Cover artwork by Adrienne Marie Son
COPYRIGHT 2016 by The Quill Genre is the official literary folio of The Quill, the official student publication of Holy Trinity College of General Santos City. All rights reserved. This publication is protected by copyright and permission should be obtained from the publisher prior to any prohibited reproduction, storage in a retrieval system, transmission in any form, by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopy, or likewise. To obtain permission to use any material from this work, please submit written request to: The Quill Holy Trinity College of General Santos City Daproza Avenue cor Recto Street General Santos City 9500
genre
the official literary folio of the quill
literary editor's note
literary editor’s note Γεια σας από το σκοτάδι Geia sas apó to skotádi,
Over the years, The Quill’s official literary folio offered you diverse, captivating and heartfelt poetries that established the creativity and talents of the Wildcats. This year, Genre presents you “Kangitngit” – as the theme implies, it features different sides, definitions, and interpretations of darkness through poems, essays, and stories. Kangitngit serves as our voice that is being lost in our own insecurities and locked up in ages for we tried to keep silent. With our committed and passionate contributors, we are hoping to entertain and inspire you with Genre 2016. Enjoy reading,
Sajir Rasmei B. Pangansayan
foreword
foreword It is believed that even the purest souls have a touch of darkness. It is something you all try to conceal and always fail to do so. But when the shades start to appear, you become even more beautiful than you ever were. Genre delivers in ways it has never before. This time, you will plunge into the darkness where all of you are metaphorically blind to its beauty and purpose. This is an experience that will strike fear and cause pain, but an experience you will need to go through and overcome. For in this place, all of you who are lost will forever remain wandering in the dark unless you get around in finding your own light. This is a reflection of the humanity you possess. It is the beautifully complexed truth that the line between light and dark is never as solid as you make it out to be. So, go ahead, see your darkness and be human.
When I close my eyes It feeds me, eats me alive Then I open them
lap of shadows
lap of shadows
At eventide, I join the birds, The dawn unites with the breeze, Its shadows watch over me, As I slumbered on the bed of autumn I am the memory of a moment of sadness, I am the last gift of the living to the dead, I am a part of shame and a part of sorrow, And never look down to see my shadow. I’m a star fallen from a starry night, Scented with the fragrance of dew and wine, In bidding the night farewell, I cry, Reared in the lap of shadows in the night.
11 11
shot to the heart
shot to the heart I’m weak when you’re around Feels like falling to the ground Yesterdays are moments to forget Tomorrow, what could I get? I can’t focus on anything, I want to but it’s not working It’s killing me little by little, It’s like a song but what’s the title? My heart is in pain, It feels insane I want to go back in time, When I never knew your name
12 12
virtuoso
virtuoso
My neck hanging from your neck, Forever it will be – my sweet cemetery towards heaven. But I guess we found that heaven from a cheap dark room So we buried our soul into the abyss of hell So here I am, drinking the body scent of your wonderland A little lost, a little wasted
13 13
ang lagusan
ang lagusan
Madilim, taglay ang abut-abot na simoy Nagdarahop, ninanais maitaboy Mga matang nagiging tulay Sa pangungutya ay lantay Dinadaanan ng masisiglat pighati Larawan ng poot at sawi Langitngit ng kapighatian Daing ng kasamaan Pagsumamong mga hinanaing Nadudurog, natutunaw din Naglipanay sakim ay ubod Datapwat marangya ang inyong lingkod Sumisikat man ang haring araw Ang kasaklapan ay sadyang hindi napapanaw Ganyan ang lagusan ng buhay Marapatin mo ma’t hindi ay ‘di natatangay.
14 14
maybe
maybe The words in his lips Brought back the life Of a heart once buried Into the heart of the sea The comfort from his arm Took off all the tears Of sadness and wrecked All the worries of falling again The attention that he gave Replaced the numbness I felt throughout the days Since I fell for a wrong one A hero, yes, maybe “Save me please, Superman!� And he saved me, or did he not? Or maybe he just liked to save people - like me
15 15
This is how it feels Filling up my void Your taste, a shot of rebirth
love at first night
love at first sight I saw you there In a dress of virgin white Like an angel descended from heaven To be there among ordinary mortals I saw you there Your cute brown eyes Like the moist soil after the rains Full of hope, courage and life I saw you there Your dark, wavy hair Like the dark clouds crying vainly To match the moon’s eternal beauty
I saw you there Inspiring hope and life Like the rainbow that brings a smile After thunder, lighting in and a dull, grey sky I saw you there And realized the purpose of this life Like the firefly loves the light To love you for the rest of my life I saw you there And met my true self I never knew love This was love, love at first sight.
17 17
will this ever end?
will this ever end? Equality. Peace. Liberty.
Those were the three words Julie wanted the world to be filled with - a world without war, conflict and misunderstanding, a world where people from different walks of life can live in peace and harmony, and a world where one can truly be free. Then, she opened her eyes and fixed her tattered clothes. She looked at the ruins of her house, all up in flames. The sound of the army cars revving was a sign for her and her family – a sign of sorrow. “No! Please! Don’t take my daughter away!” she heard her neighbor scream. “I’m very sorry, Madam. This is the only way to secure your children’s lives.” A tall, muscular man dressed in camouflage replied. “Mama! No! Don’t leave me!” the young girl begged. She had thrown an intense tantrum. But, there was nothing the mother could do. She fell down on her knees, all up in tears and agony, watching her very own flesh and blood being taken away from her. Julie looked up feeling hopeless and blue. The grey shade of the afternoon sky was very gloomy. Then she looked around. Her entire town was devastated, leaving all the sweet memories of yesterday in oblivion. “Why is the world so cruel?” she thought to herself, rubbing the tears off her tender face.
18 18
A sudden breeze flew across her face. Memorable flashbacks stormed through her mind - those precious moments when her parents were still alive… when the world was free from chaos. She could remember the times when she would take a piggyback ride on her father’s back and then her mother would bring them snacks after they play. “No!” she abruptly shouted. “This is the reality!” she added. “Complaining won’t change anything! I can do nothing more but accept my fate…” Julie knelt down, covered her eyes and said. “Will this ever end?”
