BaystateParent MASSACHUSETTS’
PREMIER MAGAZINE FOR FAMILIES SINCE 1996
JULY 2021 | PRICELESS
+
Tending to Little Kids’ Mental Health What to Know About Paid Family Leave 2021 Berry Picking Guide
Helping Kids Reengage Post-Pandemic
Reconnecting
Maternal care that centers on you. Receive expert care, support and attention from nationally recognized physicians and staff
heywood.org WM-0000461686-01
2 | JULY 2021 | BayStateParent
242 Green Street, Gardner, MA 01440
978-630-6228
contents Table of
July 2021
volume 25
number 15
in every issue 5 5 6 7
Editor’s note
8 23
Herding Goofballs
DIY your own star spangled windsock
Finally Forever Good to Know DIY: Star Spangled Wind Sock Take Five: Karen Alpert
on the agenda 16
July Adventures: 11 Things To Do with The Kids
18
The List: Pick-Your-Own Berry Farms
bites 20
Nutrition: Sesame Now a Top Allergy
21
Goose's Goodies: Frozen Yogurt Bark
features
12
22
Focusing on Babies' and Toddlers' Mental Health
Scaffold Parenting Could be the Key in Helping Kids Post-Pandemic
14
What to Know About Family Paid Medical Leave
BayStateParent | JULY 2021 | 3
Move your personal and business credit card debt in the right direction
4.99
%
APR*
P R O M O T I O N A L R AT E ON BALANCE TRANSFERS
N O ANNUAL FEE 2023 FIXED RATE UNTIL JANUARY
NO
BALANCE TRANSFER
FEE
BaystateParent Executive editor Dave Nordman
CREATIVE Editor in chief Amanda Collins Bernier
Designer Kayla Filion
ADVERTISING Sales manager Brittany Prendiville 774-420-4095 bprendiville@localiq.com
Account executive Kathy Puffer 508-767-9544 kpuffer@localiq.com Account executive Regina Stillings 508-767-9546 rstillings@localiq.com baystateparent is published monthly and is distributed free of charge throughout Massachusetts. 100 Front Street, 5th Floor Worcester, MA 01608 Do you have a story idea? We want to hear from you! Email your suggestion to acollins@gatehousemedia.com
ONLINE baystateparent.com
FACEBOOK baystateparent magazine
centralfcu.com/transferpromo
800-527-1017 *Annual percentage rate. 4.99% APR promotional fixed rate valid through 1/17/23 on transfers made between 4/1/21 through 7/31/21, then a variable rate as low as 8.99% on Visa Diamond and Visa Diamond Plus Cash cards, as low as 9.99% for Business Solutions Visa cards (as of 3/16/2021) based on creditworthiness. Additional terms and conditions apply. Program, rates, terms may change without notice. Valid until 7/31/21. Call 800-527-1017 or go to www.centralfcu.com/transferpromo for details.
4 | JULY 2021 | BayStateParent
2020
editor’s note
F
inally, we were invited to a birthday party. My cousin’s son was turning 6, and unlike last year’s drive-by birthday parade, this year’s celebration would be in-person, with burgers and hot dogs and cake and hugs. It was a little piece of normal we’d been waiting for, but as exciting as that fi rst invitation was, it also brought some unexpected unease. Was it really OK? For some reason, getting back to our normal social life felt both relieving and unnerving. Turns out, it’s a common reaction as we emerge from our pandemic bubble. According to a study by the American Psychological Association, nearly half of Americans — both vaccinated and unvaccinated — said they feel uneasy about adjusting to in-person
interactions once the pandemic ends. And what about our kids, who have spent the last 15 months with limited socialization? Sure, many of them are thrilled to get back together with friends and rejoin activities, but what about those who aren’t? How can we help ease them back into life inperson? According to Dr. Harold S. Koplewicz, president of the
July’s Child: Meet Zuleika
Child Mind Institute, this moment in time calls for what he’s dubbed “scaff old parenting.” As he writes on page 23,
FINALLY
forever
Hi! My name is Zuleika and I want to be a singer when I grow up! Zuleika, 13, is an active, intelligent, and inquisitive girl of Hispanic descent. Her favorite activities include playing with dolls, doing arts and crafts, singing, and dancing. She also enjoys imaginary play. In her current foster home, Zuleika is known to be friendly, mature, and a good helper. She also loves to play with the family dog. Zuleika hopes to be a singer when she grows up. Zuleika enjoys going to school. While she sometimes needs prompting from adults to do her homework, she does well academically once she puts her mind to it. Zuleika will do best in a family consisting of a male and female parent, two
female parents, or a single female parent. Her social worker is open to families with no other children or with children who are older than Zuleika. Zuleika is legally freed for adoption. Can you provide the guidance, love and stability that a child needs? If you’re at least 18 years old, have a stable source of income, and room in your heart, you may be a perfect match to adopt a waiting child. Adoptive parents can be single, married, or partnered; experienced or not; renters or homeowners; LGBTQ singles and couples. The process to adopt a child from foster care requires training, interviews, and home visits to deter-
mine if adoption is right for you, and if so, to help connect you with a child or sibling group that your family will be a good match for. To learn more about adoption from foster care, call the Massachusetts Adoption Resource Exchange (MARE) at (617) 964-6273 or visit www.mareinc.org.
“The metaphor is that the child is the ‘building,’ and the parents are the scaff old around it, the framework that guides and protects as the child rises and grows.” We should off er support and structure, but ultimately let them grow through this time themselves. We also take a look in this issue at helping the littlest kids through this transition. Research shows preschoolers, and even babies, can experience depression and anxiety. Writer Alia Dastagir shares expert tips for tending to the mental health of the youngest children on page 12.
On another note, the state’s new Paid Family and Medical Leave program goes fully into eff ect this month. Whether you’re having a baby, experiencing illness, or caring for a family member, you should know how this program works. Learn the ins and outs on page 14. And as always, if you’re looking for things to do -- in person -- we’ve got you covered. Check out the On the Agenda section on page 16 for fun events and activities this July. Here’s to getting back out there! Amanda
MEDICAL ADVICE WHEN YOU ARE ON THE GO. DOWNLOAD OUR FREE SYMPTOM CHECKER APP TODAY! Our Health eCheck app helps you make decisions on what type of medical care is needed when your child falls off their bike or has a persistant cough. Search from a list of symptoms or by body area.
BayStateParent | JULY 2021 | 5
GOOD TO
know
x Where’s the best place to raise your family? Look no further than your own backyard.
