Fear & Bravery Zine

BR AVE RY

F E A R & B R AV E RY Z I N E : A FINAL PROJECT FROM THE POETRY & ACTIVISM CL ASS

DEAR STUDENTS: YOU MAKE ME BRAVE. & YOU WRITE BEAUTIFUL + IMPORTANT POEMS.

YOU MAKE ME WANT TO FACE THIS WORLD. I LOVE YOU. THANK YOU. MS.Caits

ENDLESS DAYS MICHELLE MATTO Death strolls down the streets at night.

As it gets closer the air gets thinner, it’s hard to breathe.

Suddenly the world stops, time is frozen.

She’s suffocating you with the repetition of thousands of memories flooding back into your mind.

From when he touched you and left burn marks on your body like a deer in headlights.

When she slapped you it made you feel unsafe like a baby turtle being abandoned by its mother.

When they called you those names.

When you would get glares for just walking the halls.

It haunts you everyday you’re on this earth.

You’re drowning in a sea full of lies, it’s pulling you down deeper.

You want to keep holding on for them but you can’t.

You slip away from their grip.

You try to hold on as tight as you can, but she gets what she wants.

She shadows your every move and now you’re lost in the world.

ALTER-EGO BRANDON SMITH Do you know the true meaning of fear?

Your heart rate alarms you, almost like its natural, wiping away the bravery that you say you have.

Your mind picks up the street words of your neighborhood — From the shooting to killing, will I be next?

I guess we’ll see when true fear leaves a knot just for you.

Fear & Bravery by Isatou Jawara

LETTER TO FEAR BRITTANIE GORDON You angry, unstoppable monster, I HATE YOU. I see you in my dreams, but I can’t see your face.

I see you in the mirror as I pass by and catch a glimpse of myself.

How do I escape you? Whenever I think of you, I feel like I’m trapped in a bubble without oxygen and all I can smell is you. It smells like raw blood and gun powder in here. Despicable.

I can feel the tears running down my face.

The voice in my head whimpering, begging for more time. And I feel it now, you’re near by. My heart beats faster, I feel your breath on my neck, you’re here but I’m not ready. Listen, I know you’re real.

I try not to think about you, but you’re inevitable.

I do know one thing though, you won’t stop me from jumping from the sky and growing wings, you won’t stop me from flying!

When I think about all I can do, I realize, death is nothing to be scared of!

REALNESS BRANDON SMITH The smell of gunpowder wanders the street of the Bronx.

From pistols to the exchange of bullets.

From drugs to rivalry.

Only the things that start a fight are things that can’t end a fight.

When you grow up to the smells and sounds of the neighborhood, you couldn’t care less.

It would be a joke from time to time.

Oh wait, reality already checked in.

This is real.

It’s time to stop dreaming.

I must be brave.

I must not fear the fears I make.

If I’ve survived for this long, that must mean I’m doing me.

I’m being brave for me.

I am bravery.

Fear & Bravery by Delquan Durham

LOCKED THOUGHTS DELQUAN DURHAM A pair of handcuffs where my heart should have been.

Cold, rusty and lifeless.

The only taste I can recognize is an upset stomach, empty.

An unrecognizable aroma circulated through out, forgetting I lost my day-to-day necessities, my soul would talk to itself because it had no other.

Locked away to think until I had no more thoughts.

Isolated.

Restrained.

Forgotten.

The only words that came, my brain shut down in fear.

Fear & Bravery by Shanice Tramble

I AM MY FUTURE SHANICE TRAMBLE I am my future I walk with strings upon my arms and legs attached to a dark cloud.

I wish I knew my future accurately, like the weatherman knows the temperatures the next day.

But, I’ve been gifted with the power to exist.

I change from a drizzle to a tsunami.

I am now carrying my own cut strings.

I sing my future and drink my fear’s tears.

Fear by Carlos Luna

Fear & Bravery by Shadey Ruiz

QUICKSAND SHADEY RUIZ I haven’t visited in so long; feels like forever, right?

