May we offer our sympathy to you, your family and friends during this difficult time.
This booklet is designed to provide practical advice and to help you with all the arrangements that need to be made. We hope that you will find it helpful during the next few days. It gives guidance on who can help and where further information can be obtained, as well as explaining procedures such as registering a death and arranging a funeral.
The days following bereavement can be very difficult, but there are formalities which must be dealt with promptly.
When Death Occurs
Phone Bereavement Services:
RBH
0300 019 4125/4152/5752/5653 after 10.00am the next working day
Poole 0300 019 2673
Medical Examiner or Medical Examiner Officer will phone to discuss the proposed cause of death and any concerns or queries you may have.
Bereavement Services will phone you when the Medical Certificate of Cause of Death (MCCD) is ready and they will make an appointment with the Register Office for you.
Contact Funeral Director
Attend appointment at the Register Office
If the death occurs over a weekend or on a Bank Holiday the process of issuing the Certificate will not begin until the next working day.
What to do first
Please telephone the Bereavement Service Office after 10.00am the next working day (except Bank Holidays) in order to speak to a Bereavement Officer who will take you through the next steps.
We apologise if the telephone line is engaged for a long period, we may be talking to another bereaved family. We advise you do not set a date for the funeral until you have spoken to us. However, you can speak to a Funeral Director to begin making arrangements for the funeral.
Bereavement Service Office RBH 0300 019 4152/4125/5752/5653
Bereavement Service Office Poole 0300 019 2673
Opening hours are Monday to Friday 8.30am – 3.30pm
The Bereavement Office RBH is located on the ground floor, West Wing in Orthopaedic Outpatients (opposite Ward 1).
The Bereavement Office Poole is located in the front entrance to the side of Costa Coffee.
Please do not come to the hospital without telephoning first and getting confirmation that all property is ready. We are unable to release property outside of these hours. Our office will be happy to help you with any queries.
Medical Examiner Office
All deaths must be reviewed and the Certificate must be signed by a Medical Examiner.
A Medical Examiner is a senior doctor who was not involved in the care of the patient previously. Their role is to independently review the care and circumstances prior to a patient’s death.
The Medical Examiner’s Office will agree the information written on the Medical Certificate of Cause of Death (MCCD), to ensure it is accurate. If a Coroner’s referral is required, the Office will ensure this is done appropriately and in a timely manner.
A key part of the Medical Examiner’s Office is to discuss the cause of death with the bereaved. After all paperwork is completed, a member of the office will contact you to explain the MCCD and answer any questions you may have; they will also give you the opportunity to raise any concerns about the care given to the patient. Any feedback raised to the Office is appropriately passed on and may lead to further investigations. Once you’ve spoken with the Medical Examiner and they have signed the MCCD it will then be processed by the Medical Examiner’s Office. The MCCD will be passed to the Bereavement Services Team, and they will contact you to book an appointment to register the death.
If a Coroner’s referral is required, a member of the Office will also contact you to discuss the reasons for the referral, along with the next steps, before sending the paperwork to HM Senior Coroner for Dorset.
Collection of personal property
The personal property of the deceased may only be collected from the Bereavement Services Office by the following:
• A relative of the deceased
• Executor of the Will
• Funeral Director, with authorisation from the next of kin
• Friend, with authorisation from the next of kin
• A person arranging the funeral
When a person dies in hospital their property and valuables will be checked by two members of staff and then sent to the Bereavement/Property Office, where they are re-checked.
The next of kin, or other person from the list, may collect the property from the Bereavement Services Office after phoning to confirm that all property is ready for collection.
Viewings
If you would like to see your relative after they have been taken from the ward, limited viewing facilities are available in the hospital through the Bereavement Office.
It is helpful for viewings to take place Mon-Fri between 10:00am – 3.00pm to enable us to provide the best support necessary at this time.
If you require a viewing outside of these hours please contact the main hospital switchboard on 01202 303626 (Royal Bournemouth) or 01202 665511 (Poole) to speak to the Clinical Site Team who will be able to see if this can be arranged for you.
