Kirkwood Hospice Bereavement Booklet

A guide to help you during your bereavement

A guide to help you during your bereavement

The Kirkwood provides specialist care, free of charge, to adults from all communities in Kirklees with advanced, progressive illnesses at any time from diagnosis to the end of life, respecting their individual needs and wishes. Care and support is also provided for their family members, friends and carers, both during the illness and after death.

In order to achieve this, we rely upon the many volunteers who donate their time to complement the work of the staff.

The Kirkwood is a Registered Charity (No. 512987). Any donations toward the cost of caring is always appreciated.

How The Kirkwood Counselling Team can help

The Kirkwood Counselling Team can help you in the following ways:

• Counselling and Psychotherapy

• Telephone Counselling & Telephone Support

• Family Support

• Couples Support

• Bereavement Support Group

• Newly Bereaved Group

Children

Due to the Covid-19 pandemic we do not have the facility to work with children and young people, however the team are available to offer advice and support.

Books and leaflets are available which are designed for adults and children. These provide guidance when talking to children about the illness and death of a close family member or friend and how to answer their questions.

Practical Arrangements

1. What to do first

Registering a death

Before the death can be registered, you will require a medical certificate which states the cause of death. When someone dies at The Kirkwood the medical certificate will be issued by a hospice doctor and will be sent to the Registration Office.

The Kirkwood staff will explain what you need to do next and will be available to help with any questions you may have.

Please wait 24 hours from the loss of your loved one before making an appointment to register at www.kirklees.gov.uk/beta/ deaths-funerals-and-memorials/register-a-death.aspx. This is where you will make the appointment to visit the Register Office to Register the Death. If you are unable to access the internet or have problems with this link, you can telephone The Register Office, Dewsbury 01924 324733 or Huddersfield 01484 221030.

If you do need any further help with this, please call our Inpatient Unit Administrator on 01484 557900 or your Funeral Director will also be able to assist you.

When someone dies at home, the first official telephone call should be to the GP who will need to confirm the death. The GP will then issue the medical certificate stating the cause of death and sent to the Registration Office. If the death happens during the night or outside normal surgery hours, there will be an out of hours number for you to contact.

Who may register a death?

Regulations state that only certain people can register a death with the Registrar of Births, Marriages and Deaths:

• A relative of the deceased who was present at the time of death

• A relative of the deceased in attendance during the last illness

• A relative of the deceased residing in the same local district

• A person present at the time of death

• The occupier i.e. Matron or Officer in Charge of a nursing home or rest home, provided they knew of the illness before the death

• The person responsible for the disposal of the body i.e. an executor, solicitor or similar

You will need to take with you:

• The deceased’s birth and marriage certificate (if available)

You will need to know:

• The full name and address of the deceased (maiden name if applicable)

• Their date and place of birth

• Occupation of the deceased

• The name, date of birth and occupation of spouse if applicable

• If married more than once, the names of former spouses

The Registrar will give you

Whilst at the time of publishing this leaflet all information is correct, should any procedures differ, the Registrars will advise you.

• Certificate for Burial or Cremation (known as the Green Form) unless the Coroner has given you an Order for Burial or a Certificate for Cremation. Whichever form you are given will be needed by the Funeral Director so that the funeral can be held

• A certificate of Registration of Death (form BD8) for the Department for Work and Pensions

• In addition you may buy as many copies of the Full Death Certificate as you require, for example for banks or insurance claims

2. Registering the Death

Deaths that occur in The Kirkwood or at a place within the Kirklees area can be registered at the Huddersfield or Dewsbury Office.

You will need to register the death normally within five days of the person dying:

Huddersfield Register Office*

The Town Hall

Ramsden Street

Huddersfield HD1 2TA

Telephone: 01484 221030

*use the Corporation Street entrance.

