One Pen Literary Journal, Spring 2019

ONEPPEN EN ONE N T HE LIT ERA RYMA GA Z INE OF B RONX ACA D EMY OF L ETTERS S P RING 2 018 IS S U E X X III

One Pen Staff ​2018-2019

Writer-in-Residence/One Pen Editor:​ Karla Robinson Designer: ​Caits Meissner Cover art by: ​Andrea Santiago Back cover art by: ​George Smith

Inside artists: Maya Asare — 89 Erika Fernandez — 117, 173 Marangelic Glasthal — 100 Jeury Gonzalez — 112, 163 Neisha Graham — 96 Lynette Hernandez — 55 Keke Little — 127 Devaun Longley — 63, 73, 181 Yisbely Made — 58 Ayanna McCoy — 13 Carol Mendez — 79 Jailin Maldonado — 132, 140, 157 Fanta Niangadou — 120 Yanellie Perez — 108, 147 Vissica Quinones — 153 Cristal Ramirez — 18, 92 Alexus Ramos — 40 Biannel Rodriguez — 23, 68, 179 Denisse Rodriguez — 135 Ashley Santana — 7, 34 Andrea Santiago — 28 George Smith — 168 Kaitlyn Soto — 84 Rosana Tavarez — 104 Paris Williams — 45, 50

Special thanks to Ms. Resnick and our principal, Erin Garry

Bronx Academy of Letters Writer Residence BronxinAcademy of Program Letters Writer in Residence Program

Writers Forum 2018-2019

For 14 years, Bronx Academy of Letters has hosted a For 14 years, Academy of Letters has hosted the a vibrant WriterBronx in Residence Program, underscoring vibrant Writer in Residence Program, underscoring the importance of literacy and writing. The Writer in importanceProgram of literacy and writing.

The Writer Residence leverages the expertise of in working Residence Program leverages the expertise of working writers to bring an authentic contemporary writing writers to bring an authentic contemporary writing experience to students. experience to students.

Through elective classes, students sparked by writing dive Through classes, sparked by writing deep intoelective the art forms ofstudents poetry and nonfiction.

They dive deep into the art forms of poetry and nonfiction.

They publish One Pen, our literary journal, and The Raven, our publish One Pen, our literary journal, and The Raven, our magazine. Students meet with special guests, attend field magazine.

Students meet with special guests, attend field trips and submit to contests to connect to the writing trips and submit to contests to connect to the writing world beyond school. world beyond school.

The Writer in Residence Program hosts three Writers The Writer Residence Program hosts three Writers Forums perinyear, school-wide performances Forums per year, school-wide performances featuring some of the most revered performance poets in featuring some of the most revered performance poets & in the field. This year, Venessa Marco, Anthony McPherson the field. This year, Venessa Marco, Anthony McPherson & Pages Matam graced the BAL stage.

Pages Matam graced the BAL stage.

1

Table of Contents

Letter from the Editor, Karla Robinson — 5 Land of the Free, Alyssa Cordero — 9 Reunited, Emily Belen — 11 Trapped, Jacilia Quinones — 14 Defeated Hand, Leidy Marquez — 16 Conscious Confessions, Jacilia Quinones — 19 Who We Are, Junior Capellan — 22 Turntable Memories, Edwin Soto — 24 Grown, But Still a Baby, Makayla “Layla” Aviles — 26 Just Believe, Junior Capellan — 29 Freedom to Be, Diego Romero — 30 Before I Fall, Yasmine Johnson — 32 The Horizon, Dijour Whaley — 36 Chagrin, Edwin Soto — 37 The Leidy Renaissance, Leidy Marquez — 38 Chains of Hope, Collaborative Poem — 41 Day One, Leidy Cruz — 42 Wake Up, Joel Ramos — 44 20 Times Your Size, Leidy Cruz — 46 Patient Silence, Starlin Pimentel — 48 Glass, Paper, Feelings, Draven Rodriguez — 51 Living Life in Slow Motion, Miguel Juarez —53 Vanished, Jacilia Quinones — 56 Sunset from All Angles, Guillermo Ovalle — 59 Why Do You Always Come Back Home?, Edwin Soto — 61 Solar Eclipse, Joel Ramos — 64 Broken Crayons, Leidy Cruz — 66 Here, but Fading, Leidy Marquez — 69 gardening, Leah Pagan — 72 Turn the Pages, Jailin Maldonado — 74 Coloring Book, Alyssa Cordero — 76 Trapped in a Loop, Jakob Rodriguez — 78 Hunted, Guillermo Ovalle — 80 State of Mind Till the End of The Light, 2

Diego Romero — 82 Abandoned Agony, Kathleen Elena Bernardez — 85 Secrets, Emily Belen — 87 Yesterday’s Escape, Dijour Whaley — 88 Dimension of Repair, Yasmine Johnson — 90 Unforgiving Darkness, Guillermo Ovalle — 94 Blade Tears, Leidy Marquez — 97 Past, Makayla “Layla” Aviles — 99 Can’t Handle the Truth, Emily Belen — 101 A Way Out, Junior Capellan — 103 Beautiful Game, Miguel Juarez — 105 To All the Mothers, Draven Rodriguez — 106 My Eyes See, Junior Capellan — 107 Dónde Estás?, Leidy Marquez — 109 Unconditional Love, Starlin Pimentel — 111 Rolling Dice, Alyssa Cordero — 113 The Game Called Life, Miguel Juarez — 115 Start of a Clock, Yasmine Johnson — 118 Searching, Alyssa Cordero — 121 Unceasing Venomous Snakes, Yasmine Johnson — 123 Depression, Makayla “Layla” Aviles — 128 Sunflower, Lourdes Lluisupa — 129 Armistice, Leidy Cruz — 130 Can’t You See Me?, Makayla “Layla” Aviles — 133 Broken, Miguel Juarez — 136 War Between My Attempting Joy and Confusion, Jailin Maldonado — 138 Regret with Thought, Diego Romero — 141 Treasure, Jailin Maldonado — 143 In Your Arms, Dijour Whaley — 145 Is It True?, Jacilia Quinones — 148 Forgotten, For Better or Worse, Diego Romero — 150 Love Is Just a Word, Matthew Mendez — 152 truth or truth, Leah Pagan — 154 Love Flew, Jailin Maldonado — 155 The Truth, Draven Rodriguez — 158 No Closure, Diego Romero — 159 3

My Sweetness Breaks, Jailin Maldonado — 161 Knife-Edged Heart, Starlin Pimentel — 164 Confessions, Moesae Sanders — 165 Thought I Was In Love Again, Dijour Whaley — 169 Hopeful Moments, Starlin Pimentel — 171 Sounds like Heaven, Jailin Maldonado — 174 To All of Me, Emily Belen — 177 Be At Ease, Draven Rodriguez — 178

4

Letter from the the Editor Editor

Hello Beauties!

It is with great excitement that I share the 2018-2019 ONE PEN with you! Within the pages of this book, you will find Ms. Karla’s 1st period poetry class, 2018-2019 the imaginings of a brilliant group of teenagers who took the time and found the courage to write down their innermost thoughts.

That Beauties! is no small feat with so much Hello going on. From children being taken from their parents at the border, survivors of to excitement abuse coming forward to It is with great that I share the 2018-2019 ONE share

their

stories,

to

government

shutdowns;

this

has

not PEN with you! Within the pages of this book, you will find been

the

easiest

year.

Even

right

here

at

home,

we

were the imaginings of a brilliant group of teenagers who took reminded the time how and fragile found life theis. courage to write down their innermost thoughts. That is no small feat with so much RIP Zevin Agosto being and Arnecia Simpson going on.

From children taken from their parents at the border, to survivors of abuse coming

forward to

share their stories, to government shutdowns; this has not been the easiest year. Even right here at home, we were reminded how fragile life is.

RIP Zevin Agosto and Arnecia Simpson

5

Through it all, poetry has provided a relentless space of love and acceptance, support and understanding. It is no surprise that so much of the book you’re holding between your fingers is about love in its many forms-- love of self, of the people around us, love of the truth and a better tomorrow. It has been a joy working with these poets.

They remind me every day to turn towards love.

With joy and poetry,

Ms. Karla’s 2nd period poetry class, 2018-2019

Ms Karla

Through it all, poetry has provided a relentless space of

love and acceptance, support and understanding. It is no

surprise that so much of the book you’re holding between your fingers is about love in its many forms-- love of self,

of the people around us, love of the truth and a better tomorrow. It has been a joy working with these poets.

They remind me every day to turn towards love.

With joy and poetry,

Ms Karla

1 6

I survived because the flowers I thought died, Fully blossomed

Dijour Whaley

I survived because the flowers I thought died, Fully blossomed Dijour Whaley

8

Land of the Free Alyssa Cordero

Dear Freedom, You’re supposed to be the leader Of this generation But it seems like You’ve been on vacation.

Or did your boss fire you?

Is it because your hair is rainbow And you like to wear dresses Instead of a suit and tie?

Couldn’t see eye to eye Because you have too much color And see through their white lives I mean lies Or did you quit because They always went against the contract?

Dear Freedom, I feel there’s a disconnect From your world and mine Fantasy and non-fiction Never felt so alive You’re only in the midst of My daydreaming eyes Now tell me why Why do they call you “Freedom” When you are no longer free?

Why do our lives Have to be on the line?

The right to property And this life is mine?

Every penny counts As long as that’s not all you have.

