Bayis magazine - issue 3 by Bayis

History of... The Apple in American | Shabbos Halacha: Toys on Shabbos

Issue 3

22 Elul 5776

September 25, 2016

FEATURE THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON MOTHERHOOD

Rosh Hashanah

Recipes

SERIAL

Finding Chava

Absolutely FREE

Teaching 101

Parenting

Humor

Table of Contents

Kids Krafts

22 Sweet “desserts for

a sweet year!

In The Kitchen

4 Inspiration

The King Is Coming

6 Parenting

Rosh Hoshanah Question

10 Teaching 101

Bullying

The Apple in America

26 Tips for Healthy Living

Hydrate !

28 Eye on Health

Youthful Aging

30 Serial

12 History of...

”

Finding Chava: Chapter 3

36 Shabbos Halacha

Games on Shabbos

38 Humor I Just Wanted Cake

This is your Brain; on Motherhood

The Phenomenon of Mommy Brain! 2

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Welcome Editor-in-Chief Rabbi Noach Tuchinsky Managing Editor Rena Tuchinsky Executive Editor Sarah Glanz Proofreaders Esther Rosenbaum Estee Tannenbaum

Welcome to Bayis, the Jewish woman’s free digital magazine! We are so happy to invite you in. With Hashem’s help, we have gathered an amazing array of fascinating, entertaining, and informative articles and stories for your reading pleasure. Sit back and enjoy reading these remarkable articles at your convenience on your computer, e-reader (tablet), or mobile device. For all you “Shabbos readers” out there, you can easily print out the pages you want from the downloadable PDF Shabbos edition or from our website. Our hope is to provide you, our readers, with quality kosher content for free! Wishing you a kesiva vachasima tovah,

From all of us at Bayis Magazine

Creative Director Brachi Rosenes Contributing Writers Chaya Steinman, Shira Katz, Hadassah Glanz, Rabbi Zechariah Steinman, Rabbi Dr. Yoseif (Jeffrey) Glanz, Yaakov Grossman, Dr. David Tuchinsky Advertising Manager Adam Tuchinsky advertise@bayismagazine.com Bayis Magazine – www.bayismagazine.com Editor@bayismagazine.com Contactus@bayismagazine.com We Look forward to hearing from you! To subscribe via email: subscriptions@bayismagazine.com Bayis Magazine. Published by Bayis Magazine LLC. All rights reserved. Reproduction in whole or in part in any form without prior written permission from the publisher is prohibited. The publisher reserves the right to edit all articles for clarity, space and editorial sensitivities. Bayis Magazine assumes no responsibility for the content of the articles or advertisements in the publication, nor for the contents of the books that are referred to or excerpted herein.

From You

I got so caught up in [the serial]. Can't wait for the next round. Suri  Homeschooling (Issue 1) "…I find the dictum that separation makes the heart grow fonder to be all too true when it comes to having time away from my children.” A seminary teacher of mine once remarked that some women are happy to be home all day with their children, and that’s great. For others, having an occupation is a necessary way for them to have a positive relationship

with their children, and that’s called “occupational therapy” :) Nechama  Q&A Parenting (Issue 1) Great question and answer! Ver y useful! Thank you! Thank you! Natasha  Breaded Honey Chicken (Issue 2) Just tried this tonight for supper, without the skin. Whoaw! Was this a hit!! Thanks a ton! Can't wait for more recipes. And to do this for Yom Tov. Keep them coming. :) S.G.

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Inspiration

Rabbi Noach Tuchinsky

The King is Coming

he streets are filled with streamers, the houses newly-painted. Flowers and floral arrangements are visibly displayed. The once-quiet village is crowded, with no room to breathe. Children are running amongst the legs of the thousands of villagers waiting. Suddenly, everything comes to a stop, and the villagers gaze into the distance. Horns are heard blaring in the background. The king is coming. Rosh Hashanah, the first day of the new year, is upon us. The Day of Judgment, when Hashem will decide our fate for the coming year is approaching. Rabbi Chaim Freidlander asks a basic question, which answer clarifies the essence of Rosh Hashanah. Why is the Day of Judgment on the first day of the new year and not the last? If we were to bring this concept down into our practical lives, we would see how odd it seems. For example, a test is usually given on the last day of school, not the first

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day! Why are we being tested on the first day of the year? Rabbi Freidlander explains that the Day of Judgment is not “test day”, rather, it is a placement day. The King of Kings, Hashem, is being coronated and He is assembling His new “government”. Where we are placed in this government is being determined on Rosh Hashanah. This explains why we do not say vidui, the confessions of sin, on Rosh Hashanah. Rosh Hashanah is not about self-effacement and recognition of sin. It is the opposite! The King of Kings is appointing His ministers, His servants, His guards. We want to be appointed to a good position, with health, wealth and nachas from our children. Our davening on Rosh Hashanah should reflect this. We daven for the future, the new year, and not what happened last year. Rabbi Spire explains that Hashem wants to see which direction we are driving in. If we were headed in the wrong direction — before the end of Rosh Hashanah we must fix this; we need to turn the car around! We are not yet talking about driving

in the right direction, which can be done later — just making sure we are pointing towards where we should be. Let us return to the village we were talking about, where there is another person we did not speak of. He slept all through the noises from the crowd. He wasn’t there, waiting all day, creating a festive mood with those around him. He was suddenly awoken to the horns’ blast announcing the arrival of the king. He made it to the town square groggy and ill-dressed for the occasion. His personal meeting with the king was worse than embarrassing. What position do you think he was given for the coming year? We have to prepare ourselves to greet and crown the King of Kings. To explain to Him how amazing we plan to be in the coming year. To accept that certain actions of ours were not entirely correct, but to show that now we are facing the right direction. May Hashem grant us all a year full of good, and appoint each of us to an exceptional role in His Kingdom.

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Parenting

Rosh Hoshanah How can I get my kids into the spirit of the Yamim Nora’im? How do I convey the specialness of these days that might not seem as “fun” as the other holidays?