Like it all happened yesterday.

Can’t get the feeling of you being alone out of my chest.

It’s so bad it makes me shake, as if I try to walk in the semi-wet dirt, but it quickly turns to quicksand, ready for me to join you in a never-ending sleep.

Blaming myself for losing you doesn’t hurt like it use to; Blaming you for leaving me just made me feel selfish, even though I was never seen as “daddy’s little girl,” I was still that little girl that cried to mommy and daddy whenever something didn’t go my way.

As a child I liked running through the cemetery.

The peace and quiet turned to tortuous screaming but no one was really there.

Never thought the most peaceful place in my mind could turn into the loudest, deepest hole that wants to only be covered with something cold.

Colder than the misery of the those who are lost.

DEAR FEAR SHADEY RUIZ I’m tired of hearing your loud screech trying to make me turn so you may hear me speak so that way your sharp knife of discouragement can stab my intelligence and see me bleed from my development, then skin me as if I was some kind of experiment Gifted with something you don’t think is pure but my mind can play tricks like never before knowing you were going to open your mouth wanting to regret but your words comfort me anger turned to disparity but the clouds in my head just wanted some clarity Just let me ask you this: how did it feel when you injected me with your trust?

When the price I ended up paying was never discussed? You mean to tell me that you didn’t think it would go around?!

The world keeps spinning and you just had to make a sound ALL I ASKED WAS FOR YOU… My friend…

But I should have know all things come to an end.

Fear & Bravery by Edwin Soto

MY ONLY WEAPON EDWIN SOTO If you live in the hood, they look at you vicious You can be just chilling on the block, but “doing something suspicious” Nappy hair, they stop you Dreds, they stop you this society is falling down like the bristles on my brush If your skin is darker than some new white ups If you were darker than the paper bag, they’ll look at you like some kind of monster Walking home from Manhattan to the Bronx, carrying a pocket full of Skittles I jump from Earth to Mars When a cop says goodnight fear rises in my throat, full of cotton the air smells metallic, sounds like a symphony of moon crickets fear smells like a cop car, tires burning rubber

But I gather my strength like a kid battling Cancer My soul is soul food, tastes like collard greens and history I dare the badge to shoot me I drink the bullets that have gone through my Black ancestors My mouth is my only weapon

HEALED EDWIN SOTO I know how it feels when your stomach touches ya rib when I was little, didn’t even know what family was, just jumping from crib to crib. When I was little I never even met my own grandmother, and truthfully, the only thing I learned from my moms was to use that rubber. It was just last year that I learned my pops died. He was never there my whole life, so I didn’t cry. It was crazy, Mama always put parties over me, me and sis grew up in foster care, she couldn’t even play with barbies.

R.I.P., grandma I can feel ya entity. Big sister grew up with no empathy. Kept hearing I’ll always be here for you but it sounded like an empty melody.

Me and moms, we lost our chemistry.

Watching lil’ sis get beat in the shower messed with me mentally. Mama, why did you drink during ya prenancy? Wish I had been there to tell momma to put down that bottle of Hennessy.

Damn, alcohol became her worst enemy.

But despite what’s been done to me, I won’t become my own worst enemy, won’t sell myself to the devil in a bad deal.

I can speak my own story without crying.

That’s how I know I’ve been healed.

THE PURGE SULY ALVAREZ You thought the purge was just a movie but the cops play it everyday And I just hope one day they’ll exclude me Because this stuff keeps happening day by day You see I call that my hurricane effect ‘cause once the air is filled with cop it’s another colored man on the street like a fall leaf that drops Did you get that?