Freedom, why is this world 9

Getting so bad?

I thought we were moving up From the past, But it seems like We’re slipping back Down that path.

Freedom, come back.

Signed, Everybody Whose Voice Has Been Locked Away

10

Reunited Emily Belen

Innocent kids watching They're sad and miserable They don't understand What's happening The parents are saying “I love you I’ll see you again” They’ve been caught And are being separated.

They put the kids in cages to sleep.

Parents wondering How their kids are doing If they’re going to be reunited The world is wondering that too

You have famous people Posting Retweeting Protesting Reuniting families Parents waiting backstage To see their child It's been a couple of weeks Don't know how they treated her What she ate or if she even ate All the other parents can't believe this is happening When can they finally see their kids?

It's scary being in cages Not knowing what's happening Not knowing anyone Being disrespected Feeling like an outcast 11

Wanting to go home And see your mom

Being a person who is Hispanic And seeing things like this Makes me think bad about this country How can you be so cruel And take away young innocent kids From their parents?

If this doesn’t show you that families should not be separated, I don't know what does

12

Trapped Jacilia Quinones

Trapped in a room One light No sound Can't move Can't speak

Shadowy figures Coming towards me Can't scream Thoughts torture me This has to be a dream Heart pounding Flickering Like a broken light As the darkness Closes in

Trapped in a room That gets smaller With every blink Beasts drag me out Fingertips Touch me Cold as a soul drifting away From a dying body Am I the dying body?

Hollow eyes Bent neck Bones I wish never passed my pupils Why is this happening?

What does it mean?

14

Trapped in my body He taunts me Every night He haunts me No control

15

Defeated Hand Leidy Marquez

She keeps quiet.

Silenced by a big rough hand Called society.

Its fingers called men, Stereotypes Racism Islamophobia Prejudice.

Warm thick uniform With her hijab Playing around Then it gets snatched.

From smiling to thinking Her religion is a joke.

Never taken seriously anywhere, It’s a joke to society, To the government it’s a threat.

A piece of cloth over her head Determines if she’s right or wrong.

Not only is she Muslim She’s a woman.

Her mouth is covered But her eyes scream “HELP!” Instead of worrying about her backpack Worry about her well-being You deprive her of.

Let her wear a hijab Without you telling her she’s wrong For believing in Allah.

She wears a hijab But it does not cover her brain.

16

Her president grabs her By her most intimate parts.

Cannot wear what she wants Without ignorant men telling her Her outfit said yes to sex But you never had sex And she said, “I don’t know you.

Get away!”

All these challenges that silence her, Control her, Will never let her Lose sight of the powerful woman That she is.

That hand will get tired Of silencing her She will bite back.

The blood on her face All over her mouth Will show how proud she is Of being Muslim Most importantly Being a woman.

That hand will get tired Of holding back immigrant women Of tying back powerful Smart Strong women.

That hand will become weak Of just oppressing.

It’ll never be as stunning As the women fighting stereotypes, racism Torturing Islamophobia, prejudice Defeating men.

17

Conscious Confessions A Poem in Two Voices Jacilia Quinones

Our voice Won’t count Only his

Our voice Will be louder than his

Everyone’s watching With harsh judging eyes

They don’t know the story But they pass it on Like a game of telephone

Everyone’s watching?

Let them

If we want to be as loud As their assumptions of us Then scream our story At the top of your lungs Make them feel our emotions Like a sharp glass They step on Leave them scarred Make them Hear your voice In the echoing pit 19

Of their stomachs

Knowing our rights Will never be heard Is a sharp strain In my heart A tight caved in Feeling in my chest A pounding head Blurry sight And ringing ears

Our truth Won’t count Only his

Our story Is an endless nothing

Our rights Will be heard Read them out loud Force them out Aggressively Our voice Cannot Be his prisoner Don’t let him Take control

Our truth Is the only one that matters

20

Our story Is a locked room Non-stop banging Screaming to come out And only we Have the key Free us

21

Who We Are Junior Capellan

What you see is not Who we are But what you don’t see Is who we really are Thankful and nurturing

When we feel hurt The room becomes dark Like the black smoke in your lungs We must change the way people live Crossing the street and Having gun shots going in And out of you

How we live doesn’t mean that We don’t feel loving and serene When we feel hurt and distant We change

22

Turntable Memories Edwin Soto

Growing up I didn’t know Anything about My city because I was told that We forsake the hands of kids Before they have time To bloom.

“Can I see your ID?” Is a cue For them to shoot Cause you're their only view.

I never knew Handcuffs would Correct me more Than my birth mom.

I was told My death date Would kiss my Sisters’ stomach Before a baby got to kick Inside her womb.

When I die Society will control My flashbacks Like a turntable Memories of Rodney King Tamir Rice Sean Bell

But when you Turn it forward 24

You will see The ghetto does Not define me Does not Contain a heart beat Does not Live within me

25

Grown, But Still a Baby Makayla “Layla” Aviles

Taking this road every day Family comes back Sadder than before Having to face that they Have to leave their loved one in cage Growing up fast Struggling to get to the better life Where it’s always sunny Where you have that golden tan Where nothing can go wrong

No more running from cops Just for surviving Jumping from one life To another Just hoping I make it That I won’t fall to My death How could I do this to myself?

Letting myself beg for attention Letting myself down Having no control over what happened Not having a say on where I end up I couldn’t save myself I am sorry

How could I not gather strength to pull myself Out of this horrible life?

Looking at something so Sad but so gorgeous With my sharp razor blade eyes

Bad and good 26

Come hand in hand I never fought for the good things in life How could I not be the warrior I was born to be?

Grown, but still a baby Protecting when I am the one That needs to be protected

This is my year It’s all going to change All good vibes The smell of the good energy fills my life Like pastries filling up A bakery bright early in the morning Every day will be like feeling The warm glow of a sunrise

27

Just Believe Junior Capellan

If you can't make it, Just don’t look At it as something you fear Look at it as something That will make your past disappear.

If you can’t make it, Just believe that You will have peace.

Believe that Your war will end.

If you can’t make it, Just know that Your years will be better than the ones You told yourself you will fight for you freedom But did not do it.

Your year will be like when you were 3 years old Like when you had everything But no work being done for it and You didn’t need to know about the outside world About people being killed and Being overwhelmed and hateful.

If you can’t make it, Just know that you can.

29

Freedom To Be Diego Romero

My pain is possibly Changed for a greater finish Depending on the time/place and minute.

Just didn’t notice happiness makes temporary visits While peace is trying to settle at ease, Waiting calmly to be released.

Like a flower planted horribly, Born inside dirt, Blooming through concrete, Satisfied vanilla scent spreading down my street, I breathe in this air just to feel complete.

You're asking, “Where do I get things for free?”

Uncle Sam is robbing you and me daily.

They’re spending stupidly You’re laboring till you slip, Fall and scrape your knees, For single earned Worthless pennies.

Winning life Cashing in checks, Every one to two weeks But it will never be enough currency To cleanse your heart and soul And make you think You’re standing on your own two feet.

Millionaire/billionaires aren’t meant for sympathy.

They believe you to be a replica of a homeless man Begging for a better life repeatedly.

There’s a reason why they hold such position, Cold heartedly The mind facing every thought of satisfaction 30

Doubtfully With such beautiful growth of a distraction Pleasing me.

Improving as the wind blows, I watch and learn as the wind flows fantastically.

Poetically speaking Listen!

Pain can be avoided But its’ prevention is not recorded mentally.

31

Before I Fall Yasmine Johnson

Will you Catch me before I fall?

Catch me before I am Buried in Sadness, unhappiness Need Catch me so I can have support Support that will Last a lifetime

Catch me like a feather landed In your palm Like a soft teddy bear And catch it before it slides And dives

Down And the feeling Fades

Catch me so I can walk With power Have the future To look Forward to Catch me before The world Imaged with Purple roses And Pink doves Gets lost Before the rabbit with wings Says goodbye 32

And Flies away

Catch me So I can Live a life With no worries And my Happy Thoughts

33

I survived because I learned to look at myself Through my own eyes Leidy Cruz

I survived because I learned to look at myself Through my own eyes Leidy Cruz

35

The Horizon Dijour Whaley

I am the sun Glowing across The land and setting on The horizon.

I am the moon Shining its Light on the lagoon For the boats to pass through.

I am the clouds Covering the sky Blocking the lights From shining too bright.

I am the water Reflecting the Sky and ripples When you walk through me.

I am home The place everyone goes And still feels alone.

36

Chagrin Edwin Soto

I praise my confidence But it always seems To stab me in my back Thinking I can never reach my peak The clouds seem to always have The brightest color on my darkest days

Afraid my opinions might wrap their Hands around my lungs And all I can manage to do is stutter Wheeze and think to myself You gotta have patience with me

Regret is always clawing at my mouth Words are always tripping over each other Thoughts run down my eyes like computer codes It feels like I’m always pressing the delete button

It believes flesh comes with an expiration date And gave up three seasons ago I only seem to flourish through the years Trees never have leaves past autumn Never could I have Imagined that I would wither away In spring

37

The Leidy Renaissance Leidy Marquez

A soul That after years Finally goes through spring.

Leaves on her tree grow Bright, strong, green Her flowers Bloom Beautiful, bright, and pink Her crops Sprout Strong, healthy, colorful She’s the world You always dreamt of living in.

The perfect 60° wind Flows through your hair Like hands that massage Your scalp.