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abbi Breza k gives the following powerful suggestions for getting our children involved and interested in this auspicious time of year. I have heard incredible feedback about his method, even from parents whose children were not very interested in anything religious at all. It entails having a series of three discussions with the children over a short period of time, either at each Shabbos seudah on the Shabbos before Rosh Hashanah, or during the week, whenever is best for you. For each discussion, you should be prepared with a special or big treat they don’t usually get, which you will give them when they are all sitting. The

health-conscious can give a healthy treat, but it should be a special one. In the first discussion, tell them that they have given Hashem so much nachas this year. Start “counting” it up with them, approximating. (If this is done during the week you can use a calculator.) How many times did they daven this year? How many times did they say Shema? How many Shabboses did they keep? How much Torah did they learn? As each word of Torah brings tremendous nachas to Hashem, it’s pretty much impossible to count. How many brochos did they say? How many Amens did they answer? These are all things you can get some sort of number for. After this, tell them that all

Hadassah Glanz

that doesn’t even take into account all the times they were respectful, kind, thoughtful, and caring… Neither does it include the times they refrained from speaking lashon hara, the times they told the truth… Tell them that all this brings Hashem so much nachas, and that He is so proud of them. Finish by saying that they have also given you (the parents) so much nachas, and that you are extremely proud of them. For the second discussion, tell them that now that we’ve counted how much nachas we’ve given Hashem, let’s count how much Hashem has done for us. Ask them how many taffies did they have this year? How many sour sticks? How many

gummies? Cookies? Ice cream? Pizza? Hot dogs, hamburgers, french fries? (Here too, the health–conscious can substitute.) Move on, and ask how many presents they got this year? How many new toys, books, games? How much new clothing, shoes? How many trips did they go on? Did they play in the snow? Did they go swimming? Now — time for a fun exercise! Choose one child (they can all have a turn if they want, of course) and give him a task to do, such as turning on a light, drinking from a water bottle, picking up a toy from the floor…. without using his hands! Have fun. When they’re done, start counting again. How many times did they use their hands this year? The number could be in the thousands — just in one day! Describe the blessing of eyes, ears, nose, mouth, hands, feet — a body that works without them even having to think about it or do anything! Conclude this discussion by saying how thankful we are to Hashem for giving us all of this good. Start off the last discussion with a question. We say Ki laShem haMelucha, u’moshel bagoyim, “To Hashem is the Kingdom and He rules over the nations”. What is the difference between a king and a ruler?

Let them offer their suggestions, commending them for their thoughts. Then tell them the answer. A king is someone who is crowned — the people desire that he should lead them. A ruler is someone who rules people that don’t want to be ruled — they are not willing participants. We Jews chose Hashem, and He chose us. We love Him, and He loves us. We want him to be our king. The other nations refused, they didn’t want to accept Hashem, and so He rules over them without their consent. Explain that the biggest thing that we can “do” for Hashem is to crown Him our King. How do we do that? By trying our best on Rosh Hashanah to be nice to our family. By davening, even a little; even without a siddur or machzor, just using our own words. We can do this by thinking, before we perform our good deeds, that we are doing them in order to make Hashem our King willingly and lovingly. Children’s prayers are particularly powerful. Tell them this, and tell them to daven hard for what they want. And ask your children to please daven for you as well. I wish all of you a kesiva vachasima tovah, and that you may see much success and satisfaction in your parenting this year. Bayis |

Here is what you’ll need

1 plastic decorative vase Piece of styrofoam to fit inside the vase Apples, cut into 6-8 wedges per apple 2 cups water 1 tsp salt Lollipop sticks Semi-sweet chocolate chips White chocolate chips Toppings of choice; such as different colored sprinkles, crusted pretzels, dried coconut etc.

Here’s how

Cut the styrofoam if needed to fit into the vase. Place the apple wedges into the two cups of water and mix in the salt. Let it sit 5-10 minutes. This helps prevent the apples from turning brown. Remove, rinse with water and pat dry with a towel. Push one lollipop stick into each apple wedge, just enough so that it doesn’t break through the apple. Melt the chocolates (separately) over a double boiler or in a microwave for 30 second intervals till fully melted. Place the toppings into small bowls and show your children how to first dip into the chocolate of choice and then into the toppings. Once done, push the decorated apples into the Styrofoam to create a beautiful dessert centerpiece. Cover the apples loosely with a plastic bag and store the vase in the fridge.

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KIDSKRAFTS

Rabbi Dr. Yoseif (Jeffrey) Glanz

Rena

chinsk

Chocolate-Dipped Apples Centerpiece

This will keep your kids busy while you prepare for Yom Tov, and provide something they will be proud to put on the table at the end of the meal. NOTE: For easy clean up, have this done over a piece of parchment paper or plastic tablecloth.

Rabbi Dr. Yoseif (Jeffrey) Glanz

Teaching 101

BULLYING

ou s ho u l d remain cognizant of the fact that statistics indicate that 30 percent of American students (40 percent of Israeli children) are involved in bullying; as victims, perpetrators, or both. According to Dean Rona Novick of the Azrieli Graduate School at Yeshiva University, bullying is the deliberate use or abuse of power to cause harm to another student. Research indicates that victims of bullies are characterized as shy, anxious, possessing low self-esteem, and having poor social skills. Serious consequences result after persistent and unremediated bullying. Among them are serious physical, social, and emotional scars. Victims tend to deepen their introvertedness and often become “quietly” emotional. Left unattended, depression can result. Being teased and bullied

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can lead, in some cases (and we’ve seen them played out in the news too many times) to the victims lashing out against not only their bullies but others, perhaps bystanders. But what about the bullies themselves? It’s a myth that bullies lack self-confidence themselves and that’s why they bully others. The truth is that these children are aggressive, undisciplined, and crave power over others. Another myth is that the problem exists primarily with boys—not true. Can you recall some of your childhood experiences? Perhaps you yourself were victimized, or perhaps you were a perpetrator (now reformed of course!) or a bystander. Research and literature on bullying has proliferated in recent years. Here are some practical suggestions for how you as a teacher can help a potential victim, as well as deal with bullies, and

even bystanders. Note that schools, on a larger scale, should implement schoolwide bully-prevention programs. Again, the suggestions that follow are for you, the classroom teacher. 1. Teacher Awareness — Get to know your students outside the classroom. Watch how they interact at recess, in the school yard, and after school. Who are the social isolates in your class? Who are naturally aggressive students? Listen to the content of what students say to each other. Even seemingly playful banter or teasing may be early signs. Nip them in the bud before they worsen. Don’t tolerate disrespect among students for other students. Teach by example. Treat all students with dignity and respect. 2. Conduct classroom discussions about bullying — Read books on bullying with the class. Discuss case stories of bullying and its effects. Is is

By Rabbi Dr. Yoseif (Jeffrey) Glanz

also especially effective to allow students to share their own experiences. As a class, it is important to establish rules for treating each other respectfully. Set rules for reporting incidents to school officials. 3. Don’t blame the victim — Victims are victims and are blameless. The onus of responsibility is on the bully! If caught, Bullies might defend themselves by rationalizing that, “well, he was looking to get beat up,” or “she provoked me.” Do not tolerate such excuses. Report incidents to the assistant principal, guidance counselor, school psychologist, and/or school social worker, if available. Empathize with the victim. 4. Insist on a bully-free environment — Establish a well-managed classroom with rules for proper behavior and consequences for misbehavior. Insist on civility, at the least. The objective is to strive, though, for mutual respect and caring.

