Centerfold

1.

* TJH Centerfold

Well Said…

I am a nobody. Nobody is perfect. Therefore, I am perfect.  The future depends on your dreams. So go to sleep.  You all laugh because I’m different – I laugh because you’re all the same.  Smile, it makes people wonder what you are thinking.  You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted and then used against you.  The things that come to those that wait may be the things left by those who got there first.  Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of refund checks.  Success is a relative term. It brings so many relatives.

A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.  The more you learn, the more you know, the more you know, and the more you forget. The more you forget, the less you know. So why bother to learn?  Always remember you’re unique, just like everyone else.  Practice makes perfect. But nobody’s perfect. So why practice?  Money is not everything. There’s always Amex.

I don’t get older. I level up.

Riddle Me This

the card is in envelope D.

You are standing over a table that has 4 envelopes. You are told that there is a 1909 Honus Wagner baseball card in one of the envelopes. The inscriptions on each envelope read as follows:

Envelope A: It’s behind B or C

Envelope B: It’s behind A or D

Envelope C: It’s in here

Envelope D: It’s not in here

Three of the inscriptions are false, and one is true. In which envelope will you find the card? one envelope B. This matches the rules, and therefore, statements on all the envelope are false, except for that If the card is in envelope D, then the and D are all true. If the card is in envelope C, then A, C, A and D are true. If the card is in envelope B, then both B and D are true. If the card is in envelope A, then both The card is in envelope D. Answer:

Word Shift

Move a single letter from one word to the other for each pair of the following words and make a pair of synonyms, or near synonyms. For example, if the pair of words is: Boast - Hip, move the ‘s’ from ‘Boast’ to ‘Hip,’ creating two synonyms: Boat - Ship.

1. Our - Start 2. Cash - Broom 3. Routing - Tip 4. Shot - Teaming 5. Right – Blight

5. Bright – Light 4. Hot - Steaming 3. Outing - Trip 2. Crash - Boom 1. Sour – Tart Answers:

You Gotta Be Kidding Me!

At the police station, Bubba explained to the police officer why Jimbo shot him.

“Well,” Bubba began, “we wuz havin’ a good time drinking, when Jimbo picked up his shotgun and said, ‘Hey, wanna go hunting?’”

“And then what happened?” the officer interrupted.

“From what I remember,” Bubba said, “I stood up and said, ‘Sure, I’m game.’”

Fill in the Sentence

The blanks in the following sentences will be filled in with three different homonyms (words that are spelled differently but sound alike) to make valid sentences. The dashes indicate the number of letters in the words. Can you fill in the blanks?

1. The cut on his _ _ _ _ won’t _ _ _ _ in time for the

race, so _ _ ‘_ _ have to drop out.

2. I couldn’t _ _ _ _ _ any of the _ _ _ _ _ _ in the

flower shop, because for some strange

reason I had 50 _ _ _ _ _ crammed

up my nose.

3. A bloodthirsty pirate will wander

the _ _ _ _ and essentially _ _ _ _ _

everything he _ _ _ _.

essentially SEIZE everything he SEES. 3. A bloodthirsty pirate will wander the SEAS and

CENTS crammed up my nose. shop, because for some strange reason I had 50 2. I couldn’t SENSE any of the SCENTS in the flower

race, so HE’LL have to drop out. 1. The cut on his HEEL won’t HEAL in time for the

Answers: