Cinema

Gadfly 218 By Robert Macklin It was just a coincidence, I’m sure, but the evening we arrived at the Tuross beach house, it seemed that wild Australia turned out to welcome us. We were on the backyard deck with the rolling breakers of nearby Coila Beach providing the soundtrack to that gorgeous South Coast gloaming when half a dozen kangaroos arrived and settled themselves for a feed. Then four magpies landed on the deck; two feisty little rainbow lorikeets flew into the bird feeder; a kookaburra cackled on next door’s power line; and a rabbit poked his nose out of the ferns at the bottom of the garden. It was a magic moment, one of those rare privileges of being an Australian in the years before the calamities of climate change. And it came to mind today when an email arrived from lifelong friend who now lives in London. It read (in part): ‘Charles is up to his neck in a cash-for-honours scandal involving a Saudi donor to the Prince’s Trust via his former valet, Michael Fawcett. The interesting point is that the Saudi was dropped by Prince Harry for being dodgy, but Charles took £1.5 million from him.’ The ‘Charles’ is of course the heir to the British throne, and the husband of Camilla whom the well-loved Queen just endorsed as ‘Queen Consort’ at his coronation. So that’s set in monarchical stone, as it were. Since the Queen is ninety-five and bedevilled by Covid and the sexual foibles of her favourite son Andrew, we can be fairly sure that her demise could well occur before that hoped for centennial telegram to herself. And since we all agree that her departure is the signal for a decision about Australia choosing its own head of state, it’s worth a moment to think through the consequences. Charles has waited so long for his turn to wear the crown that nothing will stand between him and that ancient pomp and circumstance at Westminster Abbey. Indeed, it was he who raised the issue of Camilla’s title and Her Majesty gave the public nod. But if, as now seems likely, he’s tarred with the brush of corruption, his royal elevation would be a PR disaster. Add to that the natural resentment – not to say hatred – that the sons of Princess Diana bear for the woman who caused their mother such pain and anguish, and you have all the ingredients for a right royal calamity. At first blush, this should make it a whole lot easier for us to bid a fond farewell to the monarchy. But alas, idiocy is not confined to the Brits. Our own Australian Republic Movement (ARM) recently released its preferred model for choosing our own presidential head of state: ‘Federal, State and Territory parliaments should nominate a shortlist of candidates which would then be put to a national vote to decide the winner.’ (The Feds could have up to three nominees and the states and territories one each.) The monarchists must be thrilled. If adopted, it would divide the country by state and territory, cause intense embarrassment to the losers and produce a separate political power centre from the national parliament. It would turn the entire operation into a political circus. In fact, it’s so ridiculous the current leadership of the ARM, whoever they might be, should do the decent thing and resign en masse. The simplest and best model is for as little change as possible – a small committee of the PM, the Opposition Leader and one or two others should select from a confidential list, endorsed perhaps by a vote of the Parliament, for a five-year term with the exact powers of the current Governor-General. Simple, effective and non-controversial. Even our wild Australia on the Tuross backyard would be pleased… well, maybe not the rabbit.

Bazza enjoyed a quiet moment and took a sip from his full schooner. Mick joined him, took a decent drink, clicked his tongue and leaned forward. “I reckon we need to put this Anthony Albanese and his policies under the microscope, Bazza.” “We will need a bloody good microscope, Mick, but fire away.” “ScoMo says he’s a ……” “I’m going to chop you off right there, Mick. Any sentence beginning with ‘ScoMo says’ pre y much means the truth is in the opposite. If the kids at school played ‘ScoMo says’ instead of ‘Simon says’ they would be pu ng their hands on their heads when they are supposed to be clapping.” “Well……. I won’t pursue that line, Bazza, but Beryl at the top of the street has a cousin whose neighbour grew up in Marrickville and she swears blind that Albanese is a deadset………” Bazza’s jaw dropped. “Beryl!……. bloody Beryl reckoned Malcolm Fraser was a communist because he helped rese le the Vietnamese refugees a er the Vietnam War. I could never work that one out, because the refugees were escaping communism. Give us a break, Mick.” Bazza shook his head and they sipped their schooners in silence. Mick scratched his head. “Well alright, Bazza, but Anthony Albanese’s ini als…. AA…..leave me a tad nervous when big decisions need to be made. And I’ve been thinking a fair bit about the influence of the Chi….NESE on our poli cs. Now, take his last name…… Alba…NESE. It’s a bit similar….. and even you would have to agree with that.” Bazza blinked a couple of mes, sighed and took a long sip of his schooner. “What? You reckon it would fit if we were all Australia…NESE.” “You are star ng to get the dri , Bazza. Let’s not forget the Chinese kidnapped Prime Minister Harold Holt in a submarine off Portsea, Victoria back in the 1960’s. I just don’t want to see a repeat of those kind of tac cs.” Bazza splu ered his beer and straightened his shoulders. “Mick……. he DROWNED!!! He went for a swim in dangerous surf condi ons and drowned.” “Bazza, Bazza….Bazza, I knew you would say that. You really need to do a bit more research. Now, we both agree he was an excellent swimmer. In fact, he swam all of his life. On top of that, he had well trained security at his disposal and yet they never found him. It’s a bit of a no brainer! A Chinese submarine was spo ed off Portsea, a day before, by a very good friend of my old man. Mate……. they grabbed Harold Holt when he ducked under a wave.” Bazza chuckled. “Well may you laugh, Bazza, but tell me something. If Harold Holt drowned when he was a good swimmer, why have they named a swimming pool a er him in Melbourne? Its called the HAROLD HOLT SWIM CENTRE. It’s obviously part of the cover up. So there you go, Bazza…… it pays to do some research. Now lets get back to this Alba….NESE.” Have a beer with Baz at john.longhurst59@gmail.com