5. Empower bystanders to take action — Discuss why being a bystander is intolerable. Explain that they need not physically intervene to take action, but they can put group peer pressure on a bully or bullies or inform school officials secretly if necessary. As the teacher or school official, make sure you keep the informant’s information secret. Be discrete. Make sure no one finds out who provided the information on the incident in question. Bullies have problems. They can benefit from anger management interventions. Ask your assistant principal or principal if bully-prevention programs exist in your school or district. If not, suggest that they look into effective programs. Bullying is a complex social phenomenon that demands our attention. There are many important bullying-related topics we still have not discussed. These include, among

others, specific bully-prevention programs, adult attitudes that may perpetuate bullying, family issues that might contribute to bullying, and techno-bullying. As a teacher, you realize that you are not merely teaching a subject. Rather, you are a shaper of lives. It’s the most rewarding yet challenging responsibility. Do everything you can to help all youngsters achieve their very best academically, socially, and emotionally. They’ll remember you most for your caring, not for the specific content you taught them. Rabbi Dr. Glanz earned his Ed.D. degree in education from Teachers College, Columbia University. He taught for 15 years in elementary and middle school classrooms, served as a school administrator for five years, and has taught at the college/university levels for the past thirty years. Currently, he lives in Eretz Yisroel and serves as the Program Head for Michlalah-Jerusalem College's master’s degree in educational administration. He also teaches online for Yeshiva University’s Azrieli Gradaute School of Jewish Education and Administration. He hopes to stimulate dialogue and welcomes your comments. You can contact him at Teaching@bayismagazine.com For the author's latest book that was just published, see http://www.yourlivewebdemo.com/ landingpages/ENGAGE/index.html

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History of...

Apples in America In American culture the apple is iconic. From America’s favorite dessert; the apple pie, to America’s largest city the Big Apple, Americans have long identified themselves with the apple. But the apple is not native to the American continent. The only fruit remotely similar to the apple native to America is the crabapple.

The apple originated in Kazakhstan. It didn’t reach America until 1607, when the pilgrims brought seeds and cuttings from apple trees to Jamestown; from where it quickly spread around the world.

In 1629 the famous Captain John Smith noted that apples grew prosperously in his colony. In fact, the apple grew so well that by the end of the 17th century it was hard to find a single farm that didn’t boast of an orchard of apple trees. Most apples grown during the 17th century were used to make cider, which was even given to children.

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The number of different apple varieties exploded in the 18th century. One list has the number as high as 17,000, although a more accurate estimate is said to be around 14,000. Either way, this astronomical number is due to the fact that apple seeds vary greatly from their parent plant. (A fact which botanists call heterozygosity). You never know what the fruits will be like when you grow an apple from seed.

The 18th century apples varied in their shapes, sizes, colors and textures. Some were bigger than a grapefruit, while others were as small as cherries. Some even had rough exteriors, not smooth like the ones we have today.

Johnny Appleseed did exist! John Chapman lived in the early 1800’s. He owned apple orchards, and, as the legend goes, gave them over to a poor woman when he left to go spread apple seeds in the Midwest. He planted these seeds along well- traveled routes, and would sell travelers seedlings for growing new orchards.

In the 1920’s commercial farming was focused on efficiency, and limited apple produce to the three common ones we see today; Red Delicious, Golden Delicious, and Granny Smith. Red Delicious and Golden Delicious were both discovered by the Stark brothers. Red Delicious was from a

seedling taken from Iowa. Golden Delicious was bought from a Hillside farm in West Virginia for the exorbitant amount of $5,000 (equal to around $100,000 in today’s currency) for the one tree. The Granny Smith variety is from Australia, and was stumbled upon in 1868 by Maria Ann Smith a.k.a the real Granny Smith.

Although the apple still holds the place of the “all-American fruit”, it is no longer America’s favorite fruit. The banana claims that prize, with the average American consuming 28 pounds of fresh bananas a year, compared to 19 pounds of apples. Bayis Bayis | 13|

THIS Your

BRAIN

Motherhood By Chaya Steinman

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UHH…I FORGOT! Do you ever walk into a room and forget why you’re there? Do you ever find yourself staring blankly at the fridge, wondering why you opened it? Are you constantly calling your kids the wrong names? Is it low iron? Lack of sleep? Early-onset dementia? Well, if you’re a young mother, you can easily blame your ditzy moments on the widely popular condition known as “mommy brain.” “I used to have functioning brain cells, but I traded them in for children.” Jokingly dubbed “mommy brain” or “momnesia,” many women experience increased forgetfulness, lack of focus and dulled cognitive abilities that begin during pregnancy and continue throughout the years of mothering young children. What’s really going on here? Is there any scientific basis for mommy brain, or is it just a social construct perpetuated by overworked, sleep-deprived mamas who buckle a bit from the many directions in which they are being pulled? Get Some Zzzzzzzs It’s no surprise that most fingers point to sleep as the leading culprit of mommy brain. Studies link sleep issues with decreased intellectual ability, citing that women who slept less than five hours a day scored lower on cognitive tests than women who slept seven hours a day. A decrease in sleep over an extended period can have a

detrimental effect on complex brain functions that control abilities like organizing information, multi-tasking, and planning. However, these studies were not specific to post-partum or pregnant women; sleep is important to everyone’s health, at all ages and stages of life. Is There More to Mommy Brain Than Just Being Tired? Perhaps hormones are the root cause for mommy mishaps? During pregnancy, and throughout the post partum period, women experience a boost in the steroid hormones like cortisol and estradiol, which are vital for the fetus to develop and for the new mother to endure the rigors of childbirth as well as meet the demands of her new baby. However, these same hormones have been proven to dull cognitive ability. Jens Pruessner, director of the McGill Centre for Studies in Aging, explains that "Cortisol is our major stress hormone, so it provides you with energy to cope with any increase in demand or any threat at hand, which is a good thing […] But at the same time, it shuts down the areas in your brain