The Bereavement Team is mindful of meeting the needs of deceased patients in a multi-cultural society and the requirements of different faiths. We have Chaplains available who support all faiths. If you have any questions, please do not hesitate to contact the Bereavement Office.
POST MORTEM – see page 19
If a Post Mortem is carried out the Hospital will not issue a Death Certificate, please go to page 19.
Contacting a Funeral Director
You do not have to wait until the Medical Cause of Death Certificate has been issued to make contact with Funeral Directors. However, you may like to take time in making this decision, and to compare costs and services offered. A list of local names and addresses can be found on the internet, telephone directory and at the back of this booklet on page 26.
Registering the Death
Where to register the death.
The Register Office is open
Monday to Thursday 9.00am to 4.30pm, Friday 9.00am – 4.00pm.
Bournemouth Register Office
Town Hall
Bournemouth
BH2 6DY
Phone: 01202 123777
www.bcpcouncil.gov.uk
Christchurch Register Office
26 High Street
Christchurch
BH23 1AW
Phone: 01202 123777
www.bcpcouncil.gov.uk
Poole Register Office
The Guildhall Market Street
Poole
BH15 1NF
Phone: 01202 123232
www.bcpcouncil.gov.uk
What if I live outside the area?
All deaths must be registered in the district where the deceased has died. However for relatives living outside the area, the death may be registered by declaration at your local registry office. Please advise the Bereavement Office if you wish to Register by Declaration and they can let you know the process. Please be aware this may cause a delay because the Death Certificates will be posted to you.
How to register the death
Once the MCCD has been completed, the Bereavement Office will contact you to book a registration appointment at a mutually agreed date and time. The MCCD is then sent electronically and securely to the Registrar.
Who can register the death
• A relative of the deceased.
• Someone present at the death.
• The person making the funeral arrangements.
What needs to be taken to register the death:
The Register Office offers a service which enables you, through the Registrar, to tell a number of Government Agencies and the Borough of Bournemouth, Christchurch and Poole local authority. The service is free and will save you time. The information you give will be treated securely.
Using this service the following departments will automatically be informed:
• D W Pensions
• The Pension Service
• Disability and Carers Service
• Jobcentre Plus
• HM Revenue & Customs for Child Benefit and Tax Credits
• HM Passport Office
• Housing Benefit Office
• Council Tax Benefit Office
Information you will need with you
• The deceased’s National Insurance Number and/or date of birth
• Information on benefits or services the deceased person may have been receiving
• Passport
• DVLA
• Libraries
• Blue Badges
• Council Housing
• Adult Services
• Children’s Services
• Council Tax
• Electoral Services
• Driving Licence
• Disability Badges
• Bus Pass
• Medical Card
• Marriage Certificate (if appropriate)
• Birth Certificate
(Please do not worry if you do not have any of these, the important one is the National Insurance Number.)
The Registrar will ask you for the following information. You may like to fill in the spaces below before you go to the Register Office.
The date and place of death:
Full name and surname/family name:
Date and place of birth of the deceased:
Address, including postcode of the deceased:
The last full-time occupation of the deceased:
Date and place of birth of surviving widow/widower/civil partner: ...................................................................................................................................................
Maiden name/family name (if applicable):
This information will form an entry in the Death Register.
The Registrar will give you three documents:
• Death Certificate The Registrar will issue copies of the Death Certificate for a charge. A Death Certificate has a Crown copyright and may not be photo-copied. These may be necessary for sorting out the estate of the deceased person. You may request the return of certified copies from banks, etc. Copies may be purchased later. The Bereavement Team can advise of the cost of the Death Certificate. Several may be needed for purposes such as those listed below:
• For letters of administration
• Closing bank or building society accounts
• For insurance companies and private company pensions
• Stocks and shares owned by the deceased
• Premium bonds or other National Savings
• Green Form The Registrar will scan this electronically to the Funeral Director.