There’s always an end To everything though, And from beautiful spring She’ll be summer Then again fall.

All the beautiful bright, pink colors Fade away into brown rotten-looking plants.

She’s been through the Fall Felt the concrete before She’s not afraid of it.

She’s terrified she won’t make it to spring After the cold winter She barely survives.

She might not make it 38

Through the cold Streets, alone.

So cold nobody is outside.

It’s not something She can depend on.

Dried out trees No leaves No warmth Those aren’t keys to her heart.

She’s warm Not cold.

She’s flowers Not snow.

39

Chains of Hope Collaborative Poem

Teary blue Evolving calmness Makes up our soft reality Cotton skies Sunny golden joy Aware of the white wind Revolving around the blushing pink moon

Cresting waves Take away the worry And the scared midnight Milky Way Release the hurting breeze And burning insecurities

Deep purple Filled with desires Hang on a necklace of my brown flesh Outer layer of my orange tinged emotions Half made up of the danger of the future And the ropes that tie me down to my past Aware of dark shadows And bright lights Bring a breeze of hope to the yellow Underneath my eyes

41

Day One Leidy Cruz

You laid your eyes on me One day in November I guess your heart perceived me sweet and tender You asked Emmanuel for my name A boy on the same mission as you Let’s see for who this dream will come true

March 2015 My first glance, my heart said you belong to me My luck felt generous that day How did we end up walking home the same way?

God has ears I knew when later your name popped on my screen God has eyes He knew what love notes looked like Years before they’re written with despise

Before you Desolate days Feeble, a lingering spy Your presence made me strong The strength to curve my lips upward Dumbbells on my eyelids Yet I’ll find ways to lift them up just to look for you

8:25 AM Before you, I wrestled with my eyes to open My body and mind in a brawl to get up, until you An effort of joy to wake up Run to your side of the sidewalk Pink and white flower blossoms Those felt like magical spring days Hopefully those same colors will make up my bouquet 42

To describe my feelings as you stepped out of 1610 If I do, I’ll break this pen A goofy smile that knows How to hide its twin, despair I still remember your short curly black hair I’ve written a million verses about you I will write a million more To describe the heart of our love Until the day it tore Even if I’ll be labeled dumb and naive There’s a background story I hold on to Even after you leave

43

Wake Up Joel Ramos

I wake up in the middle of the night You’re not next to me This must be a nightmare I must be drowning This can’t be true!

You got left in the ocean I wanted to bring you back You started swimming all by yourself While I started losing my stamina I loved you when you didn’t It was horrible like a tsunami

You’re the brush, I’m the waves Waves and brush go together In order to get my waves I need you My waves wouldn’t be spinning If I forgot about you Even if I didn’t see you in a Good amount of time I had you on my mind 24/7 Are you still here?

Do you miss me too?

44

20 Times Your Size Leidy Cruz

I Butterfly I could never hold on to I could never with my rough hands They’re 20 times your size I could never with my chest It’s too rough, even for you just to rest I could never because I’m a million times your size The embodiment of the biggest mountain by your side I know your father will despise

Wings Holographic red Her effect stirred my storm of demons in my head Until they dissolved into a meadow of love If hurricanes found out they’ll get jealous I, with little courage, Let go of the most gracious creature If you love them let them go God, tell me why my life became a cliché feature

Circus of rainbow in the heavens over my head In the midst of my jaded life Flowers fell over her like showers Flew so gracefully, the heavens picked the Meadows to match her attire

Her wings made me jump in circles Soft of me to say Even if my jump made the earth quake Homies will disapprove of me Love sounds like mumble Our hearts can only belong to our home, the jungle

46

II With you, I flew for love Your looks don’t matter to me For God’s sake Look at my wings! Only fragile and pretty I couldn’t see the day you’ll hurt me, my wings pure I couldn’t see the day you’ll hurt me, But you showed me I looked to my side my precious wing- Gone

I still had myself left Dark, upset I put myself under the sunlight Hope for a different life The sun came and burned me into a star I know forever that’ll mark your heart with a scar

47

Patient Silence Starlin Pimentel

Birds flying after the blessing The temporary privilege What caused it to be?

Was the mind going against her?

She holds her doubts in her head Temporary feeling She hides Set to believe freedom isn't free

Birds fly after the privilege But it’s temporary for us Like choosing a color Why green? Why not red?

Is it that happiness Isn't prosperous at all?

We ask ourselves why?

Never stopping to see What we hold The genuine feeling

The golden shine that Lights our world Although we may stumble We won’t stop being humble Even if life gets too hard We won’t stop reaching For the stars

Birds flying across the ocean With a glare of the eye of heaven Loving the genuine feeling But the hate seems more known It kills us while living 48

The suffrage of silence holds The birds hostage to reality

Can’t take love for granted No matter how much you look There’s no other like us Two love birds Our story is far from finished

49

Glass, Paper, Feelings Draven Rodriguez

Glass can be broken Into billions of pieces Paper can be crumbled To the tiniest ball, ripped And you will never how it was When you first started out with it

Feelings can be played with, Faked, and even get thrown around When you mess up you Always try to find anything and Any way to fix it No matter what you do or attempt to do Your mistake can never be fixed or reversed Only forgiven but never forgotten by choice

But those Those are only minor mistakes Feelings are something special, Someone's feelings Can be hurt only so much Every person has their breaking point When someone tells you You’re pushing me to the edge, Picture them walking Closer and closer Slowly towards the edge of a cliff You don’t realize what you’ve Done until they’re ready to jump They’re staring straight down, ready to go Not looking back You’re running to pull them away You’re one step away from grabbing them 51

But everything becomes slow in movement Time stops and all of a sudden you’re Too late Then you realize you’re there Watching them jump They never looked back at you

Paper can be crumbled up just like Feelings and tossed like a ball Your heart wants so much better but What can you do You’re trying so hard but achieve no success Paper can be cut and torn with scissors The scissors cut paper so clean So neat Straight cut like your heart broken into half You don’t know what to do

52

Living Life in Slow Motion Miguel Juarez

You may think This poem took a good amount of time, And it's true.

This poem tends to Move in Slow motion.

Slower than how Life tends to move.

Slower than seeing The sky go from Blue to black.

Looking at the clock As time passes by is stressful.

You tend to see each second Pass by until you See it speed up.

You feel yourself shaking While your heart is telling you to stop While your eyes don't know What to pay attention to.

You feel that everything Moves faster than how The clocks moves.

Crazy what time Does in just 24 hours.

It can make you feel alive.

The world is on your side, Time as your best friend.

But you can also feel Trapped, like waking up in the middle of the night Knowing you can only sleep for 30 seconds.

53

We all have a rival.

Am I the only one To see time as a rival?

And that's called being human.

We all tend to Fight back.

I fight time, by living my Life in slow motion.

54

Vanished Jacilia Quinones

I’m alone Like when baby birds learn to fly A whiff of drool dripping happiness And when they look back it's gone The world is paralyzing Filled with lost souls and desires No tour guide No instructions on how to survive But you have to keep going Avoiding every obstacle Like avoiding a branch Not sturdy enough to hold weight But all it does is lead you back to another And you think it couldn't possibly get any worse But it does, it always does

Everything you go through is on your own You fall?

You have to have strength to get back up If you don't, you’ll realize how difficult it is To stand on your own That's like living in the worlds’ deepest pit With no way out Feeling goose bumps Growing all over your body Unable to open your eyes Like you’ve been blindfolded

Bottled up emotions will eventually overflow Leaving you shattered like a broken mirror Except when you look You don't see the being in front You see the person you wish you were 56

And through the cracks I see the baby bird Looking back to see his family Supporting him Chirping cheers of joy from their loving nest But when he turns around In that quick moment, his happiness Vanished The un-sturdy branch got to him And that's when it hits you all at once Not one by one Every deep cut breath Breaking emotion Any circumstances That gave you everything but happiness Any regrets or mistakes That been thrown in your face Like a flying baseball bat And again it gets so hard to breath Like you've been drowning your whole life But you’re strong Strong enough to swim and gasp for air Every chance you get

But you don't realize you’re isolated That the world around you Would keep going While you drown But that's life, right?

You suffer Then you live So you lay there Listening to nothing But the sound of your own heartbeat And the screams Of your own tears Because you’re alone 57

And I'm alone

58

Sunset from All Angles Guillermo Ovalle

Emotions I despise them Don’t want anything to do with them You can have everything in the world And still be sad Feels bad One moment you love someone The next you’re heartbroken

Emotions You feel the bad ones Way more than the good ones You’re glad you’re alive Then one event Can change everything You want to go to sleep And never wake up We drown in tears and cries full of emotion

Sink like they’re carrying A thousand pounds on their back It’s frustrating and overwhelming Like trying to go against the current But you get pulled back Unwillingly We can’t control anything Not our feelings Not our life Not what we are taught Nothing

Conflicts and arguments rise From the depths of your heart 59

You want it to be over But your efforts are useless You need to rely on someone Share your pain Share your struggle Maybe then, your emotions Will calm down Feel some sense of relief And float Float like never before See the sunset from all angles See the moonrise from all angles

60

Why Do You Always Come Back Home?

