Teen Talk

By Mrs. C. Isbee

Dear Teen Talk,

We are two sisters writing. We would be very grateful if you gave us some insight on how to resolve our predicament.

Now that the Yomim Noraim are almost here, we are faced with a dilemma. Our parents would like to buy shul seats for us for Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur, however, for various reasons, we are more comfortable with davening at home.

Let’s give you some background as to why we feel this way. Two years ago, due to COVID restrictions, we davened at home for Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur for the first time. We found that we had more kavanah and were able to get through all the tefilos without getting sidetracked. The fancy clothes, crying kids, and people talking incessantly are the distractions that we have been able to avoid. Furthermore, as much as we know it’s holy, we found ourselves spacing out, at times, over the few hours we were there. Last year, even though our shul was offering seating, we opted to daven at home. Once again, it was a very fulfilling experience.

We know our parents will be disappointed with us if we decline their offer. In addition, our grandmother will be with us for yom tov. We know she loves to go to shul and will likely be upset with us if we don’t join her. As these days are fast approaching, time is of the essence and we would like some hadracha for this situation.

-Chani and Avigayil R. Teen Talk, a new column in

TJH, is geared towards the teens in our community. Answered by a rotating roster of teachers, rebbeim, clinicians, and peers (!), teens will be hearing answers to many questions they had percolating in their minds and wished they had the answers for.

Dear Chani and Avigayil,

I appreciate the importance you place on proper tefillah. The Yomim Noraim, The Days of Awe, are a time of serious introspection. This is the time where we aim to do our due diligence in making the most out of our connection to the Ribbono Shel Olam.

I remember clearly the days when we were homebound due to COVID restrictions. Even though it was a very difficult period, I do have some special memories, specifically congregating together in my dining room to daven. I also remember how sad it was not to be exposed to the complete tefillah that normally takes place only when gathering in shul. There was no leining (reading of the Torah out loud) to listen to. The beautiful melodies of Chazaras Hashatz (repetition of the prayers by the chazzan) were absent. Duchening by the kohanim (recitation of the priestly blessings) was missing, as well as hearing the recitation of the kaddish by mourners. The feeling of detachment from our brethren being unable to congregate together in a mikdash me’at was real. We longed for the day when we could gather together again and proclaim our allegiance to Hashem in unison.

It’s understandable why you believe your davening is more potent at home versus at shul. Your desire to concentrate without any interference is commendable. Since the unfortunate virus erupted, it sounds as though you have made peace with davening at home and have reached great heights in doing so.

In Parshas Terumah, Hakadosh Baruch Hu says to Klal Yisroel, “V’asu li mikdash v’shachanti b’socham, And let them make Me a sanctuary, that I may dwell among them.” Hashem told us that He would like for us to build houses of worship, so that He can rest His Shechina upon us. When we assemble all together in a building designated for praying to our Creator, we elevate ourselves. One of the reasons why Hashem’s Shechina settles on those who gather in shul to daven is because of the achdus (togetherness) of the congregants, as it says in Sefer Mishlei, “B’rov am hadras melech, In multitudes, there is the glorification of Hashem.” When we assemble together to serve Hashem, the impact it has on Him is so great. We are the chosen nation gathering in scores, in groups across the universe; of course, Hashem’s glory is revealed, then!

Men rush to daven with a minyan three times a day, even though davening b’yechidus is allowed. Surrounded by ehrliche Yidden in talleisim, hearing the “kolos” (voices) of tefillah, answering “Amen,” listening to the rav’s speech, and even noticing the majestic aron kodesh are all part of the spiritual experience of shul.

My father, Harav Yonasan Binyomin Jun-

greis, zt”l, was the rav of the shul, Yeshiva Ateres Yisroel, in the Canarsie section of Brooklyn, NY. We were fortunate to live on the block of our shul. My experiences of davening in shul as a child till I married and moved away are precious and shaped who I am today. I fondly remember my friend, Jennifer, knocking on my door every

Shabbos and yom tov morning to get me out of bed to go to shul with her. Sure, we could have davened at home, but the feeling of kedusha that came from being part of a group serving Hashem together gave greater strength and meaning to our tefillos. As the rabbi’s daughter, my job every Yom Kippur was to give the Yizkor cards out to the women. The memories of observing them with tears in their eyes is something that will forever be etched in my memory. Being grateful that I had my beloved parents while leaving during Yizkor is a deep emotion that I remember vividly. I would return to my seat in shul, renewed and ready to daven with more sentiment and fervor.

