Introduction
On behalf of Garden House Hospice Care please accept our thoughts and condolences at this time. We are very aware how difficult and distressing it can be coping after a death of a loved one.
We hope that the following information answers some of the questions you may have. Please feel you can contact us for any advice or help you may need while making the necessary arrangements.
When someone dies at the Hospice
You will need to contact your chosen Funeral Director to inform them of the death. If you have not already informed the Hospice we will need to know if there will be a burial or cremation and the name of the Funeral Director.
Please telephone the In Patient Unit the next day to arrange a time for you to come in and collect any property or valuables. One of our nursing staff will be able to discuss any questions you may have during this time.
The Medical Certificate of Cause of Death will be scanned over to the Registrar’s Office by the Hospice. Please allow at least two working days before making an appointment with the Registrar’s Office to register the death.
When someone dies at home
Your GP should be contacted if it is during the day. If it is at night, a weekend or a bank holiday, the Out of Hours GP service should be contacted (this is usually accessed via your GP’s main telephone number). If death occurs in the early hours of the morning you may wish to wait until the GP surgery opens to contact the person’s own doctor.
If a nurse is present at the time, they may offer to lay out the body (a carer or a family member may wish to assist). Alternatively you may prefer your chosen Funeral Director to do this.
We will continue to offer you support and a referral to our Family Support Service if you wish.
Medication
It is the responsibility of the carer or family to return all medication to a local pharmacy for disposal. This should be carried out at your earliest convenience.
The Coroner
In certain cases, such as death following an industrial related disease like Mesothelioma or if a death was sudden and unexpected, doctors must inform the Coroner. Occasionally, a post mortem may be required, followed by an inquest. You will be advised if the Coroner is to be notified.
What has to be done after a death –an overview
The Medical Examiner Office (see below) will receive notification of your loved one’s death and their patient notes from the Hospice. The Medical Examiner will then review the information and the proposed cause of death provided by the Hospice. They will also check to see that your loved one received the appropriate care before they died.
Your appointed Medical Examiner Officer (MEO) will telephone you and inform you of the process and will explain what the Hospice doctor will write as the cause of death. They will also ask you whether you have any concerns regarding the care your loved one received.
The Medical Examiner Officer (MEO) will arrange for the Hospice doctor to complete the Medical Certificate of Cause of Death (MCCD) which will be emailed to the Hertfordshire Registration Service.
The Medical Examiner Officer/Bereavement Assistant will telephone you once the Medical Certificate of Cause of Death (MCCD) has been sent to the Registration Service and you will be able to book an appointment to register the death online at www.hertfordshire.gov.uk/registerdeath. You can attend the register office of your choice provided it is in Hertfordshire.
If the Coroner is involved, they will review the medical information provided and make a decision on whether a post mortem examination is required or if the Hospice doctor can issue the Medical Certificate of Cause of Death (MCCD).
If a post mortem is required you will be designated a Coroner’s Officer who will inform you of the findings of the post mortem.
If the Coroner is involved, you may only register the death after the Coroner has given permission to do so.
The Medical Examiner process
All deaths will be reviewed by a Medical Examiner (ME). This is an independent, senior doctor who was not involved in the care of your loved one. We also have Medical Examiner Officers (MEOs) who coordinate the entire process of ensuring the required certificate of cause of death can be issued. You will have a named Medical Examiner Officer (MEO) who will be your main point of contact throughout the entire process. The bereavement assistant also supports the Medical Examiner Officers (MEOs).
The Medical Examiner (ME) reviews the medical notes provided by the Hospice and has a discussion with your designated Medical Examiner Officer (MEO) and the Hospice doctor responsible for the care of your loved one. This is to ensure that the information entered on the Medical Certificate of Cause of Death (MCCD) is correct and that all information relating to the death is recorded appropriately. The Medical Examiner is NOT the same as the Coroner.
Your designated Medical Examiner Officer (MEO) will ensure you are informed of the cause of death and they will answer any questions you may have about the Medical Examiner process. You will also be asked if you have any concerns regarding your loved one’s care during their final illness. Although they may not be able to answer all of your questions immediately, they will advise you of sources of additional support or information.
Who are Medical Examiners and Medical Examiner Officers?
Since 2019, some senior NHS doctors have received specialist training in order to become Medical Examiners (ME). Alongside their normal working specialities, their job is to give independent advice about causes of death (except for deaths that have been referred directly to the Coroner).