19 19
hades
hades
I see the doors open and close My knuckles white, I’m losing grip I see no ravens, see no crows A silent sigh escapes my lips I see the trickle of the red Dark and dirty against the sheets Like a mark, a scar on the bed That’s what I ’ll leave; my job’s complete I see no shadows hovering Just a hole where my soul should be I see no tears shed, no grieving I thought that in death I’d be free I see time fly before my eyes I am locked in a cage I built Oblivion, is this my prize? But none remained, regret nor guilt
20 20
a dark view
a dark view
I saw him again this day Knees bent; head down; palms open Mouth dry; eyes were aching, wet Another morning – mourning I saw her again this night Lips were red; eyes were darker Swayed as if born without bones Apple of men’s eyes she was I saw them again this time Smiles were fake; lies were true Pretentious as they can be Angels in words, evils at heart I saw them again laughing Eyes closed, mouths were wide open See nothing but utter wrongs Laugh itself is a sweet lie I saw her in the mirror Lips were curved; dimples were shown Eyes say nothing --- but wonder “Why am I here in the dark?”
21 21
lure
lure
A tempting lure in a heated cell, What it is, I can never tell. A taste of heat that catches my breath, A kiss from the abyss of my own death.
22 22
downfall
downfall
I still think of How you built me up When I was feeling lonely In life’s agony I still hark back To the words that you uttered The echo of your voice They’re music to my ears You took away the stings You covered all the scars All the hatred been replaced By honesty and love But the seasons went by And we also changed The feelings inside faded Deepest truths were revealed No one ever imagined We could be a broken fiber But thank you for leaving Because today I’m choosing to be me
23 23
amor falso
amor falso
I trusted you; I have loved you And gave my all to you Just when I thought you would love me the same Oh! I’m so ashamed You’re a liar and a fraud At first you were good to me But the tables turned and there you went You let me see your darkest fantasy. You wanted me because you needed me Not needed me because you loved me. You’re a poseur; a living fake. Oh! You are your parents’ disgrace. Your name is holy But I curse you You treat me like a toy And leave me no joy Such a liar, full of secrets I used to love you but now I hate you. So I must say goodbye, my bittersweet hello.
24 24
the light inside
the light inside Walked inside the darkness, Sought for brightness, Then he saw a light, But chose to go back to the worldly life. The light he rejected Was the light of the right path, And in the worldly life, He found his darkest path. Now he is in his darkest life, His darkest life where nothing is right. Then he realized, That the true brightness is not in the worldly life. He closed his eyes as he sought for the light The light that will lead him to what is right. He followed the light, the light of the right path As he drew closer, he saw an image of a man. He touched him and he felt right, He embraced him and he felt secure Then he realized, That the brightest light is found inside the dark. Walked inside the darkness, Sought for brightness. Then he saw a light, And followed it, for it is right.
25 25
Darkness clasped the earth Moonbeams kissed the deep blue sea I’ve nowhere to go.
bells
bells
Kring! Kring! KRing! I hate that sound. Yeah, it wakes me up every morning but it annoys me. It feels like I have to rush every time I hear it. I have to do and finish things as fast as I can. In every little thing I do, I feel like there’s always a time limit. If only I can wake myself up early every morning for school, I will not use this annoying thing. Ugh. Ting! Ting! Ting! That stupid school bell. Every time I hear it, I feel like I’m the laziest person ever. I feel like I’m always late and I don’t like it. That’s why when that bell rings, I always run in the corridor going to my classroom as fast as I can. And when I enter my class, my hair is messy and, my uniform is untidy already. How great, right? Ugh. Ding! Ding! Ding! That church bell. That church bell that rings every time there’s a funeral. Every time I hear that, sadness and loneliness run in me. I don’t know why but it affects me and I hate it. I don’t want tears. I don’t want to feel that and I want to avoid that if possible. But isn’t it ironic that the bell I always hate gives me that happiness I’m feeling right now? I feel like my day is incomplete without the bell that I want to hear and see. I can’t imagine my life without that bell. It gives me that rush feeling that I always want to feel. It gives me loneliness every time I don’t see that bell. It makes me feel lazy because I just want to be with that bell.
27 27
the fallen
the fallen
As I opened my eyes All I could see was darkness But I could hear someone cry And people talk with sadness I tried to speak but I couldn’t Couldn’t move either of my hands “Someone help me,” I cried in my mind But no one could feel me like they were blind As time passed by I still did the same Again and again, as if I was insane Until I felt like I was floating Towards the light, as fast as lightning And then I saw what these people were doing My family and friends were crying They couldn’t see me like I was nothing Couldn’t touch them either and I couldn’t feel anything As I turned my eyes around, I saw a wake I tried to get closer and saw my name Tears fell down as I tried to watch There lay a headless body with a golden badge.
28 28
pain battle victory
pain, battle, victory
Horrifying night, here I am lying Drowned by my thoughts though mutely sobbing Gasping for the air wrapped with my fear Wounded heart and tied-up, this I am my dear Darkness surrounds, hesitations abound Firmly grasping the bushes on this ground Huge battle, some random scenes in my head Deeply dented, I better quit instead Pain of yesterday it all banged me up As a single leaf falls onto my lap From that old tree I stare so intently Like a sword, realization hits me Amazed by that tree stood perfectly well Old it might be but fruitful I could tell A new journey for me to walk along It’s a battle with God accompanied by a song
29 29
lihim na kaibigan
lihim na kaibigan
Sa pagkakakilala ako’y namangha Mga kilos at galaw ay tunay na pambihira Ngunit batid kong tayo’y ‘di tugma Sapagka’t ikaw ay pipi at ako ay mabunganga Aking napatunayan ang tunay na kabaitan May pagmamahal sa Diyos, pamilya at kaibigan Ang ugaling ‘di makabasag pinggan Ay kaakibat ng pantas ng tunay na hinahangaan Pag-aaral ay pilit na binibigyang halaga Nang sa gayo’y sa kinabukasan maging handa Mga pagsubok na pilit iniinda Upang sa pamilya siya’y maging sinta Mga kaibigan niya’y tunay siyang minamahal Hindi man talentado ngunit marunong magtanghal Ang tamis na dulot ng pagpapagalo Ay bunga lamang ng tugon ng Maykapal Ang pamamaalam ay hindi mapaniwalaan Ngunit pilit na inuunawa upang siya ay suportahan Nawa’y sa pagtahak ng landas ika’y magkamit ng katuwaan At sa muling pagkikita nawa ako’y ‘di makalimutan Bilang isang lihim na kaibigan.
