BANG! vol. I, no. 3 by BANG!

Volume I, number 3 BANGIN' IT OUT EVERY OTHER HUMPDAY

CONTENT. NEWS FASHION EATS ARTS MUSIC CROSSWORD HOROSCOPES

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BANG! GANG MANAGING EDITOR

ART DIRECTOR

ARTS EDITOR

NEWS EDITOR

BRONWYNN MANAOIS

STEVEN WEEKS

SEAN ÄABERG

DANTE ZÚÑIGA-WEST

Missives from the Bangery. Hi there. It appears we have made it to issue number three.

SALES AND MARKETING

Three is that majick number where mysteries are revealed. There are the three muses, the holy trinity, the trifecta. Three sandwiches short of a picnic. Luck, especially bad, comes in 3s. Three is the atomic number of lithium. Three strikes and you’re out!

CONTRIBUTORS

And there is that third date where you might have certain, um, expectations.

MUSIC EDITOR

COLLIN GERBER

MARK SULLIVAN

KATIE ÄABERG, IAN AXE, lyzi diamond, ALLISON DITSON, AMELIA HART, MEGAN HINKEL, JOSIAH MANKOFSKY, chayla marie, richard owens, MIKE SEAGER, tim shaw, TIM SULLIVAN, TOMO tSurumi, JOSHUA WHITE BANG PAPER 385 W. 2nd Ave. Eugene, OR 97401

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ADVERTISING INFORMATION ads@bangpaper.com (541) 337-3926 GENERAL INQUIRIES editor@bangpaper.com Printed by Western Oregon Web Press, Albany, OR © 2010 BANG Paper, LLC. The content herein may not be reprinted in part or in whole without the written consent of the publisher. Thank you.

We DO want to live up to your expectations. But, we aren’t that kind of paper. You will have to get to know us better. We’re saving it up for some kind of commitment from you. Will you promise to read us, every issue, in its entirety? We have a lot to offer a reader like you. Style, class, loyalty, clever banter, some hope for the continuation of our species… We know, we’ve heard it all before, you’re not really ready. You’re too busy. You’ve been hurt, misled, abandoned. Your days are spent chasing the wrong kind of paper. You might still be waiting for us to pull away. You don’t want to admit how much you really like us. Already! So soon! It’s not rational! Don’t worry, we’re not going anywhere. We know what we like and we’re not afraid to wait until you come around. And when the time is right, well, you won’t BELIEVE what happens between our sheets… Love, Bronwynn Send us a love letter. EDITOR@BANGPAPER.COM

EVERY OTHER WEDNESDAY NEWS BRIEFS

THURSDAY 9/30

It's chaos in Ecuador as a massive police strike comes to a head as President Rafael Correa paid a visit to capital city, Quito's largest police barracks to explain the new law that reduces police bonuses and slows promotion schedules. Instead of a rousing, back and forth dialogue, the protesting officers fired tear gas at the presidential entourage. Correa reportedly was hit by a projectile, at which point he ripped off his tie and screamed, “If you want to kill me, kill me” before being whisked away to a neighboring hospital. A military escort returned Correa to the presidential palace. Eighty-eight people were injured, two police officers were killed, and the rest of the world was left wondering what was for dinner that night.

FRIDAY 10/1

U.S. teens are celebrating as a decade of federal make-matters-worse abstinence-only sex ed. programs comes to an end. The start of this school year marks the beginning of a five-year program that provides education based on facts that were developed with the understanding that teenagers are horny dogs and are only spurred into action by basic primal instincts to procreate and assure the survival of the species. Conservative educators expressed shock and outrage at the decision, citing that the survival of their socio-political philosophy is dependent on the idea of the kids not knowing a goddamn thing.

SATURDAY 10/2

In a 1-2 rebuttal to professional rodeo clown Glenn Beck's paranoid, take your country back from rational discourse and the boogie man rally last month, tens of thousands of progressives flocked to Washington, D.C., today for the “One Nation Working Together” rally. Leftists of all sizes, shapes and stereotypes gathered at the National Mall in a show of strength aimed at pushing back against the Tea Party fever that is currently sweeping across the Republican base. A lead organizer tried to say something about how the rally was about “the spirit of unity... and getting the country beyond the divisiveness,” but was drowned out by Michael Moore yelling something about criminal bastards and a bunch of anarchist kids chanting, “Fuck the cops!”

SUNDAY 10/3

Over in the Rhineland, they're partying like it's 1989, as Germany celebrates the 20-year anniversary of the reunification of East and West Bavaria. President Christian Wulff spoke of, “a new self-confidence” and “uninhibited patriotism... aware of it's great responsibility for the past” during ceremonies in the former East German city of Bremen. Wulff went on to express immense gratitude to President Obama for taking that Hitler spotlight off of the country and finally providing Germany some respite from the whole Nazi thing for a little while.

MONDAY 10/4

The U.S. State Department issued an alert today for American tourists traveling to Europe. Citing heightened threats of terrorist activity, the alert cautioned U.S. citizens to maintain vigilance and “to adopt appropriate safety measures” when traveling in America Senior. Possible warning signs to look for included darting eyes, swarthiness, or a slight resemblance to Boris Badenov. Authorities encourage everyone to pay attention and throw all rationality to the wind when making paranoid, frantic, disjointed calls to 9-1-1.

TUESDAY 10/5

Keeping up his best Jimmy Carter impression, President Obama announced plans to install solar panels on the White House roof. After installation in the late '70s by President Carter, the panels were removed in 1986 by then President, “I can't believe we twice voted for this guy” Reagan. The high voltage, heliocentric power provider will supply hot water and some electricity for the White House, and environmental activists touted the panels' buoyancy for when the polar ice caps melt and the entire east coast is completely inundated with ocean waters.

WEDNESDAY 10/6

In a complete blow to the world view of gun-toting Jack Bauer fans everywhere, a shocking, surprising new State Department report shows that more Americans die every year from poverty than by terrorism. According to the report, in 2005, fifty-six U.S. citizens suffered death by freedom fighter. While that same year, 472 lives were lost due to having their broke-ass out on the streets of Los Angeles County alone. BANG! contacted the Department of Homeland Security for comment, but we were told to call back later when they were done cruising around in the sweet, new anti-terrorist SWAT trucks that just came in this morning.

FRIDAY 10/8

Bank of America announced today that they would be suspending home foreclosure sales in all fifty states, joining three other major mortgage firms currently making similar moves. The suspension came after evidence that all of those bad mortgages that forced people out of their homes popped the housing bubble and helped trigger the cluster-fuck known as the U.S. economy. It turns out a shitload of those foreclosures were carried out with faulty paperwork, approved by employees who never even read them. Attempts to write a joke failed when gut- wrenching cynicism (caused by the realization that the banks survived on our money, only to kick people out of their homes for the hell of it) resulted in the BANG! Gang curling up in the corner with a bottle of whiskey and some Leon Redbone records.

SATURDAY 10/9

Noted crazy man Rev. Sun Myung Moon (the self-proclaimed Messiah of the cultish Unification Church and owner of The Washington Times) performed a mass marriage ceremony today at the Sun Moon University in South Korea. The lunatic offered blessings as he wed some 7,200 couples and broadcast it all live via television and the Internet to 194 different countries. BANG! has yet to discover what flavor of kool-aid was served at the reception.

MONDAY 10/11

People the world over celebrate rape, pillaging, slavery and mass pandemic with Columbus Day today. Despite believing to his death that he had landed in Asia, and had never actually set foot on the American continent, the brutal and incompetent Christopher Columbus sailed the ocean blue in 1492 and discovered America, where he hired the greatest PR rep in the history of the world.

