28th September 2021
ISSUE1
BATHTIME Aresen
UP
minty fresh Nature is Healing: Clueless Freshers are Back
Kicking off the week with a strong smell of toilet cleaner
(vodka), all our freshers were out in full force with their multicolour t-shirts. Well done if you didn't mistake a Quads chap for a pizza delivery driver. If one more fresher asks us where the queue for the arena is, we'll be sure to send them to the Upper East side of campus...entirely the wrong direction you lot clearly didn't do DofE, sigh). Though the security guards looked far from impressed when trying to stop grown men from wetting themselves in the ticketless, toiletless queue, the mood in the accommodation blocks was sky high - much
like the towers of sourz that adorm the kitchen windows already If you didn't already know that the Chip Shop Boys would reprise their annual gig. you'll be surprised to know that no
fresher actually knows any of their songs...with one searching for the Chop Shop Boys' on Spotify to absolutely no avail
Talking of the Chip Shop Boys, rumour has it they spent the night at Nando's, making them fashionably late for their gig on campus (Chicken Shop Boys, anyone?).
Wanted: Rogue Ben, Where
How many Eastwood freshers does it take to solve a sudoku? Not enough, clearly
Art Thou?
Has the Quads Hatred Died Down?
All evening campus has been running rife with rumours, gossip, and scandal, all of which somehow
A long time ago, in a galaxy far far away, show your colours night was an entirely different affair
surround a mysterious enigma named Ben. Nothing
For some reason, any accommodation-based hatred
more is known as yet, but allegedly this controversial maverick threatened to clean up his flat before he even moved in, got kicked out of the SU, and to top it all off, was put to bed, before resurrecting like the
was directed at our red-tee collective, who had
weird Jesus we didn't ask for. All we can say to you
guys is: interrogate your nearest Ben.
done nothing wrong besides blocking up the car park in mummy's Range Rover on arrivals
wekend. In an unprecedented turn of events,
though, city freshers have emerged from decades of obscurity to begin a chant against literally everyone else - "campus are cnts"- a battle we're
not sure they'll win. If a city fresher complains and no-one listens, did they ever really make a sound?
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28th September 2021
ISSUE
Fresher of the Students
anything
this
year will
truly
Night
BATH TIME
HIGHLIGHTS
do
for the sesh. A fresher from
Woodland Court, Sam, broke his
ankle this weckend after falling down the bloody stairs. Instcad of resting Sam travelled straight from A&E to
"I keep falling out the Window"
the club, proving that he wouldn't let any setback get in the way of him
hopefully not a Norwood
having a class freshers week.
resident
Everyone at Bath Tiume was impressed
by Sam's antics as he was seen at the front of the queue for the Show Your
Colours Event,
rocking a giant boot
"A framed picture of a cat
This phenomenal, yet surely painful behaviour has carned Sam Fresher of the Night! You can break a man's ankle, but you can never break his
licking its own bumhole" The weirdest item brought to university
spirit. For getting fantastically pissed. We salute you, boss
They would both just
Flat of the
Night
This may be the first time a city accommodation has won Flat of the Night, maybe because you lot are so forgettable. Despite this, a flat in John Wood were buzzing on their way to the pres above them, when their lift jammed mid-flight. For 40 minutes they waited while a technician from Bristol realised he wasn't paid enough to release a bunch of John Wood residents on their first evening of freshers. Their
start snogging On being asked who would win a naked wrestling match between Boris Johnson and Keir Starmer
spirits could not be dampened, however, as our not-so-local legends
broke out into spontaneous karaoke. Rumour has it Shakira's "hips
don't lie' nearly sent the elevator into oblivion. Unfortunately, they
"Are you Jehovah's witnesses?
were rescued.
Want to be Featured?
