Headmaster

‘A guy who doesn’t fight back when others push him around is weak.’ Over a half got that message and a third agreed with it.

‘Guys should act strong even if they feel scared or nervous inside.’ This was the most internalised Man Box rule with seventy percent getting this message, and a half of men agreed with it. I think in terms of mental health, this ‘man rule’ is really unhelpful.

‘It is not good for a boy to be taught how to cook, sew, clean the house or take care of younger children.’ Better news here with only thirty eight percent getting that message, but unfortunately a quarter of young men agreeing.

‘If a guy has a girlfriend or wife, he deserves to know where she is all the time.’ Nearly half got that message and a third agreed with it. Again, this is a worry as this ‘control issue’ is clearly a risk factor for partner violence.

The good news is that the majority of young men had personal views that did not agree with the Man Box rules. The bad news is around a quarter to a third of young men live predominantly within The Man Box. The other concern is that the progressive two thirds of young men would definitely include some young men who may not believe in the Man Box rules but, in the company of other men, go along with the rules.

The study found the results from Australia were consistent with similar studies in the US, UK and Mexico. Men following the Man Rules fared more poorly on a range of mental health, self harm, risk taking and wellbeing measures. So something about adhering to the traditional male norms of toughness, invulnerability, self-sufficiency and acting strong when they don’t feel it, is clearly harming men; mentally and physically. Those living the Act Like A Man rules had twice the number of thoughts of self harm, and a greater chance of being the victim or perpetrator of violence, including violence against women.

Interestingly, the study indicates that men following the man rules have higher life satisfaction scores than progressive men who are going against the Man Rule message society puts out. Probably, following the Man Rules gives a degree of certainty about life, compared to progressive men wrestling with the dilemmas and uncertainties of the changes in society, which are clearly and rightfully occurring.

That is what the research is saying, what about the views of writers and creative thinkers on masculinity? At the Biddle House Supper three weeks ago Mr Stansbie spoke about the views on masculinity of the Australian author Tim Winton who has written Cloud Street, and more recently Breath and The Shepherds Hut.

A keen observer of human nature, Winton laments certain flawed aspects of masculinity, saying … “some boys… because of neglect or indulgence…learn to be bad ...I don't think it's necessarily innate. They are sort of enlisted in the army of misogyny (prejudice against women) … had the tenderness squeezed out of them… Boys and young men are so routinely expected to betray their better natures … to renounce the best of themselves and submit to something low and mean. As if there’s only one way of being a bloke … Especially the stuff they feel entitled or obliged to say about girls and women… there is a script there. It was almost as if they were rehearsing what they thought a real man should be like. That ‘script’, the abiding notion of men as invulnerable, flinty, emotionally distant, is destructive…, a kind of prison where the best parts of boys - the sensitive parts, the nurturing parts - go to die. It's so impoverishing… these kids are... rehearsing their masculinity. And wordlessly looking for cues the whole time. … but the feedback they get is so damn unhelpful… Because good men don’t always stick their necks out and make an effort…" says Tim Winton.

BIOLOGICAL ELEMENTS OF MASCULINITY Tim Winton thinks flawed masculinity is learned.

I think that is partly true but I think it also comes from our evolutionary past. Enter the monkey brain. The excitement, socialising pecking order driven, fight or flight, primitive part of our brain. Harvard biological anthropologist Richard Wrangham argues that men are the product of millions of years of evolutionary selection for aggression, right back to our primate ancestors. Wrangham describes our close primate relatives, chimpanzees, as quite violent, conducting aggressive border patrols, fighting over territory, forming small raiding parties that go to war with neighbouring gangs, and are concerned about ‘alpha’ male pecking order status. Sounds like some Year 5 to 9 TSS boys if left unsupervised, and it also describes a large number of male politicians. And it probably tells us why peace between nation gangs, in the Middle East for example, is difficult.

If that is not enough of a primitive predisposition for we males to try to control with our prefrontal cortex, we also have testosterone which Wrangham reminds us is linked to a desire to compete. When we win, males get a dopamine boost (a reward and motivational neurotransmitter) and a surge of testosterone which makes us want to keep on competing.