I also remember how exciting it was to learn parshas hashavua every week in my alma mater, Prospect Park Yeshiva, knowing that I would eventually be hearing the corresponding leining while at shul in its melodious tune on Shabbos.

As important as it to go to shul on Shabbos, how much more worthwhile and significant it is for you girls to attend on the Yomim Noraim! Listening to the haunting melodies of the chazzan, especially during U’nesaneh Tokef, Kol Nidrei, and of course during the Kaddish at the outset of the Shemona Esrei stirs the soul. The sounds of the shofar awaken us to do teshuva. Is there a better way to have the kavanah that you desire than by observing elderly women, especially the Holocaust survivors, wiping the tears from their red-rimmed eyes?

I find myself singing the sweet songs of my youth as I prepare for the yomim tovim. Humming “K’vakaras Edro” or “V’chol Maaminim,” or “Ochila La’Kel” as I cook, bake, and set the table transports me to the mikdash me’at on 8101 Avenue K. Even though, the building is no longer our family shul, and it’s been many years since I davened there, the tefillos are alive within me. The appreciation I have for the Yomim Noraim is so very strong because of my experiences davening at shul. This cherishment simply cannot be attained by davening at home.

As far as the distractions you may have in shul, I get it. Yes, there are people wearing fancy clothes. Sometimes, there could be crying babies. And unfortunately, sometimes, there may be people talking in shul. Truth be told, we are supposed to wear our finest to shul as our King is being exalted there. Most people who go to shul, go there to daven. If there is talking, you can always move to another side. If you feel it’s excessive and poses a problem, perhaps you can speak to the rav or the gabbai about addressing the issue.

As you both indicated, you’ve encountered times when you zoned out, and it was hard for you to keep up nor be in sync with the davening. Certainly, the more consistently you attend shul services, the greater your ability to keep pace will be. Davening with a minyan at shul is a most glorious experience! There is so much more than enunciating the words of the tefilos that takes place there. Once your attendance is more consistent, instead of drifting off, you will “be in the moment” as you appreciate all that is happening. There is a “seder” throughout the davening. You will surely heed to maintain proper attention as you listen to the Chazzan saying over the tefilos. You will be aware when to say “Zos HaTorah” as they hold up the Torah at Hagbah. You will take in, not just the leining, but the haftorah and the recitation of the brachos of the haftorah, as well. And, you will treasure Birkas Kohanim as you notice the Leviyim lining up to wash the Kohanim’s hands.

How fortunate you both are to have your grandmother staying with you for yom tov! What a nachas it would be for her to have you both sitting beside her during davening. As she is older, and I’m sure wiser than you, there is so much you can learn from her. Even walking to shul together can jumpstart the experience into something memorable. It’s a time where you can ask her to share her early memories of going to shul as a young girl.

Be”H, you both will marry and have families. During the times of raising young children, you will probably not be able to venture out to daven in shul. Your place during the Yomim Noraim will be at home. I can tell you, though, that your davening at that time will be much more significant and meaningful if you have the background and foundation of shul davening.

As illustrated above, the experience of davening in shul is incomparable to that of davening at home. Only the Bais Haknesses experience can provide you with: 1. Being in the presence of Hashem’s Shechina in His dwelling place 2. Assembling as one group all doing the same thing at once: serving Hashem 3. Valuing koach hatefilla of the tzibbur (group) 4. Hearing the voices of the congregants as they ask Hashem for rachamim (mercy) and praise Him for all that He has done 5. Listening to the chazzan repeat over the davening 6. Answering Amen Yehai Shmai Rabbah to the kaddish 7. Taking in the duchening 8. Gleaning the messages of the rav’s speech first-hand 9. Listening to the leining 10. A greater appreciation for what you learn in limudei kodesh at school, such as Chumash and Navi as you hear the Baal Korei lein 11. Understanding what Yizkor is all about; thus appreciating your loved ones 12. The opportunity to observe others’ kavanah and learn from them 13. Noticing the klei kodesh and structural beauty of this mikdash me’at 14. Building a repertoire of the holy tunes of the many tefillos

And so much more….

Chani and Avigayil, I want to wish you a kesivah v’chasima tova. Your desire to do the right thing is definitely appreciated by Hakadosh Baruch Hu. Hashem will surely listen to your heartfelt tefillos and grant you a sweet year.

Are you a teen with a question? If you have a question or problem you’d like our columnists to address, email your question or insight to editor@fivetownsjewishhome.com, subject line: Teen Talk.

Sincerely, Mrs. Chayala Isbee

Mrs. Chayala Isbee is a long-time educator and school counselor at Bais Yaakov of Baltimore.