We’re taught not to fight back and think back when Martin Luther King had every white person on his back But also had every African American following behind his back as he walked back hoping to gain back what we call freedom everybody want power and everybody tryna reach the top But how ya gonna achieve that goal when no one is trying to getting off the block We gotta make something of ourselves, show them that we better then we seem stop saying what you’re gonna do and go do it, go get that degree

And it don’t matter what’s your skin color all that light skin and dark skin and race stuff is relentless the only thing that’s actually different is where the boat left us don’t let them separate us show them that you’re educated use your words instead of you hands let them know you know your rights and that you’re a free man Let them know that you’re free ‘cause Dr Martin Luther King Let them know we are no longer gonna stress thanks to Malcom X That we’ll no longer let them tear us apart ‘cause of Rosa Parks You see they don’t use water hose and dogs like the used to now just ready to pull that trigger ‘cause it’s useful and everyone wanna find a reason why like we playing Blues Clues But let me take out my handy dandy notebook and do what you do — I’ll get a damn life sentence, you get a hit on the hand and a two week suspension...

But you thought the purge was just a movie

Fear & Bravery by Starlin Pimentel, Taylor Richmond and Steph Porfil

FEAR POEM EILEEN VALERIO Fear is an unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous.

Likely to cause pain or a threat.

Like someone telling you your ideas won’t ever come true; knocking you down from your horse by shooting you straight through your chest leaving the bullet inside.

Well I’m here to take that bullet out and loop you with a thread of yarn, sewing inside you so that you wouldn’t be given the opportunity of dreaming without having the possibility of making your dream a reality.

However my fear isn’t my dream not being a success, because it will.

My fear is....

Being afraid of my fear,

not being able to say my fear and no longer let it eat me inside.

But how can I even be sure it’s a fear, should I embrace it?

Not everyone has to be sure they say.

I mean if you had a seventeen year old daughter, how would you feel if she one day came upon you and said what I’m about to say.

“Mom I don’t feel complete with a man’s company.”

“Mom I like guys but also girls.”

Words I can never imagine me saying to the one I love till now.

Maybe my fear isn’t acknowledging it but confronting it face to face.

How can I overcome it when I’m confused about it?

Life’s a mystery not everything must be solved.

I am a puzzle in the works.

But one day I’ll be a masterpiece: fulfilled, complete.

Fear by Eileen Valerio

Fear by Shiann Brown

BRAVE LOVE SHIANN BROWN My heart lived in one of those perfect love stories where there was not a cloud in the sky: the mirror where I make myself look good before I go to see you -it’s my favorite My phone is my second favorite, it’s where I wait for my love to text or call

Fear by Yachi Bonilla

THERE WAS YACHI BONILLA There was a knife.

There was a pen and paper . to write everything he had done.

There was everything a phone where I saw the text that hurt my feelings.

There was weed to release the pain he caused me.

When I lost you I decided to get someone better.

But people change, their masks come off with lies and mistakes.

I’d rather accept the fact he left me instead of you hurting me again.

I walk from a land of cool clouds, carrying the pain that makes me change.

NO ONE WOULD UNDERSTAND. I lost my hope, everything became a dream.

Now, my mask has fallen off, too.

My bravery is the little girl inside who cames out of her shell.

She in hugging her best friend.

She is dancing to a slow song.

Proud to move to on, and happy.

BRAVERY POEM TAMARA DOMINGUEZ My heart is a big block of ice the warmth slowly wants to chew and claw it’s way through.

I’m like a haunted portrait, leaving you with memories you’re unable to forget.

I leave battle wounds in different places, and every time I go back I’m reminded.

I am being squeezed to death like a sponge until it’s shattered, although you can’t shatter a sponge ‘cause it’s not made of glass, my heart is.

I can’t be squeezed to death ‘cause there is no death for me.

I’ve been gifted with an ability to spit venom out my tongue, letting it roll down, caging my prey.

I’ll slither and walk with pride against anyone who tries to stop me, I’ve held my head up high letting the tide of life guide my way.

Fear & Bravery by Tamara Dominguez

THIS IS NOT A GUN TAMARA DOMINGUEZ Skittles. A hair comb. A wallet. A phone.