Medical Examiners (MEs) look at the relevant medical records and discuss the causes of death with the Hospice doctor who was involved in the care of your loved one, and who will complete the Medical Certificate of Cause of Death (MCCD).
The Medical Examiner (ME) will provide an independent view as they have not provided care for your loved one.
During the independent review, if the Medical Examiner (ME) finds issues with care that needs further investigation, they will refer these to someone who can do this. This is usually an internal investigation with the appropriate care giver.
Medical Examiner Officers (MEOs) are specially trained Administrative staff who coordinate the entire process. They offer families and carers and opportunity to raise questions or concerns about the causes of death, or about the care their loved one received before their death. They can explain what the medical language means and make it easier to understand.
Each family is assigned a Medical Examiner Officer (MEO) who will remain their point of contact.
Coroners
When the Medical Examiner (ME) identifies a case that requires a referral to the Coroner, it is the Coroner who investigates the death independently and not the Medical Examiner.
Why
am I being asked if I have any concerns?
A discussion with the Medical Examiner Officer (MEO) provides you with an opportunity to have an open and honest conversation with someone who was not involved in providing care to your loved one. Any worries or concerns you may have can be discussed and the Medical Examiner Officer (MEO) will be able to help you identify whether you need to make a direct complaint or whether they can provide your feedback and concerns to the care provider responsible.
If there is a requirement for further investigation, unless the death has been referred to the Coroners, this will not cause a delay in the death certification process.
As well as answering your questions, any feedback or concerns received can help the NHS provide better care for loved ones in the future.
Can I ask the Medical Examiner Office to talk to someone else if it’s too difficult for me to speak with them?
Yes of course, the Medical Examiner Officer (MEO) will ask you who you would like us to speak to instead.
We understand that this is a difficult time for you and speaking to the Medical Examiner office is your choice.
Will funeral plans take longer?
The Medical Examiner office will make every effort to avoid any delays and work with families to meet the legal requirements for registering deaths.
What can I do if I have questions or concerns about the Medical Examiner process?
If you are not satisfied with the information provided by the Medical Examiner office, we suggest you discuss this with your appointed Medical Examiner Officer (MEO) First.
If you are still not satisfied, you can also contact the Patient Advice and Liaison Service (PALS) on 01438 285811 where staff will be happy to listen to your concerns and ask the appropriate member of the Trust staff to contact you to talk through your concerns as quickly as possible.
Access to medical records
During the independent review, the Medical Examiner will be able to view information held by relevant care providers using the Hertfordshire and West Essex Shared Care Record. The Shared Care Record is secure technology that allows authorised staff involved in an individual’s care to electronically access an up-to-date summary of their health and care records from multiple services. This includes, for example, records from other hospitals; hospices; community, mental health, and adult social care services; out of hours providers; and GP practices. There will still be occasions when more detail is required, and the Medical Examiner will contact a service directly to request this.
More information about the Hertfordshire and West Essex Shared Care Record is available at https://www.hertsandwestessex.ics. nhs.uk/your-health-and-care/support/shared-care-record/
Medical Certificate of Cause of Death (MCCD)
To enable to the Medical Certificate of Cause of Death (MCCD) to be completed, Medical Examiner Officers (MEOs) must follow a standard procedure. Please be aware that this process may take a few working days, depending upon circumstances.
The Medical Examiner Officer (MEO) will contact the Hospice doctor and ask them to complete the Medical Certificate of Cause of Death (MCCD). The Hospice doctors are not always available immediately to complete the Medical Certificate of Cause of Death (MCCD) when requested but you will be kept informed of any unavoidable delays.
On completion of the Medical Certificate of Cause of Death (MCCD), the Medical Examiner Officer/Bereavement Assistant will email it to Hertfordshire Registration Service and will call you to confirm this has been done.
Please do not book a registration appointment until the Medical Certificate of Cause of Death (MCCD) has been sent to the registration service.
The Coroner
Coroners are independent judicial officers who inquire into deaths, which appear to be of an unknown cause or have occurred suddenly, if the deceased underwent surgery or if they had any recent falls or injuries which has contributed to their death, or have not been seen by a GP in the required time frame.
Issue of the Medical Certificate under the Coroner’s authorisation
A referral to the Coroner does not necessarily mean a post mortem will be required.
