THE DARK TRAIL
Eyewitness accounts of a household crime
THE DARK TRAIL
Victim testifies as follows:
As a mother of two young, mischievous children, it is often difficult to identify the culprit when mishceif occurs in my household. This entire incident occured 48 hours ago in the 4 minute time frame in which I watered a few flowers. Before I stepped outside, I had set a freshly baked chocolate cake on the kitchen table to cool but upon returning, I found that the kitchen was suddenly in chaotic disarray. The chairs were jumbled and the coat rack had fallen, but the most disappointing part was that my cake was destroyed. Not only was it ruined, but there were crumbs everywhere, signifying that someone had taken a large chunk of it and left a chocolate trail behind him or her. Since that day, I have been collecting eyewitness testimonies from various objects in my house that might have seen the incident or could provide any relevant information. This catalog is a collection of these accounts in my attempt to identify the thief in this household crime.
Ball-in-Hole Game No.5967
3-D Glasses No.5968 Buddha Figurine No.5969 Wooden Turtle No. 5970 Vintage Keys No.5971
No.5975 Wrench No.5976
CIGARETTE CASE:
Stays in my husband's jacket, testifies as follows:
Your husband and I had just returned from the poolroom when he hung the jacket and I on the kitchen coat rack. The thieves couldn't see me but I could get a good angle on both the wrench and your daughter admiring the cake. Just as she was about to reach for it, the rack was knocked over and sent
me flailing into the living room. The wooden turtle had created a perfect distraction for your daughter to pull off this crime and I made sure to give him a peice of my mind. The timing seemed too perfect if you ask me. It's obvious they were working together.
GLASS BOWL:
Serves as decoration in the living room, testifies as follows:
As you know, your daughter is quite mischievous. After the coat rack fell, she ran up the stairs to probably hide the cake in her room. Once the turtle and leather case settled their differences, I went to the stairs and found a trail of chocolate crumbs leading directly to her bedroom. As always, I cleaned up her mess but if you want my two cents, I wouldn’t be surprised a bit if it was her.
FLASK:
Lives in our closet, testifies as follows:
I don’t know a thing. I keep my distance from the runts. I’ve learned the hard way that nothing good comes from associating with them.
SUNGLASSES:
Lives in my purse, tesifies as follows:
All I saw was the crumbs on the stairs and the glass bowl quickly picking them up. At the time, I thought she was being her usual, uptight self but I bet that sneaky bowl was covering her tracks.
BALL-IN-HOLE GAME:
Lives in my daughter's bedroom, testifies as follows:
A mystery, how exciting! I always wanted to be a detective. That would be so much fun. Are you having fun? Who do you think did it? Honestly, I have no idea of what actually happened.
3D GLASSES:
Often stays under the couch, testifies as follows:
I woke up to the loud fighting of the cigarette case and the turtle. The matchbox walked in front of the fight, blocking my veiw on the first punch, but before you knew it they were rolling on the ground wailing on each other. After that, I saw the spring roll down the stairs, probably to see the fight, but he missed it by just a hair. You should’ve seen it man it was awesome.
BUDDHA FIGURINE:
Rests on shelves in the living room, testifies as follows:
My only role in this incident was settling the dispute that followed the fallen coat rack. I observed the wrench on the kitchen table, your daughter running upstairs, and the box of matches walking past us. This is all I know but I hope to solve this as soon as possible in order to restore the peace in the house.
WOODEN TURTLE:
Lives in my son’s bedroom, testifies as follows:
I was in the kitchen slowly making my way back to my room when the incident happened. I got distracted watching your girl’s every move, and walked right underneath the legs of the coat rack. It lost its balance, and made a pretty loud smack into the living room. I assume that’s when your girl grabbed the cake and ran out. I was more focused on the cigarette case storming towards me to let me have it.
VINTAGE KEYS:
Rests on the shelves with buddha, testifies as follows:
I ain’t no liar and I ain’t no thief. I didn’t have no part in this senseless crime because back in my day, being caught stealing was asking for harsh punishment. I thought I saw the boy grab the cake but my memory isn’t so good anymore. What was the question again?
TOY LIZARD:
Travels where ever my son goes, testifies as follows:
I was playing with the boy in the living room when the rack fell and the fight broke out. While this was happening, I saw the matchbox lunge from his drawer to the cake table, where he and the wrench conversated. The boy then put me in the back of his toy tractor and drove me away from the scene of the crime.
PLASTIC GOLD RING:
Lives in the toy box, testifies as follows:
Yeah I know who did it. What’s in it for me? I not a child's toy you know? Put me with the rest of the fine jewelry and then we can talk about the incident.
WOODEN PUZZLE CUBE:
Rests on end table in living room, testifies as follows:
I excel at solving and deciphering. Probably better than any other object in this house. I too have collected eyewitness accounts and am convinced that one or more of the objects had a role in this childish act of rebellion.
FIGURINE:
Serves as decoration, testifies as follows:
Whats up? I thought this was a party.
WRENCH:
Lives in the garage, testifies as follows:
I was supposed to go with you outside but you forgot me on the kitchen table. I had a clear view of your daughter when she grabbed a chunk of the cake. It is obvious it was her and the trail to her room proves it. I hope this matches the rest of the stories you’ve heard.
SPRING:
Lives in garage, testifies as follows:
I don’t recall rolling down the stairs. Be careful which objects you trust. I don't know who did it and I’m sure none of our stories match up.
MATCHBOX:
Lives is the kitchen junk drawer, testifies as follows:
I hoped my threats would keep them quiet but I'm not surprised they weakened under pressure. I forced the wrench to grab the cake pieces and fill up my empty box. Once I was up the stairs, I stuffed the spring with crumbs and rolled him back down to quickly leave
a trail. I then led the trail to your daughter's bedroom, hoping I could frame her, and finished the cake under her bed. Why did I do it? Because I saw an oppertunity to get a taste and I took it. I’m sick of lighting the cake but never compensated with even a small slice.