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that would allow you to think more clearly." Additionally, cortisol is intertwined with sleep patterns; the hormone shoots up every time you wake up, which can be quite often for a new mother. If disrupted sleep causes a spike in cortisol levels, which in turn weakens brain functioning, it seems like we’re back to where we started. Does it all just boil down to sleep? “To stave off the potentially damaging effects of too much cortisol, make sleep a priority […] Try and get back to a normal sleep-wake pattern with a sufficient amount of sleep that would allow your system to recover from the stresses that occur during the day,” says Pruessner. Still, blaming mommy brain on sleep deprivation seems like somewhat of a cop-out. There are doctors and first responders on call who are frequently woken up in the middle of the night to handle emergency situations, but there is thankfully no such phenomenon as “doctor brain” or “medic brain”. Lehavdil, we’ve all heard stories about gedolei Yisroel who sleep very little and their minds remain sharp and quick. And, to be

fair, let’s consider all of the fathers who are pitching in during the wee hours of the night to care for a baby. No other group that experiences shortened or disrupted sleep is singled out in the same way that mothers are. What is it that makes mommy brain unique? Slightly Cloudy With a Chance of Brain Fog If we were to look in a different direction for the roots of mommy brain, an obvious avenue would be nursing. In Louanne Brizendine MD’s book The Female Brain, she addresses the connection between nursing and mental agility: “…one down side of [nursing] can be a lack of mental focus. Although a fuzzy brained state is pretty common after giving birth, [nursing] can heighten and prolong this mellow… unfocused state…the parts of the brain responsible for focus and concentration are preoccupied with protecting and tracking the newborn.” The main hormone at play during nursing is oxytocin, otherwise known as “the love hormone”. Released in large doses at birth and throughout

“I used to have functioning brain cells, but I traded them in for children.”

the nursing relationship, oxytocin is the hormone that bonds a mother to her baby. Nursing triggers a surge of oxytocin combined with dopamine which transitions the brain into pleasure mode, fostering feelings of peacefulness and relaxation. Yet, the flipside of oxytocin is that the brain moves away from critical, judgmental thinking and goes to a more positive, emotional place. (Interestingly, this hormone is also present in large numbers in the brain when falling in love.) However, this blissful oxytocin high can create the brain fog that many nursing mothers complain about. It’s All in Your Head Although we can’t dismiss the scientific link between motherhood and brain changes, let us consider for a moment the possibility that mommy brain has become a big fat societal excuse for any lack of performance on the part of a woman with children. Has “momnesia” morphed into a self-imposed expectation, in which women perceive their own lack based on the ubiquitous stereotype? A 2010 study compared cognitive test results of two separate groups of pregnant women. One group was fed negative expectations about mommy brain and the other wasn’t. Unsurprisingly, the first group performed worse than their counterparts. Social psychology describes this tendency as “stereotype threat” in which a group

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What are people saying about

#MommyBrain? When you go to the grocery store and get everything but what you went for. When you open the dishwasher to get your kids' food out after hearing the microwave beep. I cut up a watermelon and put it in Tupperware. Later I looked to find it in the fridge, no luck. Just found it in the Tupperware cupboard. Is it just me or do all mommas say dipes and wipers sometimes? Wait, what? I just found my KEYS in the fridge here at work. I wasn't even looking for them! Figures. Accidentally licked a tiny glob of soap off my finger thinking it was yogurt. Cleaned out the fridge and tossed all of the food that expired Feb 25. Felt productive then realized it's not March. I just told my son "sit down and come here." I went to create a reminder for myself on my phone, and literally could not remember what I wanted to remind myself of. I once put a baby bottle nipple back on the milk jug and put it all in a kitchen cabinet. I just shushed my baby and told him he was going to wake up the baby!

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underperforms because of a negative stereotype — this has been the case with black students scoring low on the SAT’s and young girls acting as if they are poor math students. It’s interesting to note that the concept of mommy brain is relatively new. Though the connection between pregnanc y and cognitive impairment had been discussed and researched beforehand, the term mommy brain only emerged in the 1960’s. Katherine Tombeau Cost, a psychology postdoc student at University of Toronto, notes that mommy brain surfaced at “the very moment white middle-class mothers entered the workplace in large numbers.” Cost’s 2011 research corroborated the hypothesis that mommy brain is no more than a social construct. In a series of memory tests taken by both pregnant and non-pregnant women, the results showed no difference. However, there was one big caveat: if the woman took the test at home, instead of in the lab, her results were significantly worse. In fact, one woman was eventually excluded from the study because she brought her child with her to the lab and was unable to complete the memory tasks, though the results of what she did finish

Blaming mommy brain on sleep deprivation seems like a cop-out

were poor. Could mommy brain just be a euphemism for distraction? A more cynical view points to mommy brain as an enabler to female workplace discrimination. In a 2016 article entitled “Is ‘Mommy Brain’ Real?” Britt Peterson rants about the unfair portrayal of mothers: Would you tell a man who complained of severe memory loss that he was "just a young father," or explain that a certain condition would make him "feel like a ditz"? Pregnant women and mothers are routinely discriminated against in the workplace, in direct contrast with fathers, who are awarded the "fatherhood bonus" (…): [They are] hired more often and paid better after they have children. The notion that mothers' brains somehow get squishier, that they're "airheads"

who can't find their keys on the way out the door, clearly isn't helping. Mommy Brain = Better Brain The most fascinating thread in the conversation about mommy brain turns the phrase on its head. Newer research suggests that pregnancy and motherhood improve brain function. Groundbreaking research by Craig Kinsely, PhD in 2010 shows that the brain actually grows post partum: "Ex plorator y research… found that the brains of new mothers bulked up in areas linked to motivation and behavior… A comparison of images taken two to four weeks and three to four months after [new mothers] gave birth showed that gray matter volume increased by a small but significant amount in various parts of the brain. In adults, gray matter volume doesn’t ordinarily change over a few months without significant learning, brain injury or illness, or major environmental change." Maternal brain researcher Pilyoung Kim notes the specific brain changes that occur to mothers: “Growth in brain regions involved in emotion regulation, empathy-related regions, but also what we call maternal Bayis |

motivation […] there's an enormous desire to take care of their own child.” Brain researcher at Bar Ilan University, Ruth Feldman, echoes that, “At the brain level, the networks that become especially sensitized are those that involve vigilance and social salience — the amygdala — as well as dopamine networks that incentivize prioritizing the infant. The amygdala, the part of the brain responsible for memory and emotions, is where new moms experience post partum brain growth.” Adrianne LaFrance explains: “[A]n enhanced amygdala makes her hypersensitive to her baby's needs — while a cocktail of hormones, which find more receptors in a larger amygdala, help create a positive feedback loop to motivate mothering behaviors. Just by staring at her baby, the reward centers of a mother's brain will light up, scientists have found in several studies. This maternal brain circuitry influences the syrupy way a mother speaks to her baby, how attentive she is, even the affection she feels for her baby.” A 2011 study substantiates these claims. Comparing the brain response of a mother looking at a picture of her own baby smiling versus another baby smiling, they found

