St. Michael’s Hospice (North Hampshire)
Experiencing the loss of a life is a unique and personal experience, everyone will react in their own unique way. People may feel shocked and numb initially, which can often make it hard to absorb any information you are given regarding practical arrangements.
When someone dies there are a number of decisions and arrangements to be made. This booklet has been prepared to answer any questions you may have, and to help you deal with the practical arrangements at this difficult time.
We hope you find the information helpful.
What to do when someone dies at St. Michael’s Hospice
The period of time directly after a death can be very traumatic for a family. We understand that you will be feeling a variety of emotions such as shock or numbness. These emotions are normal and must not be ignored.
At St. Michael’s Hospice, we will endeavor to help you at this difficult time and often returning home and calling us at a later stage can sometimes be the best way to allow you time to gather your thoughts, or think of any questions you may have. Having time to think and clear your head is important.
You can telephone the ward on 01256 844744 at any time to arrange a suitable time to collect the paperwork and belongings of your relative. The Hospice staff prefer you to make an appointment so we can give you the time and privacy to go through certain procedures and paper work.
What to do when someone dies at home
If a death should occur at home, out of hours, and the person is under the care of the St. Michael’s Hospice at Home team, you can call the team to verify the death. The next working day, you should contact the GP to obtain the medical certificate.
If the death should occur within normal working hours then you should contact your GP who will need to confirm that life has ceased; providing there is no Coroner’s investigation, the GP will issue a medical certificate stating the cause of death. You can collect this from the GP practice.
When the death has been verified by a health care professional, you can telephone a funeral director/undertaker or a religious leader. They will take the body into their care at your request. If you prefer to keep the body at home for cultural or personal reasons until the funeral, they will be able to advise you about this.
Registering the death
When you have collected the medical certificate from the Hospice or your GP you will need to make an appointment with the Registrar’s Office to register the death, usually within five working days.
You will need to take the certificate to the Register Office in Basingstoke.
The hours of opening are:
Monday - Friday 9.00am - 3.30pm You will need to make an appointment first. This can be done by phoning 0300 555 1392 or online at www.hants.gov.uk/registration
The Registrar will require the following information:
• The date and place of death
• The last (usual) address
• The date and place of birth
• The first names and surname (maiden name if applicable)
• The deceased’s occupation (and the name and occupation of husband/wife if applicable)
• Whether the deceased was receiving a pension or allowance from public funds
• The date of birth of the surviving spouse (if applicable)
The Registrar will give you the following when the death has been registered:
• The Death Certificate
• A certificate for Department for Work and Pensions. This must accompany any claims for areas of the person’s Social Security payments and will also ensure that the correct benefits are paid to the widow or widower.
• A Certificate for Burial or Cremation (often called the ‘green form’), which you must give to the Funeral Director to enable them to proceed with the funeral arrangements.
There is a fee for the Death Certificate and any duplicates you require, (e.g. Life Assurance Companies, Banks etc.). It is advisable to consider how many copies you might need as banks will often not accept photocopies. It will take you about 1 hour to register the death.
Who may register the death?
The regulations state that only certain people may register a death. These are:
• A relative of the deceased who was present at the time of death
• A relative of the deceased in attendance during the last illness
• A relative of the deceased residing in the same local district
• A person present at the time of death
• A nominated person such as: an executor, solicitor
Tell Us Once Service (Government and Council)
When someone has died, there are lots of things that need to be done at a time when you probably least feel like doing them. One of the most important is contacting government departments and local council services. The registrar will provide you with a unique reference number you can use online or by phone.
To ensure the right information is given to relevant organisations it will be helpful (but not necessary) if you can provide any of the following details:
• The deceased person’s passport, or passport number (if they have one)
• The deceased person’s driving licence, or licence number (if they have one)
• Deceased person’s national insurance number
• Details of any benefits or services they were receiving, if any
• Name of the person dealing with their estate
More details can be found on: www.gov.uk/tell-us-once
Arranging the funeral
You are free to contact a funeral director of your choice before registration is complete. Please refer to your local telephone directory, or internet search.
Most funeral directors are available seven days a week. If you wish, they can visit your home to offer advice, and make all the arrangements necessary in accordance with your wishes. They will collect your relative and lay them to rest at their premises, before the funeral takes place. If you would like to see your relative, the undertaker will be able to arrange this for you.
You can request a religious or non-religious funeral, and, unless the deceased had indicated their preference, you will also need to decide whether a burial or cremation service is arranged.