Edwin Soto

My soul is hiding in what it thinks is The deepest part of me These thoughts have Managed to create promises Stronger than relationships Friendships And my father

They tell me You’re just like your mom In a cocoon You won't let yourself emerge People tell me everything Is going to be ok But my soul grows larger Because ​even God told me My mother was going to be A paragon for motherhood But she never really was People tell me you will always drown Because your father’s reflection Will always ripple through the ocean

Only with eyes like mine can you see my soul Trying to enter other people’s bodies Trying to see if they too know what pain is With eyes stitched closed to experience Cold sweats, body aches at the sight of Head nods turn to head shakes Feel disapproval dissipate

Drowning inside the little hope I have Left my hands trying to catch 61

The last bit of air My soul always came back home Because my body played tunes only it can hear

62

Solar Eclipse Joel Ramos

No matter how dark it is There can somehow be some light Your smile and personality is my light My darkness is my childhood Too much violence, making me angry, losing friends

You’re my sunshine I have bad days, But with you, I’ll grin And hide my pain You ask me “Are you good?”

I will always be When I’m with you You helped me when no one else did You took me shopping Waited outside our school When I needed someone to talk to You were always there

Your mom cooked for me Rice and beans and chicken Mmm… the smell want me want to eat it unfinished Your mom is my 2nd mom Treated me like a son Sent me out To buy milk and eggs As if I’m her son One day She drove us downtown Blasting “Lil Baby, My Dawg” She bought me the Black & Red 14’s Which added to my sneaker collection.

64

You will regret Not opening the door You saw me out There in the rain And you didn’t help

Listen I’m sorry, I told you I’d come back When really I got Caught up in the snow

65

Broken Crayons Leidy Cruz

Dear Creativity, To share walls and a roof with violence Seemed dangerous Even more when love Is a stubborn lock on the doors I remember our first date You painted me the most beautiful picture In the most vibrant colors, but years passed You revealed yourself Knocked me out My mind went blank My arms couldn't move I lost strength to grip a pencil I would believe that you left me paralyzed

You Con Artist, I despise you Creativity how can you sleep at night?

Knowing I can’t close my eyes in peace Knowing my happiness To turn feelings into verses effortlessly My words used to dance out of my mind Through my pen to my paper Like a graceful ballerina That has been practicing since she was five

You murderer

Killed the butterflies in my stomach Only chance of rising above I had left Killed the rainbow that lived inside of me I worked day and night To make a caterpillar blossom When you love a flower, you water it 66

Which is what I did with you But I’ve been in love long enough to know Reciprocated love isn’t always true Maybe that’s why I write about love Because it’s the only thing you’re good at Reminding me fairy tales all end

Writing about love is harder than seems I planned world-class schemes Turned into Spider-Man Without senses or webs Not powerless, I can still walk Sooner or later When my depression doesn’t have a voice It’ll be on you that I don’t talk.

Sincerely, The Part You Forgot To Destroy

67

Here, But Fading Leidy Marquez

Here, but fading My girlfriend reaches to grab me Runs miles and miles to grip me Squeezes my muscles so tight, I flex All this work to pull me close When I am there, she gets hurts more.

Her rose heart, blooming, Will grow thorns That dash in the air And catch me when I am there She can’t do it, but her heart could.

I stop fading for a good while When she least expects it, I grab her Pacify the depression Like a baby when it needs Not just milk But its’ mother.

Touch her skin Like the wind at night.

Explore her like a lost tourist In a foreign hotel Like the hot water that hugs her Every morning Every night I relax her Take her on a journey to heaven The heaven I live in.

She thinks it’s a dream So she grips my back so tight Her hands are marked on my back, 69

All 5 fingers, the rings she wears too.

This is the love She always fantasized about.

Type of love You never want to just throw in the trash And never think about it again.

Love you’ll conserve Even after it’s ended.

Unfortunately, I’m fading.

This love can’t live.

This love can’t dream, Seek for better or be better.

It’ll die, Be 7 feet underground.

Trying to live, It’ll run out of oxygen.

The love will die.

She’ll go right along.

Every hug I gave her Every kiss, Every little piece of care I can no longer give her.

She’ll be a ghost you can’t see The way you see me.

I’m stuck here, fading.

People walk by, stare at me.

Say hi, converse with me, But she won’t be one of my kind.

She’ll evaporate Like fog.

70

I survived because of my life experiences Stripped to the soul and Built back up

71

gardening Leah Pagan

i planted flowers in the ventricles of my heart so that when you left and i shattered the seeds bathed in sunlight and rainstorms and nature told me my heart was beautiful

72

Turn the Pages Jailin Maldonado

I am like a book One million pages Brown No order Like the wind Leaving nothing behind Closed, with a lock full of rust That once was silver Silent, waiting for someone to come

Once you open me You see my true colors Sometimes dark With gray colors Like an apocalyptic scream But instead it’s just me Yelling. Suffering Afraid to lose myself Frustration Fire so hot like lava Touching it would make you melt Sometimes light, bright Playing through a big garden with roses Yellow tall sunflowers Bigger than me, bigger than I ever dreamed of

You keep learning more things about me As you turn the page You discover My big red heart With my sweet blood running around it Full of things I can’t explain Like tape melting between my lips 74

As you look deeper You see my struggles Stories that tell my childhood I had everything I ever wanted Learning how to grow into an adult one day As I try to climb the rocky mountain Falling Hurt Those clear teardrops opening my eyes You by my side Caring, watching I don’t fall into the wrong light Like choosing between the Devil or God Or where people could use me Burn me Rip out my pages Like if I was trash

I still grow stronger

75

Coloring Book Alyssa Cordero

Reality is lost beyond our eyes Picture me as who I am Picture me with a heart That’s too big for my chest Every beat makes my body dance On command Picture me with boot marks All over my body Lifting weights even when the legs Can barely stand Picture me with determined strong eyes Even at the hardest times Eyes that have tears in them That drain its’ waterfalls and Only remains of drops are left With a smile of I can do this

Picture me as who you want to be Not to be filled with envy A blank canvas completely Filled in Doing what you want to do Making your dreams come true To show that if you set your mind to it There will be a reality to it

Picture me with every emotion lost Between the heart and mind’s war Fear of stepping on the road At the wrong time Where headlights turn your head And blind you 76

Pain for caring about the monster Hurting you Picture every feeling that You have, but conceal I’ll show for you But picture my happiness Under a dark cloud of Rain and lightning With a smile of I’ll get through this

77

Trapped In a Loop Jakob Rodriguez

Trying to hide from my old self Trying to find my new self Hunting a man who isn’t trying to be found Scared of being found and trapped in a loop

No one knows him With every jump, fear leaves With every jump, hope is gathered Every step is leading a new future Looking left reminds him of pain Jumping to new heights Like a freerunner away from home

Why does he feel guilty Even when he’s not in the wrong?

Why’s he freezing up when there's nothing to fear?

Trapped in his own mind Afraid of devolving Going back in time Irresponsible kid Running to try not to become the Out of control man he once was Afraid of being broken Hope for a bright future no matter what it takes

78

Hunted Guillermo Ovalle

The old me Is the hunter And the new me- The bait Ready to be attacked At any given moment I can’t set myself free Old me got a good grip Holding me tight Squeezing me at my ribs It’s hard to breathe It hurts Throughout my entire body The old me doesn’t want to be lost It wants to stay be the one to make the choices The one to decide Life and death Who to love, who to hate Everything

The new me Lacks experience But dominates in focus Determined to be free The new me Plans it’s every move Plays along When I’m about to get caught I jump Hoping the prey Breaks that grip That harmful forsaken grip All of my devastating thoughts 80

And hopeful feelings Cross my mind In an effort to make me realize I run Watching in the distance Instead of coming closer Everything goes away

81

State Of Mind Till the End of The Light Diego Romero

Waiting for my chances like a bus passing by Without stopping, right?

No mercy No rethinking twice, Go ahead Feed my unpleasant mind.

Thoughts on a guide Named “​ How to Survive In an Unsatisfied Life​” Fight passed the day that I’m destined to die.

You hate, but can’t relate until you have tried To sit and ride my roller coaster mind.

But if only you knew my depressed state of mind Carries itself within its own set of guidelines And so it will only be defined By what I deeply feel inside.

These twisted lonely nights, Until dopamine is released I feel satisfied.

Defining life itself Passively Before my soul declines, Help me!

Don’t help me, You’re just wasting my time.

Although there have been fewer times I wanted to quit and not retry Again and again till I regain what’s mine.

And so If I fall to fly, Again and again, Without attempting suicide, 82

I won’t stop so that some days I regrettably do say I could’ve tried But didn’t bother to fight Just know I won’t question my process Until I see the end of the light.

83

Abandoned Agony Kathleen Elena Bernardez

Yellow the color of lonely Dark red is the color of abandoned When you are unhappy like the agony the pain I felt when my father abandoned me I didn’t know the man was my very own father

When were you going to remember that you have 12 year old daughter in your life?

How can you not know that you have a daughter?

Why didn’t you stop her from running away?

Why are you yelling at your 12 year old daughter?