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bolder brain responses specifically in the amygdala and the thalamus when she gazed at her own child.” In other words, embedded within the reshaped post partum brain is a self-perpetuating incentive cycle in which a mother is motivated to care for her baby and receives positive reinforcement when she does. Yet, as we continue to delve into the brain and hormonal changes that claim to make moms smarter, the plot thickens. Oxytocin, the very hormone blamed for producing brain fog for nursing mothers, is touted in other literature as boosting sensitivity and maternal instinct. Kim underscores the confusion, “[Nursing] mothers show a greater level of [brain] responses to baby's cry compared with formula-feeding mothers in the first month postpartum; [i]t’s just really interesting. We don't know if it's the act of breastfeeding or the oxytocin or any other factor.” What we do know, as LaFrance puts it, is that “the act of simply caring for one's baby forges new neural pathways—undiscovered rooms in the parental brain.” Embracing Mommy Brain In her book, Mommy Brain: How Motherhood Makes Us Smarter, Katherine Ellison seeks to uproot the ditzy mom stigma,

arguing that motherhood increases a woman’s perception, efficiency, resiliency, motivation and emotional intelligence. True, many mothers feel frazzled from the toll their demanding lives take on their brain. Full disclosure, I’m the proud mommy of a beautiful two-month-old baby girl, so I represent the exact demographic in question. Yet if we, as mothers, take a moment to quiet the incessant to-do list that runs through our minds, we can consider the maturity and wisdom we’ve gained from our sacred role. The science and pop psychology of mommy brain is interesting, but if we turn to Torah sources we can see the real meaning of mommy brain. Look no further than Aishes Chayil for the embodiment of a super-multitasking mom who works outside of the home and expertly tends to the needs of her household. The responsibilities and distractions of motherhood and the tensions of the work-life balance have not dulled her intellect. “She opens her mouth with wisdom… Many daughters have amassed achievement, but you surpassed them all…a G-d fearing woman – she should be praised” (Proverbs 31:17-28). May we all merit to develop the ultimate mommy brain by becoming true N’shei Chayil!

in the

Recipes and Photos By Rena Tuchinsky

Kitchen

Rosh Hashanah

Desserts

Desserts are probably the most important part of your Rosh Hashanah menu. I mean, if you want a sweet year you better have lots of sweet desserts just to be sure the segula works, right? Right! That is why Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m sharing these three sweet treats that I hope will enhance your Yom Tov. Shanah tovah Uâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;Mesuka!

MOST-DELICIOUS HONEY CAKE Yields: two small loaf pans

This honey cake is seriously the most delicious. Even those who claim they don’t like honey cake love this one. So give it a try and you may find yourself going back to this recipe year after year. ½ cup + 1 tablespoon oil ¾ cup honey ½ cup sugar ¼ cup dark brown sugar 2 eggs ½ teaspoon vanilla extract

1 cup strong coffee (1 cup warm water with 1 tablespoon of instant coffee) 1 teaspoon baking soda 1 teaspoon baking powder 1 teaspoon cocoa 1 teaspoon cinnamon 2 cups flour 1. P reheat oven to 350ºF (180ºC). Grease and flour two loaf pans; set aside.

2. I n a large bowl whisk together the oil, honey, sugars, eggs, and vanilla. Add in the warm coffee and whisk again. Add in the rest of the ingredients and whisk till fully combined. 3. Divide batter (will be runny) between the two loaf pans. 4. B ake for about 35 minutes or until a toothpick inserted comes out clean.

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POMEGRANATE ROULADE Yields: 10 slices

Both beautiful and delicious, this cake is sure to be a hit. Though it may look like it took you lots of effort to put together, it is actually fairly simple to prepare. The cream and pomegranate syrup combo is a real winner you definitely need at your Rosh Hashanah table. Cake: 4 eggs 1 tablespoon vanilla sugar ¾ cup sugar 2 tablespoons water 1 cup flour 1 teaspoon baking powder Pomegranate Syrup: 3 cups pomegranate juice ½ cup sugar (can use less if your juice is not very tart) Cream: 1 large (16oz) non-dairy whip 3 tablespoons powdered sugar Garnish- Pomegranate arils For the Cake 1. Preheat oven to 350ºF (180ºC). Line an 18x13 sheet pan with parchment paper and spray with non-stick cooking spray. 2. Beat the eggs till pale and fluffy then add in the vanilla sugar, sugar and water. Beat till combined. 3. Add in the flour and baking powder and lightly mix/fold into the eggs. Do not over mix, but make sure there are no

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clumps of flour left. 4. P our and spread evenly onto greased sheet pan. Bake 15 minutes or until firm to the touch and slightly golden 5. O nce removed from the oven, peel it off of the paper then roll the cake up with the paper still on it. Set aside to cool. For the Syrup 1. B ring the pomegranate juice and sugar to a boil in a saucepan. 2. Allow to boil till it has reduced to half of the original amount, then lower flame and simmer. 3. After 50-60 minutes the liquid should be slightly thicker and have a rich dark color. 4. R emove and let cool. It will thicken as it cools.

For the Cream: 1. B eat the whipped topping and powdered sugar till doubled in size. 2. P our around 4-6 tablespoons of the pomegranate syrup into the cream and use a knife to swirl it in. Add more syrup, to taste. To assemble: 1. U nroll the cake and smear an even layer of the cream. 2. R oll up the cake and place seam side down on a serving platter. 3. Top cake with leftover cream and sprinkle on pomegranate arils.

HEALTHIER APPLE PIE Yields: 8 slices

A sweet year is great, but a healthy year is even better. This apple pie combines the two perfectly. Though it is a healthier option, it’ll surprise your guests who won’t miss the usually overly sweet dessert. The best part is that you won’t feel guilty going back for seconds!

For the Filling 8 red apples, or a mix of red and green, peeled and thinly sliced 2 tablespoons whole wheat flour 3 tablespoons maple syrup* 2 tablespoons honey 1 teaspoon cinnamon For the Glaze 1 tablespoon maple syrup Splash of water, to thin *Don’t swap the maple syrup for honey or anything else. I’ve tried it and it is not

For the Crust 2 cups whole wheat flour 1 teaspoon baking powder ⅓ cup oil ⅓ cup applesauce ⅔ cup boiling water

nearly as good. The maple syrup makes it really delicious.