Freshers after we asked them a few questions, strictlyfor
journalism purposes. obviously
Wouldn't we all like a quick rise to fame? Keep an eye out for us in our bright pink media t-shirts and share any interesting stories and pictures you might have, get in touch on instagram or drop us an email. Good game, my friends, see you tomorrow. xoxo Bath Time
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29th September 2021
ISSUE 2
BATHTIMEresents
minty fresh
In the Jungle, The Mighty Jungle... You lot are a bit tame, aren't ya? After a surprisingly wholesome
Show Your Colours (barring the one bra that ended up on-stage while the Chip Shop Boys performed), Safari Night unleashed the
wild animals within. Favourite animals among the crowd included turtles "because they live forever" (who's gonna tell him?), otters
"because they 're versatile (for what, exactly?), and "roadkill" walks away. No wonder the UK has a petrol shortage all of a
sudden. do you have anything to say for yourself my guy?
Baked Beans vs Spaghetti Hoops: The Varsity We Deserve The Bath Time office is a space reserved solely for intellectual, philosophical debate. where the university's finest minds come together and discuss society-splitting issues such as this. You guys were asked
hat tinned goodness you preferred on toast - baked
We are devastated to report that ater being manbandled, kissed, and ail-
round abused by freshers
our
interview squirrel, Keith, has handed
in his notice and is suing for damages
beans or spaghetti hoops- and chaos ensued. Beans took an early lead, with one Fresher dubbing them curvy bois', before the hoops made a revival thanks to one bloke whose parents used to write messages with his Alphabetti Spaghetti. Spelling "accident must have been a sticky one but we salute the effort and creativity.
D&B and Toast This year the Christian Union are leaving no stone unturned to recruit new members. Sogey toast clearly wasn't drawing the crowds, so one loyal follower decided to blare His hymns from a speaker and an old drum and bass set - we didn't know Andy C
was one of the disciples but hey, "D&B and tea 'n' toast has quite a ring to it, How are we supposed to sing along without any lyrics
though? Taking a Hit of Coke? Not Cool!
SU THE
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29th September 2021
ISSUE 2
Best Dressed: Steve Irwin Vould
you
forgive
(?!)
BATH TIME HIGHLIGHTS
a
tingray if it killed you? ot everyone would be so umane, but Bath's BTEC
teve Irwin was happy to
"People from Surrey fck
ury the hatchet with his
donkeys
OxIC ex and show up for
afari Night in full park anger gear. He quickly efriended a Welshman,
A proud and rather hory
Surrey resident
nd rumour has it they are
ff to seek out
a
sheep
ife finds a way!
"Nah, that's a bit cringe"
Fresher of the Night: Angel Gabriel
Quads fresher on being asked for an interview, while
f you hadn't noticed. here at Bath Time we're a bit thin on the zround for reporters. There seems to be just one bloke in the trenches,
armed with a squirrel microphone and stolen VKs. That all changed
smoking a vape and playing
drum and bass through a speaker Suwre mate
ast night. however, when we recruited a Scouser named Gabriel, who
ivalled Jamie Carragher for raw insight and analysis. When his nterviewees could actually understand what he was saying. RKID Gabriel provided us with invaluable note-taking and determined
questioning skills. If you're reading this, mate, there's a pink T-shirt n our office with your name on it
Today's Timetable
This arena is like a year
6 disco" Michael, wvho peaked aged 10
Full timetable at: thesubath.com/freshers 11:00- 15:00
Sports Day
The Parade
19:00-23:00 19:00-23:00
Pizza & Games Band Night
22:00-02:00
Idols Night
Outside the Plug The Edge The Arena
Want to be Featured?
l am Ben.
Hello. The infamous Ben in our DMs on his sudden rise to fame We have found him. folks. And he hates us
Slide into our DMs (hi Ben!) or drop us a line at our email. No rest for the wicked. folks! See again you tomorrow with all the gossip and scandal from campus. xoxo Bath Time
SU
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ISSUE3
30th September 2021
BATHTIMEeents
minty fresh Idol or Idle? For the third night of the week (yes, it's only day 3), our freshers were primed with their best alter ego personas, even if they were a bit far fetched, After an impressive turn-out for the daytime events, you lot really disappointed us with the lack of drama at night. Astronaut, Neymar or the next BoJo, the arena should ve been packed
Bring out your inner Sasha Fierce, it's time for idols night!
full of wasted Wednesday wannabes until you realise that this year's postgrads managed to out
party the freshers last night aren't you embarrassed? Though idols may be harder to dress up for than safari, we must say you lot don't seem
as rowdy as previous years challenge accepted?
