When Someone Dies
A practical guide for family and friends
All the staff at Isabel Hospice would like to offer our sincere condolences to you, your family and friends at this difficult time. This booklet has been designed to be of practical use to you during your bereavement. It aims to guide you through the necessary aspects and arrangements which need to be made. To find out more about how we can support you, please contact our Family Support team on 01707 382563.
What happens first
Firstly you will need to nominate a Funeral Director of your choice. You can ask any Funeral Director for an estimated cost before making a commitment to use their services.
Following the death of your loved one, the Isabel Hospice Doctors will complete a medical referral form which is emailed directly to the Medical Examiner Office.
The Medical Examiner Office will receive notification of your loved one’s death and their patient notes from Isabel Hospice. The Medical Examiner will then review the information and propose a cause of death. They will also check to see that your loved one received the appropriate care before they died.
Your appointed Medical Examiner Officer (MEO) will then telephone you and inform you of the process. They will explain what the Isabel Hospice Doctor will be asked to write as the cause of death. They will also ask you whether you have any concerns regarding the care your loved one received.
The Medical Examiner Officer (MEO) will arrange for the Isabel Hospice doctor to complete the Medical Certificate of Cause of Death (MCCD) which will then be emailed to the Hertfordshire Registration Service. You do not need to collect the Death Certificate from Isabel Hospice In-Patient Unit.
The Medical Examiner Officer/Bereavement Assistant will telephone you once the Medical Certificate of Cause of Death (MCCD) has been issued and you will be able to book an appointment to register the death online at www.hertfordshire.gov.uk/registeradeath
You can attend the register office of your choice provided it is in Hertfordshire. If the Coroner is involved, they will review the medical information provided and make a decision on whether a post mortem examination is required or if the Hospice doctor can issue the Medical Certificate of Cause of Death (MCCD).
If a post mortem is required you will be designated a Coroner’s Officer who will inform you of the findings of the post mortem. If the Coroner is involved, you may only register the death after the Coroner has given permission to do so.
Registering a death
Once the Medical Examiner Office (MEO) has contacted you to inform you that Death Certificate has been sent to the registrars, you can then contact the registrars to make an appointment to register the death.
They will allocate a specific time for you to formally register a death. Registering a death is a legal requirement and should normally be done within five days. However, if the Coroner’s Office is involved, this will be different. Deaths must be registered in the county in which they occur. If you are unable to attend the area where the death occurred you must contact the registration service for advice.
Who may register a death?
Regulations state that only certain people can register a death with the Registrar of Births, Marriages and Deaths.
A relative of the deceased who was present at the time of death
A relative of the deceased in attendance during the illness
A relative of the deceased residing in the same local district
A person present at the time of death
The occupier, i.e. Matron or Officer in charge of a nursing home or rest home, provided they knew of the illness before the death
The person responsible for the disposal of the body i.e. an executor, solicitor or similar
You will need to know:
The full name and address of the deceased
(maiden name if applicable)
Their date and place of birth
The occupation of the deceased
The name, date of birth and occupation of spouse if applicable
If married more than once, the names of the former spouses
The Registrar will give you:
A Certificate for Burial or Cremation (known as the Green Form) unless the Coroner has given you an Order for Burial or a Certificate for Cremation.
Whichever form you are given will be needed by the Funeral Director so that the funeral can be held
A Certificate of Registration of Death (form BD8) for the Department for Work and Pensions
In addition, you may buy as many copies of the Full Death Certificate as you require, for example for banks or insurance claims
Booking an appointment
To book an appointment to register a death, please visit the Hertfordshire Registrars website. The online system allows you to book at any time, choose from any of the eight register offices and pre-order and pay for Death Certificates.
Please do not make an appointment until you have received a call from the Medical Examiner, to inform you that the Death Certificate has been securely scanned to the registrar. You will not be able to register the death until the registrar is in receipt of the Death Certificate.
