” Several hundred participants attended the lecture while hundreds more listened via live hookup.

The Rav emphasized that we are living in challenging times. Our children are exposed to many outside influences. We need to fill our children with simcha and a love of Torah and Yiddishkeit so that they will be inspired to follow in our footsteps and live as Bnei Torah. Rav Weiss concluded with a bracha that Klal Yisrael should be zocheh to the greatest simcha of all, the rebuilding of the Beis HaMikdash in our time. Following the lecture, the Rav made a quick, surprise visit to the Katz/Back wedding. The Rav then returned to the Storch home where he once again greeted members of the community, answering shaylos and giving out brachos.

MARCH 13, 2014

Baltimore, MD - March 2nd and 3rd - Harav Asher Weiss, Shlita, author of the Minchas Osher, an Av Beis Din, Rosh Kollel, and Posek, visited Baltimore, MD in honor of the 42nd M. Leo Storch Memorial Lecture.

Rav Weiss stayed with his gabbai Rabbi Yossi Sprung at the home of Dr. and Mrs. Bert Miller. The Rav davened shacharis at Rabbi Slanger’s Yeshiva (Beis HaMedrash and Mesivta of Baltimore). Following davening he gave a shiur to the bochurim.

The Rav’s agenda had also included stops at several other local yeshivos.

Unfortunately, a large snowstorm hit Baltimore, closing the schools and changing the Rav’s plans. Rav Weiss instead extended his time at the home of Mr. and Mrs. Frank Storch where dozens of community members came out to meet the Rav, ask shaylos, and receive brachos.

Later in the afternoon the Rav visited the Community Kollel, Tiferes Moshe Aryeh, where he gave divrei chizuk to bochurim from Ohr HaTorah, Rabbi Dovid Hoffman and Rabbi Moshe Aharon Rosenbaum’s yeshiva.

That evening the Rav returned to the Storch home where he gave brachos to bochurim from Mesivta Neimus

photo credit to Mike Diamond and Frank Storch

Community

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A Grandparent’s View of Grandparents’ Day at Talmudical Academy/Yeshivas Chofetz Chaim On Friday, February 28, 2014 grandparents of TA elementary students were treated to a magnificent and inspirational day. It truly was a special event for 500 plus grandparents from near and far to enjoy a “day in the life” of their grandchildren.

From the moment we arrived, it was apparent to us that a tremendous amount of energy, creativity, and organization went into the planning of the day to ensure that every detail was taken into consideration and that we, the grandparents, would enjoy a special day with our grandchildren.

First, we were greeted with a lavish and sumptuous breakfast. The older boys were assigned to escort us (so we wouldn’t get lost) to our grandchildren’s classrooms for a Hebrew and General Studies interactive lesson. The respect and dignity they displayed carrying out their responsibilities was truly commendable.

To see the joy and happiness on my grandson’s face as he welcomed us into his classroom was a sight to behold. In the classroom we were given an opportunity to see the children in their element, participating and learning with their moros, teachers, and rebbeim. Together with our grandchildren we were escorted to a Grand Assembly where we were greeted with warm and welcoming words by Rabbi Yehuda Lefkovitz, a Dvar Torah given by the students, a video presentation, and a choir. As I sat there amongst the grandparents, I wondered how many grandparents came from a generation where Yiddishkeit was challenged, how many found it a struggle to send their own children to Yeshiva, and how many more perished in the Holocaust. And yet here we were in a room filled with over 600 students linked arm in arm, singing, swaying, and clapping to the beautiful melodies of the past, present, and future with smiles of joy and simcha on their faces. The energy and excitement was tremendous. It was truly a magical moment that brought chills and tears

to everyone in the room. Our grandchildren were embracing Torah and its values with so much love and enthusiasm, giving us the nachas that they will continue the link that binds the Jewish people from one generation to the next. We would like to say thank you, thank you, to Rabbi Yehuda Lefkovitz, Rabbi Nachman Kahana, Mrs. Leah Girnun, Mrs. Beily Rosen, and the committees and volunteers for a magnificent day and the opportunity to create beautiful memories with our grandchildren. We could feel the warmth and camaraderie throughout the school and the desire to make every child feel special, instilling within them a strong sense of Torah values and achdus and the importance of being a mentsch. However, what made the day beyond special and gave me the biggest nachas, as I am sure all the grandparents felt as well, was to see the achdus, warmth, and Simcas Hachaim that transcended far beyond anything else, and which created a moment that every grandparent and grandchild will cherish forever. We can honestly say that we are PROUD TA GRANDPARENTS! Bernice and Bennett Pleeter

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Jews in Baltimore who wish to attend will have the opportunity to do so. If your shul would like to participate next year, feel free to contact Ben Tzi-

on Luchansky at 410.913.0791, or the national NJOP Office. In the meantime, Suburban Orthodox already has begun its preparations for this year’s

Passover Across America program – stay tuned for details, which will be provided in the coming weeks.

MARCH 13, 2014

On Friday night, March 7, 2014, a gathering of 305 Jews from all walks of life joined together at Suburban Orthodox Congregation to celebrate an amazing Shabbat Across America program. Shabbat Across America is a beautiful program created by NJOP (National Jewish Outreach Program) designed to bring together Jews who regularly observe Shabbos with Jews who do not regularly observe Shabbos, to share the wonder of Shabbos together. That was precisely the magical mix that could be found at Suburban last Friday night, an evening that was organized and conducted by Rabbi and Rebbetzin Shmuel Silber, with the assistance of a dedicated staff of volunteers. Candle-lighting, an explanatory mincha/maariv service, and an elegant dinner catered by Yonasan Kaplan, served as the foundation for lively conversations about G-d and Shabbos, and plenty of laughs, as hundreds of people experienced the warmth of getting to know each other around the Shabbos table.

Speaking to the group, Rabbi Silber celebrated the differences among Jews, noting that while we all share the characteristic of being Jewish, each of us nevertheless has a unique and individual relationship with G-d.

This individuality is captured in the foundational declaration of Jewish unity, the Shema, which states, “Hear, O Israel, the L-rd is our G-d, the L-rd is One.” Rabbi Silber explained that while Hashem is the G-d of all of us, His relationship with each of us is singular – it is one. Friday night’s Shabbat Across America program provided a unique opportunity for 305 individuals to join together to experience Shabbos and to explore both their collective and personal relationships with G-d in the process.

Friday night’s program was a sellout, and there were many other people who wanted to join but could not be accommodated. NJOP and Suburban Orthodox encourage other local shuls to participate in the Shabbat Across America program next year so that all

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Chai Lifeline Makes Magic with Baltimore Blast Soccer Team In Jewish communities the world over, Chai Lifeline is a name synonymous with healing and hope. Who among us has not heard about their compassion and competence in dealing with children and families facing a life-threatening or life-long illness?

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mensely disappointed in himself and frustrated at the cards he was dealt.

Determined to give Yanees a good experience that would serve as a source of encouragement both on and off the turf, Tzvi reached out to the Baltimore Blast, an American professional indoor soccer team in the Major Indoor Soccer League.

“I really just felt that Yanees needed a little magic in his life: a day, a moment, an experience that would rejuvenate him and revitalize him. His schoolmates do not understand the journey he has been on. They see him

port is no longer a luxury for a Jewish community; it is a necessity.

Growing up overseas and a big fan of soccer, Yanees Dobberstein had to put his favorite sport aside as his cancer treatment began and the side effects of chemotherapy set in. The week of his cancer diagnosis in April 2011 he missed his team’s championship game. His life was put on hold, and this little boy’s youth was sidelined. Health became a priority, and his carefree childhood became a luxury.

5/3/13 2:53 PM

Since 1987, Chai Lifeline’s mission has been to restore the light of childhood to children whose innocence end when life-threatening or life-long illness is diagnosed. That is their mission statement, and to see them in action is to witness an efficient and capable organization comprised of an elite group of dedicated and creative volunteers.

Chai Lifeline provided Yanees and his entire family with the crucial support that they required in dealing with their medical crisis. Yanees attended Camp Simcha in the summer where for two weeks he was able to entirely disconnect from the world of pediatric cancer and be surrounded by a fun environment created solely for the purpose of restoring hope and happiness to children all over the world just like him.

Nearly a year into remission, it came to the attention of Chai Lifeline volunteer Tzvi Haber that Yanees was having a difficult time adjusting to the reality of his life post-treatment. Once the team captain of his soccer team, Yanees found himself struggling to be as active as he once was. He was tired and weak. The cancer and the aggressive treatment had taken their toll on his body. He told his mother he no longer wanted to play the sport that he once had cherished. Yanees was im-

as the boy with cancer. I wanted Yanees to be surrounded by athletes he admired who saw him as the boy who beat cancer. Yanees the Superstar.”

Thanks to the generosity of the Baltimore Blast, that is exactly what occurred. Yanees spent the day training with the players, participated in a practice game, and even got to score the winning goal! He got an autographed football from the entire team and his whole family was invited to watch the upcoming game as VIP guests of the Baltimore Blast.

Watching Yanees on the turf, his parents noticed something return: “His smile,” said his dad. “You can see how happy he is right now to being doing something he loves.” Yanees’s mother kept pointing at Yanees as he ran up and down the field, enthusiastically repeating, “That’s my boy! You see that smile? That is my Yanees.”

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Maccabeats OCA Concert Honors Dr. Peter and Mrs. Rosemary Warschawski On Sunday evening, March 2nd, only several hours before the latest winter storm, over 900 people (many from Silver Spring and Virginia) flocked to Ohr Chadash Academy’s Annual Concert Fundraiser featuring the world renowned Maccabeats. The event, held at Bnos Yisroel, began with a beautiful, intimate reception to honor Dr. Peter and Mrs. Rosemary Warschawski.

The Warschawskis are vital members of the OCA Board of Directors and Leadership Team and dedicate their time and expertise to enhancing Ohr Chadash’s development and excellence. Laura Leventhal’s elegant decoration of the room set the tone for a classy affair, to complement an alluring display of food by Sweet and Good Catering including seared tuna, sushi, chicken satay with peanut sauce, beef stuffed mushrooms, Moroccan cigars, spinach dip stuffed cherry tomatoes, mini chocolate mousse, and chocolate chip cookies that kept you going back for more.

Ari Taragin, Ohr Chadash Board President, welcomed everyone at the reception and then spoke about the dedication of the Warschawskis and their contributions to OCA. He then introduced Councilwoman Rikki Spector and Councilwoman Vicky Almond who came to give citations to

the honorees. Linda Hurwitz, Chair of Planning and Allocations for the Associated, expressed her appreciation for what the Warschawskis provide to the community as well as for what OCA provides to the community. The Associated has been instrumental in assisting Ohr Chadash’s growth from its inception until now. Following the event Ms. Hurwitz said, “The passion, vision, and purpose of Ohr Chadash was so evident not only in the pre-event, but in the faces and participation of the almost 1,000 attendees for the entertaining event as well.”

Terri Rosen, Chair of the event, presented the honorees with a beautiful tzedakah box, symbolizing the abundant tzedakah that the Warschawskis give to the community and to OCA. She explained that tzedakah is not just about giving, but how you give, and that the Warschawskis give with a smile, an earnest desire to give, and excellence. Dr. and Mrs. Warschawski both spoke individually about why they chose to get involved with Ohr Chadash and thanked everyone who assisted with the event and their friends and family who supported the event.

They concluded with a surprising announcement: they will be launching an endowment fund for Ohr Chadash with an initial donation of $50,000, and they hope that the community will contrib-

ute as well.

As the reception ended, seats began to fill up for the concert. Excited teenagers and children were already singing the Maccabeats’ songs in their seats. Rabbi Moshe Margolese, Principal of Ohr Chadash, was the MC for the evening and introduced the opening band, the Berman Beats, a new a cappella group from the Melvin J. Berman Hebrew Academy in Silver Spring. The talented band started the concert with two songs and warmed up the crowd.

Then the clapping and cheering began in anticipation of the Maccabeats, who brought instant energy as soon as they appeared on stage. To end off their first set, the Maccabeats called up the Berman Beats to join them in singing Al Hanissim, appropriate for Rosh Chodesh Adar.

While singing is what they do best, the Maccabeats did not just come and perform beautifully, but they taught the audience things as well. Multiple times during the show they explained how they make certain sounds, and taught the audience how to beatbox by repeating the words boots and cats.

Akiva Elman delighted the fans when he went up on stage for a lesson. He seemed

ready to join the Maccabeats, mastering beatbox already at such a young age. As a new component of their performance, the band requested complete silence for one full song and miraculously got 900 people, including children, to barely utter a sound. They put down their microphones and stepped off stage into the audience to perform Oseh Shalom using just the vibrations of their voices to convey the soul of music in its purest form. To conclude their performance, the Maccabeats sang their popular song, One Day, which had kids and teenagers climbing on stage to sing and dance along.

Of course the Maccabeats couldn’t leave without singing their signature song, and while some people got up to leave after they said their goodbye, the diehard fans began to chant, “Candlelight!” The Maccabeats did not disappoint, encouraging the fans to stand up and sing along to Candlelight, ending a wonderful community event put on by Ohr Chadash.

