Grief in children and teenagers

As time passes, the pain of early bereavement begins to fade. The depression lessens and it’s possible to think about other things again. The different stages of mourning tend to overlap and can show themselves in various ways. There is no standard way of grieving as we have our own individual ways of dealing with all of life’s trials, not least the loss of someone we love.

Your doctor can help

If you feel the need for medical attention to help you through your bereavement, there is help available and you should not hesitate to contact your family doctor. Bereavement can turn our world upside-down and is one of the most painful experiences we have to endure. In some instances sleepless nights can go on indefinitely, which can be a serious problem. The doctor may be able to prescribe something to help.

Grief in children and teenagers

Children generally do not understand the meaning of death until they are about three or four years old. However, young children can still experience grief following the death of a person they were close to. Young children may need to be reminded the person who has died will not come back again, but that they can still remember the person who has died. Older children may understand what death means, but can struggle to understand their own emotions. They can also worry that they or other people they love die.

Teenagers can find it harder to cope than younger children. They may cope in ways that are difficult for you to deal with, such as refusing to talk or getting angry. If possible, it can be helpful for a trusted person to explain to a child what has happened in a way that they understand.

Some examples of organisations that may be able to help you are at the end of this leaflet.

Friends and relatives can help:

• Generally by spending time with the person who has been bereaved. • Being close to others can be a great source of comfort. It is not always necessary to say anything, just being there is enough. • It is important that a bereaved person is able to talk and cry with someone without being told to pull himself/herself together. • It can also be difficult for people to understand why the bereaved keep covering the same ground, talking and apparently becoming distressed about the same things over and over again.

However, this is an important part of the healing process and should really be encouraged. • Not mentioning the name of the person who has died (for fear of upsetting them), can lead to a sense of isolation and can add to the grief of the bereaved.