Museums across America are offering free admission to active-duty military personnel and their families this summer. The Blue Star Museum program runs through Labor Day, Monday, Sept. 6. More than 2,000 museums across America participate in Blue Star Museums each summer. These include children’s museums, art museums, history and science museums, zoos, and nature centers. Locally, Blue Star families can visit: h Old Sturbridge Village, Sturbridge h Massachusetts State Police Museum and Learning Center, South Grafton h Ecotarium, Worcester h Worcester Art Museum, Worcester h Museum of Russian Icons, Clinton h Discovery Museum, Acton h Children’s Museum of Easton, Easton h Museum of Fine Arts, Boston h Institute of Contemporary Art, Boston h USS Constitution Museum, Charlestown h Springfield Museums, Springfield h Providence Children’s Museum, Providence You can find all participating museums at arts.gov/bluestarmuseums.
6 | JULY 2021 | BayStateParent
y Kids can read free e-books and attend virtual events with award-winning authors through the free Scholastic Summer Reading Program. Now through Sept. 3, children can visit the Summer Zone in Scholastic Home Base (scholastic.com/homebase), a free digital destination which offers stories, characters, games, and a community of readers. Home Base is moderated for safety 24/7. They can read select, full e-books and watch author read-alouds, meet their favorite characters and engage with authors in special virtual events, and print reading achievement reports to share with their parents or educators. To learn more, visit scholastic.com/summer.
Mattel PlayBack will recover and reuse the materials from the old toys that families send to the company for future Mattel products. There’s no cost for consumers to participate, and the recycling program will initially accept Barbie, Matchbox and Mega toys. Other Mattel brands are likely to be added. “Mattel toys are made to last and be passed on from generation to generation,” Mattel President and Chief Operating Officer Richard Dickson said in a statement. The company is innovating by finding sustainable solutions. “Our Mattel PlayBack program is a great example of this, enabling us to turn materials from toys that have lived their useful life into recycled materials for new products.” For materials that cannot be repurposed as recycled content in new toys, Mattel said it will either downcycle them or convert them from waste to energy. So how does Mattel PlayBack work? Go to Mattel.com/PlayBack to print a free shipping label, then pack and mail outgrown Mattel toys back to Mattel. Consumers without computers or printers can request a shipping label over the phone by calling 800-524-8697. The collected toys will be sorted and separated by material type before being processed and recycled, the company said. Toys not eligible for the recycling program, including non-Mattel brands, that are in good condition can still get a new life and stay out of landfills by being passed on to friends or donated to charities.
PHOTOS BY GETTY IMAGES
Massachusetts is 2021’s Best State to Raise a Family in America, according to a new report by WalletHub. The personal finance website compared all 50 states using what they called “five key dimensions” – family fun, health and safety, education and child care, affordability and socio-economics. The Bay State came out on top, followed by Minnesota, North Dakota and New York.
x Mattel has a way for families to extend the life of these unused and outgrown toys – and keep them out of the landfill – with the launch of a new toy takeback program.
DIY
STAR SPANGLED windsock
How to make it
Amanda Collins Bernier
Recycle a tin can to make this festive windsock, perfect for the Fourth of July.
What you need - Tin can (top and bottom removed) - Blue paint - White paint - Red ribbon - White ribbon - Twine
Rinse out the tin can and remove the label. Dry well. Paint the outside of the can blue, then allow to completely dry.
Add white stars after blue paint has dried.
Using a fi ne paintbrush, paint white stars around the outside of the can. Allow to dry. Working a couple inches at a time, pipe hot glue along the bottom interior of the can. Glue on ribbons, alternating red and white. Keep going until you make your way all the way around the can.
Glue red and white ribbon inside the bottom of the can.
Using a dot of hot glue, attach twine inside the top of the can.
- Hot glue gun - Paintbrushes
Celebrate independence day! July 2–4 Take part in a socially distanced citizens’ parade, watch cannon and musket demonstrations, be inspired by a naturalization ceremony, and observe the reading of the Declaration of Independence by our costumed historians. Sponsored by:
July 10, 6-8:30 PM Stroll through our scenic campus, and listen to live music. Tickets for all events at WWW.OSV.ORG
BayStateParent | JULY 2021 | 7
HERDING
goofballs
somewhere roughly between shortstop and third base. Me: “Hey there, nice sand castle, but want to get ready for the next inning?” Him: “It’s a sand fort,” he said with every last ounce of condescension in his body. And the sand continued to pile up.
Distract to attract attention
Hitting the tees Josh Farnsworth
I stood there in the shallow grass, watching the chaos around me take place. Yes, I signed up to be here. Yes, I naively thought I had seen it all on this subject, but was swiftly reminded of the unpredictable nature of where I was. This is not for the weak of heart. This is instructional league tee-ball. I took a role as an assistant coach on my sons’ team this season. It was their fi rst foray into organized baseball (although, every time I called what they were doing “baseball”, I was immediately corrected by my kids that it was “tee-ball” like a pair of ruthless English teachers who had just heard careless grammar). The league was also the fi rst postpandemic, in-person activity my kids took part in beyond the friendly walls that hold up our house. As an assistant coach, I had a few responsibilities, including asking the kids to not kick
the infi eld sand, help the kids warm up, position them in the fi eld at certain spots, ask them again to not kick the sand, help kids struggling to swing the bat on how to hold it and where to stand. And, fi nally, contain my anguish as the kids ignore me for a 43rd time to stop kicking the infi eld sand. For most of the game, I am parked somewhere out in the fi eld to observe and help the kids either run to the next base or encourage kids to stop picking fl owers long enough to grab the ball rolling by their feet. Best seat in the house. I defy anyone to go to Fenway Park and demand to stand in shallow right fi eld all game. It’s a great vantage point. It gave me unprecedented access to the highlights from team members and opponents alike. It also gave me time to gather enough tee-ball knowledge to pass on a quick tutorial to all you parents thinking about getting your sons and daughters involved in base-
8 | JULY 2021 | BayStateParent
ball. My kids in unison: Tee-ball! My bad.
Respect the personalities You will never meet a more entertaining crew in your life than a group of 4- to 7-yearolds brought together in what is for some, tee-ball shirts that drape down to their ankles like an evening gown. And ohhh the conversations you’ll have. You will learn more about what these kids ate for dinner right before the game, what shows they think are AWESOME and one kid on an opponent’s team who gave me a game-long description of his pet iguana, Walter. Forget teaching how to round the bases, spend a few minutes learning about the lizard’s diet and you’ll make a kid’s summer. For the record, lots of green vegetables. My favorite interaction was with one young man, who was spending most of his time building a mound of sand
For those just getting into very young, youth coaching, there are two complimentary rules to learn right away: 1. The kids will ignore 95% of what you say 2. Don’t take it personal They are just distracted. Always. A 2021 attention span on a kid is about as quick as a 100mile per hour fastball. Don’t try to fi ght the distractions, because everything is a distraction... The wind. The traffi c driving by. The kids’ younger siblings running around in the outfi eld. And you. Yes, you will be a distraction. The key? You need to distract them. For instance, if all the kids playing in the fi eld are more interested in watching everything but the ball, tell them your eyesight is bad and can’t tell what color the player’s bat is.