Now she is frightened to go back home

No place to go, it was raining hard and freezing Her Dad screamed so loud She left her thoughts and feeling behind at home On the table next to her dad’s drink So she went back She saw her dad sleeping, he looked different Like he had a little heart She snuck to get her thoughts and feelings back She noticed the necklace That belonged to her mother The key opened up her feelings And let them out The way the key unlocked the journal and herself

Raindrops of tears fell from her eye And lead her down a path To her cheek and chin, to her neck and to her heart Which took her back to her deep soul To her memories, playing dress up with her mom And Mom and Dad going to her baseball game 85

Buying their daughter a puppy for her 12 birthday Raindrops of tears fell from her eye And lead her down a path To her cheek and chin, to her neck and to her heart

The door closed behind her Her father woke up as he heard the door slam So he put on his slippers and Followed the footprint of her tears That led him to the jungle He saw bare trees, still, no wind Abandoned island deep in the jungle A strange, weird looking animal with five big eyes Looked through his heart Life lost He lost his job. He lost his child He lost his faith when he lost everything in his life He wondered if God could give him One more chance to change himself Before he lost his daughter

86

Secrets Emily Belen

Burying a box all alone A box that holds many secrets All the papers All the truths he put in there many years ago Before she was even born

A box that a lonely man wanted to bury So no one could know the truth The truth that could ruin his daughter’s life Trying to tell her he’s not her biological father

It’s raining now and the soil is getting all wet And moldy The box is clear as day now Maybe the rain was a sign from God He wants his daughter To find the truth And then maybe he could finally look at her As a daughter, love her as a daughter Finally be the father he wants to be

God is giving you a sign to come out He’s given you enough time He’s getting impatient And you’re getting anxious

87

Yesterday’s Escape Dijour Whaley

Escaping my old life, To start my new future.

I have to walk through the storm To see the brighter picture.

Hair down.

Head high.

I break through the sorrow of yesterday, And push through the present day.

Tomorrow is what I’m searching for.

Finding tomorrow and Starting a fresh chapter.

Finding myself before I was taken by that old raptor.

Had me in his nest Surrounded by its offspring.

They all tried to kill me.

They tried to eat Me alive.

But, there was a hole in his nest.

So I jumped through.

Now I’m on the move.

On my way to find you.

Tomorrow.

88

Dimension of Repair Yasmine Johnson

Ticking clock, Time running out Testing him, “What’s my favorite color?”

He says “Red” She says, “No, it’s purple”

Shouldn’t he know?

More questions escape her mouth Like a moving cheetah Traveling towards the beat that was expecting her

He says The wrong answers Red flames flare up Inside her The darkness creeping Slowly bothered by those answers Answers He should have known And planted In his buried brain

Right answers Hang on an old rusted post Waiting to be collected The sounds of drums Leave Anticipation As She waits For half of her DNA 90

To notice

She demanded the correct answers She thought he would know About her favorite activities The desire of painting A story with neutral colors Swimming that leaves The consistent pattern of splashing Favorite music, her love of ballads That sound like a sweet melody Or even the sound of pop music That leaves cheerful emotions He says “I don’t know”

Chains hold her from exploding What adult figure doesn’t know these facts Their relationship crumpled like A balled up paper It springs off The train tracks Crashes in the wet dimension Of repair

91

I survived because I pushed through the burning fire.

Draven Rodriguez

I survived because I pushed through the burning fire.

Draven Rodriguez

93

Unforgiving Darkness Guillermo Ovalle

Life Really is annoying Work hard for what?

More stress More work More pain It’s a cycle I fall in love Once in a blue moon But the person That I love Can’t say the same

Solve one problem Just to get Involved in another Your life goes on And in your last moments You start to scream Scream in agony

I go deep into My head Trying to figure A way out Trying to block Away all the Dark days And rusty nights

The pain It feels like Nails getting hammered 94

Into water With nothing solid To hold on to Sinking into the Deep vast Unforgiving darkness Holding your breath Waiting for something to happen Then I realize I’m being let down Once again I’ll make sure to add that To the list

Stripped to the soul Beaten down Lost hope Bound to chains Hitting each other in eternal struggle

95

Blade Tears Leidy Marquez

Salt water hugs my body Like the tears I cry every night Grip my face.

Depression, the tears Leave wounds that’ll stay open With no cure.

Making it hard To even smile.

I wake up brand new Every morning Fresh out of the Barbie box Just to let depression Murder me.

Therapist I’ve never met Keeps repeating to me “Come let’s talk” And I yell “NO!” so hard They stop bothering me.

If my tears grip my face With their fingers pushing my face fat Far back near my ears- Imagine how harsh Depression has caught me For the 100th time

Captured me like it snatched me The very first time, but 100 times worse.

Every single time it catches me Here I am trying A new way to hurt myself.

More intense than the 99th time.

Way more intense Than the first time.

97

A disease I’m trapped with In my tomb That I can’t get myself out of Unless they dig in my grave.

But they’d rather piss on it Rot the soil that they made For my depression and I. Killing the flowers That they left when they buried me.

The roses that were bright red, Now only the stems Left all black Broken into pieces Cry so hard I make an ocean I can easily jump into Rocks surrounding the water Scrape my back Opening more wounds Drilling into my back.

Breaking my bones one by one Get to the water Slice myself with my blade tears Into chunks of depression Just like the broken stem Left in my grave.

98

Past Makayla “Layla” Aviles

Why do I feel like this?

Feeling like I’m lying in dirt, so filthy Why did you make me feel something so horrible?

Something no child should go through Can’t you see the dark evil that you have done Leaving me living with no air Feeling like a dead girl walking Got me walking around with Life- threatening scars & wounds

Your actions should have never You’ve turned into my horrifying monster Seeing you in my nightmare, doing your crime Hurting me, hurting my soul Dismembering my body

You made me so numb to pain Nothing else can hurt me like this It’s like I have PTSD I just can’t forget it A scar with eternal life Will I ever move on from this?

You’re a ghost & you still have a hold on me Can’t you let me go?

Give me the peace The peace I am going to war for When will the pain stop?

99

Can’t Handle the Truth Emily Belen

I am the moon.

The one that shines at night.

The one I look at When I need peace.

The one people look at When they’re thinking.

The white glossy shine- That’s me.

I am the broken glass.

The one that you broke.

You took me, And threw me.

And also shattered me Out of anger because you Couldn't handle the truth.

I Me Myself Had to pick up the pieces And glue them back together Like a puzzle.

I am beautiful in the making The long green stem Never ending, Only growing.

Blue, defining me as the sky.

You have two perspectives.

You see white and blue, But you know it's actually white.

You see me as a shy quiet person, 101

But I can also be loud.

Pink, Learning to love myself.

I am transforming.

I am beautiful in the making.

102

A Way Out Junior Capellan

I am looking for A way out But I need luz To lead the way

There is an end to everything So make the most out of it Losing the new thing that God had for you But never got to it

If you don't work your way out You will not know What to look for You will not lead the way in life.

103

Beautiful Game Miguel Juarez

When the cleats come into play.

They know we have to Give it our best.

Every game is a new challenge.

Getting stepped on, Getting fouled.

Sometimes, you just want to kick somebody Cleats first.

But our challenge isn’t the other team, It’s the game.

When we walk onto the field, You feel the pressure Before the game even starts.

When the other team walks in You feel those dirty hits Without the whistle even blowing.

Feels great to score goals.

Letting pressure aside and only focusing on The people with smiles on their faces.

When I was little, I always felt pressure Before anything happened.

But knowing that I could create smiles With the least possible thing I started making goals to then create smiles.

Creating smiles was my biggest accomplishment.

105

To All The Mothers Draven Rodriguez

Mothers, you carry us for a whole 9 months Struggling with pain Physically, emotionally, mentally Contractions You tell us your back hurts You’re stressed You’re tired But you make it work and push You say, “It’s okay, don’t over think anything.”

But we don’t want to put you down So we have to worry Sometimes scared to lose you

We want to make your dreams come true Go to college and have an amazing job Get up every day, happy with no worries Just to make you proud We push through the burning fire Feeling close to one thousand degrees But we push because of all you have done We want to show how much we love you

We know the pain you’ve been through in labor Now it’s our turn to feel it, to go through it all for you Just like you went through it for us

106

My Eyes See Junior Capellan

My eyes see so many people die But still have some hope in my eyes That will give life.

My eyes see so many kids without a mom But had hope in their eyes To have someone to call mom And tell her how much he loves her.

My eyes see moms crying blood for Their kids that were killed by their amigos Moms had hope that their amigos will pay For what they made her lose.

My eyes see kids calling their moms’ name When they were being killed by the NYPD. Moms ask “WHY? Kids that are 15 & 16 being killed?

Is it because we don’t have money?

Or because they believe that If you are black, you kill people?”

But one day we will stop being killed By amigos and the NYPD. One day we will not be seen As the people that are killers.

107

Dónde Estás?

Leidy Marquez

Madrina Dónde Estás?

I miss you Holding my 2 month old body With soft pillow like hands I never felt anywhere else I miss growing out of your small hands Miss you saying, “Wow, you’re so big!”

With so much joy Yet so much sadness That you’ll never be able to Cherish my body all at once The way you did when I was A baby.

I love you Please stay in heaven, forever Please let me get lost to find you.

I’m lost but you guide me You’re the stars I look at Every night You’re the moon I admire While my eyes glisten.

I love nights when the full moon Is out.

I know it’s your ghost Following me Illuminating the paths for me Like a car at night.

If one day I see a shooting star I’ll know you’re proud of me.

109

Unfortunate that I can’t see your breathtaking Smile for a while.

Life’s depriving me From your beauty.

I’m aware no other beauty Will ever outweigh yours.

For now, I’ll just hug a space of air That sculpts your body the way it was.

Your flat stomach, every single curve Still there.

Nothing missing.

When I walk across that stage, June 2019, I’ll save an empty seat With your invitation on it So you can smile, cry Scream, clap Be proud of me As much as you want to.

