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THE VIEW FROM HERE
The SECRET to a
HAPPY MARRIAGE IS… BY EMILY MORRISON
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not perfect. And let me save you the suspense, this girl you met isn’t either. The question is, whether or not you’re perfect for each other.” Now, I’m not saying I saw this movie and overnight I gave up the illusions of happily-ever-after, but it did open my eyes to the idea that people don’t have to be perfect for you to love them. All we need to do is be right for each other. Two decades, three kids and several fur babies later, I’ve discovered the secret to a happy marriage comes down to forgiving all the ways we don’t stack up separately and loving all the ways we add up together. When he forgets to do the dishes I do them, and when I forget, he grabs a sponge and goes to town. If I’m too tired to cook, he springs for takeout or takes on kitchen duty. And when he’s not around, I know how to open up a can, bag or box and pretend I’m cooking. The key to our survival as a couple isn’t perfection — it’s acceptance. This past July, we celebrated our 20th anniversary, and this year (like every other) we asked each other, “What do you want to do? Shouldn’t we do something? Go on a trip? Take a solo vacation? Hit Applebee’s?” But, we did what we always end up doing. We spent the day laughing, eating and having fun with our kids. We cried over our oldest leaving for college soon, and we sat without words or reassurance that everything’s going to be okay when she goes. When you love someone — really love someone — you know that things aren’t always going to be alright, but you’re going to be alright as long as you’re together. And that’s more than enough for me. It’s perfect.
PHOTO: ©PROSTOOLEH/ADOBE STOCK
BEFORE I GOT MARRIED, I wanted to have the perfect wedding. I was young, foolish and broke, and despite my lack of funds or wisdom, I believed we should throw one heck of a bash. Roll out the white carpet, open up the bar, pitch the tent, cater the cuisine, hire the film crew and make way on the dance floor. Remarkably, all of these things happened. My fiancé’s parents paid for a third, my parents forked out another and the trust fund picked up the difference, and voilà, a gorgeous wedding was had by all. We got married on a hot summer day in a picturesque Vermont chapel, and it was perfect. But that’s not what I came here to hash out. Honestly, if I’d spent half as much energy preparing for our marriage as I did for the day we said “I do,” I would have fared better as a young wife. Maybe I wouldn’t have expected so much out of my young husband or believed that every aspect of our new life had to resemble a fairytale. In non-fairytale life, people have morning breath. People pass gas. People forget to take out the trash. People occasionally forget to call you when they’re running late. People may not like cleaning the cat litter, doing the dishes or picking up their dirty clothes once they’ve disrobed for the day. And people definitely don’t like it when you tell them they’re being an insensitive jerk. In short, people are imperfect. As young marrieds, I remember the night we watched “Good Will Hunting.” Robin Williams, God rest his soul, absolutely hit it out of the park as Sean, the shrink who helps Matt Damon’s boygenius character, Will, deal with his traumatic past. Will is afraid to let the girl he loves see his dark side, so Sean explains to him what it’s like to love someone, “People call these things imperfections, Will. It’s just who we are. And we get to choose who we’re going to let into our weird little worlds. You’re
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EMILY MORRISON is a high school English teacher, freelance writer and editor from coastal Maine. She is living happily-ever-after with her handsome husband, three beautiful children and two beloved dogs. And a cat.