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14

The Week Global Mystery Swirls around Malaysia Airlines’ Flight 370 Shortly before 1AM on Saturday, Malaysia Airlines Flight 370 took off from Kulala Lumpur. There were 227 passengers and 12 crew members on the flight; they never made it to their intended destination. A short time into the flight, the plane disappeared somewhere between Malaysia and Vietnam.

There was no “may day” call and no call for help or distress from the pilots; the plane and its passengers simply vanished.

Since that fateful day, teams of searchers from myriad countries— Vietnam, China, Singapore, Indonesia, the United States, Thailand, Australia, the Philippines and New Zealand— have been working alongside Malaysians to scour the Gulf of Thailand, Andaman Sea, and part of the South China Sea. Searchers have been combing every inch of the waters—so far there have been no signs of debris anywhere; it’s almost as if the plane simply vanished from the Earth.

But despite desperate and numerous searches, time is not on their side.

“Every day that goes by, it makes the search area much, much larger,” said David Gallo, who helped lead the search for the wreckage of Air France Flight 447 after that plane crashed in 2009. “We’ve only explored about 7% of the world beneath the sea, and there’s a reason for that. It’s slow going, and it’s difficult. So, with every day that passes by, crucial time is passing.”

Authorities now say that there is evidence that the plane might have tried to turn back. As such, the search area has been widened.

Initially, some speculated that there was an explosion, but the absence of debris suggest otherwise. Others were concerned about terrorism—there were two passengers on the plane with stolen passports, but some point out that stolen passports are common-

ly found in Malaysia. Could it have been hijacked? “We are looking at every angle, every aspect,” an official said. “We are looking at every inch of the sea.” Perhaps we will never know what exactly took place on the flight until searchers locate the flight data recorder which will contain vital flight information.

Distraught relatives of the 227 passengers and 12 crew members onboard have been gathering and demanding “truth” from the airline. They are just as in the dark about the situation as everyone else and their anguish and pain is apparent. The airline has offered to fly relatives of passengers living in the China to Kuala Lumpur so they can be closer to the site. Two-thirds of the passengers on board were from China.

Kim Jong Un Wins 100% of Vote

In News In the previous elections, 687 deputies were chosen. This is first time the election had been held since Kim inherited power after the death of his father, Kim Jong Il, in 2011.

“This is an expression of all the service personnel and people’s absolute support and profound trust in supreme leader Kim Jong Un as they single-mindedly remain loyal to him,” the state-run Korean Central News Agency announced.

It’s interesting that these are even called elections. Voters have no choice who to vote for — there is only one candidate’s name on the ballot for each district. Instead, they have the choice of voting yes or no, and according to official accounts virtually all choose yes. North Korea also typically puts turnout nationwide at over 99 percent.

“I will simply say that is not a model for democracy around the world,” U.S. State Department spokeswoman Jen Psaki pointed out.

Still Searching Three Years after Japan’s Tsunami

In an unsurprising result, North Korean state media reported on Monday that supreme leader Kim Jong Un won with unanimous approval to the highest legislative body in the country. There was no challenger on the ballot, and North Koreans turned out in droves; there was a 100 percent turnout in the election.

North Koreans went to the polls on Sunday to approve the new roster of deputies for the Supreme People’s Assembly, the country’s legislature.

The vote, more a political ritual than an election by Western standards, is generally held once every five years.

Though results for the other seats in the assembly had not yet been announced, North Korea’s media quickly reported Kim had won in his district — located on the symbolic Mount Paekdu — without a single dissenting ballot.

On Friday, March 11, 2011 at 3:21pm, Yasuo Takamatsu, 57, received a simple text message from his wife, Yuko, “I want to go home.” It was sent after a huge undersea earthquake shook Japan and unleashed a towering tsunami across the coast.

“That was the last message from her,” Yasuo says. “I feel terrible thinking she is still out there. I want to bring her home as soon as possible,” he said.

Three years after Yuko’s disappearance, Yasuo is still searching for his wife. He has learned that all the bank employees where Yuko worked ran to the rooftop to escape the swirling waters. But he was told that all of them died.

“She was a gentle and kind person,” said Takamatsu. “She would always be next to me, physically and mentally. I miss her, I miss the big part of me that was her.”

Weeks after the tsunami, workers found Yuko’s cellphone. After drying it out, Yasuo managed to retrieve her last text message that she tried to send to him. “Tsunami huge,” but it was never sent.

Yasuo still does not give up hope.

A bus driver by trade, he spends his days scuba diving, desperately searching for her remains off the coast.

The search for Yuko’s body may be futile. When the 66-foot waves rushed back to sea, it took homes, cars and the bodies of the thousands it killed. Officially, more than 15,800 are known to have died in the disaster, Japan’s worst peacetime loss of life. Another 2,636 are listed as missing.

Despite the odds, the relatives of those who disappeared will feel no peace until they can put their loved ones to rest. Three years after the disaster, Japan is not officially prepared to give up the search for its missing. Police, coastguard officers and volunteers have mobilized in their thousands to comb muddy areas around the mouths of rivers or to scour the seabed. Search squads still recover some human remains.

Yasuo knows that the chances of finding his wife are slim. In the three years since she died, swirling currents have carried all sorts of things across the Pacific; many others have sunk deep into the ocean.

But he knows that he cannot stop trying. “I still feel just as I did when the disaster hit. Emotion-wise, I have not moved a bit since then,” he said. “I will feel like this, I think, until I find her. I do want to find her, but I also feel that she may never be discovered. The ocean is way too vast.

“But I have to keep looking.”

Firsthand Account from Kiev Anderson Cooper called Kiev’s Independence Square “one of the most extraordinary locations” he has ever broadcasted from.

Anderson described the scene saying, “Hundreds of people if not thousands come every single day to pay their respects to those who died here, people they considered martyrs...They bring flowers, pile them up here, there are mementos of the fight.”

Cooper added that the scene “feels like something out of World War II.” Although Cooper’s reporting reaches millions worldwide and he covers remarkable events, he travels with just two people, a producer and a cameraman.

Egypt’s Government Resigns

Egypt’s government resigned last Monday. “[The outgoing government] made every effort to get Egypt out of the narrow tunnel in terms of security, economic pressures and political confusion,” Prime Minister Hazem el-Be-

blawi said in a live nationwide speech.

Beblawi was chosen to run the country’s affairs until the election.

This clears the way for army chief Field Marshal Abdel Fattah al-Sisi to declare his candidacy for president.

Sisi is required to step down from his post as defense minister in order to run for president. “This [government resignation] was done as a step that was needed ahead of Sisi’s announcement that he will run for president,” an Egyptian official said. He told Reuters that the cabinet had resigned en masse as Sisi did not want to appear to be acting alone.

Government spokesman Hany Salah refused to give a direct reason for the decision and only said, “This government feels that it did what it had to do in this critical period, and maybe it’s time for a change.”

Saudis Name Muslim Brotherhood a Terrorist Group

less well-known internal Shiite group called Hezbollah in the Hijaz.

Saudi Arabia and other conservative Gulf monarchies have been hostile towards the Muslim Brotherhood, fearing that its attitude of grassroots activism and political Islam could challenge their authority.

Earlier this year, King Abdullah decreed jail time of up to 20 years for belonging to “terrorist groups” and fighting abroad. Supporting such groups, adopting their ideology or promoting them “through speech or writing” would incur prison terms, the decree stated.

Similar sentences will be passed on those belonging to “extremist religious and ideological groups, or those classified as terrorist organizations, domestically, regionally and internationally,” state news agency SPA said at the time.

Saudi Arabia set up specialized terrorism courts in 2011 to try nationals and foreigners accused of belonging to Al Qaeda.

Israel Iranian Official: Reports of Israel Seizing Ship is “Western-Hebrew Propaganda”

Brig.-Gen.

Massoud



 The Muslim Brotherhood has officially been labeled a terrorist organization by Saudi Arabia. The country demanded that citizens fighting abroad return within 15 days or risk imprisonment.

This announcement symbolizes an increase in opposition against the Muslim Brotherhood of deposed Egyptian president Mohammed Morsi. It also indicates the unease of the impending return of Saudis extremists from Syria.

Saudi Arabia also listed Al-Nusra Front, which is Al-Qaeda’s official Syrian affiliate, and the Islamic State of Iraq and the Levant (ISIL), a group fighting in both Syria and Iraq, as terrorist organizations. It also listed as terrorist groups the Shiite Huthi rebels fighting in northern Yemen and a

Jazayeri,

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 



                                  

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       

MARCH 13, 2014

The CNN anchor has traveled the world to bring viewers firsthand accounts of newsworthy events. The recent political tensions in Ukraine brought Cooper to the European city early last week.

In the two weeks since Ukraine’s president, Viktor Yanukovich, was overthrown, dozens have perished.

Independence Square was the scene of ruthless fighting as anti-government protesters clashed with police. The square is now filled with memorials to those who died.

In News

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The Week Iran’s deputy chief of staff of the Iranian armed forces, announced that despite reports that Israel seized an Iranian ship smuggling weapons on Saturday, those reports are just Zionist lies.

“The Americans and the Zionists have probably ordered to Hollywood the production of a movie with the scenario of a cargo ship carrying Iranian weapons to Gaza in Palestine,” said Jazayeri according to Iran’s Fars news agency.

“Their fake and repetitious media products as well as psychological operations will have no achievement other than defeat, humiliation and deepening the Iranian nation and even the world people’s mistrust of them,” he said.

On Saturday, Israeli Navy ships escorted the commandeered freighter to Eilat Port after intercepting it last week in the Red Sea, some 150 km. from Port Sudan and 1,500 km. from Israeli shores. Before being intercepted, the ship was heading for Port Sudan, where the Iranian Quds Force had planned to pick up the rockets on board and move them overland via Egypt and into Gaza through smuggling tunnels, the IDF said.

Jazayeri said that the Israelis and Americans have admitted that the seizure was a coordinated operation and was part of their “Iranophobia scenario,” which was staged as part of their “chronic fabrications,” which are “common in the culture of liberal democracy and Western-Hebrew propaganda.”

“The westerners should seriously reconsider their warmongering policies against the freedom-seeking nations and the oppressed people of Palestine and also put aside their terrorist and inhumane acts,” he said.

Meanwhile, on Monday, President Hassan Rouhani flexed his muscles and said that the Islamic Republic is recognized as the strongest power in the Middle East. “Today, it is clear to everyone that the strongest, greatest and mightiest country in the region is currently the Islamic Republic of Iran,” said Rouhani at an event commemorating Iranian martyrs, Iran’s Tasnim News Agency reported.

During his recent visit to Los Angeles, Netanyahu compared Iran’s leadership to Adolf Hitler. “He called

then for the destruction of Israel and Iran today calls for the destruction of Israel,” Netanyahu said. “We shall not allow Iran to arm itself with the capability to destroy us.”

It’s a Bird…It’s a Plane…It’s the Elders of Zion According to Lebanon’s Al-Manar TV, the Jews are taking over Hollywood, and by extension all of America.

The Hezbollah-owned station claims that the Jews seek to rule public opinion in the U.S. through the invention of movie characters such as Superman and other popular superheroes.

In a feature aired last week, AlManar alleged that Hollywood is a Jewish invention created with the nefarious purpose of “taking over the world’s greatest power, controlling all aspect of her daily life and harnessing it in service to Jewish interests all over the world.” According to the Hezbollah mouthpiece, American Jews felt rejected and so are trying to change American public opinion by inventing movie characters to serve as role models.

To strengthen their assertions, AlManar spoke to a Professor Farroukh Majidi, who argued vigorously that the most dangerous thing in the world is the culture of the Jewish people, which contaminates the whole world through movies and television shows featuring heroes inspired by Jewish

In News figures. The world, Majidi warned, must be wary of the intrusion of Jewish culture and fight against it.

Jacob Hagouel, head of the Department for Combatting Anti-Semitism at the World Zionist Organization, said in response: “Anti-Semitism continues to raise its head in the Arab world.

It is now 2014, but the messages we are hearing are straight from the eve of World War II. Whole generations of viewers are being raised on systematic anti-Semitic propaganda.”

National Mississippi Takes the Cake

Abba: Israel is Not a Jewish State

Some people seem to always sound like a broken record. Palestinian Authority President Mahmoud Abbas said this week that the Palestinians would not recognize Israel as a Jewish state at a meeting with students in Ramallah. There is “no way” that he will agree to recognition, Abbas was quoted as saying.

Netanyahu most recently repeated his request for recognition during his speech at AIPAC’s 2014 Policy Conference. “Recognize it. No excuses.

No delays. It’s time,” he told the audience.

Abbas also reiterated his position that the capital of a future Palestinian state will be east Jerusalem in its entirety, rather than just a portion. He emphasized that if negotiations fail, he would encourage “popular resistance” as a pathway to peace.

Abbas is set to meet with Secretary of State John Kerry in Washington on March 17. The nine-month period that Kerry designated for negotiations is set to end on April 29. While Netanyahu has pressured President Obama to extend the talks to the end of the year, the PA has opposed this suggestion.

Mississippi is not just the state with the longest name. According to Gallup, it is also the state with the largest waistline.