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KEEP AN EYE OUT FOR THE TRUTH! Contact us with news tips and classified briefings, local and international.editor@bangpaper.com

Tunnels of Love by MOTO I’ve been wondering what criteria govern The Register Guard editor’s selection of letters from their mailbag, and not entirely because they refuse to print my letters. Given that the paper prints only a quarter of what it receives, we might conceive of the bulk of submissions as a proverbial stone block and the editor as a similarly proverbial sculptor liberating some implicit form—but driven by what vision? What does the editorial artiste mean to say by including the suggestion of one recent transplant that Eugene investigate the feasibility of a series of bike tunnels connecting the university, LCC, downtown and area malls? It borders on understandable how someone new to the area, made anxious by the imminent rainy season and stoned on something or other, might find his or herself writing such a letter. But how does such a proposition make it into the RG? The notion of miles of habitable tunnels is staggeringly implausible on more or less any level you look at it. No study is required to reckon the obvious facts. Presumably the editor sees them. What, then, does said editor mean to communicate by publishing this call? Granted, such tunnels would come in handy postJudgment Day, when mechanical hunter-killers rule the landscape. From this we might surmise one possible explanation: the editor is a soldier sent back by John Conner to smooth the way for postapocalyptic humanity; should teenage John, his mother and their reprogrammed Terminator fail to disrupt the genesis of Skynet. (An aside: does any human have more to

gain from Judgment Day than John Conner?) Translated out of Terminator-specific language: I suggest the idea of tunnels is in a sense magnetic to the archetypal mind; and this magnetic quality, the potency of the image, overrode the editor’s rational judgment. The author struck a deeperthan-conscious chord and the editor could not help but sing the tune. Certainly, this fits in with the overall nature of editorial pages, where archetypically-resonant/rationallyridiculous is the standard output of many syndicated columnists. This same nature—i.e. an uncritical instrument resonant to particular archetypal themes - might be used to characterize newspapers as a whole, made particularly clear during the run-up to the invasion of Iraq. The only surprising thing, then, is that a network of bike tunnels rings this particular editor’s bell. Plausible, and as a description of media (and information processing in general) on the whole true, but I think I’ve got a better explanation: the editor published this call for an Eternal Summer Tunnel Network as an epitome of the charming, or laughable, liberal naïveté that Eugene celebrates. The fact that building it would require a singularly massive governmental program funded by increased taxes and loans does not from this editorial perspective mitigate against the idea. Similarly, visions of the after-construction realization that the city succeeded in creating a uniquely unsanitary haven for homelessness and criminal activity only serve to reinforce the image of unconstrained liberals paving the way to hell. By including this letter, I propose the editor meant to illustrate the confused and dangerous workings of the big-government liberal mind.

OCTOBER 13, 2010 • BANG!

Letter of intent — chaYla marie —

riot: |rīət| noun Any unplanned college student mob carrying no common purpose, reacting in ignorant fashion to the presence of law-enforcement. Typically involving excessive alcohol use, and obnoxious, aggressive behavior.

ear Eugene, I love you but why are we calling a mob of 400 drunken quackers chanting “Go Ducks!,” a riot? Friday night, peppery stench, college drunkards, a canister of tear gas for every one hundred people blocking the corner of 14th and Ferry: reaction, not action. This party, deemed riot, just didn’t seem to capture any common position that had, or even could have, developed into something of meaningful intent. Dear Eugene, I love you but let’s remember what it is to take action with passionate positions. In reality, the escapade fell upon vague borders of our poorly articulated laws concerning what it means to riot. Unfortunately, Oregon Revised Statutes do not involve the idea of necessary intent in the technical riot law. However, as a homegrown product of this fine city, steeped in counterculture and good old-fashioned dissent, I think it is fair to say that there is a more widespread understanding of what rioting can, and typically does, involve. Part of it is this idea of political purpose being adopted and energized by the ‘rioting’ party. It has become too easy for our collective “Fuck-the-Police” mentality to govern how we respond to this notion of rioting, even when

misinterpreted. Let’s remember the deep political impacts that rioting can produce when it is acted upon with true volition; WTO Seattle protests, 1999, and last January, Oakland’s Oscar Grant riots. Let’s recall political purpose: Eugene Anarchists of WTO (World Trade Organization) Riots Seattle, 1999. Anarchist rebels teamed together with Church of Jubilee 2000, among other activist groups, to protest globalization. They put aside incredible differences in belief systems to fight for common purpose; meaningful intent was the force that drove them through. These Eugene anarchists, though not perfect models (noted for excessive confrontational tactics that at times nullified their better intentions), did have real purpose motivating them. The result of the four-day riot that blocked the streets of Seattle was the force that kicked the anti-globalization movement into gear. This is why people riot, to make change happen. Let’s remember those locals of the past, trusting their political purpose and starting movements from the ground up. Let’s remember what it is to take passion to the streets. When a group of people gather with strong opinions concerning a common purpose, they are typically further influenced by the group to form a more extreme position, based on a feeling of validation created by the physical gathering. This idea is coined “group polarization” by Lamm & Myers in the acclaimed 1978 work Advances in Experimental Psychology. Once involved in the effects of group po-

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cal gestures. I am not encouraging anyone to start violently disturbing the public, but rather to put some thought into your actions before you choke on pepper spray and take rubber bullets; whether it be fighting over front lawn uses or struggling to at least be treated as equally as deer while riding a bike. Let’s think back to a time when we asked why when finding our selves in, or around, a four-hundredperson mob. I’d like to see individual opinion shine with self-respect. I would like to see us stop appearing to be diverse individuals and start being those individuals, acting together. Let’s redefine our local understanding of what it means to be a “rioter.” Let’s bring that collective communal purpose back to our streets. Sincerely Yours, —Homegrown Eugenian Deeply Disturbed by Drunken Idiocy of Local Collegiate Horde 

by MIkE sEAGER

—Anonymous

BANG! • OCTOBER 13, 2010

larization, it is fairly simple for that extreme position to grow into meaningful intent, and upon action, more extreme outbursts. This political purpose is the central focal point of most riots that occur. Why are we allowing “freshmen disorientation” drinking games to qualify as our central focal point of anything? That crazed UO block party did not polarize by way of sharing common purposeful opinions; just sharing common desire to get wasted… then tear-gassed. Given the contributing factors, it didn’t take much to throw this kind of delicate situation into collected aggravation. Aggravation is different than collective intent. Aggravation is spur-of-the-moment reaction. Intent is thoughtful, purposeful action. If you are going to go to jail with riot charges, I hope that intent is involved in your actions. I hope that you are sure of your politi-

THE ‘LITTLE THINGS' ROUNDUP! T

NEWMN!

TIM sULLIVAN

he City of Eugene is planning on installing their first three bike corrals in the downtown area. They’ll be at KIVA (125 W. 11th), Cornucopia (5th and Pearl), and Morning Glory Cafe (450 Willamette St.) The project is currently in queue behind a mass parking meter installation project at the University of Oregon, and should begin sometime this October. Isaac Marquez, the City’s Public Art staffer, is helping the city plan for a public art component for future racks. Lee Imonen, of the Delta Ponds Bridge Sculpture fame, is also interested in helping with the art component. A bike corral removes one or two car parking spaces and replaces it with 10-20 bike parking spaces. This opens downtown businesses up to many more customers, and they should prove to be hugely popular in Eugene. Ninkasi is also planning on installing a (possibly covered) bike corral-style rack to replace their current “wheel bender” rack—but it will be off-street and thus not technically a bike corral. In other downtown bike parking news, the City of Eugene completed the removal of 288 parking meter heads off 165 meter poles in downtown Eugene to make way for free car parking. This has effectively removed 165 possible bike parking spots from downtown since cyclists can no longer safely lock their bikes

to those meters. In a way, the city has encouraged car travel and discouraged bike travel downtown. Jeff Petry, the Eugene Parking Services Manager and a daily bike commuter, is aware of the problem and working with advocacy groups like GEARs to retrofit the meters with rings so that cyclists can still use them for bike parking. The city can’t afford to retrofit all the meters, so they are working to identify the most important areas for the rings. Surely you’ve noticed or heard about the new stencils painted downtown informing people to “Walk Bikes” and “Carry Skateboards”. At first I was happy that they were using positive language instead of negative language like “no bikes”—until it was pointed out that the signs were painted facing the wrong way. Who is responsible for this snafu? It turns out it was the Eugene Police Department, who did it without first informing the city. They also used the wrong kind of paint. Now the city must sandblast the stencils and repaint them. It should be noted, however, that cycling on the sidewalk in downtown Eugene  has actually been illegal for decades. Mike Seager is www.webikeeugene.org