30 30
detrimental
detrimental
Our soul forming paired numbers slowly dancing with the beat And now I am trying my best to forget the taste of your mouth when we met. Our body’s sweat was dripping our breaths were almost losing We woke up in each other’s arms wrapped in the thin sheets. Burned by the cheat of our mistakes you know it takes two for our story to make Do I really deserve your shame? and was it only me to blame? I threw my red flag instead and walked away from your home empty and wasted
31 31
the murder
the murder Her
Was it me or was it you or was it just fate who broke us two I might be selfish and stupid too But you’ll come back to me, won’t you? Him Where does love go when it’s gone? Will it ever find the one? How long will my heart bleed? Will it ever stop for what you did? Her If only I could just bring back the time when I was yours and you were mine I would hold you tight and keep you so and never ever let you go Him Falling for you is a dream And loving you is a nightmare If falling in love is suicide Then I’ll try not to die again.
32 32
salvage
salvage
Drifting in the sea of grief I lost my way into the blue I am left high and dry Down with these cold feet. Standing at the edge of this cliff Where the point of no return lies Reality is the enemy, Hope falls down and dies. Fishing for a sun in my sky Someone that has a lion’s heart Seeing tunnel vision And battening down the hatches.
33 33
Your anatomy // With a pinch of love and lust // is a map of art.
hamartia
hamartia
I can never not see the passion held By eyes born of the waters of the Styx And it fills my body with liquid fire Blue and bright against the walls of Hades And my end is called by your siren song My future unseen by Cassiopeia I understand that it will not be long You are my fatal flaw, my hamartia Your lips have earned Aphrodite’s envy They rival the color of Love herself In oceans of the same hue, air leaves me I’m left to suffer then you saved yourself It’s never about me nor about you But I don’t want to silence our own songs Eros has pierced our souls bloody and true To never remain your secret I long
35 35
ang huling sisidlan
ang huling sisidlan
Nakita ko ang sarili ko na lumangoy ng napakabilis. Kailangan kong mauna at kailangan kong manalo. Napakarami kong kalaban para sa nag-iisang premyo. Binilisan ko nang binilisan, hindi ko inalintana ang iba pang nakasunod sa akin. Balewala ang libo-libo kong kalaban, basta ang gusto ko ay ako ang manalo. Makalipas ang ilan pang saglit, narating at naabot ko ang minimithi ko. Ako ang nanalo! Hanggang sa pabalik na ako sa aking pinanggalingan, ang premyo’y dala- dala ko na ngayo’y nakabalot sa akin. Sa aming paglalakad palabas, dumaan kami sa isang malapad na daan at doon ay nanatili kaming nakatayo at hindi makagalaw. Ramdam ko ako’y hinigop ng sahig na iyon, at tila ako ay pumailalim. Sa tantiya ko, ako ay nilamon ng lupa- at hindi ako makakilos. Matapos ang trahedya, ako’y nakatulog, ngunit paminsanminsa’y nagigising dahil sa pakiwari ko ay may gustong humawak sa akin at gusto akong hagkan. Ngunit narinig kong siya ay umiiyak. Hindi ko mawari kung bakit, basta ang alam ko may matindi siyang pinagdaraanan. Maya’t-maya’y may dumating, at nagsimula ang sigawan. Narinig kong lalaki ang may ari ng tinig ng taong kadarating lamang. At sabi niya sa babaeng kanina’y humihikbi, “Hindi ko pa kaya, hindi ko kayang panagutan yan...” Hindi ko batid kung ano ang ibig sabihin ng lalaki. Pero maya-maya ay naramdaman ko ang pagsikip. Para akong nasasakal, tila iniipit ako sa aking kinalalagyan... wala nang sinabi ang babae kundi umiyak nang umiyak. Hindi na muli pang bumalik ang lalaki. Lumipas ang mga araw at buwan, namalas ko ang sarili kong lumalaki humahaba. nakabalot ako sa tubig at tila may lubid na nakapulupot sa akin. Inisip ko kung ano iyon nang maya-maya pa ay narinig kong nagsalita ang babae... “Patawarin mo ako anak, hindi ko kayang itaguyod ka... patawad, anak!” Muling humikbi ang babae, hindi ko pa rin batid kung bakit at kung sino ang kausap nya.
36 36
Makalipas ang ilang oras, namulat ako na sa isang napakadilim na silid, tanging munting liwanag na nanggaling sa isang gasera ang nagbigay liwanag sa silid na iyon. Narinig kong muli ang babae na humikbi... sa pagkakataong ito, walang tigil. Dumating ang isang babae at nagsabing... “Heto, inumin mo ito,” Sa aking narinig, ako ay nasiyahan. Mabuti at may nagpainom sa babae upang maibsan ang sakit na kanyang nararamdaman. Ngunit ako ay nabigla, nang mas lalo siyang umiyak. Maya’t-maya pa ay naramdaman kong tila may pumisil-pisil sa kinalalagyan ko. Sa una’y banayad, hanggang sa unti-unting naging agresibo. Ang sakit! Napakasakit! Nakaramdam ako ng pagkahilo paninikip ng dibdib. Bigla na lang akong nagulat, may kung anong bagay ang tila gustong kumuha sa akin papalabas sa aking kinalalagyan. Saglit akong natuwa sapagkat ako’y makalalabas na, ngunit masakit ang sapilitang paghila sa akin. Hangaang sa nakaaninag ako ng isang babaeng hindi naman katandaan na may hawak na pang ipit. Habang pinagmamasdan ko siya ay bigla niyang inipit ang aking ulo, at ako ay hinila nang hinila. Masakit, sobrang sakit. Hindi nagtagal, nakalabas na ako sa aking kinalalagyan. Nakaramdam ako ng hangin, ngunit unti-unti itong nawala. Nakita ko ang babae, ang babaeng lagi kong naririnig, nakapikit ngunit patuloy sa pag-iyak. Pinagmasdan ko siya, nakita ko ang aking sarili sa kanyang mukha, siya pala ang aking ina! Ngunit bakit? Bakit siya umiiyak? Hindi ba’t dapat siyang magalak dahil ako ay narito na? Naalala kong bigla, yung lalaki! Marahil siya ang aking ama. Hanggang sa hinawakan at binuhat ako nung matandang babae, narinig ko pa rin ang iyak ng aking ina. Naghina ako ng nanghina. Inilayo ako ng matandang babae at wala akong malay kung saan niya ako dadalhin, hanggang sa ako’y kanyang binitawan... naramdaman kong ako ay bumagsak. Nasa loob ako ng isang sisidlan, tinakpan niya ito na s’yang nagpadilim sa aking paligid. Wala na akong makita at marinig, wala na akong hanging malanghap... wala na si inay… wala na yung matanda… at heto ako, wala na ring buhay.