If the person who has died had any recent operations or significant injuries that contributed to their death it MUST be reported to the Coroner. If the Hospice doctor can give a clear cause of death then the Coroner may allow them to issue the Medical Certificate of Cause of Death. This is at the discretion of the Coroner’s Office though, depending on the circumstances leading to the death.
In these cases, a delay of a few working days is usually incurred whilst the coroner looks at the circumstances. The coroner’s officer will advise when the coroner has given permission for you to call the Register Office to book an appointment to register the death.
Coroner’s post mortem
A referral for a post mortem is made when the cause of death cannot be determined by the Hospice doctor or Medical Examiner (ME). When the Hospice doctor is unable to issue a Medical Certificate of Cause of Death (MCCD), the Medical Examiner office are required to inform the Coroner. The Coroner does not require consent from the next of kin for this and it is part of a legal process.
The Coroner’s Officer, a representative of the Coroner, will keep you informed throughout the process of when the post mortem will take place and when you are going to be able to register the death.
The Coroner’s office can be contacted on 01707 292707 or via email: coroner.service@hertfordshire.gov.uk
Registering the death
It is a legal requirement that the death be registered within five working days of the Registration Service receiving the Medical Certificate of Cause of Death (MCCD).
This should be carried out by either:
• A relative
• Someone present at the time of death
• Someone who will be arranging the funeral (should the person who has died be an overseas citizen, their embassy must be notified as soon as possible).
Registration offices
You may register the death at any Registration Office in Hertfordshire. Registration services are available in Stevenage. All visits are by appointment only. This is to ensure that you are seen promptly and to avoid a lengthy wait.
You can book an appointment by calling 0300 1234 045. You can also book online at www.hertfordshire.gov.uk. Stevenage Register Office
What information will the Registrar require?
• Date and place of death
• Full name of the deceased
• Any former names of the deceased
• Date and place of birth of the deceased
• Occupation of the deceased’s spouse or civil partner
• The address of the deceased
• If the deceased was still married or in a civil partnership, the date of birth of their spouse or civil partner
• Whether the deceased was in receipt of a pension or benefits from public funds
• If readily available the Medical Card or the National Health Service Number.
Please take any documents to support the above information, but don’t worry if any are not available as the death registration can still proceed.
The person registering the death should take proof of their own identity, ie passport, driving licence, utility bill.
What documents will the Registrar give me on completing the registration?
The Registrar will issue you with a Green Form to take to the Funeral Director (in some cases this will have been issued by the Coroner) which gives permission for burial or cremation. You will also be given another form (BD8), which you should take or send to the DWP in respect of the state pensions and benefits.
You will be able to purchase copy standard death certificates. The fee for a death certificate ordered at the time of registration is currently £12.50 each. These are copies of the entry in the register, which you will need for a variety of purposes such as:
• Administering the will
• Claiming a pension
• Unlocking savings from the deceased’s accounts.
The number of certificates you require will vary according to how complicated the deceased person’s affairs were.
Tell Us Once service
The Hertfordshire Registration Service offers this free service to reduce the number of local and central government departments that Hertfordshire residents have to notify following a bereavement. The service is optional but it will greatly reduce the number of departments you need to notify. During the death registration appointment, the Registrar will enter the information onto the Department for Work and Pensions (DWP) system and give you a unique reference number along with contact details for the Department for Work and Pensions. You will then be able to access the Tell Us Once programme from home, either by phone or online. Tell Us Once can notify the following departments after you have registered a death:
Adult services
Attendance Allowance
Blue Badge parking permit
Carer’s Allowance
Child Benefit
Child Tax Credit
Children’s services
Council housing
Council Tax
Council Tax Benefit
Disability Living Allowance
Driver and Vehicle Licensing Agency
Electoral services
Employment Support Allowance
Housing Benefit
Incapacity Benefit
Income Support
Jobseeker’s Allowance
Library services
Overseas Health Team
Owe payments to council
Passport Service
Tax Help for Older People
Working Tax Credit
Tell Us Once will pass details to these departments on your behalf; the departments you have chosen to notify will contact you directly if they need any more information to process your notification.
You can also inform local authority departments not included in Tell Us Once by completing a short form which the Registrar will hand to you before you leave the office.