Snacks are everything Bring them or face childsized consequences. The league failed to secure these players lucrative contracts that other professional ball clubs enjoy. Luckily, a snack-sized bag of cheese-fl avored chips seems to be enough compensation...for now. If you have only one takeaway it is this: bring snacks and there will be peace on the baseball diamond. Kids in unison: the “tee-ball diamond.” Ahhh! I know, I know kids.
The fi nal lesson There is a part of me that selfi shly wanted to help take all these kids under my tutelage and have them leave two months later as genuine baseball-loving junkies. Kids in unison: Dad! You mean… Me: No. I don’t. Baseball, baseball, baseball. There! You won’t be victorious carrying off a large trophy or igniting a fervent passion for the game. All the incentives are in the small things. My youngest gained more confi dence being on a team. My oldest showed some small leadership-y skills in demonstrating what the head coach wanted when others wouldn’t at fi rst. One kid nearly fl oated to fi rst base, completely bewildered he could fi nally hit a ball by himself after weeks of practicing a certain swing. I overheard another say it wasn’t as good as video games, but, it was “actually more fun to be outside than I thought.” I’ll take it. Plus, all of them went from strangers to cheering each other on in two short months. The greatest lesson - other than the snack thing, of course - is giving these kids your time and giving others a boost of confi dence. That’s the soul of youth sports. So, if you have any inklings of becoming a coach - even an assistant - it is worth it. And you’ll have the best seat in the house. I hope you fi nd my beginner’s guide somewhat helpful. You’ll be paid in those small victories and feel like you owe someone change. Because the best moments are built giving time and confi dence to the next generation as they toil in the over-kicked sand with new friends. Have a great summer, and if you’re reading this somewhere, Walter, I hope you are eating the greenest of vegetables.
Josh Farnsworth is a husband, father of goofballs Cooper and Milo, goofball himself, and award-winning writer and columnist living in Worcester. He can be reached for column ideas at josh.farnsworth@yahoo.com.
BayStateParent | JULY 2021 | 9
VERY
special people What my son with special needs taught me about
friendship Sara Korber-DeWeerd
A
necdotal evidence and studies concur: one of the toughest aspects of the pandemic has been limited close contact with friends and family. This is especially true for kids with disabilities, who are often some of the most
popular kids at school, but experience more limited peer interaction outside of school.
e bsit ars r we semin u o t g Visi comin p u r fo
In March 2020, my kids’ peer interactions dropped from seven hours a day to almost zero. Overnight. It was traumatic for each of them. Now, as more people receive vaccinations, weather warms, and activities resume, their world has thankfully expanded again. Still, I’ve spent many hours worrying about my fourth-grade son, in particular. Grade 4 is a year when many kids start building long-lasting peer bonds. My son also has Down syndrome. His developmental delays sometimes complicate his ability to navigate friendship. So even as our world opened again, my routine fretting about the lack of social opportunities for our family extrovert weren’t in-
stantly eased. If anything, my mind went into overdrive, devising ways to fi ll his summer with all the experiences and people he’s been missing. Relax, I have had to remind myself. Go easy. Give it time. In my impatience, I was missing something beautiful unfold before me. As things have reopened and grown safer these last couple of months, I’ve witnessed my son’s mood, behavior, and sleep improve. What I couldn’t fi gure out was, why? With few interruptions, he enjoyed in-person school all year. It’s not as if playdates have increased signifi cantly, because most kids are not vaccinated yet. Who or what, then, was helping my son to emerge from under his cloud?
We’re Here to Help Whether your loved one with special needs is an adult or a child, we can help with:
• Special Needs Planning • Advocacy
• Transition Planning & Adult Services • Guardianship & Alternatives
Contact Meredith H. Greene, Esq. at mgreene@fletchertilton.com
Photography by Sam Montanez, an artist living with autism and Asperger syndrome
10 | JULY 2021 | BayStateParent
WORCESTER | FRAMINGHAM | BOSTON | CAPE COD | PROVIDENCE 508.459.8000 | FletcherTilton.com
Recently, in the middle of my usual Monday morning hustle and fi rst-dayof-the-week scheduling frenzy, it hit me. My defi nition of friend has been all wrong. My son is surrounded by friends again. I just couldn’t see it. I was looking for boys his age who like what he likes. I didn’t realize my son’s defi nition of a friend is far broader than mine. One of his best friends lives down the road from us. She’s eight. She goes to a diff erent school. But her mom and I went to college together and were roommates our fi rst year of teaching. Our two kids make an unlikely pair. She loves Barbies; he loves baseball. It turns out they both play a mean game of cricket. Watching their relationship grow this past year has taught me how narrow my defi nition of friendship has been. My friend’s daughter is the perfect friend. She’s intuitive, just like my son. She’s a careful decision maker, an infl uence he needs in his life. She’s patient, something required when he gets frustrated or acts on impulse. She’s incredibly imaginative, just like him. How could I have missed all the signs of this beautiful relationship that probably grew because of the pandemic, because we were home more often and our families were part of the same “pod”? As I watch the ways reconnecting
My 10-year-old with Down syndrome has plenty of friends, because his understanding of who a friend can be is far more inclusive than my own. GETTY IMAGES
with familiar faces thrills him, I’m learning just who my son’s friends are. There’s our school custodian. They have a running joke where they call each other the wrong names and laugh about it every time. There’s a family friend and colleague from the school where my husband and I teach, who shares our son’s exuberance for life. And then there are the handful of families in our close-knit friend group that have kept seeing each other outdoors in all kinds of weather. My little guy is friends with all of them—not just the
kids, but the teens and adults, too. Even at home, my son has some pretty great buddies. He and I love to cook and play sports together. He loves playing imaginary games with his sisters. He loves helping Dad with projects and playing ping pong before bed. He loves snuggling the dog on a sunny square of the deck, and slipping his furry pal morsels of food when he thinks no one is looking. And we can’t leave out our very large extended families who we will fi nally be able to visit again this summer.
As I thought about all of this the other day, I realized how limited my defi nition of friendship has been. So much so, that I missed what was right in front of me even before the pandemic. My 10year-old with Down syndrome has plenty of friends, because his understanding of who a friend can be is far more inclusive than my own. To him, a friend is simply a person you share something with—a common interest, a regular laugh, or even just time in one another’s presence. Age, gender, and ability have little to do with what makes someone a friend. Never hemmed in by convention, my son’s world is far richer than I recognized. That doesn’t mean the challenges of navigating peer relationships are over. Those remain much the same as they were before the pandemic hit us; the interruptions in school and social life mean my son is still working on a lot the same soft skills he was a year ago. Still, as I paused that Monday to consider all this, I felt a weight lift. I could at least lay the self-created part of my burden down. Maybe I could even let my son’s understanding of friendship inform my own relationships. The pause. The deep breath. The wash of gratitude that often comes when I’m relieved to be wrong. And this: Friendship is more than I imagined it could be.