Since Gallup starting tracking obesity rates in 2008, Mississippi, West Virginia, Louisiana, Arkansas, and Kentucky have consistently been included in the top ten states with the highest obesity rates in the nation. On the other side of the scale, Colorado, Massachusetts, Connecticut, and California have been listed in the roster of states with the lowest obesity rates.

In general, southern and mid-western states boast the highest levels while northeastern and western states generally boast the lowest.

Of key concern is that more than two in 10 adults were obese in nearly every state in 2013, with the exception of Montana last year. Three in 10 adults were obese in 11 states — Mississippi, West Virginia, Delaware, Louisiana, Arkansas, South Carolina, Tennessee, Ohio, Kentucky, Oklahoma, and Alaska — compared with only five states in 2012.

It was also noted that in the 10 states with the highest obesity rates, residents are more likely to report that they have a chronic disease like high blood pressure, high cholesterol, or depression.

So which states took the cake (pun intended) for highest obesity rates in the nation last year? Mississippi: 35.4%, West Virginia: 34.4%, Delaware: 34.3%, Louisiana: 32.7%, Arkansas: 32.3%, South Carolina:

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The Week 31.4%, Tennessee: 31.3%, Ohio: 30.9%, Kentucky: 30.6%, and Oklahoma: 30.5%.

The states with the lowest obesity rates included: Montana: 19.6%, Colorado: 20.4%, Nevada: 21.1%, Minnesota: 22.0%, Massachusetts: 22.2%, Connecticut: 23.2%, New Mexico: 23.5%, California: 23.6%, Hawaii: 23.7%, and New York: 24.0%.

Get off those couches, America, and lace up your gym shoes!

Anger can Kill

Being angry doesn’t just make steam come out of your ears; it can actually kill you.

Harvard researchers who analyzed decades of evidence on links between anger and cardiovascular events, concluded that in the two hours following an outburst of anger, there is a higher risk of heart attack, stroke or other cardiovascular events.

First author Dr. Elizabeth Mostofsky and colleagues found that – compared with when they are not angry – a person’s risk of heart attack rises nearly five-fold, and the risk of stroke more than three-fold, in the two hours

following an outburst of anger. Their risk of abnormal heartbeat or ventricular arrhythmia also goes up. The risk increased even more in those who have a previous history of heart problems.

Dr. Mostofsky pointed out, “Although the risk of experiencing an acute cardiovascular event with any single outburst of anger is relatively low, the risk can accumulate for people with frequent episodes of anger.

This is particularly important for people who have higher risk due to other underlying risk factors or those who have already had a heart attack, stroke or diabetes.”

Dr. Mostofsky explains that a person with few risk factors who has only one anger outburst per month has a very small additional risk of heart attack or stroke, but someone who has several risk factors already, and is often angry, has a much higher risk that accumulates over time.

Time to start doing those breathing exercises.

Bernanke Makes More in 40 Minutes than all of Last Year The headline may sound unbelievable but it’s true. On Tuesday, Reuters reported that Ben Bernanke made more in 40 minutes than he made all of last year as head of the U.S. Federal Reserve.

That’s right. Earlier this week, Ben Bernanke, former chairman of the

In News U.S. central bank, took the stage at a conference in the United Arab Emirates and made “at least” $250,000. The previous year, as Fed chair, he’d only made $199,700. He made more speaking for 40 minutes—not even giving a speech, just being in conversation— than he did shaping the world’s largest economy for a year.

To break it down even further, it took approximately 1/50th of a second to take the photo of his speech.

During that miniscule amount of time, Bernanke made more than $2.08.

This was his first public appearance since stepping down as America’s central banker. I’m not an economist but I can tell you that it seems pretty lucrative.

Newest Bush on the Political Scene

The Bush family’s newest political member is on the scene in Texas for the first time. George P. Bush has secured the Republican nomination for the little-known but powerful post of Texas land commissioner. The land commissioner administers Texas’ vast, state-owned lands and mineral resources, and it’s a job that is seen as a stepping-stone to higher office. David Dewhurst was land commissioner before becoming lieutenant governor in 2003.

Bush is a 37-year-old attorney from Fort Worth. Politics is in his blood. He is the grandson of former President George H.W. Bush, nephew of former President and Texas Gov. George W. Bush, and son of ex-Florida Gov. Jeb Bush, who is frequently mentioned as a possible GOP White House hopeful in 2016. Bush taught school in inner city Miami before earning a law degree from the University of Texas and clerking for a federal judge. In 2010, he served an eight-month tour in Afghanistan with U.S. Naval Intelligence under an assumed name.

He also speaks Spanish as his mother, Columba, was born in Mexico. Republican leaders have highlighted this fact as a key to wooing voters among Texas’ booming Hispanic population. “We don’t have to change our conservative principles to win, we just need to change our tactics,” said Bush, who spoke English and Spanish to the adoring crowd at his victory party at a Fort Worth Mexican restaurant.

There was no incumbent running and Bush used his American political-royalty surname to raise more than $3.5 million while his opponent, East Texas businessman David Watts, could barely afford to travel the state. Bush immediately becomes the overwhelming favorite in November against Democratic nominee and former El Paso Mayor John Cook.

Rich Tax Battle Rages On

The ongoing ping pong battle over Pre-K funding took another turn this week. NYC Mayor Bill de Blasio now says that he’s ready to drop his request for state approval to tax wealthy NYC residents if funding provided by the state is stable enough to provide for universal prekindergarten program.

“I’m absolutely open to an alternative that gets the job done,” he said, add-

Smile: You’re in North Dakota

The SATs Revamped

dents. This will hopefully offer everyone a fair shot.

That’s Odd This is Crazy; I’m your Baby

The fifty states have been weighed and measured for how many smiles they contain. In order to assess the happiness of each state, a well-being index was drawn up based on more than 176,000 interviews. Well-being effectively reflects health, employment, education and the local environment.

In states with high well-being scores, residents were less likely to smoke and more likely to exercise regularly and learn new things every day.

These states also enjoyed the positive outcomes of such behaviors, including lower obesity rates and other common health problems.

Interestingly, money is not needed to buy happiness; a number of the highest-ranking states were not especially wealthy. That’s because although it’s true that “for the most part, well-being goes up with income,” Witters said, factors such as emotional health eventually tend to level out: For individuals, “emotional health scores kind of hit their peak at about $75,000 a year. And after that point, they really don’t get any better. However, while states with high well-being scores did not necessarily have high incomes, they often had other advantages, such as high educational attainment and low unemployment.”

Unfortunately, none of the top ten are even close to the tri-state area, but hopefully next year! Here is a list of the top ten happiest states: 10. Iowa 9. Washington 8. Hawaii 7.Colorado 6. Vermont 5.Montana 4. Minnesota 3. Nebraska 2. South Dakota 1. North Dakota

The SATs present a huge pressure for high school students throughout the country. Recent changes to the Scholastic Aptitude Test will cause many anxious teenagers to breathe a sigh of relief.

In spring 2016, the dreaded essay portion of the exam will become optional.

David Coleman, president of the College Board, the organization that administers the SAT, says that the goal is for the SAT to regain its purpose of leveling the playing field instead of making a college education less accessible to groups of students who do not score high on the SATs. The SAT was created in 1926 and is based on an intelligence test given to World War I soldiers. Studies documented that students whose families had access to expensive tutors who focused solely on preparing students for the SATs scored higher. Coleman feels that such findings prove that the current SATs do not accomplish what they are intended to do.

The SAT prep market is a $4.5-billion-a-year industry that caters mostly to the concerned rich American parent who hopes to beat the system by having someone teach their child the strategies needed to tackle the exam.

Coleman referred to some test prep providers as “predators.” Companies such as Kaplan and Princeton Review charge up to $1,000 for courses, and private tutors rake up to $15,000 throughout the year.

To oppose the companies and individuals who make money off of teenagers and their anxious parents, the College Board is partnering with the nonprofit Khan Academy, the makers of popular online tutorial videos that assist students in everything from chemistry to algebra to art history, to create a free program to prepare stu-

MARCH 13, 2014

ing emphasis to the second part of the sentence. Yet he still maintained that his idea to increase income taxes on people earning over $500,000 is the best option.

The mayor and the governor, who repeated his offer to fund Pre-K with state funds again this week, appeared to be moving toward a state-funded solution. Then in a turnaround, the mayor’s office released a statement praising Speaker Sheldon Silver and the Assembly Majority for committing to “stable, sufficient and dedicated funding needed to ensure full-day pre-K for every child in New York City—as well as after-school programs for every middle-schooler.”

“Together, these legislators are standing up for our families and our future,” de Blasio stated. De Blasio was referring to a bill sponsored by New York state senator Adriano Espaillat authorizing de Blasio’s rich tax. The bill “authorizes the increase of tax by .75 percent on city taxable income greater than $500,000 to fund universal pre-kindergarten and after-school programs.”

In his budget proposal, Cuomo offered $1.5 billion over five years to fund Pre-K statewide. That is less than the $1.7 billion de Blasio planned for the city alone. But the governor repeatedly said he has whatever money Pre-K will need. “Forget the numbers,” Cuomo said, “as quickly as cities can bring it online, we will fund it.”

He pointed out even the mayor’s tax plan wouldn’t be rock solid. “There’s nothing that says if you pass a tax you can’t undo the tax,” Cuomo said.

De Blasio said he would accept Cuomo’s offer if it guarantees enough money for five years, but despite their “very good conversations,” they weren’t able to find a common approach. “We haven’t gotten to the point of a five year plan that we could actually hang our hat on,” de Blasio said.

The rich tax would yield some $530 million, $340 million of which would serve to expand the city’s Pre-K to full day service for all four-year-olds. The rest of the $190 million would double the seats of middle-school after-school programs.

It’s easy to spend when you’re using someone else’s money.

In News

THE BALTIMORE JEWISH HOME

The Week

19

This baby knew just what to say Last weekend, Army specialist Cole Tesar met his 7-month-old daughter, Harper, for the first time after returning from a nine-month deployment in Afghanistan. It was an emotional reunion for the father but that’s not what made national headlines.

Waiting for her father, Harper’s carriage sported a huge pink sign with the words: Hey, I just met you & this is crazy but my name’s Harper & I’m your baby.

The adorable photo of Harper quickly went viral, although Harper seems to be unimpressed by the attention.

Tesar spoke about seeing his wife, Logan, and holding baby Harper for the first time. “It is kind of different because it is my own baby; it is our own blood. It is definitely special, and it is a pretty good feeling,” he said.

He’s a real troop-er.

Marathon Spelling Bee Finally Names Winner

THE BALTIMORE JEWISH HOME

MARCH 13, 2014

20

The Week Well, it’s been two weeks but the Jackson County Spelling Bee has finally named a winner.

Two weeks ago, BJH reported on two Kansas City-area students who were so good at spelling that spelling bee organizers ran out of words after they duked it out for hours.

On Saturday, after 29 more grueling rounds (wow, these kids are really good), they finally declared a winner. Seventh grader Kush Sharma and fifth grader Sophia Hoffman breezed through words like “boodle” and “slobber” but amazingly, it was the word “stifling” upon which Sophia stumbled. She even seemed puzzled when the buzzer indicated that she got it wrong.

Kush then claimed the title by spelling the word “definition” correctly.

Despite his victory, Kush says he is sad that Sophia slipped up.

During these past two weeks, the two word-lovers became good friends. “I

was pretty sad when she got that word incorrect,” said Kush, who now moves on to the National Spelling Bee in Washington, D.C., in May. “That’s the game, you know? It’s going to come down to one person, whether you’re friends or not.”

In News she made it so far in the bee and that she plans to compete again next year.

Kush said he, too, would be back, and he wouldn’t be surprised if the two dueled even longer next year.

We’re looking forward to seeing them fight it out again; I just wonder how long it will take to declare a winner next year…

Fortune Cookie Makes a Fortune

maker of 4 million fortune cookies a day.

The New York Lottery also announced three other winners on Thursday, including another Bronx resident Syeda Akther, who won $5 million from a scratch-off ticket. Karen Axt, 53, of Manhattan, and Joseph Brown, 60, of Brooklyn, each won $1 million, lottery officials said.

“I took some time contemplating what I will do with the money,” Duvoll announced. “I plan to invest most of it and maybe take a trip to Switzerland to visit family.”

Keep eating those Chinese meals, Emma, they’re worth a fortune!

The McDonald’s Diet: Lose Weight and Look Great Sophia said she was excited that Ever read those lovely thoughts found in fortune cookies after a Chinese meal? “Others enjoy your company,” “You will have many happy days soon,” or “You are talented in many ways” are nice ideas but most people don’t give them a second thought.

Emma Duvoll, 75, paid a little more attention than most to her Chinese dessert and it certainly paid off.

The Bronx resident won a $2 million payday playing the Powerball drawing after using numbers that were printed on her fortune cookie, the New York lottery announced on Thursday.

“I was surprised, but pleased,” the winner related. Five of the numbers on the cookie matched the lotto numbers. After opting for a one-time lump sum, she won a total of $1,246,085 after taxes.

Duvoll, however, is not the first lottery winner who can credit a fortune cookie for their fortune.