The offices are open:

Dewsbury Register Office

The Town Hall

Wakefield Old Road

Dewsbury WF12 8DG

Telephone: 01924 324733

Mon: 9.00am - 5.00pm

Tues: 9.00am - 5.00pm

Wed: 9.00am - 5.00pm

Thur: 9.00am - 5.00pm

Fri: 9.00am - 5.00pm

Sat: 9.00am - 12.00am

You will need to make an appointment. Closed on bank holidays

3. Coroners, Post Mortems and Inquests

In some circumstances the death may have to be referred to the Coroners Office. The Coroner is a doctor or lawyer appointed by a local authority to investigate certain deaths. These may include an unexplained or sudden death, an accidental death, or if the death was a result of an industrial disease for example, mesothelioma (this is not a complete list).

Referrals to the Coroner are infrequent and should not be a cause for concern. The role of the Coroner is to establish the cause of a person’s death; therefore in some cases, a post mortem and inquest may be ordered. The family will be kept informed of what is happening throughout this process. The death cannot be registered whilst the Coroner is still investigating it. However, this does not necessarily mean that the funeral will have to be delayed. A Coroner’s interim certificate can be issued so that you can continue with funeral or other practical arrangements.

4. Choosing a Funeral Director

The choice of a Funeral Director is important. You should feel comfortable and confident with them. You can ask any Funeral Director for an estimated cost before making a commitment to use their services. It is reasonable to seek estimates from more than one company.

The Funeral Director needs to know and discuss with you:

• The name, age and religion of the deceased

• The place of death and name of the doctor who has signed the medical certificate

• Any particular requests left by the deceased

• If burial or cremation is required

• The type of service, hymns, cars, flowers, newspaper notices etc. you would like

• The style of coffin

The Funeral Director will need the Green Form from the Registrar’s Office.

5. Burial or Cremation

Cremation

If you choose cremation, an additional form is required. If the death occurred in The Kirkwood this form will be completed at The Kirkwood by two doctors and will be collected by your Funeral Director. Costs of crematoria are governed by local authorities.

Ashes can be buried in the churchyard or cemetery or they can be kept or scattered (although in some places, consent may be required to do so).

Burial

Your family may already have reserved a burial plot for which you will have a deed or grant. This will show the plot number of the existing grave. You will need to take this document to your Funeral Director.

If you do not have a reserved plot then your Funeral Director will advise and assist you on the availability of a new plot. Some churchyards are no longer open for burials because there is no space left.

6. People you may need to inform

There may be various people or organisations who need to be informed of the death:

• Solicitors

• Bank or Building Society (if there is a joint account the partner can continue to draw cash)

• Employer or Trade Union (check if any wages or pension are due)

• Tax Office

• Department for Work and Pensions to cancel pensions, allowances, benefits etc.

• Local Social Services if meals on wheels, home care, day centre transport was used

• The Family Doctor (GP)

• Landlord

• Insurance including motor insurance (anyone driving a vehicle insured only in the deceased person’s name is not legally insured)

• Gas, electricity, telephone companies, Royal Mail, milk deliveries, newsagents (change the name for future accounts or cancel services if the home is left unoccupied)

• Library, subscriptions, clubs

7. Checklist

Check that the medical certificate is being sent electronically

Make appointment at Registrar’s Office

Register the death

Contact funeral director

Contact solicitor if necessary

Notify Department for Work and Pensions

Contact any private pension providers

Inform bank or building society

Notify any private insurance companies

Notify council tax office

Return blue badge for disabled parking

Contact family doctor (GP)

Contact dentist

Cancel any future outpatient appointments

Inform Utitliy companies

Return any medical equipment

Contact Gateway to Care to cancel services

Inform DVLA and return driving licence

Contact car insurance company

Cancel any online accounts

Cancel any subscriptions

Done

8. Things which may need returning

• Passport - Liverpool Passport Office

• Driving licence - return to DVLA, Swansea

• Car registration documents to record change of ownership - contact DVLA, Swansea

• Blue Badge for disabled parking - return to local authority

• Library books and tickets - return to local authority

• Any NHS or Hospice equipment on loan

• Stair lift - contact the Kirkless Direct team on: 01484 414933

• Wheelchair services: 01422 312729

• All other equipment - Kirklees Medequip Services: 01484 728970

• Medication in the home - return to supplying pharmacy

9. Stopping Junk Mail

If someone you know has died, the amount of unwanted marketing post being sent to them can be greatly reduced which helps to stop painful daily reminders.