37 37
paraphernalia
paraphernalia
I adore your existence And I don’t know why I just love your brown hair, Your cute nose and the look in your eyes I should have told you That I’ve been there when she’s not I should have told you That I could fight for you against all odds But you just disappeared You left me with false hope And you didn’t realize That I was already hurting I waited for you to come back Since you made me believe in it You promised that soon you’ll be here But you never returned Maybe it was easy for you to leave Because I’ve never been human to you I am just paraphernalia You once used
38 38
deceiving
deceiving
Seeing me from afar You’ll perceive me like a star Shining so bright in the dark night Illuminating light for me to ignite Maybe you think I’m the happiest girl alive For when I’m with you I have this smile I can’t hold back I crack jokes and laugh like there’s no tomorrow. But try to see it through my eyes There’s pain and sorrow tormenting my heart. Swarming through my veins, pondering the light This feeling that I feel I can’t hold back. In the hallway I smile, But in my room I cry, This pain in my heart is tearing me apart Slowly shattering my soul.
39 39
a note yo you
a note to you
I heard you made up another rumor about me, Oh, how you love to make me the subject of your fictional stories But it’s okay, I can handle it I saw you with him in an uncomfortable setting, You thought I’m unaware of your secret affair? Fine, you can take him. You embarrassed me in front of a huge crowd, Wow, you seem to be happy destroying my reputation Still, I can manage the humiliation it brings In everything you did, I remained calm But mark my words, honey, one day I’ll have my revenge Have fun today, because I’m still plotting the best payback you will never forget
40 40
cleansing
cleansing
Take your lips to the kitchen And wash it with acid The callus can only be so thick That you won’t even feel it sting But in case it does, remember it And I know you’d remember it well It’s no match to the wounds Your sharp tongue licked on my face Go ahead and drown in cold water It might ease the burns that appear On your chest, your legs, your neck For the oil is hot enough to burn plastic You’re a sickness, dearie, like cancer Have your little black heart checked People need to be cleansed of your toxic And I, your loving friend, included
41 41
a blind girl's message
a blind girl’s message
I am disabled and incapable; I am weak and worthless. That’s what other people say the first time they look at me. I am underestimated, bullied. No one dares to be friends me. But such things never drag me down. I can’t blame anybody I was born blind. “I can’t see anything but darkness,” that’s what people think. That’s why they think I am worthless and I am incapable. I may not see what I look like nor have an idea how our world does. But I know that everything in his world is wonderful; I know God created beautiful people. Thus, I disagree with the quote, “To see is to believe.” I don’t need to see anything, I just need to feel. I don’t need to have bright eyes to appreciate everything and to know my purpose of existence. I believe everything was made with purpose, and my blindness helps me even more to know it. I see nothing but darkness, but in it, I discover my talents, my skills and my capabilities. It also helps me see goodness within people. The world I imagine is much more wonderful than the one you are seeing right now. My part in this world is to remind everybody that there is no such thing as “perfection.” I wasn’t born perfect. There’s no perfect life nor an easy life. Darkness can strike anytime, but you must be thankful for it is just temporary. Unlike mine. After darkness, bright days come next. All blind people and I are born to remind everybody that everything has a purpose for existing. What is darkness for me? Well, it’s just my eye sight. My faith is brighter than any eyes that can see. I am disabled and incapable. I will rephrase it, I am differently able and differently capable. I simply have a challenge that is a little different from you.
42 42
p.w.
p.w.
Hell. Disturb me. Confuse me. Invade my space and never look back. Then confuse me more. Make me moan twenty-three ‘damns’ a day. Own me in the same way that you want me to own you. Destroy my mind in the most unpredictable ways you can ever imagine. Attachments. Detachments. No, attachments sounded better. Make love to me. Forget about your past and leave your baggage behind. Delete everything except me. Shh, settle down, for I am here now, with you.
43 43
a lover's sin
a lover’s sin
I stand on the hill while the sky fights for light Waiting for the time day is beaten by night In a single moment where I see twilight A moment of pause as it fills my sight I look at the sky as I remember your face I look at my hand with dread and disgrace Hands that seem clean from grime and dust I stare at my hands full of disgust I look down at the hill with tears in my eyes Remembering the day we said our goodbyes I sit by the tomb where you now sleep Holding my feelings and try not to weep Looking at the sky, I give it a grin Laughing at the moment we committed a sin I gave you my soul, you gave yours to another A moment I feel like I am a monster I yell ‘I am here! There is no forever.’ Here I stand, the killer of my own lover With tears in my eyes, I raise my blade Cutting my throat, by your side I lay. Two souls rotting on the hill of madness Letting temptation be reason for blindness A sin corrected by a sinner’s revenge A sin not worth of being avenged
44 44
terorista
terorista
‘Pag kayo’y magkasama, Aba, ang bait niya! Pero kapag nakatalikod ka, Aba, sinisiraan ka na! Sabi niya’y mahal kang talaga, Forever ito na. Ngunit maya-maya ay mayroon nang kapalit na iba, Hindi raw sinasadya. Ang tinuturing mong kaibigan Tunay nga ba? O ang hindi mo lang alam, Siya pala ang pinakamasahol mong kaaway. Hindi ISIS, AL QAEDA, o kung ano pa man ang tunay kong kinakatakutan Kundi ito, ang mga tunay na terorista sa araw-araw nating buhay. Hindi naman sa nilalahat ko ang mga tao sa buhay mo Ang tanging payo ko, mag-ingat sa mga pinagkakatiwalaan mo.
