Worlds Expectations of Me vs My Own

Why you play with my heart and not show love consistently? after Chosen 1 by Polo G

not everyone holds the same love as you do not everyone holds the same trust as you do You give it out to the world with open arms, but what do you receive?

be cold, they say, don't love too hard they say,

It's not something you can not do You can't turn your own heart black It has to be bruised enough, thrown around and played with enough, in order for it to be black like they want

You love hard because its genuine, You care because it feels good It feels like cloud nine

You eventually stop loving and caring after the trauma, Lies, fear, and heartaches You stop wanting to feel like you're on cloud nine Because if something can feel so good it can later feel so bad Why keep reaping it and nding out eventually love is going to turn into heartache and depression

After the trauma A heart stays as cold as the day it was rst left behind Winter lives here now and they say It's okay to stay that way

Many moments have changed my life. I don't know for better or worse. I've stumbled and fallen over repeatedly when facing a goal I have in mind. For example, my parents have always been thorough but lenient when it came to having decent grades. I grew up with the expectation that I have to be on top. So as a child, I ended up coming out on top and receiving good grades, awards, and medals, being acknowledged for my academics, and being a scholar. I felt relieved and happy to know that my parents were pleased with me and my grades. However, as soon as I was getting past elementary school and I entered the depths of high school, that soon started to spiral downhill rapidly for me. My parents did not see much progress, and I had quickly begun to fall behind in a multitude of classes. My parents began to be displeased with me since I was not on top of my A-game. I felt terrible and hung my head low and tried to pick it back up, and I did for quite some time. I was starting to feel at ease and relieved once I found a good ow when working and understanding the context in each class I had. Unfortunately, that did not last long. You see, I started to get frustrated with the work and tried completing assignments, but they began to be turned in late one by one. I did not attend classes, and my parents were in a sour mood and compared me, which I hate, and it a ected me. I eventually started to burn out, lose motivation to do work, and inevitably stopped doing the work. I despised everything and wanted to remain in the black hole. I felt unattainable expectations were consuming me. I cut myself o from the world again. Yesseymar Mat e o