Other people you should consider informing
Child/young person’s teacher
Banks/building societies
Credit card companies
Insurance companies
Social Services (cancel care)
DWP (form given by Registrar)
Employer
Solicitor (if involved)
Residential/nursing home
Mortgage Lender
Dentist
If registered in the person’s name:
Cancel appointments
Telephone/water/electricity
Car insurance
Newsagent/milkman
Clubs
Landlord/Housing
TV licence
Rental companies
Inland Revenue (if self-employed)
Bereavement Support Network
Stopping Junk Mail
It is distressing to deal with a bereavement and unsolicited mail can be insensitive and destructive during a grieving process.
By visiting www.stopmail.co.uk on your mobile, tablet or computer, we are able to securely share this information with mailing organisations and under the Data Protection Act the information will not be used for any other purpose.
Other benefits reduce the possibility of identity fraud, such as assumed identity and you will only have to supply the information once.
Equipment return
Hertfordshire Equipment Services (HES) 01707 292555
If you have any nursing or occupational therapy equipment that needs to be returned, (such as hospital bed, mattress, toilet or bath equipment etc) please call the above number to arrange collection.
Mobility Aids
If you have any walking aids such as a frame, rollator or elbow crutches they can all be returned to Lister Hospital regardless of where they were issued.
Wheelchair Service (0333 234 0303)
If you have a wheelchair and/or wheelchair cushion that were provided by the Wheelchair Service please call the above number to let them know it is ready for return. Please also call HES on 01707 292555 who will arrange the collection.
Arranging a funeral and choosing a Funeral Director
The practicalities of arranging a funeral can be overwhelming, particularly when a loved one has recently died. This booklet contains information about some available options and may help you begin making some arrangements. If you want to discuss funeral arrangements and the options available to you, please speak with a member of staff.
Funeral planning and legal requirements
You can begin to make funeral arrangements as soon as you feel able. The plans can be confirmed almost immediately, unless a Coroner’s inquest is required following a death. Before making plans, it is important to check whether any specific instructions were left, or if any funeral arrangements were made and paid for in advance.
The main requirements in England and Wales are that the death must be registered with a Register of Births Marriages and Deaths and the body either buried or cremated. You do not need to have a ceremony, religious minister or Funeral Director unless you wish to; and if you want a ceremony, this does not need to take place in a Crematorium or Church.
Types of Funeral
There are many options concerning the content and duration of a funeral. Many services have a religious element, but ceremonies are available for those who would like a meaningful funeral service without reference to God or religion.
There are 2 common types of service
• At a Crematorium only
• At a Church or other place of worship, followed by a burial or cremation.
Other things to consider
There are many aspects you may wish to consider, such as whether the deceased will be available for viewing, how they will be dressed, whether to make announcements in a newspaper and so on. In reality, there is no such thing as a ‘standard’ funeral. Many people want the funeral to reflect an individual’s character, their way of life, beliefs and ideas. You may want to think about what readings and music would best fit for the person whose funeral you are planning and yourselves.
Choosing A Funeral Director
Funeral Directors will manage funeral arrangements and give advice regarding the practicalities.
Check if the Funeral Director you choose belongs to a trade association. This requires them to provide full information about their services and prices.
These factors may influence your choice of Funeral Director:
• Location of firm’s premises
• Range of services provided
• The way you are treated by the staff
• Cost
• Recommendation of those who have used the service
• Small family business or large firm.
Services Provided by Funeral Directors
Most people would probably require the Funeral Director to provide the following services as a minimum:
• Make the necessary arrangements
• Provide appropriate staffing
• Provide a suitable coffin
• Transfer the deceased from the place of death to the Funeral Director’s premises
• Care for the deceased prior to the funeral
• Provide a hearse to the Cemetery or Crematorium
• Arrange for burial or cremation, as appropriate
• Embalming, viewing of the deceased, or providing a limousine for mourners are optional extras.
Independent and ‘Family Organised’ Funerals
Many people choose to make their arrangements through a Funeral Director. However, some people consider an independent or ‘family run’ funeral to be more personal and less expensive. If this approach appeals and you have the time to research and prepare, enquire at the ‘Cemeteries and Crematorium’ Department of your local authority for guidance. You can also get information from the Natural Death Centre or other agencies listed in this booklet.
Funeral Costs
Costs for the same service may vary considerably from one Funeral Director to another. You may wish to get more than one quote to compare costs.
‘Disbursements’ is the word used for the fees paid to others, e.g. for Crematorium, minister, doctors’ certificates, newspaper announcements, flowers, etc.