MAN UP AT TSS So, what are some of the things we are doing about all this? Chapels and assemblies bring these issues to the boys’ attention, and teach them to tap into their ‘ethical, reasoning, higher order cerebral cortex.’ As another part of the solution, we have for the past two years enlisted the help of the Australian program Man Up. Man Up was started by radio personality Gus Worland after losing one of his mates and coming to the conclusion that his mate, and many men, choose to take their own life, rather than appear weak by asking for help. Women are much more likely to take action and talk to someone.

Gus Worland and the Man Up website says … “Harden up. Suck it up. Man up. We’ve been telling our men this for years, but it is not healthy… At under eights footy matches all over the country you still regularly hear adults offering boys helpful, 1950’s era advice like: ‘don’t be a sook’, ‘harden up princess’ and ‘boys don’t cry’. (Just like in The Rider) This is what we’ve been teaching our boys for years, so we shouldn’t be surprised when those boys grow up into emotionally repressed men that struggle with their mental health. It’s time we ditched this outdated and unhealthy approach and started encouraging boys that it’s ok to show their emotions … for years, our image of masculinity has been defined

by physical toughness, self-reliance and emotional stoicism … when you have a problem, you just ‘deal with it.’ But this tendency to bottle everything up has contributed to a rise in men’s mental health issues; and lives cut short because we’ve been wrongly taught that ‘real men’ don’t ask for help.”

The Man Up program principles have been reinforced by a Beyond Blue study that found if men open up to a mate, then it is then much easier to move on to talking to a professional.

Tom Harkin and Tom Bell facilitate the Man Up workshops at TSS, ‘reinventing masculinity by challenging stereotypes and strengthening emotional muscle’ by practicing the capacity to talk about difficult issues, talking about matters of weight and depth which often include emotional intensity. The program sets up a supportive environment in the group and asks some provocative questions to get members of the group trusting each other and practicing talking about issues and matters that they are sensitive about. If our boys learn how to do this, and practice it, they are a lot more likely to speak up when going through a tough time.

Tom Harkin says … “one of the biggest issues boys face is mixed messages, with some people telling them to be strong and tough, and others saying they should be in touch with their feelings. The workshops teach boys that it’s not an ‘either/or’ proposition … we should not be trying to diminish boys’ masculinity… men can be strong, dependable and tough, but also have times when they are emotionally fragile or feel vulnerable. There is no shame in this and no need to repress these feelings.”

This program sits nicely with our Vision Statement around emotional intelligence, positive psychology, wellbeing and leadership.

The next phase was to align the Man Up program with our Year 10 Outward Bound Camp. Just a few weeks ago, the Year 10 camp teachers had a day with our boys before the camp, modelling what the boys had done during the Man Up workshops back in March. Teachers, men, telling a story about themselves, talking about their insecurities, what frightens them, their worries, questions and vulnerabilities. This was the lead in to several ‘camp fire’ talks by the boys during the camp. It is about teaching the boys to understand the right time to have such conversations and how to get from surface level conversations about names and where people live, to what they are interested in, their family, down to topics like ‘where in your life do you display your most authentic version of yourself’. Boys had to identify someone in the group they knew the least about and get to know them better during the camp. At the end there were plenty of breakthrough moments as boys admitted at the start of the camp things like … “I thought you were just a rugby jock” … with the reply … “well I didn’t even know your name, just that you were from the bush, wherever that was.” By the end of the camp those two boys, and the others, had a much deeper understanding of people in the group, with boys showing empathy and applauding the courage shown as boys opened up about themselves.