In 2005, 110 people from around the country all hit the same Powerball numbers – each winning about $100,000 – after using numbers from fortune cookies. After an investigation by lottery officials, it was revealed that the cookies all came from Wonton Food in Long Island City, New York,

They say fast food makes you fat but John Cisna’s recent experiment may challenge that age-old ideology.

For six whole months, Cisna ate a strictly all-McDonald’s diet. Now he is claiming that he lost weight and feels healthier.

The high school science teacher of Colo, Iowa, gained national attention for his unconventional weight-loss plan. Cisna says he lost 56 pounds and a total of 21 inches off his chest, waist, and hips. He also claims his cholesterol is actually lower than when he set out on this experiment.

Cisna admits that the results of his experience are unusual and unexpected. But he plans on detailing his weight-loss journey in his book, “My McDonald’s Diet.”

Despite scarfing down Whoppers and Big Macs, Cisna admitted that he is “missing other foods.” Throughout the process Cisna followed a 2,000 calorie diet, using the daily recommended allowances for carbohydrates, proteins, sugar and fat, and he walked 45 minutes a day.

21

Rabbi Meir Tzvi Schuster zt”l “the man at the kotel”

THE BALTIMORE JEWISH HOME

on the occasion of the shloshim of

MARCH 13, 2014

Tuesday, March 18th Etz Chaim Center 3702 Fords Lane 8:00 pm

Featured Speakers HaRav Sheftel neuberger Rabbi Shlomo Porter Rabbi Aaron Gibber

plus stories from members of our community who were touched by Reb Meir zt”l

THE BALTIMORE JEWISH HOME

MARCH 13, 2014

22

The Week

On day one, September 15, the 6-foot-tall teacher weighed 280 pounds, with a body mass index (BMI) of 38, which falls into the obese category. His blood test results show that his total cholesterol dropped from 249 to 190, including a 25 percent decrease in his LDL or “bad cholesterol.” Despite concerns that he was eating too much salt, Cisna said his sodium levels and blood pressure are normal.

Now he clocks in at 224 pounds, and his BMI is down to 30, still within the red zone but very close to simply overweight and not obese.

Morgan Spurlock’s 2004 documentary, “Super Size Me,” was Cisna’s main inspiration. He calls it “irresponsible journalism” and was determined to challenge Spurlock’s findings.

Despite his dedication to his diet, Cisna recalls one day in the last 6 months when he cheated because he was waiting for a flight at LaGuardia Airport and couldn’t find a McDonald’s. “I was starving,” Cisna recalled.

“In front of G-d and the whole world, I admit that that night, I had a bag of cashews, an apple and a diet Pepsi, so that’s the only time that I have broken from the diet.”

Once this experiment is through, Cisna plans to continue sticking to a 2,000 calorie a day diet but he will expand his menu beyond McDonald’s.

Cisna added in, “I’m not recommending anybody do the McDonald’s [diet], but it’s certainly is there for the taking if they want to try it. There are many, many avenues – I’ve just opened up one avenue of a way for people to start to get healthy.”

One thing is for sure: he’s lovin’ it.

One Person’s Junk…

An Alabama couple has discovered that the old junk store pick up they made 44 years ago has turned out to be a pretty good investment. Robert and Janice Morris made a hefty profit

when they sold a clay jug they bought for $12 for $100,000.

Robert and Janice always liked to decorate their rural home with unique items. In DeLoach’s junk store in Fayetteville, Alabama, Mr. Morris found a piece that was definitely a piece all by itself. Janice recalled, “He picked that jug up and I said, ‘Why are you gettin’ that?’” Robert simply replied, “Because I like it.”

They took the large 5-gallon jug home for just $12 and kept it the corner of the den. The jug was not treated delicately and was dropped countless times over the years. “We kicked it around for years. I kept change in it.

The kids played with it,” said Robert.

“At first they were afraid of it so we started dressing him up,” said Janice.

The pottery depicted a man from head to waist and the family would dress up the figurine with different outfits throughout the year, depending on the season.

Recently, Robert decided to pass the jug down to his granddaughter. He also let her know that he always suspected the pottery was valuable. The grandfather said, “It’s folk art and it just, it just had the look to me like it might be worth something.” His granddaughter did some digging online and discovered that Robert was right. The ash-glazed jug from the 1800s was one of only three created by John Lehman, a German-born artist who lived in Alabama’s Randolph County. The jug was made after the Civil War and depicts an African American man in formal dress and hoop earrings. The artist’s initials, “J.L.” are stamped on the lapel of the figure.

When they realized the jug’s history, Robert’s granddaughter returned the vessel to her grandfather. The Morrises then called appraisers to assess its worth. The Birmingham Museum of Art offered Robert $100,000 for the jug and the sale was made. Gail Andrews, the museum director, explained that John Lehman “is considered the most important historic potter in Alabama.” The museum is making some repairs to the piece and will then

In News

be putting it on display.

Not all junk is junky.

BR’s 32nd Flavor? Doll

Garbage Men Goof Coming home and finding your apartment spic and span is usually a very welcome feeling. But for Nilay Shroff, an Upper East Side resident, the cleanliness brought on very different emotions.

Because he never asked for anyone to empty his home of all his earthly possessions, Shroff was pretty upset to find his apartment cleaned out. At first, the 27-year-old thought he had been robbed. But soon he found out that a trash removal service hired by his building goofed and cleaned out the wrong apartment.

Shroff lives in 2D. The trash removal service was supposed to clear out 2B. Someone had recently moved out of that apartment, but didn’t remove all their stuff. The building manager ordered a cleanup, but apparently didn’t give the proper “B as in ‘Boy’, not D as is in ‘Don’t empty apartment 2D’” fail-safe.

Shroff has sued the property management company, his landlord and the contractor who messed up, claiming $40,000 in damages after they failed to make good on promises to replace his belongings. His apartment contained a very large and valuable collection of baseball memorabilia that Shroff had acquired from visiting almost all of the 30 Major League Baseball stadiums. Shroff also lost pictures of his deceased mother, a lot of personal information like his passport and social security card, clothes and more.

Shroff hasn’t revealed how much he’s suing for. His $40,000 figure is just the estimated value of what was taken — the baseball mementos, his clothes, his furniture and everything else he owned.

Whoops…

A lot of young Japanese girls are about to get a very cute brain freeze. In honor of the Hinamatsuri, translated as Girl’s Day or Doll Festival, Baskin Robbins is releasing five new ice cream dolls that come complete with scoops of ice cream and tiny, smiling faces made of marzipan.

In reference to how actual dolls are displayed during Hinamatsuri, Baskin Robbins’ ice cream dolls come displayed in a tiered box to represent the Emperor and Empress—as well as their attendants.

Each doll is made from one of five flavors: Nutty Cream Cheese Brownie, Love in Berry, Orange Sorbet, Love Struck Cheese Cake, and Oreo Chocolate Mint.

No better way to celebrate dolls than by eating ones made of ice cream.

Farmer Builds Mini Lamborghini from Scrap If you are a poor farmer reading The Baltimore Jewish Home right now in China and wishing for a fancy sports car, do something about it!

Follow the lead of Guo, a 50-year-old farmer from the Henan province in Northern China.

Guo’s grandson wanted a toy car and the farmer spent six months building him a scale replica of a Lamborghini Aventador. The car is two meters long and one meter wide, and only cost about 5,000 Yuan ($821). It was welded together using scrapped metal and parts of used bicycles.

Beard for Sale If you have $1 million to spare and

death, Maggs decided to grow out his beard. “Basically no one was growing a beard back then,” he explained. “So we said, let’s all grow beards and every time someone asks us about this stupid thing growing on our face we can share Wes’ story.”

Their plan took off and Wes’ story quickly spread. In fact, it went viral with thousands of supporters posting photos of their facial hair with the hashtag #beardseason.

Maggs

posts photos with fellow bearded supporters — and descriptions of their beards — on the campaign’s Instagram feed and Facebook page.

Maggs calls his asset “the most valuable beard in the world” worthy of its seven-figure price tag.

Growing beards for charity is actually more popular than you may have initially thought. Back in 2003 a group of enthusiasts launched the Movember movement. In order to raise awareness for men’s health, participating individuals do not shave for the entire month of November. In the last decade, the Movember movement expanded globally and more than 4 million people participate in “no-shave November.”

Have they ever heard of sefira?

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MARCH 13, 2014

When its five sets of batteries are fully charged, it can travel as far as 37 miles! It has a working horn, headlights and stereo. The only bad news?

Guo says he uses the car to drive his grandson to school.

I guess even boys with Lamborghinis still have to go to class!

are in search of a rare find, then perhaps you should consider purchasing the “luscious and captivating” beard of Scott Maggs.

The Australian man is selling his beloved beard in order to raise money for skin cancer research; in 2009 his close friend died from the disease.

Maggs, also known as the bearded Jimmy Niggles, launched the campaign, This Is Beard, to pay tribute to his buddy, Wes Bonn.

“When he found out he had a melanoma on his neck, he got it cut out and he thought he might be alright for a while. It was just, like, so quick,” Maggs related. “After Wes passed away, we were saying we need to get the message out there that skin cancer can happen to anyone.”

Shortly after his dear friend’s

In News

THE BALTIMORE JEWISH HOME

The Week

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T H E TJHEEWJ IESWHI SH OHMHEO M n E nM M A RAY C H2143, ,2012 2014

THE BALTIMORE JEWISH HOME

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Purim Mordechai Schmutter

Always Watching I’m not writing a column this week. It’s Purim; if a humor columnist can’t have off on Purim, when can he have off? But don’t worry; I’m leaving you in the capable hands of my non-Jewish neighbor, Tim. Please be aware that any opinions expressed by Tim are not necessarily those of The Jewish Home. Obviously.

I’m an average guy, though I have other traits, And I grew up in one of those flyover states, But due to recession, my life’s been berserk, Ever since I moved out to New Jersey for work.

Though New Jersey’s a punch line, as far’s I can tell.

With the crime, and the accents, and—what is that smell?

I have bought a small house (after only four bids!)

With my wife and my dog and my twopoint-five kids. (“Point five kids?” you ask. “So you just have a piece?”

Well, the truth is I’ve two kids, but one is obese.)

Though the two years I’ve been here have been kind of blurry, I’ve noticed that Jersey is not like Missouri.

For one thing, this place is a lot more diverse, I’m not saying it’s better; not saying it’s worse.

(Though the first week we got here, my wife lost her purse, And she almost threw all of our plans in reverse.

I convinced her

to stay, but she changed all our locks, And she still grabs a weapon when somebody knocks.)

We have all these strange neighbors (You name ‘em, we got ‘em), Who, even in summer, they dress like it’s autumn, Like she wears a wig, and he, a fedora, They keep to themselves, they’re not hard to ignore uh, So I found out they’re Jews and they keep to the Torah, (There weren’t a lot of those back in Missouruh.)

(Though I did later hear from my coworker, Dewey, That there are quite a few of them up in Saint Louis.)

But the truth is I don’t know a lot about Jews, I just know words like bagel, finagle, and schmooze.

I have heard lots of things, some of them overblown, But I like to find out all this stuff on my own.

So I’ve kept a close eye, and I now can explain, That they’re not “good” or “bad,” but I think they’re insane.

They have kids and more kids in ginormous amounts, And they’ve all got these names that I cannot pronounce.

“She’s Kava, I’m Kayim, and this one’s Kanoke.”

(When he said this, I thought he was making a joke.)

“And that is my son,” he said. “His name’s Baruk,” “Like Obama?” I asked. And he gave me a look.

I spend lots of time peering out through my blinds, I don’t look in their homes, so I hope no one minds.

They come out in their suits, like at least once a week, “Are there weddings that often?” I ask as I peek.

But though they keep their distance, they do seem polite, Like I see them in crowds on a Saturday night, They are reading their books and pointing at the moon.

So that is a friendship I’ve had to forgo, Though we do sometimes “schmooze” while we’re shoveling snow.

And sometimes on weekends he comes by to grouse, And he says random things, like, “It’s dark in my house.”

Or, “My radio’s on,” or “My A.C.’s on fan,” Or, “The lights are on in my twelve-passenger van.”

Though I’d like to respond, I don’t know what to say.

So I nod and I hope that he’ll just go away.

But one time I said, “Look, this sounds so depressing, You’re asking me to do it for you, I’m guessing.”

So I came to his house and I turned off the range, With a house full of people, I felt really strange.

And on the way out, I saw homemade bread, And candles and food – well, it was quite a spread.

“A candlelight meal!” I said with delight, So to make it more classy, I turned off their light.

But he’s not the only Jew I come across, Like for instance, I work for an Orthodox boss.

“He’s a regular boss,” I’d say, “There’s nothing weird.”

Though two times a year he tries to grow a beard.

I have Jewish coworkers; I’d say quite a bunch, They all talk to themselves after eating their lunch.

And sometimes they suddenly throw in some Yiddish, Like they’ll say, “Nexteh voch I am making a Kiddush.”

But I am learning some words, like shindig and oy!

And far-fetched and conniption, and that I’m a goy.

Like this spring, someone offered to sell me his bread, But I am off carbs, so, “No thank you,” I said.

But later he managed to make me a deal, And five bucks for his pantry just felt like a steal.

But to move all that food, I don’t know if I can,

Like this one time, my boss (I don’t think he was sober), He said I’d have off for like most of October.