Then when I’m alone I’ll know you’re proud of me Sitting on my bed Crying for you I’ll see the moon Shining down at me.

110

Unconditional Love Starlin Pimentel

Oh Grandpa, Grandma I wish to see The beautiful presence From the both of you You both sure bring me a big smile Even if you’re away for many miles

Money won't numb the pain I was filled with regrets After seeing the coffins Money won't buy a ticket To advance towards The Great Unknown I hope you’re watching As I write this After all, I’ll be here As your crowd

Please forgive me If I ever complain I wouldn’t have felt the same If your alluring existence Were to be here

111

Rolling Dice Alyssa Cordero

The me I wish to be A glimpse into my future The power to go into the past A life with money A life with only love Or the me that I am now But every time the dice rolls I’m afraid of its landing The anticipation of Waiting to see what’s next After my life is shaken up

Afraid to see my life in a different light Afraid to see what my future will be like And live in a life of fear and caution Trying to make that glimpse, reality And only doing the opposite

Afraid that going into the past Can make my present worse Like a domino effect It only takes one to make everything else crumble

Afraid to be in a life with love That can blindside me Too focused trying to make Someone else happy And forget about myself It can be something that makes me improve Or the thing that breaks me down Into pieces, glass shards That stab deep when You feel it mentally 113

Afraid to be used in a life With money Never knowing the true colors of people When they only see the green in me While I see a heart filled with love to give In a lost and found box That no one wants to take claim of

But the scariest of all Is being the me I want to be We fantasize about what life we want But once we get it, we want to go back It’s like a reflection of myself That wouldn’t follow my every move

“Be careful for what you wish for” They say So I don’t wish at all But the way I am now Doesn’t have the glory I desire The happiness I seek The joy I wish to feel and create But there’s a price to everything It’s like I’m gambling with myself Rolling a dice Trying to win Betting on myself Losing it on every turn Rolling a dice trying to win A prize That I don’t know If I want

114

The Game Called Life Miguel Juarez

Sadly, Life is like a video game.

We always try to accomplish something, But then there are obstacles in the way.

Like Mario trying to save Princess Peach, But we always tend to show up In the wrong castle.

There’s always a toad Telling us we’re in the Wrong castle or that She has been kidnapped again.

Typical.

The only difference here, Is that life counts.

The reset button, the “Game Over” That was all in the fantasy world.

There is no green 1up mushroom.

We don’t have flags in our lives.

Everything we have are checkpoints We can remember But may never go back to.

Many people have different challenges.

Some people have Depression to win against, Others have the challenge Of having people who are fighting On their side Like a war meant for you But all you're doing Is sitting down Like if the world is rainbows and flowers.

115

The thing we all have in common Is the fight we take at the end The Main Boss Death That’s a fight we are willing to take, Even if it means that we Lose at the end.

But only because our game Will end, Is that a reason to not Play?

116

Start of a Clock Yasmine Johnson

Waiting for the company of energetic friends Waiting for the new job interview Waiting for the next new child Waiting for…

Sitting back and watching The tick of Someone's Life fade away

Life begins at The start of a clock The clock That sits silently As we wait

The clock The important clock Opening doors for the Time of the future But leaving The time of the past Behind

Leaving behind all the old years Of a child's birthday party A middle schoolers Insane transition From elementary school Now in a different setting A high schoolers Stress and struggle Preparing for college And the future 118

An adult Falling in love And living a life of success

The clock never gets old But stalks our ages As time goes on The doors To new opportunities Open And the sound of the tick Blasts through your ears Telling you Time is running Out

119

Searching Alyssa Cordero

People say we stood for time Not quality But the years we had felt like The best rollercoaster ride Of my life Sitting down at home Watching the movie play Thinking ours would never end Play fights turn into real ones Because I hated the feeling Of drowning in air, not being Able to breathe.

The arguments we had But could never stay mad Just looking at one another Calms the heat through my body The comedy shows we held Just for the two of us Felt like an escape room From the sadness

Lately the door has shut And I had to use my love to pick the lock The jokes you tell, why do you pick on me?

Why do you push my head under the water And get mad at me for drowning?

Why do you push away the extinguisher When I try to put out the fire you started?

You would always clear up The rain in my sky The laugh and smile you had 121

Was a contagious disease The getaway car from all my pain The halls for my mind When it hurt to speak You were the rainbow I searched for in a storm

I still search for you Even though you are now The storm creator The halls I became allergic to Tasting like toxic waste The car that broke down And left me walking alone To find my own way home The sweet smile and laugh Was mischievous The sky was no longer clear I still search for you The you that I remember.

122

Unceasing Venomous Snakes A poem meets a story and back again Yasmine Johnson

I was lost My real self Trapped somewhere In my brain, buried So I can live a better life

The TV screen sat on the rusty stand, slowly turned on a random show. There Sarah sat with her family watching the show without thinking of what would happen next.

Minutes later, her father stood and disappears. Leaning closer, the simple words flew from her mother’s lips, “He’s gonna release his anger again.”

Tears fall in a second and her heart starts beating- Please, not again.

“Don’t scream,” her mother mouthed to her. Sarah wished that courage would build up in her mother to end this.

Again and again, Sarah felt betrayed.

I wasn’t lost to Myself My fake self That covered up The intense Scars left to burn me

I didn’t know About my lost self That my family The family I was living with Wasn’t my Family before

123

November 10, 2018 They told us her story and at that current moment, I knew she would be a wonderful part of our family. The overwhelming experience. No love. No care. Hateful acts of pushing the daring heart to dissolve. It’s been a month since the adoption and still Sarah fights with her rejected self. Discouraged, insecure, hurt self that replayed the memories of the venomous snakes, attacking her until her skin lost hope and no longer was refreshed. So we took this risk, ready to leave her past behind. But will it be worth it? Thank God he put aside his main work finding a cure for cancer and read our pleading call to help remove the venomous snakes that were wrapped around Sarah since birth. He let us know that he was consumed by the story of a long gone nightmare. A nightmare that he knew too well; it dried out his strong flowing blood years before.

My new family paid a scientist to expel The depression Pain Heartache from my old life

He agreed and dug into my brain Like a dog Digs into the ground to get the buried bone

My true self was buried under all The brain material The gray matter The white matter The counted neutrons of 100 billion It was locked away

The disappearance of the true sarah Was unknown, lost in the shadows The replacement was clear 124

It was just like seeing An introvert become a extrovert In a matter of seconds

I was reborn The Sarah that Was exploding sadness No longer a suffering fish out of the cold ocean

I was Dylan An energetic monkey That moved with ease And showered everyone With kisses, humor, joy I was a brand new gift that Wasn’t opened Early

January 9, 2019 Honesty. The act of being truthful, not keeping deep secrets that could affect the life of another. But we, the adults take advantage of the given power over one. Us, the adults, let Dylan play a character whose happiness isn’t real and will fade, once the clock runs out.

Days, weeks, months walk by They always watch me Like hungry hawks expecting me to explode Expecting me to change But for what?

I express Myself with spirit Always But my spirit 125

Has been draining slowly And filling up with ingredients Of questions What will it make In the end?

They always ask how I’m feeling “Does your head hurt, Dylan?”

“Do you feel sick?”

No, I don’t feel sick or have Depressing headaches No, I don’t feel Distant, irritated, lonely

All I feel is confused Confused why my heart beats A rapid pace and tears escape my eyes When watching TV with everyone Confused why I have dreams That end right before The action

Confused why I have multiple Marks on my skin That won’t go away Confused why I Feel closer to my mother Than my father Confused why My neighbors Look at me with pity

Confusion is what I Feel Not pain, confusion ruins my health

126

Depression Makayla “Layla” Aviles

Ugly hands Hard life

No escape No voice No movement

Fear is key No way out Let’s be free

128

Sunflower Lourdes Lluisupa

A beautiful flower blooms on a spring day, And shines like the sunlight giving me joy.

We bloom when we’re happy, When we are with someone special.

But we close when we’re angry, Sad or struggling with a situation.

A shining, strong flower, it might be seen as so weak Yet so powerful.

But a flower doesn’t always close, It stills shines bright even through dark times.

We’re like the stem of a flower, strong Through tough times and good times But weak, like petals we fall but grow again.

Become wiser and stronger Like the roots that hold us all together.

Put everything in place and brings us happiness again.

We go back up. We rise again.

We leave our past, our worries all in the dust and In the petals that fell and tore us apart.

We are like the flower, gorgeous, special, beautiful.

We all carry a flower deep inside our hearts that Bursts into laughter and happiness.

But a flower must also re-grow to become better.

To shine its way through the darkness and Overcome its deepest fears to bloom again, A flower will die Eventually make its way back to where it was.

Nothing can tear that flower down.

129

Armistice Leidy Cruz

I looked into your dark deep eyes Hoping two black holes would collide and Pull me closer to your soul Where did your heart go?

I must have been a guard In a museum of precious intentions Turned into a thief I must have stolen it with no precaution Touched by me and your heart hardened Touched your heart Turned cold, I ignited a bewildered soul As I looked down I saw my own lies and betrayal Did my lies teach you not to trust violet red lips?

Was your betrayal a protest?

A march for revenge?

Or to never come back?