Check out our great Summer and Year Round SPECIALS Don’t just join a gym, join a community! • Outdoor & Indoor Pool • Full Fitness Center • Weekly In/Outdoor Classes • Preschool/After School Programs • Sports, Swim, Summer Camp • Active Adult Programs • Join Now First/Last Month Free!* * Special requires 12 month membership
A+ Covid Safety Protocols Website QR Code
WM-0000470630-01
The JCC is a great mix of friends from all backgrounds, cultures and ages! 633 Salisbury St., Worcester, MA • worcesterjcc.org • 508.756.7109 Contact: Monica Maher, Membership Director x 236, mmaher@worcesterjcc.org BayStateParent | JULY 2021 | 11
feature Pay attention to kids’
mental health Alia E. Dastagir
W
hen many people think of babies, they think of joy. We visualize the youngest years as a
whimsical time marked by lightheartedness and wonder. But experts in infant and early childhood mental health say from birth to 3 years old, children are capable of a range of deep and intense emotions, including sadness, grief and anger, and just as their caregivers, are susceptible to mental health challenges.
“We shouldn’t think of kids who are 0 to 3 as impervious to major stressors in the family,” said Dr. Jamie Howard, a senior clinical psychologist at the Child Mind Institute. “The diagnostic criteria for something like a depressive disorder of early childhood is going to be based much more on behavior and observable characteristics because young children can’t tell us, ‘Yeah, I’m having feelings of worthlessness.’ They have no metacognition, which is the ability to think about their thoughts. So it’s very, very behavioral.” Mental health disorders in children can change the way they
learn, behave and cope with feelings and can make it diffi cult for them to get through their day, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Research shows preschoolers and even babies can experience depression and anxiety. Children are resilient, especially when they have a supportive caregiver. But it also is true that the early years are a pivotal time for development, and a young child’s emotional well-being can aff ect their health later in life. Early emotional experiences become embedded in the architecture of children’s brains. It’s why experts say it’s important caregivers recognize that just as adults need their mental health tended to, so do children. “Studies show roughly 9.5% to 14% of children from birth to age 5 may have emotional challenges that are signifi cant enough to be called mental health disorders,”
“
More than getting too caught up in specific diagnoses, what I would recommend is that parents monitor milestones and behavior.” Jamie Howard
a senior clinical psychologist at the Child Mind Institute
GETTY IMAGES
12 | JULY 2021 | BayStateParent
said Jennifer Boss, director of infant and early childhood mental health coordination and strategy at Zero to Three. “Typically, the fi rst people to recognize that something seems off are parents. They are the ones who notice that distress.” Experts say parents should be sensitive to their children’s emotions, but they also caution against excessive worry. “There’s so much important brain growth and development happening, so we want to make sure that we address young children’s needs. That said, you don’t have to be perfect. Stress happens. I don’t want parents to feel racked with guilt and worry,” Howard said. “If you’re cuddling your child and feeding them and getting them to sleep and getting them on a routine, you’re doing a good job.”
Signs parents should look for To gauge a child’s mental health, Howard recommends parents monitor milestones (the CDC has a comprehensive guide) and behavior. Infants should be physically growing and emotionally connecting. As they get older, Howard said there are four major categories of developmental milestones to watch: expressive language (developing words), receptive language (understanding what a person is saying), gross motor (sitting up), and fi ne motor (picking something up). If you’re wondering if your child is meeting milestones and online resources don’t suffi ce, check in with your pediatrician. The most important thing experts say caregivers should look out for are behavioral changes. Caregivers know their babies intimately. They know the foods they like, the way their baby sleeps, the sounds their babies make, their various cries and what they mean.
“Parents know a lot, and they can feel secure in trusting themselves to recognize when something doesn’t feel right,” Boss said. When a child is born physically or developmentally compromised, it can make it even harder for parents to read cues and understand their child’s behavior. Experts say in these cases it’s even more important to check in regularly with a health care provider.
If your child needs help If you’re concerned about your child, experts say the best thing you can do is talk to your pediatrician. They may recommend a specialist to do a more in-depth evaluation. There are steps you can take to off er extra nurturing at home. “Give hugs, sit closely, read books together, play, pet the family dog,” Howard said. “You want to notice what your child needs and give it to them. Because that’s attachment. Some kids are easy and some kids are not, but either way, the onus is on the parents to consistently meet the child’s needs. And during times of stress, they often have more needs.”
Take care of yourself, too Babies largely exist within their relationship with their primary caregiver. Howard said especially from 0 to 3 months, the most important person to monitor is not the baby, but the mom. Many experts note that a parent’s stress can trickle down to their child. “It’s much more common for mom to have postpartum anxiety and depression. And if she’s not equipped to consistently respond to the baby’s needs, that’s the biggest risk factor,” Howard said. “If a child has a healthy caregiver who’s doing his or her best, then they can cope with quite a lot.”
We’re Wide Open
Green by day, dark by night! Come explore our rivers, trails farms and iconic New England downtowns & villages Visit TheLastGreenValley.org or call 860-774-3300
National Heritage Corridor
Visit TheLastGreenValley.org or call 860-774-3300
What are you waiting for? Join the thousands of followers in more than 180 countries.
Follow the UMass Memorial Simply Well blog today:
www.umassmemorial.org/simplywell
BayStateParent | JULY 2021 | 13
feature
Here’s how
PAID FAMILY LEAVE works
GETTY IMAGES
N
Debbie LaPlaca
eed paid time off from work to bond with a new child, recover from a serious illness,
or tend to family matters while a spouse is deployed? The Massachusetts Paid Family and Medical Leave (PFML) is a state law that began off ering benefi ts for these circumstances in January.
GET YOUR SMILE BACK! DON’T SUFFER FROM BROKEN-DOWN OR MISSING TEETH! DENTAL IMPLANT* SPECIAL BEST DENTIST
INCLUDES CT SCAN, TITANIUM IMPLANT, CUSTOM ABUTMENT AND PORCELAIN CROWN
$
2,99999 * Exclusions Apply
FREE DENTAL IMPLANT CONSULT
($200 VALUE)
Dr. Salman Khanani 1084 Main St., Holden | khananidental.com |
@khananidental
*Some exclusions may apply: patient must be a candidate for dental implants and some patients may require comprehensive treatment plans to meet their individual needs. Special does not include the fee for extractions, bone grafts, sinus augmentation or the need for a surgical guide
Call 508-829-4575 to book your appointment today! WM-0000459252-01
Implant, Cosmetic and Family Dentistry
14 | JULY 2021 | BayStateParent
This month, the program expands to include paid time off to care for ailing family members. For parents, the program aff ords eligible workers the ability to stay home while earning what Brett Endaz called “a living wage” during the fi rst 12 weeks of welcoming a new child in the family. As a working professional, Endaz, of Shrewsbury, recently tapped into the PFML to take 12 weeks of family leave following the birth of her child. “I am so grateful for those three months,” she said. “I would have gotten six weeks paid from my employer. The diff erence between six weeks and 12 weeks was huge.” Endaz took the time to recover from delivery and to bond with her newborn without the worry of losing her job or the fi nancial burden of time off without pay. “Massachusetts put the money on the table. I have friends all over this county who were not aff orded the leave that I was,” Endaz said.