Ask the Funeral Director for a written quotation detailing all these fees. Funeral payments are sometimes recoverable from the deceased’s estate.
Financial Help
If you are arranging a funeral you will be responsible for paying the bill, so check where the money will come from first.
If you are finding it difficult to pay for a funeral that you have to arrange, you may be able to get a Social Fund Payment providing you or your partner receive one of the following:
• Income support
• Housing benefit
• Job seeker’s allowance (income based)
• Disabled person’s tax credit
• Working family’s tax credit.
Advice may be obtained on financial assistance from Citizens Advice Bureau, Job Centre Plus or Herts County Council (0300 1234042 office hours).
Complaints
Most funerals are conducted well. But if you have a justified complaint, you should contact your Funeral Director.
If you are not satisfied with the response, you can complain to whichever of the trade associations listed below your Funeral Director belongs to:
• The National Association of Funeral Directors (NAFD)
• The National Society of Allied and Independent Funeral Directors (SAIF)
• Funeral Standards Council (FSC).
Advice may also be obtained from your local Trading Standards Department.
National Association of Funeral Directors
618 Warwick Road
Solihull
West Midlands B91 1AA
Tel: 0121 711 1343
www.nafd.org.uk
The National Society of Allied and Independent Funeral Directors
3 Bullfields, Sawbridgeworth
Hertfordshire CM21 9DB
Tel: 0345 230 6777
www.saif.org.uk
Natural Death Centre
In the Hill House
Watley Lane
Twyford, Winchester
SO21 1QX
Tel: 01962 712690
www.naturaldeath.org.uk
Bereavement Support Network
Tel: 0808 168 9607
www.bereavementsupport.co.uk
Choosing the right memorial
A memorial can provide a focal point of affection and remembrance. It can be a celebration of a life and often headstones are as unique as the life of the person they are commemorating. It can also mark the sense of loss, love and respect felt for a family member or friend.
Who can supply a memorial?
Most people choose to contact a memorial mason local to where their loved one is buried or interred. They will be able to offer guidance on the various stone alternatives, their suitability to your needs as well as advising you of the materials, finishes and sizes permitted by the local Burial Authority. You may also wish to contact the Funeral Director who arranges your loved one’s service as some offer in-house memorials, although most outsource to local masons. Privately owned cemeteries tend to supply their own limited range of memorials offered as part of a burial or cremation package.
What type of memorial is suitable for my requirements?
There are guidelines to follow in cemeteries and particularly in churchyards which will govern the type, size, material, finish and design of your natural stone tribute. It is important to be aware of the individual characteristics of each stone and their suitability to meet your needs. Whether you are looking for a new memorial or replacement, or to add an additional inscription, a fee will be charged either by the local council or your local parish. Your local masons will be able to provide you with an up-to-date list and will advise you accordingly.
How
long do I have to wait before placing a memorial on the grave?
New burial graves can take a while to settle, especially if there are extremes in weather i.e. heavy rain, snow or a long dry summer. In chalky and sandy areas, this settlement can take even longer, so it is recommended that you wait a minimum of 12 months before placing a memorial on your loved one’s grave. Some cemeteries have a different foundation system, meaning that you can place a headstone straight away. Stone tributes to mark a cremation plot, however, can be sited as soon after the interment as you feel ready, due to there being less ground disturbance.
How long does a memorial take to order?
Some of the most popular designs and colours may be held in stock whilst more unusual and bespoke headstones will be made to order. In these circumstances, it can take up to 16 weeks to import the stone so if you want your memorial placed by a specific date, it is important to factor in these timescales.
What happens to an existing headstone to allow for an additional burial/interment in the same grave/plot?
This is worth checking with your Funeral Director, as everyone works differently. Most Funeral Directors will use their own stone mason unless you specify otherwise, and it is often assumed that they will remove and store your existing memorial and then carry out the additional inscription. If you have a preferred mason, you will need to contact them first and then inform your Funeral Director of your wishes. You will also need to give the mason the date of the funeral so that the existing memorial can be removed in good time.
Change in circumstances and benefits
If you were receiving Carer’s Benefit prior to the bereavement this will continue for six weeks after the death of the person you were caring for.
Check that Council Tax Benefit and Housing Benefit are in your name, if not these may need to be reapplied for.
If your spouse/partner or you were on state benefits before the bereavement, or if you are now on a low income you may need this reviewed.