An innocuous organ cannot see a stab in the back

You asked Why did I like you before you turned Into the person you are today Maybe your smile was the sunlight of my rainy day Maybe the three birthmarks by your lips Told me that my birth was engraved in your path Before I was born It was written and the same page was made to be torn

I pushed you away like a door you’re supposed to pull You never moved away I remember you declared to the world I belonged to you Even when you were shy I remember you yelling across the avenue “Hi” 130

I remember who you were before you were molded Sold your heart and soul To be admired by society I just wanted to come into your heart, not for me But to keep you from turning cold For loud crowds who will perish when you fall For green ego filling icing For birds after your bread Their attention is conditional

Beloved, my love for you is perpetual , even pure I congratulate you- you became a master at Seducing passionless cures I looked at a battlefield, our future Hoping I see victory in love A base never perfect Yet if war meant to be by your side For sure it was worth it

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Can’t You See Me Makayla “Layla” Aviles

You can see what you want But you don't see me Sitting here wishing that you see me Wishing that you were my prince Wishing that we were the center of the world But will you ever, have you ever seen me?

Sitting here with my magic portal Words coming to life Story of love Let's be a fairy tale Why can’t you see me the way he sees her?

Like she’s the only one he sees Like you wouldn’t know what to do without me Can’t you be my prince, like in my other world?

Can’t we be a story?

Why can’t you give me a happy ending?

Where birds tweet songs, clouds shaped like hearts Teacups being my bestie You, trying to make me your princess Why can’t this be my reality?

Why must you always look through me like glass?

Wish I could shatter this glass you see So I wouldn't be invisible

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I survived because

When the buildings were Crumbling down I was strong enough to crawl out

Jacilia Quinones

I survived because When the buildings were Crumbling down I was strong enough to crawl out Jacilia Quinones

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Broken Miguel Juarez

I survived All my defeats From grades bound To leave me out of schools.

To getting broken bones That broke me inside out, Broken to the point where I would never be fixed.

When I fell, I knew the only thing greater and More powerful than my fall, Was the way I rose again.

Like a flower rising With every drop of water It receives.

I survived Because my battle scars Showed me that life Was another challenge Bound to make me Bleed.

Life taught me that The choices I made were either my Bullet-proof-vest or A bullet coming towards my head Where all my memories lay and sleep.

I survived Because the people who shielded me Were the people Who taught me Nothing lasts Forever.

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Because life taught me That it will bring you down, It will hit you hard, But my decisions are the only thing to Keep me moving forward.

I survived All my critics Eating me alive Like a demon Eating an angel.

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War Between My Attempting Joy and Confusion Jailin Maldonado

Dear Brain, Sorry for overloading you with Thoughts of his loveable voice I can’t help it They enter my head Like pennies enter an appealing piggy bank Like rocks bouncing on the water, dripping sounds

Dear Stomach, Sorry for the tension inside me I can’t help it Tickling like a feather running down your arm

Dear Eyes, Sorry for the millions of tears I can’t help it I close my eyes Fighting them Like a war inside my eyelids Rolling down my cheeks I failed my task

Dear Ears, Sorry for wanting to hear his name I can’t help repeating it again and again Whispering it frequently, a never ending road

Dear Heart, Sorry for making you beat out of my chest I can’t help it Like muted drum sounds, holding them inside

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Dear Arms, Sorry for moving closer to him I can’t help wrapping my arms around him A big warm hug Surrounding the earth

Dear Me, Sorry for not controlling myself I can’t help it My emotions rise up to my brain Like going up a roller coaster Heart bumps going up like if it was Slicing my skin Trying to come out Flying down

Dear Everything, I’m sorry I can’t help it

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Regret with Thought Diego Romero

I am sorry If I took things the wrong way But if I didn’t, I can imagine what face you’ll give me every day You say you’re happy, But it was obvious right away Why I put up with the pain?

Sadly, this isn’t the same What a shame Such a screw up If the love wasn’t enough The thoughts Dreams and hopes of improvement Blinded us I don’t do drugs This one was one I craved But didn’t get enough of These thoughts of you Get worse every single night But why do I complain If you seem to fall on the sideline?

So I’m thankful but ungrateful That you are, but aren’t mine Or how often would I get replaced, If no kid is even close To reaching the level to my waist Not cocky just feel it’s out of line To let another kid think He has a shot at what’s mine Losing you might or might not Send chills down my spine 141

But there’s nothing I can do If you’re already part of my life’s timeline

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Treasure Jailin Maldonado

I am offering my love to you* Please keep it alive Not dead, throwing it under the soil After you dig enough Finding the old trash Long pink worms Rusty old gray human bones

I have nothing else To keep you safe Just my love Like in a cave Hiding from the predators From the darkness That needs the light Like being a pirate With a dusty huge ship Like having a candle When there’s no power Inside your room With the monsters Under your bed, those voices Inside your head

That’s all you would have Worth more than gold Worth more than money Worth more than a mansion Keep it in clear glass bottle With a spongy top That has hardened Flying through the sky On the back of a bird 143

Wrapped around Protecting it from falling

Keep it Treasure it As if the sun was being blocked By a big purple octopus With big royal purple eyes Trying to grab it So hold it tight

It’s all I have to give It’s all you’ll ever get That‘s all you’ll ever need Love it Keep it Don’t let it get hurt Care for it

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*Jimmy Santiago Baca

In Your Arms Dijour Whaley

Standing here With your arms Wrapped around my Hershey brown heart.

Feeling the warmth Of your breath On the top of My shoulders.

With my hands Stretched across The back of your Neck, I wonder, What’s racing through Your mind when You touch me?

I can’t believe That I cried here, Laughed here, And when I’m mad I know that you’ll Be right here.

To hold me, And show me That everything Is going to be Alright.

I fell in love Here, Right here, With my head On your chest 145

Listening to your Heartbeat as My favorite song.

I don’t ever Want to pull away, It’s the only place That I feel Safe.

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Is It True?

Jacilia Quinones

Do you know the storms I scoured to get here?

Happiness is what they call it At least the victims who survived I don’t know If waiting for the storm to return Is happiness There's no rainbows No sun shines Like I assumed Am I picturing it wrong?

Did you reach happiness?

You tell me that You love me Is it true?

Eventually they all leave Even the ones Who love you Will you be different?

Will you be next to me, Comforting me When I can barely speak?

I'm not always like this I never talk about my thoughts I don’t question certain things I allow them to pile up Like snowflakes In a snow squall Gusty winds Whiting out reality

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I will always be around When the storm comes Trust and believe You can lean on me You tell me You love me Is it true?

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Forgotten For Better or Worse Diego Romero

Tell me how I feel. I walk alone.

Every step I step on Doesn’t seem to be in my zone, I just cannot and will not control My thoughts that overflow, but won’t be shown, Until I willingly over grow.

Little by little, My pain multiplies as it comes and goes.

I say I’m not gonna quit at the tip of my toes.

First motive, It’s on top of my goals Till life knocks me down and I hit the floor.

But I'll be back, Sooner or later, Stronger than ever, And won’t give in Anymore.

The rats that don’t fall in their traps, But this time they will fall while refusing to adapt.

Present themselves like Unappealing shows, These disappointing wannabes Keep me motivated, I suppose.

No bias, not hating When they’re the only ones that can be relating I rather just not say it, Cause your story is your story, So who am I to degrade it?

Just expected a slightly lot more, So let the chosen one Handle what you mistakenly think is yours.

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Unless you are raining cold hard cash They won’t follow you to shore.

But I’m the unreleased best Behind these locked doors, Like I’m destined to be the almighty lord Blessing all the priests, pope, cardinals and pastors.

Along my right of Freedom of religion, is my right escort.

Remember kids, I won’t be available again in these stores, Exclusive to ladies with the Gucci bags, Louis belts Wrapped around Michael Kors.

Understand me while you still can, Since I’m speaking like never before, So I squeezed my cells into images only I can portray, Although you can sort of tell My thoughts are being spilled over From their own wishing well, But who else can tell The greatest moment in history is finally writing itself?

You see, it’s time for me to inhale/exhale While you break out your egg shell Hope for the best so things turn out too well

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Love Is Just a Word Matthew Mendez

They say that a the flap of butterfly’s wings Can cause a hurricane on the other side of the world You might think it’s funny that something so small Can do something so big Well it’s not One small question changed my life It turned my life upside down But it didn’t flip my frown along with it My life is like a domino effect And that question turned something awesome Into something horrible and sad I was never afraid of rejection until it happened Until it started with One question That question brought only pain and Suffering into my life Pain and suffering that I’ve never felt before Something that I thought couldn’t happen to me But it did With the help of one question

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truth or truth Leah Pagan

he asks me.

what are the top three things you love about her?

at first i think the question is ludicrous, abysmal, really i can’t confine her everything into three little things but i try anyway, for the sake of the game

i turn my attention from him to her i find her almost immediately the room is full of her, as it often is i catch her eye we smile at each other

well​, i start. t​ he way we carry on conversation. we speak for hours upon hours. i can never get bored of her. the way she smiles. it’s like the sun and the moon and all the stars grow jealous at once. that smile could, quite literally, end wars and cure cancer. it could light this damn city for days. and she makes​—​ i break off, laughing.

what?​ he asks, urging me on.

she makes these god-awful jokes​, i continue. a ​ nd she’s so proud of them, and it’s so endearing. it never fails to make me laugh.

i look at him. w ​ as that three?

he smiles. y ​ eah​, he says. t​ hat was three​.