“My hope is that people utilize this legislation because they are entitled to it.” The PFML program is not just for new parents. If eligible, you may take up to 26 weeks per year of paid, jobprotected time off from work when you need it most. The state Department of Family and Medical Leave oversees the benefi t program available to full time, part time, self-employed, gig and seasonal workers. Starting on January 1, workers became eligible to receive paid time off to manage their own serious health condition, bond with a new child in the home, or manage aff airs while a family member is absent serving in active military duty. Starting in July, the benefi ts extended to workers who need to care for a family member with a serious health condition.
Where to start The fi rst step to receive benefi ts is to inform your employer of your need to take a family or medical leave. Once you do so, you may create a PFML account online and apply for most benefi ts by fi lling out the application found on mass.gov.
Benefi t time limits Benefi ts may be collected for up to 12 weeks per year for child family leave, up to 20 weeks of medical leave to care for yourself, and up to 26 combined weeks of family and medical leave.
Family leave defi ned One purpose for family leave is to care for a family member with a serious health condition. Qualifi ed family members include a spouse, domestic partner, parent, child, grandchild, grandparent and their siblings, legal guardians who raised you, and the parents of your spouse or domestic partner. Up to 26 weeks of family leave may also be taken to care for the health of family members who are, once were, or will be deployed by the military to a foreign county. The program also provides 12 weeks of family leave to manage the family aff airs of a person immediately after they are deployed. It also covers parents or legal guardians who wish to bond with a new child during the fi rst 12 months after a birth, adoption, or foster care placement. An expectant mother may also be eligible for benefi ts during pregnancy if a medical ailment that interferes with her ability to work is certifi ed by a health care provider.
like Alzheimer's disease, stroke, or terminal cancer; conditions due to pregnancy or post-birth recovery, and complications related to a diagnosis of COVID-19 that prevent you from working. Program eligibility terms call for certifi cation of a serious health condition by a health care provider in all instances.
Benefi t amount The amount of weekly benefi t pay varies according to
your average weekly wage at the time you apply. Your wage is compared to 50 percent of the average weekly wage for all Massachusetts workers. That average wage in 2020 was $1,487. If your average wage is less than or equal to 50 percent, or $743 in the 2020 example, the program will replace 80 percent your wage. If you earn greater than the $743 weekly, 50 percent of your wages will be replaced up to the maximum benefi t amount of $850 per week.
“
I am so grateful for those three months. I would have gotten six weeks paid from my employer. The difference between six weeks and 12 weeks was huge.”
Of note While employers are part of the claim approval process, they can reject your claim only
if you have already used the allowable amount of leave for the year, or if some portion of your claim is incorrect or fraudulent.
HELL ! We’re welcoming new pediatric patients in our Holden office!
Christina Stille, NP is welcoming new pediatric patients in Holden! Learn more about her at reliantmedicalgroup.org/holden
Serious health conditions Serious health conditions are defi ned as a physical or mental ailment that prevents you from doing your job for more than three full and consecutive calendar days. Serious health issues include chronic conditions like asthma or diabetes; permanent or long-term conditions
64 Boyden Road, Holden Call (508) 425-5857 to register as a patient. BayStateParent | JULY 2021 | 15
ON THE
agenda
JULY ADVENTURES:
11
fun things to do with the kids this month
v Sunset Family Owl Prowl
Saturdays, July 3 and 17 Tully Lake Campground Royalston Learn about the owls that breed in Massachusetts! Find out how to identify owls by call, where to fi nd them, and how owls can successfully hunt at night. Take your skills to the trail and listen for owls along Long Pond. After the walk, end with a bedtime story – “Owl Moon” by Jane Yolen. Don’t forget a fl ashlight! Members $6-$9; nonmembers $10-$15. Register at thetrustees.org. GETTY IMAGES
y Patriots’ Field Day with Dad
ASHLEY GREEN/ TELEGRAM & GAZETTE
x EcoTarium Reopening COURTESY PHOTO
x Boston Harborfest
Thursday, July 1 through Sunday, July 4 Various downtown locations - Boston With hundreds of activities over Independence Day weekend at Boston’s best landmarks, this family-friendly event is one of the country’s largest Fourth of July festivals. Activities include historical reenactments, Freedom Trail walks, boat tours, live entertainment, and more. Performances and roving enactors kick things off at Downtown Crossing on Thursday. Saturday, enjoy a classic car show, costumed entertainers and live music, then head over to the harbor to watch an patriotic-themed parade of creatively-decorated motorboats. On Independence Day, a parade will step off from City Hall Plaza and pass the Granary Burial Ground, where wreaths will be laid on the graves of patriots. The parade continues through Downtown Crossing to the Old State House for a reading of the Declaration of Independence from the balcony. For the full schedule of events, visit bostonharborfest.com.
w Summer Concerts with the Concord Band
GETTY IMAGES
Thursdays, July 1 and 8 Fruitlands Museum - Harvard Bring your blanket, lawn chairs and picnic basket to take in an outdoor concert and spectacular views. The Concord Band will treat concert-goers to a fun roster of timeless music, including pieces memorializing historic events, show tunes, holiday favorites and more. Picnic food, snacks, and beverages are available through pre-order with the Fruitlands Museum Cafe. Tickets are $10 for member adults and $15 for nonmembers, kids are free. Advance registration required at thetrustees.org.
16 | JULY 2021 | BayStateParent
Friday, July 9 EcoTarium - Worcester Check out two new exhibits to inspire passion for nature and science, the Tree Houses and Design Zone, at the reopening of indoor exhibits at Worcester’s leading science and nature museum. The summer featured Tree Houses exhibit teaches explorers how to become an environmental steward by hanging out in trees and how trees help sustain life on Earth. This indoor experience teaches the importance of sustainable logging, animal tracking, building, and much more. Design Zone, an interactive and creative exhibit, highlights the relationship between mathematical thinking and the creative process in art, music, and engineering. Design areas allow users to create and produce music, video games, and extreme sports. For tickets and more information, visit ecotarium.org.
Sunday, July 11 Gillette Stadium - Foxboro The New England Patriots Hall of Fame’s annual Field Day with Dad event takes place on the Gillette Stadium fi eld. The event will feature activities for kids and adults and include a photo opportunity with the Super Bowl LIII championship trophy (guests will use their own cameras). Enjoy balloon sculptures, caricature artists, and cheerleader and alumni appearances. Fans can test their readiness in NFL Scouting Combine drills, take advantage of other photo opportunities, play cornhole, or just play on the home fi eld of the six-time Super Bowl champions. Tickets are $30 for adults and $15 for children ages 5-12; under fi ve need a ticket but will not be charged. For more info and tickets, go to patriotshalloff ame.com.
