TEXAS MEDITATIONS By Michael Gos
What We Are Supposed to Do
Victoria, Texas
“
You know how it is. It’s what you’re supposed to do, right?”
I was on my way to King Ranch to spend a couple of days away from the world. It was right about lunchtime as I passed through Victoria, so I figured it would be a great chance to have lunch in the oldest deli in Texas, Fossati’s. It is actually less a deli and more a small country restaurant, in town. It is 140 years old and one of those places where you feel comfortable the second you walk in the door—regular people eating lunch in their regular spot. Many have done that for 60 years or more and visitors are always made to feel welcome. When I dine alone, I hate to take up an entire table, especially in a place like this at lunchtime where there are people waiting in line. So if one is available, I always take a seat at the bar. And as is usually the case when you do that, conversations ensue with your fellow “singles.” He told me he had been in the Victoria area for thirty years and really liked the place. His job? That was something different. “I was 18 when I registered for college. They told me I had to pick a major. I really didn’t have any idea what I wanted to do with my life at that point. Who does at 18? It seemed like a ludicrous question, but they insisted. I knew I loved plants and gardening with the old man, so I chose agronomy.” Apparently it turned out to be a good choice because by the time he was a junior, he knew he wanted to be the head gardener at some great estate. He said he’d prefer it was his own estate, but he knew that would never happen. Then came his senior year and two things
occupied his life: the job search and his new girlfriend. He was able to land them both. He got a job working for a large plant nursery, starting at the bottom, of course, and as soon as they graduated, he married his girl. While he was working in his field, it wasn’t exactly the kind of work he wanted, and the pay was barely enough to support the two of them. When, a year later, the first of his two daughters was born, he knew he had to make a change. He began looking for that estate job—but the offers didn’t come. “I knew I had to do something, but nothing I tried worked. Most of the jobs I applied for, I never even got an acknowledgement, let alone an interview. I had to do something,” he said. Of course, I asked what he did. I’m not sure he would have gone on with the story otherwise. (This is an “iffy” topic in the man code, you know.) “All my life, Dad said, probably a million times, ‘Ya gotta do the right thing!’ He said that when I tried to talk to him about the problem. And he was right of course—as always. So I took this job at Formosa and I’ve been here ever since.” I asked if he still loved gardening and he said “More than ever.” He said he had created a little
"I guess not all wisdom comes with age." paradise on his tiny city lot. “I’d rather have a couple of hundred acres, but I guess with work and the family, this is all I can handle—at least till I retire. Thirteen more years.” And we left it at that. I do a lot of thinking when I’m driving alone and the conversation with him gave me lots of fodder. As I headed for the ranch, I started to
think his story might well be the same as that of most of us. How many of us work at the job we dreamed about when we were just starting out? For a tiny number of us, where we ended up was far beyond our initial dreams. But I’m guessing for most of us, it didn’t turn out that way. Imagine if we were able to meet up with the person we were at 20. What would that conversation be like? Would the We-Then say to the We-Now, “Nice work!” Or, would it be more like an expression of disappointment, maybe even a recrimination? It’s easy to think, “Oh, that kid was just innocent and ignorant—didn’t yet understand how the world works. He had unrealistic expectations.” But I am beginning to think maybe the kid that was me, attitude problems and all, understood a lot of things about the world and life that I am just now coming to fully realize. I guess not all wisdom comes with age. A colleague of mine from work often talked about how much she was looking forward to retirement. Like the man at the deli, she was into nature and gardening in a big way. As soon as she retired, she was going to sell her city house and move way out into the country. She wanted a few acres and a small “cabin” as she put it, with woods and gardens. She was going to immerse herself in the beauty of the place and garden to her heart’s content. It had been her dream since she was a child, but like the rest of us, she had responsibilities, so she spent the last 30 years teaching. She died last week, three weeks before her retirement date. Most of us were brought up with a good sense of values. We know that self-reliance and the care of our families are our two most critical jobs in life. Because we are responsible people by nature, we spend our lives doing the things we are “supposed” to do. That is respectable—even admirable —and I don’t think any of us fault ourselves, or anyone else, for doing so. But the sad part is, because we spend our lives doing what we are supposed to do, most of us never get around to doing what we were truly born to do. Too many of us go to the grave with our music still in us. And that is a tragedy. AUGUST 2022 | Bay Area Houston Magazine
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