45 45
villain
villain
How can you say you love me when the choices you make always end in red sheets and tear-soaked pillows with stains that no amount of apology can ever wash out? How can you say you love me when the hands you use to hold my broken pieces together are the same claws that tear open each of my healing wounds? How can you say you love me when the words you speak to soothe my aching soul seem like liquid fire that burn the very fabric of my being? How can you say you love me when the memories I vow to never remember are the ones you keep throwing at me when the emptiness consume my days? How dare you say you love me when you keep doing all these things even when the mirror in front of you finally cracks and the person I speak to turns out to be me and I realize that the villain in my own messed up fairy tale that desperately wants me killed is my own self?
46 46
ride
ride
Love is a trance that every girl wants to find Boiling in the midst of a heart that is blind, A blinded heart that thirsts for closure. A harmonious ride of pain and pleasure.
47 47
oh, calamity
oh, calamity
When I was younger I was certain That I’d be fine without a queen Just a king inside his castle With an ocean in between Now all I do is sit And count the miles between you and me Oh, calamity We get older by the hour Watch the changes from afar Keep forgetting to remember Where we’ve been is who we are Now all I do is wonder Why we ever set the scene Oh, calamity I’ll remember nights alone And waking up to dial tones Always found my greatest moments In the sound of your hellos Now I struggle to recall The reasons you would come to leave Oh, calamity
48 48
If I catch you in the corner Will you ever know it’s me? Will I look familiar to you? Will you offer me a seat? Will we find a new beginning? Will you turn the other cheek? Oh, calamity It’s just a shame that we play strangers No act to change what we’ve become Damn, it’s such a shame that we’ve built a wreck out of me Oh, calamity Come back to me.
49 49
collection
collection
We were on my bed and it was fateful, so to speak. It was finally the night that we’ll be doing it. I got overly excited and she almost found out about my dirty little secret. That’s why I aligned my giant tool properly and made sure she was ready for when I put it inside her. Ah, her screams were music to my ears. But before I get into the juicy details, let me jump back a few weeks prior for a better perspective. The third time I saw her was when she came in to buy a copy of Moby-Dick. She was an English major, I was certain, because she frequented the bookstore since last week and she would almost always run her fingertips across the shelves of American classics. I knew she was going to buy Moby-Dick because the last time she came in, she had been holding on to it like she didn’t want to let it go. I was sure she didn’t have enough money the last time because she hesitantly put it back on the shelf. Now she was here again, her eyes bright and her smile wide. I slowly made my way to the counter and mirrored her expression. “Call me Ishmael.” I softy said. She was a little startled, her black hair falling in her face. “Not going to work,” She gave me a small smile and ran her fingers through her hair. “You know I actually did my research and I know that that is the first line of this book.” She held up Moby-Dick and chuckled. “Too bad, I actually rehearsed so I wouldn’t stutter when I would finally get to say it to you.” I replied and gave her a wink. “Oh, yeah? Okay. I’ll give you points for the effort,” Her smile never faltered, and she did have a perfect set of teeth.
50 50
“I’m Michael.” I extended my hand. “Kristin.” She replied as she shook it. The next few weeks, I learned some more amazing stuff about her. She was valedictorian in her high school and she also won Prom Queen on her senior year. I actually did hit the jackpot. Not for the reasons you might think though. Her heart was as beautiful as her face. Her mother and her two siblings were left in the province while she was studying and working at the same time. I was very careful with her. I knew she was already struggling with her schedule so I gave her time. I also knew about James, her childhood sweetheart and how he broke her by sleeping with their other childhood friend, who happened to be a guy. She hadn’t moved on for quite a while, I knew. But when I asked her to be my girlfriend, she gave me an answer without hesitation. On our first night as a couple, I invited her for dinner in my apartment and she was excited as it was the first time that I would take her home. I knew she was a virgin and that’s what I liked most about her. We got intimate as the night went on and I led her to my bedroom. I carefully placed her on my bed and she was pulling me towards her. I kissed her neck and whispered, “I have a surprise.” I took out a silk blindfold and gently covered her eyes. “I never knew you were this dramatic,” she giggled. “Oh, you have no idea.” I whispered.
51 51
● ● ● I pulled my tool out and I marveled at its length. I looked at her and she was already squirming in anticipation. I put the rubber on and climbed on the bed, sweat already rolling off my temples. I aligned my tool properly and plunged it in. She screamed as I felt it enter her. I dove in for a kiss to muffle the crazy noises she was making. The pleasure I felt was incredible! I tasted blood as she bit my lip then I pulled it out and then entered her again and again. Her screams died down as I finished and she was left breathing heavily. I took a towel to wipe off the warm liquid that squirted all over my body. I quickly went down the basement to finish the job. Several jars lined up neatly on a shelf in the back of the room. Some were empty, others were not. I placed my knife on the sink and removed the rubber gloves I was wearing. I took fresh gloves from the drawer and pulled out another tool resembling that of a dentist’s. I slowly returned to my bedroom and glanced back to the clear jar where I placed the heart I just carved out of her chest. A smirk graced my bloodied lips. “Now it’s time for those perfect teeth.”
52 52
fifty shades of green
fifty shades of green What color do I see when I look at thee. With eyes of gold, a look so bold. A color of green is what I’ve seen. A color so shady, mistaken by many. A touch, a whisper, I want to discover A hint of madness, a touch of softness A shade of plenty, as many as fifty But all I’ve seen is the color green A color of mystery, both clean and filthy.