COURTESY PHOTO
y Summer Friday Nights Free
Fridays through Sept. 3 Discovery Museum - Acton Enjoy free admission from 4:30-7:30 p.m. every Friday night this summer at the Discovery Museum, a hands-on museum that blends science, nature, and play. The museum and its Discovery Woods accessible outdoor nature playscape -- featuring a 550-square-foot treehouse -- blend the best of STEAM learning on a beautiful 4.5-acre campus abutting 180 acres of conservation land. Though not required for admission, visitors are encouraged to bring a non-perishable food donation, to be distributed to the Acton Food Pantry and Open Table. Advanced reservations will be required to visit the campus; for details visit discoveryacton.org.
y Kids’ Fishing Clinic
DISCOVERY MUSEUM
Saturdays in July Tully Lake Campground Royalston Join Campground Rangers to learn the basics of fi shing. Go on a short hike to the fi shing spot and learn how to set up your fi shing pole, basic casting techniques, fi sh identifi cation, and how to take a fi sh off the line. Fishing poles and bait will be provided. For children 12 and under, parent or guardian must be present. Member $5, nonmember $10, register at thetrustees.org.
CHRISTINE HOCHKEPPEL/T&G FILE
x Brimfi eld Flea Market and Antique Show
Tuesday July 13 through Sunday, July, 18 Route 20, Brimfi eld The largest of its kind in the country, this massive outdoor antique show and fl ea market welcomes over 100,000 shoppers each year. Roughly 6,000 antique and collectible dealers make annual pilgrimages here to sell wares ranging from furniture and garden treasures to folk art, vintage textiles, and just about everything else you can imagine. Browse 12 fi elds fi lled with rows and rows of tented booths. Children will love the sights and the food, and can even try their hand at haggling for a deal. More info is at brimfi eldantiquefl eamarket.com.
y Summer Thursday Evenings at Tower Hill
COURTESY PHOTO
x Boston Lights: A Lantern Experience
July 23 through Oct. 11 Franklin Park Zoo - Boston Boston Lights will once again illuminate Franklin Park Zoo with all new lanterns and lights. Experience the wonder of over 60 magnifi cent displays featuring hundreds of beautifully crafted lanterns spanning the zoo’s 72 acres. Walk through glowing corridors of lotus and sunfl owers, cranes and cherry blossoms, and a towering 87-foot-long Tyrannosaurus Rex tunnel. Luminous animal and ocean scenes, traditional Asian lantern displays, a stunning 164foot-long phoenix, and more will light up the night sky. Tickets are $21.95 for members, $19.95 non-members, or family four-packs for $62.95/ $72.95. Kids under 2 free. More details at zoonewengland.org.
Thursdays in July Tower Hill Botanic Garden - West Boylston Tower Hill Botanic Garden will be open for extended hours from 5-9 p.m. on Thursdays throughout July. Explore the gardens while enjoying live music, playing fun lawn games, and hiking our woodland trails. Enjoy food and drinks at the café, watch the sunset over the Wachusett Reservoir, and choose from a wide variety of scheduled programs for both children and adults. While you’re three, check out the new exhibit, Wild Hideaways, where you can explore a fantastical collection of interactive, outdoor hideaways inspired by art and nature, and custom designed by local landscape architects and artists. These creative pieces will transport visitors to a world full of imagination and adventure. Tickets are $16 for adults, $6 for kids, and children 5 and under are free. Reserve tickets at towerhillbg.org.
GETTY IMAGES
GETTY IMAGES
w Pizza Picnics on the Farm
THE TRUSTEES
Fridays in July Powisset Farm - Dover Spread out your blanket or sit at a picnic table to enjoy dinner against the backdrop of the beautiful farm fi elds and impending sunset. The al forno outdoor pizza oven going from 6-8 p.m. with a variety of farm-fresh pizzas. Craft beer and wine will also be available for sale. Listen to live music, take the kids for a StoryWalk along the trails, and take in the relaxed end-of-along-week farm vibe. Members $8, nonmembers $10. Advance tickets required, and available at thetrustees.org.
BayStateParent | JULY 2021 | 17
THE
list
Fresh Picks!
Area pick-your-own berry farms
B
erry season is here! Check out these area farms that offer the
chance to pick your own fruit. Check the website or call ahead before visiting, as crop availability is ever-changing and some farms require reservations.
Carlson Orchards
Derrick Farm
Elm Shade
115 Oak Hill Road, Harvard
301 Sanders Road, Oakham
1300 Richardson Rpad, Ashby
carlsonorchards.com
facebook.com/derrick blueberries
facebook.com/blueberries fromelmshadeenterprises
Chairs are provided if you’d like to sit and pick at this family-owned blueberry farm. Typically opens mid-July, call for opening day info and hours.
Find four varieties of PYO blueberries on over 700 bushes. Typically open Friday through Sunday, check ahead for season opening and hours.
Carver Hill Orchard
Doe Orchards
George Hill Orchards
101 Brookside Ave., Stow
327 Ayer Road, Harvard
carverhillorchard.com
doeorchards.com
582 George Lancaster
PYO season starts in July and runs through October. In the summer you’ll find blueberries, peaches, raspberries, cherries, and assorted vegetables.
PYO blueberries and raspberries or enjoy a selection of peaches, picked for you, and for sale at the stand.
PYO blueberries and raspberries at this family farm, which also features a frog pond, retail store and the Cider Barn Tap Room with house-made hard ciders.
Clearview Farm 4 Kendall Hill Road, Sterling clearviewfarmstand.com PYO strawberries, blueberries, peaches and raspberries at this farm set atop Kendall Hill, with a clear view of Mount Wachusett.
Douglas Orchard & Farm 36 Locust St., Douglas douglasorchardandfarm.com PYO blueberries starting in mid July. The farm grounds are open to walk around and get a sighting of their chickens and ducks, or enjoy live music (additional fee) on Saturday evenings this summer.
Hill
Road,
yourfavoritefarm.com Offering PYO blueberries, peaches, and raspberries in the summer. Check their Facebook page for details.
Gianetti’s U-Pick Blueberries 557 Union St., Franklin franklinblueberries.com Five varieties of high-bush blueberries make for easy picking. Follow their Facebook page for updates.
GETTY IMAGES
18 | JULY 2021 | BayStateParent
Hanson Farms
Odd Pine Farm
20 Nixon Road, Framingham
122 Ferin Road, Ashburnham
hansonfarms.50webs.com
oddpinefarmblueberries.com
Summer PYO offerings include flowers, blueberries and blackberries. Call ahead for hours.
This 5-acre blueberry farm will host its opening day on Thursday, July 29.
