4 minute read
HUMOR & ENTERTAINMENT
TJH Centerfold
Going Postal
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I’ve never seen a weirder group of people than at the post o ce. It looks like people are crawling out from under rocks to go to the post o ce.- Sebastian Maniscalco
The way I understand it, the Russians are sort of a combination of evil and incompetence...sort of like the Post O ce with tanks.- Emo Philips
Mail your packages early so the post o ce can lose them in time for [the holidays].- Johnny Carson
Let’s turn infl ation over to the Post O ce. That’ll slow it down. -Mo Udall
Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post O ce? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don’t they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the postmen can look for them while they deliver the mail? -Steven Wright
At the bank, post o ce or supermarket, there is one universal law which you ignore at your own peril: the shortest line moves the slowest. -Bill Vaughan
The post o ce is raising the price of stamps again. I heard that and said to myself, “If only there was an inexpensive electronic way of communicating.”- David Letterman
The Post O ce is very careful nowadays. When they get a package marked “Fragile,” they throw it underhand. -Milton Berle
Under Lenin, the Soviet Union was like a religious revival; under Stalin, like a prison; under Khrushchev, like a circus; and under Brezhnev, like the U.S. Post O ce. -Jimmy Carter
From the outside, the CIA seems pretty exotic, but from the inside, it’s a big bureaucratic place. Think “post o ce with spies.” -Barry Eisler
The Post O ce says they’re raising the price of stamps by one cent because they need to upgrade their equipment. Apparently, they’re going from semiauDovidatics to uzis. -Conan O’Brien
I love how the postal system has this fi nancial emotional meltdown every three to fi ve years that their business model from 1630 isn’t working anymore. I can’t understand how a 21st century information system based on licking, walking, and a random number of pennies is struggling to compete. – Jerry Seinfeld
Riddle me this?
Dovid wants to send Shira an expensive ring through the mail. The only problem is that everything sent through the mail is stolen unless there is a lock put on it. Both Dovid and Shira have plenty of sent through the mail is stolen unless there is a lock put on it. Both Dovid and Shira have plenty of locks and keys but they don’t have any of the same locks or keys. How can Dovid send Shira the ring without it getting stolen?
See answer below
and sends it back to Shira who can then unlock her own lock and retrieve the ring. one of her own locks on the box and sends it back to Dovid. Finally, Dovid takes his lock o of the box Dovid puts one of his locks on the box with the ring in it. When Shira gets it, she puts Answer to Riddle:
Which of the following street names gets the most mail delivered to it? a. Main Street b. Maple Street c. 1st Avenue d. Central Avenue
2. The Sidney, Montana, post o ce delivers to 272 addresses. How many miles is the mail route (which is completed every day) in this rural area? a. 9.6 miles b. 23 miles c. 47 miles d. 190.7 miles
3. The largest U.S. Postal Service retail space is the James A. Farley
Post O ce in New York, NY (10001), at 393,000 square feet.
The smallest Post O ce is located in Ochopee. How many square feet is it? a. 22.3 b. 61.3 c. 112.8 d. 1023.1
4. What is the o cial motto of the United State Postal Service? a. You lick em’ we ship ‘em.
Postal Trivia
b. There is no motto c. Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed rounds. d. Ready to go wherever the envelope takes us.
5. This British Guiana 1 Cent
Magenta stamps is the most expensive stamp ever sold.
How much did it sell for at a 2014
6. Approximately how many mailboxes are there in use across the U.S.? a. 85,000 b. 142,000 c. 311,000 d. 1.1 million 7. When was the last year that the USPS recorded a profi t? a. 1967 b. 1994 c. 2006 d. 2015
8. In 2000, the USPS delivered 207.9 billion pieces of mail. How many pieces of mail did the USPS deliver in 2019? a. 230.4 billion b. 195.5 billion c. 142.6 billion d. 990 million
9. What does ZIP code stand for? a. Zone Improvement Plan b. Zone In person c. Zygodactylous
Ichthytaxidermy
Panharmonicon d. Zone in Population
Answers 1-A 2-D 3-B 4-B 5-C 6-B 7-C 8-C 9-A
Wisdom key: 7-9 correct: Newman? Is that you? Well, heeeeellllllloooooo
Newman! 3-6 correct: Not bad, but your brain doesn’t exactly have its own ZIP code 0-2 correct: You have been licking too many envelopes
You gotta be kidding
A lady bought a stamp at the post o ce and asked the clerk, “Shall I stick it on myself?” The clerk replied, “It’ll get there faster if you stick it on the envelope.”