53 53
I try to reach you You keep on moving away Will you glance a while?
i saw her
i saw her
She still has appointments every 8:30 She still wears violet She still carries her laptop with her She still has that expensive bag Her eyes still twinkle Her smile still takes my breath away The way she walks still makes me smile My heart still jumps when I see her Nothing has changed except for one thing She is now wearing a ring
55 55
monsterwithin
monster within
Beware as she gleams from her past Mask of deception that captures your trust She’s got a tricky smile that bewitches anyone Blameless lady, revenge is what she wants A sight of envy arouses from within She hales no one, her wrath is terrifying Brainless serpents who loathsomely fool her Shame on them, messing with the wrong monster She was once neat now the stalest of all From an enemy’s kiss was where she did fall Once devoted to misery’s presence Valiant beast now unchained from innocence The agonized soul craves for triumph Unbreakable vow to never be dumped The crowd misperceives her possessed mediocrity Behold, she’s a universe full of mystery
56 56
the quiet kills
the quiet kills
Hey! How’s it going? Actually, are you busy? I’ve been meaning to tell you something… I mean, if you’re not busy. Uhm, hello? Are you there? Never mind. It can wait. See you tomorrow. :) Hi! I saw you at school today. Never mind what I said two nights ago. I wanted to say it to you personally, But you were busy talking with your friends. So, yeah. Hit me up when you’re free. Thanks! Bye! See you around! :) Hi. Can I talk to you? It’s been two weeks… :/ I don’t think I can hold it inside much longer. I like you. I like you so much that it hurts. And please promise me you won’t tell anyone else. I’m sorry. I’m sorry for feeling this way. Please say something. Hello. Why don’t you talk to me? I know this is wrong. No. I mean, when has love ever been wrong? I get it. You don’t feel the same way. But you could reply, you know? :(
57 57
● ● ● Hello. Why did you tell your friends? I thought I was clear when I begged you to stay quiet. And why are you quiet now? Answer me, please. Why are you so afraid to talk about this? Why? Please just answer me. Coward. Hi. It’s been two years and I’m still hurting. I just want to say that I’m taking back my apology. I am never apologizing because I loved you. Never. I just want one thing before I leave. Please. Why didn’t you ever reply?
58 58
queen of slaves
queen of slaves
Each word you speak with a tone of seduction Keeps me serene in this world of deception A temptation is what your lips have to offer As sinful as it is, I will sin for no other. With your soul as black as Hades’ gaze I open my soul to enter your maze A slave to a master no one can name A master I love but cannot claim. A mortal and a god, we are not the same A mortal tempted by a lure in a game A soul that was once frolicking in the light Now a slave of the master of the night You made me queen of your dark world Hidden from the light in the underworld Like Hades’ queen, it is but a name For I am a prisoner of love’s cruel game
59 59
masterpiece
masterpiece
The faint sizzle of eggs being cooked was what I woke up to. It was the morning after and my stomach churned. Not from hunger, no, no. “Good morning, gorgeous.” came his whisper, the sizzling pan in his left hand and my flushed cheek in the other. He lived in a lavish apartment but didn’t have enough money to separate his bedroom from his kitchen. “Careful with that. You’ll get burned.” I muttered quite harshly. He quickly backed away and put the pan on the kitchen counter just across his bed. “Are you seriously not in a good mood? I mean, after last night?” He breathed out with his hands on his hips. I saw tiny drops of sweat trickle down his chest. I shifted and gave him a look that screamed “WHAT DO YOU THINK?” “Baby, we already talked about this.” He exasperatedly said after a short silence. His hands found their way under my chin and on my nape. I cringed. My body felt heavier by the second. “You mean you talked your way out of the conversation.” Silence. “You agreed.” “You made me.” I shook his hands off me and I stood. The blanket covering my nakedness lifelessly fell on the floor. I looked at myself in the mirror. Tiny bruises littered my skin. Blue. Purple. Pink. Red. I was his canvas and he was my painter. “Michelle’s coming home tomorrow evening.”
60 60
“I know.” How could I forget? Her pretty face hung in frames all over the apartment. “You don’t seem mad.” I pondered about what to say to that for a while. “I got used to it.” I said, making my way beside the bed to collect my underwear. “You’re getting dressed?” He asked, totally ignoring my reply. “Yes, I’m leaving right now.” “Michelle’s not going to be here until tomorrow evening.” He repeated. “Yeah, I have things to do.” “More important than me?” “Unfortunately, yes. I really have to go.” “No.” “What do you mean ‘No’?” His face contorted into a face I barely recognized. “I mean, I don’t want you to leave. I made you breakfast.” I sighed. Alright. “Okay. I will stay for breakfast, just for breakfast.” He led me to the table beside the bed and prepared the food. He was being extra gentlemanly and I was scared and sick all over again. What did he want? I asked myself.
61 61
● ● ● As I was eating, he was picking up my clothes that littered his carpeted floor. He folded them neatly and took out my bag to put my dirty clothes in. I actually had to force myself to eat especially since he was looking over every few seconds with that creepy smile of his. He then opened his garbage chute and threw all my stuff out. I was too shocked to move, I just yelled at him. “What is wrong with you?!” I went to him and screamed at his face, forgetting I was scared of him a moment earlier. “You don’t want to stay so you left me no choice.” He said, looking like a puppy that had been kicked. “I have a life too, you know! It doesn’t have to be about you all the damn time!” Something clicked inside of him like an old light bulb turning on after being unused for years. “I AM YOUR LIFE!” then he hit me, painted me in the face with another purple mark and then he had his hands aound my neck, he was choking me hard. “I MADE YOU AND I TOOK CARE OF YOU!” He continued as I struggled. I needed to get out. I wanted out. “I’m sorry!” I pleaded, my voice breaking. He then let me go, he backed away and what turned on inside his brain seemed to have turned off. He realized his mistake and he seemed apologetic. “I’m sorry I pushed you into hitting me. It’s not your fault.” I said as I slowly stood up. It was the only way to calm him down. “Come here.” He said and I did. It was too big a risk but I did anyway. He crushed me into an embrace and he whispered apologies in my ear.
62 62
“I just – I just don’t want Michelle to smell her best friend’s scent all over her husband’s body.” I reasoned. He chuckled and held my chin up in affection. “You’re my twin brother; we’re supposed to smell the same way.” He whispered and went over his closet to lend me a coat so I could go home. When I finally got out of his apartment, I felt free. I knew that I needed to get out of this life, out of his cruel world. I got home and I quickly packed all the remaining stuff I haven’t yet. I had planned it for months and now I was close to finally doing it. I had my passport and my ticket ready. I was finally going to be free. I was going to be my own person. But I wanted to leave him my last goodbye too. Three days later, I woke up to the faint sizzle of eggs being cooked. I stayed because he was right. He owned me. He created me. After all, he was my painter and I was his greatest masterpiece.