If you have children and are working, available benefits will depend on your income and the age of the children. If you are unable to work or are unemployed you may be eligible for increased benefits. You may also be eligible for a bereavement payment or support.
If you are under pension age
If you are a parent and any of the following benefits are in the deceased’s name these will have to be changed or reapplied for.
• Child Benefit (HMRC 0300 200 3100)
• Child Tax Credit or Working Tax Credit (HMRC 0345 300 3900).
If you are over pension age
If your spouse/partner dies then you may need a benefits review, particularly if you are now living alone.
A review is recommended as not all benefits are means tested.
• Contact the DWP bereavement line on 0800 731 0469 for advice.
• www.gov.uk has excellent advice on all benefits or contact your local Citizen’s Advice Bureau for support in finding out what is available and how to apply.
Solicitors, Wills and legal matters
Probate (administration of an estate)
This is the legal process for the distribution of the deceased’s estate (money, property etc.) You need to establish if the deceased had made a Will. This may be found at their bank, solicitor, home, with family or a friend.
When a Will is in place
The Will may include funeral wishes, wishes regarding the deceased’s estate and the name of the executor/s or the person/s legally entitled to deal with the estate. The executor/s is/are legally responsible for administrating the estate according to the wishes in the Will. If the Will is with a solicitor, they should be informed of the death. Named executors can administer the person’s estate on their own – information on how to do this can be found at www.gov.uk, or they may prefer to get help from a solicitor.
When there is no Will in place
When someone dies without making a Will, they are said to have died intestate and different rules apply. When this happens the law sets out who should deal with the person’s affairs and who benefits. Further information on this can be found at www.gov.uk. This website also gives a step by step guide on how to proceed if you want to administer the estate yourself, but you may prefer to involve a solicitor to help you through the process.
Coping with grief
It can be hard to accept death and we may feel overwhelmed and confused by new and unexpected emotions we are unable to control. Even if we were expecting the death it still often comes as a great shock when the person dies. Part of the grieving process is trying to make sense of something that may seem senseless.
Some people initially feel numb and in a state of shock and some may feel relief that the loved one is out of pain, feeling like this can lead to a sense of being very alone and separated from other people and what’s going on around us. Life at this point can feel very empty, chaotic and frightening.
As time moves on, grief may catch some people by surprise and might feel angry or full of regret. People who are grieving can become depressed, lose their appetite, be exhausted without being able to sleep and be unable to concentrate. It can be hard to complete tasks and trying to solve problems can create anxiety and panic. This can be especially challenging as there may be many practical things that need to be done.
You may find yourself feeling lonely and isolated; friends may have drifted away while you were caring for the person who was ill and it can be hard to socialise if you are feeling low.
Grieving very often takes much more time than we think. It’s often unhelpful to compare our own experience with others as each person’s grief will be different and there are no right or wrong ways to grieve.
When to ask for help
Although the pain of grief is part of living, the emotional adjustment after such a major life event is a process that may continue for some time and is uniquely individual.
It’s natural to feel impatient or to worry about others who don’t seem to be managing their grief well, so if you are concerned it can be helpful to seek advice.
The list below offers some examples of behaviour and symptoms that may be supported by seeking professional help.
• Difficult thoughts and feelings become increasingly more intense
• Loss of interest in everyday activity
• Depression and/or anxiety which intrudes on normal activities
• Loss of interest in health and personal care
• Avoidance of memories of the deceased
• Need to be excessively busy for a prolonged period of time
• Self-enforced isolation and an inability to be with other people
• Thoughts of self harm and or suicide
Grief is a natural, albeit uncomfortable process. Everyone grieves differently and you will grieve in your own way.
Useful websites for bereaved adults
www.cruse.org.uk
Cruse Bereavement Care promotes the wellbeing of bereaved people, to help them understand their grief and cope with their loss. The organisation provides counselling and support. It also offers information, advice, education and training services.
Day by Day helpline: 0808 808 1677
Email: helpline@cruse.org.uk
Young Person’s helpline freephone: 0808 808 1677
www.tcf.org.uk
The Compassionate Friends provides support and friendship for bereaved parents and their families by those similarly bereaved. For parents who have lost a child of any age.