AMERICAN NFL SUPER BOWL AD ON MASCULINITY Aaron Rochlen, an educational psychology professor at The University of Texas, notes the influence of sporting icons on how boys and girls shape their gender identity. He applauds the 2018 Super Bowl ad by the American football NFL. It is actually about the NFL wanting to ‘fun up’ touchdown celebrations, but it was taken as a positive comment on evolving masculinity. (We will see the clip in a minute, which shows a reenactment of the Dirty Dancing scene of one dancer launching into the air and being held up there by the other dancer. The joining in of the very large ‘offensive line’ players is particularly amusing.) Two of the toughest guys on the New York Giants team, quarterback Eli Manning and widereceiver Odell Beckham Jr, having fun in a non-traditional manner. Watch for the masculinity policeman from last century attempting to stop this infraction of how men are supposed to interact.

Aaron Rochlen is sure this ad would not have happened ten years ago. The homophobic jokes and payouts on the players would have overwhelmed the intended message and humour that masculinity is evolving and can include playfulness and creativity, and even dancing.

WHAT CAN WE LEARN FROM THE ALL BLACKS? I was amused to hear of where people’s views of masculine behaviour were in New Zealand back in 1960 when television started and they showed English football for the first time. When a goal was scored the players gave each other a hug. The Auckland journalist who was reviewing the program went … “into a conniption and railed, aghast at the moral corruption of television for showing such disgraceful, unmanly behaviour.”

Fast forward to 2018 and we see the New Zealand All Blacks at the cutting edge of progressive masculinity. The All Blacks make establishing ‘a sense of belonging’ everybody’s responsibility. Part of their ‘culture of acceptance’ includes the active encouragement and regular practice of talking about your vulnerabilities and accepting the vulnerabilities of others. Mental health susceptibility is accepted as part of the human condition, and it can affect you regardless of how physically tough you are. The All Blacks are taught that asking for help takes courage and is a sign of strength.

Their mental skills specialist coach Gilbert Enoka also explains (he uses ‘ego’ where I have been using ‘alpha male’ chimpanzee behaviour) … “If you don’t put the team first, you’ll never make it as an All Black. We drive the notion of gratitude. When the ego grows too much, it squashes other things in the environment. In our cornerstone philosophies, the team towers above the individual. You’ll never succeed on your own, but you will be successful as an individual if the team functions well.”

CONCLUSION AND TOWARDS A DEFINITION OF POSITIVE MASCULINITY In conclusion, when I think about all these masculinity issues, problems and ideas, I sometimes wonder whether we should even worry about the male aspects and just concentrate on ‘good personhood’; being a good human, rather than emphasising masculinity? Concentrating on masculinity may be leading to unnecessary differentiation

from women just to promote a male identity. Is this helpful? But then I go back to the brain research and our evolutionary past and remember men and women have brain differences because of the quite different roles we had for over 100,000 years living in tribal groups on the African Savanna. As most of you know from my parent information talks, my theory is that because of increasing equality between men and women, and male and female roles becoming more and more the same, I believe in another 100,000 years men and women will have close to the same brain. As I tell the boys, spatial relations ability and physical strength, which males tend to have more of, are declining employment skills in the twenty-first century. Interpersonal relationship abilities, social problem solving skills and emotional intelligence are in much greater demand than spear throwing and arm wrestling. We owe it to our boys to help them ‘brush up’ that part of their brain to catch up to their sisters. Sure, we must celebrate the spatial relations skills and physicality of boys, but don’t let them limit themselves to that definition of a male. So, while we wait 100,000 or so years for men and women to have the same brain, we need to teach what it means to be a good person, but also acknowledge that males are different, celebrate the positives, and help boys understand and self-manage the potentially destructive elements of being male.

I don’t think we have a crisis with masculinity as some suggest. But masculinity is evolving, and it needs to evolve, driven by many factors including the evolving roles of women in society, the changes in the world economy, and related changing demands for different twenty first century work related skills, and the rightful movement towards equality of men and women. All this change is causing complexity and uncertainty for many men and boys. Our monkey brains are challenged, and at times a bit confused.

We can help our boys by scaffolding both the reasoning part of their brain and their emerging pre-frontal cortex to understand and control their monkey brain instincts and urges. That is, to watch their ego, to focus on gratitude, remember that other people matter, and to check their competitive spirit is positive for all involved.

But we must also celebrate the positive traditional elements of masculinity and help our boys enhance those elements in the context of the twenty-first century.