Recipe for a 21st Century Demagogue

Dante Zúñiga-West illustration ian axe

2010, post-44th presidential election, post republican fall-out and pre-November voting ballots... with right wing leviathans like Bill O’Reilly and Rush Limbaugh cruising the shallow lagoons of conservative talk space, denouncing America’s current democratic majority, one would think that there is little room for a contender of equally grand and annoying proportion to slither into the spotlight. Such a competitor would need the smug yet brazen audacity of Bill’s square-jawed no-nonsense aesthetic, and/or the reckless big-mouthed balderdash of Rush’s daily diatribes. To emerge, this rising star would need a ready-made audience of staunchly opinionated individuals, willing to gather around ambiguous notions of freedom, nationalism and self-reliance. He would need to project a seemingly sincere image, able to somehow connect with the common-folk; and of course, he would need God on his side… Enter, Fox News broadcaster, devout Mormon, college dropout, entrepreneur, recovering alcoholic, republican cheerleader, and twentyfirst century demagogue—Glenn Beck. For those readers unaware of this man’s recent rise to the forefront of political consciousness, Mr. Beck is considered by many to be the face of the Tea Party movement. He is perhaps most prominently identified as the man who had the gall to hold a rally for religious rebirth in America, on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial a few months ago. He did so on the 47th anniversary of Dr. Martin Luther King’s “I have a dream” speech. If you’re a bit shabby on your Afro-American history, the Lincoln Memorial is the actual site where Dr. King gave this speech. “Something that is beyond man is happening,” Mr. Beck said to the crowd, and then followed with, “America today begins to turn back to God.” It would be one thing if he were just some obscurely known, rarely listened to and poorly financed wack-job that happened to gain a small bit of attention during his fifteen min-

utes of fame. This is simply not the case. The crowd at the Lincoln Memorial was enormous. Mr. Beck enjoys a healthy fan base from atop his soapbox at Fox News proclaiming, “There’s nothing we can do that will solve the problems that we have and keep the peace unless we solve it through God.” He has been widely scrutinized for his criticisms of President Obama—particularly his comment stating that the president has a, “deep-seeded hatred for white people or the white culture.” If you are wondering exactly who it is that keeps actively promoting the notion of the current administration being akin to communists, who are subsequently attempting to “settle old racial scores through means of reparations,” (he was referring to the health care bill at the time) look no further. Yes, Glenn Beck is that guy. He is a spin-master, a tooth and nail ladder climber, a talking head of the most malicious order. He is a real-life demagogue, and he is gaining more and more support, as the days grow long. Is this sort of character anything new? Not really, the word demagogue itself comes from ancient Greece, where it was first used by Athenian playwright Aristophanes, to describe a character that gained political power through appealing to the prejudices, fears, emotions and expectations of the public. But what exactly does it take to make a demagogue in this age of electric cars and Facebook? If we were to mix up a fresh batch of demagogue for our brave new world, what precise ingredients would be needed? Below is the best guess we could come up with over here at the Bangery. 3/4 cup of pseudo-charismatic leader 1/2 cup of popular prejudice 1 cup of perceived victimization 2 tablespoons of false claims God* 1/4 cup of impassioned rhetoric 3/4 cup of fear 3/4 cup of canned responses 1 Tea Party 1/2 teaspoon of factual statistics 1/2 teaspoon of identifiable values 1/4 teaspoon of salt 3 (8 ounce) packages of horse shit 3/8 cup of bigotry 1 relatively uneducated country 1 “fair and balanced” TV broadcasting network 2 tablespoons of slander Heap of funding 1 tablespoon of shamelessness Preheat political climate to 450 degrees, Fahrenheit, and beat to froth * Hard to locate ingredient

That Mr. Beck has gained much notoriety in the current cyclone of politics and prejudice is a startling reflection of the times we collectively inhabit. He is a frightening reminder of how well the above ingredients work, and perhaps, how well they will always work upon our vastly polarized country. Where, as the late great Dr. Hunter S. Thompson said, “politics is the art of controlling your environment.” I might add, one ingredient at a time, but the  good Dr.’s words say enough. OCTOBER 13, 2010 • BANG!

by Alli Ditson & Miss Amelia Hart all 2010 is coming on fast. The leaves are changing colors, and though some of us wish this strange Indian summer would last, the rain will start soon. We will all go from glistening with sweaty summer to dripping with raindrops for the next, oh, eight months or so. But don’t let that make you run for your North Face jacket, or worse yet, stay inside under a Snuggie. Here are our tips and trends on how to look good while getting cold and wet. Get a big scarf, and wear it always. That sucker will keep your neck warm, can be wrapped around your head babushka style if you don’t have a hood on your jacket, and can be used as a towel once you get where you’re going. Wring it out, hang it up to dry, and by the time you’re off to your next destination, you’re good to go, with your trusty scarf dry again. Looks great, DUH! Layer up! Old news, right? We think it’s old news worth repeating. Put on as many layers as possible, differing in weight and warmth. Pile ‘em on when you head out into the rain. Then when it stops, or you get inside, strip them away to reveal a nice, warm, dry, fashionable you underneath. Paint that mouth! For the colder months this year we predict a lot of ladies, women, and girls putting on lipstick. With lipstick it seems like you’re either a daily wearer or a never wearer. We encountered some girls in the bathroom of a warehouse show fighting. “You said you’d wear lipstick if I wore lipstick and you took yours off!” We want to change that. We don’t want you to feel like it is a HUGE DEAL to wear lipstick. As our Oregon complexions turn to winter pallor, nothing can brighten you up like a slick of color, and noth-

ing is easier. If it’s new to you, try putting it on and wearing it around the house to get used to it. Also, lipstick is generally pretty waterproof, where eye makeup is not. You can ride your bike in the rain and your lipstick looks great at the end of the ride. Bows. Bow ties for men. Hair bows for ladies, big and small. Even bow shaped accessories. We’ve seen bow shaped bags, bow belts, and even bows finishing off the back of some cute dresses! Boots. Boots for men and women, too. Dudes, nothing ups the ante on your nice jeans like a pair of boots. Cowboy or Beatle. Converse don’t fly in the rainy months. They sog and sop and make you miserable. Switch it out for some leather foot wear, and thank us when you get all the dates. Ladies, we rock the boots all year round, but it’s time to start layering up the leg wear. Thigh high socks and stockings are in, and go great with a pair of boots. Underwear as outerwear. Winter is the perfect time to show off those pretty little things you couldn’t pass up, but felt a little too exposed wearing in the heat. Especially when a cover up was far too hot. Now that it’s getting so much colder, we can stand to layer up. A silky camisole is not too scandalous when layered with a warm sweater. And that bulky old sweater is dressed up when there’s a little lace poking out. Ladies, you don’t have to abandon all that fun femininity of summer, keep wearing those skirts, now just pair them with some tall thick socks. Thigh highs with garters can be pulled off in a more subtle way when worn over a pair of full tights. Without showing any skin underneath, they make a cute detail and the double layer of tights keeps legs from getting chilled!

Alex Bryson is looking forward to fall for the re-

turn of her favorite color, burnt orange. She plans on combating the rain with lots of leather, thigh high socks, and keeping her red hair close cropped to keep it dry. In this photo, she is wearing her summer cutoffs with lots of layers of leg wear in maroon and olive and some mid-calf black boots, topped with a cozy and waterproof leather jacket and a plum-colored cowl scarf.