1. Preheat oven 350ºF (180ºC). 2. M ix together all the crust ingredients until they form a dough. Add some more flour if too sticky, but not too much or it will result into a dry crust. Divide the

dough in half. 3. R oll out half the dough on parchment paper. Place the dough on the bottom and up the sides of a pie dish. Pierce holes all over the dough using a fork. Bake in the oven for 10 minutes till firm. 4. Mix together the filling ingredients. 5. R oll out the other half of the dough to fit the top of the pie dish. 6. O nce the crust is out of the oven, pour in the filling and top with the other half of dough. Use your fingers to pinch the edges, then cut slits on the top of the crust. 7. Bake for 50-60 minutes, till apples are soft. You can check by putting a knife through the slits. 8. R emove from oven and brush the top of the crust with the glaze.

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Tips for

Healthy Living

Hydrate, Hydrate, Hydrate! If you want to lose weight DRINK WATER. If you want to be healthy DRINK WATER. If you want to (fill in the blank) DRINK WATER. Sound familiar? This is something we have all heard before, and with good reason. Water helps flush out toxins, gives you that much-needed boost of energy, and keeps you feeling full. Many times we mistake dehydration with a food craving. Whenever you feel a craving coming on — drink a big glass of water, and most of the time the craving will disappear. Sounds simple, right? No. Let’s face it; water can be boring. It is flavorless, and though refreshing at times, most of us find it hard to drink as much as we should each day. As you get used to drinking more water you will come to enjoy it as is. Until then, here’s how to make the water more palatable:

Add frozen fruit. This will keep your water nice and cold and add some fruity flavor.

A winning combo. Add a few cubes of watermelon and some fresh mint

Naturally sweetened tea is delicious. All you need to do is brew your favorite cup of tea (such as green tea) and add some stevia or a little honey. Drink it hot or cold throughout the day.

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Make “spa water.” Adding in some sliced cucumbers and lemon, tastes super refreshing.

Healthy lemonade. A squeeze of lemon juice and a little stevia makes a delicious and healthy lemonade.

With a fast coming up it is important to make sure you are properly hydrated at least a week before. With these tips it will be even easier to do. Before you know it, your water intake will go up and you won’t even realize you’ve been drinking water all along.

Happy water drinking!

Rabbi Dr. Yoseif (Jeffrey) Glanz

Eye on Health

Youthful Aging

he key to staying youthful into your latter years doesn’t lay in the hands of your hair stylist or medical spa, but instead in your attitude. Research shows internalizing negative stereotypes about aging harms your health, which speeds up aging. However, having a positive attitude toward aging can boost immune function, promote healthy behaviors, and help you feel in control of your life. Here are some benefits researchers have found to a positive perception of aging, such as feeling useful and happy with yourself: • Positive perception of aging has been shown to be more important than cholesterol, blood pressure, weight, and

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even exercise when it comes to improving longevity. • One study found positive self-perception about aging lowered the risk of aging-associated disability, and preserved daily function and ability. • Positive perception improves preventive behaviors such as sticking to a good diet, exercising, and following through with check-ups. • Expecting to lose your memory has been shown to increase cognitive decline by up to 30 percent compared to thinking positively about your brain function. • And of course, a negative perception of aging has been shown to increase the risk of heart disease. Interestingly, studies show that developing a positive aging attitude can reduce the risk of heart disease by up to 80 percent!

HOW TO AGE HEALTHY A positive attitude has been shown to be vital to good health. However, it’s important to pay attention to the nuts and bolts of good health, too. Regular exercise is regarded as somewhat of a magic bullet by researchers. People who exercise regularly throughout their lives age better and enjoy better brain function throughout their lives. Along with that that comes a diet low in sugars and processed carbs — chronically high blood sugar is behind many chronic diseases and brain degeneration. In fact, some researchers call Alzheimer’s disease type 3 diabetes because of the links between high blood sugar and brain degeneration. Avoiding other inflammatory foods (besides sugar, gluten and dairy are the most common inflammatory foods) while loading up on fresh veggies is another preventive dietary approach. Lastly, healthy aging depends on a healthy, nutrient-dense diet that is rich in fresh vegetable as well as healthy fats.

Rabbi Dr. Yoseif (Jeffrey) Glanz

Chapter 3 Chava brings her parents' wedding picture to her art class, where someone tells her it is a religious Jewish wedding. Evie asks Chava to go to Europe with her, but Chava feels a pull to stay and investigate.

hava’s parents were home when she got home from art class, and she couldn’t avoid seeing them. They were sitting in the kitchen, talking about some project her mom had finished that morning, and Chava didn’t even try to be quiet as she walked by. “Ava? You’re just getting home now?” Chava stopped but didn’t join them. “Evie and I were out,” she said. “Come sit with us,” her father said. Chava reluctantly followed his voice into the kitchen. “You’ve been sleeping a lot recently,” her father said. Something in his voice let Chava know that he knew that she hadn’t been sleeping. She leaned up against a counter. “Evie and I have been doing stuff,” she said. Chava’s mother removed her glasses and rubbed them on a napkin. There was an awkward silence, and then Chava turned on her heel. “I’m just going to go to bed now, I think,” she said. Her mother was already turning away from her, but her father stopped her.

finding chava By: Shira Katz

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Rabbi Dr. Yoseif Rabbi (Jeffrey) Daniel Glanz Glanz “What’s that you’re holding?” Chava turned. “What —” She realized with horror that she was still holding the picture wrapped in newspaper. “Oh — just — something Evie bought for me at the commons.” Chava rushed out of the room and took the stairs two at a time, her heart pounding. She knew she would have to

Instead, she holed up in her room all night with the picture. She knew she needed answers. confront them eventually, and while she was sitting on the banks of the lake, she had thought tonight would be the night. But when she was actually standing before them, she was too terrified to even ask. It felt like she was standing on the bank of a much deeper and darker lake, one that would swallow her whole if she fell in.