Booking an appointment
The addresses of the Hertfordshire Register Offices are:
Bishops Stortford
Riverside House, 2 Hockerill Street, CM23 2DL
Cheshunt
Bishops College, Churchgate, EN8 9XH
Hatfield
19b, St. Albans Road East, Hatfield, AL10 0NG
Hemel Hempstead
The Forum, Marlowes, HP1 1DN
Hertford
County Hall, Pegs Lane, SG13 8DE
Stevenage
Danesgate House, Danesgate, SG1 1WW
St.Albans
The Gatehouse, 1 Victoria Square, 1 Victoria Street, AL1 3TF
Watford
31 Hempstead Road, WD17 3EY
To make an appointment, please visit: www.hertfordshire.gov.uk/registeradeath Or scan the QR code
Alternatively, you may call them on: 0300 123 4045
People you may need to inform
There may be various people or organisations who need to be informed of the death, including:
Solicitors
Bank or Building Society (if there is a joint account the partner can continue to draw cash)
Employer or Trade Union (check if any wages or pensions are due)
Tax Office
Department for Work and Pensions to cancel pensions, allowances, benefits etc
Local Social Services if meals on wheels, home care, day centre transport was used
The Family Doctor (GP)
Landlord
Insurance including motor insurance (anyone driving a vehicle insured only in the deceased person’s name is not legally insured)
Gas, electricity, telephone companies, Royal Mail, milk deliveries, newsagents (change the name for future accounts or cancel the service if the home is left unoccupied)
Library, subscriptions, clubs
Experiencing Grief
Grieving is part of bereavement and it can affect people in different ways.
You may experience some of the following:
Numbness and difficulty accepting that the person has died
Thinking you’ve seen or heard the person, or searching for them
Difficulty sleeping or eating
Feeling physically low or worrying about your health
Sadness
Anxiety and restlessness
Guilt
Anger
Loneliness
It can undermine your self-confidence
Depression or feeling like you are going mad
Finding difficulty in everyday situations and coping with relationships
Disappointment about the plans and dreams that will never be fulfilled
And sometimes, feelings of relief
What may help?
You may or may not have any of these feelings. It is important that you allow yourself to experience whatever feelings arise. It may be helpful at this time to be patient and kind with yourself, allowing space and time to grieve. Grieving can be exhausting and allowing time to rest can be beneficial. Sometimes it may be helpful to delay making important decisions or having unrealistic expectations of yourself.
Bereavement is one of the most painful experiences we have to endure, yet so many go through it without the need for medical attention. However, if you feel physically unwell and more concerned about your physical or emotional symptoms, please seek advice from your GP.
Try to express your emotions
Remember that you need time to think, rest and sleep
Be gentle with yourself
Try to accept that some things are beyond our control
Don’t be afraid to ask for help
Isabel Hospice Bereavement Support
Adult Service
Our Bereavement Support team offers anyone linked to an Isabel Hospice patient, a confidential space helping you to cope with feelings of loss and grief. This is an open service which can be accessed at any time after the death, even if it has been months or years.
We have a fully trained Bereavement team who offer 1-1 sessions via telephone, online or face to face at our Welwyn Garden City sites.
We offer six sessions initially and will re-assess to continue support if required.
Grief Encounters is a bereavement support group which is for anyone in the community within our catchment area. It consists of 6 weekly sessions held in Welwyn Garden City, Hoddesdon and Bishop’s Stortford.
Usual Practice
During the month following death, family or friends for whom we have an address will be sent a letter and leaflet with details of our bereavement support. This will offer a call back, if requested, by our bereavement team in the 3rd month on our ‘phone out’.
‘Phone out’ is always done in the third month following the death, we will call family and friends linked to the patient’s record without an address. Research suggests, this can be a helpful time, when initial support from others close to you may have subsided a little.
Children's Service
We offer support to children whether or not they are linked to an Isabel Hospice patient.