So that first day I’d nothing to do (‘cept for spying), And I think that I heard like a hundred goats crying.

Then I saw Jews en masse coming outside to bond, They all brought along books, and they prayed at the pond.

I HAVE JEWISH COWORKERS; I’D SAY QUITE A BUNCH, THEY ALL TALK TO THEMSELVES AFTER EATING THEIR LUNCH. The next week I was out; I was mailing my bills, They were walking the street wearing lab coats with frills, So I asked my dear wife if I’d taken my pills, And if our insurance allowed for refills.

And when that was done they spent several days, Running to, running fro, building huts with toupees.

Then they sat in these huts (built with no expertise), And they ate and they sang and they screamed about bees.

Oh, and earlier I passed a stand on the street, And I figured I’d get myself something to eat, They were selling this strange fruit that looked like a lemon, And some were from Israel, and some were from Yemen, So I figured, “Why not?” ‘Cuz it looked really cute, And it always is interesting, trying new fruit.

So I brought my selection to one of the scholars, Who looked with a loupe and he said, “Eighty dollars!”

“Dollars!” I choked. “That cannot be right!”

That’s when I wished that I hadn’t taken a bite.

So now I’ve found a kosher grocery store.

(I don’t nosh before checking the price anymore.)

So I looked all around for some good things to eat.

(Did you know they have separate sponges for meat?)

I’ve tried kishke and kugel and brown, beany mush, And knishes and latkes and babaganoush.

I tried all these new foods, as they all looked okay, Though I shouldn’t have tried them all on the same day.

And I spent the next day lying flat on the floor, I’ll be moaning and cramping ‘til next Yahm Kipoor, I’ll be quite incoherent by then, I dare say, ‘Til the men in the lab coats come take me away.

MARCH 13, 2014

So I leave him alone, ‘cuz he has his ideals, Like politely refusing our offers of meals.

“But we’ll make you roast chicken, potatoes, and greens!”

“It’s not kosher,” he says, like I know what that means.

“So I’ll make kosher pickles and serve kosher salt!

If you can’t feel your tongue, then that won’t be my fault!”

But my issue with this is just that if most Jews do business like this, then our company’s toast.

And that would be bad; I’d be filled with malaise, ‘Cuz I like having off on the most random days.

25 89 89 THE BALTIMORE JEWISH HOME

But this one time I saw a guy out in his suit, (I think Friday night, but that’s probably moot,) So I put on my brakes and I pulled to the side, And spent ten minutes trying to offer a ride.

“It’s cold and it’s dark and you’re so nicely dressed!”

But he said he would walk ‘cuz he needed to rest.

So perhaps I will borrow my neighbor’s big van.

E WI SI SHHH HO OMME Enn M T HT HE EJ EJ W M AY A R C2H4 ,1 2012 3 , 2014

(Some of them have fur hats like they’ve killed a raccoon.)

And then all of a sudden in midst of their tome, They turn to their friends and they all say, “Shalom.”

And then in a turn that I find quite offbeat, They sometimes join hands and they dance in the street.

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THE BALTIMORE JEWISH HOME

MARCH 13, 2014

The Purim

Times

O’Fishel Appointed as New White House Chef As we all know, the White House Executive Chef is responsible for the planning, managing, and preparing of all menus and meals for the First Family and official state functions at the White House.

President Obama, frustrated about the status of the White House food, was recently quoted as saying, “I’m tired of all the Treif food I have been getting.

I want the kosher stuff; it’s better for the Neshoma (soul).” In a completely unexpected move by the White House, Fishel Gross from O’Fishel Catering in Baltimore was appointed

as the new Executive Chef to head the three White House kitchens, a job that includes reporting directly to the chief usher, Usher “Ushie” Greenstein. The president, who was very involved in the audition process, asked to try some of O’ Fishel’s famous turkey salad, and then hired him on the spot. O’Fishel was responsible for preparing 14,000 Matzah Balls for the recent AIPAC convention in Washington.

President Obama personally gave out signed Matzah Balls to all of the attendees to show his support for O’Fishel Caterering.

The Hat Box Starts Selling Streimels and Bekishas While the Hat Box has been in the business of selling fine Borsolino hats for many years now, current trends are changing their plans for future inventory. Moishy Hefter, owner of the Hat Box, feels Streimels are the hats of the future. ”If we make them readily available, people will start wearing them.”

While there is a strong religious custom for Jewish males to cover their heads during prayer, from the standpoint of Jewish law the exact type of covering is unknown. What is known, however, is that the new motto of the store has quickly changed

to the following: “If you are going to wear something on your Feimel (Swahili, for head) please be sure to make it a Streimel!” Although there is much speculation surrounding the origin of the Streimel, Moishy is of the opinion that we need “less speculating and more Streimel wearing.” Every purchase will come with a year of fur maintenance as well as a pre-Pesach chometz brush. Don’t get nervous; the option to add a feather will still be available to those who want that look.

7 Mile Market to Host Next Siyum Hashas to continue filling prescriptions for $10 off throughout the evening. For the female attendees, the 12 foot high, 2.5-mile long mechitza that was drawn during prayers at the last Siyum Hashas will be set up and is expected to reach Sol Levinson’s all the way down Reisterstown Road. So that there will be no confusion, if you are a male and will driving on Reisterstown Road at that time, please be sure to drive on the right side of the Mechitza. Ladies will be on the left.

Satellite broadcasts and web feeds will be streamed to over 100 locations, including those in Chicago, Montreal, Los Angeles, Mexico City, Uruguay, Buenos Aires, Argentina, Melbourne, Hong Kong, and Poland.

H HA HAP HAPP HAPPY

Airport Service

NO charge to

BWI

just take a pamphlet to read on the plane Call 443-982-0939

MARCH 13, 2014

Following the 12th Siyum Hashas at the MetLife Stadium in East Rutherford, New Jersey on August 1st, 2012, it has been decided that the 13th Siyum Hashas will take place in our very own 7 Mile Market! Apparently the 82,500 attendees at the last Siyum are requesting a change of scenery. A spokesman for the Siyum Hashas remarked, “There are no promises that it won’t be a bit stuffy, but we can tell you that no stomachs will be rumbling at this event.” Prime seats will be located in the Goldman’s Bakery section where they will be handing out delicious delicacies.

There will be four jumbotron screens positioned outside the store for the overflow. Levi Friedman has agreed

v

THE BALTIMORE JEWISH HOME

The Purim Times

27

THE BALTIMORE JEWISH HOME

MARCH 13, 2014

28

The Purim

Times

Many Oppose the Apple Store’s Plan to Take Over the Knish Shop

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Angry customers are challenging plans for a new Apple store to take over the Knish Shop. According to inside sources, shoppers oppose any move that will take the Jimmy Sushi out of this town. “Where will we get our volcano rolls? Surely not at an Apple store!” said an irate David Shmecklestein. In response to Baltimore’s high concentration of Apple products, Tim Johnson, Chief Retailer Officer at Apple, set out to find a suitable site for a retail store. After several months of research it was decided that the Knish Shop’s traffic and size made it the perfect location for their new store. According to sources close to the family of the current owners, the negotiated price and terms were extremely favorable to them and it was an offer they couldn’t refuse. One

stipulation that the current owner demanded was that Apple sell subs and Jimmy Sushi to all those that enter, and continue to give out The Baltimore Jewish Home on weekends.

According to unconfirmed reports, ground will be broken for the new store on Monday. Officials from Apple as well as local politicians will be attending the ceremony. The Baltimore Civic Association plans to protest on the site beginning Sunday night continuing through late Monday. Plans to disrupt the ceremony, stop traffic, and fly a large Knish-Sub blimp outside are all unconfirmed rumors at this point. While there are some who are opposed to the new store, many feel that this store will provide a quick turnaround for broken Apple products, something this community really needs.

29

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April 13 for a wedding before Rosh Hashana

Thursday, April 10 • 4-7pm

Moses Montefiore Anshe emunah greengate Jewish center (Formerly LJC) • 7000 Rockland Hills Dr.

Chickens • Pasta & Meat Sauce • Hot Dogs • Burgers • Turkey Shnitzel • Sesame Chicken • Deli Subs • Fries • Salads • Soups • Etc. Most items available most of the time ...vfuz (rjtn ut) osuev kfu

Same prices as far back as we can remember! What were we talking about again?

Adults: $18

Under 18, pay your age!

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Beverages/Desserts $1 each ($10 family max.)

20% grAtuitieS Will be ADDeD tO MeAlS.

Treat your Rebbe, Gabbai, teacher, basketball coach, etc. and the 20% will be waived!

per meAl

ReseRvation Hotline: 443-660-9132 Call eaRly to ReseRve taBles foR 6–16 PeoPle.

Chicken • Challah • Kugels • Salads & More

Call your shabbos Hagadol Order in Early!

Call by Weds., April 9 for pickup 12–3pm Fri., April 11 (Hard as it might be to believe it, we really are talking to you!)

36 Shabbos Hagadol M.A.S.S.ive Special!

$

Main: Any Style Chicken Appetizer: Soup, Fish or Liver side: Any Side, Challah or Cholent side: Another Side, Challah or Cholent serves 4. With coupon. pickup for shabbos hagadol on Friday, April 11, 12-3pm.

©2012 O’Fishel’s. *Price may or may not include taxes, tags, title, well-earned gratuities or highly-trained, eagle-eyed Mashgiach fees. Call for details.

$2K Off Shomrei Package!

For weddings on may 25, June 22 or June 29 Only

$1K Off Shomrei Package!

For weddings on any monday, tuesday or Wednesday from June 16–July 9. With coupon. must be booked with deposit by 7pm erev erev pesach.

Family** Max: $79 ohskh ,ufurc ,ujpank vjbv

20% grAtuitieS Will be ADDeD. 5 Or MOre Club MeMberS Are eNCOurAgeD tO ShOW COMMeNSurAte hAKArAS hAtOv tO Our hArD-WOrKiNg StAFF.

Free Drinks & Desserts!

must present coupon. must be reserved by 3pm monday, march 17th, 2014.

REsERVATIONs HIGHLy RECOMMENdEd

card-carrying or Apron-Wearing Members of the 5 or More club eat Free**, of course! Members of the 10 or More club are Welcome to bring extended Progeny***! ** 2 Parents happily married to each other and all of their children under age 18. *** Ad biyas goel tzedek – ad v’ad bichlal!

Sunday, April 13 • 4-7pm All The sAMe greAT sTuFF As Above

except that everyone pays for this one! Sorry 5 or More Members, but we have to make money at least on occasion (we’ll still treat you really nicely, though)!

sunday only upgrades: salmon: $8 rib steak: $18

Pay for 3 Upgrades, Get 1 Free!

With coupon. must be paid for by 3pm mon., march 17, ‘14. Free upgrade is least expensive item.

O’Fishel Kosher Caterers has been under the continuous supervision of the Star-K since 1979. Our MD State food service permit is #196, and our catering license is #01-002.

MARCH 13, 2014

O’Fishel’s “Let’s See if Advertising in Baltimore Jewish Home Really Works” Specials

NEVER TOGETHER

boy – bJh sure has great graphics and ad copy!

(why pay more?)

Glatt Kosher

STAIMAN DESIGN 410-580-0100

Y+p• +

info@ ofishel.com

Deliveries AvAilAble ThroughouT The MiDATlAnTic

oo our F O’Fi For All Y

443-660-9136

THE BALTIMORE JEWISH HOME

er osh r nt KKoshe a W ho o KeeP h le W P W o e Pe Pl For m Peo Fro

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In the Kitchen

T HE J EWISH HOME n MAY 2 4 , 2012

THE BALTIMORE JEWISH HOME

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T h e J e w i s h h o m e n F e b r u a ry 2 1 , 2013

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Frozen Pina Colada Ingredients 4 oz pineapple juice 2 oz coconut cream 1 cup ice Orange slice for garnish

Preparation In a blender, add 1 cup ice, pineapple juice and cream of coconut. Blend until slushy. Pour into and chilled hurricane glass. Garnish with an orange slice.

Shirley Temple Ingredients 3 oz lemon-lime soda 3 oz ginger ale 1 dash grenadine syrup 1 maraschino cherry for garnish

Strawberry Mojito for a Crowd

Preparation Pour the lemon-lime soda and ginger ale into a glass with ice cubes. Add a dash of grenadine syrup.

Stir and serve!

Ingredients 12 large limes, quartered 20 large mint leaves 7-8 medium strawberries 3/4 cup to 1 cup sugar Ice 1 liter club soda

Preparation Add limes, mint leaves, strawberries and sugar to a sturdy pitcher. Use a long-handled French rolling pin or wooden spoon to muddle or crush the ingredients until mint leaves and strawberries are pulverized and limes have released all their juices.

Add ice and club soda and serve immediately.

You can do everything ahead of time except the addition of ice and soda—do this just before serving.

F lyin’ High Ingredients 3 oz cranberry juice 3 oz grapefruit juice 2 oz peach nectar 1 maraschino cherry

Preparation Pour over ice in a chilled glass and stir. Garnish with a cherry.

