After the funeral

When someone dies

Settling the deceased person’s estate can be confusing, time consuming and distressing. If you have been named as executor in the Will, it is your responsibility to see that the person’s wishes, as you understand them are carried out.

This will include payment of funeral expenses. Debts and taxes as well as the disposal of their possessions and other assets.

If it seems likely to be complex it may be worth using solicitors and accountants to help you. Fees will be charged for these services, usually by the hour. This money will come out of the estate. Make it clear precisely what work your solicitors or accountants are required to do. While the estate is being sorted out, immediate access to funds can sometimes be difficult, but a solicitor may be able to arrange alternative financial support. Alternatively you can contact the Citizens Advice Bureau for free advice.

Life then begins to return to normal for most people, except close relatives and friends who could find the process of adjustment to their loss more difficult. Try to avoid making hasty decisions, especially if you now find yourself living alone.

Everyone will have their own ways to remember the person who has died. Talk about them, mention their name as often as you can and put the emphasis on the good things that happened when they were alive. Members of the family or close friends might appreciate a photograph or a small keepsake as a reminder.

Most important of all will be your own memories.

Patient Advice & Liaison Service (PALS), Derriford Hospital

PALS is about listening, learning and working with you to improve your health service. Should you wish to discuss any aspect of the care your loved one received please contact PALS Monday to Friday 9:00am to 5:00pm on:

Telephone: ☎ 01752 439884/432564 Email: plh-tr.PALS@nhs.net

If you want to talk

We understand that when looking back some people may have some unanswered questions and we would like to offer you the opportunity to discuss your relative’s time in our care.

If you would like to accept our invitation please call the Medical Examiner Office on ☎ 01752 439492 who will be able to make arrangements.

Ref: D-26/PS/AR/ help for bereaved relatives For Review: July 2023 Published February 2022

Miss me, but let me go

When I come to the end of the road, And the sun has set for me, I want no rites in a gloom filled room Why cry for a soul set free. Miss me a little - but not too long. And not with your head bowed low. Remember the love that we once shared

Miss me - but let me go. For this is a journey that we all must take, And each must go alone. It’s all a part of the Master’s plan, A step on the road to home. When you are lonely, and sick of heart, Go to the friends we know, And bury your sorrows in doing good deeds. Miss me - but let me go.

Anon

Death is nothing at all. I have only slipped away into the next room. I am I, and you are you. Whatever we were to each other that we are still.

Call me by my old familiar name, speak to me in the easy way which you always used. Put no difference in your tone; wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow.

Laugh as we always laughed at the little jokes we enjoyed together. Play, smile, think of me, pray for me. Let my name be ever the household word that it always was. Let it be spoken without effort, without the ghost of a shadow on it.

Life means all that it ever meant. It is the same as it ever was; there is absolutely unbroken continuity. What is death but a negligible accident? Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight.

I am waiting for you for an interval, somewhere very near just around the corner. All is well.

Henry Scott Holland (1847 - 1918)

This booklet has been produced in consultation with the Register Office and local funeral directors. We hope you find it helpful. If you have any comments or suggestions on how we may improve it please let us know. Contact the Medical Examiner Office on 01752 439492 or write to us at the Medical Examiner Office, Level 07, Derriford Hospital, Plymouth PL6 8DH.

The Hospital would like to thank RNS Publications for publishing this information and the following pages contain some features from local services o ering their help at this time.

Whilst the Hospital is grateful of their support it does not endorse or recommend any of the services that they provide.

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stopping mail

STOPPING JUNK MAIL

It is distressing to deal with a bereavement and unsolicited mail can be insensitive and destructive during a grieving process.

By scanning the below QR code on your phone or visiting www.stopmail.co.uk, we are able to securely share this information with mailing organisations and under the Data Protection Act the information will not be used for any other purpose.

Other benefits reduce the possibility of identity fraud, such as assumed identity and you will only have to supply the information once.

www.stopmail.co.uk 0808 168 9607 from a landline 0333 006 8114 from a mobile

Your own place to remember

The moments you shared – they won’t be forgotten.

Memory Space lets you connect and share memories of your loved one with friends and family, while giving you a place to honour them by raising money for Mind in their name.

Each photo posted, message written and donation made creates a ripple, meaning the love they brought to the world reaches further. That way, more people will get the mental health support they need.

Visit mind.org.uk/memoryspace