Tuesday night vs Wednesday
If Thursday really is the new Friday (we' ve lost track of what day it is), tonight promises to be a corker (remember to actuallv turn up this time).
Holly Willoughby Goes Rogue After her iconic carbonara incident on the telly, Gino would be very pleased to know that Holly Willoughby seems to have settled for stealing food instead of cooking it herself. A fresher dressed in his pink dress was spotted by one of our instagram spies last night dressed as Holly Willoughby when he stumbled upon the hotdog stand on campus and decided to reach in and help himself to a few. The stolen goods ended up in his bum bag and he walked away looking very pleased with the newly acquired snacks. ILine those stomachs before any tequila shots kids, but maybe take a different approach next time.
Flat of the Night: Eastwood, Are You Okay? Word on the street is that one Eastwood flat has tried to fit the entire campus in its kitchen for afterparty of epic proportions. This party-turned-crafl-evening started with freshers climbing on kitchen tables (ouch!) and ended with ceilings being fixed with glue guns from an architecture student's supplies, in what has surely broken the record for the quickest deposit lost. Congratulations, I guess? Speaking of losing stuff, it's
so cute how casily you guys get disorientated on campus with one maverick ending up at an abandoned church in the middle of nowhere instead of actual Eastwood, which is bizarre considering it more closely resembles a gulag than a place of worship. Sorry man, you live and you learn.
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30th September 2021
19SUE3
Fresher of the
Night
BATH TIME
HIGHLIGHTS
Do you like Huey Lewis & the news?
This fresher does. For idols night he
SU
3ailed everyone's favourite investmentanker-cum-serial-killer, Patrick
This place smells like a brewery, and not a good
3ateman Or was he just impersonating
con students? All be needs is an innate 323sion for financial marketS, an over-
one
compensating Linkedin account and
the cleaners clearing out
absolutely zero game, and we're rocking. 3efore we could award him best-dressed
bottles of all the alcoholic beverages consumed last night
1e dipped. Apparently he had to return some videotapes.
Should've Ordered Taka Taka
I can last longer than
Arrdee's set did" f pizza enticed you to the pizza and board game nights over the actual zames, you will be broken hearted to hear that our own sponsor cough cough Dominos had genuinely run out of pepperoni. Monopoly rivalries had nothing over the pizza vs chips (or chippy-
A fresher disappointed at the sudden disappearance of the
tiktok-famous rapper:
lippics as they are being lovingly called over at the SU) drama. Better uck next tíme.
Ben gets my vote
Today's Timetable Full timetable at: thesubath.com/freshers 13:00-17:00
15:45-16:30 16:45-17:30
EdgeOpen Day
UV Sports Rally UV Sports Rally 2
20:00-00:00
Murder Mystery Mixology
22:00-02:00
UV Glow
19:00-22:30
The Edge Sports & Leisure Centre The Edge
favourite idol is.
Ben. you've successfully made it into all of this year s minty
fresh! Welldone (?) mate
The Plug & The Tub
Founders' Hall
This edition is dedicated to everyone tipping us off
Want to be Featured? As always, slide into our DMs or drop us a line at our email. See you tomorow wih moregossip and updates,xoxo Bath Time
S
- On being asked who their
on all the drama Thank you for exposing your
friends. They might hate you now but we appreciate your service to this noble cause
thescenes action:Ounibathtime
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ISSUE 4
Ist October 2021
BATHTIME/resents
minty fresh Burning Up Like Neon Lights
While our new postgrads enjoyed their sexy Bridgerton tour earlier in the day, our freshers were saving their best costumes till later. If freshers didn't already stick out like a sore thumb, you'Il be pleased to know that they were literally "glowing" last night with one brave lad even stealing his brother's NHS jacket just "because it's neon green' (that doesn't sound safel). With neon face paint and florescent tutus our freshers were contributing the the university's light pollution levels all by themselves. The luminous leggings left nothing to the imagination and most definitely were brighter than our futures. So far, these freshers have consumed pints with marmite, managed to make the toilets in Eastwood overflow have officially
managed to give us a list of "things not to do' to pass on to the next bunch.
