The Poet

Updated: July 31, 2020

After dreaming last night that I was given a certain assignment in one of my old English classes, I decided that it would not be such a bad idea to complete this task. My assignment was to create nine characters with completely different personality types, invite them to a dinner party (hosted by me), and organize them around a circular table. The objective of this task was to put them in the best order so that Character A would not bother Character B who would not bother Character C, and so on. Ultimately, the task was to create the easiest-going dinner party possible.

So on that note, I will begin to describe my characters:

Mr. Xander Jones was a drunkard, who could recite his ABC’s at his best, and he was never to be seen without at least two packs of cigarettes in his back left pocket. He had long, tangled hair, and tan skin (probably due to his lack of bathing). He did have a wife and three children, yet their mutual acquiescence was that he would not mind them so long as they did not mind him. He was about forty-years-old, and he worked at a small business firm in southern Philadelphia. His best friend from college owned the firm, which probably accounted for the reason Mr. Jones had not been fired for fifteen years. Nonetheless, Mr. Jones was well-known to smoke and drink excessively during meals, so I was not too thrilled that he would be joining us this evening.

Ms. Delvia Ross looked to be in her mid-eighties, but nobody knew for certain. She had snow-white hair, wrinkles that covered her face as a mask does, and dull-yellow teeth from her many, many years of living. She was practically ancient, but those who possessed a certain palate of manners understood that it was probably more polite to not ask her in what year she was born. She seemed to want to cover her age with a handful of cosmetic products. Furthermore, she was a very judgemental old woman, for she seemed to only speak to young women so long as they appeared neatly groomed. And most of the time, it sounded like she only spoke to them about young men and partying. I believe she had a couple of husbands throughout her lifetime; although, I do not think any of them are still around. Nevertheless, it seems that if she was still capable, she’d be on, at least, her tenth husband.

Mrs. Gally Hopkins was probably the most talkative person I ever met. She was in her late twenties, and I believe she was married to a young man named Fred, but I never really saw him around to say much about him. He must have been an introvert, however, in order to balance out her outrageously extroverted personality. Basically, she never stopped talking about anything: work, friends, handsome young lads (evidently, she got along well with Ms. Ross), pets, social media, and more than I can even remember. Therefore, I suspected that she would be the slowest eater at the table since she would never take a pause to eat her meal, and she certainly was not the type to chew with her mouth open!

Mr. Wilmot Anderson was the stereotypical old man who hated almost everything about existence besides his ancient dog. He was never married, but he spoke of his dog Lady as if she were his wife. Sometimes I felt bad for him, for I often considered that he would not be such a pessimist if he had a wife. He needed some sort of light in his life, and unfortunately, I do not believe that his three-legged Lady was doing the trick.

The Dinner Party – Erin Sullenberger

Miss Elivia Baker was probably not even an adult yet, and if I were guessing, I’d say she was only sixteen. She was very quiet, for she was not the prettiest specimen, and I think that this fact severely affected her confidence. I did not expect her to be much of an issue at dinner this evening, for she would probably be too shy to interact (or really, to upset) any of the other guests. The only problem I could foresee was if she started to get comfortable and act out-of-character, she would be sabotaging my strategic seating order.

Mr. Jett Nelson was a middle-aged man with a wife and six kids. He seemed very family-oriented, for when he spoke, he only talked about his darling Daisy and his little Rick, Riley, Rando, Rima, Ralph, and Raquel. I believe he was a lawyer since he always conducted himself in a very professional manner. He was groomed very neatly, and in fact, he was quite handsome. I often spotted Ms. Ross and even Miss Baker making side glances toward him. He was always very cordial, though, and I suspected that I would take favor in him this evening so long as he would cease to stare at Mrs. Hopkins.

Mr. Barron Jackson was undoubtedly the loudest person I had ever met. Like Mrs. Hopkins, he talked incessantly; however, unlike Mrs. Hopkins, his commentary was mostly, if not always, full of excessive complaints. He was a very large man, too, and he had very beady eyes and extremely large teeth. I’m surprised that his teeth have not gotten in the way of all of his noisy chatter. I believe that he was married once, but I do not know the status of that relationship. Furthermore, I do not think that he ever fathered any children. Perhaps had he had a little one to look after, he would have learned to control his volume so as not to interrupt his child’s precious sleep.

Miss Nevaeh Wilson was a very beautiful young girl, who had probably just graduated from college. She was a children’s model in her youth, and I believe that her claim to fame was her brief appearance on a cereal commercial. I think that that commercial aired about fifteen years ago, but it is still the only topic that ever comes out of her mouth. She does not talk excessively nor loudly, but when she does talk, the conversation always seems to end with the same line: Yeah, that was like when I starred on TV back in 2005. She never seemed to get involved in pointless or drama-filled conversations, however, which gave her a somewhat virtuous claim. She seemed like a mostly-good character since she was very polite, honest, and down-to-earth. And although the following remark does not dampen her individual profile, I have noticed Mr. Nelson splitting his stares between both Mrs. Hopkins and Miss Wilson.

Mr. Orion Harris was about the same age as Miss Wilson, and I detected that he might have known Miss Wilson from some prior gathering. Nonetheless, Mr. Harris was one of the sloppiest eaters I had ever seen. He was very thin, yet he ate excessively. Previously, I had seen him reach over other people in order to obtain salt and pepper. He often spilled his drink or sprayed spaghetti sauce across the table while he slurped up his pasta. I anticipated that he would be the spectacle of the table during the brief moments that Mrs. Hopkins or Mr. Jackson took a moment to breathe. He hardly ever spoke; however, when he did speak, his voice was high-pitched, and it sounded like he was speaking gibberish.

Based on these descriptions, I would probably seat my guests in the following order: Mr. Orion Harris, Mr. Xander Jones, Mrs. Gally Hopkins, Miss Elivia Baker, Mr. Wilmot Anderson, Mr. Jett Nelson, Ms. Delvia Ross, Miss Nevaeh Wilson, Mr. Barron Jackson, and then me.

Mr. Jones, who would probably be too drunk to notice anyone, would not mind Mr. Harris. Along the same thought process, Mrs. Hopkins would be too talkative to notice Mr. Jones’ drunkenness. Furthermore, Miss Elivia would be quiet enough while Mr. Nelson would seem too professional for them