What will you be wearing this fall? Head on over to looksgreatduh.blogspot.com & let us know! On the site are lots of expanded columns, street fashions & things we like.

ALLIHALLA A.K.A. ALLI DITSON is planning on

rocking as many tall socks this fall as her long legs can hold! She will also be making lots of cool and great winter accessories soon to be available at Kitsch! Contact her at Allihalla@ gmail.com for all your custom fall and winter clothing and accessory needs!

MISS AMELIA HART will continue her search for a not-too-butch leather jacket this winter. It has become her thrift store holy grail after finally finding a hair crimper that works. When she’s not shopping, you can find her at Dawn Baby Salon doing hair, makeup, and looking great, duh! Emails to missameliahart@gmail. com are welcome.

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BANG! • OCTOBER 13, 2010

Carlye Cannon shows off a very versatile blue and grey plaid scarf with a hood sewn right in (“Harf” made by Alex) She is also exemplifying a cute, lightweight, white summer dress re-styled for winter by pairing it with shiny black leggings, boots, and a matching blue cardigan. Carlye said she was looking forward to trying out her new thigh high boots this winter.

FEED ME, EUGENE! local eats with Megan Hinkel

*Said hillbilly is of the East coast variety (North Carolina, to be exact) and does not want to be mistaken for the West coast type. Which, for the sake of clarity, is nothing more than a redneck.

FALL TREATs A

megan hinkel

dear friend of mine has a certain penchant for calling it how he sees it. You might be thinking—So what? So do lots of people in this town. The funny thing is he does so quite loudly, at certain restaurants around town, and in a distinct Southern accent. To listen to him ask a server whether or not the fish is “froze,” is to assume that he is, ahem, less than educated. That couldn’t be any further than the truth. This scenario, intensified by my need for coffee and the mixture of embarrassment and excitement his comments “rile up,” set the stage for the nagging feeling that I needed to share his insights with you, dear readers, and not just with those unsuspecting diners trying to have breakfast in peace. ON HIS DISDAIN FOR OREGON, EUGENE IN PARTICULAR (imagine the following in a loudass Southern accent, at breakfast, in public) Eugene’s just a bunch of crackers. Cultural diversity, my ass. We’re supposed to be catering to other people’s differences and learn their language just because they want to live here? It doesn’t work that way when we leave this country. They just don’t talk to you if you don’t try to speak their language in their country. People that think Oregon’s the best state in the world- you ain’t been nowhere else, and you’re

scared of real culture and color. And green?? The politicians are the highest paid in the nation and can’t fix shit. This state is a nuclear waste dump. Oregon claims to be a forerunner on environmental issues and its behind on everything. Washington has two times as many windmills in the Gorge. And how do you encourage people to be homeless and jobless? They give away food stamps like water and it’s not illegal to stand on the corner and beg. The only jobs here are prison jobs. Oregon has the biggest prison system per capita. The crime rate is down, but prison rates are up. “Good” time for prisoners was voted in, but the state suspended it because they didn’t want to lose money for letting prisoners out. The school system is bad here, too. They teach you to be stupid, complacent. And say you’re free if you follow the rules and stay in your track. Even schools in North Carolina are better, but people think you’re from the mountains so you gotta be dumb. And those beer pushers at the U of O, they’re the only school in the NCAA that won’t stop tryin’ to make everyone drink. This town is a dumb, complacent bubble. People act like everything’s all good, but it ain’t. Listen for the hillbilly at a breakfast spot near you; he’ll gladly burst your bubble. 

Food, Fungi. Foraging.

utumn is by far my favorite season, comfort foods are my favorite foods, and Eugene is my favorite town—so I’m devoting my next few columns to all that’s good to eat in the fall in Eugene! I’ll start with my ULTIMATE comfort food and fulfill my penchant for writing about food you can’t get anymore by saying my favorite macaroni and cheese in town used to be served at The Broadway, who moved their wine shop to the Oakway Center and no longer serves food at all. But trust me, it was fantastic! In 2nd place is Turtle’s in South Eugene—an outrageously-sized portion of the gooiest, creamiest, most amazingly wonderful m&c in town, served with a generous side salad. Metropol Bakery serves my 3rd favorite—an elegant sauce over yummy oversized noodles, served with a touch of salad and a hearty roll. Vegan cheese is not something I compliment lightly (or really ever), but I’m giving LAVISH PRAISE to the Cornbread Café for their cashew-based mac-UN-cheese sauce. Their successful recipe is filling, tasty, just as comforting as the real thing, and available by the tub for carryout! And now for the bad news. Sam Bond's m&c would be perfect, except they garnish it with dill. The Park Street Café served me the most uninspired and disappointing cup of m&c I’ve ever had. As much as I want to say something nice about Papa’s Soul Food, I’m afraid I can’t give props to their goopy and frightening m&c. I’ve only had the Davis’ fancy-pantsy m&c once, and I’m not sure if I didn’t like it because it just wasn’t that good, or because I was freshly traumatized from getting a tattoo in an exceedingly painful location. Oh, October! The rain, the chill, the non-

brightness! This clime is not only great for cheese binges and carb overloads, but it’s perfect for everyone’s favorite comestible fungus—mushrooms, yo! As with anything, when you make your foray into mushroom hunting, you have to start with what you know. (In my case, nothing). So, I broadened my query and consulted with my fungi-friendly friends. The first told me that many foragers are territorial about their “spots” so it can be helpful to hook up with an experienced hunter. In her case, this involved falling in love with and dating one. He emphasized the importance of knowing the entire life cycle of the fungi you’re picking, so that you know when is the right time to harvest, as well as knowing how much to leave intact so that the crop can regenerate. Another friend recommended trusting the wisdom contained in up-to-date, full color guidebooks such as Mushrooms Demystified and All That the Rain Promises and More (both from Ten Speed Press and available at Tsunami), as well as learning how to use these guidebooks properly—most contain a “How to Use This Book” section. Never rely solely on the pictures to identify your finds, as there are often subtle and complex nuances that are not obvious at first glance. For those of you who like structured learning, you can join local mushroom enthusiast Josiah Legler for a short lecture and guided walk at Mt. Pisgah on Saturday the 16th from  10am-4pm.

VISIT http://www.mountpisgaharboretum.org/ upcomingww for more information. OCTOBER 13, 2010 • BANG!

 photos by katie äaberg

SPRINGFIELD’S FIRST ART WALK

pringfield held its first Art Walk Friday, October 1st. The walk was inspired by the Eugene Storefront Art Project’s major success in placing art in Main St. windows & coincided with the Mayor’s Art Show at the Emerald Art Center. ESAP had a pop-up gallery in the NEDCO building as well. I’m not the kind of person who says, “good for you.” I didn’t want to check out the Springfield Art Walk because i knew what i was going to find & i knew that i wasn’t going to have anything good to say about it. But i went, because i like to be surprised. What’s no good is when things are WORSE than your expectations. The Mayor’s Art Show was dreadful. Nothing said ANYTHING to me, which i believe was the intended goal of the show. I entered a world of empty Bob Ross amateurism; colors were “correct,” forms were uninterpreted & undistorted, subjects were of Oregon landscapes & portraits of uninteresting people. I immediately started thinking about John Zerzan & his anti-civilization nonsense & how richly amusing i found it that this Springfield art show so resounded with these Eugene anarchist sentiments. It’s a tendency i see in most people here these days, fear of humanity, fear of taking life by the horns, denial of our natural human tendencies, worship of an idealized earth god. No thanks! I have no interest in “nature”. The wild world of human distortion & artifice is what drives me! AND THERE WAS NO GODDAMN WINE THERE. There was some teenager art at the Wildish Theatre, nothing of note, but it is quite a nice theatre. I’d like to hold Avant-Garde Puppet Shows there. The pop-up gallery at the NEDCO building contained the best work shown, some sculpture by David Miller stood out. Miller’s raw, rusty, iron sculptures would do very well in an all concrete & grass environment, like the roof of the Oakland Museum. Art is about control & lack of control, & where you see the art makes up a great deal of how you will feel about it. As i was walking down Main St., trying to figure out which business had public art & which were antique shops with art in their windows or both, i was struck again at how little the art i’d seen had anything to do with where i was. The art of Springfield should be filled with the ghastly spectres of a disintegrating America. It should feel as if the rug has been pulled out from underneath it, clinging to Christ, possibly pulling the emaciated body of

Christ from the cross itself, to sell at a pawn shop for meth or cheap booze or to just to pay the rent! I stopped in front of some strip club on Main St., looking at a silhouette of a dancing girl on a pole above the door, thinking that it was the art that said the most about Springfield i had seen. Springfield will be holding their art walks on the 2nd Friday of every month, according the rumors i’ve heard. I will be in attendance, watching my back!