Helpline: 0345 123 2304
Email: info@tcf.org.uk
www.widowedandyoung.org.uk
The WAY (Widowed and Young) provide a self-help social and support network for men and women widowed up to the age of 50, and their children. The main aim is to help those widowed young to rebuild their lives by helping one another.
Tel: 0300 201 0051
Email: enquiries@widowedandyoung.org.uk
www.mind.org.uk
Mind provides help and support for a wide range of mental health issues. On the website, there are downloadable booklets and leaflets, as well as crisis information and details of local services.
Infoline: 0330 123 3393
www.bereavementsupport.co.uk
Bereavement Support Network gives support and advice on what to do after a death.
Tel: 0333 240 0343
www.stopmail.co.uk
A free of charge service from the Bereavement Support Network, helps to reduce the volume of unsolicited junk mail addressed to the recently deceased.
Tel: 0808 168 9607
www.gov.uk
Information about registering a death, wills, benefits and more.
Counselling and Bereavement Support Service
The Garden House Hospice Family Support Service provides counselling and other support to people bereaved of a loved one who died under our care. You can refer yourself to our service by telephoning the hospice and asking for family support. The team will listen to you and work with you to see how they can best help support you.
Counselling gives you a confidential and safe space to help you share and better understand how you are feeling. Many people find that talking to someone other than family or friends can be helpful. Our flexible service includes counselling over a number of weeks or one-off appointments. We can work with individuals and families.
Our social worker is available to offer guidance with where to find help with social, practical and financial matters.
All our team members are all skilled in working with you to help you find meaning in your life. If you have particular religious requirements, we will support you to access an appropriate faith leader if you wish to. To
Children and Young People
The death of someone close can have a big impact on a child or young person. With the right support and information, however, children and young people can be helped to understand what has happened and learn to move forward in a positive way. There are some simple ways which can make a real difference to you and to a grieving child.
It is important to remember that children will notice changes to their world, whether big or small and can sense when something is wrong and can tell when the adults around them are stressed or upset.
Children may be more able to deal with the truth and painful information than adults. If they are not given information, they may overhear adults’ conversations and invent their own explanations, which can result in them feeling scared, worried, upset or to blame. They may react to the death of someone close to them in a variety of ways. There may be changes in their behaviour or mood. Some children will express their worries and show how they are feeling, whereas others will keep their feelings inside.
What Helps
Parents and carers can help their children by providing age appropriate information, with an opportunity to ask questions and allowing them to express their feelings and concerns.
It is important to make sure you have enough support for yourself. Inform the nursery/school/college of what has happened, as they may be able to offer support.
Children 0-11 years
• Try to continue with regular activities as far as possible. This can help children feel secure
• Children often see-saw in and out of grief, needing time to have fun as well as be sad
• Talk to the children using simple straightforward language
• Give the children as much information as they ask for
• Answer questions about death as honestly as you can
• Encourage children to talk about how they are feeling
• Children often need help retaining their memories –share memories and stories with them
• It is ok for your child to know that you are feeling sad.
Young people 12 years +
• Bereaved teenagers and young people often don’t want to talk to parents, preferring to talk to friends
• They may need to grieve privately and may be reluctant to display feelings openly
• They may take their lead from the way the adults around them behave
• They may channel their feelings into new behaviour
• They may be more likely to talk and cry with friends
If you are unsure what to tell your children, or how to explain things to them, please contact Family Support. The team will be able to discuss your concerns and help you to find ways to talk to your children about the situation. We understand that every child and circumstance is different and there is not a ‘one size fits all’.
Books List
Every child and circumstance is different and there is not a ‘one size fits all’ book that we recommend. Here are a variety of books loosely grouped into age brackets. Some of these books may overlap these groups and others may be helpful for all ages.