Not a gun. Not a gun.

Not a concealed weapon that will be used to hurt you sir, see, this is the problem.

The problem is that your eyes, like your hands have been trained, to look for any weapons.

Your eyes have been trained to see for Black hands to aim, breathe, take a shot and point a gun at you, sir.

That is a pack of skittles being pointed at you, sir.

That is a hair comb pointed at you, see that is a wallet, a phone, a call from his mom, sir, stop pointing your gun at him his hands are up, reaching for the warmth of God’s hands from the ominous skies.

Sir, that is not a gun, that is a child, that is your son, that is your father, that is not a gun.

Put your hands where I can see them, not a gun.

LISTEN UP! STEPH PORFIL Bang, bang that’s the sound of the gun it sounded like a drum, but where I’m from we know that’s a gun no one knows who died, but we hear a Black mother cry, her face no longer dry but the people won’t care it’s just one more person one more Black person not alive can you hear that?

Nothing at all the mother is in shock she’s sitting on the floor where her son got shot although they was all posted on the block in the matter of seconds something became nothing OH yeah, the cops came too late the crime scene swept off like a dirty plate Honestly, let’s get it out the way if your Black you’re already dead the cops don’t care who you are or what you bring to the table or where your from a gun is a gun and they’re taking every Black out one by one

Now let me guess you don’t care, cause you’re not... well let’s get something straight, we’re all under attack so just listen if you’re already not they been took us Blacks out the picture think it’s time we get a new frame ‘cause at the end we ain’t going nowhere ‘cause at the end I wouldn’t dare stop loving my race even if a cop had his gun in my face and threatened to let it spray but foreal, foreal being Black is a job and I’m letting everyone know now I just got hired and I don’t plan to retire And just so yah know the cops ain’t never gonna change they just gonna level up on they game and front like we all get treated the same So yeah, Martin Luther king died for a dream he wanted all of us to play on the same team But this world is based on 3 things: power, money and greed keep your head up high ‘cause no one is ready to die just ask MLK, oh yeah, I forgot, he got shot by a white guy but what the people fail to realize is that the root of all evil is that life has no sequel

And if bleed, you bleed too and if I could die, you could die too they don’t know we’re the new generation and we don’t need no preparation and I hope this was the best installation So shout out to Eric Garner, Micheal Brown and Trayvon let their legacy live on and on so much it sound like a song I hope this gave yah chills ‘cause Black Lives Matter fo’real

Fear & Bravery by Khadija Ali

DEAR HEARTBREAK KHADIJA ALI Why do you hurt so much?

Why do you make me feel like a dead mommy laying in the cemetery with no life?

You make me feel so lost, broken and dark on the inside.

You make me feel to jump off mountains and kill myself. I no longer feel happy.

I can’t laugh without feeling depressed right after.

I try to keep positive by sitting and reading love stories, hoping to find comfort.

However, I still felt pain, and it felt like being stabbed in the heart with a sharp dagger.

No words could ever describe how horrible you made me feel on the inside.

Heartbreak, you have cost me so much but I am glad I faced you because now I can go near a venomous snake, climb the highest mountain and take on challenges that are difficult. It is weird how I learned so much from you because now I feel like a orange filled with juice.

UNTITLED DIEGO ROMERO Feeling I can die any day over thinking, I can pass my way If I do, sorry for the ppl I’ve come across the wrong way Either I get love or I get none everyday I feel like I’m the one the don, the supposely chosen one not running but feeling like I won I’m hustling while you having fun I’m growing while you having your first son he looking at me overpassing the sun

Fear & Bravery by Diego Romero

Fear & Bravery by Araceli Salazar

RED IN GOLD ARACELI SALAZAR I FEAR the red pen how it marks every mistake and can’t be erased.

I look into a black hole and see my terrifying thoughts about how the world world might END. I dare anyone to challenge me.

My family gave me the strength to keep moving forward.

I sing without a beat.