Instead, she holed up in her room all night with the picture. She knew she needed answers, but she just wasn’t ready to get them from her parents. She tried to think of other resources. Her parents didn’t have any siblings, so there was no luck there. She could try to ask her parents’ friends, but that would too easily get back to her parents. Unfortunately, none of her grandparents were alive to ask. Chava laid on her bed, again staring up at her ceiling, and reached her hand out towards the glow-in-the-dark stars, pretending they were real as she had when she was little, and wondering what it would be like to touch them. Chava awoke in the morning without realizing she had fallen asleep, and the last vestige of her dream was still sitting in her mind. She stood and stretched, looking out her window and seeing that her parents had already left for work. Today was her day for snooping. She began back in her parents’ room, just for good measure, but found it as useless as it had been before. She then opened every drawer in the house, expanding her search to newspaper clippings, magazine articles,

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pictures, paintings, letters, postcards—anything that could help her. Eventually, she ended up at the door to the basement, and she flipped on the single lightbulb that lit the unfinished room. Taking the stairs slowly, making sure not to trip on the debris, she scanned the room for any thing that might be useful. Their basement was a hodgepodge of abandoned items. Her father had never had the time to finish it, so the walls were bare and the pipes were exposed. Not much was stored here except for old working tools and broken kitchen appliances. When she reached the landing, Chava’s eyes were immediately drawn to a small closet door. She had never noticed the door before, but if she had, she would have assumed it was just filled with more junk. Today, though, she had a feeling she would find something different. Crossing the room, Chava pulled open the heavy door, which squeaked loudly with every inch it was pulled. The closet was pitch black and she

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fumbled around the walls for a light switch until a metal string hit her in the forehead. She pulled the string, and the tiny room was illuminated dimly. Dust covered every inch of what appeared to be a small pantry, and old books and a typewriter took up most of the space on the shelves. Chava turned around the room, searching every crevice. In the corner, several boxes were piled high, but Chava thought she saw something sparkling behind them. She moved each box to the center of the room, to reveal what the sparkling something might be. When she turned back, she was facing the same wedding dress she had seen in the picture, covered in a plastic dress sleeve, hanging from a rusty metal bar. She blinked rapidly, and then rushed forward to grasp the gown in her hands. Behind it hung the white robe she had seen in the picture, also covered in plastic. She ran her fingers over the delicate lace embroidered over the collar. Chava pulled the gown from its sleeve and removed

it from the hanger. Now oblivious to the dust, she sat on the floor as the white satin, slightly yellowed on the bottom from age, flowed through her fingers and pooled in her lap. The gown was breathtaking — the embroidery exquisite and the pearl details were still sparkling. She examined every inch of it and held it to her face, thinking that maybe she could smell something, sense something. It was cool to the touch. After a long while she stood and returned the dress to its original place. She felt a connection to the dress. It was a testament that everything she had seen and discovered in the last few days was real, tangible, here for the taking. Chava began to pile the boxes back in front of the dress, feeling a strange calm. Just knowing that she wasn’t crazy was a good first step. As she was moving the second box back in its place, she noticed the black hat from the picture sitting at the top. Its crown was crushed, presumably by the weight

Rabbi Daniel Glanz

of the third box, but Chava recognized it nonetheless. She touched the soft velvet of the brim and reached her hand out towards the satin ribbon around the base of the crown. As she did, a much softer material brushed her wrist. She stepped closer to the box and dug underneath the hat. She grasped something and withdrew it from the box, pulling it into the light so she could see it better. It was a velvet bag, its embroidered gold design faded with age. The top zipper was open, and Chava dumped out the contents. Two leather boxes with long leather strings fell out into the cardboard box. Having no idea what they were, Chava continued to shake out the bag, hoping to find something else. A small piece of paper fluttered down on top of them. She picked it up. "To Yaakov," it said. "With all my love." Chava quickly stuffed the note back into the bag, her hands shaking. That was her mother’s handwriting. And she knew her father’s name

wasn’t Yaakov. All her calm had suddenly dissolved into a cold, clammy sickness in her stomach. Early the next morning, Chava tiptoed out of her room. Despite the fact that they left for work together, Chava’s mother usually woke up first and put up the coffee, and her father woke up right before they needed to leave. After finding the boxes in the basement the day before, Chava had stayed up all night thinking about how she should approach the question, and she decided that it would be better to talk to her mother alone. Chava peaked her head around the corner of the living room, following the smell of coffee, and saw her mother sitting there eating a bagel and drinking her coffee while reading The Wall Street Journal. Chava took a deep breath and stepped into the room. Her mother looked up at her over the rims of her glasses, but didn’t put down the paper. “Morning, Ava,” she said.

Chava took a seat a few cushions away from her so that they could face each other. Her mother looked over at her again. “You’re up early,” she said. Chava nodded. Her mother kept looking at her, and finally rested her paper down on her knees. “Is something the matter?” Chava swallowed once. “I just wanted to—ask you about something.” Her mother raised her eyebrows. Chava was silent. Her palms were sweating and she felt cold and clammy all over again. “Ava?” “Um — I just —” “What’s wrong?” “What’s a chuppah?” Chava’s mother stared at her. The words had come out all wrong, but Chava stood her ground, looking back into her mother’s gaze and trying not to look as scared as she felt. “A what?” Her mother asked. “A — a chuppah?” Chava’s mother took her paper back into her hands. “It’s a Jewish wedding canopy,” she said. She brought

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Table of Contents

the paper higher and closer to her face so that Chava could barely see her. “But —” “What’s this about, Ava?” “But I saw—” “Did you see this on TV somewhere?” “I found a picture of you,” Chava said. The paper fluttered to her mother’s lap. “What picture?” “A — a picture.” Chava gripped the edge of the couch as tightly as she could, willing herself to stay calm and collected. “Of you and Dad. Under a chuppah.” Chava’s mother’s eyes narrowed. “Did you?” “It was for this art class I started with Evie. I was just looking through Grandpa’s pictures to find something for class, and I found this frame, and it had you and dad, and I was just—I was confused.” There was silence in the wake of her rant. Chava’s mother took off her glasses and slowly cleaned each frame before replacing them. “We did have a chuppah, as

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you can see in the picture.” “But, I’ve never even heard of a chuppah before. Why did you have one?” “We had one,” her mother said. “A lot of people have them.” “I found your dress.” This time her mother’s cheeks turned pink. “Have you been spying around the whole house, Ava?” “Is there anything I’m not supposed to find?” Chava bit her tongue, but the words were already out. Chava’s mother stood and collected her coffee mug. “The dress is old and I need to get rid of it.” She brought her mug into the kitchen, and Chava jumped up to follow her. “It’s beautiful. I don’t know why you never showed it to me.” “It’s old,” her mother said, turning on the sink to wash her mug. “All that stuff is old and needs to be thrown out.” Chava hesitated. The dress, the robe, the hat—all of those things she felt she could talk about. But the one thing she

really needed to ask about— the note to the mystery man—she couldn’t force out. “I’ve never seen you and Dad dressed like that,” Chava said. She thought back to what Henry had told her. “Was it a very traditional ceremony?” “It’s not important,” her mother said. Chava watched her mother dry her hands on the kitchen towel, and her wedding ring sparkled in the light. “Who is Yaakov?” She said. Chava’s mother slapped down the towel. “Ava—listen to me. Times change. People change. Whatever you think you saw in that picture, whatever you found down there—forget about it. It’s old history, and there is a reason we never talked to you about it. It doesn’t matter.” Her mother swept away from the kitchen, leaving her mug unwashed, and her daughter with more questions than she could possibly answer. to be continued...