Paying for the funeral
If you receive benefits, you may be entitled to help with funeral costs. You will need to apply for help and advice at your local Job Centre Plus.
Funerals can be expensive, but are usually paid for from the assets of the deceased person. Do not be afraid to discuss ways of reducing costs with your chosen Funeral Director.
The Coroner
In certain circumstances, a person’s death has to be reported to the Coroner. The Coroner is a qualified doctor or lawyer, who is responsible for inquiring into the circumstances surrounding a death. If the Coroner requires a post mortem examination, he does so as a matter of law and your consent is not required.
The Coroner for this area is Mr Chris Wilkinson. He can be contacted on:
Tel: 01962 667884
Email: hampshirecoroners@hants.gov.uk
The Coroner may order a post mortem examination in any of the following circumstances and does so without the authority of the next of kin. This should not delay you organising the funeral arrangements.
• Sudden and unexpected deaths
• Deaths where the cause is unknown and the doctor can not issue a death certificate
• Death where the cause is known to be, or suspected to be due to causes other than natural disease (for example; accidents, unexplained injuries, industrial diseases)
• Deaths in custody or where a person was held under a section of the Mental Health Act
If you have been told that the death has been reported to the Coroner, you may not be issued with a Medical Certificate of the Cause of Death by the Hospice. Instead, the Coroner’s Officer often ensures that the document is delivered direct to the Registrar. This usually takes several days. You will be able to make an appointment to register the death when the paperwork is with the Registrar.
The Will
It is important that any Will made by the person who has died, is read as soon as possible. It may include their wishes regarding their funeral and should deal with the deceased’s affairs i.e. naming the executor/s.
The Will may be held by a Solicitor, or lodged with a Bank, or may be found in the deceased’s home.
Your feelings
The death of someone close to you will create strange and often frightening feelings. Everyone’s reaction is different, as is the way people cope with these feelings. Although your experience of grieving is individual to you, most people share some common emotional symptoms. These include:
Sadness Longing Numbness
Despair Shock Helplessness
Guilt Anger
You may not feel any of these emotions, or you may find them difficult to identify. What you may experience, at least in the beginning, is a variety of different and often contradictory emotions. Sometimes these very uncomfortable feelings can be difficult to acknowledge even to yourself.
There is no right or wrong way of dealing with your emotions, you need to do what feels comfortable for you.
Physical effects
It is not uncommon for people grieving to experience a variety of physical symptoms, such as:
Sleeplessness
Inability to concentrate Palpitations
Panic Attacks Pain Tiredness
Loss of memory Nausea
You may want to talk to your doctor about these symptoms, particularly if they persist.
Talking to children
As with adults, children’s reactions can vary. These depend on their age, previous experience of death, the circumstances and their relationship with the person who has died. Children seem to go through a shorter period of mourning and move in and out of grieving, one minute crying and the next playing happily.
It is helpful for children to be given information by an adult who is emotionally close to the child as soon as possible, preferably in a private place without interruption. They often need to know it is not their fault someone has died and to be reassured they themselves will continue to be cared for.
It can be confusing for young children to hear phrases like “gone to sleep”, “Iost” or “taken away”. Being included and open to discussion helps children to make sense of what is happening, rather than using their imagination and worrying more than necessary.
Children usually manage to adjust to all the changes associated with bereavement without professional help. However, if you are concerned about them, it is a good idea to speak to your doctor or telephone the Bereavement Service Team at St. Michael’s Hospice.
Family support from St. Michael’s Hospice
Whether or not you have received support before, you may contact the Family Support Team for support at any time after the death, be it 6 months, or 2 years later.
Bereavement evenings
Approximately 3 months after the death you will receive a letter inviting you to a bereavement evening.
Bereavement coffee mornings
These are held on the last Friday of the month from 11am-12:30pm. They are facilitated by members of the Bereavement team and offer a welcoming and friendly space to meet and talk to others who are experiencing something similar to yourself.
Contact us
The Family Support Team can be contacted on 01256 848839. If no one from the team is available, please leave a message and someone will contact you as soon as possible.
Items which need returning
There will probably be a number of items that may need to be returned to the relevant offices. Some of these can be cancelled at the Registrars office at the time of your appointment.
Here is a checklist to help you:
• Pension books
• Other social security or benefit books
• Equipment on loan (Hospital/Social Service/Red Cross)
• Passport
• Membership cards
• Driving Licence
• Library books
• Cheque books and cards, including any credit cards
• The Council provides a “Tell Us Once” service when registering a death. Please refer to page 4 for more information.