I wear my confidence like a summer dress, baring shoulders.

I can see the SNAKES in my own lawn and I CUT them off.

I take the RED PEN to write my future into existence, it is a mine of GOLD.

DEAR GUN MELANIE LANTIGUA I am afraid of you. You sound like an animal fighting its prey. You nearly killed my cousin and you already killed my uncle that I never knew but always wanted to meet. I DO NOT want to see or hear another shot. You can change a person’s whole perspective on life. So please, don’t shoot. I don’t wanna be remembered as another teenager who got shot for whatever reason what so ever. I do not want people jacking “Melanie’s world” so soon, when I haven’t even finished completing my goals. I want to graduate high school, to complete college. I don’t want people to see a fake version of me on the casket, looking like a war figure or a glass doll. I don’t wanna be buried 6 feet under the ground where it is dark caving in, a suffocating quiet. So please, please.

Please don’t pull the trigger.

Fear & Bravery by Ronnie Fladger

MUSIC / RONNIE FLADGER Music is where my mind should’ve been.

A walk to the store to buy the same things, again: Barbeque Lays and an Arizona, I pay 2 dollars then I hit the corner.

Walking through the street I hear cop sirens, my costume changes from a cat to a lion.

Walking the ghetto streets hoping I get home safe, but I dare the evils to try and test my faith.

Walking through the projects while on the watch ‘cause things happen unexpectedly like a jack popping out of the box.

I see what looks like gang members in front of my building, chillin’, up to nothing good like a villain.

I hear them talking about revenge, the wind blows, the leaves dance something gets intense.

I get closer, last glance, I hear their anger.

Then finally, I’m home captured by the music, I’ve escaped danger.

FIVE YEARS OLD JARLYN MARTINEZ Reliant on my parents arguing roughly every day, I was accustomed to this already.

I’d pick sides, I was more of a daddy’s girl, my mother and I weren’t as close.

Everyday my dad would come home from work and make sure I was good before he’d fall asleep.

But he hadn’t been coming home for a while.

I wasn’t comprehending on his absence.

Death, I knew wasn’t the answer.

Fast forward to orange jumpsuits.

Orange jumpsuits were all he wore.

I was young and clueless. And why did I have a limit to speak with my own father?

This didn’t hit me until we were all sitting in a room and there was a person with a robe striking a gavel against a sound block.

My dad aggressively taken out of the room by policemen, my legs shaking incredibly fast.

I didn’t see him after. I didn’t hug him goodbye nor said a word. It was like my heart ripped straight out of my chest. At 5 years old I lost my first friend. My father was taken away from me until 8 years later, when we reunited and that emptiness that I’ve been feeling for almost a decade was filled.

Fear & Bravery by Jarlyn Martinez

Fear & Bravery by Aaron Saldana

SELF HELP AARON SALDANA I can conquer any obstacle that I face no matter the difficulty no matter how long the bridge I have to cross I will always shine like a star in the darkest night maybe lonely, but my passion and commitment makes me bright.

The only thing I worry about are black holes.

You know the things that suck the light and energy out of things: i.e. friends, decisions, society, they are like leeches, weights that seem to never get lighter as you hold them up.

I thought those weights were making me stronger although I was getting weaker.

That’s why I started yoga.

I’M SCARED SAMARA HENRY I’m scared to lose everything I worked and scarficed for I’m scared to lose the one I took the time to shape and groom I’m scared of ever being replaced and her seeing my tears as a sign of me being weak, when I’m really just crying out to be loved I’m scared of seeing someone else get the best version of her, while I had to put up with the rawness and realness I spent every hour of everyday worrying about her and making sure she was good She’s a smile I can’t live without but maybe it’s my fault, I got too attached Man, I’m scared of losing myself Once Samara’s gone, there’s no bring her back Sad part is, I feel that I have already lost myself Samaraaaaaaaa...

Fear & Bravery by Samara Henry

FEAR