• White form BD8 A certificate of Registration of Death which is required for the Department for Work and Pensions for pension purposes. This will not be issued when you have used the Register Office’s free service using the deceased’s National Insurance number.
Arranging the Funeral
You can do this before or after the death is registered. It is important to contact a Funeral Director as soon as possible after a bereavement so that advice and assistance are given from the beginning and initial arrangements can be made.
We are unable to recommend a Funeral Director, however there are numerous business directories available as well as internet search engines you may find helpful.
You do not have to wait until the doctor has completed the Medical Cause of Death Certificate before you contact a Funeral Director, however you may like to take time in making this decision.
A funeral is a time for celebrating the life of the deceased as well as a time for saying goodbye and sharing grief. Before making the funeral arrangements, you may wish to give some thought to what sort of funeral the deceased, you, the family and friends would prefer; a private gathering or a bigger ceremony, whether or not there should be a religious ceremony.
Funeral Directors may be contacted by phone 24 hrs a day, seven days a week, though offices may only be visited during normal office hours.
Most Funeral Directors belong to trade associations with codes of practice that guarantee that a funeral will not cost more than the written estimate. It is perfectly in order for you to ask for more than one estimate from different firms. The final choice of Funeral Director is entirely yours.You may wish to put an announcement in the national or local newspapers giving
details of the funeral and wishes about charity donations or flowers. The classified advertisements department of the newspaper will be pleased to help you with wording and give you an estimate of costs. Funeral Directors will also arrange this for you.
Who needs to be told about the death
You will probably want to let the family, friends and neighbours know of the death right away. There are several other people who may also need to know.
These are some of the arrangements that may need to be made: Done
Funeral Director
Priest, Minister or Faith Leader
The Benefits Agency (pensions, benefit)
The Bank, Credit Cards, Building Society
Social Services (home helps, home care)
Schools, College or University attended (if applicable)
Place of work (occupational pension)
Executors of the Estate (Will)
Solicitor
Insurance Companies
Library Service
Inland Revenue
Residential or Nursing Home
Landlord, Housing Association, Mortgage provider
Council Tax Office
Electricity, Gas, Telephone, Water Companies
Post Office (redirect mail)
DVLA Swansea
Careline
Cancel any appointments - delivery of papers etc
Pets - make necessary arrangements for care
If the deceased was living alone you will need to ensure that their home is secure and remove all signs that indicate no-one is there. You may wish to collect spare keys from other relatives, friends and neighbours.
The Coroner’s Office and Post Mortems
Some deaths are reported by hospital doctors to the Coroner’s Office, e.g:
• An unnatural death
• Death was sudden or violent or caused by an accident
• Death might be due to an industrial injury or disease
• The death occurred while the patient was undergoing an operation or was under the effect of an anaesthetic, or a recent fracture
The Coroner will then decide whether or not a post mortem examination is needed. The Coroner has a legal right to request a post mortem even if this is contrary to the family’s wishes. They will make any necessary arrangements, and give the Register Office the relevant forms so that you can register the death.
You will not receive a Medical Certificate of Cause of Death from the hospital when a Coroner’s post mortem examination is carried out. The Coroner’s Office will send the relevant paperwork straight to the Register Office. The Coroner will contact you with the cause of death and ask you to telephone the Register Office to make an appointment. You will go straight to the Register Office to register the death. You only need to come to the hospital if the deceased has property and/ or valuables to collect.
If there is a post mortem, the results go only to the Coroner in the first instance but if you wish you can get a copy of the Post Mortem Report by applying in writing to:-
The Coroner’s Office
Town Hall, Bourne Avenue, Bournemouth BH2 6DY 01202 123900
Please tell your Funeral Director if the death is reported to the Coroner.
Wills and Probate
If you have any queries about the deceased person’s Will or regarding the absence of a Will you can contact your local Probate Registry.
What is Probate?
When a person dies somebody has to deal with their estate (the money, property and possessions left) by collecting in all the money, paying any debts and distributing what is left to those people entitled to it. In order to get authority to do this the designated person usually needs to obtain a legal document called a Grant of Representation from the Probate Registry. There are three types of Grant of Representation.