First Friday Art Walk, Eugene

was on a mission to check out The Woodpecker’s Muse gallery & hair salon, but i could not get the Parliament line, “like a woodpecker with a headache” out of my head. I ran into Bronwynn & Steven at the New Zone, where the Salon du Peuple was still up, got some wine & we headed over to the Woodpecker’s Muse. It’s a cute space; wine & snacks at the front with a nice girl (later determined to be painter & fellow CCA alum Sarah Refvem) making sure that people were taken care of. Then, through the hair-salon & around the corner was the art gallery. The bulk of the show was some very accomplished portraiture by Jean Denis. She is of the style that finds all of the interesting planes that make up a person’s face, which gives the pieces a very light feeling of modernism, but nothing too strong. Her sense of color is also quite nice. In portraiture i’m interested in a larger development of themes, like doing families, or people who have the same vocation, or people who share similar bodily similarities, something that draws it all together & says something MORE than “portraits of people in my life drawing group”. Of course, your life drawing group can also curate the models, doing what i already suggested as well. For instance, Eugene is full of redheads who have very interesting skin coloring. Sarah Refvem had several paintings in the hair salon area, & after they had plied me with large amounts of wine, i began talking with her & the gallery head Doug Kacir. I think i ended up doing most of the talking because i didn’t come away with terribly much from the conversation, except that Doug had gone to vocational school in Detroit & had a suitably cynical attitude about art, & Sarah’s paintings were of a very strong style, which i hadn’t seen before, but did not say a tremendous amount to me, because

melissa mankins Unruly, photograph, at David Minor Theater

sarah refvem Homage to Francis Bacon, mixed media on canvas, at Woodpecker's Muse Gallery

there was no vomiting, riots, anthropomorphic fruits & cheeseburgers, sex or anything offensive in them. They were very good though. The whole place had the best party atmosphere of any of the galleries on the art walk this time around & i recommend taking the short trip out of your way from the central art walk area to see what they’re doing. The Oregon Arts Alliance (in the former Fenario Gallery) was having their debut show called “Hold”. I do not like “crafts” as a general rule, because i am not a cave-person, but there were some fantastic glass & wood pieces by Karin Richardson. They communicated the feeling of the weatherworn docks perfectly via these compact baguette-like shapes in a way that would be wonderful to see in one’s living room. The pieces also smelled amazing, made from aromatic cedar & pine. We ended up talking about Norwegians & Swedes, & how we related to the warmer, Mediterranean personality more, despite being Scandinavians. Oregon Arts Alliance was out of wine & closing when i showed up. Was the art walk over already? This forced me to go check out Mellisa Mankins’ show at the David Minor Theatre the next day. Anyhow, the David Minor Theatre is not a great venue for art shows, BUT, Mankins’ photography is great & she had a great show at the Voyeur so i wanted to make sure to see what was up. The standout pieces in this show were a series of washed-out shots of an unpeopled Merry Go Round, which was a bit haunting & spooky, as well as bizarrely depressive photos of Venice Beach. A shot of a line of people on Segway scooters was particularly amusing & painted a  great picture of the absurdity of now. OCTOBER 13, 2010 • BANG!

ADVERTISEMENT! IL FUTURISMO by Sean Äaberg present speed.” The words of founding Futurist FT Marinetti embraced all of the amazing developments that had happened with the in—Goethe vention of the automobile, the airplane, mass media, the modern city, mechanized warfare bout a dozen years ago i realized that & everything that came with it. He was tossno vision for the future was being ing aside the historical baggage of Italy & its articulated. The future is always haprotting classical civilization for a moment to pening, but as a public concept, the future had live in his own time! With the soul of an artbeen replaced with the tech bubble & a kind ist & poet inside them, the inanimate objects of lame-assed, neo-hippie hedonism not unof human creation took new life & new meanlike Burning Man. ing. Returning to the I embarked on a now, it’s 2010, over project to define a hundred years the future & then since the publicapromote this idea. tion of the Futurist I was working at Manifesto. Society is the library back riddled with unease then & i would & alienation towards spend as much of all of human cremy time as posation. It isn’t uncomsible reading. The mon to hear people Main Oakland speak fondly about Public Library living in the villages had a fantastic art of our ancestors, book selection content to work the & i set about fillland & piddle their ing in the gaps of days away under the my knowledge. thumb of mother Italian Futurism earth. I was no differcame up in my ent, in fact, up until stacks of books & that point i dreamed as i began reading of a total apocalypse the Futurist Manithat would somehow festo of 1909, i felt wipe away all of the a lightning bolt complexities of hucrackle through man existence & just my brain & out reduce everything into my hands. I to something more had never read manageable. It’s a anything like this traditional human before. “We in- F.T. Marinetti Zang Tumb Tumb cover, 1914 desire found in most tend to sing the religions & just as love of danger, the habit of energy & fearlesspresent in supposedly non-religious people, to ness. Courage, audacity, & revolt will be essensimplify our understanding of the world with tial elements of our poetry.” It had the energy terrible destruction. But why did it feel SO of Punk, but instead of negation, it was asserRADICAL to deny this desire for simplicity tion! Projection of the will into reality! An act & to deny the guilt of being human? To burn of unbridled humanity! “Except in struggle, away the shame of responsibility for what we there is no more beauty. No work without an have done! To embrace human existence & aggressive character can be a masterpiece. Powork to bring life & meaning back into what etry must be conceived as a violent attack on we create? To assert that what we create is not unknown forces, to reduce & prostrate them evil & that just in the fact of us having birthed before man.” The works were incredible! I was it, it is good. I immediately realized the conblown away that no one had ever even mennection between Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein tioned Italian Futurism to me. As i continued & the way humanity sees its creations, & i imdigging into this Futurism, it became clear mediately found myself siding with the Dr. &  why no one knew about Italian Futurism, it even more, with his creation. was dangerous. The more i read, & there is a lot to read because Futurism was primarily an art found in the mass-media of newspapers & MORE: pamphlets, an art made up of ideas & experiThe Founding & Manifesto of Futurism mental poetry, the more i felt as if i was unby FT Marinetti locking a hidden power hitherto unknown by Faust by Goethe the fools of the present. “We stand on the last Faust by Jan Svankmajer plateau of the centuries! Why should we look Frankenstein by Mary Shelley back, when what we want is to break down the Adam Ant - Animals & Men mysterious doors of the Impossible? Time & Kraftwerk - Man Machine Space died yesterday. We already live in the absolute, because we have created eternal, omni-

“Life belongs to the living, & he who lives must be prepared for changes."

BANG! • OCTOBER 13, 2010

WHERE CAN YOU FIND US?

We are at most fine establishments in the Central Eugene area. For a complete listing go to WWW.BANGPAPER.COM or find us on FACEBOOK. WE MAKE COOL BOXES! It’s functional art, kids! Check these out at Olivejuice, Wandering Goat (not pictured) and Rock Java/Gizmo’s Gadgets and get somethin’ while you’re there.

