To Meet You Face to Face

By R’ yaakov klein

As the summer comes to a close and we approach the threshold of a new year, we are gifted a period of reflection, a unique time of introspection. The very name “Rosh Hashana” implies that this special day is bound up with the “rosh,” the head, and its capacity for meaningful cognition. More broadly, Tosafos (Rosh Hashana 27a) synthesize the contrasting opinions of Rebbe Eliezer and Rebbe Yehoshua regarding the date of the world’s creation by teaching that although the world was created in Nissan, Tishrei captures the energy of the moment the Primordial Thought arose in Hashem’s Mind to create the world; the formative spark that preceded the creative action. Before launching into the next 12-month cycle with which our all-too-brief time on this earth are marked, Rosh Hashana grants us the opportunity to pause, to think deeply about the purpose of our passionate pursuits, to turn inward and assess the degree of our alignment with the underlying ideals upon which our lives are founded. In this essay, with Hashem’s help, we will endeavor to explore a foundational perspective on some of life’s most important questions through the lens of the glorious day of Rosh Hashana itself.

In the Rosh Hashana davening, we say, “Hayom haras olam, today is the birthday of the world.” However, as we know, the world was actually created on the 25th of Elul. (Midrash Rabbah, Devarim) Rosh Hashana was the day not of creation’s genesis, but of the origin of Man, as well as his swift failure to align with the ideal for which he was created – the sin of the Eitz HaDaas. The tzaddikim teach that the way in which the first man and woman were created holds a deep secret that touches on the very premise of their existence and the emanation of the physical realm.

Chazal reveal (Berachos 61a, Bereishis Rabbah 8a, Zohar Shemos 55a) that, originally, Adam and Chava were created as a single being, unified at the back and facing away from one another. After breathing life into this human, named “Adam,” Hashem placed it in a deep slumber (the “tardeimah,” described in Bereishis 2:21) and proceeded to saw the halves apart in a process referred to as the “nesirah,” producing two separate beings – the male “Adam” and the female “Chava.”

On the surface, this event seems tragic, perhaps even barbaric. What a heart-wrenching scene! Can you imagine how Adam and Chava, conscious of their sudden separateness, must have felt in their new state of disunity? How much they must have yearned for the total oneness they previously experienced? Can you imagine the sense of loss and incompleteness they must have experienced as only half a picture when they had had previously reflected the image in all of its glory? The question begs: How could the infinitely compassionate Creator be so cruel to the crowning jewel of his creation?

As troubling as this problem is, it becomes magnified when we understand the wider significance of this event. In addition to the historical reality of Adam and Chava’s existence, the first man and woman are interpreted as symbols for all masculine and feminine energies in their manifold expressions throughout the entirety of existence. Chief among these expressions, of course, is the relationship between Hashem and His nation, Am Yisrael, who are compared to lovers throughout Shir HaShirim and as bride and groom in the context of Matan Torah (see Rashi to Devarim 33:2, and Taanis 26b). Looking back at the “nesirah,” the sundering apart, that produced the separate beings of Adam and Chava through this new, more expansive lens (see Zohar Vol. 3, 132b), we naturally grow all the more confused. For what purpose did Hashem choose to create the illusion in

which a part of Himself, a “cheilek Eloka m’maal,” would perceive itself as a separate consciousness – existing as an autonomous being experiencing life in an independent realm? Wouldn’t it have been better for our collective national soul, “Knesses Yisrael,” which manifests within each Jewish individual (represented by Chava), to have remained part and parcel of the infinite light of Hashem (represented by Adam), subsumed within His Being? In more direct terms, what is the ultimate purpose of Creation and Am Yisrael’s role within it?

The answer to this existential question is as fundamental as it is deep. It is certainly true that as a single conjoined being, Adam and Chava enjoyed an incredible degree of closeness. But as close as they were, this level of intimacy was limited and could bear no fruit; connected at the back, Adam and Chava could never see each other face to face. Paradoxically, it was their physical detachment that allowed for a far deeper connection to be forged, that opened vistas of depth, passion, and understanding that could have never otherwise been achieved.

The tzaddikim explain that the same is true about the relationship between the Jewish nation and their Source, the Infinite One. In their pre-creation state, Am Yisrael were one with Hashem, “kudsha b’rich hu v’Yisrael kulo chad.” However, this ultimate unity produced a state of annihilating nullification so great that the Jewish soul was bereft of the capacity to perceive Hashem. Absorbed within Him, we were so entirely overwhelmed by His Presence that we couldn’t possibly grasp His Glory. When Hashem constricted His Essence and made room for a seemingly separate creation within which human beings with an apparently independent consciousness could abide, this “sawing apart” afforded the Jewish soul with the remarkable ability to turn themselves around and gaze into the eyes of Hashem like the two keruvim atop the Aron who capture this relationship, meeting face to face. (See Zohar, Vol. 3, 44b.)

As a result of the ostensibly tragic concealment of Hashem’s Presence and distancing from us, we are granted the opportunity to engage with the created world in accordance with the guidelines and perspectives of the Torah, encountering Hashem and forging an even deeper level of unity. This, then, is perhaps the underpinning of the entire Jewish enterprise: it is our task, duty, and privilege to use our apparent independence for the purpose of willfully and joyously “turning ourselves around” to construct a deep and direct relationship with our Creator.