Probate - Issued to one or more executors named in the deceased’s Will. Note: Executors are people named in the Will to deal with the estate.
Letters of Administration (With Will) - Issued when there is a Will but there is no executor named or when the executors are unable or willing to apply for the grant.
Letters of Administration - Issued when the deceased has not made a Will, or any Will made is not valid. If the deceased left a Will, Probate will generally need to be obtained. If there is no Will, Probate cannot be obtained and instead you will generally need to apply for Letters of Administration, before you can administer the Estate. In both cases, the processes involved are very similar and the Form PA1 can be used. This needs to be completed, and sent or taken to the Probate Registry. You can obtain this form from your local Probate Registry or download it from the website.
If your relative or friend wished to donate their body to medical research you should contact the Medical School at the University of Southampton – telephone Southampton 02381 205763 as soon as possible and advise the Bereavement Team. Please note that the University may not always be able to accept a donation.
GRIEF: When Someone Dies
The death of someone you love may be a devastating experience, causing stronger emotions than most people have ever felt before.
Feelings
Even if you knew your loved one was dying, there is still a sense of shock when the death occurs. You may feel cold, numb, empty and unreal for a time. Following this you may experience such emotions as anger, panic, guilt and sadness. This may also be accompanied by periods of restlessness, especially at night when it may be difficult for you to sleep. You may also react by becoming irritable or critical of yourself and others, or by feeling unable to attend to routine matters or to think straight, which can lead to feelings of despair. All these are natural reactions to bereavement, and are not a sign that you cannot cope any more.
Grief is a very individual process, and we each react differently. What is important is that you allow yourself time to grieve and to come to terms with your loss, in the way that is right for you.
Support
You may prefer to organise things by yourself, but you may also want to consider the help of relatives or a close friend. Often they want to help share the burden.
During this time you may need extra support. Do not be afraid to speak about your feelings to someone. Other people may be afraid to speak about your loved one for fear of upsetting you. You may need to let them know when you want to talk. Tears are a natural way of releasing emotions: do not be embarrassed by them.
You may also like to seek the support of a spiritual advisor, regardless of your beliefs, and that includes the hospital chaplain, who can put you in touch with a minister of your denomination or religion if you wish. You can contact the Chaplains’ Office by telephoning
RBH hospital on 0300 019 4221
Poole Hospital on 0300 019 2167/8153
Allow yourself time to grieve. You may already be very drained physically and emotionally if your loved one had been ill for a time. If you feel unwell, or are concerned about physical symptoms, go to see your GP.
There are also various organisations locally who can offer further support and counselling for you.
You will have good days and bad days, but in time, the pain will ease, and you will find yourself able to remember your loved one without becoming distressed. You never ‘get over’ a bereavement, but you gradually adjust to the loss, and start to live anew.
Some people may feel unable to grieve after a death; perhaps because they are caring for someone else and feel that they ‘have to be strong’. The grief may then be released when a subsequent loss or event occurs, which may even be relatively minor, but is the trigger for emotions to be expressed. Sometimes this can be many years after the original loss.
When two bereavements occur relatively close to each other, the grief may be compounded and the feelings more extreme. Grief does take time; it needs to be allowed to happen.
If, however, you are concerned about a grief reaction in yourself or in someone close to you, please seek further support.
Talking to Children about Death
Adults often feel the need to protect children from death. They may feel children will not understand or that they will be too upset. However, we can often underestimate a child’s resources and ability to cope. Children often find it harder if they are not told what is happening, because they may be more frightened by imagined events. Children should be told the facts in a simple manner, using appropriate words, e.g. ‘dead’, ‘death’, rather than ‘lost’ or ‘asleep’. Give them time to ask questions (which may be very direct) and offer plenty of reassurance.