Strawberry Colada

Ingredients 7 ripe strawberries 5 oz pineapple juice 1 1/2 oz coconut cream 1 cup crushed ice Preparation Combine the strawberries, pineapple juice, coconut cream and crushed ice in a blender, and blend well at high speed. Pour into a glass, garnish with a cherry and pineapple wedge, and serve.

31

See for yourself why so many people choose Shimmy for their mortgage needs.

Call today for a low rate mortgage–

Shimmy Braun

Vice President of Mortgage Lending

773.290.0344

shimmy@guaranteedrate.com www.guaranteedrate.com/shimmy

NMLS (Nationwide Mortgage Licensing System) ID 2611 • IL - Residential Mortgage Licensee - IDFPR, 122 South Michigan Avenue, Suite 1900, Chicago, Illinois, 60603, 312-793-3000, 3940 N. Ravenswood Ave., Chicago, IL 60613 #MB.0005932 - NMLS: 112849 - IL - 031.0000741, MD - 112849 - 13181, NJ - Licensed - Licensed

MARCH 13, 2014

Shimmy Braun has built his business by providing the best service possible for your home loan. That’s why he has closed 60 million in loans since entering the Baltimore market and was named #4 loan officer in the country according to Scotsman’s Guide.

THE BALTIMORE JEWISH HOME

Great Service is Good Business

THE BALTIMORE JEWISH HOME

MARCH 13, 2014

T H E JTEHW 2014 E IJSE H W HI SOHM EH OnM E MnAMR CAYH 21 43 , 2012

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PuRim ScRamble 1.

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Hcdeamior Ershte Oiehhcssaahr Maanh Hstnaaham Onmsa Hcapahaniv Niwe Uipmr Onisgb sseehhr Thsvia Aavhchon Rordspise Tceumos Hsfi Rrgggea Hhssnau Haatkdez yneoj!

___________________________ ___________________________ ___________________________ ___________________________ ___________________________ ___________________________ ___________________________ ___________________________ ___________________________ ___________________________ ___________________________ ___________________________ ___________________________ ___________________________ ___________________________ ___________________________ ___________________________ ___________________________ ___________________________ ___________________________

Riddle Aviva gets a delivery of three boxes of hamantashen to put in her shalach manos baskets. The first box is marked “raspberry,” the second is marked “apricot,” and the third box is marked “mixed.” The delivery man says, “Sorry, we had so many orders and your boxes are labeled incorrectly.” Aviva doesn’t want to open all the boxes because her kids will eat up all of the hanantashen before she gets to package them up. How could Aviva figure out what is in each box by only taking out one hamantash from one of the boxes?

Answer to Scramble: 1.

Mordechai 2.

Esther 3.

Achashveirosh 4.

Haman 5.

Hamantash 6.

Manos 7.

Vinahapach 8.

Wine 9.

Purim 10.

Bigson

11.

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Sheresh Vashti Charvonah Presidors Costume Fish Gragger Shushan Tzedakah Enjoy

Answer to Riddle: First Aviva takes a hamantash from the box marked “mixed.” If it is a raspberry hamantash she knows that the box can only contain raspberry hamantashen since it can’t be the mixed box. She looks at the other two boxes: one is labeled “apricot” and the other is labeled “raspberry.” Since the boxes are mislabeled she knows that the one that is labeled “apricot” does not actually contain only apricot, rather it is the mixed box. Now she knows that the box labeled “raspberry” must be the apricot box. (The same logic applies is she picks an apricot hamantash from the box labeled “mixed.”)

3. You sing “V’inahapach”: a. All day non-stop. b. At least 55 times. c. I don’t know that song.

4. When you get sprayed with disappearing ink: a. You whip out a super-soaker and shoot the person with gallons of Hawaiian punch. b. You feign shock and make believe you don’t know what it is. Then you laugh and say, “Fooled you last!” c. You scream at the kid and say, “You are going to pay for my cleaning bill.

This stuff really doesn’t come out.”

5. You deliver shalach manos to someone and then two minutes later they present a beautiful shalach manos in return, the only problem is it’s the shalach manos you just gave them: a. You laugh and say, “I knew you would do that…isn’t that what Purim is all about?” b. You say, “Thank you so much. I actually think my shalach manos is the best.

I look forward to eating it.” c. You frown and say, “That is quite insulting. I really worked hard on this shalach manos.”

6. When you are stuck in serious Purim traffic, you: a. Roll down your windows and blast your favorite Purim song. b. You beep your horn in this pattern: beep…beep, beep, beep… beep, beep! Or in this pattern: beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. Or in this pattern: beeeeeeeeeeeep. Or in this pattern: bi…beep.

Or in this pattern…just kidding. c. You get out of your car and scream, “Some of us need to get places!”

PUЯIM PERSONALITY KEY If you answered A or B to all 7 questions: You are fun to be with on Purim….for 5 minutes or less (and you are drunk because there were only 6 questions).

If you answered A or B to 5 questions: You have a healthy Purim personality…the rest of the year, I am not sure about.

If you answered C to 2 or more questions: Wow, you really have to lighten up…drink some Keddem Grape Juice or something!

To my thousands of fans I can tell you that I didn’t go down without a fight. When they called me into the “production meeting” they snuck up on me and tried tackling me. I fought with every last bit of strength. They called the police, but thankfully they were in Dunkin Donuts and didn’t come. I was so strong that I almost escaped.

It got crazy. I tackled three of the security guards and ran for the door. On my way out I grabbed the keys to one of their motorcycles. I actually got out of the door and a guard tried tackling me, but I flipped him over my back like a knapsack. I then jumped on the bike and kick started the engine.

Right as I was about to make my great escape, a three hundred pounder guy dove and pulled my left leg...just like I am pulling yours!

Centerfold Commissioner forever!

Happy Purim!

P.S. Just a reminder to all of my adoring fans. I am very bad with addresses. I will make it my business to stop by your house and bring you an incredible and amazing shalach manos. However, I may get confused and leave it by your neighbor instead. So, if you don’t get your shalach manos from me by 4 PM, knock on your neighbor’s door and ask them for it. If they say that they don’t have it, they are probably telling you a non-truth (aka “a lie”). It’s probably just because they want to keep it for themselves. Be persistent—stomp your feet, ask them to triple check, make them open every kitchen cabinet and under the sink too.

Don’t let them off the hook. If they make believe you are strange, it’s because they are strange; don’t buy their act. Show them this letter to prove it. Don’t leave without the exquisite shalach manos I prepared for you. No need to send me a thank you card.

MARCH 13, 2014

2. When a group of collectors surrounds you and starts singing and dancing: a. You dance with them and have a blast. b. You say, “Wow, that’s an amazing cow costume you are wearing. The most unbelievable thing about it is that you even smell like a cow!” c. You say, “Excuse me please, would you guys please get out of my way.”

I want you to know that I am not writing this voluntarily. I am being held hostage by the horrid and humorless editorial staff of TJH. They will not release me until I announce the following: I will no longer be the Centerfold Commissioner. They want me out because they think I have simply become too arrogant.

What they don’t realize is that it is not arrogance; it’s just that I really am that superior. They will hire a replacement that will probably be as funny as a librarian. Oh, they also say that I stereotype people, which I have never done in my life, it’s just that they are small-minded, like all editors are. It seems like they are simply in denial about how good I am.

THE BALTIMORE JEWISH HOME

1. What do you do when “Haman” is read in the megilla? a. I bring a cowbell to megilla and make sure to hit it as soon as it gets quiet again. b. I bring a big wooden gragger and as soon as the lainer is about to continue reading…gggrrrr c. We gotta get that obnoxious person out of here. What nerve he has. This is gonna take forever. d. I bring earplugs with me because the graggers and cowbells are too loud.

Dear Underlings,

TTHHEEJJEEWWI ISSHHHHOOMMEE nn MMAY A R C2H4 , 12012 3 , 2014

PuRim Personality Quiz

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THE BALTIMORE JEWISH HOME MARCH 13, 2014

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THE BALTIMORE JEWISH HOME

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(410) 653-3053 - mwealcatch@wealcatchmd.com Please visit us at: www.wealcatchinsurance.com

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MARCH 13, 2014

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Notable

Quotes

Compiled by Nate Davis

“Say What?”

When Aretha first told us what “R.S.P.E.C.T.” meant to her she had no idea it would become a rallying cry for African-Americans and women.

– President Obama, having a Dan Quale moment while introducing soul legend Aretha Franklin at a White House performance last Thursday night When Aretha first told us what “R.E.S.P.E.C.T.” meant to her, she had no idea it would become a rallying cry for African-Americans and women.

– From the official White House transcript of the event Researchers in Hawaii recently put webcams on the fins of sharks so they could get a firsthand view of what the sharks see. The first thing they saw: a shark eating the guy who strapped a webcam on its fin.

– Jimmy Fallon

Mr. Putin, tear down this wall – the wall of intimidation, the wall of military aggression.

- Ukraine’s new prime minister, Arseniy Yatsenyuk, at a press conference

RadioShack has announced plans to close 1,000 stores throughout the U.S. RadioShack customers were very upset when they got the news on their pagers.

- Conan O’Brien

A 10-year-old in Ohio has been suspended after pretending his finger was a gun and aiming it at another student. Just wait until school officials find out he was in possession of nine other guns.

- Seth Myers I asked a Republican friend why his party remains so opposed to extending the vital lifelines for struggling families and really hungry children. This colleague response was telling in its blunt nature and it’s stunning in its honestly.

What he said was to the Republican caucus, these people you are talking about, are invisible, and the Republican caucus is indifferent to them.

- House Minority Nancy Pelosi last week (Last month, she said people are “invisible” to Republicans. She quipped that she got the idea from a song)

If Cheney’s wearin’ it, it’s prob’ly a little too conservative.

- Former Vice President Dick Cheney when a reporter in the street stopped him and asked why he thinks rappers don’t wear cowboy hats, as he was wearing at the time

Russia is threatening to invade Ukraine, and the U.S. is stepping in. In fact, just yesterday the U.S. gave a billion dollars to Ukraine to help stabilize the region.

Then Detroit said, “Hey, can WE go to war with Russia?”

- Jimmy Fallon Because of Russia’s actions in Ukraine, President Obama is threatening them with economic sanctions. Obama said if Russia doesn’t pull out of Kiev we’re not going to let them borrow any of the money that we borrowed from China.

- Conan O’Brien What has been shocking has been seeing and observing Jewish organizations who, it appears, have made it their priority to support the political priority and the political ambitions of the president over the best interests of Israel. They sold out Israel.

- Congresswoman Michelle Bachmann (R-Minn.) in a Christian radio interview, discussing the fact that Jewish organizations aren’t pushing for stronger sanctions against Iran because President Obama asked them not to

I’m the Pittsburgh criminal defense attorney Pittsburgh criminals hire when they commit crimes. I may have a law degree, but I think like a criminal. I pick up the phone, I answer calls, I return letters, and I make jail visits. Because I’ll probably be there, visiting my friends anyway. I want Pittsburgh to know that I love my job, and that just because I have fun with it doesn’t mean I don’t take it deadly serious.

- From a commercial by Pittsburgh criminal attorney Daniel Muessig

President Obama has unveiled his budget for 2015.

He’s referring to it as a road map for creating jobs. And young people said, “A what for creating what? Road map?

Job? I’ve never had either of those things.”

-Jimmy Fallon Over the weekend, North Korea held elections. Kim Jong Un was re-elected with 100% of the vote. Kim Jong Un credits his win to the slogan: Vote for me or you will be murdered.

- Conan O’Brien

– Jimmy Fallon I have been stunned by the financial greed of modern parents who are more concerned with retiring into some fantasy world rather than provide for their children’s college and young adult years.

- Facebook post by Rachel Canning, an 18-year-old New Jersey girl who left home because she doesn’t want to comply with the house rules and is suing her parents to pay for her college tuition

Dear New Jersey, When people call you ‘The Armpit of America,’ take it as a compliment. Sincerely, Dove - A Dove deodorant billboard in New Jersey that is drawing harsh criticism from insulted New Jersey residents

Meteorologists say 90 percent of the Great Lakes are frozen over. People from Chicago are being urged to stay off the frozen lakes, but if you want to see someone from Chicago on thin ice, just go to the White House.

– Craig Ferguson

Osama bin Laden’s son-inlaw is on trial right now. He produced all of al Qaeda’s videos. Not only is he on trial but he would like to let you know that the first season is available on Netflix.

– David Letterman A new study reveals that parents who spend more time on their smartphones have more negative interactions with their children. While parents who spend less time on their smartphones are really mad that they forgot their charger.

- Seth Myers Daylight Savings Time begins this evening; turn your clocks back and change batteries in smoke alarms.

- Tweet by Toronto Mayor Rob Ford (which may have had his constituents waking up two hours late the next morning)

North Korean leader Kim Jong Un won re-election with 100% of the vote. They say that when the absentee ballots are counted the percentage could go even higher.

– David Letterman Kim Jong Un was re-elected today in North Korea. He got 100% of the vote. His slogan was, “Vote for me or you’ll be eaten by rabid dogs.” It’s awkward because that was going to be Hillary’s slogan.