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Love Flew Jailin Maldonado

You know my love is rare Like a bird levitating into the sky, moving further, Traveling with the invisible wind You can’t get it back When it’s gone with me

Swinging up into those white cotton candy skies You try to reach But the cold air is pulling you down each time Like rope wrapping around your ankles Not wanting you to move up Like a snake tightens a rats neck Trying to fail you, no support Leaving you alone in the bright sky Feels like cold darkness Chills running down your back Like a brick stone cold wall You can’t pass through Blocking your way like traffic

You know my love is uncommon Not everyone can find love Doesn’t happen everyday Only once in a lifetime Having that romance in your eyes It disappears When you break it into pieces like glass

You know my love is warm, caring Wanting to have it forever Infinity The path you pick doesn’t end up going your way That bumpy road going around in circles 155

Like if you were starting all over, the bad way

Going to the other side Don’t want to get hurt Wishing it would go your way A straight line full of pink and yellow flowers The sun smiling on my face Making the difference Finding the joy Laughter There’s no more pain

My eyes caught you Hearing your heavy footsteps flying past me Eye contact Wishing that special love that was there Never disappeared Like that warm summer Everyone enjoys Before winter comes And there’s silence outside

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The Truth Draven Rodriguez

You knew exactly what you had You just thought You’d never lose it

Every day goes by And you look back at the Relationship you had with that One special person You lost the only good thing you Had and have no idea on where To go from there Every hour goes by and you wonder Every minute goes by and you think Every second goes by and you imagine Why was I so dumb and reckless To this one special thing I had?

I try and try telling you I’ve changed How much I love you and what I saw for us But you turn away in frustration Not wanting to hear another word out of me

Suddenly I’m stuck Stuck trying to think whether or not to give up I sit and think until my mind goes blank Truth is you knew all along what you had You just thought you’d never lose it

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No Closure Diego Romero

The thought of you Just brings me pain But it's fading little by little Like drizzling rain Hope you understand I'll never forget you or your name, Feeling nothing in particular Just numb and insane Cause the thought of you Just doesn’t go away

Not the same as I felt before, But I evenly cannot complain Cause thanks to you, We came a long way Every time I see you I don’t know how to react or what to say If only you can help me out By saying you don’t love me, I’ll be okay.

I hope there’s a better tomorrow Which is today Cause hours pass quickly in a day, But don’t slow down like our rain, My life turned into a toxic but addicting love song, Similar to Romeo and Juliet’s play But why is it That I easily gave my heart and soul away?

And in return, I have no closure So all this pain/hate is pure torture There’s nothing I can do anymore to get things in The right order, 159

I’ll go downhill saying I tried Cause if I didn’t, my own mind will ask me why Love is capable of my own demise So this poem shouldn’t be seen By anyone else’s eyes, I shouldn’t feel what I feel, otherwise The view of my love life switches sides And my view of you isn’t the same anymore But I still thank you And tell you that I’m truly grateful And somehow still say I will survive With my twisted state of mind I'm a hypocrite that wouldn’t mind If I lied to myself Just to let me think and feel That I’m alright Within my mental health Instead of bringing in more pleasure I gain endless pressure

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My Sweetness Breaks Jailin Maldonado

The more I cry The less pain I carry The more I see The less sensitive I become Between you and My emotions Telling me to stay I just want to go

The more I speak The less sweetness Breaks The other side of me Pushing out my skin Starting from my mouth Taking over my body like I was a zombie

The less you hold on The more I’ll let go Leaving your hand Following the wind To see where it takes me A better future I guess

The more I laugh The less sadness In my eyes The less you enter my head Like a virus Removing it Letting it rest in peace

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The more you break The less I can fix Destroyed like a tsunami Washing everything away

The more you fly The less I’ll be there Watching you move on Standing at the corner of the sidewalk Not a goodbye. Nothing Having chains around me Quiet

The less I reach The more you fall It’s my turn I’ll show you pain You want a beginning But without me I already started mine

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Knife-Edged Heart Starlin Pimentel

I am helpful, I am destruction But I can't be both I don't want to be both

Seems like I don't care When I do care I'm not the best My emotions seem like metal Numbed out to the warm feeling Like a heart inside a glacier A very rare feeling My eyes may not tear My heart does cry a lot

I want your love To be my illusion In a blazing desert The cup to hold water A one out of a million blessing

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Confessions Moe Sanders

Confession #1 I have this habit of giving people the gun And when they shoot me I wipe the gun powder residue on My hands So technically It isn’t their fault, Right?

Confession #2 I have this habit of rebuilding Bridges I set aflame Because I feel guilty About the person On the other side Is that where they belong?

Confession #3 I have a habit Of calling the calvary On myself When I’ve been beaten To the ground With boots Where the soles Have love letters in them And the laces are tied together With promises

Confession #4 I have a habit of Calling the calvary 165

On the people who have constricted my Airway with promises And choked me with love letters But always left me with The breath of contentment When I’ve beaten them down To the ground With insecurity That’s my fault too?

Right?

Confession #5 I have a habit Of putting the boy that burned me With loving fire Over the boy Who would never let me Feel the heat

Confession #6 Sometimes my words Do not match my actions I apologize for that

Confession #7 I enjoy The adrenaline That seeps through My veins During stepping stones That may leave my bloodstream Thirsty

Confession #8 The idea of actions And adventures forbidden does something To my teenage soul that I have no words for 166

Confession #9 Mother, I stopped living for you Living for me Doing what makes me The happiest

Confession #10 I still owe you everything

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Thought I Was In Love Again Dijour Whaley

Dear Me, The last time we spoke You were just meeting Your “soul mate.”

Now here we are Again, Heart pumping pain And your mind running Circles.

Listen, I have to Tell you something, I don’t want you To look at me Differently.

I love you but, I’m not sure if It’s the same feeling As before.

I’m tired of telling you To stop playing with your Heart and taking him back.

Now look at this mess, It’s broken into Pieces again and This time the ring On his finger didn’t miss Your eye, Your chin, Your shoulder, And your nose, Blue, black, purple And gold all 169

Over your body.

Gushing blood, And missing school.

I had better plans for You. Told you too many times To get rid of this Fool.

Homework assignments Turned into late night Conversations on the phone, Going to school turned into Being at his house All morning.

I thought we were a Team, You and I, So why do I have to Talk to you like This on New Years Eve. I can’t take This anymore, All the pain that you feel, I feel ten times more.

Wipe your eyes And build a dam on That river of tears.

We’ve been here before, Feeling an inexplicable Pain but, This is just another lesson To be learned.

Now let's end this chapter And close the door.

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Hopeful Moments Starlin Pimentel

I envision a bright future In front of me Change the bad route But life takes unexpected turns Just like sunny days Turn into puddles of rain Inferior days turn into Amusement, having Mother Nature Describe her exciting Joyful days to livid And sad ones

Still waiting for my goals To be accomplished Gods light shining my way The process through The strong moments like war Before peace.

My effort through life Awaiting the golden moments I have high hopes To fight the low Like burning radiation To avoid the cold

Motivation is the key For the hard work There shouldn't be Any excuses in life Although at some point We feel down We shouldn't give up 171

Hustle like you're on Crunch time with life

I got a plan By my side To change the ending route Life gives more dreams Like a flower when it sprouts

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Sounds like Heaven Jailin Maldonado

Loving my hair Took a long time Going through it alone Without anybody by my side That could be with me Like gum stuck in your hair

I remember Being unpleasant with my hair Embarrassed Uncomfortable Everywhere I step No one looks like me Straight flawless hair Being carried by the invisible wind Flying back down, touching their backs I remember My hair being Like a frizzy ball In my household It was just me Didn’t learn how to take care of it A mess I couldn’t fix I was afraid Didn’t want people looking Nervous Just thinking about it I remember Going home looking at my reflection My eyes scrolling around my hair Not knowing how to look at it Getting perms 174

Cream traveling through my hair strands People saying “It makes your hair look better” A huge thing That sounds like heaven Surrounded by people Everyone complimenting me Touching my hair

I remember Staring at the hard gray ground Mixed feelings Wanting to be myself Free Felt like prison I had enough I tried to let it out Letting it flow Yet people stared Panic I went along with it I remember how bouncy my curls where Like a little kids play ball Wavy Swirls Tight But yet no one like me

The year comes by Saying hello to the new me A different me Promising Caring Released My eyes seeing the beauty Shifting the other way Where it’s okay to be natural 175

It’s okay to be me Letting it out Breathing The wild air

I remember Looking at my hair Felt like it was staring back Why did I keep you away From showing who I really am?

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To All of Me Emily Belen

To all of me that Keeps me strong That keeps me going when I need help I’ve been there for myself since day one I’m the only one that understands me I know I can be complicated like a maze I know I can be stubborn like a baby

To all of me that has been there When I cry When I’m sad When I’m lost When I just don’t know What to do I’m the only one that can take me out of that funk It’s like a dark grey cloud over my head And I don't feel myself, like a different person

To all of me That knows how hard life can get But I push through And accomplished my goal But I did my best So class of 2019, Here I come

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Be At Ease Draven Rodriguez

Life can flow so smooth and fast Like a stream Dodging all the rocks in the way Passing by all the walls Reaching obstacles That block it from the waterfall it’ll soon become

Racing at an incredible speed Just to reach the end of this long journey Feels like it took forever But ended so fast Finally reaching the big beautiful Blue heavy waterfall you were meant to be

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I survived because

There is life

In me that

Light has not seen.

Junior Capellan

I survived because There is life In me that Light has not seen.

Junior Capellan

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