4 minute read
Telling People about the Death
Telling People about the Death
You will need to tell other people about your loved one or friend’s death. This can often be very difficult. You may get very upset and be unsure who to tell and what to say.
You may feel that you want to tell people yourself, but this can be tiring and emotional, so don’t feel you have to do it all. You could contact key people and ask them to let other people in their group of family members know. You may find it useful to start by writing a list of people you need, or would like, to contact and how you want to contact them. Using an address book, mobile phone or social networking site may help you make a list.
You may also find it helpful to think about what you want to say and write it down before you contact people. There is no right or wrong way to tell people, but the following sentence might be a starting point: “I’m sorry to say I have some very sad news (name of person) has been ill for some time/was suddenly taken ill and died earlier today/this week.’’
One of the ways you might consider telling people about your loved one’s death is by using an online tribute website, such as Much Loved. Certain circumstances may mean that you can’t say goodbye to family and friends as you would wish to. With the cost of funerals rising, some families are opting not to have a service or funeral. Much Loved creates a special, dedicated place where you can share the words you wanted to say and remember and celebrate your loved one. They offer individual tribute pages and shared dedication pages.
You can create your own special memorial website in tribute to your loved one, where you can share memories, thoughts and stories with family and friends as well as light candles, add music, photos and videos. You can also collect fundraising donations for a special charity or project in their name, organise events, celebrate anniversaries – and much more. They even have Remembrance Gardens: a collection of virtual gardens to help you commemorate loved ones.
www.muchloved.com
Telling official agencies and organisations
Once the death has been registered, the Registrar will add the details of your friend or relative onto the Tell Us Once database. The Registrar will then give you a unique number relating to your friend or relative. You will need to visit the Tell Us once website (www.gov.uk/tell-us-once) or call 0800 085 7308 and use the unique reference number provided along with a few other details about them including ideally National Insurance number. This service will notify a range of government departments of the death all in one go, saving you having to ring lots of different departments. The Registrar will send you more information about this service after registering the death.
Financial Help
If you receive certain benefits e.g. Universal Credit, you can apply to the Government for a Funeral Expenses Payment to help pay for the costs of the funeral. You can download the form at www.gov.uk/funeral-payments/eligibility or call 0800 731 0469.
There are many other possible sources of financial help. Information about charitable grants can be found online. For example, you can search www.funeralguide.co.uk/helpresources/arranging-a-funeral/help-with-funeral-costs or www.turn2us.org.uk
Social Media and Memorialised Accounts
After a death, you may be considering what to do with property and other physical assets, but you may not always consider the vast collection of emails, social media profiles, pictures and music that are left online. These may include important memories and communities of people that were close to your loved one but may not have had the chance to attend the funeral. These sites, particularly social media sites, can become an important source of support and a way for families and friends to create a durable biography during bereavement. This sharing of stories, photos and memories are a source of comfort for many and for others may cause distress, particularly if these sites become a place for trolling (people who do not know the deceased and leave disturbing comments). It’s a very personal decision how you handle these types of accounts after death. Maintaining and adjusting privacy settings is important.
You may wish to post a death notice online as a way of telling more people about your loss. In this case you should try to make sure that all close relatives and friends have been informed before anyone adds messages to a public memorial such as Facebook; this can be a distressing way of finding out about a death.
Facebook, Instagram or Google have a range of methods to deal with the death of their users (see overleaf). You can get information about this from their individual websites. This may help you decide what to do with the content on social media sites.
Facebook and Instagram
You can delete the person’s profile or choose to memorialise and set up a legacy page with a named contact person. This legacy contact can take responsibility for the memorialised profile. More information can be found at Facebook and Instagram help centres: www.facebook.com/help/search/?query=memorialised%20 accounts
help.instagram.com/search/?query=memorialised%20 accounts
Twitter can assist by deactivating or deleting the account but cannot allow someone else to take over the management of the account. Help around Twitter accounts can be found at: help.twitter.com/en/rules-and-policies/contact-twitter-abouta-deceased-family-members-account
Google offers an ‘Inactive Account Manager’ service which gives the family some rights to obtain data from the person’s accounts, close accounts and to request funds from their accounts: support.google.com/accounts/troubleshooter/6357590?hl=en
Email Accounts, Memberships and Other Online Accounts
Email accounts and memberships to online music providers may also need to be considered. Each provider will have its own specific way of managing what happens after one of its users dies. You might wish to take time or seek the assistance of a relative or friends to help address these matters.
