SILENCE IS NOT ALWAYS GOLDEN

THE ART OF CALM

SILENCE IS NOT ALWAYS GOLDEN

Camilla Wallace (Millie) became Senior Partner at Wedlake Bell in January 2024 and it is customary when taking on such a senior position to choose an area to focus on, be it diversity, the environment or whatever. For Millie it was a “natural fit” to choose mental health for multiple reasons. The timing coincided with the publication of the inquest into Vanessa Ford’s death. Two women of the same age, 47. Both with young children. Both in senior roles in law firms. And both with highly demanding workloads. Millie felt empathy.

Millie experienced burnout herself in her mid-twenties so has first-hand experience of what a physical and mental breakdown feels like, having been "at the coalface”. Millie was studying for her law exams at the time and was working at an unhealthy level. Millie says the characteristics that lots of lawyers share, including herself, of being people pleasers and perfectionists “add up to someone who keeps saying yes. I said yes to everyone and everything. Before I knew it, I was just getting a few hours sleep a night trying to fit it all in.”

As a result, Millie began to suffer from extreme fatigue, no energy and chronic anxiety. This spiralled out of control when she was diagnosed with Epstein Barr Virus, lost two stone in weight and was unable to sleep or function. The physical problems exacerbated her anxiety even more. With the benefit of hindsight, Millie now sees this was all a direct result of saying yes too much, of not facing or owning up to feeling overwhelmed, of putting on a brave, smiley face instead of speaking up (and getting a good night's sleep once in a while).

Fortunately, Millie managed to work through her own issues and go on to achieve and she now feels she is in a position to be able to “spot the signs and recognise the damage that can be done to extremely talented people when they take on too much.” Being a part of the management team puts Millie in a position to take positive action to help. As well as what she went through herself and what she witnesses around her at work, Millie has also sadly had to deal with mental health issues within her own personal network; a cousin of hers committed suicide in August this year, and she has close friends, some of whom were partners at City law firms who have had to withdraw because they have had crises and cannot continue to work.

“More often than not, the problems escalate because they are swept under the carpet. The more senior you are, the more risky it feels to speak up – there's more to lose. So people tend to lie. I had a very close friend who had not been at work for months as she had been told to go on sick leave as she was clearly in crisis, but she couldn’t bear to admit this and was lying to her husband telling him she was in the office every day. Sadly, this sort of behaviour is quite common. When the situation is that bad, you can’t face up to it. For some, the stress does not start at work but at home - say through financial concerns or a divorce. Coming into the office feels like a welcome escape but they are still going through huge pressure and probably not best placed to be making important decisions which can lead to negligence - but again, they feel incapable of owning up to their circumstances. Junior lawyers and business services colleagues tend to get better support through HR but partners are simply not putting their hands up. I know I often say that I’m fine when I clearly am not; fortunately I have a couple of people around me who have my back and recognise when things are not ok. I think that others would benefit from this as well which is why I am trying to introduce a mental health buddy system at partner level within law firms so they can reach out to someone when they feel it is all too much.”

I said yes to everyone and everything. Before I knew it, I was just getting a few hours sleep a night trying to fit it all in.

Millie genuinely feels talking and training is key to resolving mental health issues. As simple as this sounds, it is contrary to our normal pattern of behaviour of sweeping things under the carpet. And if nobody talks about certain issues, they become taboo.

“We are going through a transitional time at the moment. On the one hand, we have the old guard who are stiff upper-lip, very British and buttoned-up against the next generation who have really suffered, particularly through Covid, and they have found that talking about their feelings is helping them navigate rocky roads. This is the dichotomy. Managers in their forties - such as myself - can be a bridge between the two. I see it as my job to get as much as we can from the old guard but to ensure moving forward we change the way we talk about health in the office. I see it as a false economy to zip up and not talk about your problems in the workplace. And it has to start at the top. The more partners talk about these things, the more open the rest of the firm can be. A difficult challenge but essential.”

Millie says we need to look at the science. What does it actually mean when someone has a breakdown?

“Your body goes into fight or flight. Why? The Vagus nerve overreacts and you are living off cortisol and adrenaline. We need to help everyone manage their workloads and their lives so they have time to rest and digest before it all gets out of hand.”

Millie is the first to acknowledge that some people thrive on stress and treating people with kid gloves is not always the right way.

Times are changing. And silence is far from golden when it comes to our mental health and well-being.

“The law is a challenging workplace and you need to be fairly robust to be in it. What we need to ensure is that when there are challenges, the support is there to help everyone sail through them. To win, both professionally and personally.”

This summer Millie featured in and cosponsored a webinar for senior lawyers and partners on the subject of getting support for mental health issues. Over 200 people registered - showing the need is most definitely there. After this, she set up a small group called LawWell which is principally private client firms, a breakaway group focussing on mental health issues in their own firms to ensure the right policies are in place to “shift away from the dinosaur perspective of calling someone a superstar because they have recorded 2500 billable hours towards expressing concern as to whether that person is OK.” LawWell focuses on structural changes like rethinking the way people are remunerated, allowing flexible working and other positive measures that can genuinely start to relieve stress and anxiety.

“LawWell has a Mental Health Commitment Code which is almost a checklist of practices we should have in place. It uses the acronym EMPATHY and breaks down into Education, Management, Prevention, Assistance, Time Out, Health and Yield.

Education means training for partners/line managers on mental health, well-being and corporate and personal resilience, including advice on healthy working and living practices covering a broad range of issues from stress to bereavement, menopause to financial worries, cancer to addiction. A strong but discrete HR team where open, albeit confidential dialogue is encouraged.

Management requires senior leadership to engage meaningfully perhaps by putting the physical and mental well-being of staff and partners as standing items on risk registers and Board agendas, having a partner appointed as head of mental health and well-being supervising a team of qualified mental health first aiders and those at the top of the organisation setting the tone – which should be one of inclusivity and empathetic support.

Prevention includes policies (which provide a rule book on behaviours and manage expectations) but also coaching and / or therapy where required to protect the health of the staff and ensure that they are as happy, healthy, productive and fulfilled as possible.

Assistance could be an Employee Assistance Programme, the buddy scheme I talked about earlier where partners have a designated partner they can turn to if they are struggling and/or Mental Health Days.

Time Out encourages and supports at least one week ‘comms free’ annual leave particularly for all partners and legal directors who are the worst at switching off. This gives the body time to reset.

Health is about having the right policies and protocols for supporting staff to ensure they maintain good mental health and well being but, at Wedlake Bell, also practical things like offering health insurance, yoga, gym memberships, free salad/soup at lunch, healthy snacks, space in the office to be mindful or pray Some say this is a bit tick boxy but I believe they have their place in the toolbox of solutions.

And Yield is about reviewing annually evidenced results gleaned from confidential surveys, appraisals and feedback sessions to show the mitigation of acute mental health episodes.”

Millie makes a comparison between top lawyers and top "corporate" athletes.

“If you look at Olympians they have coaches for everything; for their sleep, their food - you name it. But lawyers find it tough to admit a need for any type of coach / therapist. Olympians get huge praise; lawyers tend to be blamed for everything. Yet another reason why they may need help from an external source. Recognising you need help, speaking up and asking for it and then being able to ‘admit’ (or should that be ‘share’) that you are getting it are not signs of weakness but show strength of character.”

Times are changing. And silence is far from golden when it comes to our mental health and well-being. As soon as we put our hands up, far from there being the backlash we fear, the support should be there: as much for the apprentice just starting out their career to the Senior Partner.

"We all need to speak up about mental health and well-being, not be ashamed of prioritising it and as I tell my children, just be kind - to ourselves and to others".