- Craig Ferguson

We’re getting into Jimmy Carter territory. And I never thought I’d see anything like that again. I lived through that time and it was not a good time and we’re pretty close. I think maybe by next month we’ll have surpassed the late, great Jimmy Carter.

- Donald Trump at the CPAC conference

Obama’s approval rating is at an alltime low. He has a plan to make him look better.

It is called letting Joe Biden make a speech.

- Craig Ferguson I hope they go 0-162. I got friends, and I love my friends, but I hope they lose [bad].

- Second baseman Ian Kinsler in an interview with ESPN talking about the Texas Rangers after they traded him to Detroit

A new survey found that the average American child watches 24 hours of TV every week. In fact, experts say it’s important for parents to lay down the law and tell their kids to get outside and look at their phones.

– Jimmy Fallon

The College Board says it’s revamping the SAT to focus more on what students will need in college. In fact, the SAT is now just one question: “How much money do your parents have?”

– Jimmy Fallon

Russian President Vladimir Putin claims that Russia did not invade the Crimean Peninsula. Then what are those tanks — part of a traffic study?

– David Letterman They came from all over the country to Washington, D.C., today for the start of the Conservative Political Action Conference, otherwise known as “Khakipalooza.”

- Jimmy Fallon, referencing the stereotype that young conservatives often wear khakis

NASA’s Cassini spacecraft passed

by Saturn’s largest moon for the 100th time last week.

Said Mrs. Cassini, “Can we please just stop and ask for directions?”

- Seth Myers

MARCH 13, 2014

Staples is closing more than 200 stores as part of a plan to save $500 million. Staples says the closings are due to low sales, cutbacks, and the fact they’re selling things people just steal from their office anyway.

– Conan O’Brien

This is an expression of all the service personnel and people’s absolute support and profound trust in supreme leader Kim Jong Un as they single-mindedly remain loyal to him.

- The state-run North Korean Central News Agency, after Kim Jong Un “won elections” with 100% of the vote and 100% of the population voting

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We were almost obliterated by a giant asteroid today.

According to NASA, a 100-foot-wide asteroid came within 216,000 miles of Earth…Whenever an asteroid passes by Earth, I like to curl my body up in a funny pose for archaeologists to dig up 10,000 years from now.

– Jimmy Kimmel

There’s a new app that will help you find the nearest bathroom. It’s called the Starbucks app.

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The GOP is releasing short documentaries about Senate candidates to give the public a look at their personal lives. So if you’re the kind of person who is excited to see documentaries about Senate candidates, ask your doctor about Zoloft.

– Jimmy Fallon

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Purim Esther Ottensoser

Setting Your Seudah with the Purim Spirit Everyone is always looking for cute yet simple and inexpensive ideas to enhance their table at special occasions. Here are

THE LAND OF LOLLIPOPS Directions For the napkins: Starting at one corner of the napkin, roll it up. Fold the napkin in half. Tie a ribbon around the napkin and then place a lollipop in the napkin.

For the centerpiece: Place large lollipops into flower arrangements.

some attractive ideas for you to create that festive look this Purim. Whether you use china or plastic, your guests will surely be delighted with your charming setup.

WE WEAR THE MASK Directions Wrap an inexpensive mask around a folded napkin and then put in silverware. Amazing Savings has cheap, beautiful masks you can use for this purpose.

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From My Private Art Collection Rebbetzin Naomi N. Herzberg

The Art of Mask Making

T

here are many points to keep in mind when designing a mask.

Here are 10 simple steps to create a mask just in time for yom tov.

Keep in mind the elements of art, which are the colors selected, the shape, the form of the mask, and the texture.

Also, it’s important to keep in mind the principles of art, which are balance, harmony, variety and proportion. Easy

Just in Time for Purim

materials to collect and use in the creation of a mask include: a strong glue, buttons, craft sticks, crayons, eyeglass frames, glitter, feathers, markers, paints, paint brushes, pencil, pom-poms, poster board, scissor, sequins, and a tape measure.

Follow the instructions below to create a mask: 1. Using a tape measure, measure the distance between the eyes on the face from the far right of the eyes to the far left. Also, measure the distance between the eyes. Keep these measurements in mind while choosing the size of the piece of poster board.

2. Fold a piece of poster board in half.

3. Draw a shape on the unfolded part of the poster board.

4. Draw a second line du-

plicating the shape of the first line an inch away from the first line.

5. Follow the outer line that was drawn and cut out the shape on the second line.

6. Unfold the poster board and you will have a symmetrical shape.

7. Use the extra space provided for the decorative and imaginative additions to your mask.

8. Let the mask dry completely.

9. Pop out the lenses from an old pair of eyeglass frames and glue the eyeglass frames to the back of the mask so that it is centered.

10. Cut out two holes on both sides of the mask for the eyes, using the eyeglass frames as the guide as to where the holes should be.

Once you have completed the basic mask, you can creatively continue to decorate the mask however you desire.

Enjoy!

Rebbetzin Naomi N. Herzberg is a professional art educator, artist and designer.

Among her known artwork is a floral sculpture presented to Tipper Gore, Blair House, Washington, D.C. Presently she is the Director of Operations at Shulamith School for Girls. Please feel free to email nherzberg@ optonline.net with questions and suggestions for future columns.

MARCH 13, 2014

Dinner napkin (folded in half) Paper straw Cutlery Twine Directions Place the napkin, cutlery, and straw in the bag.

Tie a piece of twine around the bag. This is so simple and easy to do; your kids will love to be involved in setting the Purim table!

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Supplies Small brown paper bags (I used the 1 lb. sacks available at craft stores and cut off 2� from the top of the bag)

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BROWN BAGGING IT

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Purim

Masks:

Baila Rosenbaum

Do They Conceal or Do They Reveal?

“A mask tells us more than a face.” – Oscar Wilde

O

n Purim, we hide behind our masks. Some take on the role of the laughing clown, others don a more sinister façade. Indeed, the Purim story is a story of masks—those in the tale were not what they originally seemed. Haman, the second to the king, was exposed as the master of deceit. Mordechai, who wore sackcloth and ashes, ended up as royalty. And Esther, who initially was just a loner without a nation to her new husband, was revealed to be from royal lineage from a majestic nation.

THE ROLE OF MASKS

Historically, masks have played an important role in many cultures of the world. Societies have created death masks and Venetian masks. Masks were used for healing purposes by the North American Iroquois tribes and in the Himalayas; masks were believed to act as mediators of supernatural forces.

We are all familiar with the overlapping images of Comedy and Tragedy masks used to represent the performing arts, and you might not know it, but the ‘Masked Intruder’ is a popular punk rock band. A mask is defined as “an object normally worn on the face, typically for protection, disguise, performance or entertainment.” Masks have been used since antiquity for both ceremonial and practical purposes.

In many cultures masks were associated with the world of the dead.

Sculpted masks were made of a person’s face after death. These death masks would be kept as mementos of the dead or were used to create portraits. Masks of deceased persons are part of traditions in many countries.

The most famous of these are the masks used by ancient Egyptians as part of the mummification process, such as Tutankhamun’s mask. In the

tenth century in some European countries, it was common for death masks to be used as part of the effigy of the deceased and they were displayed at state funerals. During the eighteenth and nineteenth centuries they were also used to permanently record the features of unknown corpses so that they could eventually be identified.

MASKS OF DEATH

In the late Middle Ages, death masks were made of wax or plaster.

These masks were used in funeral ceremonies and were later kept in libraries, museums and universities. Death masks were taken of deceased royalty and nobility and eminent persons—poets, philosophers, and composers. Keats, Chopin, Beethoven, Dante, and Voltaire were some of the notables whose faces were saved for posterity by a death mask. In ancient Rome, death masks were often used as an outline with which they made marble sculpture portraits, busts or engravings of the

deceased. Another notable death mask is that of Napoleon Bonaparte, taken on the island of Saint Helena and displayed at London‘s British Museum.

In early spring of 1860 and shortly before his death in April 1865, two life masks were created of President Abraham Lincoln.

Before photography came of age, death masks were used as a tool of forensic science. The facial features of unidentified bodies were sometimes preserved by creating death masks so

Less realistic and far less macabre are the famed Venetian masks.

Intricate and ornamental, the use of these masks are first documented in Venice as far back as the 13th century. Masks were a main feature of the Venetian carnival. So vital were masks in Venetian society that mask makers enjoyed a special position in society, with their own laws and their own guild.

Venetian masks were made of leather, porcelain or with the original glass technique.

The original masks were rather simple in design and decoration, and often had a symbolic and practical function. Nowadays, most of them are made with the application of gold leaf and are all handpainted using natural feathers and gems as decoration. Several distinct styles of mask are worn

The Jewish nation has no history of using masks for religious uses. However, the custom of dressing up on Purim is very old, dating back to the 13th

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that relatives of the deceased could recognize them if they were searching for a missing person.

One famous mask, known as L’Inconnue de la Seine, recorded the face of an unidentified young woman who had been found drowned in the Seine River at Paris, France, around the late 1880s. A morgue worker made a cast of her face, saying, “Her beauty was breathtaking, and showed few signs of distress at the time of passing. So bewitching that I knew beauty as such must be preserved.” The cast was compared to the Mona Lisa and in the following years, copies of the mask became a fashionable feature in Parisian Bohemian society. Interestingly, the face of the world’s first CPR training mannequin, dubbed “Resusci Anne“ introduced in 1960, was modeled after L’Inconnue de la Seine.

century, and was practiced by all of Esther dressed back in the days of the the Jewish communities. The custom Persian Empire but we know that she of masquerading in costume and the successfully masked her Jewish idenwearing of masks probably originated tity until the pivotal moment when among the Italian Jews at the end of she revealed Haman’s intentions and the 15th-century. It’s possible that the rescued the Jewish people. Today, we idea was inspired by the Roman carnival and that soon spread across Europe.

The practice of dressing up was only introduced into Middle Eastern countries much later, during the 19th-century.

The story of Purim was The Medico della peste was originally worn by doctors a hidden miracle, with all the drama happening behind the scenes, celebrate with wine – which unmasks masking the hand of Hashem and dis- a person’s true self. We give charity guising his role to seem like natural anonymously; masking our good inevents. Other cultures use masks for tentions with modesty and preserving anonymity, war or for ornamentation. the dignity of the receiver. Most imporBut as Purim proves, the Jewish nation tantly we join with family and friends employs masks that reveal rather than revealing the joy, pleasure and pride of conceal. We can’t know how Queen belonging to the Jewish nation.

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L’Inconnue de la Seine

in the Venice Carnival, some with identifying names.

The bauta is a mask which is designed to comfortably cover the entire face; this traditional, grotesque piece of art was characterized by a prominent nose, a thick ridge over the eyes, a sharp extended chin and no mouth. The mask’s beak-like chin was designed to enable the wearer to talk, eat, and drink without having to remove it, maintaining the wearer’s anonymity throughout the day. In the 18th century, together with a black cape called a “tabarro,” the bauta had become the standard society mask and disguise. It was actually regulated by the Venetian government and it was mandatory to wear at certain political decision-making events when all citizens were required to act anonymously as peers.

Another widely-known mask, the Medico della peste, with its long beak, is one of the most bizarre and recognizable of the Venetian masks, though it did not start out as a carnival mask but as a method of preventing the spread of disease. The striking design originates from 17th-century French physician Charles de Lorme who adopted the mask together with other sanitary precautions while treating plague victims. Presumably, the long snout of the mask kept the doctor at a safe distance from his patients and their accompanying diseases.

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Worldwide obesity has almost doubled over the last thirty years. In America, 68% of adults are considered overweight while 34% are considered clinically obese. Even more worryingly, obesity statistics show that childhood obesity has tripled in the United States over the past 30 years. It is estimated that over one third of American children are overweight or suffer from obesity.

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43

A Parsha Thought

THE BALTIMORE JEWISH HOME

Zachor 5774: Remember Not To Forget Rabbi Shmuel Silber

“You shall remember what Amalek did to you on the way, when you went out of Egypt, how he happened upon you on the way and cut off all the stragglers at your rear, when you were faint and weary, and he did not fear God. [Therefore,] it will be, when the Lord your God grants you respite from all your enemies around [you] in the land which the Lord, your God, gives to you as an inheritance to possess, that you shall obliterate the remembrance of Amalek from beneath the heavens. You shall not forget (Devorim 25:17-19).”

This week, in addition to our regular Torah portion of Tzav we will read a section known as Parshas Zachor (the section of remembrance). “Zachor Es Asher Asa Lecha Amaleyk, Remember what Amaleyk did to you when you left Egypt.” Simple words laced with generations of pain and suffering. From our first encounter with this war-mongering nation to this very day, we must contend with enemies who seek our annihilation and destruction. We read this section on the Shabbos before Purim as the Talmud relates that Haman; the archenemy of the Jewish people (in the Megillah story) was a descendant of the nation of Amaleyk. What is it that we are supposed to remember?

Is God telling us to remember that there are individuals and nations who hate us? Is the Torah reminding us to never forget that anti-Semitism exists?

I do not believe we need a Biblical di-

The Baal Shem Tov (1698-1760) explains that in order to appreciate the obligation to remember we must examine the initial episode. The Torah does not merely tell us that Amaleyk attacked; rather we are told how they attacked. “How he happened upon you … and cut off all the stragglers at your rear … (Devorim 25: 18).”