By registering with the free service www.stopmail.co.uk the names and addresses of the deceased are removed from mailing lists, stopping most advertising mail within as little as six weeks. If you cannot access the internet you can call 0808 168 9607, where you will be asked for very simple information that will take only a few minutes to complete. Alternatively, ask the bereavement team for a leaflet that can be returned in the post.

This free of charge service provided by the Bereavement Support Network will actively reduce the unwanted marketing mail but also can help reduce the likelihood of identity theft following the death of someone close. The information is not used for any other purpose and you only have to complete this once. Additionally to Stop Mail a comparable service can also be accessed from the Bereavement Register or Deceased Preference Service if you would prefer to use them.

10. Dealing with a deceased person’s money and property

When a person dies, somebody has to take the responsibility of dealing with their estate and this is often a family member or a close relative. It may be that all of these arrangements were discussed and sorted out before the person died, but sometimes this is not the case.

If the deceased person left a will, and it names someone other than yourself as the ‘executor’, then you should contact that person immediately. It is the ‘executor’ who will deal with the estate. If the will is invalid or if there is no will at all, then the person who deals with the estate is called the ‘administrator’. If you have any doubts about these roles or you are unsure what to do, there is a lot of useful information you can access on the internet at: www.direct.gov.uk

If you do not have access to the internet you may seek advice by contacting your local Citizens Advice Bureau, Age UK, Law Centre or a Solicitor. They will be able to help you.

There is information in this booklet if you are interested in leaving a gift to The Kirkwood.

The death of a family member or friend can be a devastating experience and can bring about stronger emotions than you have previously felt.

For some people the grieving starts at the time of death; for others it starts at the time of diagnosis.

Grief may involve a series of changes in our life-style and in our attitude to living.

It is a social and emotional upheaval - the world with which we are familiar has changed, so we may need to be able to adapt to new circumstances. Change can be stressful, it is often difficult to get used to new situations.

How we cope with grief depends on how close we were to the person who died, on our age, on our personality, the amount of support we get from others and on our own beliefs about life and death.

Grieving is part of bereavement and it can affect people in different ways. Grieving may include some of the following:

• Numbness and difficulty accepting that the person has died

• Thinking you have seen or heard the person or searching for them

• Difficulty sleeping or eating

• Feeling physically low or worrying about your health

• Sadness

• Anxiety and restlessness

• Guilt

• Anger

• Loneliness

• It can undermine your self-confidence

• Depression or feeling you are going mad

• Finding everyday situations and relationships difficult to cope with

• Disappointment about the plans and dreams that will never be fulfilled

• And sometimes, feelings of relief

You may or may not have any of these feelings. It is important that you allow yourself to experience whatever feelings arise.

Bereavement is one of the most painful experiences we have to endure, yet many go through it without the need for medical attention. For those who do run into problems, however, there is help available and you shouldn’t hesitate to contact your family doctor.

Thoughts from others who have used our services

Here are some practical ideas which have been suggested to the The Kirkwood Counselling Team by people who have used our service which may be of help:

• Take time to feel the loss - build in some quiet time to be alone and undistracted

• Find healthy ways to relieve stress - for example, through activity, exercise, relaxation or prayer

• Make sense of your loss - pushing away painful thoughts only makes them stronger

• Confide in someone - this may be a family member, a friend, clergy or therapist who can listen and support you

• Allow yourself to change - loss of people and roles in our life can change us

• This is a time of major change and re-evaluation. Allow yourself the space to explore these areas with those whom you trust

• Take care over any life changing decisions, for example moving house, legal or financial concerns

• Take care of yourself - attempt to rest and eat well and to allow yourself time to deal with and express your grief

Grief in Children and Young People

Children will react and cope in various ways according to their age and level of understanding. Generally, children do not understand the meaning of death until they are 3 or 4 years old. They are likely to go through periods of time when they seem to be unaffected by the death.

Children and young people often know and understand far more than we give them credit for.

Knowing how painful bereavement can be, adults may attempt to shield children and young people from the pain by telling them little or nothing about what has happened.

Try to let children and young people share your grief and encourage them to express their feelings. It is common for them to think they were responsible in some way for the death.