Gone too Soon: Flat 'Baby' Marshmallow One Westwood flat was keen on seeking justice for Marshmallow, the inflatable alien they were very lovingly co-parenting, by taking their grievances to Bath Time. Everything was going well until the innocent creature got confiscated by
security before he could even enjoy his first night out with the gang. "I loved him with all my heart. Imagine paying good money to adopt a child and then..." The parents are grieving this huge loss, we keep them in our thoughts and prayers this
morning
Flat of the Night: Lucy & Alessandro, You've Made It! Eastwood 44, it's your time to shine! Apparently, this lot is a huge fan of our
journalistic endeavours and has a collage of all copies of Minty Fresh up on their wall in the hopes of "completing the rainbow'. Take notes folks! They were so happy to meet our Editor-in-Chief (me!) that they had her sign their arms to remember this eventful evening. Even though their current accommodation was their 'seventh preference' they have managed to make it the place to go to for pres. With hands soaked in neon paint and their flat number and now, the words Bath Time' written across their arms this lot was headed to get some celebratory "soggy toast, have a cup of tea and call it a
night" by midnight. Freshers making healthy-ish lifestyle choices? That's a first!
SU
THE
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1st October 2021
ISSUE 4
Fresher of the Night While most freshers showed up with some neon element, Chris truly understood the assignment! Face paint. neon elothing and the willingness to talk to anyone and everyone, he had it al1! Apparently, he got so hammered the other night that he ended up petting the fish in the pond to only realise they couldn't accompany him back to his flat. Tough luck!
BATH TIME HIGHLIGHTS You look like a
responsible grown up. you'll know where I can piss -a lost fresher to me with my media hoodie and clipboard, I mean serious business guys
Romeo take me somewhere we can be
alone: Eastwood-Westwood Romance star-crossed lovers separated only by the student parcel office, this astwood guy and Westwood girl were destined to meet each other at
house party, in a sweaty cesspit of intoxicated freshers. Exactly how ll of the best love stories start! In an interview conducted through a vall of barbed wire, the new couple informed us of the secret nature f their relationship so we did what every responsible journalist would
I don't want my mum to see me like this" "
"James on being asked for an interview. Say hi to your mum for us
lo - print it for the entire university to see, hi guys!
Today's Timetable -
Full timetable at: thesubath.com/freshers-
10:00 15:00 16:00- 20:00
Freshers' Fair Weckend Warm Up
19:00 - 22:00
Comedy Night
22:00 -02:00
Life's a Beach
"Can I geta special mention in the pamphlet for cleaning up my flatmate's sick?"
Founders' Hall
The Plug & The Tub The Edge The Arena
Want to be Featured? You lot have been so lovely to us and all your feedback is really appreciated. Keep the instagram messages coming our way. As always, slide into our DMs or drop us a line at our email. See you
There you go mate, stay
strong, get cleaning
I broke my nose during a
backflip on the first night, I am a gymnast though" -
tomorrow for another day of drunken stories from you lot. Take care xOxo Bath Time
SU
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a
dedicated FW captain
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ISSUE 5
3rd October 2021
BATHTIMEresents
minty fresh All Roads Lead to Rum Our last night of investigation sent us back to ancient Rome and its infamous white obes. We hope the £4 Sainsbury's bed sheets weren't stained by cheap drinks in he arena or any "other substances in your halls. To be honest our journmalists were ust like all freshers, broke and exhausted. Westwood athlete Tristan, however, pparently set records running up and down the stairs of every accommodation. 22 seconds is (mildly) impressive mate but we've got the STV for that.