63 63
no angel
no angel
I cloaked my body with worn-out sheets To contain my demons within But you stripped me of my covers And ran your lips around my horns Told me that I was loved And that I shouldn’t hide away Something so beautiful Then the howls ripped through And you quietly whispered, “Sing for me, love. Bless my ears.” And I did, and you didn’t mind the noise Told me that I was loved And that I shouldn’t silence Something so beautiful All the while you had my claws Locked with your hands You didn’t mind the blood Nor the stench of my wounds You held me against your warm body Told me you will forever stay on my bed Even when the monster under it was me
64 64
pare, gusto kita
pare, gusto kita
Sa sobrang hot ni Andrew Wolff sinunog ko ang centerfold picture niya sa kwarto ko. Umiyak si Romeo nang binura ko ang munting mundo niya. Ginawa kong basahan ang bulaklakin at kulay pink kong damit kahit mahal ang pagkabili ko. Itinapon ko ang Ponds BB Cream SPF50 at Nichido Eyebrow Liner Duo kit ko kahit na alam kong fierce at #KilayGoals ang pagsuot ko nito dahil nga sabi mo, pinagtatawanan ako ng mga tao. Pinapaupo ko ang hinliliit ko sa tuwing iinom ako ng kape kahit nagtataka na ang mga kapatid nito. Naghukay ako ng balon para lumalim ang boses ko kahit na si Ariana Grande ang peg ko at ginawa kong idolo si Martin Nievera para sa’yo. Nagbago at nagpakalalaki ako hindi dahil gusto mo kundi dahil gusto kita.
65 65
payback
payback
Oh sweetheart, you’re a toxic that kills And I want to detoxify Mark my words Like you mark your calendar I’ll make you feel the heat of my blood While I feel yours On my tongue
66 66
song of the black roses
song of the black roses I’ve never had a better friend than you You who promised to save me with your shine Only to spread my darkness for the world to hear Who sang about my waterfalls and drank from them And called the wolves to bathe in my sorrows Now you dressed yourself nicely with bloody white wool I’ve never had a better friend than you You who swirled your tongue around my ears While you rubbed your camel to my deer Then tell me you were enjoying it But sought heaven in your gang’s red room of pain Friend, remove the lamb’s skin and get out of my bed I’ve never had a better friend than you You who blew on my trumpets and cheered me on But toppled my pyramid when I was the apex Who put the shine out of my spotlight And made me change my dance steps So you could stomp on my trusting feet I’ve never had a better friend than you You who didn’t taste your words before you spat them And let it rain on me like a million needles Then laughed at my blood and called it dirty Here’s your knife, sweetie, I got it from my back I know you’d need it again soon enough So, hear this song , feel our thorns and never forget You are the muse, we are the poets One thing’s for sure, our sweet little dear Never again will you ever come near
67 67
suicidal figures
suicidal figures
I found myself alone inside my dark bedroom. I saw the blood as it began to flow freely from my deeply wounded hands. The sharp steel took away my pulse. My heart began to stop from beating and there I saw darkness. I heard my last breath. The breath of freedom I’ve wanted. The breath of death I’ve intended. There I saw my confused soul, as it went out from my pale body. The end embraced me. Took away my life. Took away my everything. I found no happiness. No love but guilt. I’m alone in the dark. I could see nothing but a black light that covered my vision. I could hear nothing but a scream that echoes in my soul. And now that my spirit has already left the path of my existence, light me candles so I can be free.
68 68
to the one who broke me
to the one who broke me I’m all yours but you’ll never be mine I belong to you but you belong to someone else I’m happy with you but you’re happier with him I love you but you love him There is “you and me” but there will never be an “us” I can hold your hand, but I can’t put it in my heart I can touch your lips but I can’t kiss them I can love you forever but you can love me never I wish we can choose who we fall in love with So I won’t have to choose you I wish moving on is as easy as how you made me fall in love with you But wishes don’t come true, do they? So I still love you and I’ll stay in love with you And let my heart break without you knowing it And that’s the saddest truth I don’t know how long I will feel this misery Maybe until you stop hurting me But I want you to know that I’m not giving you the blame All I want is to end this pain and take this chance to say: To the one who breaks my heart without knowing it now you do
69 69
an open letter
an open letter
I’d like to see you build, break and become my inevitable and indestructible future. Let’s spill and emulsify our skins and create our own coordinates into another timeline. Ah yes, with you my love, always, with you.
70 70
green eyed devil
green-eyed devil I was never a jealous person I could let myself watch other people Have the things I want Or do the things I desire Even eat the things I crave Because I was never a jealous person
So don’t worry Go ahead and let them touch you And let them treat you dinner And maybe even let them love you Just don’t let yourself touch them Or let yourself treat them dinner Please, just don’t let yourself love them back Don’t Just don’t I don’t want to share I was never a jealous person You know that, right? I was never jealous, or was I?
71 71
My heart is breaking Breaking into smaller parts Why must it happen?
earphones
earphones
The queue I used to be in, now an open field I stand alone like a scarecrow filling in these rows of seats, but have nothing for my emptiness. Effortlessly meeting strangers on this yellow bus, but seeking real friends on haystacks. In solitary moments All I have is you, You who I wear To listen to music, Who speak perfectly in behalf of me.
73 73
the chase
the chase
The soft keys of the piano filled the room so it was easy to tune out the endless droning of the customers and let me concentrate on my reading. But, I always liked being lost in thought too, it’s like falling deep in my own Wonderland where I was Alice, the Hatter and the Red Queen at the same time. “Hey.” Oh, god. I almost forgot I was with someone. “Sorry, the book, it’s just… engrossing.” I lied. “I figured.” He chuckled. “Yeah.” I know it was a half-assed reply, and I immediately regretted lying to him. It’s just hard to look at him and not fall into a trance. So I just did what I could so he wouldn’t know I have these more-than-friendly feelings for him. I started to notice these little things like the tiny droplets of dew running down his Mocha Frappucino and the steam from my own cup of coffee. “Ben.” He said. “Yeah?” “I’ve got to tell you something.” My mind instantly went blank. So I looked over my book and noticed its old, ratty spine and the little folds and cuts on the pages.