About St. Michael’s Hospice
Care at St. Michael’s Hospice is provided to patients and families entirely free of charge. As an independent provider of palliative care, we are able to offer a level of service over and above that found in a more traditional clinical setting. We rely on voluntary donations to allow us the opportunity to provide specialist care to all those in need of our service. Details of the many ways you can get involved to help can be found by calling our fundraising team on 01256 848 848, emailing them at fundraising@stmichaelshospice. org.uk or visiting our website www.stmichaelshospice.org.uk
Donations in lieu of flowers at the time of bereavement
Being able to honour a loved one whilst showing your appreciation of Hospice care is a great benefit to many families. One way to show your appreciation is to ask friends and family to consider making a donation in lieu of flowers to St. Michael’s Hospice. We would also be delighted to accept donations of flowers after a funeral service. This can be arranged by the funeral directors.
Personalised Gift Aid envelopes
We are able upon request to provide you with personalised donation envelopes, for use at the funeral and/or wake. All donations received are recorded by us and we will write to the next of kin to acknowledge the total we have received.
If this is something you wish to consider and need our support, please ask a member of staff for more information or email fundraising@stmichaelshospice.org.uk
In Memoriam Giving
For friends and family who are unable to attend the funeral, the creation of an online memoriam allows a feeling of connection. With social media an ever increasing part of everyday life, online memoriam pages are easily shared across the country and around the world.
We recommend using a service provided by Just Giving, this can be found at: www.justgiving.com or Much Loved at www.muchloved.com
Remembrance Services
St. Michael’s Hospice offers an opportunity for family and friends to gather for a time of reflection and prayer, honouring the memory of loved ones who have died. You are very welcome to attend our remembrance services which take place twice a year. You can find out more information on the date and location of the services by visiting our ‘Upcoming Events’ on St. Michael’s Hospice website at www.stmichaelshospice.org.uk
Memory Tree
Dedicating a leaf on our memory tree can be a way to let your memories of a loved one live on. Our Memory Tree is located very close to the main reception at St. Michael’s Hospice and you would be welcome to visit at any time taking time to reflect on those special memories. For more details on dedicating a leaf on our tree, please visit stmichaelshospice.org.uk
Reference: St. Michael’s Hospice Bereavement Booklet
Publication Date: July 2024
Review Date: July 2026
Useful Contacts
Age UK - help and advice for older people
Tel: 0800 169 2081 or visit ageuk.org.uk
Age Concern Hampshire
Tel: 0196 286 8545 or visit ageconcernhampshire.org.uk
Cruse Bereavement Care - help for any bereaved person
Freephone 0808 808 1677 or visit cruse.org.uk
Citizens Advice Bureau - for general or legal advice
Tel: 03444 111 444 or visit basingstokeandtadleycab.org.uk
Job Centre Plus - for advice on benefits
Tel: 0800 169 0190
Family Action - social care services to families in need
Tel: 0808 802 6666, email familyline@family-action.org.uk or visit family-action.org.uk
Gingerbread - support for one-parent families
Single parent helpline: 0808 802 0925 or visit gingerbread.org.uk
The Money Advice Service - guidance for a wide range of money matters
Tel: 0800 138 7777 or visit moneyadviceservice.org.uk/en
Samaritans - a 24hr help-line
Tel: 116 123
Stop Mail - Help to stop junk mail addressed to your relative or friend.
Tel: 0808 168 9607 Website: stopmail.co.uk
The Hospice would like to thank RNS Publications for publishing this information and the following pages contain some features from services o ering their help at this time.
Whilst the Hospice is grateful of their support it does not endorse or recommend any of the services that they provide.
�\\ bereavement ,�port network
stopping mail
STOPPING JUNK MAIL
It is distressing to deal with a bereavement and unsolicited mail can be insensitive and destructive during a grieving process.
By scanning the below QR code on your phone or visiting www.stopmail.co.uk, we are able to securely share this information with mailing organisations and under the Data Protection Act the information will not be used for any other purpose.
Other benefits reduce the possibility of identity fraud, such as assumed identity and you will only have to supply the information once.
This publication has been jointly developed between ourselves and the hospice. We hope that it has been or will be of help at this time and we welcome any comments or suggestions that you may have.
Please contact us either by phone, email or by post.
