7 surprising home remedies for bug bites

Recently, my friend was outside when a bug swooped from above and descended down her V-neck shirt. Faster than you can say “bugger,” she was stung or bit on not one but both of her breasts. It then dropped out the bottom of her shirt and flew away.

What followed was a lawn dance the likes of which her neighbors had never seen. She’s lucky no one had a video camera handy—footage like that would have taken the internet by storm!

When she told me the story, I asked her, “Did you apply meat tenderizer? Ammonia?”

She said no, but was grateful that she had taken some Benadryl that morning to help with insomnia. She suspects (and I agree) that the inflammation and pain could have been much worse. We joked about her story and dubbed it “One Bee, Two Boobs.”

What do you do if you are stung or bitten by a nasty little critter? You can find a host of remedies for insect attacks and other summer boo-boos at your local pharmacy or in your kitchen. Here are some of my favorites: • Put quick-cooking or rolled oatmeal into a food processor to make a fine powder. Mix it with a small amount of water to make a paste and apply it to your sting.

You can also take a bath with oatmeal for all-over itch relief.

• Apply a cold black tea bag on the bite site for five minutes. The naturally occurring tannins in tea make it bitter, but also draw out poison and ease discomfort.

English Breakfast Tea in particular is high in tannins. • Mix white or apple cider vinegar 50/50 with water and use a cotton ball to dab the mixture to your sore for instant itch relief. • Meat tenderizer contains papain, which breaks up poisons from insect venom. Sprinkle about half a teaspoon into a little cup and add some water, perhaps a teaspoon or two, to make a paste and dab directly onto the bite. The sooner you do this after you get stung, the better! • Insect venom is usually acidic and ammonia is alkaline so it neutralizes the poison when applied as soon as possible to a bee or wasp sting. Some people recommend dabbing it on straight. Others suggest diluting it 50/50 with water. • Ice cubes are super effective at reducing inflammation and numbing the area. Wrap a cube in a paper towel and apply for 5-10 minutes. Ice feels nice on bites!

• Toothpaste. The menthol in toothpaste makes for a nice cooling sensation while reducing swelling. Just apply a thin layer and let it dry.

The next time a bug swoops down the front of your shirt, don’t panic. Just head to the pantry! ■

DEAR PHARMACIST

BY SUZY COHEN For more articles and advice, sign up for Suzy’s newsletter at www.SuzyCohen.com

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Dental hygiene tips for caregivers

Courtesy of State Point Media & American Dental Association

If you’re one of the 44 million family caregivers in the United States, you’ve got a lot on your mind. However, keeping your loved one’s mouth healthy is important for their dental health, overall health and so much more.

“The combination of daily care and professional services equals the best chance for a healthy mouth,” said Dr. Jane Grover, MPH, director of the American Dental Association’s (ADA) Council on Advocacy for Access and Prevention.

To help prevent other health problems from arising or becoming worse, the ADA offers these essential oral health tips for caregivers.

While the exact assistance you provide your loved one will depend on their individual abilities and situation, here are some important things every caregiver should keep in mind. 1. Brush teeth twice a day for two minutes using fluoride toothpaste. Floss or use other between-theteeth cleaners daily. Doing so will help prevent tooth decay (cavities),

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gum disease and bad breath. 2. If your loved one wears dentures, rinse them after each meal, brush them daily with denture cleaner and take them out and store them in water before bedtime. Try to discourage them from sleeping with their dentures in their mouth overnight, as that habit over time can lead to serious tissue irritation on the roof of their mouth. 3. If your loved one is living with diabetes, pay special attention to their gums and mouth. Not only can gingivitis and dry mouth be signs of untreated diabetes, but research suggests that treating gum disease can actually help control blood sugar levels, decreasing the progression of the disease. 4. Dry mouth can be a sign of diabetes or a side effect of certain medications. Not only is it uncomfortable, but it can increase the risk of tooth decay. To combat dry mouth, try an alcohol-free mouth rinse and encourage hydration by having your loved one sip water, suck (not chew) on ice chips and use a humidifier while sleeping. 5. Limit snacking and sugary drinks. Encourage the consumption of fruits, vegetables, whole grains and water, which are good for the mouth and the entire body. 6. Make and keep dental appointments. Even people with dentures need to visit the dentist for an annual oral exam. 7. Watch for symptoms that could signal larger issues. If your loved one shows any of the following signs, visit the dentist: • Pain or swelling in the mouth, face and neck

• Sores, swelling or growths in the mouth • A change in the fit of dentures • Difficulty opening the mouth • Red, swollen, tender or bleeding gums • Gums that have pulled away from the teeth

• Bad breath that doesn’t go away • Pus between the teeth and gums • Dark or discolored spots on teeth • Loose or broken teeth, partials or dentures

“Tending to oral hygiene is an important part of caregiving,” said Grover. “And of course, don’t forget your own dental care. Being an effective caregiver starts with ensuring your own health and wellness.”