Amaleyk did not launch a frontal assault; they chose to attack the weakest link, those who could not keep up with the rest of the camp. Apparently, there was a group who fell behind. Perhaps, it was the elderly, the sick or the very young? Perhaps, it was those who had no one to look after them? They were the first to feel the brunt of Amaleyk’s hatred. The Rebbe explains that this piece of information is intended to be a form of stinging rebuke. How could we have allowed people to be left behind? How could we have moved forward when there were still stragglers who couldn’t keep up? How could we have allowed precious Jewish souls to fall between the cracks? The Torah tells us why this happened, “V’Ata Ayef V’Yagey’a, you were faint and weary.” We were too tired. We were too busy with our own lives and our own needs to be worried about those who couldn’t keep up. And so we kept moving at a pace that suited us and assumed that the stragglers would somehow catch up.

Zachor Es Asher Asa Lecha Amaleyk, Remember what Amaleyk did to you – Amaleyk saw that we did not look after those who couldn’t keep up and took advantage of this vulnerability. We must remember that there

was a time when we were not sensitive enough to the other, when we did not look out for the needs of the stragglers. Lo Tishkach, Don’t forget our lapse in proper conduct, don’t forget about the other.

We don’t need to be reminded that there are nations that despise us and yearn for our destruction. We need to be reminded to never again leave anyone behind. We must become sensitive to the needs of those who may not be able to keep up with the camp. We must be attentive to the needs of our elderly and make sure that our com-

munities are empathic and embracing.

We must care for the handicapped making sure that they are part of our greater Kehilla. We must make sure that we extend a helping hand to those who suffer from physical and emotional illness. We must make sure that no Jew is ever left behind, no matter how slowly he or she needs to travel.

It is on this Shabbos before Purim that we pledge to ourselves and to one another that no matter how vicious our external enemies may be our national camp will always be a place of love, acceptance and refuge for all.

MARCH 13, 2014

rective to remind us of this reality. We have contended with it for thousands of years. Furthermore, if the Torah tells us to “remember” why must it state, “You shall not forget?”

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Rabbi's Musings [& Amusings] Rabbi Dani Staum

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The Chizuk Found in Long Speeches

o you know what our problem is? We talk too much! We do too much yakking and gossiping and not enough listening. This leads to a pervasive feeling that we hear too many lectures and speeches.

Rabbi Leibel Reznick, a beloved rebbe from my days in Yeshiva Shaarei Torah, conveyed all his lessons in a unique and witty manner. He began one particular address to the yeshiva’s student-body by stressing that it was important for each student to recite a brief Torah thought to his family at his Shabbos table each week. In his words, “A yeshiva student arrives home for Shabbos after a week in yeshiva and his parents ask him what he learned that week.

The invariable response is ‘nothing.’ He comes home in ninth grade, tenth grade, eleventh grade, and twelfth grade and the response never changes. ‘What did you learn?’ ‘Nothing.’ It costs a lot of money for a parent to send their child to yeshiva to learn ‘nothing.’ (At that point Rabbi Reznick turned to the Rosh Yeshiva and asked him how much tuition cost in the yeshiva.) So therefore you have to say over a short Torah thought at the Shabbos table so your parents don’t feel like they are wasting their money completely. It can’t be too short because then you sound ignorant. But it shouldn’t be too long either because then it becomes a speech, and nobody likes speeches. I’m only giving a speech now because the yeshiva hired me to do so.”

The gemara (Shabbos 152a) says that Rabbi Yehuda bar Ilai was the “lead speaker at every occasion.” My rebbi, Rabbi Chaim Schabes shlita, once told me that there is an old humorous explanation as to why it was specifically Rabbi Yehuda bar Ilai who was granted the distinction of being the lead speaker. In the haggadah shel Pesach, after we recite the ten plagues, we state that Rabbi Yehuda (bar Ilai) devised an acronym for the plagues – D’tzach Adash B’achav. When the people saw that Rabbi Yehuda was an “abbreviator” they decided that he should be the lead speaker.

I recently heard another similar thought: If G-d wanted to destroy the resolve and moral of Egypt during the Ten Plagues, why wasn’t “speeches” one of the plagues? After all, there’s nothing like a long boring monotonous speech to wear down the resistance of even the fiercest despot.

The answer is that our Sages relate that we had to have been redeemed when we did, for if we had lingered in Egypt for even one more moment we would have sunk into the abyss of the fiftieth level of impurity, from which there could be no return. If one of the plagues would have been a long-winded speech, there is always the danger that the speaker would have spoken beyond the allotted time of the plague and the redemption would have been delayed, causing an irrevocable catastrophe!

At one of the Sheva Berachos meals after our wedding, a family friend noted that Sheva Berachos speeches are an encouragement and chizuk to the eventuality of Moshiach’s arrival. He explained that very often a speaker will drone on and on, causing people to think that he will never finish. But at some point, he eventually does conclude his speech, and dessert is served. That helps strengthen our belief that even though at times we feel like the long-winded exile will never end, eventually Moshiach will indeed arrive.

The holiday of Purim itself does not leave much time for speeches and lectures. The fleeting day contains so many mitzvos that must be performed, so much love and friendship to exude, and so many smiles to share that there is hardly any time for speeches. Perhaps that too is part of the reason why the day is so joyous.

But lest we celebrate too much, the holiday of Pesach is right around the corner, and if you’re not ready to listen to lectures about how to proceed, well then you’re going to feel like you never left Egypt.

But, hey, look at the bright side, if the speaker goes overtime, it’ll be a chizuk that we too will one day be redeemed.

Rabbi Dani Staum, LMSW, is the Rabbi of Kehillat New Hempstead, and Guidance Counselor/Rebbe at Yeshiva Bais Hachinuch & Ashar in Monsey, NY. He is the author of Stam Torah and can be reached at stamtorah@gmail.com.

His website is www.stamtorah.info.

45

In the Kitchen

A Meal Fit for a King Sweet and Tangy Purple Cabbage Salad

Ingredients 1 pound ground meat 1 tablespoon grated fresh ginger 2 cloves garlic, finely minced 1 stalk scallion, chopped 1 tablespoon soy sauce 2 tablespoons Worcestershire sauce 2 cups finely chopped kale (leaf only) or vegetables of your choice ½ cup water 1 egg 50 wonton wrappers, defrosted Preparation In a large bowl, add the meat, ginger, garlic, scallions, soy sauce, Worcestershire sauce, curry powder and kale and mix well to combine.

To make the egg wash, in a small bowl, add the water and egg and whisk with a fork.

To assemble the wontons, place a wonton wrapper flat in the palm of your hand. Add 1 teaspoon of mixture to the center of the wrapper. Dip a finger in the egg wash, and paint all 4 edges with the wash. Fold the wonton in half, corner to opposite corner to make a triangle. Seal tightly all around. Make sure there are no air pockets or holes in the wonton.

Fold the longer two triangle points together and seal to make the wonton shape.

Place folded wonton on a clean, dry plate or baking sheet and cover with plastic wrap to avoid drying out. When wontons are all folded, you can store or freeze.

To fry wontons, add 1 to 1-1/2 inches of cooking oil to a wok or pot. Heat the oil until it reaches 375°F. Add a few wontons to the oil to fry, turning occasionally until they are golden brown. Remove them to a draining rack placed over a baking sheet so they can drain excess oil.

Serve with soy sauce or mustard sauce.

Preparation Lightly toss cabbage, mandarin orange segments, scallions, and Craisins together in a salad bowl. Toast pine nuts in a small skillet over medium heat, stirring constantly, until fragrant and lightly browned, about 2 minutes. Remove immediately to a bowl and let cool.

Whisk canola oil, vinegar, sugar, and salt in a bowl until sugar and salt have dissolved.

Stir toasted pine nuts into salad and pour dressing over the top. Toss again to coat salad with dressing.

Garlicky Green Bean Almondine Ingredients 1 lb. green beans ½ cup slivered almonds 1 clove fresh garlic, minced Black pepper, to taste Preparation Bring a pot of water to boil; season with sea salt. Prepare a bowl of ice water.

In a deep 10-inch skillet, spray with cooking spray and then add in almonds over medium flame. Stir until toasted and golden. Remove to a small bowl and set aside.

Drop green beans into salted, boiling water for two to three minutes until they turn bright green. Immediately place them in the ice water to stop them from cooking.

Add a drop of olive oil into skillet. Cook beans for a few minutes in the skillet to get them hot again. Add in minced garlic. Season with black pepper and then add almonds into skillet. Toss and serve.

MARCH 13, 2014

Fried Wontons

Ingredients 2 ½ cups purple cabbage, shredded 1 cup shredded carrots 1 can (10 oz.) mandarin oranges, drained 1 scallion, chopped ¼ cup Craisins ¼ cup pine nuts 1/3 cup oil ¼ cup vinegar 1 tablespoon sugar 2 pinches salt Dash of pepper

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Creamy Butternut Squash Soup Ingredients 2 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil 1 carrot, diced 1 celery stalk, diced 1 onion, diced 4 cups cubed butternut squash ½ teaspoon chopped fresh thyme 4 cups low-sodium chicken broth ½ teaspoon fine sea salt ½ teaspoon ground black pepper Preparation Heat oil in a large soup pot. Add carrot, celery and onion. Cook until vegetables have begun to soften and onion turns translucent, 3 to 4 minutes. Stir in butternut squash, thyme, chicken broth, salt and pepper. Bring to a boil, reduce heat and simmer until squash is fork-tender, about 30 minutes. Use an immersion blender to purée soup. Serve with kreplach or homemade croutons.

Mushroom Fried Rice Ingredients 1-½ cups long-grain rice 3 tablespoons cooking oil 1-½ pounds mixed mushrooms, shitake, cremini, button, bella, sliced thin ¼ teaspoon red pepper flakes 1 tablespoon grated fresh ginger 6 scallions including green tops, sliced thin ½ teaspoon salt ¼ cup soy sauce ½ cup frozen peas 1 teaspoon Asian sesame oil Preparation Bring a medium pot of salted water to a boil. Stir in the rice and boil until just done, about 10 minutes. Drain the rice and set aside to cool.

Meanwhile, in a large nonstick frying pan or wok, heat 1 tablespoon of the cooking oil over moderately high heat. Add half the mushrooms and cook, stirring frequently, until the mushrooms are tender and golden, about 5 minutes. Transfer to a plate. Repeat with the remaining mushrooms and another tablespoon of the cooking oil. Add these mushrooms to the plate.

In the same frying pan, heat the remaining tablespoon of cooking oil over moderate heat. Add the red pepper flakes, ginger, and scallions and cook, stirring, until fragrant, about 30 seconds. Increase the heat to moderately high and add the rice, salt, and soy sauce. Cook, stirring, for 2 minutes and then add the peas and mushrooms. Cook, stirring, until everything’s warm, another 1 to 2 minutes. Remove the pan from the heat and stir in the sesame oil.

Beef Wellington Ingredients London broil—2 to 2 ½ pounds Ground black pepper Package of puff pastry sheets, thawed 1 egg 1 tablespoon water 1 tablespoon oil 2 cups mushrooms, finely chopped ½ cup medium onion, finely chopped Preparation Heat the oven to 425°F. Place the beef into a lightly greased roasting pan. Season with the black pepper, if desired. Roast for 30 minutes or until a meat thermometer reads 130°F. Cover the pan and refrigerate for 1 hour.

Reheat the oven to 425°F. Beat the egg and water in a small bowl with a fork or whisk. Heat the oil in a 10-inch skillet over medium-high heat. Add the mushrooms and onions and cook until the mushrooms are tender and all the liquid is evaporated, stirring often.

Unfold the pastry sheet on a lightly floured surface. Roll the pastry sheet into a rectangle 4 inches longer and 6 inches wider than the beef.

Brush the pastry sheet with the egg mixture. Spoon the mushroom mixture onto the pastry sheet to within 1-inch of the edges. Place the beef in the center of the mushroom mixture. Fold the pastry over the beef and press to seal. Place seam-side down onto a baking sheet. Tuck the ends under to seal. Brush the pastry with the egg mixture. Sprinkle with sesame seeds, if desired.

Bake for 25 minutes or until the pastry is golden brown and a meat thermometer reads 140°F. Slice once cool.

Decadent Chocolate Mousse Ingredients 14 oz. can coconut milk, full fat ¼ cup cocoa powder ½ teaspoon vanilla extract Drizzle of agave nectar Cinnamon, chopped nuts, berries for serving Preparation Keep the coconut milk in the fridge. It works best when the coconut milk is cold. Once the coconut milk is cold, carefully open the can.

The cream should be on top. Lift it out of the can, leaving the coconut water behind.

Cream the coconut cream and the vanilla in a mixer until it increases in volume. Drizzle with just a drop or two of agave nectar and continue to whip. Fold in cocoa with a spatula until well incorporated. Add more agave nectar to taste. If it’s not light and fluffy, continue to whip.

Keep in the fridge overnight before serving and garnish with cinnamon, berries, chopped nuts or shaved chocolate before serving.

95 121 AYA R2C4H, 2012 T H E J E W I S H H O M E n MM 1 3 , 2014

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