30 Marshall Road, Fitchburg hollishillsfarm.com This farm hosts live music, corn hole tournaments and has an ice cream and retail store. In the summer, you can pick your own flowers, strawberries, raspberries, peaches, blueberries and blackberries.
Howe’s Farm & Garden 225 Hardwick Road, New Braintree facebook.com/howesfarm andgardenllc
Parlee Farms 95 Farwell Road, Tyngsboro parleefarms.com Country kitchen, animals, and PYO strawberries, blueberries, cherries, peaches and flowers.
Red Apple Farm 455 Highland Ave., Phillipston redapplefarm.com This farm has a Brew Barn and Cidery with nightly live music, along with PYO raspberries, blueberries, peaches, sunflowers and even “dig your own” potatoes.
Russell Orchards
This expansive farm boasts over 10 acres of PYO berries.
143 Argilla Road, Ipswich
Cordelia’s Farm
russellorchards.com
232 Pleasant St., Berlin
A bakery, farm store, winery, and farm animals along with PYO strawberries, cherries, raspberries, blueberries and blackberries.
cordeliasfarm.com Formally Indian Head Farm, open daily and offering PYO strawberries, blueberries, raspberries and flowers.
Lanni Orchards 294 Chase Road, Lunenburg lanniorchard.com
38 Root Road, Hubbardston
Enjoy nine acres of PYO blueberry bushes.
Sunburst Blueberry Farm
Meadowbrook Orchards
Over 1,000 bushes at this PYO blueberry farm, surrounded by open fields with horses grazing in pastures and paddocks.
meadowbrookorchards.com
44 Rawson St., N. Uxbridge
Tougas Family Farm
Nourse Farm
tougasfamilyfarm.com
70 Nourse St., Westborough
Strawberries, cherries, blueberries, peaches and blackberries are the summer PYO offerings. Also there is a playground, animal petting zoo, and farm store.
Offering PYO strawberries, raspberries and blueberries, plus a self-guided hiking trail, which passes by barns, a pond and Nourse Brook.
We Accept Vouchers
sunburstblueberryfarm.com
A farm store, bakery, and restaurant with PYO blueberries and raspberries.
noursefarm.com
The Guild provides families with quality, affordable early childhood education and school age programs in a safe, nurturing environment for children 6 weeks to 12 years of age.
sawyersfarm.org
Summertime PYO offerings include raspberries, blueberries, peaches, nectarines, grapes, pears, and concord grapes.
209 Chace Hill Road, Sterling
ENROLLING NOW!
Sawyer’s Farm
Ask us about our transportation services
The Guild of St. Agnes Is Seeking Teachers! Join The Guild of St. Agnes Long Distinguished Legacy of Early Education & Care
234 Ball St., Northborough
Rewarding Professional Work Environment Dedicated to Teaching Children Who Need You WM-0000470301-01
Hollis Hills Farm
Highly Competitive Compensation & Excellent Benefits Locations throughout Worcester County
Call 508-755-2238 • www.guildofstagnes.org BayStateParent | JULY 2021 | 19
BITES
nutrition
Sesame ADDED TO LIST OF MAJOR ALLERGENS
GETTY IMAGES
S Play and learn together again!
Visit for FREE on Friday nights all summer! (4:30pm - 7:30pm)
177 Main Street, Acton discoveryacton.org 20 | JULY 2021 | BayStateParent
esame will now join dairy, soy, wheat, peanuts, eggs, tree nuts, fi sh and shellfi sh as an ingredient that companies must indicate on food packaging. This spring, President Joe Biden signed the FASTER Act into law, declaring sesame the ninth top U.S. allergen. As part of the Food Allergy Safety, Treatment, Education and Research Act, all products must disclose the use of sesame seeds or items derived from them by Jan. 1, 2023. The legislation increases transparency and awareness about food allergens and may potentially decrease accidental exposure to sesame for those who are allergic. Under existing labeling regulations, manufacturers don’t have to label sesame, and it can hide behind vague terms such as “natural fl avors” or “spices.” According to research published in JAMA, as many as 1.6 million people in the United States could be allergic to sesame – about the same number of people impacted by soy and fi sh allergies. According to the National Institutes of Health, 17% of children with other food allergies are also allergic to sesame, and only an estimated 20% to 30% of children with sesame allergy outgrow it. About 45% of adults and 40% of kids who have a sesame allergy have a severe reaction. In these individuals, even a small amount, such as one or two seeds, can cause a reaction. The FASTER Act also mandates a detailed report on federal government activity to classify, measure, diagnose and prevent food allergies in the United States.
About 45% of adults and 40% of kids who have a sesame allergy have a severe reaction.
BITES
goose’s goodies AMANDA COLLINS BERNIER
FROZEN YOGURT BARK Cool off with this healthy, frozen goodie. The red and blue berries make it a perfect Fourth of July treat.
Ingredients 2 cups plain yogurt ⁄ 4 cup honey
1
⁄ 2 teaspoon pure vanilla extract
1
⁄ 4 teaspoon fresh lemon juice
1
pinch of salt strawberries, sliced blueberries raspberries chopped pecans or sliced almonds (optional)
Directions Line a rimmed baking sheet with wax paper, set aside. In a large bowl, whisk together the yogurt, honey, vanilla, lemon juice, and salt until combined. Pour yogurt mixture onto the prepared baking sheet. Use a spatula to spread it around to an even thickness. Scatter berries on top, then chopped nuts (if using). Freeze for 3 hours, or until fi rm. Cut or tear into pieces and serve right away. Note: This melts quickly! Be sure to keep uneaten pieces in the freezer.
Known as “Goose” to her grandkids, Laurie Silva Collins has perfected her recipes over years of cooking for her three daughters and eight grandchildren. BayStateParent | JULY 2021 | 21
feature
what is
Dr. Harold S. Koplewicz Special to USA TODAY
It could be the key to help kids adjust to post-pandemic life
parenting?