Pre-school Age and Upwards
• Missing Mummy by Rebecca Cole
• Little Mouse’s Big Book of Fears by Emily Gravett
• Is Daddy Coming Back in a Minute? by Elke and Alex Barber
• Little Meerkat’s Big Panic by Jane Evans
• Rabbityness by Jo Empson
• Muddles, Puddles and Sunshine by Diana Crossley
• The Rabbit Listened by Cori Doerrfeld
Primary School Age
• The Huge Bag of Worries by Virginia Ironside
• Badger’s Parting Gifts by Susan Varley
• Michael Rosen’s Sad Book by Michael Rosen
• The Secret C: Straight Talking About Cancer by Julie Stokes
• Beyond the Rough Rock: Supporting a Child Who Has Been Bereaved by Suicide by Di Stubbs
• In My Heart: A Book of Feelings by Jo Witek and Christine Roussey
• Only One of Me – A Love Letter from Mum by Lisa Wells and Michelle Robinson
• Luna’s Red Hat by Emmi Smid
• The Invisible String by Patrice Karst
• It’s Not Fair! by Jane Foulkes and Wendy Picken
• No Matter What by Debi Gliori
• Laura’s Star by Klaus Baumgart
• Goodbye Mousie by Robie H Harris
• The Rainbow Feelings of Cancer by Chia Martin and Carrie Martin
• The Heart and the Bottle by Oliver Jeffers
• The Scar by Charlotte Moundlic
• Lifetimes by Bryan Mellonie
• Drop Dead by Babette Cole
Secondary School Age
• Goodnight Mr Tom by Michelle Magorian
• A Monster Calls by Patrick Ness
• My Sister Lives on the Mantelpiece by Annabel Pitcher
• You Will be Okay – Find Strength, Stay Hopeful and Get to Grips with Grief by Julie Stokes
www.griefencounter.org.uk
Grief Encounter helps bereaved children and young people rebuild their lives after a family death. The project aims to improve resources available to bereaved children and their families.
www.hopeagain.org.uk
A Cruse Bereavement Care site that was set up by young people. Young people can email for support, and the site also makes suggestions about helpful activities/strategies that young people who are bereaved may find helpful.
www.winstonswish.org
Winston’s Wish helps bereaved children and young people rebuild their lives after a family death. They offer practical support and guidance to families, to professionals and to anyone concerned about a grieving child.
General Enquiries: 01242 515157
Helpline: 0808 802 0021
Email: info@winstonswish.org.uk
www.childline.org.uk
Childline offers a free confidential 24 hours a day, seven days a week service for children to talk to others about their feelings or concerns. The counsellor can help children to find more information, including local sources of help and advice. Tel: 0800 1111
www.childhoodbereavementnetwork.org.uk
The Childhood Bereavement Network is a multi-agency project providing information, guidance and support.
www.themix.org.uk
One-stop helpline for young people about any subject – will link callers to most appropriate service.
Tel: 0808 808 4994 (every day 1pm to 11pm)
www.kooth.com
An online counselling service for 11 to 25 year olds; it is a moderated site that offers peer support and counselling.
www.childbereavementuk.org
Child Bereavement UK supports families and educates professionals when a baby or child of any age dies or is dying, or when a child is facing bereavement.
Tel: 0800 02 888 40
Remembering Someone Special
Giving in memory
Giving a gift to Garden House Hospice Care in memory of a loved one is a special way to pay tribute to their life, by protecting the future care we can give to others. If you’re thinking of making a donation in memory of a loved one, thank you.
Donations in lieu of flowers
Our collection envelopes can be on display at funeral services for people to make a donation by cash or cheque. We also have buckets and collection tins available too.
Online tribute pages
There are many online memorial pages, such as JustGiving and Virgin Money Giving which allow you to raise money for Garden House Hospice Care, and for people to leave messages and dedications to your loved one. Make sure you choose Garden House Hospice Care as your chosen charity.
Memory Garden
Make a dedication in our virtual hospice Memory Garden on our website. You can share stories and photos and return to visit your garden at any time.
Lights of Life
We know that Christmas can be overwhelming when you’re missing someone important. That’s why we hold remembrance services called Lights of Life. Join us for one of our special services, where you can remember, reflect and celebrate the life of the person – or people – that you love.
Leave a legacy
Gifts in Wills make significant contribution to funding our work. Look out for our Make a Will scheme to write or update your Will and leave a legacy to the Hospice.
How to make a donation:
• Give securely via our website: www.ghhospicecare.org.uk/ donate
• Call us on 01462 679540 or visit the Hospice during working hours
• Send your donation by post to Garden House Hospice Care, Gillison Close, Letchworth Garden City, SG6 1QU.
Please do not hesitate to get in touch with our fundraising team to find out more about any of the above or other ways to support our work. Email fundraising@ghhospicecare.org.uk or call 01462 679540.
Thank you
Charity No: 295257
The Hospice would like to thank RNS Publications for publishing this information and the following pages contain some features from services o ering their help at this time.
Whilst the Hospice is grateful of their support it does not endorse or recommend any of the services that they provide.