Talking, reading, drawing and playing games can be helpful.

The charity Winston’s Wish offers a range of practical support and guidance to bereaved children, their families and professionals. They provide help in individual and also group settings, as well as Helpline support. For support please contact their Helpline on: 08088 020 021 or visit: www.winstonswish.org

Supporting a bereaved friend or a relative

Giving time to provide the opportunity for talking and for tears can be particularly helpful for the bereaved. Words are not always necessary; just listening and giving your time can be most helpful. You will find that some people need to cover the same topic over and over again. This is an important part of the healing process and should be encouraged. It is important that the bereaved person be allowed to talk and to cry without being told to pull themselves together.

Practical help, such as helping with chores or child care, can ease the bereaved person’s stress.

Places to contact for help

Department for Work and PensionsBereavement Services

0800 731 0469 - one telephone call will enable you to cancel benefits, make claims for bereavement benefits and funeral payment and also make any changes to state pensions.

Citizens Advice Bureau

Huddersfield & Slaithwate

1 & 3 Brook Street

Huddersfield

West Yorkshire HD1 1EB

Tel: 0808 278 7896

Batley, Dewsbury & Spen

Valley

Units 5/6 Empire House

Wakefield Old Road

Dewsbury WF12 8DJ

Kirklees Benefit Advice

Tel: 0344 848 7970

Visit: betteroffkirklees.org.uk

to learn more about what benefits you may be entitled to and help on how to apply for them.

Tel: 0808 278 7896

Age UK

Huddersfield

4 - 6 Square

Halifax HX1 1RJ

Tel: 01422 252040

CRUSE

National Helpline

Tel: 0808 808 1677

Contact information for further bereavement support

BRAKE

P. O. Box 548

Huddersfield HD1 2XZ

Tel: 01484 559909

Helpline: 0808 800 0401

Help for bereavement through a road crash.

Huddersfield Muslim Burial Council

Visit huddersfieldmbc.org for contact details.

Child Death Helpline

Tel: 0800 282 986

The Miscarriage Association

2 Otters Holt

Wakefield WF4 3QE

Tel: 01924 200 799

Support group.

Widowed & Young

Visit: www.widowedandyoung.org.uk

Support for widowed men and women across the UK.

MIND

Tel: 0300 123 3393

Information helpline.

Samaritans Huddersfield

14 New North Parade

Huddersfield HD1 5JP

Tel: 116 123 (freephone)

A 24 hour emergency service for the despairing and suicidal.

Support for Children and Young People

Childhood Bereavement Network

Tel: 020 7843 6309

Child Bereavement UK

National Helpline

Tel: 0800 028 8840

Email: helpline@childbereavementuk.org

Hope Again

National Helpline

Tel: 0808 808 1677

Email: hopeagain@cruse.org.uk

Winston’s Wish

National Helpline

Tel: 0808 802 0021

www.winstonswish.org.uk

Grief Encounter

National Helpline

Tel: 0808 802 0111

Email: grieftalk@griefencounter.org.uk

Making a will ensures that your wishes are carried out after your death. Many people die without a will and this can cause additional stress for family members.

Some people choose to remember The Kirkwood in their will. This is a vital source of income for us. Last year, the care of one in every five patients was funded through the generosity of supporters leaving us a gift in their will. Perhaps you would like to consider supporting The Kirkwood in this way too?

To find out more about leaving a gift in your will to The Kirkwood, please contact the Fundraising Team on: 01484 557911.

In Lieu of flowers and In Memoriam Donations

When planning a funeral, many families choose to limit flowers and ask family and friends to make a charitable donation instead.

If this is something you would like to do for The Kirkwood, we can help by providing donation envelopes, which can be given to those attending the service.

Our donation envelopes are a very simple and convenient way to collect donations. There is space on the envelope for the name and address of each donor, meaning we can thank them afterwards and give them the opportunity to Gift Aid each personal donation made by a UK tax payer, adding 25p to every £1 donated.

Please call on: 01484 557911 or email us at: fundraising@thekirkwood.org.uk to order your envelopes.