For example, here is my draft definition of positive masculinity. We want our boys to aspire to be a ‘strong courageous protector of others, seeking his purpose in life, who understands and uses wisely his propensity for moments of exploration, competition, aggression and adrenaline.’

This TSS man knows that to protect other people and foster a sense of belonging for all, he needs the emotional strength, the social and emotional courage; to share his vulnerabilities and support his fellow men to communicate effectively, and he needs the courage to stand up for what is right.

SCHOOL COUNCIL

SEATED ROW: DR C. MIRAKIAN, FR H. REUSS, MR G. WAIN, MR F. PERRIN, MS L. MCCOLL, MRS J. REDLER SECOND ROW: MR R. CARDIFF, MR G. RIX, MR A. TWEMLOW, DR A. PAXTON-HALL, MR N. QUARTERMAINE, PROF M. BLUMENSTEIN ABSET: MR N. SHARPE

TOM VAN DER SCHYFF school captain 2018

It is hard to believe that another year has flown past in a blink of an eye, 2018 has been one to remember. The School offers so much from music to academics to sport and it’s certainly been a busy and successful year on all fronts.

Culturally, the School has seen music develop with amazing performances by the Big Band, Senior Choir and the Acafellas at various venues. Many of us have walked away amazed at the talent on display at assemblies. Led by none other than Jordan Negrine, who was an outstanding Music Captain. The heartbeat of this school is the Drumline and there are many occasions during the year that Jordan and the Drumline are called upon and they never failed to give up their time and perform. The amount of boys being recognised at assemblies has demonstrated the interest and love for music here at the School.

Additionally, the academics has been, in my opinion, stepped up to another level under the leadership of the influential Harrison Chen. Harrison has taken it in his best interest, to not only help himself, but to help many in the grade to achieve better results. Servant leadership at its finest. The passion and competition for a spot in the Academic Firsts is fierce and will, no doubt, lead to improved results. Not to forget the infamous Dean’s List which is not an easy feat to achieve but boys from Years 7 to 12 all strive to make this List. Thank you to all the teachers for providing the students with a culture of learning life lessons while gaining an education. The balance of learning academics and learning life lessons is where, I think, the School sets itself apart from others. This leads me to the sporting side of the School and what a year it has been. It has been one of hard work and dedication with some outstanding success. I would like to give a huge congratulations to the cricketers, rowers, sailors and tennis players who all won their respective premierships this year. Not to mention the swimmers, gymnasts, cross country runners, debaters and the rugby boys who all earned a top three finish. I don’t know for sure, but I would think this would put TSS on top of the GPS sporting ladder with all sports taken into account. You all are a part of this legacy and it’s been fantastic to see TSS perform so well in the GPS 100 celebration year.

It’s been six years since I walked into the Senior School wondering how I would go in this school, or where this school would take me. I was with boys that came from the Gold Coast, boys from overseas and boys who came from country towns which I still can’t pronounce. But the expression on everyone’s face was the same: very nervous and overwhelmed.

The Day Houses became familiar, the Boarding Houses were made a home away from home, the Dining Hall was the kitchen and the Bennett Building was where we went everyday… all day.

The School became familiar, it became home and became a place we grew to love.

I remember my first war cry practice. Feeling like I was really a part of the School and the Sharky Army but being so scared to muck up a warcry as Beau Jones and David Brisk were fierce looking Seniors. I, like many here, will not forget the long assemblies sitting on the floor with our bums becoming numb from sitting in the same spot for what seemed an eternity. I remember walking into Turnock and being greeted by Sam Clifton and Evander Guttenbeil and walking away feeling on top of the world because I spoke to a First XV player. If I only knew then, and really appreciated, that the best years of my life were just in front of me. But it hasn’t been all smooth sailing…

At the start of the year I faced an injury that I cannot describe. I learnt the lesson that when Mr Slattery says put gloves and a coat on when dealing with acid, you listen to him! After burning myself, my foot was like something you see in a movie. I had a skin graft

and was told I’d be off my feet for six weeks. An infection set in and three months later it was still doubtful that I’d play rugby for my school ever again. Many depressing thoughts and bad times filled my first term. I would like to publically thank Mr Wallace for backing me and getting me through the tough times, and Mr Fennell who mentored me and provided some solid advice and skills to push through and stay positive.