To access free oral health resources, including a caregiver’s guide to dental health, visit www. mouthhealthy.org ■

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TOO MANY 911 CALLS

Submitted by Ben Kuckel A man hears some noise outside in his garage. Peering through the garage window, he sees three burglars bagging items to steal.

He calls 911 to report the crime. 911 operator: “What’s your emergency?”

Man: “There are three burglars robbing me right now!” 911: “Are they in your house?”

Man: “No, they’re out in my garage stealing all sorts of things!” 911: “Sorry, sir, but we currently have no patrol cars that can respond to that type of emergency.”

The call is disconnected but the man calls again. 911: “What’s your emergency?”

Man: “I just shot three burglars!”

No sooner than he provided his need both my hands to hold onto this hat.”

“But madam,” the man said. “You are not wearing any panties, and your privates are exposed!”

The woman looked down, then back up at the man. “Sir, anything you see down there is 75 years old. I just bought this hat yesterday.”

address did three patrol cars, two ambulances and a fire truck show up and find three burglars in the garage. No one had been shot.

A police officer said, “I heard you reported that three men had been shot!”

Man: “I heard there were no patrol cars available.”

HOLD ON TO YOUR HAT

Submitted by Eric Escobar An elderly lady was standing at the railing of a cruise ship holding her hat tightly so that it wouldn’t blow away in the wind.

A gentleman approached her and said, “Pardon me, madam. I do not intend to be so forward, but did you know that your dress is blowing upward in this high wind?”

“Yes, I know,” said the lady. “I SHORT JOKES

Submitted by Jem & Mickey Neal I read recipes the way I read science fiction. I get to the end and I think, “Well, that’s not going to happen.” My husband wanted one of those big-screen TVs for his birthday, so I just moved his chair closer to the one we have already. The noblest of dogs is the hot dog—it feeds the hand that bites it.

POKER

Submitted by Bob Breazeale A man walks into a casino and sees three men and a dog playing poker. He watches for a while and then says, “That dog must be really smart to be able to play poker.”

One of the players says, “Not really. He wags his tail when he has a good hand.”

MY SUCCESSFUL SON

Submitted by Melissa Young The pastor of a small church found a pink envelope containing $1,000 when he counted the offering one Sunday. Every week after, that same pink envelope appeared in the offering.

The following Sunday, he watched as the offering was collected and saw an elderly woman put the distinctive pink envelope in the plate. This went on for weeks until the pastor, overcome by curiosity, approached her.

“Ma’am,” the pastor said. “I couldn’t help but notice that you put $1,000 a week in the collection plate.”

“Why yes,” she replied. “Every week my son sends me money, and I give some of it to the church.”

“That’s wonderful,” the pastor replied, “but $1,000 is a lot. Are

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you sure you can afford this? How much does he send you?”

“$10,000 a week.”

The pastor was amazed. “Your son is very successful. What does he do for a living?”

“He is a veterinarian,” she answered.

“That’s an honorable profession,” the pastor said, “but I had no idea they made that much money. Where does he practice?”

The woman answered proudly, “In Nevada. He has two cathouses. One in Las Vegas, and one in Reno.”

THE OTHER STALL

Submitted by Colleen Reed Traveling down the interstate, I stopped at a rest area and headed to the restroom.

“Hi, how are you?” a voice said.

I’m not the type to start a conversation in the restroom, and I don’t know what got into me, but I answered, somewhat embarrassed, “Doin’ just fine.”

And the other person says, “So what are you up to?”

What kind of question is that? At that point, I was thinking this is too bizarre, so I said, “Uh, I’m like you. Just traveling.”

At this point, I am just trying to get out as fast as I can when I hear another question.

“Can I come over?”

Okay, this question was just too weird for me, but I figured I could just be polite and end the conversation.

I tell them, “No, I’m a little busy right now.”

Then I hear the other person say nervously, “Listen, I’ll have to call you back. There’s an idiot in the other stall who keeps answering all my questions.”

FORGETTER BE FORGOTTEN?

Submitted by Wilma Parsons My forgetter’s getting better, But my rememberer is broke To you that may seem funny, But to me, that is no joke. For when I’m “here” I’m wondering If I really should be “there,” And when I try to think it through, I haven’t got a prayer! Oft times I walk into a room, Say “What am I here for?” I rack my brain, but all in vain! A zero is my score. At times I put something away Where it is safe, but gee, The person it is safest from Is generally me! When shopping, I may see someone, say “Hi” and have a chat, Then when the person walks away I ask myself, “Who the hell was that?” Yes, my forgetter’s getting better, While my rememberer is broke, And it’s driving me plumb crazy, And that isn’t any joke.

BALL OF YARN

Submitted by Mark Lambuth Did you hear about the cat that swallowed a ball of yarn? He ended up having mittens. ■

HAVE A JOKE THAT’S

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