For info about a box for your business contact ADS@BANGPAPER.COM

We are very excited to launch The Art of Dismantling, an ongoing interview series. Every month, we will be interviewing a different artist, musician, or writer that utilizes their gifts in an effort to instigate change. The interviews will be heavily focused on the artists’ political/social views, intentions, and how they feel about the impact the are or are not having in the world. www.theartofdismantling.blogspot.com

experience a new emotional or intellectual response to the subject at hand. This goal is important to me because I have a deepseated need to share my perspective as someone who has often faced extreme discrimination due to differences of racial, sexual, and class identities as well as body size and disabilities. What do you see as a connection between art and social change, and more specifically, your work and activism? JC: My practice is heavily informed by cultural and social theory, which—apart from the work of other artists—is the most passionate source of new ideas and perspectives, the driving engine of social activism. Without theory, the most radical of activists would not know which window to smash—or why. (Theory and action are mutually engaged and inform one another.) Of course, theory comes in many forms, some written, and some representational or artistic. This is the real joy of my work as a socially engaged artist: I get to create works that contribute to some of the most important discussions around social and political issues. I get to create change, quite literally, on canvas, in performance, and otherwise, one radar-sneak at a time.

johnny correa Envy, painting

JOHNNY CORREA

Interview with Dante Zúñiga-West

Can you give us a brief explanation of who you are and what you do? JC: The shape of my experiences as a fat, Latino-NativeQueer man greatly informs my work as an artist. I am committed to exploring the social and political contexts and surveillance that have over-determined my experiences and the experiences of so many others. To this extent, I concern myself with the ‘Other,’ which I understand as all those persons and experiences that lie outside the hegemonic mainstream (e.g., the queer, the feminine, the ethnic, the fat, the ugly, the poor, our planets environmental demise and so on). Also, to a certain extent, the body itself is the ‘Other’ in a culture in which intellect and rationality are valued over and above the fully sensual, embodied experience. What Goals do you have with your work and its impact on the world? JC: My intention is to bring to light social hegemony, especially as it pertains to the effects of hegemony on the body, socially, emotionally and physically; how our ideas and thoughts are socially constructed; representations and constructions of ‘value;’ and magic and spirituality, especially transcendence, the view ‘outward’ from the body and its social restrictions and into the spiritual realm. I also intend to connect all of these concerns with the larger question of our relationship with our environment. Ideally, what experience or impact would an audience member take away from your work? What message or messages are you trying to instill in your audience? JC: One of my favorite teachers of art told me once that you cannot change the world with a single piece of art, but that maybe—just maybe—a piece of art can sneak under the observer’s radar and expose them to a new way of thinking about or relating to the subject of the piece. This is what I hope to achieve in my own work: I want people who interact with my work to

As a person of color in this country at this point in time, how does your work/the making of your work reflect this, or does it? JC: I feel my work is always informed by my identity. The social, political, and environmental contentions are far too important/influencing for it not to be present in my artwork. I try to use my brush and other tools to give a voice to those experiences of difference. In a way, I feel that these tools are my weapons in a battle against all forms of hegemony. Could you talk a bit about Bill O’Reilly and his condemnation of your work? JC: Bill O’Reilly decided to attack the publication The Insurgent for putting out an issue that was direct commentary about the publication of images that came out about the Islam comics in the Oregon Commentator at the University of Oregon. I created a painting of Jesus right off the cross having an erection, making out with the devil who was erect as well and fingering Jesus’ side wound. The Insurgent caught wind of this and asked me if I would let them use it as their centerfold for the issue. It created a big stir, and O’Reilly aired the issue and my artwork for three days on the O’Reilly Factor. It was an intense and wonderful time for me; I received a lot of death threats and hate mail from ‘Christian’ people. Someone even carved a cross on my front door. My original intent of the piece was to comment on the eroticism inherent in the traditional imagery of the Crucifixion of Christ. Secondly, I wanted to challenge the homophobia of Christian doctrine. I knew, of course, that depicting Christ in an erotic encounter with another male figure would offend many people. But not all forms of offense are a personal attack. My third task in the painting: to challenge the very good/evil dichotomy on which Christianity has built its immense social (and political) power. Christianity, like certain other of the world's major religions, draws fairly absolute distinctions between "good" and "evil," as if the human experience were a series of clearly discernable choices, and not the confused mess of ethical, personal, social, cultural and political dilemmas that it is. For God's sake, Bill O’Reilly was the anchor for Inside Edition, how can he be taken seriously? Do you have advice for other writers, musicians, or artists who are creating politically focused art? JC: Just keep on challenging the hegemonic structures of power, which also means the ideas of what ‘good’ art is. Most of all, piss people off, it generates a direct response from a culture that has become vapid in its politics. See you at the barricades.  OCTOBER 13, 2010 • BANG!

MAD SIN MADNESS

Psychobilly pioneers are set to destroy the WOW Hall by Collin Gerber

n Tuesday, October 26th, German psyleases and live performances. Their last visit to chobilly legends Mad Sin will come Oregon two years ago brought them to Satyritearing into town to play their origicon in Portland, where they put on an incrednal and hugely influential brand of music for ible show full of beer, sweat and standup-bassthe WOW hall minions. Spanning a nearly slappin’ good times. The band had a rough twenty-five-year career, Mad Sin is touring year in 2009, for personal, health and artistic in promotion of their elevreasons, but is now more enth studio album Burn and ready than ever to jump MAD SIN Rise, released earlier this back on the psycho horse THE PHENOMENAUTS Tuesday Oct. 26, 8pm year. Formed in 1987, Mad and redeem the energy they WOW Hall, $13-15 Sin is considered one of the are known for. The show is most important psychobilly intense, loud, and a blast for groups of the second generation of the genre. both fans of the genre and to newcomers. For those who don’t know, psychobilly is a Playing with Mad Sin are the Bay Area’s blend of punk rock and 1950s rockabilly music, Phenomenauts. The Phenomenauts have created in the early 80s in England by bands been to Eugene a few times over the last few such as The Meteors and Batmobile, who took years and are a consummate live band. The influences from groups like The Cramps and lighting, smoke effects and props make the the Damned to Johnny Burnette and Charlie experience that much more fun-- on top of the Feathers. Mad Sin came out when the genre space themed new wave rockabilly music. It is was becoming an underground sensation in danceable and infectious, and you just might Western Europe, and still brings the same get shot with a toilet paper roll gun as you tightness, energy and skill to their album redance and wreck with a smile on your face. 

I AT TR

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BANG! • OCTOBER 13, 2010

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MINUS THE BEAR

Plus the good stuff by Lyzi Diamond

ince forming in Seattle in 2001, Minus the Bear have graced audiences with their fusion of math rock and electronica, creating lush soundscapes with unexpected twists from song to song. Their newest release, 2010’s Omni, boasts a live-style recording, different from the pieced-together style of most modern-day indie rock records as well as the band’s earlier recordings. Their live show recreates this unique sound, delivering a performance filled with technical proficiency and  unique rhythmic decisions. MINUS THE BEAR TIM KASHER Monday Oct. 18, 8pm WOW Hall, $15-17

ALBUM REVIEWS



BANG!'s family guide to recorded music HOW MUCH BANG? (ratings explained)



RICE CRISPIES



POPPED BALLOON



CHERRY BOMB

  DYNAMITE

ATOMIC WAR

tube & see what comes up. —ÄABERG

HUNX & HIS PUNX Gay Singles

DAS RACIST Shut Up, Dude Sit Down, Man

2010, True Panther Sounds myspace.com/hunxsolo

 If gay is played correctly, like John Waters, it makes me want to be gay. Hunx & His Punx makes me want to be gay. Hunx is the same Hunx from Oakland’s Electro Trash, Gravy Train!!!! & previously of East Bay Punk scene fame & fortune. He first came onto my gaydar with his ‘zine Psycho No. 1 Fan which confirmed his genius as an artist to me. Gravy Train!!!! were similarly great, with great videos & bringing the trash to the kids. Then Hunx opened a hair salon & boutique “Down at Lulu’s” with Tina Lucchesi (of cooler than you fame) in Oakland & THEN started this band! Hunx has a great Bubblegum voice, not unlike local Dan Jones, who looked at me like i stabbed him in the foot when i told him that his voice was perfect for Bubblegum Music. Seriously Dan Jones, do a cover of “Yummy, Yummy, Yummy” with the Golden Motors & magic will happen. Nasal, high-pitched, sassy, fantastic! The music is sloppy Bubblegum Punk, influenced by girl groups, the Ramones, aforementioned Bubblegum Music & stuff like that. It seems like ALL of the songs on this record have GREAT videos so make sure to type HUNX & PUNX into some kinda

DIE ANTWOORD $0$ 2010, Interscope dieantwoord.com

!