For the School, everyone knows and wants to forget about the Term One norovirus breakout. Everyone may not have got it but it affected every person in the School in some way. But in true Southport fashion we overcame it and pushed our way through. In fact, the summer sports of rowing, cricket, sailing and tennis came out on top during the Norovirus outbreak. A testament to the grit and determination of the TSS boys. I’d like to thank again the Health Centre Staff and many other staff who went above and beyond, to care for the boys during that first term.

Every rower knows the hardship of finishing that first regatta, or the pressure on an opening batsmen for the first ball of the innings or the nerves of the goalkeeper on a penalty inside the box. No matter how much pressure or the situation you are in, this school provides you with a sense of belonging. Despite the result, good or bad, a TSS boy knows that there is the support of a brotherhood behind him. This sense of belonging is summed up in the title of the school song – Band of Brothers. And if you are a boarder you know the feeling of belting out our song while the organ fills the chapel, it is something special. But I will relate the school song to school life this year.

The first line ‘side by side forever young’, this is the School binding up as one and I was very privileged to experience this in rugby, not just as a player as we stood arm in arm waiting for the opposing team to run out, but also to witness the School binding together to form a tunnel and belt out the warcries.

‘Row on row our finest sons’, every boy in the school, row on row, the finest sons of proud parents and of all those Old Boys who have gone before and paved the traditions and ethos of the School. ‘Though you never came home’, this year we lost a beloved mentor, role model and teacher as Mr DeVries didn’t come home. It was a sad time for many; the boys of Radcliffe House; the indigenous boys who he mentored; the physics students; and most of the Seniors who respected his gentle, caring ways. ‘Your memory lives on’ and yes, Mr DeVries’s memory will live on but so I hope, will the memory of this year’s cohort. I’m so proud of the 2018 Seniors who have been fine role models and who have ensured that the spirit that The Southport School is renowned for, is stronger than ever.

Then comes the words, ‘every day we turn the page’. Turning the page and seeing men, Southport boys just like us, who gave up their lives for the greater good. It’s been quite a sobering task and it’s been a firm reminder to me to accept and take up all the opportunities offered at this school. Life presents twists and turns, happiness and sadness, success and failure but the one thing I want to encourage all the boys here today to do, is to have a go. Everyone tells you and you hear endless people saying ‘go have a go at everything’ and I am going to say it again. This school provides so many opportunities to help you find your passion.

And now I’d like to jump to the last line of the last verse of the school song, the line that is belted out loudest and hardest by all “No greater love can a brother find.”

Being a Southport boy is special. It’s something we are exceptionally proud to be. When this school goes up to Nudgee on their Old Boys' day in front of a 10,000 strong crowd and drowns out the Nudgee boys with warcries and red, white and blue spirit. The feeling of brotherhood and love is strong. We are so lucky to be TSS brothers.

I’d like to thank some people that have made this journey so memorable for me, and the rest of the Seniors.

Thank you to all of the teachers who make this place so special. The love and passion you all bring to the School and towards the development of each boy is truly special. Although we might get on your nerves we do really appreciate and are going to miss you as we leave. We are surrounded with teachers like Mr Herlihy, Mr Wilkins and Mr Huckstep and many others who are so passionate about this school.

Thank you to all the Housemasters. It may seem your efforts go unnoticed but your passion and dedication towards your own Houses is sensational.

I’d like to thank the School Council, Student Services and the Studies department, the groundsmen, the cleaners, the canteen and Dining Hall staff and chefs, the TSS supporters, sponsors, family and friends for your sacrifices and continuous efforts to make our school experience a memorable one. Thank you all.

Also to Turnock and McKinley Houses and the boys for the last six years – you have made my life at school the best it possibly could be. Also to Delpratt for welcoming me to live at the bottom of the Clocktower.