We know that all children and young people grieve. It is normal, and children's grief is expressed differently to the adults around them. Each child is an individual and will face bereavement in their own special way. What we say about death to our children or when we say it, will depend upon their age, understanding and experiences and perhaps your family's beliefs or culture.
Our bereavement support is available to any child up to age of 18 who have experienced a bereavement, and have a GP in eastern Hertfordshire (our catchment area).
We offer 1:1 support and group support via face to face, school visits, telephone or online support.
In Memory
Funeral Donations
There are many special, personal ways to give a gift in memory of your loved one at their service. Each invaluable gift helps Isabel Hospice continue to provide outstanding palliative care for all.
Many of our supporters organise for donations to be made to Isabel Hospice instead of flowers and we can provide donation envelopes and personalised collection boxes to distribute at the service.
Supporters can also set up an online funeral collection via our Always Loved Tribute page. The page offers friends and family a place to donate and also allows you to share funeral arrangements, leave messages of condolence, share photos or light a virtual candle.
In-Memory postal donations via cheque and one-off or regular on-line donations are gratefully accepted at any time.
To find out more please visit: www.isabelhospice.org.uk/inmemory or call our In-Memory team on 01707 954827 to find out more.
In Memory Events
Open to all, our remembrance events provide wonderful opportunities for families and friends to celebrate and remember precious times spent with loved ones who are no longer with us.
Lights of Love
Lights of Love is a chance to come together with people who have been touched by our care, or who simply want to gather with others to remember someone special, near or far.
Held in the run up to Christmas in five locations across eastern Hertfordshire, the evenings offer an uplifting programme of seasonal music, song, readings, book of dedication and refreshments. There is a moment of reflection before switching on the ‘Lights of Love’ to mark the light and warmth brought to the world by those we remember.
Celebration of Life
This family-friendly, summer afternoon gathering is a joyous and reflective mixture of live musical performances, readings and delicious teas in beautiful surroundings.
Please visit www.isabelhospice.org.uk/inmemory to find out more.
Comments
We're always pleased to receive suggestions (including any complaints) from you and your family, as these may help us to improve our services. You may speak with any member of staff looking after you about any aspect of your support, or visit our website www.isabelhospice.org.uk/compliments-andcomplaints/
Service Quality
Although Isabel Hospice is an independent charity, we are regulated by the Care Quality Commission (CQC) which inspects Isabel Hospice on a regular basis to ensure we are providing high standards of care.
You are welcome to send comments (good or bad) to: www.cqc.org.uk/give-feedback-on-care Telephone: 03000 616161
Printed January 2025
www.isabelhospice.org.uk
The Hospice would like to thank RNS Publications for publishing this information and the following pages contain some features from services o ering their help at this time.
Whilst the Hospice is grateful of their support it does not endorse or recommend any of the services that they provide.
STOPPING JUNK MAIL
It is distressing to deal with a bereavement and unsolicited mail can be insensitive and destructive during a grieving process.
By scanning the below QR code on your phone or visiting www.stopmail.co.uk, we are able to securely share this information with mailing organisations and under the Data Protection Act the information will not be used for any other purpose.
Other benefits reduce the possibility of identity fraud, such as assumed identity and you will only have to supply the information once.
Probate Matters?
You may need help, support or advice on what to do when someone dies in relation to probate.
Freephone: 0808 168 5181 Mobiles: 0333 240 0360
We offer free guidance and advice on the legal and financial aspects of bereavement including your responsibilities and whether probate is required.
Calls are free from most land lines, some calls may be monitored for training purposes and all calls are confidential. This service is provided by the Bereavement Support Network Ltd.
This publication has been jointly developed between ourselves and the hospice. We hope that it has been or will be of help at this time and we welcome any comments or suggestions that you may have.
Please contact us either by phone, email or by post.
RNS Publications, Trium House, Unit 15, Broughton Way, Whitehills, Blackpool FY4 5QN