2010, MISHKA NYC dasracist.net

 So, after listening to Die Antwoord’s $O$ a thousand times this year, i was getting hungry for something exciting again. Almost instantly, Das Racist popped up & filled that gap. I was seriously thinking that RAP was dead & nothing interesting could be produced out of it ever again, but thankfully i was proven wrong. Das Racist bring lyrics that you are not expecting OVER & OVER & OVER AGAIN. I’m not even going to quote them so they can be a surprise for you. There is a freedom & a retardedness to their verse that brought back similar feelings from when i first heard Ol’ Dirty Bastard rhyme, like “OH SHIT, THIS IS TIGHT.” One of the things that has stunted RAP music over the decades is the sincerity thing, especially in the underground scene. I don’t want to hear about your fucking “consciousness” man, what are you, the Maharishi Mahesh Yogi? I’m not interested in a guru. If you’ve got the freedom to rap about ANYTHING, then rap about ANYTHING & SURPRISE ME. —SEAN

’ve been listening to this record for the past year, but it’s getting its official release on October 12th. Last year i was crazy hungry for some kind of musical stimulation that had enough new information in it to keep me entertained. Nothing new sounded good to me, old stuff sounded too familiar, no surprises. I new that RAP had something to do with what i was after, but it didn’t seem like any good RAP was being made anymore. All of a sudden this video appears in the periphery, “Enter the Ninja” by Die Antwoord. HOLY JESUS, WHAT IS THIS STUFF? WHO ARE THESE CHARACTERS? I was instantly obsessed. Fronting as trashy white South Africans into Rave Rap, Die Antwoord is a conceptual art project that hit me so hard, i’m permanently changed. $O$ is tongue in cheek enough that they get away with alot of stuff that you can’t get away with when you are being “sincere”, & yet, it dredges up all of those youthful, out of control feelings of total sincerity & total obsession that were locked away inside me. It was like hearing Hithouse’s “Jack to the Sound of the Underground” for the first time again! Die Antwoord is the glory of artifice! Check out the videos! They complete the picture. This record brings us into 2010, if you don’t get it, you’re not ready yet man. —S.Ä.

Feelin’ Witchy?

Got some dollars to burn and a rainy Sunday to fill? check out: KWVA MUSIC SALE OCTOBER 17 SUNDAY 10am TO 3pm FIR ROOM >> EMU >> U of O CAMPUS

FREE ADMISSION!!!!! tables full of used, new, local, imports. VINYL, CDS, DVDS, TAPES, VHS rock electronic jazz noise reggae blues punk folk classical ethnic & more

Gussy up in your “power suit” & check out this year’s

WITCHES BALL Sat. October 23. 7pm

$5-10 sliding scale. Bring a canned good to benefit Food For Lane County and get $1 off admission.

at The Green Olive on Franklin Blvd. www.eugenewitchesball.info

OCTOBER 13, 2010 • BANG!

CROSSWORD PUZZLE OCTOBER 13, 2010 07, bestcrosswords.com BestCrosswords.com - Puzzle #6 for October 2010 Across

1. Back talk 5. Impressionist Edgar 10. Attention-getter 14. Hydrox rival 15. Happening 16. Alleviate 17. Latin I word 18. Cheerful 19. Nada 20. The largest lizard in the world 23. Baseball stat 24. "Hard ___!" (sailor's yell) 25. Sloping letter 29. Electric generator 31. Long March leader 32. Acknowledgment of debt 33. Unrepentant 37. Nourishment 40. "You've got mail" co. 41. Some nest eggs 42. Tending to exhilarate 47. 1980's movie starring Bo Derek and Dudley Moore 48. Directional ending 49. Blend 53. Apply chrism 55. Easy stride 57. Latin king 58. Loose breeches 61. Like some history 64. Histological stain 65. Network of nerves 66. Dynamic beginning 67. Find the answer 68. Above 69. Edible corm 70. Alloy of iron and carbon 71. 1/100 of a monetary unit

Down

1. Soggy 2. Storage place for weapons 3. Sailor

49 55

39. Horrors! 4. Indifferent 43. Actress Olin 5. Bleach 44. Without affect 6. Circumvent 45. Choose for jury duty 7. Style 46. Competes 8. Organization to promote 50. Feel deep sadness theater 51. Pre-Easter 9. Infernal 52. Thrust out 10. Contour feather 54. Inuit dwelling 11. ___ Paulo, Brazil 55. Cotton thread used for 12. Nine-digit ID hosiery 13. Driving aid 56. Pointed arch 21. Ruin 59. Spoils 22. Siouan speaker 60. McDonald's founder Ray 26. One telling tales 61. Bran source 27. Bit 62. Actor Stephen 28. Billiard implements 63. Sheet music abbr. 30. Autobahn auto BestCrosswords.com - Puzzle #4 for September 27, 2010 31. Dissolve Across P A C K C O M A S O P O R 34. Acquire through merit U C L A O W E S A L E R T S L I P S L A T D I R G E 35. Indian holiday resort S U P P O S I T I T I O U S A M E S A S S 36. Nothing, in Nantes A T O A T H W A R T B E D R O U G H O P S T O R A 37. Goat's milk cheese E X T R A C U R R I C U L A R T I R E E T S R E U S E 38. Farm team E N E P R A T T L E S E S

1. Bundle 5. Deep unconscious state 9. Deep sleep 14. Arthur Ashe's alma mater 15. Is in the red 16. Attentive, warning of danger 17. Fall prey to a banana peel, say 18. Blind part 19. Threnody 20. Hypothetical 23. Iowa city 24. Beast of burden 25. From ___ Z 28. Crosswise 31. Night spot 34. Coarse 36. Goddess of fertility in Roman mythology 37. When said three times, a 1970 war movie 38. Like afterschool activities 42. Air-filled rubber hoop, become fatigued 43. Aliens, for short 44. Employ again 45. Chemical ending 46. Chatter 49. Paris possessive 50. Fannie ___ 51. I could ___ horse! 53. Supernatural 60. Spoil 61. Like some history 62. Zip 63. More mature 64. Pit 65. Jazz singer Anita 66. Unordered 67. Wagers 68. Edible roots

p r e v i o u s s o l u t i o n -------------->>

Down

T A

M A

R A N I

O L D

E S

R Y

S C

E A

E N D

O R A

B E

1. Cat 2. Legal rights org. 3. A good one gets you there in a hurry 4. Tenth letter of the Greek alphabet 5. Coddle 6. Resembling an owl 7. Crux 8. Italian wine city 9. One who enjoys inflicting pain 10. Mixed bags 11. Andean country 12. Assns. 13. Hwy. 21. Brando's birthplace 22. Foot bones 25. Aggregate of qualities that make good character 26. Poison 27. Bizarre 29. Most unfavorable

her costume without the other two. We rolled up to Value Village (great stuff, although the used options are getting pretty picked over by now) and I warned her we were NOT, under any circumstances, there to try on the entire store. Two hours later, I’m pretty certain we examined every last costume in the place, but emerged victorious with a pretty rootin’tootin’ cute cowgirl outfit, complete with boots that actually fit! So, a week later, I decide I’ve had enough recovery time to take the older two on the hunt. Armed with somewhat vague notions of what they both wanted to be (which was, of course, subject to change at a moment’s notice) we departed for our mission to the screaming protestations of the little one, who decided she didn’t want to be a “stupid cowgirl “ after all. We managed to secure a partial cowgirl outfit for myself and for my older daughter (the youngest was happy about that), but nothing for my son, who couldn’t really decide between being Gene Simmons or Billy Joe Armstrong (is there really any difference?) Guess what I’ll be doing next week end?