It is helpful for adults to share feelings with children, such as feelings of sadness. By doing this they learn that it is natural to feel sad when someone dies. Children may like to draw pictures as part of their way of saying goodbye. It is a good idea to tell the child’s school about what has happened so they can offer support when needed.
After the Funeral
Settling the deceased person’s estate can be confusing, time consuming and distressing. If you have been named as Executor in the Will, responsibility for carrying out the person’s wishes lies with you. This will include payment of funeral expenses, debts and taxes, as well as arrangements for possessions and other assets.
It is wise to avoid making hasty decisions about the future. The length of time will vary for each individual, but gradually you will realise that you are more able to cope with your bereavement. Then will be the time for thinking about plans for the future.
Stopping Junk Mail to the recently deceased
If someone you know has died, the amount of unwanted marketing post being sent to them can be greatly reduced which helps to stop painful daily reminders.
By registering with the free service www.stopmail.co.uk the names and addresses of the deceased are removed from mailing lists, stopping most advertising mail within as little as six weeks. If you cannot access the internet you can call 0808 168 9607, where you will be asked for very simple information that will take only a few minutes to complete. Alternatively, ask the bereavement team for a leaflet that can be returned in the post.
This free of charge service provided by the Bereavement Support Network will actively reduce the unwanted marketing mail but also can help reduce the likelihood of identity theft following the death of someone close. The information is not used for any other purpose and you only have to complete this once. Additionally to Stop Mail a comparable service can also be accessed from the Bereavement Register or Deceased Preference Service if you would prefer to use them.
National Aids Helpline 020 7814 6767 www.nat.org.uk
Samaritans 116 123 and 0330 094 5717
Email: jo@samaritans.org www.samaritans.org
The Good Grief Trust
For help and support in one place. Lists over 700 support networks for a range of different needs. www.thegoodgrieftrust.org
The Way Foundation
A Support group for people who have lost a husband, wife or partner at a young age. www.widowandyoung.org.uk
Soldiers’ Sailors’ and Airmen’s Family Association
Forcesline 0800 260 6767
A charity providing welfare, health and support services for the UK military’s serving personnel, veterans and their families. www.safa.org.uk/get-help/supporting-older-veterans/loss-of-aloved-one
Dear Friend,
We are constantly reviewing the service we offer to bereaved relatives and friends. Following the recent death of your loved one, we would be grateful if you would take a few moments to fill in the questionnaire below. This is completely optional, and you may return this at a time which feels comfortable to you. We value comments about what you found helpful, and areas where you feel we might improve the service. If you are unhappy about any aspect of the care you or your relative received, you may prefer to put the details in writing to the Chief Executive.
The following information is optional, but may assist us in passing on appropriate comments and dealing with queries.
Patient’s Name
Ward
Your Name
Address
Did you find this booklet helpful? YES/YES VERY/NO
Did you feel that you were provided with adequate facilities such as refreshments, space, privacy? YES/NO
Were you encouraged to spend time with your loved one, privately, before and after they died? YES/NO
COMMENTS
Were you offered the support of the Hospital Chaplaincy or a Minister/Priest of your choice? YES/NO
Thank you for completing this form. Please detach and return to:
Whilst every effort has been made to ensure the accuracy of advertisements contained in this publication, the University Hospitals Dorset NHS Foundation Trust cannot accept liability for errors and omissions. The University Hospitals Dorset NHS Foundation Trust cannot accept responsibility for claims made by advertisers and their inclusion in The Poole Hospital Bereavement Booklet should not be taken as an endorsement by the University Hospitals Dorset NHS Foundation Trust.
Written by the Bereavement Services
Publication date: December 2024
Review date: December 2026
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stopping mail
STOPPING JUNK MAIL
It is distressing to deal with a bereavement and unsolicited mail can be insensitive and destructive during a grieving process.
By scanning the below QR code on your phone or visiting www.stopmail.co.uk, we are able to securely share this information with mailing organisations and under the Data Protection Act the information will not be used for any other purpose.
Other benefits reduce the possibility of identity fraud, such as assumed identity and you will only have to supply the information once.