Our Letter to Freshers: Advice from Bitter Non-Freshers Your week is coming to an end and real uni starts tomorrow. No more bed sheets used as togas, no more dressing up as animal poachers, real shit starts now. So here's some advice on how to survive your first year from a guy who had a lovely pre-Covid Fresher's and a girl who never had a proper Fresher's Week. First of all: have fun, regardless of what people think. From what we've gathered on the field, your
flatmates will know everything you do. Whether it's having a threesome in the first week of uni, relieving someone in the library's toilets or exploring uncharted paths on a Quads kitchen table, the world will know so just be yourself, who cares? Uni wants you to constantly think outside the box, 'novelty of idea' you'll hear it a lot. Ask the guy who decided to dress up as Toga the "My Hero Academia' character instead of cosplaying as an Ancient Rome citizen, he misunderstood the assignment severely but gave us a good laugh and that's all we care about. The blonde wig and creativity were just through the roof. 10/10 for effort And perhaps the most important advice we can give you is, don't be mean to people from Media or you'll be coming to our office twice a day to complain about the way we portrayed you in a scandalous newsletter (you know who you are). You have officially been warned. On a more serious note, we hope uni is as fun for you as it was for us. Enjoy your year, be yourself and know Bath Time will always be thrilled to have you join us, we' re a welcoming bunch, come say hi.
Bath Time is Under Fire We have been heading out to the arena every night to get in on the juicy gossip and you lot have delivered consistently. Last night though, our freshers came for us. Our writers got attacked for not wearing togas and
violating the 'rules' of freshers week, fair enough! One of the writers even got told he looked sad. I'm sorry but that's what his face looks like, it's tough out there, you'll learn soon. One fresher went the extra mile when he saw us taking notes of our conversations with the drunken messes around us. He was quick to whip his phone out and start taking notes too and needed up interviewing us instead! We were told he was a freelance writer' but who knows, he might be working for another media outlet. We appreciate the enthusiasm, not a fan of the approach though.
SU
GROUPS
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3rd October 2021
ISSUE 5
Fresher of the Our final fresher of the
night
is
Night
Cajun
BATH TIME HIGHLIGHTS
Boi from Solsbury A. It was a weird spectacle that we encountered on our
investigation, that of a grown (?) man
"Don't you dare tell the
putting a concerning amount of cajun
Minty
spice on a rice cake before choking on his hellish recipe. All Cajun Boi had to say in his defence was that 'it's a nice seasoning". We hope this dreadful action won't cause a lawsuit from the Cajun people of Louisiana. The real lesson here is that Cajun Boi, like all white people, should have just stuck to Sainsbury's mixed herbs instead of being adventurous.
Fresh about any of this"
people
- drunk freshers on the Ul not
realising I AM the Minty
Fresh people
That's It From Us
I joined Malaysian society. I am not Malaysian, I'm Chinese but these people don't know the difference"
With that, we're all done with Freshers Week and Minty Fresh for the year. If you'd like to join media, get a media membership, get in
There's an imposter among us
touch via Instagram or drop us an email and we will find something
folks
for you to get involved with. Minty Fresh wouldn't be what it is without you lot sending us your stories so Hannah, Adam, Ella, Jake, Mia, Tanya, Maddy, Thea, Lucy, Alessandro, Eleanor and Nadine, thank you so much for your
"They are gradually
messages and for ratting your friends out, we really appreciate it!
And last but certainly not the least, here's to Rob, last year's activities officer. You would have been so proud to see how hard your friends have been working. We miss you dearly. You lot go to bed, sleep that hangover off, get ready for some actual work. It's been an absolute pleasure. xoxo Bath Time
Today's Timetable
getting more and more
annoying and by gradual I mean rapidly" - the hot dog van driver on
being asked how he's coping with freshers week, you lot have not treated him well
Full timetableat:thesubath.com/freshers
Oh, the banter lords" 10:00 17:00
Vintage Fair
The Tent
13:00 - 17:00
Postgraduates' Tour Bradford-on-Avon
Bradford-on-Avon
SU
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We are, indeed
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