NEW BANK NOTES. – New Commonwealth Bank notes, of an altered design will make their appearance within the next six weeks. The color scheme is being altered and the King’s head will appear on the notes, which will be uniform in size and be a li le longer and narrower than now. ANNUAL SHOW. – Jupiter Pluvius wept copiously on the opening day of the 47th Annual Show of the Moruya A. and P. Society … which no doubt, was the cause of so few people a ending. However, perfect weather condi ons prevailed on the second day, in consequence of which the number a ending was trebled. On the first day the gate takings amounted to £11 15s and on the second over £35. … The terrific hailstorm a few weeks ago which effected such havoc in the farms, gardens and orchards accounted for the small display of farm produce, vegetables and fruit. The ring events were fairly well contested, the hun ng and flag races a rac ng the largest number.

The following are the names of the prizetakers:- HORSES. Mare dry, 3yrs and over – T Kennelly 1, A Lou t 2; Colt, gelding or filly, under 3yrs – J R Milne 1, A Lou t 2; 11 Stone Hackney, H McIntosh’s special – P Mylo 1; Lady and Gent Riders – S Turnbull and Miss May Milne 1, N C Tarlinton and Mrs Parkins 2; Time Handicap Trot – Ken Rose 1, E Beringer 2. SHORTHORNS FOR MILKING PURPOSES. Bull 3yrs and over – A F Emmo 1, J R Milne 2; Cow 3yrs and over – T Heffernan 1, R Heffernan 2; Heifer 2yrs and under 3 – R. Heffernan 1, A F Emmo 2; Champion female beast – T Heffernan. JERSEYS. Champion male beast – H P Jeffery, Champion female beast – M McKeon. DOGS. Greyhound dog or slut – D Irwin 1, W Flynn 2; Pointer dog or slut – H P Jeffrey 1; Fox Terrier dog or slut – W Coppin 1, J Stewart 2; Retriever dog or slut – Mrs T Turner 1, D Foreman 2. FLOWERS. Judges: Mr. H J Bate and Mrs. John Bate (Tilba Tilba), and Mrs. Lewin (Bodalla). Single rose – Mrs T Flood 1; Three roses – Miss M Boot 1, Mrs E Hawdon 2; Six cactus dahlias – Mrs J Taylor 1, Mrs J R Milne 2; Collec on of dahlias – Mrs J Grumley 1, Mrs A Russel 2; Collec on of verbenas – Mrs A Lou t 1, Mrs L T Jenner 2; Six pansies – Mrs J W McIntosh 1, Mrs G Luck 2. FINE ARTS. Judges: Rev. G. A. Sanders and Mr. W Jermyn. Landscape, oils – Miss L Bayliss 1, Mrs P J Gannon 2; Flowers, oils – Miss L Bayliss 1, Miss B Staunton 2; Human figure, pencil – Mr Leo Needham 1, Miss L Bayliss 2; Copy book, boy under 12 years, double lines, district schools – Master Garnet Chewying 1, Master Jack Ryan 2; Copy book, girl under 12 years – Miss Maudie Ryan 1, Miss Monica McKeon 2.