T
he coronavirus vaccine hopes to “normalize” life for young people and bring them back to school, activities and friends. But we can’t underestimate how destabilizing reentry will be. Parents who are struggling with burnout, anxiety and isolation have to now adjust to the next “new normal” for their children: letting them go. Kids who’ve been cooped up and isolated will need to spread their wings and take chances. This highlights a peculiar power of the pandemic and the resilience of children. The reality that we all struggled (and still struggle) to accommodate to has become normal for our children. To readjust to “in-real-life” interactions with peers, they may
have to go through some trial and error. Some will make mistakes and get hurt. Some anxious children who fl ourished at home during lockdown will struggle reengaging. For parents, backing off and letting kids struggle is sometimes the hardest thing to do. We’re socialized for the fi xer/protector role, to step in
Presenting puppets, princesses, pirates, storytelling and much more! Call today for more information All Ages. Birthday Parties, Schools, Fairs, Day Care Centers, Etc.
www.rosalitaspuppets.com 617-633-2832
WM-0000470299-01
22 | JULY 2021 | BayStateParent
and take care of the problem. If your kid falls and scrapes his knee, your instinct is to put a Band-Aid on it, and say, “I’ll make it better.” They go back to playing and you feel good about having done your job as a fi xer well. However, you can’t put a Band-Aid on a social rejection. Particularly now, there is no instant fi x for kids who are
navigating social, academic and emotional challenges that we have no experience with. You can’t protect a child from the trials of life. But you can give kids armor by creating a loving scaff old to help them grow. To raise resilient, independent, confi dent kids — especially in this extraordinary crisis — we teach moms and dads a strategy called “scaffold parenting.” The metaphor is that the child is the “building,” and the parents are the scaff old around it, the framework that guides and protects as the child rises and grows. The three pillars of scaffolding are support, structure and encouragement. At every stage, parents can model and teach positive, prosocial behaviors, give corrective feedback and boost self-esteem. By doing so, they allow the child to develop the strength and agency they need to become happy, successful adults. To scaff old an anxious child -- or any child -- for social reentry in the coming months: Support them with empathy, validation and interven-
tion. Assure them that you understand their fears and concerns. If a child needs a tutor or a therapist, don’t wait for his or her symptoms to become severe to fi nd help. Structure routines and schedules to give a child a sense of security. Many of our structural norms — like getting on the school bus and going to work — have been upended by the pandemic. A lot of house rules have fallen by the wayside (like TV and gaming restrictions). Ease a child’s anxiety by reestablishing household routines and rules as much as possible. Most importantly, encourage kids to get back into the social fray via exposure to human interaction. Gently urge them to set up daily FaceTime dates with friends. Take them on walks and encourage them to talk to the people you meet. Practice socializing with them. Ask their teachers to start calling on them once or twice per Zoom class.
Parents who are struggling with burnout, anxiety and isolation have to now adjust to the next “new normal” for their children: letting them go.
We’ve asked a lot of parents over the past year, but there is one more action they can take to help their children come out of the bedroom and readjust to society. If enough parents and teachers start scaff olding our kids now, we ease them back into the social world. If we don’t, our children will lose even more of their childhoods to this virus.
Harold S. Koplewicz, MD, is the president of the nonprofi t Child Mind Institute and the author of “The Scaff old Eff ect: Raising Resilient, Self-Reliant, and Secure Kids in an Age of Anxiety.”
Take Five
Author and blogger Karen Alpert. PROVIDED
with
Karen Alpert, author and parenting blogger Amanda Collins Bernier
In the age of unattainable mom infl uencers, Karen Alpert keeps it real. Honest about what it’s really like to raise kids, the hilariously candid and charmingly profane mom-of-two chronicles her #momlife on the blog, Baby Sideburns. Her writing about the messy, unpredictable side of parenting struck a chord, and her fi rst book, “I Heart My Little A-Holes” hit the bestseller list. She also wrote “I Want My Epidural Back,” and recently released her third book, “Mamas Don’t Let Your Babies Grow Up to Be A-Holes: Unfi ltered Advice on How to Raise Awesome Kids.” We asked Alpert for her matterof-fact tips for raising happy, kind, and resilient kids.
1. You wrote “I Heart My Little A-Holes” when you had a baby and a toddler. Why a follow-up now that you’re a mom of pre-teens?
When babies are born, they basically do four things—eat, sleep, cry and poop. As a parent, you’re just trying to survive. There was a lot of funny stuff to write about that time in my life so I wrote my fi rst book. But as my kids were getting older, I started to realize I have a HUGE responsibility. Eventually I’ll have to send these human beings out into the world, so I need to turn my children into self-suffi cient, kind, awesome adults. That’s why I wrote this book. Like my fi rst book it’s humorous and will hopefully make people laugh, but behind the humor is a serious message about turning our children into amazing people who can make this world a better place.
2. Your books and blog offer a candid and hilarious look at parenting. Would your kids say you’re a “funny mom?”
Sometimes they think I’m hilarious. Like when I lean over to put something in the dishwasher and I accidentally fart. And sometimes they hate my guts because I take away their screens or make them clean their rooms. I’m lucky that both of my kids still love hanging out with me, but I expect that to change so I’ve stocked my closet
with a big box of chocolate I can turn to when I’m feeling rejected.
3. What’s the one part of parenting you wish you could outsource?
Sadly, it’s too late to outsource the poopie diapers. That would have been awesome. Now I wish I could outsource parenting when my kids are feeling hurt. I don’t mean the times they feel physical pain because they fell or got a shot or something. I can deal with those times. But when they feel emotional pain and come to me about it, I wish I could outsource those conversations. Seeing your kid hurt because they don’t fi t in, or because they lose a friend, or because they aren’t invited to a birthday party, those are the hardest times as a mom. I’d also like to outsource clipping their toenails. Ewww.
4. You wrote a chapter about how self-expression is key to raising awesome kids. How do you encourage your kids’ creativity?
The best way to encourage your kids to be creative is to let them be bored. Will they bug the crap out of you complaining they’re bored? Yes they will. But at some point, they’ll pick up a cardboard box and turn it into a stuff ed animal hospital. Or pick up a pair of scissors and make snowfl akes. Or pick up a magic marker and draw an awe-
some picture, maybe on a piece of paper or maybe on your wall. But that’s why God invented 409. Well, God didn’t, but someone awesome did.
5. What advice do you give to yourself when you’re feeling like a bad mom?
There’s only one person who can judge whether you’re a bad mom. Your kid. When I yell at my kid because they didn’t put their shoes on or change their underwear or clean their room, I tend to replay that moment over and over again in my head and beat myself up about it. But at the end of the day when I kiss my kiddo goodnight, they’ll say something like “I love you to the moon” or “You’re the best mom on earth,” and that’s when I realize something. I’m not a bad mom. I have bad moments. I’m not perfect, and that’s okay. Overall, I’m a great mom. At least I’ve fooled my kids into thinking I am, and that’s what really matters.
Mamas Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up to be A-Holes Let's face it: sometimes kids act like real a-holes. But rather than add two more jerks to this world, Karen Alpert is on a mission to mold her children into good, lawabiding citizens and help other parents along the way. "Mamas Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up to be A-Holes" is a parenting guide for regular moms from a regular mom.
BayStateParent | JULY 2021 | 23
Introducing our new IVF Center. No matter how your path to pregnancy turns, we’re prepared for every step and every stage.
The path to pregnancy can be an overwhelming maze of emotions. You need the right team with the right capabilities. That’s why we’re pleased to announce the addition of our on-site IVF Center to round out our robust fertility services — ensuring convenient, state-of-the-art care, close to home. Reach out today to schedule your appointment.
For appointments, call 855-UMASS-MD (855-862-7763) or visit umassmemorial.org/IVF. 24 | JULY 2021 | BayStateParent