alloween is fast approaching, and for some parents, the sense of impending dread that you do not have your children properly outfitted becomes all encompassing. I remember the days when I planned the little cherubs’ costumes months in advance, cheerfully sewing that adorable dinosaur tail or the stripy cat’s ears. That all came to a crashing halt once my darlings could articulate their own ideas of costumed alter egos. Somewhere around the beginning of September, I breech the subject with some trepidation. “So, guys, whaddya’ wanna be for Halloween this year? We should start thinking about it, get going on it, so we don’t wait until last minute, etc.” There are always a bunch of ideas, each one getting louder so it can be heard over the others. I usually retreat for a few weeks until October comes around. On October 1st, the clock starts ticking on the hunt for the perfect costume. This clock is simultaneously ticking for the other thousands of families in the area, as demonstrated by the crazed look in parent’s eyes at the local thrift stores. This year, I thought I had it in the proverbial bag, taking the youngest to secure

OK, so I know from my own experience that some of you hepcats out there have children. We all like the act of procreation, and there are plenty of us that have crossed into the turbulent waters of parenthood—some of us more than we would care to tell. Most of us wonder what life was ever like without our little bundles of joy (remember when you had money to spend on dinner, or a movie, or beer?) So, what do we do with those darling spawn when they refuse to be dragged to another artwalk or house party?

stuff to do with your kids

by bronwynn manaois

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30. Spring mo. 31. Lump of chewed food 32. Clear the board 33. Challenges 35. College sr.'s test 37. Calendar abbr. 39. Goddess of tillage 40. "Respect for Acting" author Hagen 41. Minotaur's home 46. Food closet 47. Occupant 48. Soup spoons 50. Horse locks 52. Bother 53. Story 54. Frees (of) 55. Hair untangler 56. Ashtabula's lake 57. I did it! 58. According to the Bible, he was the first man 59. Puts down

DOWNTOWN OK, Eugene, we’re so hip and groovy—so what the fuck is up with our tore-up downtown? Seriously, that shit is as tired as a crack-ho. Giant pits that could be parks? What, we’re afraid that people might, god forbid! hang out there? Yeah, yeah, shit takes money, we know. But how about spending less on fixing the EPD’S spray-painting snafus or on enforcing a downtown exclusion zone. Maybe if our town didn’t look like a two-dollar hooker, more folks might come to support the businesses. Just sayin’. —Bang This rant is brought to you by Bang Industries. 385 W. 2nd Ave. Eugene, OR, 97401. editor@bangpaper.com

BANG! • OCTOBER 13, 2010

HOROSCOPES by Steven Jellybean Honeysuckle

Aries Mar. 21-Apr. 19: How will you greet the dyedin-the-wool, drool-dripping, entrenched, true-believing sectarian when s/he knocks on your door? Will you draw the blinds and turn the sprinklers on? Will you get buck naked and erect, invite them in and blast some secret Aleister Crowley recordings? What will you do? Make a decision quick. They’ll be at your doorstep in no time at all.

October 13, 2010

of your intellect and dreams, today. Check out the author of your general overall situational existence, today. Do it before you start bandying blame about. Get some sort of dubbing device, hit record and shriek, “it’s my life!” into it. Then listen to the tones and vocal insinuations, the between the lines and timbre. How’s it sound?

sparrows that flutter past your periphery in swoops and dives, mimicking the slides and turns of subways, and the bucolic field sparrows that flitter by your fringes in sweeps and tacks, parroting the shifts and falls of tractors, shuffle your thoughts about your brain not all together predictably. Just keep feeding them.

Scorpio Oct. 23-Nov. 21: You’ve been busy this week lathering up peaches and shaving them down to make nectarines and faux furs. That pilose pome sheds its shagginess all over you Monday through Friday or however your week works. It would be wise to take a nice long soak of some sort soon to get those bothersome bristles out of your flesh and make a clean go of the weekend before returning to the fur factory.

Gemini May 21-June 20: History is not a continually collecting log of fixed facts and events occurring at specific times in specific places. It is steadily pending, the truth being in the telling. You are always an agent in its creation and evolution. Be an active element. Make shit up. Embroider the edges or sew the whole goddamned fucking thing. It’s as much yours as anyone else’s. Don’t let those shit-heels who write textbooks have all the fun.

Sagittarius Nov. 22-Dec. 21: These next few weeks are for smelters and escapists, adventurers and racketeers, brain-benders and waterwalkers. Get weird with that fickle little featurette reality. Be an active ingredient in its origination. Angle, camber and subversify it. Make it a product of you and not the other way around. Ply the malleable folkways of perception with your own brand of moonshine.

Cancer June 21-July 22: There’s a cumulation of hobgoblins in your brain harrying your neurological nabob and canvassing your cranium for dissenters and challengers to the throne. Shaking your perspectives like a cerebral snow-globe will help flush them out into the light so you can tase those little turncoats ‘til they soil their slacks.

Capricorn Dec. 22-Jan. 19: It’s always a great idea

TAURUS Apr. 20-May 20: The cosmopolitan house

Leo July 23-Aug. 22: In the coming weeks, the moon will be lugging more and more of its full fatass high into the sky which means you should eat similarly circular vegetables – chow on rounds and eat those ovoids. Onions, beets, lemon cucumbers, cherry tomatoes, cabbage, brussel sprouts, red potatoes, etc. They’re all good for paying your proper respects, just eat them raw. Virgo Aug. 23-Sep. 22: The rising weltering weather infuses you with erratic energy and lopsided logic such that you may feel fit and excessively fleet, and decide that if you run fast enough, you may just make it across an engorged and bustling river and only get your toes wet. Or you might think if you tape big plastic bags to your arms and spread them wide enough, it’s the same as a glider. Or some such fancy. Make sure you’ve got a spotter. Libra Sep. 23-Oct. 22: Check out the maker of your smile and heart, today. Check out the architect

to start a new hobby. Try writing semi-smart, snarky horoscopes/advice columns. It only takes a thesaurus and an imagination on the blink. Pick up fire dancing. All you need is a campfire and a long stick. Shit, a couple of sparklers would be sufficient. Get those things ablaze and prance around. The point is: try something new.

Aquarius Jan. 20-Feb. 18: Have you been totally debauching it up recently? Dissipating yourself to exercise ebullience to your fingertips? Let’s be honest here. You have. Let it alone a bit. Make some kombucha, eat some steamed vegetables, read a book, paint a picture, breathe through your nose, get sweaty. Do whatever you do to get it back together after pushing it apart for a while. Pisces Feb. 19-Mar. 20: Pick up all those things

that blind you. All the little things that jump up into your skull through your eyes and ears and stick to the walls like wet newsprint. Pick them up and make boats, airplanes and sailors’ caps out of them. Then go to the nearest rocky height or rolling river and send them all off to the horizon to become origami animals in someone else’s dreams.

STEVEN JELLYBEAN HONEYSUCKLE was born on a bed of dandelions plucked from your backyard on the vernal equinox. He reads only the verso pages of books and is a spendthrift when drunk but frugal otherwise. His teeth are almost all evenly aligned but are of exceedingly poor constitution despite brushing and flossing as directed. His astrological accreditation is signed in watercolors and is currently lost in the mail. His favorite vegetable is brussels sprouts. He does not like snorkeling but enjoys the saltwater section of fish shops. His phone number was once listed as Hello, Ladies in the white pages. His grasp of science is extremely tenuous and the only thing he knows for sure when he gets up in the morning is that he’s got plans for you.

OCTOBER 13, 2010 • BANG!

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