Have you received support or care from The Kirkwood? Would you like to help us to make our services better and have your say on new initiatives? If so, we would like to invite you to come along to Connect with The Kirkwoodour User Forum.

Connect with The Kirkwood is a quarterly group meeting. We encourage you and those important to you to tell us what you think about the services we offer at The Kirkwood.

The forum takes place in a relaxed and informal environment where we talk openly and honestly about a range of subjects. As such, anything you say at Connect with The Kirkwood is confidential.

To help you feel comfortable about speaking openly and honestly about the services you, your family or friends have received from The Kirkwood, Connect with The Kirkwood is run by members of the team who aren’t involved in day-to-day care.

We take feedback very seriously and use it to decide how well our services are working from the point of view of those that use them. Your feedback helps us to plan for the future and make our current services better.

Contacting us about Connect with The Kirkwood

If you would like to help us improve the care we provide by attending our Connect with The Kirkwood User Forum, please contact Catherine Thompson or Joanne Martin on: 01484 557900

An Everlasting Memories Tribute Fund is an enduring way for you to remember someone special.

It allows you, your family and friends the opportunity to come together to remember your loved one, the life they lived and the impact they made, in a very personal and positive way.

The Fund is named after the person you are remembering. All the money that is raised in their memory for The Kirkwood Hospice is allocated to the Fund, which you can watch grow over time.

To find out more about setting up a Tribute Fund, contact us on: 01484 557911 or by email at: tributefunds@thekirkwood.org.uk

You can also visit our Tribute Fund homepage: www.everlastingmemories.kirkwood.org

Disclaimer: These details are correct at the time of press. The Kirkwood does not take responsibility for the standard or quality of any of the services provided by voluntary or private agencies outlined above and on previous pages.

I will never forget Mummy and I will never forget Kirkwood.