Unfortunately, the circumstances that afford us this great opportunity also present a grave challenge. Ironically, should we so choose, the independence of our individual consciousness can enable us to connect with Hashem in a way that is face to face; it also makes it possible for a Jew to fall prey to the illusion and continue marching in the opposite direction. Freedom to choose, the benchmark of our individuality, can quickly become slavery to egotistic gratification, the deification of our sense of self. Indeed, the pasuk tells us that while “G-d created Man straight, they sought our varied calculations.” (Koheles 7:29) Formed for the purpose of using our independence for the singular purpose of turning around and engaging with Hashem, we soon begin pursuing a variety of different goals, making calculations that do not align with our grand mission. This fundamental error is encapsulated within every cheit, every sin, which involves man prioritizing his own will over the Will of Hashem, choosing to face the world instead of using the human condition as a tool which enables him to turn around to face his Creator. Indeed, the word “cheit” literally means “to miss” – to turn away from the “yashrus” with which Hashem created us and veer off our charted path into the labyrinth of “varied calculations.”

As the introduction of sin into creation, Adam and Chava’s eating from the Eitz HaDaas Tov V’Ra is the root of all subsequent deviations from the will of Hashem. Only a few hours after their creation and emblematic separation from one another, Adam and Chava are unable to maximize on the opportunity afforded them by their circumstances. Instead of collectively serving as an “eizer k’negdo,” “helping” Hashem to reveal His G-dliness in the lower realms and thus perceiving, relating to, and achieving intimacy with Him in the deepest possible way, they stumble over the challenge inherent to the ego

Looking up from our siddur with tear-filled eyes, we find ourselves enveloped by the majesty of Hashem’s Presence, the depth of His Desire to bond with us, to express His Love for us face-to-face.

and begin to seek personal gain, “varied calculations” instead of the joy of “straightness,” “Ul’yishrei lev, simcha.” (Tehillim 97:11)

The progression of events during the sixth day of Creation and the speed with which Adam and Chava failed seem quite discouraging. Reflecting upon this almost immediate descent into spiritual ruin causes us to wonder. Is it possible that the opportunity to live in alignment with the purpose of Creation and relate to Hashem face to face is eclipsed by the challenge of our illusory independence? Is it possible that we are simply unable to leverage our situation as individual beings outfitted with a separate consciousness and freedom of choice in order to grow close to Hashem? Perhaps the draw toward egotistic pursuits and physical gratification is simply too powerful!

Friends, Rosh Hashana is the shining response to this bleak sentiment. On the very day of both Chava’s creation and humanity’s first disastrous encounter with the ego, Hashem has granted us the gift of recalibration, an opportunity to recapture the sense of “yashrus” with which we were created. Before launching into a new year with all the facets of experience the future holds, we pause to reconnect with the premise of all, the prayer with which all of our pursuits in the physical realm are intended to reverberate: “Our G-d and the G-d of our forefathers, reign over the entire universe in Your Glory, be exalted over the entire world in Your Splendor… let everything that has been made know that You are its Maker, let everything that has been molded understand that You are its Molder, and let everything with a life’s breath in its nostrils exclaim: ‘Hashem, G-d of am Yisrael, is King, and His Kingship rules over everything!’” (Shemoneh Esrei for Rosh Hashana)

On Rosh Hashana, we are permeated by an infusion of Hashem’s belief in our ability to fulfill the purpose of Creation. As the cry of “HaMelech” fills our souls, we find ourselves repositioned on the path of our essential holiness, our wanderings a thing of the past. Looking up from our siddur with tear-filled eyes, we find ourselves enveloped by the majesty of Hashem’s Presence, the depth of His Desire to bond with us, to express His Love for us face-to-face. And we, too, are reminded that no matter the odds, and come what may, we can succeed, we shall succeed – “netzach Yisrael lo yeshakeir.” (Shmuel I, 15:29)

We are all familiar with the various mnemonics for which the word “Elul” may be seen to represent. “Ani L’Dodi V’Dodi Li” and “Es Levovcha V’es Levav” are among the more famous of these rashei teivos, but there are many others as well. One of the most unique, which I heard from my father, shlita, is found in an unlikely place: the bracha of Asher Yatzar.

In Asher Yatzer, we say, “Im yipasei’ach echad mei’hem, oh yisaseim echad meihem, ee efshar l’hiskayeim v’laamod lifanecha afilu sha’ah achas – if one of them (the bodily cavities) were to be punctured, or if one of them were to be sealed, it would be impossible for us to exist and to stand before You.” Now, if we drop the word “ ee,” and select only the words “Efshar l’hiskayeim v’laamod lifanecha, It is indeed possible to exist and to stand before You!” we find another set of four words whose opening letters spell “Elul”.

The days of Elul, which culminate in the recalibration and existential clarity of Rosh Hashana, echo with this foundational message: “Efshar l’hiskayeim” – despite the challenges involved, it is indeed possible to exist with a separate consciousness, having been sawed away from your essence in Hashem and placed within a physical universe seemingly detached from the spiritual realm, and yet “v’laamod lifanecha” – to stand before You, Hashem, using all of life an opportunity to encounter You, face to face.

Wishing all of Am Yisrael a kesiva v’chasimcha tova and a gut gebentchte yohr!

R’ Yaakov Klein is an author, musician, and lecturer devoted to sharing the inner light of Torah through his books, music, and lectures. He is the founding director of Eilecha, a UK-based organization focused on creating opportunities for spiritual growth and experiential education in the local community and beyond.