NETWORKING. UNNATURALLY.

THE ART OF CALM

NETWORKING. UNNATURALLY.

Have you ever been invited to a huge party that sounds extraordinary and you feel so excited at the prospect of attending? Yet, for some (myself included) as the date approaches, that initial excitement turns to fear and dread. Sometimes this can be a crippling sensation and even lead to being physically unwell. Perhaps the nerves become so great that you cancel - making up an illness as an excuse not to attend.

These characteristics are very typical for introverts. As a journalist, my entire work involves talking to people I don’t know and it is something I find easy to dobut put me in a room with a whole load of strangers and the thought of walking up to them and initiating a conversation induces the biggest stress in me.

Whilst - rightly or wrongly - we can avoid such situations in our personal lives, networking in our professional lives is becoming more and more of an expected requirement.

Making contacts, getting new businessthese are part of a solicitor’s job. And whilst you may be a brilliant, say IP lawyer, maybe you feel less comfortable about approaching strangers at functions and attempting to win them over as a client.

The pressure of this can absolutely cause a sense of malady and even cause us to question whether we are in the right profession, whether we are good enough. Whilst networking may come very naturally to some, to extroverts for example, for the rest of us it is a skill we need to learn. And, indeed, we can learn it.

to some, to extroverts for example, for the rest of us it is a skill we need to learn. And, indeed, we can learn it.

Living proof of that is Charlie Lawson, a self proclaimed ‘unnatural networker’ and the founder of Unnatural Success (www.unnaturalsuccess.com), a business that helps you overcome your fear of networking. Prior to setting up this business, Charlie ran the country’s biggest networking organisation, BNI, which helps SMEs grow through the power of networking. Charlie ran BNI with a partner who was the Operations Director leaving Charlie to be the public face; meeting and dealing with the 15,000 businesses who were members and promoting BNI to the wider world.

Considering the incredible success he achieved, is he really an unnatural networker?

“If I could avoid networking, I truly would. But we all know it is a crucial part of professional life; whether that is from a business development perspective, getting on with co-workers, career developmentnetworking is fundamental in building a career.”

Such was Charlie’s success at networking, he was encouraged by everyone around him to write a book on the subject. He is the first to admit this was not high on his list of priorities but such was the appetite, he succumbed. He hit writer’s blockrepeatedly. It was only while chatting to his partner that he realised just how much he really hated networking and it was in this conversation that the term ‘unnatural networker’ was born. And suddenly the whole premise of the book became clear - he should write about how to network from the point of view of someone who hates it. The words literally flowed. The success of the book, obviously called ‘The Unnatural Networker’ led to a second; ‘The Unnatural Promoter’ and then led to him to selling BNI and dedicating himself 100% to helping others like himself.

Charlie’s business works solely with the professional servicesand he says the biggest percentage of enquiries and clients comes from the legal sector.

Charlie’s business works solely with the professional services - and he says the biggest percentage of enquiries and clients comes from the legal sector.

Even to this day, Charlie says that every time he walks into a networking event and observes the groups of people there, he still has that fear that everyone else knows what they are doing and he doesn’t. But rationally he can know that five minutes before some of those very people were feeling the same way - and simply because you do not like doing something, does not mean you can't actually be very good at it.

What is in Charlie’s box of magic tricks that can transform fearful wimps like me into successful networkers?

“Human beings know how to have conversations. We might feel awkward, nervous but generally we can do it. The challenge is making something happen from the conversation. From a business generation point of view, a good conversation that has no outcome is a waste of time. It’s not about making and counting connections. It’s about making connections that count. A couple of simple tips. So many people think networking is selling. But if you are looking to actively sell when networking, there is a big, big problem. Nobody goes to networking events with the intention of buying anything. Over time, there is potential to become a client but initially it is about building a relationship - about knowing, liking and trusting. Imagine you go to an event which has 100 potential clients. If you look at it like that, you will go into selling modewhich is wrong, But it also limits your potential; more powerful is who do

Charlie actually believes an unnatural networker can be even more effective than a natural one who is working the room and speaking to each and every person present.

these people know? Most of them will have been in business a while and have lots of connections so, instead of trying to sell to them, start to build a relationship with them; see how you can help them. This is key in how people get networking wrong; instead of trying to get something from them, help them - build trust, then they will reciprocate. It's about depth not breadth. This may feel counterintuitive but it is really powerful.”

All well and good Charlie - but how can we even get into conversations and start to build relationships if we are petrified to walk up to someone in the first place?

“Give yourself a good, hard talking to - that’s the first thing. Genuinely when I go to most events I probably go straight into the bathroom, look myself in the mirror and tell myself it’s going to be OK. It might sound weird but it really helps. Then, look at body language. If people are close in together, don’t interrupt them. Instead look for those who are standing more side by side, forming a sort of V shape - it is almost an invitation to join them.

But here is the big one. Check out people on their mobile phones. You will see a lot of them. It looks like they are busy. But they aren't. If they really had to work, they would go somewhere quiet to do it. They are using their phones to cover their own nervousness. Go and talk to them. You are rescuing them from being on their own - and that’s a great way to start a relationship.”

Charlie also advises setting yourself a goaland a realistic one. I confessed to him that my natural inclination is to find an opportunity to leave unnoticed as soon as I can. Charlie suggests I say to myself I will talk to five new people and then give myself permission to leave whether that takes me ten minutes or an hour. Once you have achieved that you will feel proud of your achievement and probably think I can cope with meeting another two people rather than leave. Charlie also stresses the importance of not talking to one person for too long. If it's a good conversation and you've agreed to meet for a coffee next week the more you linger you may undo the good work. Move on.

Charlie actually believes an unnatural networker can be even more effective than a natural one who is working the room and speaking to each and every person present. Better to speak to fewer people (as in your set quota) and make an impression than talk to everyone and not remember any of them. Build a deeper relationship rather than a lot of meaningless ones.

Charlie’s business works with law firms in two different ways. Firstly, he can give a motivational keynote speech filled with helpful tips. Secondly, he can work with the business development team or groups of lawyers within the firm and train them.

The amount of stress that introverts experience as a result of the pressure of networking is huge. Some simple help from one who has experienced it himself is invaluable. And, instead of switching off from the whole networking experience, hopefully introverts can learn to switch off the fear of it. 

The artwork for this article is ‘Infinite Accumulation’ by Yayoi Kusama and is located at Liverpool Street station.