Tom Barker, aged 8

List of Funeral Directors

Bollands (Birstall) Funeral Directors

18 Kirkgate, Birstall, Batley, WF17 9PB

Tel: 01924 472178

Charles Wood Funeral Services

St. Johns Chapel of Rest, Bramston Street, Brighouse, HD6 3AA

Tel: 01484 720811

Bradley Funeral Service

9 Copthorne Square, Bradley, Huddersfield, HD2 1SJ

Tel: 01484 534488

Coop Funeralcare

Greenhead Road, Huddersfield, HD1 4EN

Tel: 01484 428961

Brighouse Funeralcare

44 Huddersfield Road, Brighouse, HD6 3RA

Tel: 01484 713512

David Butterfield Funeral Directors

Bradford Road, Rawfolds, Cleckheaton, BD19 5LT

Chambers Funeral Service

8 Northgate, Almondbury, Huddersfield, HD5 8RX

Tel: 01484 429991

Tel: 01274 852885 / 01924 685770

Deborah Ingam Funeral Service

59-61 Highgate Lane, Lepton, Huddersfield, HD8 0DS

Tel: 01484 451313

Gateway Funeral Services

Southfield Terrace, Birkenshaw, BD11 2AN

Tel: 0800 007 6842

Gateway Funeral Services

DJ Screen & Sons

98 Elland Road, Brookfoot, Brighouse, HD6 2QR

Tel: 01484 719999

53 Bradford Road, Cleckheaton, BD19 3LB

Tel: 01274 891335

Gateway Funeral Services

DJ Screen & Sons

222 Bradford Road, Fartown, Huddersfield, HD1 6LJ

Tel: 01484 425220

432 Halifax Road, Bradford BD6 2JY

Tel: 01274 891336

Gateway Funeral Services

Eric F Box Funeral Directors

Bradford Road, Dewsbury, WF13 2EW

Tel: 01924 465402

494 Bradford Road, Batley, Wakefield WF17 5JY

Tel 01924 682195

George Brooke Ltd

14 Sharp Street, Dewsbury, WF13 1QZ

Tel: 01924 454476

Gateway Funeral Services

363 Wakefield Road, Denby Dale Huddersfield

HD8 8RP

Tel: 01484 706206

George Brooke Ltd

9 Battye Street, Dewsbury, WF13 1PW

Tel: 01924 454476

George Brooke Ltd

14a St. Paul’s Road, Mirfield, WF14 8AX

Tel: 01924 497352

Huddersfield Funeral Home

106 St. Thomas’ Road, Huddersfield, HD1 3LL

Tel: 01484 819364

Golcar Independent Funeral Directors

51 Leymour Road, Golcar, Huddersfield, HD3 4SW

Tel: 01484 644650

Mackness Funeralcare

318 Wakefield Road, Dalton, Huddersfield, HD5 8DQ

Tel: 01484 542255

Heckmondwike Funeralcare

Park View House, Westgate, Heckmondwike, WF16 0EH

Tel: 01924 401143

McNulty Funeral Services

25 New North Road, Huddersfield, HD1 5JU

Tel: 01484 426278

Herman Tattersfield & Son

Bath Road, Cleckheaton, WF16 9EA

Tel: 01924 403630

Michael E Wright & Son

4a Westfield Lane, Scholes, BD19 6EN

Tel: 01274 871092

Highfield Funeral Services Directors

West Croft Trinity Street, Huddersfield, HD1 4DT

Tel: 01484 428243

Michael E Wright & Son

Farfield Street, Cleckheaton, BD19 3TX

Tel: 01274 871092

Mirfield Funeralcare (Inc.

Joseph Sheard)

8 Nettleton Road, Mirfield, WF14 9AA

Tel: 01924 492219

Radcliffe Funeral Services

16 Westgate, Honley, Holmfirth, HD9 6AA

Tel: 01484 662324

Morley, Rhodes & Wainwright Funeral Directors

12 Radcliffe Street, Skelmenthorpe, HD8 9AF

Tel: 01484 862095

Radcliffe Funeral Services

The Lindens, New Road, Kirkheaton, Huddersfield, HD5 0JB

Tel: 01484 535853

Naylor & Grysdale Funeral Directors

Spring Gardens Chapel, Lightcliffe Road, Brighouse, HD6 2DJ

Tel: 01484 715332

Richard H Fearnley Funeral Directors

745 Huddersfield Road, Dewsbury, WF13 3LQ

Tel: 01924 494435

Pearson Funeral Service

Manchester Road, Marsden, Huddersfield, HD7 6EY

Tel: 01484 844289

Slaithwaite Funeral Home

Old Bank, Slaithwaite, HD7 5AR

Tel: 01484 819303

Pearson Funeral Service

7-9 Station Road, Meltham, Holmfirth, HD9 5NX

Tel: 01484 688575

The Gables Funeral Service

22 New Hey Road, Marsh, Huddersfield, HD3 4AH

Tel: 01484 424235

The Taylor Funeral Service

2 Cowlersley Lane, Cowlersley, Huddersfield, HD4 5TY

Tel: 01484 656156

TW Birks & Son

Holme Valley Funeral Home, Woodhead Road, Holmfirth, Huddersfield, HD9 2PR

Tel: 01484 839043

Ref: The Kirkwood Bereavement Book

Review Date: August 2025

Publication Date: August 2023

TW Birks & Son

317 Meltham Road, Netherton, Huddersfield, HD4 7EX

Tel: 01484 839533

Notes ............................................................................................................................................................... ............................................................................................................................................................... ............................................................................................................................................................... ............................................................................................................................................................... ...............................................................................................................................................................

The Hospice would like to thank RNS Publications for publishing this information and the following pages contain some features from services o ering their help at this time.

Whilst the Hospice is grateful of their support it does not endorse or recommend any of the services that they provide.

It is distressing to deal with a bereavement and unsolicited mail can be insensitive and destructive during a grieving process.

By scanning the below QR code on your phone or visiting www.stopmail.co.uk, we are able to securely share this information with mailing organisations and under the Data Protection Act the information will not be used for any other purpose.

Other benefits reduce the possibility of identity fraud, such as assumed identity and you will only have to supply the information once.

This publication has been jointly developed between ourselves and the hospice. We hope that it has been or will be of help at this time and we welcome any comments or suggestions that you may have.

Please contact us either by phone, email or by post.

RNS Publications, Trium House, Unit 15, Broughton Way, Whitehills, Blackpool FY4 5QN 01253 832400

enquiries@rns.co.uk