74 74
“What is it?” I replied, nonchalantly. “It’s nothing, just shallow stuff.” I heard the pianist hit a wrong note and I thought about how he could mess up the piece a few more times. “Tell me.” I said, almost whispering while pretending to see who the pianist was. “You’re not going to laugh?” “I won’t promise anything.” I answered. “I think – I think I like someone.” Now my brain did the opposite, like a homing missile zeroing on its target. I faced him with a smile and hoped it didn’t look as fake as it felt. “Who is it? Who’s the lucky girl?” “You don’t understand, I mean, I’m nervous as hell.” “Why would that be?” “Because it’s someone you won’t even think I would like.” “Oh, so do I know who this girl is? Tell me, is it Elizabeth?” “What? No. You’re not listening, Ben.”
75 75
● ● ● “Well, you’re not giving me much to listen to.” “It’s – it’s a guy.” “What?” “It’s a guy, Ben.” “Oh, okay. You know I’m okay with it, right?” “Yeah. It’s just, I don’t even know if he likes guys too.” “Tell me, do I know this guy?” “You do. You know him very, very much.” “I see. Is it Richard? Or Charlie? Wait, give me a secon-“ “It’s you, Ben. I like you.” Remember when I said I like being lost in thought? I don’t think I like it anymore. I see it all, our history, our future, all the fantasies I dreamed up before now has the potential to be real, and my heart changed. I heard all the gears inside shifting and I saw how messed up I really was. “I’m sorry?” “You don’t have to say anything, Ben. I got it.” “No, you don’t.”
76 76
The spark was gone, lost in the melody of the piano. I realized that it was the thrill of the chase that I loved, that made me alive. Now I’m just lost. Dead. I didn’t even know what to feel. I got up and gathered my things. I didn’t want to look at him so I turned around and began walking out the door, leaving him and my feelings behind. It was never really about the destination, I realized. It has always been about the chase. Always.
77 77
burning alive
burning alive
I’m fire, you’re gasoline and when we met, our souls exploded I fumbled and groped for the fire extinguisher, But it was too late to cease fire. Because like any other flames, After reaching the peak – Both of us were burned and consumed into nothing.
78 78
red rivers
red rivers
River, river, how mightily it flows Begins and ends at the slit of a vein So cut, cut me deep and quick and clean; Let the waters wash the filth out of my soul
79 79
At long last I’m free A raven into the night Once again, I fly
contents
contents
Adznier Waya Lihim na Kaibigan, 30
Cappuccino Bells, 27
Allynna Marie Buca A Note to You, 40 Terorista, 45
CASalanan Fifty Shades of Green, 53 Lure, 22 Ride, 47
Andrea Juanatas Claire de Lune, 26 Lap of Shadows, 11 Payback, 66 Sin Amor, 54 The Unwanted, 72 Anino96 The Murder, 32 To The One Who Broke Me, 69 Aries Aerick Shot to the Heart, 12 Aryyannna Monster Within Her Soul, 56 Pain, Battle, Victory, 29 Benj Marlowe Cordero Collection, 50 The Quiet Kills, 57 Villain, 46 No Angel, 64 Black Goddess Amor Falso, 24 Deceiving, 39
Cersei Masterpiece, 60 Dark Angel The Fallen, 28 Ethanxlau Earphones, 73 Salvage, 33 Freshel Arra Acut Paraphernalia, 38 Suicidal Figures, 68 Frshlnity Downfall, 23 Innocui16 Detrimental, 31 Innocuous16 Burning Alive, 78 IAmReginaYay Ang Lagusan, 14
Jenny Rose Lantin A Dark View, 21 Jessa May Modesto A Blind Girl’s Message, 42 John Palma Lebajan, Jr. The Light Inside, 25 Julian Loyd Libasa Maybe, 15 Kenneth Vincent Inigo Will This Ever End?, 18 Mark Kiann I Saw Her, 55 MARLXWE Red Rivers, 79 Marvin Sedilla Ang Huling Sisidlan, 36 Merde16 Virtuoso, 13 Melissa Montebon #1, 16 #2, 34 An Open Letter, 70 P.W., 43
M.W. Hades, 20 Hamartia, 35 Olinor P. Avlas Love At First Sight, 17 Peppermint16 Pare, Gusto Kita, 65 Rumplestiltskin Cleansing, 41 Randee Ref. ATL Oh, Calamity, 48 Samuel Salvador The Chase, 74 Sheenalyn Dollente Queen of Slaves, 59 A Lover’s Sin, 44 The Sociopaths Song of the Black Roses, 67 Wicked Witch Green-Eyed Devil, 71
the quill editorial board Editor-in-Chief Associate Editor Managing Editors News Editor Sports Editor Feature Editor Literary Editor Senior Cartoonist Junior Staff
Adviser
Benj Marlowe C. Cordero Freshel Arra R. Acut Norabhel A. Ota単es Allynna Marie I. Buca Christine G. Pare単as Julian Loyd B. Libasa Jenny Rose L. Lantin Sajir Rasmei B. Pangansayan Sheenalyn J. Dollente Adznier Waya Andrea Juanatas Christian Jay Laurea Hannah Lea Carmela Ureta Jonyx Div Diaz Jelica Llego Priscilla Acosta-Marayag, Ph. D.
editor in chief's message
editor-in-chief’s message I am beyond honored to have curated a collection of truly vulnerable literary pieces. To be honest, I have imposed upon myself an obligation to bring forth a different kind of rawness in the Trinitarian literary scene and with this year’s Genre, I believe we have accomplished it superbly. I desire nothing else but writing to continue thriving in our community, and what seemed like an arduous task before is now a little easier to achieve. So in behalf of The Quill, I want to thank each and every contributor for opening up their souls and letting us see them at their most exposed forms. May you never stop writing and may you never be afraid to speak out your truth, however insignificant you might think it is. Now I will end your journey through the darkness by letting you in on a secret: You have the choice to remain in the dark, as well as the power to get out of it. So, just open your eyes. Best regards,
Benj Marlowe C. Cordero