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Shabbos Halacha

Toys and Games on Shabbos 3 (Koseiv and Mocheik)

With the incredible variety of toys and different ways that they work and are played with, inevitably Shabbos questions arise. We will try to tackle as many of the questions and possible problems that we can. Here are some of the questions that arise: Does the melacha of writing only apply to writing words? Absolutely not, any word or image that you create on Shabbos is forbidden. I heard that you only transgress the melacha of writing on Shabbos if the writing is permanent. If that is true, can my kids play with an Etch-aSketch on Shabbos? No. While it is true that you transgress the melacha of writing Biblically only with permanent writing, chazal forbid temporary writing as well. So, Etch-a-Sketch, Magna-Doodle and the like are all forbidden to play with on Shabbos. Both writing on, and erasing a picture that is

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already on it, is forbidden. Is putting together a puzzle a problem? After all, I am not actually writing anything, Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m just putting together pieces that already have writing on them. That is true, but since by putting the pieces together you are forming a picture, that would be considered koseiv. Is playing Scrabble a problem of koseiv since I am forming words? No. Rearranging letters and putting them together temporarily is no problem. However, if you had the deluxe edition of Scrabble where the pieces

are affixed to the board, then it would be a problem. So, I can play Scrabble? Well, there is one other concern; that since when you play with it during the week you always keep score by writing down the score, it may be problematic in that it could lead to accidental writing. A Rav should be consulted. What is the difference between forming the words in scrabble and forming the picture of a puzzle? With the puzzle the problem is that you are attaching the pieces to each other to form the picture. Not so with Scrabble, where even though

Rabbi Zecharia Steinman

The Melachos of Writing/Erasing.

you are making a word, you are not attaching the letters to each other or attaching them to the board, and therefore it is not considered writing on Shabbos. We have magnetic letters on our fridge. Is it a problem to arrange the letters to spell something out on Shabbos?

In this issue, we introduce two interconnected melachos; Koseiv and Mocheik (Writing/Erasing). The melacha of koseiv is defined as making any type of mark or image that has significance. It makes no difference what you write with, how you write it, or what you write it on; creating any meaningful symbol falls under the category of koseiv. . For example, it is very common for people passing by a dusty car to write â&#x20AC;&#x153;clean meâ&#x20AC;? out of the dust. That would be a problem on Shabbos. So would doing a puzzle on Shabbos; it creates a picture and is therefore forbidden because of the melacha of writing. Koseiv can even be accomplished by erasing; if you would erase something to create something new out of what was erased, like erasing part of a w to create a v. Koseiv has many implications. We will go through some examples. The rule of thumb is that anything that would have been a problem to create due to koseiv, is forbidden to erase because of mocheik. Meaning, just like you need to make a significant word or image to transgress the melacha of writing on Shabbos, you need to erase a significant word or image to transgress the melacha of erasing. (With a few exceptionsâ&#x20AC;Śof course)

Yes, to affix anything together and form a significant image, even if it is only temporary, is forbidden.

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Yaakov Grossman

I Just wanted cake

’sheis. That’s right, N’sheis. I am completely and entirely jealous of women and their N’shei gatherings. I mean, think about it. Once a month my wife gets to go out at night and leave me with the kids to go have a party with all of her friends. They’ll have tons of delicious food there, and many times they’ll even have some kind of entertainment, like playing games or a comedian will perform. (Sometimes there’s a speaker but I guess you can’t win em’ all.) At first I was very excited about my wife going to the N’shei (even if it meant babysitting). I came home that day to the smell of delicious

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cake and hurried excitedly towards the kitchen, opened the oven to take a peek inside and was quickly warned that the cake was only and exclusively for the N’shei event that evening. Bummer. Well, it’s okay I thought, because there are probably going to be another twenty women baking for this event and my wife is gonna come home with a smorgasbord full of treats! And then she came home empty-handed. The ensuing conversation went something like this: “Where are the goods?” “Sorry, I couldn’t bring anything home for you.” “Why not, did you guys finish everything?” “Oh, no way, hardly anyone touched anything. It was all so fattening — we wouldn’t go

near that stuff.” “So what’s the problem?” “I can’t walk out of there with a tray full of cake and cookies for you, it’s so embarrassing!” Very, very disappointing. She wouldn’t even hear my idea of slipping some into her pocketbook, I mean, come on! That thing is like a bottomless pit — it fits everything! Do they have a cake detector at the exit so no one sneaks anything out? Nothing could budge her. And then it hit me, Isheis! That’s right N’sheis for men. Why should they be the only ones able to hang out with their friends once a month? The wives could bake for us and I could get a comedian to perform for us (I know a really funny guy). Pure genius. But for some reason not everyone saw the genius of my plan.

First, the friends I called about the idea grumbled something about it being really weird and hung up. Then I didn’t get any phone calls in response to the signs I hung up around the neighborhood. What clinched it was that my wife (and according to her, everyone else’s wife) was not willing to bake for my Ishei. Back to the drawing board. Finally I came up with my master plan. Host the N’shei by our place!! Perfect. First of all, I won’t be able to babysit since I have to leave the house because all these women are coming over. Second, all of them will bring their baked goods straight into my house and after no one eats them I will be left with enough cake to indulge to my heart’s desire! I promptly told my wife that

At first I was very excited about my wife going to the N’shei (even if it meant babysitting)

I think it would be a great idea to host the next N’shei by us, and I would even be willing to help clean and set up for the event. My wife was very touched that I was willing to be so supportive of her N’shei. (This plan just kept getting better and better.) And then I got the phone call… “Who do you think you are?” the man asked in an annoyed tone.

“I’m sorry, who is this?” “This is the husband of the woman who always hosts the N’shei. How dare you try to take over the N’shei, those cakes are mine!” Wow, I had not expected that. But we spoke it out and I convinced him that I meant no harm, and hadn’t realized he had already staked claims to the N’shei. We came to an agreement that if I stay out of it and don’t contest his rights to host the event, I can come over after and take one slice from each cake. Well, that was a lot of hard work and in the end I definitely came out with some spoils for my effort, but I must admit that I still have my heart set on one day hosting the very first Ishei event.

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